Cheating Ex-Fiancé Won’t Pay For The Canceled Wedding Costs, So Woman Decides To Sell His Family Heirloom Interview With Author
Cheating is probably one of the biggest relationship killers. More often than not, finding out that the love of your life was disloyal to you causes a whirlwind of emotions and an aching heart. And it’s especially difficult when it leaves you with a canceled wedding and a considerable amount of debt.
One woman took her story to Reddit, confessing she found out that her fiancé was having an affair just a few weeks before tying the knot. Having to call off the venue, catering, and other services (which were mostly non-refundable), the author found herself $20,000 out of pocket.
“It isn’t my problem you took out a loan you can’t pay back,” her former partner said, not planning to help her out. The woman turned to the AITA community to ask if she was in the wrong for selling her ex’s great-grandmother’s ring—a family heirloom—to cover the costs of their canceled wedding. Read on for the full story.
This woman shared the drama-filled argument with her cheating ex-fiancé after she sold his family heirloom ring to cover the canceled wedding costs
Image credits: Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ISoldAFamilyHeirloom
Bored Panda reached out to the author of this post, user ISoldAFamilyHeirloom, whose real name is Regina, to talk a bit more about this situation and the reaction it received. Regina decided to share her story online because she felt really bad and wanted to get an outside opinion, so she sought Reddit’s AITA forum.
“When I first posted the story, I was hoping I would be able to get at least one or two comments that would tell me it straight, so I was surprised to get so much attention from it,” the author said.
Regina thought that the thread got so much attention because of Mason’s behavior: “Many were surprised that he ignored my initial threats of selling it then got angry when I actually did it. A lot of people’s comments were negative towards him and I feel like it was his erratic behavior that made the post blow up.”
The author revealed that she was in complete shock when she read the comments: “After all the hate I got from my family, I was sure the comments would be ripping me to shreds, so I was relieved when I got voted NTA. I convinced myself that I was an awful person for doing it and was being selfish trying to clear my own debts. So I’m incredibly grateful for everyone who has shown support.”
Regina would still like to add that despite the outpouring of support, she still feels awful about selling the ring. “If I could go back and change it, I would’ve waited longer before doing something so extreme. After contacting the website ample times, Mason’s been unable to get the ring back and we don’t think he’s going to see it again,” she told Bored Panda.
So while some Redditors commented that the author is NTA, saying that “if you don’t want to lose a valuable family heirloom, don’t give it to someone and then cheat on them.” Others really couldn’t decide, thinking that both partners were at fault here. However, many of them were truly concerned about the legality of it all.
According to FindLaw, the world’s leading provider of online legal information for consumers and small businesses, there are generally three ways that courts can classify engagement rings. The first would be to see it as an outright gift that cannot be recovered.
For that, there needs to be proof of the giver’s intent to give the item as a gift, the actual giving process, and the receiver’s acceptance of the ring. “In most cases involving revoked gifts (where all three requirements were shown), courts have held that the item involved was a gift, and the receiver got to keep the item,” they stated.
Then there’s treating the ring as a conditional gift that is based on a future event or action taking place. “If the event doesn’t occur, then the gift-giver has the right to get the gift back. Most courts classify engagement rings as a conditional gift and award the engagement ring to the giver in broken engagement cases.”
Lastly, there are times when an engagement ring can qualify as compensation. “For example, in one case, a woman had given her fiancé money and even labor to improve his business. In exchange for her money and labor, he gave her a valuable diamond ring and proposed marriage.” In such a situation, the court could award the ring to the receiver.
When it comes to family heirlooms, they are much more than just pretty knick-knacks. Giving back anything that holds special sentimental value is generally the right thing to do. However, the situation varies from couple to couple. It’s is not always crystal clear who is the lawful owner of the gift, and then there are different approaches by the courts.
If you find yourself in a similar situation, you could try meeting with a family law attorney for advice or if you want to see a state-by-state breakdown of who gets to keep the ring, you can find it right here.
Some Redditors were very supportive of the woman, thinking she’s NTA in this situation
However, others were on the fence, saying that both partners acted like jerks
Don't gift a valuable family heirloom to someone you're gonna cheat on. I saw this elsewhere and someone said it's a conditional gift, he broke the conditions so it's hers. Not sure how true that is though. The worst decision here is getting yourself into debt for a wedding.
Wait. What? Taking out a loan for a wedding? And on top of that: only in your name???
Assuming this story is true (and that's a very big "if"), your fiance was a jerk, but a family heirloom has significance that goes beyond whatever problems the two of you had. It was important to more people than just him. Yes, you're the asshole.
Why does she have to worry about his family being upset? Isn’t that something he should worry about and keep his word and help pay for the cancelled wedding since it was cancelled because of him? Then she never would of sold the ring to begin with. He basically forced her hand cause who wants to be cheated on a month before the wedding AND be in debt for 20k for something that didn’t happen? While the asshole gets away scott free. Come now…that ain't right.
Not only that but she messaged him twice telling him if he didn't agree to help pay his share she would sell the ring and he didn't take it seriously, if I were the family I would be pissed off at him.
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Because it's a family heirloom ring. As in, he didn't just go to Walmart and pick something up. It had been in his family for generations.
Who cares? He and his family didn't care when she was risking bankruptcy for what was supposed to be their wedding, so now they can all go pound sand, in my opinion.
Yes it is and I would be very sad to sell it, but if neither he nor his family would help me pay for the wedding HE broke, then it's on them.
An engagement ring is a contract to marry. If she breaks it off, she gives the ring back. If he breaks it off, she keeps it. While she may have been the one to cancel the wedding, it was *his* infidelity that caused it. She is definitely not the asshole here, and I'm amazed that anyone can think she is.
Here in the US, it varies by state and only 5 states consider fault in who gets the ring. In the other 45, it's no-fault. So the ring goes back to the giver no matter what the reason was for the marriage not going through, and no matter which party initiated cancelling the wedding.
Honu … The ring is typically considered a gift. Look up laws on gifting…
In the US, it is not like regular gifts. It is a conditional gift. It is given in consideration of marriage.
I don't care about laws like these. I would give a ring back regardless. But this is a special circumstance. He left her in debt!
No she's not the AH. If the dude thought so much if the family heirloom in the first place he wouldn't have offered it ti a chick he was half-arsed about, cheated on her, then not respond when fairly warned. If the heirloom was that precious, he wouldn't have been such a d**k about it.
Then he shouldn't have cheated on her and ignored her texts.
John - you said "heirloom has significance that goes beyond whatever problems the two of you had"... yes but $20,000 of debt that will follow her for many years ALSO has significance beyond whatever problems they have.
It was her decision to assume that debt. She has no one to blame for it but herself - but now she's forcing the delinquent would-be groom's relatives to pay the price for actions they had no part in and likely could have done nothing about.
It was his decision to give her the ring, he has no one to blame for that but himself. It was his fault that the engagement didn't go through, he has no one to blame but himself. The relatives shouldn't have let him have the ring in the first place if he was so irresponsible.
Agreed, upvote 100 times. This was just... There's so many red flags and so much a-holery going around...
There's a long standing tradition of the woman keeping the ring if an engagement is broken due to the traditional wedding costs belonging to the bride's family. For many years it was illegal to even require the ring to be returned and I'm certain in some states it still is on the books. The second the ring is given it's not his property anymore and as there is no monetary value for sentiment... Needed to be purchased back like you would any other exchanged property.
Yeah, and never, ever take out a loan you can't repay. S**t happens. You can't always count on things going the way you want them too. He was wrong, but she solved it the wrong way too.
If he'd kept his part of the bargain and paid half the cost, she wouldn't have had to do that.
She didn't have to do that. It was one avenue to getting money back, but not the only or best. She could've tried something legal, like going to court or arbitration. She is totally justified in being furious with him, but that doesn't legally or ethically justify every action she may choose to take.
I would have gone to his family first. Tell them what he did and ask them to either get him to pay or ask them to pay themselves.
I concur
I totally agree. She really should have gone to his family when he refused to help pay off the loan (even tho I agree that the loan was a stupid thing to do). I would have contacted his parents/sibling/whoever & let them know the situation first. She's just as big an a**hole as he is.
Don't gift a valuable family heirloom to someone you're gonna cheat on. I saw this elsewhere and someone said it's a conditional gift, he broke the conditions so it's hers. Not sure how true that is though. The worst decision here is getting yourself into debt for a wedding.
Wait. What? Taking out a loan for a wedding? And on top of that: only in your name???
Assuming this story is true (and that's a very big "if"), your fiance was a jerk, but a family heirloom has significance that goes beyond whatever problems the two of you had. It was important to more people than just him. Yes, you're the asshole.
Why does she have to worry about his family being upset? Isn’t that something he should worry about and keep his word and help pay for the cancelled wedding since it was cancelled because of him? Then she never would of sold the ring to begin with. He basically forced her hand cause who wants to be cheated on a month before the wedding AND be in debt for 20k for something that didn’t happen? While the asshole gets away scott free. Come now…that ain't right.
Not only that but she messaged him twice telling him if he didn't agree to help pay his share she would sell the ring and he didn't take it seriously, if I were the family I would be pissed off at him.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Because it's a family heirloom ring. As in, he didn't just go to Walmart and pick something up. It had been in his family for generations.
Who cares? He and his family didn't care when she was risking bankruptcy for what was supposed to be their wedding, so now they can all go pound sand, in my opinion.
Yes it is and I would be very sad to sell it, but if neither he nor his family would help me pay for the wedding HE broke, then it's on them.
An engagement ring is a contract to marry. If she breaks it off, she gives the ring back. If he breaks it off, she keeps it. While she may have been the one to cancel the wedding, it was *his* infidelity that caused it. She is definitely not the asshole here, and I'm amazed that anyone can think she is.
Here in the US, it varies by state and only 5 states consider fault in who gets the ring. In the other 45, it's no-fault. So the ring goes back to the giver no matter what the reason was for the marriage not going through, and no matter which party initiated cancelling the wedding.
Honu … The ring is typically considered a gift. Look up laws on gifting…
In the US, it is not like regular gifts. It is a conditional gift. It is given in consideration of marriage.
I don't care about laws like these. I would give a ring back regardless. But this is a special circumstance. He left her in debt!
No she's not the AH. If the dude thought so much if the family heirloom in the first place he wouldn't have offered it ti a chick he was half-arsed about, cheated on her, then not respond when fairly warned. If the heirloom was that precious, he wouldn't have been such a d**k about it.
Then he shouldn't have cheated on her and ignored her texts.
John - you said "heirloom has significance that goes beyond whatever problems the two of you had"... yes but $20,000 of debt that will follow her for many years ALSO has significance beyond whatever problems they have.
It was her decision to assume that debt. She has no one to blame for it but herself - but now she's forcing the delinquent would-be groom's relatives to pay the price for actions they had no part in and likely could have done nothing about.
It was his decision to give her the ring, he has no one to blame for that but himself. It was his fault that the engagement didn't go through, he has no one to blame but himself. The relatives shouldn't have let him have the ring in the first place if he was so irresponsible.
Agreed, upvote 100 times. This was just... There's so many red flags and so much a-holery going around...
There's a long standing tradition of the woman keeping the ring if an engagement is broken due to the traditional wedding costs belonging to the bride's family. For many years it was illegal to even require the ring to be returned and I'm certain in some states it still is on the books. The second the ring is given it's not his property anymore and as there is no monetary value for sentiment... Needed to be purchased back like you would any other exchanged property.
Yeah, and never, ever take out a loan you can't repay. S**t happens. You can't always count on things going the way you want them too. He was wrong, but she solved it the wrong way too.
If he'd kept his part of the bargain and paid half the cost, she wouldn't have had to do that.
She didn't have to do that. It was one avenue to getting money back, but not the only or best. She could've tried something legal, like going to court or arbitration. She is totally justified in being furious with him, but that doesn't legally or ethically justify every action she may choose to take.
I would have gone to his family first. Tell them what he did and ask them to either get him to pay or ask them to pay themselves.
I concur
I totally agree. She really should have gone to his family when he refused to help pay off the loan (even tho I agree that the loan was a stupid thing to do). I would have contacted his parents/sibling/whoever & let them know the situation first. She's just as big an a**hole as he is.