One would like to think that the tool used for humans to communicate should be a rather simple one, along the lines of Newspeak, where everything is simplified, and there’s no place for cumbersome nuance. However, neither people nor the languages we use are without their intricacies, so in all actuality, the tool for communication is nothing but incomplex. Starting with basics like your and you’re and ending with hidden meanings disguised in similar-sounding pronunciations, a language never ceases to amaze and baffle. But, as with all life’s entanglements, it is best to just have a laugh if something is beyond and above you. Or, on the other hand, you feel like you’re the only one who understands what’s truly happening; in that case, you can giggle devilishly to yourself at other people’s incompetencies. It is not very nice, though, but we are all guilty of that, am I right?
Anyhoo, we are here to talk about grammar jokes and puns, so why not adhere to the topic at hand instead of exploring the depths of the human condition? So, although you’ve been learning and using languages your whole life, there’s always something to be stumped by, and there’s always something to have a laugh at. Just check out these glorious language jokes! Some of them are pretty basic, while others require a certain deeper degree of understanding of the mechanics of a language. No matter the case, though, all of these grammar puns are beyond hilarious and, at times, even enlightening! So many wordplays, so little time! And time is precious, so why don’t we skip this gabble and just go straight to the smart jokes, shall we? They are exactly where they are supposed to be - a smidgen down below. Once you are there, vote for the best language jokes and share this smart article with your friends!
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A linguistics professor was lecturing in his English class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no
language in which a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up: "Yeah, right!"
My wife: "You need to do more chores around the house."
Me: "Can we change the subject?"
My wife: "Ok, more chores around the house need to be done by you."
Why do sperm cells look like commas and apostrophes?
They often interrupt periods and lead to contractions.
Grammar is the difference between: knowing your s**t and knowing you're s**t.
What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of the paws. The other is a pause at the end of a clause.
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?
A condescending con descending.
Double negatives are a big no-no.
Teacher: Class, there are two words I never want to see in your papers. One is knarly and the other is bogus". Student, "Ok, what are they?"
What word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
Short.
How do you make the number seven an even number without using any equations? You take away the s.
Did you hear the one about the pregnant woman who went into labor and started shouting, “Couldn’t! Wouldn’t! Shouldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”?
She was having contractions.
How do you comfort a grammar snob?
“There, their, they’re.”
Considering only one of the three is correct, that would actually annoy them. Yes, I'm one of them.
Someone once said about sprawling Los Angeles, “Once you get there, there’s no there there”.
"Aintcha, gonna, wanna, doncha have to go to the bathroom...that sorta thing"
I object. Those of us who prefer to speak correctly are not snobs. The idea that intelligence is something to be sneered at and mocked is disturbing. Do you want your doctor to be an idiot? How about your accountant?
Absolutely not. education and the ability to speak "correctly" is a privelege, and there really isn't any one right way to get ideas across. the idea of grammar usage, intelligence, and education deciding someone's worth is an antiquated idea and needs to go away.
Load More Replies...When I was a kid, my teacher looked at me and said, "Name two pronouns!" I replied, "Who, me?"
What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?
A teapot.
Is there a word that uses all the vowels including y?
Unquestionably.
Synonym rolls: just like grammar used to make.
Proper capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse.
Hyphenated and Non-Hyphenated. Ah, the ironies of English!
English is a difficult language. It can be understood through tough thorough thought, though.
Why is nostalgia like grammar?
We find the present tense and the past perfect.
"The past is history, the future a mystery. But today is a gift. That's why the call it the present". Master Oogway, Kung Fu Panda.
I before e, except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbor.
Teaching my 7yo spelling tricks like this "I before e except after c" and he calls me on THEIR.
My brother gave his teacher a thank you note that said, "Your a good teacher." I'm not so sure!
What do you get when you cross a joke and a rhetorical question?
What do you call Santa’s little helpers?
Subordinate clauses.
Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
There is a special tax suitable for people who destroy the English language. It is called Syntax.
John was excited because his local newspaper was hosting a pun contest. He stayed up all night carefully creating ten puns. He submitted them the next morning. When the results came back, John checked to see if he won but, alas, no pun in ten did.
Of course there was the man who, at the dentist's, refused Novacaine, saying, "I will transcend dental medication."
I visited a prison library.
It had its prose and cons.
You can't run through a campsite.
You can only ran, since it's past tents.
When I was young there was only 25 letters in the Alphabet?
Nobody knew why.
One cactus said, "You need to be less selfish. Don't forget it is Cact-US". The other cactus replied, "But sweetie, the plural is a Cact-I."
11 consonants, eight vowels, a comma, and an exclamation mark will appear in court to be sentenced next week.
So many people are bothered about correct grammar... But I couldn't care fewer.
There are three things that I love: the Oxford comma, irony, and missed opportunities.
What did the intransitive verb say when told it was pretty?
Nothing. Intransitive verbs can’t take complements.
How do you spell mousetrap?
C-A-T.
Why shouldn’t you date apostrophes?
They’re too possessive.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"To."
"To who?"
"To whom!"
What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?
The C.
What's a pirate's favourite letter? You'd think it would be "R" but a true pirate will always love the "C" ;-)
Last night my classroom was broken into and all of the dictionaries were stolen.
I’m lost for words.
It is important to follow the laws of grammar.
Rules is rules.
I was a surgeon with bad punctuation.
I got fired for leaving out a colon.
What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?
It was given two consecutive sentences.
Why did the run-on sentence think it was pregnant?
Its period was late.
It’s funny how full stops are known as periods in the US. Ask any girl, it’s never a full stop.
One punctuation mark saw the other at a restaurant and asked, "Do you comma here often?"
An ancient Egyptian student is chiseling his essay into a stone. His teacher comes over and says, "No, you should never end a sentence with an ox."
