Man Demands Girlfriend “Split Expenses Proportional To Income” After She Gets Better-Paying Job, Increases Rent On Apartment He Owns
People in a relationship tend to see the world through pink-tinted glasses. Yet financial matters often come into play to balance the colors out for them.
Redditor u/No_Recognition7065 has recently opened up to the ‘AITA’ community about a disagreement with her boyfriend over splitting living expenses. After changing jobs, she got a pay rise, which encouraged him to ask for a different financial arrangement between them. She refused his request, and their story split her fellow redditors into camps.
Financial arrangements, such as sharing living expenses, are a common hurdle couples have to overcome in a relationship
Image credits: Nataliya Vaitkevich (not the actual photo)
This woman refused to split shared expenses in a way her boyfriend wanted her to. Their story sparked a discussion in an online group
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
Image credits: No_Recognition7065
It’s important to figure out the arrangements for paying rent, even if the accommodation has already been paid for
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
This story is only one of the numerous examples showing that finances can be a headache when in a relationship. As a matter of fact, nearly one fifth (19%) of Americans admit they have disagreements with their partner over it at least once every month. And even though financial matters often lead to unpleasant moments, it is crucial to solve them for the sake of the couple’s future together. Especially if they live under the same roof.
Back in 2019, unmarried couples living together comprised 7% of the adult population in the US. According to Pew Research Center, nowadays the majority of people see nothing wrong with unwed couples sharing a home. And a lot of the ones who do choose to do so because it makes financial sense (also, because it’s more convenient, according to those surveyed).
Whether it’s love or convenience that spur the decision to move in together, oftentimes one party has the accommodation already sorted out for them. In such cases, it might make sense for the other one to come live with them. But even then, the question of paying rent remains.
Reddit community members had varying opinions when it came to this matter in the OP’s story. Some were shaming the boyfriend for collecting rent from his girlfriend, others believed it was the right thing to do. Statistics show that it’s rather common to ask your significant other to pay the rent if you own the property. A 2019 survey showed that as much as 51% of people would request rent from their partner in such situations.
Having a joint bank account can alleviate covering the shared expenses, but it only works if both partners discuss everything in advance
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)
Whether they do or don’t is a matter of mutual agreement, but rent is not the only thing couples have to worry about. There’s also food, utilities, and other day-to-day expenses that need to be covered. That’s why some people in a committed relationship decide to open a joint bank account upon becoming members of the same household.
Even though that might be a convenient option, 2022 findings show that less than half of the couples in the US (43% to be exact) are willing to only have a bank account with their partner. 34% prefer having a mix of both, a joint one as well as a separate one. The rest, 23%, wish to stay fully financially independent when it comes to this.
Having a joint bank account allows both parties to add a predetermined amount of money and use it to pay the shared expenses. Introducing such a routine can help minimize fighting over financial matters. However, it only works well if all the related issues have been thoroughly discussed and both parties have agreed to a certain plan.
The sum each person should put aside for the account and whether it should be the same for both parties are two of the most important points to talk about. The amount of money they make might differ quite drastically, so it’s important to decide if the couple splits the costs equally. And to reach a consensus, communication is key. Talking about finances might not be fun, but it can help ensure that everything is paid for and no one’s bearing all the financial burden on their own.
Talking over the financial matters might not be a fun thing to do, but it often makes the relationship stronger in the end
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
According to a professor of psychiatry/behavioral science and emergency medicine at the University of Texas Health Science Center at Houston, Dr. James Langabeer, it’s impossible to avoid disagreements when it comes to finances in a relationship. But situations like that can make it or break it in the end. “However we look at it, two things are apparent–at some point, partners will have conflicts over money, and the ability to safely navigate those conflicts will dictate the health and tenure of that relationship,” he explained in Psychology Today.
Sometimes dealing with money means more than just covering certain needs financially. It can also be a way to tilt the balance scale of the power dynamics in the relationship. In another piece for Psychology Today, Dr. Assael Romanelli, licensed couple & family therapist, covered how having different income can affect the money-power balance between the partners and how important it is to address this topic.
He also provided three tips on starting a conversation about it, which covered knowing one’s worth, engaging in a healthy discussion, and evaluating the way changing the division of money can affect the relationship. In the OP’s story, the change in their financial arrangement was evoked by a sudden shift in her income. Chances are, the money-power dynamics played a role in the situation, too. Be that as it may, both sides had people supporting their views, and they didn’t shy away from expressing their opinions in the comments.
The OP provided additional information in the comments section
Lots of people were in favor of her views, some even shamed the boyfriend for his actions
Some community members weren’t so quick to judge the boyfriend and provided opposing arguments
What trashcan boyfriend (or GF by that matter) charges their partner rent for a paid off apartment? What a greedy bastard!
Adding a second comment to hide the bot spam below me, sorry
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There’s nothing wrong with her paying market rent and half the expenses. But that’s more of a transactional roommate relationship rather than a life partnership. Fine if that’s the stage they are in their relationship. But this guy wants to split expenses according to income - that’s a life partnership way of doing things. That should mean that he’s not charging her rent. but he is and doesn’t even want to consider the market rent value as part of his income. To him, she’s a cash cow and he sees her raise as a way to get more milk.
Nothing says “ love” like making a secondary income off the person you’re considering to be your partner.
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Him making her pay rent and not letting her invest in the apartment on a monthly basis instead equals him causing her not to be able to buy her own housing or save money for her future. It's fair he doesn't let her buy into his housing, they're not married, but he also shouldn't be a dead-weight in her economy. It would greatly advantage their shared life and income if she would invest in another apartment instead of "paying rent" like she's a roommate. That would make them both financially stronger as a couple, and help both of their futures. This does nothing but restrict her financially growth and benefit his own. She needs to start owning something. She already covers all the common expenses by paying rent he doesn't need.
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What trashcan boyfriend (or GF by that matter) charges their partner rent for a paid off apartment? What a greedy bastard!
Adding a second comment to hide the bot spam below me, sorry
Load More Replies... There’s nothing wrong with her paying market rent and half the expenses. But that’s more of a transactional roommate relationship rather than a life partnership. Fine if that’s the stage they are in their relationship. But this guy wants to split expenses according to income - that’s a life partnership way of doing things. That should mean that he’s not charging her rent. but he is and doesn’t even want to consider the market rent value as part of his income. To him, she’s a cash cow and he sees her raise as a way to get more milk.
Nothing says “ love” like making a secondary income off the person you’re considering to be your partner.
Load More Replies... Him making her pay rent and not letting her invest in the apartment on a monthly basis instead equals him causing her not to be able to buy her own housing or save money for her future. It's fair he doesn't let her buy into his housing, they're not married, but he also shouldn't be a dead-weight in her economy. It would greatly advantage their shared life and income if she would invest in another apartment instead of "paying rent" like she's a roommate. That would make them both financially stronger as a couple, and help both of their futures. This does nothing but restrict her financially growth and benefit his own. She needs to start owning something. She already covers all the common expenses by paying rent he doesn't need.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
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