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Michael Kimmel, a sociologist and the author of several books on male identity, including Guyland, Healing from Hate, and Manhood in America, thinks there's really a lot of evidence that many men are suffering.

And many other experts in the field agree, pointing out that men are dropping out of the workforce in greater numbers, their addiction rates are climbing, and they're four times more likely to commit suicide than women.

We, as a society, can't ignore these problems. These are people's lives we're talking about. And it's in everyone's best interest too, because when men can be themselves and be happy, we all benefit from it. To show you just how contagious their smiles and kind actions can be, let's take a look at the Twitter account 'Bros Helping Bros.'

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Jen M
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This happened to my grandmother, she was an army nurse in WWII. After, she worked in hospitals, then schools. But one baby was born, still, they thought. She visited the baby in the morgue, only to notice light signs of life, she resuscitated that baby, and he went home healthy with his family a while later. 20 years after that, sometime in my very young childhood, I remember she was tracked down by that, now grown man, to be thanked, profusely, for being the one person who ensured he survived that day. I always thought out of all her heroics in life, that was the most important moment in her long career saving lives, saving that single baby who everyone else had given up on. My grandma was the best, and I was always proud of her awesomeness!

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Recently, scholars and the media have been suggesting that the Western world is experiencing a masculinity crisis. However, semantics matter and we may have been approaching the matter from a wrong angle.

Michael Salter, who is a Scientia Fellow and an associate professor of criminology at the University of New South Wales at Sydney currently serves on the board of directors for the International Society for the Study of Trauma and Dissociation.

He agrees that masculinity can indeed be destructive. However, Salter believes that both conservative and liberal stances on this issue commonly misunderstand how the term toxic masculinity functions.

"When people use it, they tend to diagnose the problem of masculine aggression and entitlement as a cultural or spiritual illness—something that has infected today’s men and leads them to reproachable acts," Salter wrote. "But toxic masculinity itself is not a cause. Over the past 30 years, as the concept has morphed and changed, it has served more as a barometer for the gender politics of its day—and as an arrow toward the subtler, shifting causes of violence and sexism."

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Lauren S
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Wow, I hope Rebel gets a medal someday. I never knew Guide Runners existed. Such an amazing idea.

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"Despite the term’s recent popularity among feminists, toxic masculinity did not originate with the women’s movement. It was coined in the mythopoetic men’s movement of the 1980s and ’90s, motivated in part as a reaction to second-wave feminism," Salter said.

"Through male-only workshops, wilderness retreats, and drumming circles, this movement promoted a masculine spirituality to rescue what it referred to as the 'deep masculine'— a protective, 'warrior' masculinity—from toxic masculinity. Men’s aggression and frustration was, according to the movement, the result of a society that feminized boys by denying them the necessary rites and rituals to realize their true selves as men."

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Lauren S
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I love that the cop helped him. And I love even more that the boy felt he could approach cops for help.

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Salter explained that this claim of a singular, real masculinity has been roundly rejected since the late 1980s by a new sociology of masculinity.

"Led by the sociologist Raewyn Connell, this school of thought presents gender as the product of relations and behaviors, rather than as a fixed set of identities and attributes."

"Connell’s work describes multiple masculinities shaped by class, race, culture, sexuality, and other factors, often in competition with one another as to which can claim to be more authentic. In this view, which is now the prevailing social-scientific understanding of masculinity, the standards by which a 'real man' is defined can vary dramatically across time and place," he explained.

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Sue Lynn Chan
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9 months ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have fix my broken relationship with my father. He may have a few flaws, yet he always there for me when I needed

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Cyber Returns
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

His niece will worship him forever and on that day when they have to stand up in class and tell the room who is their hero, you know who she is going to name

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Full of Giggles
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When I was 24, I was homeless in a city with a high sexual assault rate. I would go to the library every few days and look for real estate listings for vacant houses in the area with fenced in yards. I would then sleep in one of the yards to hide myself from the crazies. I never went into the home or used the utilities. I kept to the yard and patio. Unbeknownst to me, a police officer had followed me a few times and saw me climbing over a fence. He stopped me one night as I was about to make my climb. Instead of arresting me, he took me to his home and gave me a safe place to sleep. He and his husband also sold me a 15 passenger van for $1000 and helped me convert it into a camper van. I lived in that van for three years and loved it. I still have it 15 years later.

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Connell and others theorized that common masculine ideals such as social respect, physical strength, and sexual potency become problematic when they promote unattainable standards, since falling short can make boys and men insecure and anxious, which might prompt them to use force in order to feel, and be seen as, dominant and in control.

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"Male violence in this scenario doesn’t emanate from something bad or toxic that has crept into the nature of masculinity itself. Rather, it comes from these men’s social and political settings, the particularities of which set them up for inner conflicts over social expectations and male entitlement," Salter continued.

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Pie
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reminds me of "Never make fun of someone mispronouncing a word, it means they learned it by reading.:

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Lauren S
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That is a great drawing for 1st grade and such a sweet thoughtful thing of dad to do. I think any parent would keep it but brining it out for this occasion was simply gold.

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Kathryn Baylis
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As long as the provider stays in business. I used to have a Netzero email address, until Netzero closed down their website. I didn’t find out about it until it was too late to move some info over to my new email address.

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Debbie
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Do login to the account once in a while though, it might be deleted if you don't log in.

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Jenn Condemned
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I did this but remember you have to log in to the child's account often. They deleted mine for nonuse. 😭😭😭

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Jen M
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's awesome! We also opened email accounts, to snag ones with our kids names without the need of a million numbers after each name. I occasionally go there to tell them how much I love them. I never thought to post photos and send nites of accomplishments! I missed the boat!!!

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Beck
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Or try to start it while he is in the womb so he can have pics of that time as well

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Soledad Godoy
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I do that todo, but I sent him mails about how much i love him and why

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Lara Elliott
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5 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Cool idea but I’d rather have a scrapbook. Scrapbooks don’t have glitches or can be shut down, hacked, or require electricity to access. Maybe it’s a good back up plan though🤷‍♀️

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Elaine Reed
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

As emails can be hacked, I suggest you also print all that material. Store it in a fireproof place and give him the paper version as hardcopy backup.

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Rivers of Belief
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I created an email too and never thought about sending pictures there. You are the man!!!!! I can send him emails and words of encouragement for later in life.

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Ellen Lanser
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm old, so there was no email yet, but I noted all their sayings and doings in 6 books for each son. During their upbringing we sometimes read it, and had a lot of fun together. They will get them when the time it ripe.

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Willem Oosterhof
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I would sure store those pictures offline as well. What if the server crashes? You would be devistated.

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Jane W.
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Many important memories are now lost due to email instead of handwritten letters. also, without paper photographs, all could be lost with a computer crash or theft.

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LapCat
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My daughter is 14…. I want to do this, got a lot of catching up to do!

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Alro
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

We have photo albums, and instead of working on a one-time dramatic reaction in the future, we regularly look into that and are continuously happy reviewing good memories and achievements

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marianne eliza
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Make sure the emails don't age out! (means automatically deleted due to age.)

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MaggieMay85
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everyone is saying you have to log into it, why is my yahoo email still working. I went 10 years with logging on and I remember I had pictures when I was deployed on there, so went on. There they were. The bottom of 75000 spam emails.

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LeighPig
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My husband has done this for our 2 daughters and for his first daughter. He writes to them every few months too and includes some of the little things as well as the bigger things. <3

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The Mediterranean Fruit
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Al thought it is a really sweet idea, I would advise that you don’t do this. What if someone was able to access the account and get ahold of a lot of your child’s information?

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John Harrison
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nice concept, but trusting that something so valuable to some corporation's IT department is nuts. Print those things out and put them in a scrapbook.

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Vero SM
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I opened a file on my computer for each of my children, aside from many archives and photos i have, I keep for them little awards and other achievements

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David
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Nice idea but I save things about my grandkids on local storage / backups.

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By the mid-2000s, despite Connell’s objections, her theories were being portrayed in ways that echoed mythopoetic archetypes of healthy and destructive masculinity.

In a 2005 study of men in prison, the psychiatrist Terry Kupers defined toxic masculinity as “the constellation of socially regressive male traits that serve to foster domination, the devaluation of women, homophobia, and wanton violence.”

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ShriSha Kamboj
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

i love this initiative but i also know that some entitled people will misuse this

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Referencing Connell’s work, Kupers stated that prison brings out the “toxic” aspects of masculinity in prisoners, but that this toxicity is already present in the wider cultural context.

Since then, the return to toxic masculinity has leaked from academic literature to wide cultural circulation, and the reason is understandable. It offers a simple diagnosis for gendered violence and masculine failure.

"New proponents of the concept, sometimes unaware of its origins, tend to agree that men and boys are affected by a social 'sickness' and that the cure is cultural renewal—that is, men and boys need to change their values and attitudes," Salter wrote.

Yes, research consistently shows that boys and men who hold sexist attitudes are more likely to perpetrate gendered violence. But where do these sexist attitudes come from? 

Are men and boys just the victims of cultural brainwashing into misogyny and aggression, requiring reeducation into the 'right' beliefs? Or are these problems rooted more deeply, and created by the myriad insecurities and contradictions of men’s lives under gender inequality?

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"The concept of toxic masculinity encourages an assumption that the causes of male violence and other social problems are the same everywhere, and therefore, that the solutions are the same as well," Salter said.

But material realities matter. "In one Australian Aboriginal violence-prevention program that I evaluated with colleagues, Aboriginal educators worked in partnership with men and boys to identify the key drivers of gendered violence and inequality. Solutions were rooted in cultural pride, tailored to local contexts, and underpinned by recognition of the intergenerational impacts of racism and trauma," Salter said. "The program understood that masculinity itself isn’t toxic, and instead sought to understand and change the roots of toxic gendered behavior."

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michael Chock
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It's all about keeping people desperate enough to do anything for money. Keeps our attention away from the takers doing this to us.

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Tiramisu
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There’s a LOT that is wrong and uncertain in Pakistan right now. But this… this gives me pride and hope for our future. Pakistan Zindabad 🇵🇰

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SheamusFanFrom1987
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yeah, this is proof that the little boys in grown men never fade away, they just make way for the responsible fella sharing the body to do his thing when needed. However, when the opportunity arises, WEEEEEEEE....!!! :-)

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Katie Lutesinger
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

There's a cafe in my area where if you bring your dog they give you a free dog biscuit. So I took my dog there on his birthday and told the waitress "and a biscuit for him because it's his birthday!" Imagine my surprise when my food came with, not a dog biscuit, but a big shortbread cookie plus a takeaway container full of water. It was only later that I realised what had happened: I'd gone to the wrong bloody cafe, but they'd improvised with a free biscuit anyway, just because it was my dog's birthday. :D

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ThatCapybara
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9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Oh, to have siblings like this.... my brother: SHE DID I SAW HER DOES THIS MEAN I HAVE EXTRA TIME ON THE COMPUTER IS SHE GROUNDED MUUUUM

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