Father Accused Of Trying To “Abduct” Daughter Now Refuses To Be Out Alone With Her
A trip to the park turned out to be a source of trauma for a father, who now refuses to be alone with his daughter when she has to be taken to school, the hospital, or just about anywhere outside the house.
The child’s mother shared her concerns online and revealed that her husband’s cautious and anxiety-driven behavior with their child is affecting their family in several ways.
Calling her husband “Barry” and her daughter “Kayla” in the message, the mother narrated the story about the trip to the park that changed everything for their family.
“Last year, my husband ‘Barry’ took our then-4-year-old daughter ‘Kayla’ to the park. Kayla apparently threw a tantrum over not wanting to wear her mittens, and when my husband tried to calm her down, someone took notice, decided he was trying to abduct her, and called the police,” the mother said in her submission to Care and Feeding — Slate’s parenting advice column.
The child was throwing a tantrum in the park, which led to someone calling the police after assuming the father was trying to abduct her
Image credits: Josh Willink / Pexels (Representational image)
“That led to him being detained and separate questioning of both Kayla and Barry before the police decided that no, actually, nothing was wrong and let him go,” she added.
The mother explained that she’s been having to do some major heavy lifting in terms of parenting because Barry now refuses to take their daughter outside all by himself.
“Since then, Barry has refused to take Kayla anywhere if he’s not accompanied by me or some other relative. I have to do all of the driving whenever we need to take her to a doctor, attend some school function, take her out anywhere she wants to go, etc.,” the mother wrote.
While the wife said she shouldn’t “judge” Barry for this, she admitted that she’s struggling to carry the entire load of the “outside-the-house parenting work” by herself.
The father now refuses to take their daughter outside by himself
Image credits: Mike Greer / Pexels
She also said Barry has been sitting for therapy sessions, but she hasn’t seen much of an improvement.
“He’ll be noticeably anxious when outside the home with Kayla and still refuses to be with her without some other relative along. I need some kind of support here, and my husband can’t provide it. What can I do to get out of this mess?” she concluded.
In response to the mother’s message, the parenting advice column acknowledged that the incident in the park must have been “not only scary but potentially traumatizing” for both Barry and Kayla.
“There’s room for you to be nonjudgmental but honest with Barry about how this specific symptom of avoidance—refusing to take your daughter anywhere in public—is affecting all of you. Even if his anxiety is understandable to some extent, it’s interfering with his daily life, his parenting, and activities that I assume he actually wants to be able to do with Kayla,” read the response.
“What can I do to get out of this mess?” the desperate mother asked
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels
The response suggested that the mother could be supportive by listening to Barry and agreeing that his feelings “aren’t the enemy.” Nevertheless, the mother is fair in expecting him to work on changing things, the response noted.
The mother was also given the advice of leaning on friends and family to help out with Kayla or hiring a caregiver.
“I get that you feel frustrated and isolated. None of this is fair, including what happened to your daughter and your husband,” the message said. “It might not feel like it as you drive Kayla everywhere by yourself, but you and Barry can still find ways to support one another and be a team—he can listen to your concerns and try to work on his issues; you can encourage him to overcome this hangup (for his own benefit as much as yours and Kayla’s) without dismissing how he feels. I hope this situation is temporary and he’s soon able to move past the avoidance, if not the anxiety.”
Barry’s anxiety is legit, however he needs to get used to deal with Kayla in a home setting, He needs to learn how to handle his daughter when she is throwing tantrums. Kayla needs to learn how to behave in public. They both need to have proper communication and respect each other’s space. Otherwise, these problems would resurface creating a distance between a father and a daughter.
While I agree that a parent should be able to manage a child tantrum and a child should learn to behave, the real problem is a society that isn't able to see a man as a parent. Children, above all young children, aren't able yet to manage their emotions in a proper way, hence, for one and ten thousand reasons, they throw tantrums. Sometimes you are able to calm them down in a minute, sometimes you need half an hour. But what it's not normal is calling cops on a father that has an emotional ditressed child. Above all when you don't even dream to do it on a mother. Yes, there are unhinged people out there, and better be safe than sorry, but in reality children aren't that much hurt by strangers. It's a false narrative. That person that called the cops could have approached the father and try to understand better the situation. Instead she saw a man (not a father, a man) and she made her totally wrong conclusions based only on her bias. And now that father has problems in coping with that
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These posts make me wonder what crâp my dad had to deal with as a SAHD while my mum worked, bringing me up in the 90s. I didn't realise until I was about 10 that it was seen as unusual. I am so angry on Barry's behalf. This should never have happened, but unfortunately it has and needs addressing. Barry needs to work in his therapy sessions, and I think it would be beneficial to imagine what he could do in that situation were he in it again with time to prepare (documents/photos he could carry etc.) - this would help me in that situation, anyway. Then I could carry that stuff knowing if the same shît went down we would at least hopefully not be detained and separated.
I'm sorry he has this anxiety, I wish it was an easy flip to see the bright side for him but...that's not how mental issues work. For a positive bent, think about how much safer the little child is in a community that does not ignore trauma and speaks up. Also, he can keep a family photo in his wallet or litter his phone with family photos and videos to show concerned others if required. Why didn't he have that in the first instance? Most parents can abduct others into hours of photos and videos of their little goblins if you let them.
Barry’s anxiety is legit, however he needs to get used to deal with Kayla in a home setting, He needs to learn how to handle his daughter when she is throwing tantrums. Kayla needs to learn how to behave in public. They both need to have proper communication and respect each other’s space. Otherwise, these problems would resurface creating a distance between a father and a daughter.
While I agree that a parent should be able to manage a child tantrum and a child should learn to behave, the real problem is a society that isn't able to see a man as a parent. Children, above all young children, aren't able yet to manage their emotions in a proper way, hence, for one and ten thousand reasons, they throw tantrums. Sometimes you are able to calm them down in a minute, sometimes you need half an hour. But what it's not normal is calling cops on a father that has an emotional ditressed child. Above all when you don't even dream to do it on a mother. Yes, there are unhinged people out there, and better be safe than sorry, but in reality children aren't that much hurt by strangers. It's a false narrative. That person that called the cops could have approached the father and try to understand better the situation. Instead she saw a man (not a father, a man) and she made her totally wrong conclusions based only on her bias. And now that father has problems in coping with that
Load More Replies... These posts make me wonder what crâp my dad had to deal with as a SAHD while my mum worked, bringing me up in the 90s. I didn't realise until I was about 10 that it was seen as unusual. I am so angry on Barry's behalf. This should never have happened, but unfortunately it has and needs addressing. Barry needs to work in his therapy sessions, and I think it would be beneficial to imagine what he could do in that situation were he in it again with time to prepare (documents/photos he could carry etc.) - this would help me in that situation, anyway. Then I could carry that stuff knowing if the same shît went down we would at least hopefully not be detained and separated.
I'm sorry he has this anxiety, I wish it was an easy flip to see the bright side for him but...that's not how mental issues work. For a positive bent, think about how much safer the little child is in a community that does not ignore trauma and speaks up. Also, he can keep a family photo in his wallet or litter his phone with family photos and videos to show concerned others if required. Why didn't he have that in the first instance? Most parents can abduct others into hours of photos and videos of their little goblins if you let them.
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