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41 Times People Changed How They View Their Relatives Due To A Secret Or Witnessing A Private Moment
All families have secrets, from the completely innocent to the deeply sinister.
Sometimes, it is a private moment you weren’t meant to see — a grandfather kissing his wife’s forehead when he thought no one was watching. Or an aunt you despise secretly helping someone pay their rent.
Other times, it’s an affair no one talked about, a hidden child, or health issues.
Redditors were recently asked to share the secrets or private moments that either disrupted or deepened their relationship with their family.
Some responses are heartbreaking, others are truly wholesome. A few might even make you go digging for some pieces of your own family puzzle.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I never knew my grandparents loved each other until I started visiting them during the summer as a teenager. They were very old school, very reserved in front of others. One morning I came down the stairs and saw them in the kitchen before they could see me. My grandma was sitting at the table with her coffee, reading the paper and my grandpa brought her breakfast before gently petting her head and when she looked up at him, it was like a physical manifestation of pure love passed between them. She smiled at him and reached up and patted his hand and he leaned down and kissed her forehead in a way that still brings tears to my eyes when I think about it. It was the first time I saw them be physically affectionate outside of a hand hold or pat on the shoulder and completely changed how I saw their relationship.
After that moment, I paid better attention and saw the ways they loved each other without words and when no one was looking and saw so many quiet examples of a deep love. They were married 65 years. .
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#2
My great-grandmother was often visited by a man with special needs when I was a kid. He was a little younger than my grandparents. My relatives all called him a "family-friend", and I didn't think too much about it. Sometime after her passing, I found a letter that was addressed to a woman in Arizona. That woman in Arizona was my great-grandfather's mistress, with whom he had a child. Our "family-friend". My great-grandmother had forgiven him, and they would send money for his child's raising and care. Sometime later after his mother passed, he came to live near my great-grandmother. Said a lot to me about her character, that she would treat him as her own all those years later. Not sure I would have done the same.
#3
Someone in my family owned several houses and allowed working poor people to stay in them for a pittance. Could have been making a profit but instead decided to serve the community. Dramatically increased my respect.
These dramatic revelations may shock or surprise us, but they are certainly not as rare as you might think.
One study found that about 97% of people are holding at least one significant secret, with the average person carrying around 13 secrets at a time.
Many of these are things they’ve never told anyone.
Maybe it’s a teen hiding a bad grade from their parents, or an adult keeping a past relationship a secret from their partner.
No matter the size, almost all of us have something that we want to keep under wraps.
#4
After my grandfather passed I learned that he had at one point been hospitalized for depression. The man was a mountain: outdoorsman, engineer, professor, veteran, and despite seeming grumpy and gruff (due to his chronic pain) was very compassionate and playful with us grandchildren. That he could have suffered from depression to that degree has helped me some with my own depression and feelings of self worth. Makes me miss him even more.
#5
During my childhood, there was always an extra man or two at the table for holiday dinners when my grandparents hosted. It was rare for the same person to attend more than one dinner.
When I was in my late teens, I realized these guests were all recovering alcoholics. My grandpa was involved in AA and also managed a half-way house later in life. My grandparents regularly invited people in recovery with nowhere else to go to celebrate the holidays with us.
As an adult, I realize how much love and support my grandparents showed those men trying to stay sober.
#6
Caught my grandma (super religious, judgmental AF) secretly donating half her pension every month to an animal shelter because "no one else will help the strays." She hid it for years because she didn't want praise. Made me realize her tough exterior was just armor — underneath she was the kindest person in the family.
Children develop the ability to keep secrets by the time they turn five, and science says it’s an important milestone in their mental development.
Some secrets are kept for protection, while others may be hidden out of fear, shame, or embarrassment.
But even though our brain’s instinct is to protect us, deliberately hiding info often comes at a cost.
A child or a teenager might feel more independent when they hide things from their parents, but at the same time, it might affect them psychologically.
Holding onto secrets is also linked to lower well-being in adults and can even hurt their quality of relationships.
#7
I was at my cousins house when we were about 8. Aunt and uncle were upstairs wrapping Christmas gifts. Obviously we weren’t supposed to be up there, but we happened to trying to sneak a peak at gifts, and saw my uncle lunge at my aunt stabbing her with the scissors. She told everyone the next day she had fallen, and I was so confused why she would lie. I now realize she was a DV victim, but was always confused from then on out being around them as a kid.
#8
I always knew my grandfather was a sober alcoholic. He’d been sober since my mom was in high school, so I never knew the drunk version of him. After he died, my grandmother asked my brother to go through his toolbox and take anything he wanted. Under the lining of the bottom drawer, my brother found a blank envelope with 2 pieces of paper. On each paper, front and back, was a list of names. He asked me to look at it and I recognized a few names, people my grandfather would say were “in the club”. I realized it was a list of everyone he had sponsored in AA. I didn’t read further. We put it back in the envelope and gave it to my grandmother. We told her what we thought it was, and without looking at it she tore it up and put it in the fireplace. That list was for nobody’s eyes but our grandfather and the people on the list deserved their anonymity even after his passing. We never mentioned the list again.
A few days later, the funeral director voluntarily told me he was sponsored by my grandfather. I hadn’t seen his name (only read 5-6 out of the two pages), and in that moment I knew my grandmothers was right for destroying the list. That relationship between an alcoholic and their sponsor is sacred, and she was going to protect it when my grandfather couldn’t do so himself.
#9
I had that "cool crazy" uncle. Always had a big smile, joke with everyone, rode a Harley & wanted to join a motorcycle club. Until he had something to drink.
I remember family gatherings as a kid, all eating dinner together. By the time dinner ended and he had had a few drinks, us kids were told to go downstairs and watch a movie. Looking back now, it was because of how he acted.
In college I did a research paper on PTSD and how it effects soldiers. By now I had learned he was a Vietnam vet. So I created a 20 something question form and sent it to my aunt, with a note that I wanted her to cross out and questions that would affect him in a bad way.
He returned it a week later, and answered all of my questions. I learned about some things that trigger his PTSD, how it's affected his daily life over the last 30 years, and some stories about things that happened to him during & after the war.
In the years since, he was able to go to schools and talk to students about his experiences. He also got a chance to meet with members of his unit and a guy they rescued to talk about things that happened.
It really helped me to understand why he did certain things the way he did, and how he acted. I've been able to research the documentation on medals he earned and things like that.
Studies say that the real problem with having secrets is not that we have to hide them, but rather that we have to live with them.
We are usually able to keep our secrets safe, but concealing them can be taxing.
The more people think about their secrets — the more ashamed and isolated they feel.
“You might think about secrets when you’re showering, when you’re doing your dishes or when you’re heading to work,” says Val Bianchi at the University of Melbourne in Australia.
“Having these thoughts pop into your mind when you don’t necessarily want them to is often unpleasant, and people seem to get caught in vicious cycles of thinking spontaneously about their secrets as they go about their life, and feeling worse about them.”
#10
We found out my aunt was paying extended family members to uninvite us from family events, after my father’s passing.
We have completely cut them off, but her wanting to control family dynamics is beyond disgusting.
#11
Found out my sweet, Christian grandma had an affair with my dad (her son-in-law) which led to my parents divorce. My mom kept it a secret for over a decade because she didn’t want me to look at my grandma any differently. Wasn’t surprised by my dad’s actions, but will never be able to look at my grandma the same way. She was also married to my grandpa (literally the sweetest man in the world) when this happened, he’s passed now thought and never found out.
#12
My sister was interviewing our grandfather for a school project once and asked what his earliest memory was. It was of the FBI showing up at his door and arresting our great-grandfather. Great-Grandpa was still able to provide for his family during the Great Depression, ostensibly because of his successful auto scrapyard. Turns out the much more lucrative side was helping the mob launder cash.
Not that they ever proved anything!
Some secrets can do real damage. Not just to the person hiding them, but also to anyone affected by them.
Research shows that growing up around secrets can leave a lasting mark. It can affect how kids form relationships later in life, how much they trust others, and even how they see themselves.
In some families, children end up taking on adult roles — like noticing a parent’s struggles, or trying to fix things they’re too young to handle.
Anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues can arise as people struggle to cope with the hidden truths.
It’s not uncommon for these secrets to become a source of conflict, leading to arguments and further emotional distance.
#13
My grandmother's dentures broke while she was having lunch once, I was in the living room with her while it happened. Her daughter's (my mom and aunt) absolutely lost their minds on her, blaming her for "chewing too hard." The look she gave me was just so miserable .. she just wanted to be believed and looked at me so helplessly. I blew up on my parents and chewed them out for sounding absolutely insane (seriously, what is even "chewing too hard").
Ever since then, I tell them to shut up and get lostall the time because I see them for the victim blamers they are. Everything that happens to them is their fault because of something they did.
What's funny is they think I'm a MASSIVE jerk for speaking to them the way they speak to everyone else.
#14
When I was 16, I overheard my dad on the phone at like 2am. He thought everyone was asleep.
He was talking to the electric company asking for a payment extension.
I’d always thought he was just strict and kind of emotionally unavailable.
Turns out he was juggling bills and just never let us feel it.
Completely changed how I saw him. He wasn’t cold. He was tired.
Robin Roper 29 minutes ago
And turn off the dang lights, shut the refrigerator door, and wear a sweater if you're cold.
#15
My Uncle is actually my cousin. He was adopted by his Aunt (my Grandma) at birth. They didn't tell him til he was in his 30s.
While the term secret often carries negative connotations, not all of them are inherently harmful… some of them may actually serve a functional role.
They can allow people to maintain autonomy and boundaries.
For instance, if someone discovers a partner’s infidelity, they often won’t tell other members of the family, especially the kids. It’s their way of avoiding disrupting the family dynamics.
Then there are also those private sweet moments that some people like to keep hidden.
For example, a grandparent quietly helping raise a child who isn’t biologically theirs can be one of those unspoken acts that keeps a family steady and supported.
#16
That my mother was the source of terrible incestuous rumors about me running around trying to steal husbands. Rumors that had alienated me from the extended family. I walked in on her casually starting one, It absolutely destroyed me. I was 12 years old.
#17
After my grandfather passed, a baby photo was found in his bible that did not belong to any relatives. He was in the same platoon that the band of brothers was based off of. We are fairly certain he fathered another baby overseas during WWII and took it to his grave.
#18
After I got dumped by my partner of six years I moved back home - I always had a close relationship with my grandparents and I've had a key to their house since I can remember. One day it was just my granny and I and she started telling me about the man she almost married before grandpa.
This was news to me because they were pretty perfect together - 60+ years of marriage and still laughing and joking with each other all the time. But apparently there was another man in town who had been kinda "courting" my granny back in the day, and she thought that he was going to be the one she married. Then she went to a village dance, saw my grandpa, and that was it.
She told me that the man she almost married had stayed in town and married someone else - and that he beat his wife terribly. She had a kind of mix of guilt and relief that her life had gone a different way, but guilt that someone else still went through that. It was really sad, and had clearly stuck with her all this time.
She passed last year and I always wondered if she'd ever told that story to anyone else. Then at her funeral my aunt (her daughter) was talking about how much granny had worried if my sister's boyfriend was a kind man, and how that was all she asked about. Maybe I'm making assumptions, but I think she was thinking about her almost-husband, and worrying about my sister ending up in a marriage like that (fortunately my now brother-in-law is a great guy).
Experts say sharing your darkest, deepest secrets with someone can actually help you.
“Secrets fester in the darkness. They grow larger and scarier, and they have the power to shape our whole lives without our even knowing it. But if we shine light on those secrets, the most extraordinary thing happens: we realize that we are not alone,” says American author and podcast host Dani Shapiro.
Shapiro says that the internet has given some people a safe space where they can confess these secrets.
“We are experiencing the era of the end of secrecy. Whether it’s as a result of DNA testing or the internet or of the #MeToo movement, the explosion and revelation of secrets all around us is allowing us to begin to understand that we may trust others with our deepest fears, our most deeply held secrets.”
#19
I remember my sister leaning over the casket that held our brother, only to go back to husband at the time and check to make sure the pictures looked good. I've viewed everything she says and does since differently.
#20
My uncle, who is in long-term care and nearing the end of his life, was believed to have been drafted into the Army in 1970 — at least that’s what we all thought.
I asked my aunt for his DD214 and discovered that he actually enlisted in May 1970. His birthday is September 13, 1951, and his draft number would have been 135. In the July 1, 1970 draft lottery, they called numbers 1–125.
So not only was he not drafted, he enlisted two months before the lottery even took place.
Why does everyone think he was drafted when he actually signed up voluntarily?
#21
When I was in maybe my late teens, I asked my uncle at a family gathering about his new job. He had been laid off from a management position and was out of work for a bit, and I knew he'd just started work at a candy manufacturing plant. I want to say it was a typical job working a production line, the kind of job you take to keep your family afloat when you're desperate.
I naively said something to the effect of "How's the new job, do you like it?" To which he replied "No, it's terrible."
I don't think I had ever, up to that point, had an adult nakedly admit to me that sometimes the world kicks you and you take a lousy job when it's better than nothing.
Secrets are part of how we interact with others. We never fully reveal ourselves, and no one can completely know anyone else.
A little mystery, or some things left unsaid, is normal. It’s about knowing when to share, when to hold back, and how much to let others in without losing yourself or hurting others.
“Try as we might, we can never entirely disclose ourselves to the other, nor can we ever fully know someone else — or ourselves for that matter. A degree of secrecy, one might say, is a fundamental human impulse, and social life would be impossible without it,” writes Karen Vallgårdais, associate professor at the Saxo Institute of the University of Copenhagen.
#22
My grandma found a pack of cigarettes when i was about 14/15 and asked if they were mine. I said no but she then said to me they must be your dads i’ll ask him why they were hidden in your drawer. Then i confessed they were mine. She didnt get mad she just said “well then lets have a smoke shall we?” Smoked a cigarette with her. She had stopped smoking about 12 years before that. We both never spoke of it again.
#23
Recently found out my brother in law, a redneck country farmer deep in Trump county voted for Harris after discussing the choice with my wife. Definitely changed how I thought about him. Now if we can just get him to believe the world is round and we DID land on the moon.
michael Chock 36 minutes ago
It takes willfully ignorance and/or 0 morals to vote for a ped file, racist, anti democracy criminal slumlord.
#24
I was in the room when my mom gave birth to my youngest sibling (I was a teen at the time). I watched her labour and suffer for hours and hours, shriek and writhe in pain, pray to a god she doesn't believe in, and more than once admit "I don't think I can do it this time!" Then I watched her near break her body to push a new life into the world.
And then it hit me all at once that she did all of this and more (I was a longer, more complicated delivery) to give me a shot at life. My views of her changed immensely that day. Thanks mom ❤️.
#25
Got a letter thanking me for a wheelchair donation to a hospital in Colombia. i share a name with my father though it was for me. turns out he makes a yearly donation to the hospital were a cousin of mine was taken and helped after getting hit by a drunk driver. idk why he kept it a secret at first. maybe because we were always tight on money and my mother would have thought it a frivolous expense. but he told me they said his nephew wouldn't walk again but they operated on him and after a few years he was able to walk. and once they didn't need the wheelchair my uncle donateded it to the hospital and my father gave one to. and it's something they both do as gratitude for god and that hospital .
#26
After my grandad passed, my mom told me that him & my (step)gran used to take in young, unwed mothers. He was already my most favorite person in the world, this just made me miss him more.
Also, he didn't disown my uncle for coming out (like many people did back then). My uncle would bring his partner with him whenever he came to visit. He's family now. My uncle has since passed away, but we still talk.
#27
I caught my grandma swapping store bought cookies into her own tins before the bake sale. she let me in on it so i wouldnt tell. it is still our little secret today.
#29
When my mom and family found out my dad had fathered a secret child with his secretary. He told her to go ahead and leave. You have no money and no home to leave to.
I always wonder if it’s worse to have no dad or to have a jerk of dad.
#30
I can never look at several of my family members the same. One Aunt didn’t take her aging dog to the vet and he was losing his sight and in pain, another uncle kicked the dog because he snapped at him (didn’t bite, just snapped) because of how much pain he was in, and another uncle also refused to take their dog to the vet, and wouldn’t allow me to do it when I offered. Have had to call the rspca on that one, and will never look at any of them the same.
Being told all my life that we let things slide because family is the most important, but then they do things like this that I can’t let go, and I finally realise that family is not the most important.
#31
The one and only time I ever saw my dad get emotional.
He was never one to show or express his emotions. He was always tough and soft spoken. Said little, but whenever he did speak his words carried weight. I remember one night in high school where I couldn't sleep and decided to try to raid the refrigerator for some late night snacks.
Instead, I stopped on the stairs overhearing my mom talk with my dad. They were discussing how it was impossible to pay bills due to my two older siblings being in college and me about two years away from going off to college.
My dad was a high earning engineer for oil and gas. However, his large salary still was not enough to support three kids, a wife, and 3 cats. Also, a lot of medical issues arose for him due to his poor diet, stress, and having heart issues.
It was the first time I ever saw my dad look at a stack of bills and cover his face in shame and defeat. He muttered, "How the hell am I supposed to pay the mortgage when I can't afford groceries for y'all?"
Edit: To the people who keep PM-ing me on if went to college or not... Yes I did. A lot of student loans were taken out as a result. Still in tremendous debt from it.
#32
My gramps has a pic of my nana at 16 that she gave him when they started dating. It’s in his wallet. He carried it to war and every single place he was stationed. The picture is over 70 years old and he still proudly shows everyone “his girl” when we visit. He doesn’t even use his wallet anymore. He keeps it on his desk as the placeholder for her picture.
#33
One summer I was one of the college age grandchildren on rotating assignments to help our 70+ years old grandparents out. And they had been arguing all week. Little stuff, but a lot of harrumphs and yelling.
And Grandma said “I’m LEAVING YOU !”. Went upstairs. Packed a little bag. Put on her best going to town suit and hat. Called a cab. And took the train into the city (NYC). And stayed with a friend all week. Went to the spa. Went shopping. Went to museums and art exhibits. Had a lovely time.
And Grandpa was miserable. Moped around. Grumbled. I cooked for him and helped him around the yard. He didn’t even want to go fishing. Just sat around listening to the radio and grumbling at the newspaper.
And Grandma appeared. Polished. Elegant. Relaxed. And Grandpa was desperately affectionate. “I missed you SO much !”
And while she was hugging him and he was crying, she looked at me and gave me a slow, sly, wink !
#34
I was always fascinated by my grandfather. He was very successful, and very mysterious when it came to his success. I knew that he was CEO of a large multinational company, One that had over 100,000 employees. He was always going out, dressed up lovely and when I was about 15 I decided to follow him. (This was 10 years ago). He went onto the train and headed into the city, caught another train and went to a completely different area.
I followed him from a distance when he was walking down some streets and then I saw him turn into a house. I didn't really think much of it so I just kept walking and I walked past the house and looked in the window and I saw him sitting on the couch with another woman and several kids. I was very very confused.
I always remembered that. Never forgot. I wanted to ask him but I didn't want to expose myself for following him. So my friend and I went back to that house that I saw him in several months later and I knocked on the door and I was just pretending to be someone who was interested in washing windows and completely by my surprise, the woman who answered the door recognized me. She said I'm Jason's son (Jason is my dad) And she laughed and said what am I doing there.
She invited me inside and was being very lovely. As I was sitting in the lounge room, I was looking at all of the pictures on the mantle and on the walls and it was of my grandfather, with her and a whole lot of kids I don't recognize. And it started to hit on me that my grandfather was having an entirely different family, and an entirely different life only 30 minutes away.
She came back into the living room and looked at me very confused and I said " who am I" and she said on Jason's son and I said, and who's Jason? And she told me that he was my grandfather's colleague. So basically my grandfather was telling his secret family that his son, that is my dad, is his work colleague.
My grandfather and I kept a good relationship, I never spoke of it but he knew that I knew.
#35
I was told my uncle was a philanderer, and that really colored me against him. One time we were talking a long walk on the beach, having cocktails and talking.
He had met my aunt and she'd gotten pregnant. He family was very well connected, and they "did the right thing" and got married. He said, "a month later, I met the love of my life."
turns out that my Aunt was fully aware, nothing was hidden and secretive. It was an arrangement among consenting adults. it completely changed my relationship with him, as I'd been in a complicated situation myself.
#36
During college I stayed at my uncle's home for a few weeks. My uncle's wife was not liked (not hated, just not liked, if that makes sense) by my side of the family and I didn't know why. I was young and didn't care about the drama anyway.
The uncle's mother-in-law also lived with them at the time. She was sweet and kind.
One day the grandma was putting the dishes away or something but it wasn't THE way the aunt liked it. The attitude and berating the aunt gave her mother was an absolute shock to me. And the aunt's eyes as she looked at her mother, full of hate and resentment... Something I would never forget. I could never look at my mother like that. Ever.
I completely lost any respect I ever had for the aunt after that moment.
#37
I learned my father was previously married to a different woman at my 15th birthday dinner. Not scandalous, the family just had decided to never ever talk about it.
#38
My parents divorced when i was 16. when i was 28 my wife discovered my dad's first marriage. NO ONE had ever mentioned it. I casually mentioned it to my mom and she said 'yea, i had found newspaper clippings about it back in the 80s and everyone lied to me about it being real'
Im now 39 and still unclear if either of my brothers are aware.
#39
My mom had mental health issues and my parents divorced when I was eight. My dad always blamed the divorce on that. I had to live with her for another ten years after that so I sympathized with him.
My dad served in the military and my mom wrote him letters the entire time he was away. He saved them all. At one point when I was an adult he gave them to me but asked me not to read them until after they had both passed.
When I finally got around to reading them I realized that my mother's mental health issues were very, very visible well before they married. Lost any sympathy I had for him. You knew what you were getting into Dad!
#40
I found out the real reason my parents divorced when i was like one or two years old. My dad's affair partner sent him a Happy Fathers day card in the mail because she wanted his kids. My mom got home and saw it, exposing the cheating. I wasn't told this until i was about 24.
#41
I had an uncle who, to me, was the kindest, funniest, most engaging, and heartwarming person I had ever known as a child, and him coming to visit was always the highlight of the entire season. He was basically infallible to me, and he was so ultra positive all of time.
When I was around 21, my mom asked me for some help on her computer, and in helping her, I incidentally came across an e-mail from my uncle to my mom where my uncle was chastising and berating my mom, calling her names, talking about all the grave sins she had committed, how irresponsible she was, the deep disrespect she had shown him, how he couldn't believe she would still act like such a child at her age, and that she has always been disrespectful to him and the whole family even from the time they where children. I immediately wondered what my mom could have possibly done that could have warranted such a drastic e-mail from my jolly uncle, what was this grave sin?
It turned out she owed him $250, and had informed him in advance that she would need an extra week to make good on it, and the e-mail that I read was my uncles first response.
It was like a switch was flipped for me in regards to my uncle. Gone was my jolly uncle and I was left with a just a memory of what turned out to be performances. I never got the chance to talk to him about it before he passed, and now that I am older I feel more conflicted about it.
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