Family Left In Tears 30 Years Later After Realizing They Kicked Out Their Son Because Of A Lie
When the people who are supposed to always have your back betray you, your entire life can fall apart. Learning to let go of the anger and hate can be one of the most difficult things you’re asked to do. It can take years of dedicated therapy to finally move on. Sometimes, the past is best left in the past.
Redditor Fancy-Anywhere-4733 went viral after sharing the story of how his family threw him out on the streets with the ‘Two Hot Takes’ podcast community. Decades after this happened, they finally wanted to reconnect and apologize. Read on for the full story. Bored Panda has reached out to the author of the post, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from him.
It can take years of therapy to reframe the traumatic experiences you had in your childhood
Image credits: djoronimo (not the actual photo)
One man opened up about how his loved ones threw him out when he was just a teenager
He started the story by sharing some context about his family
Everything took a dark turn when his stepbrother felt envious and decided to frame him
Image credits: prathanchorruangsak (Not the actual photo)
After three decades of silence, the man’s family tried to reconnect with him after the truth came out
Image credits: LinkedIn Sales Navigator (Not the actual photo)
Image credits: Fancy-Anywhere-4733
The author was unwilling to dredge up the past. He had already moved on with his life
Everything started because the OP’s stepbrother got envious and decided to set him up. The repercussions of that decision echoed through the decades. The author was left on the streets by his own family.
“Well, I lived on the streets for 2 years, doing what I had to in order to survive. No kid should have had to do what I had to do, in order to just live, just saying. There were some really dark days,” he wrote.
However, he adapted, survived, and later thrived. He got a stable job, found a loving wife, and has 4 daughters he’s proud of. His life has been a success.
He has moved on from what happened in his youth and doesn’t want to revisit the past. According to the author, therapy has been extremely helpful in unpacking and reframing his life experiences.
Some people feel very aggressive toward their siblings which can lead to profound problems down the line
While sibling rivalry is fairly common, it is very different from sibling aggression. Some siblings might feel resentful toward each other because they’re jealous, their parents treat them differently, or they have an axe to grind due to being mistreated earlier.
Rivalry is mainly all about competing for the parents’ attention and resources. Meanwhile, aggression between siblings has the goal of causing physical or emotional harm.
“Rivalry is about finding unique successes or developing personal qualities that make a person different from their sibling to capture parents’ attention. Too much rivalry can lead to aggressive behavior,” Corinna Jenkins Tucker, Ph.D., C.F.L.E., the director of the Sibling Aggression and Abuse Research and Advocacy Initiative, explained to Bored Panda during an earlier interview.
“Before that happens, parents can help with perspective-taking skills and using mediation techniques to help settle conflicts,” she said.
“When the behavior has an intent to harm, then a line is crossed. When the aggression becomes severe, one-sided, and part of a pattern, that is abuse. The harmed sibling may feel tormented,” Tucker told Bored Panda.
“Others (e.g., parents, other siblings) and professionals may need to help with recognition if the harmed sibling does not realize what is happening. In the case of abuse, outside professional help is needed, and reconciliation may not be possible,” she said.
Safety should always be your priority. When there is actual aggression or abuse going on, it can be safest for the victim to stop all contact with their sibling.
Even with a good therapist in your corner, it will take a lot of hard work to reframe your past experiences
There is no ‘requirement’ that someone has to ‘forgive and forget’ the people who wronged them. They might do so, but once they’ve moved past their anger and resentment, they’re not obligated to bring the people who hurt them back into their lives.
At the end of the day, whether or not to speak to your estranged family after so many years is a very personal decision. Some people hope to reconnect to make up for lost time, like their family members. Others have a great life and do not want to dredge up past trauma. There are no wrong answers here, only what you feel is right and healthy for you.
Finding a therapist who’s a good fit for you can take a while. Ideally, you may want a professional who specializes in the type of life experiences that befell you. Someone who knows what family trauma looks like and how it affects you may be a better fit than someone more generalized.
Therapists do not do the work for you. All the emotional heavy lifting is your responsibility, but the mental health experts help guide you through the entire process. You are supposed to feel challenged to a certain extent, as they reframe your experiences. Your therapist isn’t there to support your every single thought and feeling like a friend would.
However, if you fundamentally feel like your therapist isn’t a good fit for you, there’s no shame in seeking another specialist’s help. It’s very important that you feel a mutual sense of trust and comfort so you can fully open up.
The author shared some more context in the comments of his post
Image credits: Andrew Neel (Not the actual photo)
He later posted an important update to his story
Image credits: Fancy-Anywhere-4733
Image credits: Polina Zimmerman (not the actual photo)
He shared the letter that he received from his stepsister ‘Emily’
Then, he posted what he wrote back to her
Here’s what some internet users had to say after they read the entire story
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I don’t get why all the ire is focused on Mark? Mark is a douche, no doubt about it, but he was 14 at the time this happened. OP’s OWN DAD tossed him out, and sided with his new family over his flesh and blood. His Dad should have been the adult in all of this and he failed as a father and a human being. That is where the blame really lies in this story
Mark was a child, but as he aged, he never told the truth about what he did - that is what makes him evil. The father - he is next level evil. To throw your child out, to have your parents not be there for their grandchild - hell is too good for him.
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I think OP deserves a standing ovation for his approach to this tragedy. He made the best out of a very bad situation and he's absolutely right in leaving those who hurt him, behind. He has his priorities right. Well done!
couldn't agree more. I too wouldn't want to reconcile in his situation, but I probably would have chosen more graphic words. btw: First red flag was, when "Dad" said something about the 14-year old being the "man of the house". yeah...no, f**k that s**t.
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I can't believe how little some parents care about their kids. Just setting aside the fact he believed his stepson without a doubt and without even hearing his son's side, how could you think that kicking your 16 year old to the streets was ever a good solution? If any of this had been true, and the 16 year old did in fact fancy his stepsister, you work on that (punishment, therapy, anything). You don't kick him out and sever all contact. A 16 year old being attracted to a 14 year old is not a pedo btw.
Also - she's not his half sister. Biologically, they're strangers. So, while it may look weird, if some step-siblings truly love each other, not in the siblingy way, but as life partners - why should that be wrong? Why shouldn't they?
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After they put him in the street alone at 16, they want to see him again!? All these decades after. It's too bad he didn't teport then to the cops when they didnt even consider his side of thing. Pretty sure its illegal to just kick out a kid under 18 y/o. This people suck and don't sedge anything fun him, including forgiveness or contact at all. If he responded to email, I hope it was a detailed description of all the hell he went thru just to survive. And remind them how you went thru hell and it's 100% their fault
The response he sent and the email he received are in the post. Not sure if it was when you read it or not, but it’s there now. Sadly, he was very nice in the email, which is much more than his family deserves
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The problem here is throwing OP the way his dad did was deeply wrong even if OP had done what he was accused of doing. In that situation, you get your child therapy, you find him an alternate living situation but you don’t throw him out in the clothes he standing in. Thats the true evil here and the family isn’t acknowledging it.
And OP and Mark were constantly fighting. Why would they believe Mark?
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OP, the only thing you need to concentrate on is you and your family. The person who wrote "they are not reaching out to make you feel better, they are reaching out to make them feel better," is bang on the mark. Tell them you appreciate that they now know what a******s they were but for my money that ship sailed a long time ago. Hug your wife and kids and move on.
16 plus 30 = 46. If he's "pushing 53", so this was more like 40 years ago. Father and stepmother are "preparing for retirement". So I do not know what the retirement age is where OP lives, but at least the father is 75ish, assuming he was 35 when he kicked OP out. That sounds late in age. It might be a cultural thing, but in most western countries such a harsh reaction can only mean 1. Father is addicted to religion or 2. a general vile character. Poorest parenting, not knowing how the brains of the kids were working. Kicking out a minor on the streets is (at least in most European countries) followed by an answer by the law. And minors do get help, if they want, even if they don't want. OPs school did not notice him vanishing? Here police and other institutions would go searching for every child that is listed in the city council administration. Being a suspected sex offender would not change that.
Also, this is BP. This story could be 10 years old at the time posted so it’s hard to know exactly when this took place without reading the actual original post. I may go do that now though lol
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If they mean it, they need to go to the police and get Mark into jail. Anything less, they just pay lip service. Also, why isn't she writing that the father broke Mark's jaw? Because that's the least I'd do if someone set me up against my child. Nah, OP is good where he is.
Why isn't the father reaching out? Go to jail for what? For lying that he wanted to later marry his sister and looking at her creepy? He didn't even accuse him of sexual assault. The dad and stepmom should be in jail for kicking him out. As should the grandparents for not helping him.
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My therapist once said that true forgiveness is indifference- anything that offending person does after the fact, whether bad or good , makes you feel nothing, that's when you know you gave closed that chapter.
Would it be a problem to meet Emily? After all she had nothing to do with any of it and they got on. Also she was manipulated by her family. However I haven't been in that situation thankfully so idk how emotionally damaging that might be. Absolutely never speak to the parents or brother again. I have mixed feelings on the girlfriend. If she was manipulated into believing as well and then broke up with him I completely understand but the fact that she married mike makes me think she's also a bit of an ah. But if he was to meet any of them then meet the 2 women under the conditions that they don't tell anything to the parents or mike.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't find fault with the sister, and don't see the harm in staying in contact with her (at least giving it a try). However, just because I don't think staying in contact with her would have necessarily been the wrong thing to do, I'm not going to second guess his decision either.
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Mark and the father deserve a bunch of kicks in the teeth and in more places. While I completely understand OP's inability to forgive, I personally think his sister is a victim too. She was lied to profusely by Mark, who has a extremely malicious and evil nature, but also by the father, who apparently did not care how his children were feeling. Unfortunately, she found out too late and has to pay by seeing her brother never again. Phew! Life is a bįtch.
A mom or stepmom who sits on the high horse of “doing what’s right to protect her family “ (but won’t admit she really doesn’t like being a mom); a dad who serves as her spineless goon squad, and some psycho who plays the situation like a violin. A lot of people can relate.
Those monsters want to make amends now because THEY are in pain. OP experienced hurt and struggle and trauma from this for YEARS and his family feels that them experiencing a fraction of the hurt for a few days is intolerable?? Now that its effects are on them they are bending over backwards to fix their misery trying to force him to absolve them? F**k those guys. When they have each suffered the equivalent of what OP did they STILL don’t deserve forgiveness because OP was innocent and they are not. Their debt can never be paid. I hate them.
I am happy for OP that he chose to leave the past in the past. The only thing I can imagine coming out of meeting his former family, is a naturally over-powering need by them to "make amends" which, under the circumstances, places all the emotional responsibility onto OP's shoulders. Not because they aren't willing to take responsibility themselves, but because there is truly nothing they can DO, but keep desperately pleading remorse like a parishioner chanting their hail Marys in hopes of absolution. This leaves Op to rehash everything he suffered with each and every interaction, weighing the grief and remorse in their words and on their faces against how little they know of his full experience... Right down to how many times he likely walked beside death for their rash choices.
Good for OP, toxic family often use reconciliation as a trap to draw you back into toxicity. And it will be hard to only contact step sister, and not the rest. The letter wasn't meant, it was courteous and honest. Nicely handled, that must have been tough.
The letter also feels like AI generated or modified from AI
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The thing that shocked me the most about the whole story is how they immediately believed in the lie and didn't even make the slightest of effort to investigate if it was true or not. Suddenly being told that your son is a "perv" is not something you just accept without undeniable evidence! Even the worst of criminals out there are given a fair trial before being found guilty.
Mark wanted the girl and OP out of the picture. He got everything he wished. Nothing is said about Lisa leaving Mark at the end and that would have been satisfactory, especially since they have no children. He was 14 yes, but never went back on his words in 30 years, that makes him the bad guy, along with his mother and stepfather; these two could have at least placed OP somewhere, instead of throwing him in the streets with nothing.
Setting aside fair questions about how true this story might be... I feel like Emily would be a victim in this situation too, though obviously not to the same extreme that OP was. As a girl of about 13, she was led to believe that someone she had loved, trusted and shared a home with had harboured problematic feelings for her and stolen her intimate belongings. That would have been a violation, albeit not a physical one, and the reaction of her family clearly implied that she had been endangered, even if their intervention supposedly prevented that danger from being realised. That would have a lingering impact on a young woman, especially on her ability to trust her judgement and to trust other men in her life or people close to her. The email doesn't really address that, but at the point it was supposedly written the truth was very new to her, and she hadn't had decades and extensive therapy like OP to work through that.
Lisa, too, may well have been manipulated to regard Mark as the person who saved her from a bad relationship, with someone who was presented as "perverted" - a characteristic that might well have posed a threat to her as well. Also, with someone who supposedly had more interest in his 13yo stepsister than in her, his girlfriend, which I could easily see Mark using to undermine her self-esteem. She does seem to have tried to do the right thing when confronted with the truth. I certainly think OP would be right to hold his boundaries and safeguard the life and well-being he has built; he has no obligation to any of them. But I wouldn't be holding Emily or Lisa responsible for the actions of Mark and the parents.
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Sounds like fake story to me _ first, immediately calling your son 'perv' and kicking him from the house because of one accusation? Sounds overly dramatic. Also, emails from Emily and OP seems to be written by the same person. Well,if it's true, then It's only OP's choice- either he can tell them all to shove their apologies where sun doesn't shine, or he can meet them and listen what they have to say. And I wonder what they gonna do with Mark? He doesn't sound like someone who would apologize .
My adoptive parents threw me out at 17.they accused me of trying to seduce my adoptive dad and brother. I was brought up, by them no less, to not even know what sex entailed. I was so lucky not have to do sex work to survive. Unlike this man. He is very much not the norm, in that he not only survived but he thrived. We are all not that lucky
Load More Replies... WTF is wrong with that Dad? Now, not having children, I can of course easily speak words of wisdom and knowitallery, but ... but, if such a suspection comes up, you neither need risk your daughter, nor abandon your son. You seperate them, because the suspection is very severe, and at least try to find out what really happened. Very likely, people framing other people that severe, have some sort of history that may be overlooked until something sparks interest. Like this. All the people I know who framed people as adults, were already so as kids, just saying... Well, it could happen that never the truth is found out at all, but kicking out your own son, all on grounds of a grinning AH stepbrother (has he history with lying, cheating, framing?), is extremely rushed, and things of great impact, you don't rush. You take the time to find out, and if you can't, there's at least the option of not convicting anyone unless he's PROVEN to be guilty. This is not proof, this is a weak indicator.
So he gets kicked out at 16. And the school doesn't wonder where he is? No one in his life doesn't wonder where he is? At 16, his father is still responsible and would get in a heap of trouble over that alone. At someone point child services or law enforcement would he notified and be asking questions. I have other questions, and not saying it's fake but it certainly sounds like it.
I’m about the same age as OP, and “back in my day” kids were allowed to drop out of school at sixteen. A parent would have to sign a school form to formally withdraw the kid, or if he was consistently absent the school would use those unexcused absences as a foundation for expulsion. It was really more about creating a paper trail for the sake of accountability & liability than concern for the child’s well-being. But that’s the way it was in my neck of the woods.
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The measured response is perfect. Leave them hanging and questioning.
As Ratt would say, “Out on the streets, that's where we'll meet. You make the night, I always cross the line.”
They threw him away. You can always retrieve something if you throw it away.
Basically put, OP's "family" falsely burnt their bridges with him and now 30+ years later, they are trying to rebuild said bridges to absolve their own guilt??? OP is more forgiving than I am, because I'd just give them a Dean Ambrose NOPE or Roman Reigns smirkish NAHHHH instead. Seems like Mark and (sadly) Lisa got their comeuppance by having no kids (good, because their potential father is a spiteful kid who would likely taint them with his malice instead). All-in-all, there is much more venom I could spew on OP's family but I hope him and his new family live a long happy life while his former "family" can carry the guilt of framing and losing a loved one FOREVER!!!
I don't think he should respond. Edit: His response is what my non response would be.
Allowing that family back into his life would also include Mark - and I wouldn't trust that AH as far as I could throw him.
There are some things that cannot be forgiven. I'm glad he did not 'forgive' them, that is for their benefit only. What they all did was beyond any hope of being forgiven. Father, stepmother, brother, sisters, all of them. Not once did any one of them look back and say to themselves 'I never saw any of these actions by my brother'. Not once did they ask themselves if it was true. The brother must have shown some proclivity to being a little a*****e even when he was younger - yet no-one questioned it? I hope the father drowns in his own tears. He deserves it.
I mean... Emily said she did, but a young girl doesn't exactly have much control over that.
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Am I the only one who finds this whole tale not believable? Sorry, but I'm not buying it.
I hope he never meets up with any of the "old" family because I wouldn't want his new supportive family to be subjected to that kind of people.
Mark did a stupid thing at 14, but the fact he is bragging about it 30 years later.... dad never asked questions either, just sided with his stepson and told stepdaughter her beloved stepbrother was evil... well, he has no son other than his stepson, has he? He chose...poorly. I hope Lisa left him. I would, especially without kids in the mix. However OP should forgive. Not for them, but for himself. Hatred is a heavy burden to bear. And forgiving does not mean forgetting or opening doors... he is better off, a lovely wife. Four daughters he would never throw out, let alone on the word of a bag of sh*t and caring in-laws. It did cost him, but he came out on top.
You're a lot kinder than I would have been. I would have written, "Your apology is way too little far too late. Nohing you say or do now can erase the years of misery and suffering. I have no desire to rekindle a relationship with people who are capable of turfing out a 15 year-old kid on the street over unproven accusations, especially since Mark is not sorry at all. Even if I had been guilty of what I was accused of, the thing to do would have been to arrange therapy, not kicking a teen out on the street. That was EVIL. The fact that you ALL believed this without questioning was also evil. As for Mark, I have no word to describe a kid who would deliberately frame another and knowingly condemn him to a life of misery, and still gleefully brag about it decades later. He has no remorse and no conscience - that's called a psychopath. I hope Lisa is getting her money's worth. You can keeo on sobbing and being ever so sorry, this is just desserts. I don't feel sorry for you at all.
Come off the Wagon!! What makes you Ask Social Media for Help Deciding Your Life Choices at 53? You are an Adult and Should be Capable of Replying to Whoever That although is is Nice to Finally be believed YOU SURVIVED and got on with Living 38 YEars ago and FEEL No Need to Associate with any of Them NOW! You are an ADULT with BRAINS God Gave you to USE so USE THEM!! You HAve a WONDERFUL FAMILY and do NOT NEED drama in Your Life Now DO YOU?? Honestly Forget them as They Had Forgotten You for 38 YEARS!! Karma is a B***h & God will give them theirs!
Sounds familiar. It's okay though. Family is or isn't, there is no between.
I wouldn’t hold the sister responsible for anything. She’s blameless. The one who should have been crawling over broken glass to reach out and apologize is his Dad. Who appears to be too much of a coward to face the child he abandoned with the contrition he deserves. Good story
I don't understand how OP's father could throw him out like that, or even believe any of this in the first place. How could he so easily side with his nasty, sleazy stepson even before this over his own son? He should have known this was a set up, but he seems to have almost have been glad it happened just so he could be rid of his own son (probably for the sake of his nasty new wife). Mark was old enough to know what he did was evil so he gets no pass for what he did and yes, he should have confessed long ago, but he obviously has no conscience. OP's dad is devoid of basic humanity as well, or he wouldn't have turned his grandparents against him. I'm glad OP was able to finally come to terms with what was done to him and have a loving home, and I certainly cannot blame him for not wanting to see his nasty family again.
I could see if it was 20 years ago and it was Mark apologizing but he's still the same twisted stunted non adult in his 50s as he was in his teens. Lisa is stupid to stay w Mark so long because he can't have hidden his terrible personality all this time. The dad was WAY too quick to take the step sons lies and act so permanently to his own kid. All I can say is there's a lot of GenX kids with completely inept parents out there. So many should never have had kids
OP should tell Emily: "Have dad + stepmom change their wills so I inherit EVERYTHING. That's how I'll know you're all 'sorry.'"
Bravo! In the OP's reply, the relationship(lack of) was not bult on lies. it was destroyed by lies... I have some pity for the dad. He threw his son out because he truly believed the stepson. He was so ashamed to the point of doing so. Very proud man. Must be destroyed now. It is what it is.
I wouldn't have written any sort of email, other than 2 works. One starts with F and the other with O.
As a parent I can't imagine believing anyone over my child but, something similar happened with my family. Husband's wife, friend of my sister, kept lying about me. My mom chastised me for being a b***h to SIL and I tried to explain nothing she said was true. When my mom responded with why would she lie about me I challenged mom by saying that she knew me, knew I didn't lie and why wouldn't she believe me over a friend of my sister? Long story short, my husband took advantage of a job offer and we moved 1500 miles away. Over the years, my parents learned the truth of SIL's lies and worked hard to make amends and our relationship healed. My children grew up knowing their grandparents (at least on my side, husband's side was lost to us).
I think differently than others about this.. I would take the Christian approach and try to reconcile.. (Because I am a Christian) I don't know how that would be, but that's what I would try to do.. I have made mistakes in life and I haven't had a perfect life. If anyone was abusive over the course of this, any abuse wouldn't be tolerated.
But he had it very very bad. I know what you're saying, turn the other cheek. I don't know what I'd do in that situation. I have no clue. Forgiveness is more for yourself, anyways, to let it go and remove the pain. Doesn't seem like he's ready to do that, as he has a good life now, and they represent trauma for him.
Load More Replies... They threw out their minor child without hearing his side of the story? For almost 40 years they didn't check to see if he was alive? If they thought he was such a nasty, they should have had some kind of intervention rather than just throwing him out. There are no words to describe just how vile these "parents" and "grandparents" are. I'm glad he emailed her back though, otherwise they might have tracked him down and turned up unannounced, which would have been worse.
I don't get what God forsaken nation US is. Yeah, it could happen anywhere, evil parents are kicking their underage kids out of the house but it should put them in jail. THATS A FREAKING CRIME. On moral level it should cause total ostracism from community, relatives, friends, every-freaking-one. Yet somehow in US any bs excuse seems to be good enough for people around to not care, accept or cheer for it. WTH? Even if Marc's claims were true - that would be a reason for a stern talk, visit with psychologist, being more cautious around the boy. Not to kick him out! That father is trash. That "mother" is trash. Thanks to them Mark grew to be a trash. Ex gf is trash - what woman in the right mind would not divorce a grown man cheering and laughing about possibly leading a kid's death just cause he wanted to date her? Poor, very poor excuse of a human being. And that sister is trash as well. What is wrong with her? Instead of focusing on HIM, after all these years she's focused on that rubb
ish family. WTH? I would never forgive my parents kicking out underage kid out of the house. As a kid she could be unaware, but she had 30 years to think about it and that's what she came up with? God. Street raised this man better than these monsters could.
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I don’t mean to burst anyone’s bubble, but the style of writing in both emails are oddly similar. It could be that millennials and older are all very literate (unlike people nowadays) and all pen quite similar styles of letters, but certain patterns are hard to ignore; they’re like a signature. For the sake of my closure after reading this enraging story, I truly hope it’s all true.
I really hope Lisa left Mark. I also hope that his sisters told everyone what mark, his father and his wife did. Those three are extremely psychotic. Especially Mark.He needs to be lock up in a mental institution.
While this story sounds really awful if it truly happened,I am not sure why everyone is so mad about the sister? Like she literally never did anything. I feel like her letter sounds sincere enough if you lived your life believing something false about someone. And of course the dad is truly the worst here,he didn't even try speaking to his son who already lost his mom and kicks him out? Unforgivable
i want to know if Lisa dumped her asshat husband...if not I would question how sorry she was for her behaviour...
I would have handled this the same way. I'd be done with them all. He's actually been done with them for years, he just finally got the opportunity to let them know.
I would have offered to meet with them, and when I did, I would have spit on both Dad and Mark, cussed them out as the trash they are, then walked away never to forgive or forget. I've written people out for much less. Then again, that is me and I'm absolutely not a forgiving person. To hell with them both.
I think if I was OP, I would respond with, "If dad kicks out and divorces his wife and Lisa divorces Mark, I will consider a reconciliation." And if by some miracle they actually do that (they won't), then say, "I've considered it and have decided you can live in the mess you created. Go f yourselves and never contact me again."
This is tragic and disgusting. I'm glad he made the most of it and found peace, happiness, and success. Also, and I know yall know this...this GTFO to a 16 or 17 year old scenario happens all the time. To gay kids in households that practice ,"God's unconditional love"
I think OP should consider potentially reconnecting with JUST Emily, not for her sake but for the sake of his nieces and nephews and his own kids. Sure, they're not related by blood but his kids deserve to know their cousins. But I completely get not wanting to see any of them again and there's a chance Emily could push him to meet with the rest of the family if he were to reconnect with her
70 years ago I got caned by a Headmaster who did not like me. I still hate him. I know I should forget but I do not and the hate has never left me. Not good, I feel I should and as a practicing christian I know I should. I try to but the hate is too deep. There have been others but as I am older I am well able to deal with it.
If so, then she needed to let you know she let them have it good, and never speak with her sick brother ever again. Buuuuutt? Sh didn’t. She let them guilt her into finding you, writing you, and be the spokes puppet for their guilty consciences . I think, they don’t feel so guilty after all. Especially That turd monger from hell. Lisa either. She got what she deserved…. A life with Mark. I bet it has t been all great, either, going by his past actions! So, you are so right in your letter,kindness, leave me alone, don’t contact me anymore. If for so,e reason, you get tracked down, because you know people like that don’t give up… and little pissant Mark comes a knocking, DECK HIM, AFTER SHOING HIM A FEW OR MORE OF YOUR VERY COOL BOXING MOVES! Send him home with his tail between his legs. But… he is a chicken , so moving on is the the best thing. Now, live well and happily with an amazing family and that, is the best ! Because you know, they will never live guilt free, again.
What is done is done, and can never be undone, nor the words returned to their rightful and evil speaker. You wrote a beautiful response! You do not need to offer them the change to assuage their guilt, or their need for forgiveness. They, have no right to ask. If Lisa were sorry, she would divorce Mark, because if he could do that to you, no guilt or remorse, wonder what he has done to her? She was had, and that worm Mark, dated and married her under false pretenses. It’s also not your responsibility to have to deal with them anymore, nor make them feel better. I am with the other poster when he said Emily was the one who contacted you! They are still weaklings and awful people. If Emily truly felt bad, and offer her apologies to you, she could’ve done it, without saying WE , all feel awful, WE are so sorry, blah, blah, blah. She could have just written you and said, she was so sorry, and never believed her own brother could stoop so low, or your dad , toss you out of the house.
This would make a great novel, in the sense that it's very obviously made up. It's moving. Compelling. Human emotions, drama, jealousy, betrayal, struggle. OP finds love at the end of the road. All the loose ends are neatly tied into a bow. Lisa didn't just get together with stepbro, she married him. Also, OP never went to the police apparently. He just roamed the streets. Very tragic and romantic.
Someone supposedly in the middle of Gen X writes with the slang of Gen Z and includes melodramatic lines like "no kid should have to..." and we think this is anything but creative writing?
I don’t get why all the ire is focused on Mark? Mark is a douche, no doubt about it, but he was 14 at the time this happened. OP’s OWN DAD tossed him out, and sided with his new family over his flesh and blood. His Dad should have been the adult in all of this and he failed as a father and a human being. That is where the blame really lies in this story
Mark was a child, but as he aged, he never told the truth about what he did - that is what makes him evil. The father - he is next level evil. To throw your child out, to have your parents not be there for their grandchild - hell is too good for him.
Load More Replies... I think OP deserves a standing ovation for his approach to this tragedy. He made the best out of a very bad situation and he's absolutely right in leaving those who hurt him, behind. He has his priorities right. Well done!
couldn't agree more. I too wouldn't want to reconcile in his situation, but I probably would have chosen more graphic words. btw: First red flag was, when "Dad" said something about the 14-year old being the "man of the house". yeah...no, f**k that s**t.
Load More Replies... I can't believe how little some parents care about their kids. Just setting aside the fact he believed his stepson without a doubt and without even hearing his son's side, how could you think that kicking your 16 year old to the streets was ever a good solution? If any of this had been true, and the 16 year old did in fact fancy his stepsister, you work on that (punishment, therapy, anything). You don't kick him out and sever all contact. A 16 year old being attracted to a 14 year old is not a pedo btw.
Also - she's not his half sister. Biologically, they're strangers. So, while it may look weird, if some step-siblings truly love each other, not in the siblingy way, but as life partners - why should that be wrong? Why shouldn't they?
Load More Replies... After they put him in the street alone at 16, they want to see him again!? All these decades after. It's too bad he didn't teport then to the cops when they didnt even consider his side of thing. Pretty sure its illegal to just kick out a kid under 18 y/o. This people suck and don't sedge anything fun him, including forgiveness or contact at all. If he responded to email, I hope it was a detailed description of all the hell he went thru just to survive. And remind them how you went thru hell and it's 100% their fault
The response he sent and the email he received are in the post. Not sure if it was when you read it or not, but it’s there now. Sadly, he was very nice in the email, which is much more than his family deserves
Load More Replies... The problem here is throwing OP the way his dad did was deeply wrong even if OP had done what he was accused of doing. In that situation, you get your child therapy, you find him an alternate living situation but you don’t throw him out in the clothes he standing in. Thats the true evil here and the family isn’t acknowledging it.
And OP and Mark were constantly fighting. Why would they believe Mark?
Load More Replies... OP, the only thing you need to concentrate on is you and your family. The person who wrote "they are not reaching out to make you feel better, they are reaching out to make them feel better," is bang on the mark. Tell them you appreciate that they now know what a******s they were but for my money that ship sailed a long time ago. Hug your wife and kids and move on.
16 plus 30 = 46. If he's "pushing 53", so this was more like 40 years ago. Father and stepmother are "preparing for retirement". So I do not know what the retirement age is where OP lives, but at least the father is 75ish, assuming he was 35 when he kicked OP out. That sounds late in age. It might be a cultural thing, but in most western countries such a harsh reaction can only mean 1. Father is addicted to religion or 2. a general vile character. Poorest parenting, not knowing how the brains of the kids were working. Kicking out a minor on the streets is (at least in most European countries) followed by an answer by the law. And minors do get help, if they want, even if they don't want. OPs school did not notice him vanishing? Here police and other institutions would go searching for every child that is listed in the city council administration. Being a suspected sex offender would not change that.
Also, this is BP. This story could be 10 years old at the time posted so it’s hard to know exactly when this took place without reading the actual original post. I may go do that now though lol
Load More Replies... If they mean it, they need to go to the police and get Mark into jail. Anything less, they just pay lip service. Also, why isn't she writing that the father broke Mark's jaw? Because that's the least I'd do if someone set me up against my child. Nah, OP is good where he is.
Why isn't the father reaching out? Go to jail for what? For lying that he wanted to later marry his sister and looking at her creepy? He didn't even accuse him of sexual assault. The dad and stepmom should be in jail for kicking him out. As should the grandparents for not helping him.
Load More Replies... My therapist once said that true forgiveness is indifference- anything that offending person does after the fact, whether bad or good , makes you feel nothing, that's when you know you gave closed that chapter.
Would it be a problem to meet Emily? After all she had nothing to do with any of it and they got on. Also she was manipulated by her family. However I haven't been in that situation thankfully so idk how emotionally damaging that might be. Absolutely never speak to the parents or brother again. I have mixed feelings on the girlfriend. If she was manipulated into believing as well and then broke up with him I completely understand but the fact that she married mike makes me think she's also a bit of an ah. But if he was to meet any of them then meet the 2 women under the conditions that they don't tell anything to the parents or mike.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't find fault with the sister, and don't see the harm in staying in contact with her (at least giving it a try). However, just because I don't think staying in contact with her would have necessarily been the wrong thing to do, I'm not going to second guess his decision either.
Load More Replies... Mark and the father deserve a bunch of kicks in the teeth and in more places. While I completely understand OP's inability to forgive, I personally think his sister is a victim too. She was lied to profusely by Mark, who has a extremely malicious and evil nature, but also by the father, who apparently did not care how his children were feeling. Unfortunately, she found out too late and has to pay by seeing her brother never again. Phew! Life is a bįtch.
A mom or stepmom who sits on the high horse of “doing what’s right to protect her family “ (but won’t admit she really doesn’t like being a mom); a dad who serves as her spineless goon squad, and some psycho who plays the situation like a violin. A lot of people can relate.
Those monsters want to make amends now because THEY are in pain. OP experienced hurt and struggle and trauma from this for YEARS and his family feels that them experiencing a fraction of the hurt for a few days is intolerable?? Now that its effects are on them they are bending over backwards to fix their misery trying to force him to absolve them? F**k those guys. When they have each suffered the equivalent of what OP did they STILL don’t deserve forgiveness because OP was innocent and they are not. Their debt can never be paid. I hate them.
I am happy for OP that he chose to leave the past in the past. The only thing I can imagine coming out of meeting his former family, is a naturally over-powering need by them to "make amends" which, under the circumstances, places all the emotional responsibility onto OP's shoulders. Not because they aren't willing to take responsibility themselves, but because there is truly nothing they can DO, but keep desperately pleading remorse like a parishioner chanting their hail Marys in hopes of absolution. This leaves Op to rehash everything he suffered with each and every interaction, weighing the grief and remorse in their words and on their faces against how little they know of his full experience... Right down to how many times he likely walked beside death for their rash choices.
Good for OP, toxic family often use reconciliation as a trap to draw you back into toxicity. And it will be hard to only contact step sister, and not the rest. The letter wasn't meant, it was courteous and honest. Nicely handled, that must have been tough.
The letter also feels like AI generated or modified from AI
Load More Replies... The thing that shocked me the most about the whole story is how they immediately believed in the lie and didn't even make the slightest of effort to investigate if it was true or not. Suddenly being told that your son is a "perv" is not something you just accept without undeniable evidence! Even the worst of criminals out there are given a fair trial before being found guilty.
Mark wanted the girl and OP out of the picture. He got everything he wished. Nothing is said about Lisa leaving Mark at the end and that would have been satisfactory, especially since they have no children. He was 14 yes, but never went back on his words in 30 years, that makes him the bad guy, along with his mother and stepfather; these two could have at least placed OP somewhere, instead of throwing him in the streets with nothing.
Setting aside fair questions about how true this story might be... I feel like Emily would be a victim in this situation too, though obviously not to the same extreme that OP was. As a girl of about 13, she was led to believe that someone she had loved, trusted and shared a home with had harboured problematic feelings for her and stolen her intimate belongings. That would have been a violation, albeit not a physical one, and the reaction of her family clearly implied that she had been endangered, even if their intervention supposedly prevented that danger from being realised. That would have a lingering impact on a young woman, especially on her ability to trust her judgement and to trust other men in her life or people close to her. The email doesn't really address that, but at the point it was supposedly written the truth was very new to her, and she hadn't had decades and extensive therapy like OP to work through that.
Lisa, too, may well have been manipulated to regard Mark as the person who saved her from a bad relationship, with someone who was presented as "perverted" - a characteristic that might well have posed a threat to her as well. Also, with someone who supposedly had more interest in his 13yo stepsister than in her, his girlfriend, which I could easily see Mark using to undermine her self-esteem. She does seem to have tried to do the right thing when confronted with the truth. I certainly think OP would be right to hold his boundaries and safeguard the life and well-being he has built; he has no obligation to any of them. But I wouldn't be holding Emily or Lisa responsible for the actions of Mark and the parents.
Load More Replies... Sounds like fake story to me _ first, immediately calling your son 'perv' and kicking him from the house because of one accusation? Sounds overly dramatic. Also, emails from Emily and OP seems to be written by the same person. Well,if it's true, then It's only OP's choice- either he can tell them all to shove their apologies where sun doesn't shine, or he can meet them and listen what they have to say. And I wonder what they gonna do with Mark? He doesn't sound like someone who would apologize .
My adoptive parents threw me out at 17.they accused me of trying to seduce my adoptive dad and brother. I was brought up, by them no less, to not even know what sex entailed. I was so lucky not have to do sex work to survive. Unlike this man. He is very much not the norm, in that he not only survived but he thrived. We are all not that lucky
Load More Replies... WTF is wrong with that Dad? Now, not having children, I can of course easily speak words of wisdom and knowitallery, but ... but, if such a suspection comes up, you neither need risk your daughter, nor abandon your son. You seperate them, because the suspection is very severe, and at least try to find out what really happened. Very likely, people framing other people that severe, have some sort of history that may be overlooked until something sparks interest. Like this. All the people I know who framed people as adults, were already so as kids, just saying... Well, it could happen that never the truth is found out at all, but kicking out your own son, all on grounds of a grinning AH stepbrother (has he history with lying, cheating, framing?), is extremely rushed, and things of great impact, you don't rush. You take the time to find out, and if you can't, there's at least the option of not convicting anyone unless he's PROVEN to be guilty. This is not proof, this is a weak indicator.
So he gets kicked out at 16. And the school doesn't wonder where he is? No one in his life doesn't wonder where he is? At 16, his father is still responsible and would get in a heap of trouble over that alone. At someone point child services or law enforcement would he notified and be asking questions. I have other questions, and not saying it's fake but it certainly sounds like it.
I’m about the same age as OP, and “back in my day” kids were allowed to drop out of school at sixteen. A parent would have to sign a school form to formally withdraw the kid, or if he was consistently absent the school would use those unexcused absences as a foundation for expulsion. It was really more about creating a paper trail for the sake of accountability & liability than concern for the child’s well-being. But that’s the way it was in my neck of the woods.
Load More Replies... The measured response is perfect. Leave them hanging and questioning.
As Ratt would say, “Out on the streets, that's where we'll meet. You make the night, I always cross the line.”
They threw him away. You can always retrieve something if you throw it away.
Basically put, OP's "family" falsely burnt their bridges with him and now 30+ years later, they are trying to rebuild said bridges to absolve their own guilt??? OP is more forgiving than I am, because I'd just give them a Dean Ambrose NOPE or Roman Reigns smirkish NAHHHH instead. Seems like Mark and (sadly) Lisa got their comeuppance by having no kids (good, because their potential father is a spiteful kid who would likely taint them with his malice instead). All-in-all, there is much more venom I could spew on OP's family but I hope him and his new family live a long happy life while his former "family" can carry the guilt of framing and losing a loved one FOREVER!!!
I don't think he should respond. Edit: His response is what my non response would be.
Allowing that family back into his life would also include Mark - and I wouldn't trust that AH as far as I could throw him.
There are some things that cannot be forgiven. I'm glad he did not 'forgive' them, that is for their benefit only. What they all did was beyond any hope of being forgiven. Father, stepmother, brother, sisters, all of them. Not once did any one of them look back and say to themselves 'I never saw any of these actions by my brother'. Not once did they ask themselves if it was true. The brother must have shown some proclivity to being a little a*****e even when he was younger - yet no-one questioned it? I hope the father drowns in his own tears. He deserves it.
I mean... Emily said she did, but a young girl doesn't exactly have much control over that.
Load More Replies... Am I the only one who finds this whole tale not believable? Sorry, but I'm not buying it.
I hope he never meets up with any of the "old" family because I wouldn't want his new supportive family to be subjected to that kind of people.
Mark did a stupid thing at 14, but the fact he is bragging about it 30 years later.... dad never asked questions either, just sided with his stepson and told stepdaughter her beloved stepbrother was evil... well, he has no son other than his stepson, has he? He chose...poorly. I hope Lisa left him. I would, especially without kids in the mix. However OP should forgive. Not for them, but for himself. Hatred is a heavy burden to bear. And forgiving does not mean forgetting or opening doors... he is better off, a lovely wife. Four daughters he would never throw out, let alone on the word of a bag of sh*t and caring in-laws. It did cost him, but he came out on top.
You're a lot kinder than I would have been. I would have written, "Your apology is way too little far too late. Nohing you say or do now can erase the years of misery and suffering. I have no desire to rekindle a relationship with people who are capable of turfing out a 15 year-old kid on the street over unproven accusations, especially since Mark is not sorry at all. Even if I had been guilty of what I was accused of, the thing to do would have been to arrange therapy, not kicking a teen out on the street. That was EVIL. The fact that you ALL believed this without questioning was also evil. As for Mark, I have no word to describe a kid who would deliberately frame another and knowingly condemn him to a life of misery, and still gleefully brag about it decades later. He has no remorse and no conscience - that's called a psychopath. I hope Lisa is getting her money's worth. You can keeo on sobbing and being ever so sorry, this is just desserts. I don't feel sorry for you at all.
Come off the Wagon!! What makes you Ask Social Media for Help Deciding Your Life Choices at 53? You are an Adult and Should be Capable of Replying to Whoever That although is is Nice to Finally be believed YOU SURVIVED and got on with Living 38 YEars ago and FEEL No Need to Associate with any of Them NOW! You are an ADULT with BRAINS God Gave you to USE so USE THEM!! You HAve a WONDERFUL FAMILY and do NOT NEED drama in Your Life Now DO YOU?? Honestly Forget them as They Had Forgotten You for 38 YEARS!! Karma is a B***h & God will give them theirs!
Sounds familiar. It's okay though. Family is or isn't, there is no between.
I wouldn’t hold the sister responsible for anything. She’s blameless. The one who should have been crawling over broken glass to reach out and apologize is his Dad. Who appears to be too much of a coward to face the child he abandoned with the contrition he deserves. Good story
I don't understand how OP's father could throw him out like that, or even believe any of this in the first place. How could he so easily side with his nasty, sleazy stepson even before this over his own son? He should have known this was a set up, but he seems to have almost have been glad it happened just so he could be rid of his own son (probably for the sake of his nasty new wife). Mark was old enough to know what he did was evil so he gets no pass for what he did and yes, he should have confessed long ago, but he obviously has no conscience. OP's dad is devoid of basic humanity as well, or he wouldn't have turned his grandparents against him. I'm glad OP was able to finally come to terms with what was done to him and have a loving home, and I certainly cannot blame him for not wanting to see his nasty family again.
I could see if it was 20 years ago and it was Mark apologizing but he's still the same twisted stunted non adult in his 50s as he was in his teens. Lisa is stupid to stay w Mark so long because he can't have hidden his terrible personality all this time. The dad was WAY too quick to take the step sons lies and act so permanently to his own kid. All I can say is there's a lot of GenX kids with completely inept parents out there. So many should never have had kids
OP should tell Emily: "Have dad + stepmom change their wills so I inherit EVERYTHING. That's how I'll know you're all 'sorry.'"
Bravo! In the OP's reply, the relationship(lack of) was not bult on lies. it was destroyed by lies... I have some pity for the dad. He threw his son out because he truly believed the stepson. He was so ashamed to the point of doing so. Very proud man. Must be destroyed now. It is what it is.
I wouldn't have written any sort of email, other than 2 works. One starts with F and the other with O.
As a parent I can't imagine believing anyone over my child but, something similar happened with my family. Husband's wife, friend of my sister, kept lying about me. My mom chastised me for being a b***h to SIL and I tried to explain nothing she said was true. When my mom responded with why would she lie about me I challenged mom by saying that she knew me, knew I didn't lie and why wouldn't she believe me over a friend of my sister? Long story short, my husband took advantage of a job offer and we moved 1500 miles away. Over the years, my parents learned the truth of SIL's lies and worked hard to make amends and our relationship healed. My children grew up knowing their grandparents (at least on my side, husband's side was lost to us).
I think differently than others about this.. I would take the Christian approach and try to reconcile.. (Because I am a Christian) I don't know how that would be, but that's what I would try to do.. I have made mistakes in life and I haven't had a perfect life. If anyone was abusive over the course of this, any abuse wouldn't be tolerated.
But he had it very very bad. I know what you're saying, turn the other cheek. I don't know what I'd do in that situation. I have no clue. Forgiveness is more for yourself, anyways, to let it go and remove the pain. Doesn't seem like he's ready to do that, as he has a good life now, and they represent trauma for him.
Load More Replies... They threw out their minor child without hearing his side of the story? For almost 40 years they didn't check to see if he was alive? If they thought he was such a nasty, they should have had some kind of intervention rather than just throwing him out. There are no words to describe just how vile these "parents" and "grandparents" are. I'm glad he emailed her back though, otherwise they might have tracked him down and turned up unannounced, which would have been worse.
I don't get what God forsaken nation US is. Yeah, it could happen anywhere, evil parents are kicking their underage kids out of the house but it should put them in jail. THATS A FREAKING CRIME. On moral level it should cause total ostracism from community, relatives, friends, every-freaking-one. Yet somehow in US any bs excuse seems to be good enough for people around to not care, accept or cheer for it. WTH? Even if Marc's claims were true - that would be a reason for a stern talk, visit with psychologist, being more cautious around the boy. Not to kick him out! That father is trash. That "mother" is trash. Thanks to them Mark grew to be a trash. Ex gf is trash - what woman in the right mind would not divorce a grown man cheering and laughing about possibly leading a kid's death just cause he wanted to date her? Poor, very poor excuse of a human being. And that sister is trash as well. What is wrong with her? Instead of focusing on HIM, after all these years she's focused on that rubb
ish family. WTH? I would never forgive my parents kicking out underage kid out of the house. As a kid she could be unaware, but she had 30 years to think about it and that's what she came up with? God. Street raised this man better than these monsters could.
Load More Replies... I don’t mean to burst anyone’s bubble, but the style of writing in both emails are oddly similar. It could be that millennials and older are all very literate (unlike people nowadays) and all pen quite similar styles of letters, but certain patterns are hard to ignore; they’re like a signature. For the sake of my closure after reading this enraging story, I truly hope it’s all true.
I really hope Lisa left Mark. I also hope that his sisters told everyone what mark, his father and his wife did. Those three are extremely psychotic. Especially Mark.He needs to be lock up in a mental institution.
While this story sounds really awful if it truly happened,I am not sure why everyone is so mad about the sister? Like she literally never did anything. I feel like her letter sounds sincere enough if you lived your life believing something false about someone. And of course the dad is truly the worst here,he didn't even try speaking to his son who already lost his mom and kicks him out? Unforgivable
i want to know if Lisa dumped her asshat husband...if not I would question how sorry she was for her behaviour...
I would have handled this the same way. I'd be done with them all. He's actually been done with them for years, he just finally got the opportunity to let them know.
I would have offered to meet with them, and when I did, I would have spit on both Dad and Mark, cussed them out as the trash they are, then walked away never to forgive or forget. I've written people out for much less. Then again, that is me and I'm absolutely not a forgiving person. To hell with them both.
I think if I was OP, I would respond with, "If dad kicks out and divorces his wife and Lisa divorces Mark, I will consider a reconciliation." And if by some miracle they actually do that (they won't), then say, "I've considered it and have decided you can live in the mess you created. Go f yourselves and never contact me again."
This is tragic and disgusting. I'm glad he made the most of it and found peace, happiness, and success. Also, and I know yall know this...this GTFO to a 16 or 17 year old scenario happens all the time. To gay kids in households that practice ,"God's unconditional love"
I think OP should consider potentially reconnecting with JUST Emily, not for her sake but for the sake of his nieces and nephews and his own kids. Sure, they're not related by blood but his kids deserve to know their cousins. But I completely get not wanting to see any of them again and there's a chance Emily could push him to meet with the rest of the family if he were to reconnect with her
70 years ago I got caned by a Headmaster who did not like me. I still hate him. I know I should forget but I do not and the hate has never left me. Not good, I feel I should and as a practicing christian I know I should. I try to but the hate is too deep. There have been others but as I am older I am well able to deal with it.
If so, then she needed to let you know she let them have it good, and never speak with her sick brother ever again. Buuuuutt? Sh didn’t. She let them guilt her into finding you, writing you, and be the spokes puppet for their guilty consciences . I think, they don’t feel so guilty after all. Especially That turd monger from hell. Lisa either. She got what she deserved…. A life with Mark. I bet it has t been all great, either, going by his past actions! So, you are so right in your letter,kindness, leave me alone, don’t contact me anymore. If for so,e reason, you get tracked down, because you know people like that don’t give up… and little pissant Mark comes a knocking, DECK HIM, AFTER SHOING HIM A FEW OR MORE OF YOUR VERY COOL BOXING MOVES! Send him home with his tail between his legs. But… he is a chicken , so moving on is the the best thing. Now, live well and happily with an amazing family and that, is the best ! Because you know, they will never live guilt free, again.
What is done is done, and can never be undone, nor the words returned to their rightful and evil speaker. You wrote a beautiful response! You do not need to offer them the change to assuage their guilt, or their need for forgiveness. They, have no right to ask. If Lisa were sorry, she would divorce Mark, because if he could do that to you, no guilt or remorse, wonder what he has done to her? She was had, and that worm Mark, dated and married her under false pretenses. It’s also not your responsibility to have to deal with them anymore, nor make them feel better. I am with the other poster when he said Emily was the one who contacted you! They are still weaklings and awful people. If Emily truly felt bad, and offer her apologies to you, she could’ve done it, without saying WE , all feel awful, WE are so sorry, blah, blah, blah. She could have just written you and said, she was so sorry, and never believed her own brother could stoop so low, or your dad , toss you out of the house.
This would make a great novel, in the sense that it's very obviously made up. It's moving. Compelling. Human emotions, drama, jealousy, betrayal, struggle. OP finds love at the end of the road. All the loose ends are neatly tied into a bow. Lisa didn't just get together with stepbro, she married him. Also, OP never went to the police apparently. He just roamed the streets. Very tragic and romantic.
Someone supposedly in the middle of Gen X writes with the slang of Gen Z and includes melodramatic lines like "no kid should have to..." and we think this is anything but creative writing?
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