Man Divorces His Wife Of 12 Years Because She’s Always Late, Claims Close Ones Are “Shocked And Confused”
Although most humans are somewhat alike each other and share basic similarities like ten fingers and toes, one nose, one mouth, and two ears, it’s no great secret that we’re all unique individuals experiencing this challenging endeavor known as “life” for the very first time.
We make mistakes and have our own beliefs on what’s right and wrong; some people are more self-aware of their potentially hurtful actions, while others aren’t – the list could go on and on.
We can’t live by a book that’ll teach us how to do this all correctly because, well, it doesn’t exist – however, one thing we know for sure is that we long for connections, and most of the time, people have to reach a compromise in order for all of it to work out.
Marriage requires tremendously hard work, and while you cannot change your partner, there’s a big difference between a lack of communication and being taken as a fool, even when it’s only a question of being punctual.
More info: Reddit
You know what they say: “Unpunctuality is a vile habit”
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual image)
“I’m divorcing my wife because she has been late for 90% of everything we have ever done together. Everyone we know is shocked and confused, but I don’t care” – this web user took to Reddit’s r/TrueOffMyChest community to vent about his chronically late now soon-to-be ex-wife. The post managed to garner over 29K upvotes as well as 4.1K comments containing mostly supportive words.
Guy is fed up with his wife’s unpunctuality, finally reaches his boiling point and files for divorce
Image source: r/Side_Salty
The man began his post by clearing some things up – he said that he’s not having an affair or a midlife crisis, he’s also not looking for a younger woman, nor is he hiding anything. The thing is, his wife, with whom he’s been together for 12 years, has never made even the slightest amount of effort to be on time for anything they did.
The man and his wife had been together for 12 years, but never once had she attempted to be on time for anything they did
Image source: r/Side_Salty
He made peace with it because he loved her – however, she somehow got worse after their child was born
Image credits: Ono Kosuki (not the actual image)
Allegedly, when they were still dating, the waiting time would average somewhere between 15 minutes to an hour for the woman to finally show up. And he waited because he loved her. Then, after tying the knot, it got worse. And after their child’s birth, it ended up being a total nightmare, as she would constantly blame her lateness on their son. But again, he put up with it because he loved her.
The author of the post also offered some examples. For instance, the couple is currently looking at preschools for their offspring, and so far, they’ve been 15 to 30 minutes late for each meeting – and the reason is always her.
Their son’s preschool meetings, movies, dinner plans, hanging out with friends, simply getting ready to go on a stroll – you name it
Image source: r/Side_Salty
There was also this time when the man really wanted to see a movie in theaters. The soon-to-be ex-wife wanted to join too; however, he ended up having to leave her in a clothing shop because he was going to miss the start of it. Needless to say, she was furious. Oh, and last but certainly not least, a few months ago they went to see a band that she likes and, surprise, surprise, they were an hour early because it was something that she wanted to do.
The poor spouse admitted that he’s simply tired. He said that dinner reservations are always a mess because many places are known to have very strict lateness policies. Plus, asking her to hurry up, even in the nicest way possible, always stirs up a conflict, as the woman tends to “flip her lid” the moment he opens his mouth.
Meeting up with friends, going to children’s events with their little one, and even trying to go for a stroll is a constant struggle of trying to get her to put the phone down and get ready. According to the post’s creator, he finally snapped last week after waiting outside for 20 minutes with their impatient youngster, only to learn that she had suddenly chosen to vacuum the house.
But the man finally snapped after having to wait outside for 20 minutes with their impatient youngster, only to learn that she had suddenly chosen to vacuum the house
Image source: r/Side_Salty
Image credits: Laura Chouette (not the actual image)
His phone hasn’t stopped ringing since he announced their impending divorce to his formerly beloved spouse. It appears that the woman has already revealed the news to their friends and family, who have collectively decided that it’s their duty to talk him out of it.
Do any people in your life suffer from being late all the time?
Fellow community members shared their thoughts and opinions on this post
It would drive me insane too, but I wonder if she has undiagnosed ADD. My sister in law does and chronic lateness as well as the inability to properly prioritize tasks ( see random vacuuming) are symptoms. And girls are much less likely to be properly diagnosed because they don't manifest hyper symptoms like boys. My mom now goes over every morning to babysit my nephews before school ans shoo my SIL out to be on time for work cause she was almost fired for being late ( she's a teacher and you can't leave kids unattended).
If she was late for the things she wanted to do too, I'd be inclined to be that generous. As it sounds, if she's not that invested (even when it's something for her son) her time keeping becomes optional. That's not ADD, that's a lack of respect for other people and their time.
We are also getting only the perspective of a very frustrated husband. Its possible she was early that one time because of anxiety. People with ADD can also fixate on one thing ( such as an appointment) to the detriment of everything else. I would rule out medical issues before assuming its just a lack of respect.
Even if it is a medical issue, at this point she can see that it's causing major problems everywhere in her life, she's an adult and needs to find a way to deal with it. Fixing her can't be on everyone else. Plus she'd rather accept divorce than get help? Tells you a lot.
If its an undiagnosed issue she may not even know she needs help
The husband didn’t mention it, but I assume there have been many discussions about why the wife is always late. If she “flips her lid” when he brings up their lateness, that’s not ADD. She’s refusing to accept that there might be anything wrong with her. Even if she does have a medical problem, she needs to accept that she needs help. Not just get angry. IMO he has every right to divorce her, as this is now affecting their child. Not every human problem is the world is the result of “undiagnosed” mental issues. And this is coming from someone with mental issues.
It could easily be both. My sister has ADD and she sounds a lot like Op's wife. Glued to her phone, always late, and if you try to convince her to get ready, she gets frustrated at everything, and it makes her crabby. I understand her frustration, but I also understand why the guy wants to throw in the towel after years of dealing with it. The woman needs help and she's not taking any of the proper steps to get it. Of course it's also possible to have ADD and just be a jerk.
You're only hearing one side, so you take that side?
My ex-wife refused to seek help for her bi-polar. She was undiagnosed because she refused to seek help. She ENJOYED being unreasonable, relished in tantrums and trauma for everyone else. Loved being "different" while the rest of us suffered because we loved her. Being ill does not make you a good/nice/respectful person.
I don't think Ginny was saying it did at all.
I believe you’ve touched on an essential truth: people who do this kind of stuff aren’t unaware of what a PITA they’re being - they’re getting something, I don’t know what - out of their bad behavior.
I knew someone like that with BPD. Don’t know them anymore
I was diagnosed BPD, now called EUPD (emotionally unstable personality disorder) and I can't be late for anything! My anxiety goes through the roof if other factors (traffic etc) are messing me up. I'm usually incrediblly early for everything. I'm also amazed at others peoples poor time keeping. Disrespectful! 🤔
Divorce is probably the best thing to motivate her to go get help. Plus, the husband is out - you can hear it in his writer's voice .
I would as well.
Not trying to be that stick in the mud. One thing about ADHD/ADD that should be mentioned is that sometimes that is one of the symptoms. Only being mostly on time for one's own interests is fairly common. It comes across as selfish but that's on the surface. It really isn't anything to do with respecting the other person or not. It's not on purpose and definitely does cause issues in relationships that can be detrimental. I am not talking about the wife. She might or might not have it. In her case, it looks strongly like it could be undiagnosed something as well as just not giving a s**t to even make it workable for her son. Frankly, I don't blame him (husband/dad) for wanting a divorce. There are things one can to to manage these issues but he also pointed out that she doesn't see it as a problem so that's why their marriage ended.
That is an incorrect stereotype. The starting vacuuming makes me lean adhd. But she is clearly not recognizing that she has problem. And i am assuming he has talked to her about how it makes him feel and if that didn't make her try to change then adhd or not, perpetually late or not, is not really the reason for the marriage breakdown.
There's good days and bad with adhd, the effort is exhausting and maybe she did try extra hard for the concert, but that level of effort isn't sustainable daily for every meeting and meal, you'd burn out in a week. Unless you personally struggle with it it's unfair to say it's not a disorder and she's just not willing to be on time for her family.
I'm autistic and have severe ADHD. I set multiple alarms on my phone for everything. Medicine reminders, my bi-weekly doctor appointments, when I should leave for work (set 10 minutes before I have to go to double make sure I won't be late) and I am rarely late. She has endless tools to help her. The part that makes me think she's just a jerk is that she gets angry when reminded it's time to go. When someone reminds me we have to go I hop up and go and thank them for the reminder!
Similar here. I always yell out to Alexa "Remind me at 5:15 to put my shoes on!" "Remind me at 530 to grab my phone and leave"
Exactly! Medical reasons are real and valid. But once you are aware, if you still do nothing to try and remedy the issue when you know it negatively affects others you're still an AH. Medical issues are a reason, but not to be a used as excuses.
There's no evidence she's aware though, her husband never mentions adhd as a possibility, he just complained about his frustration with her. If she had it and they know, wouldn't that be some key information in his post?
It's very possible she's unaware she even has adhd, it's not something people know a lot about unless directly affected. I was diagnosed at 15 but I know many adults in their 30's and 40's just now being diagnosed. The angry response could be frustration or even anxiety. She needs an assessment. Her husband never mentions adhd so I doubt either of them has considered it. I also set alarms and leave notes and I'm a single mom of 3, the oldest also has adhd. It's completely overwhelming sometimes and I'm sure I appear selfish and thoughtless to others sometimes to because I'm trying to run damage control in my own life most if the time and there's no mental/emotional energy left to focus on others who are not my children. Do you have children like her? Or people who use your energy so you feel depleted? If you only need to take care of yourself it's definitely easier to manage the disorder.
I have diagnosed ADD, and I make a point to leave early so I'm always on time. It's ok to have issues, it's not ok to let those issues negatively affect the lives of the people around you.
She may have undiagnosed ADHD.
She can be early for things she wants to do so it’s not a condition, it’s a lack of respect for others. I admire this guy for putting up with it for 12 years and even more so for now realising that even visits to schools for their child aren’t important enough to her to be on time. Their son is going to experience a lot of disappointment because of her selfishness. He will be late for birthday parties, school events, family parties. Thankfully he has his dad.
You're incorrect. That's actually an indication of having ADHD. Preferred activities take precedence over NON-preferred activities. It's why a teen with ADHD can read and concentrate on a novel they're interested in from cover to cover and even have it memorized, but cannot get thru their 1 measly hour of daily homework.
I was waiting for that comment. It may be the case, but it seems to be a trend, that everyone who behaves unsocial and annoying is suspected to be "on the spectrum" or "undiagnosed". Some people are just asshats in certain things.
I have ADD, and I have ASD; I grew up with a chronically late mother and I have always been absolutely fastidious about being on time, if not early, for everything. Add in the fact that my two younger brothers were (and still are) always her first priority, she often used to forget to pick me up from school but didn't forget them ever...
So that just means that your ADHD affects you differently than somebody else's does.
i would agree that there might be an undiagnosed problem in her brain, but that is a *reason* for her behavior, which should never be confused with an *excuse*. Nothing excuses YEARS of making others wait on a person, especially if the others are important (seemingly not) to the late one.
While I feel that this could be possible, I don't think so. I have ADD and am unmedicated (by choice) and I'm ALWAYS on time. My mom taught me the importance of this as a kid and it stuck with me. I also just value other people's time and I absolutely hate the idea of someone waiting for me.
Good for you but you're not everybody. Adhd presents differently and at different levels of severity so it's not really fair to say because you can manage it nobody else should struggle with it and it's just excuses from them. It's like saying to someone who lost a child to leukemia, "well my child recovered from the same thing so yours should have too, did you not listen to the doctor? Could your child have tried harder to be healthy?" It's the same and it's very different for each of us.
Yes, Scary thing, it's instilled in childhood 😊 respect others.
I too have ADHD and I am LATE FOR EVERYTHING. (Not to the extent as the lady in the story above). I was also raised that being on time was important. Which really only meant that I spent much of my childhood grounded or in trouble for lateness. See nobody knew I had ADHD because I was a girl and didn't have the hyperactivity part of the disorder. I was not officially diagnosed until well into adulthood. Anyway I am ALWAYS "RUNNING LATE." I don't want to run late, but I'm chronically "in a hurry" and nothing seems to help. I've never created a disaster for my family, but it's stressful and everything is barely on time, without a minute to spare. Showing up at work exactly when I'm supposed to clock in or even minute late and with wet hair. It's like I have a time passage awareness disorder and even getting up a half hour early doesn't solve it.
I was coming to the comments to see if someone else thought undiagnosed ADD, I'm recently diagnosed and not with medication can actually be on time. Time blindness is a real thing, we can spend all day in siting for an event and then in the last 30 minutes decide we have enough time to reorganize our closet!!
You do understand it presents differently in each person and has varying levels of severity Right? Silly to say because you find something easier than someone else that they just aren't putting in the effort. You still have a lot to learn about adhd...and compassion apparently.
I have ADD and this sounds like me pre-diagnosis. I have no internal clock and very poor skills to estimate how long anything takes. People would shame me so much because I was so “selfish” and “disrespectful”. The added shame kept me from getting help sooner. Because I believed everyone must have been right about me. I was just a POS who couldnt even do something as easy as being on time. Thanks to the co-worker with ADHD for recognizing the symptoms and suggesting I get tested. Getting diagnosed was the best thing to happen to me. And to all the people I frustrated too.
Yes, exactly this. My untreated misunderstood adhd led to a lot of anxiety, depression and unfortunately addiction for many years because I just thought I was a horrible lazy stupid person and why couldn't I just stop being "difficult" it's like I'm not even the same person anymore since getting proper help and for me medication.
I tend to agree. The vacuuming and the being in the clothing shop while the film is starting are alerts for adhd. She may feel really defensive about this
Yeah or something else. But she doesn't sound nice if she gets mad of him for saying going to me late. Idk, whole post is sus and so is she. Maybe they would benefit for individual counselling.
Yes! As soon as I read "she started vacuuming..." I thought SHE has inattentive-ADHD. It's clear OP has nothing left to give and is justified in leaving. For the sake of his son's future though, he could encourage his soon-to-be-ex to go get assessed for ADHD and start therapy. It's too bad that her own family didn't recognize that she had the number 1 sign of this learning disorder, but then again ADHD tends to run in families. For anyone asking, my brother and father are both afflicted with this. I also have a former sister-in-law who has the inattentive kind.
ADHD is not a learning disorder but can cause problems with learning.
It's actually really misleading the way its named. There is no deficit of attention at all. It's paying attention to basically EVERYTHING at the same time and not being able to fully focus on the one thing you need to. Just dozens of incomplete thought paths and no conclusion. Your mind gets dragged away by every little addition to your internal and external environment. Sucks
I think what's critical in Ginny Weasley's post is that she's wondering if the subject of the post has *undiagnosed* ADD. I.e. the subject has not yet had the opportunity to learn coping mechanisms.
ginny weasley, your mom sounds so kind and supportive. That's really beautiful. Wishing the best for your SIL that she gets better at prioritizing and being on time.
My sister is like this. Her daughter has taken to telling her the start time of everything as at least 30 minutes earlier than the actual start time. Even at my niece's wedding, she was told thirty minutes earlier than the actual time and she was still a few minutes late. Some people are so disorganized that they're going to be late to a lot of things. Fine, still frustrating, but fine. When it comes to important things, though, you chronic late people NEED to make a true and sincere effort, no excuses. Every job I have worked has fired people who are frequently late, even if it's only a few minutes. The world does not revolve around you. Not everyone is going to put everything on hold while they wait for your chronically late a*s that can't bother to be respectful of anyone else's time but your own. If you're a few minutes late to lunch with a friend, fine, whatever. If you are late to your children's important events (school graduation, for one) then screw you and your excuses.
You're right. Guessing DAN is oblivious to irritating others. Chronically late people who make no effort (especially if they regularly do make the effort for their job or the things they like to do) are repeatedly giving others lots of time to resent and think negatively toward them during all the times they leave them waiting. It eventually kills friendships and relationships.
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You are so mean! You think you're so smart and know everything, but you're just being a bully. It's not fair to judge people just because they're sometimes late. That doesn't mean they're disorganized or rude or whatever. People have different schedules and stuff, and it's not a big deal if they're a few minutes late. It's not the end of the world. And it's not like being late to a wedding or something is the worst thing ever. Like, stop being such a meanie. Not everyone is perfect, and you can't expect them to be. So stop being such a big meanie and try to be a little more understanding. Hmph!
@DAN - what on earth did I just read there? Is this satire or are you 10?
It really sounds like Dan is being sarcastic...especially the Hmph! At the end...right?
Had a friend who was chronically late for lunches. I put up with it because we had been friends since high school and his work involved a LOT of meetings and conference calls at all hours. One day I was about ten minutes late due to a last-second call and before I even sat down he said “if you’re just going to waste my time then why do you bother to ask?” So I stopped asking. Haven’t seen him for about eight years now.
So he can dish it out, but he can't take it... not even once? What a self-centered tool🤦🤦♀️🤦♂️
I knew someone like that. Absolutely infuriating
My mom used to be chronically late for almost everything. She would ask her younger brother (who is a stickler for punctuality) to take her to the airport. He would be at our home BEFORE the appointed time and she would be now heading to the bathroom. I don't know any woman who can shower etc in ten minutes or less. I could see the frustration on his face; he was a businessman and time is money! Finally I HAD enough of the disrespect to my uncle and when she had a trip planned I told her either call a cab in future or be sitting in the living room, fully dressed when he arrived. She was p....d off with me because I told her that she had no respect for his time, if I was in his shoes I would drive in such a manner that I would get every red light and by the time she got to the ticketing counter, the flight would be closed and she would either try to get the next flight or get a cab at the airport and skulk home. She was always ready after that when he arrived.
It would drive me insane too, but I wonder if she has undiagnosed ADD. My sister in law does and chronic lateness as well as the inability to properly prioritize tasks ( see random vacuuming) are symptoms. And girls are much less likely to be properly diagnosed because they don't manifest hyper symptoms like boys. My mom now goes over every morning to babysit my nephews before school ans shoo my SIL out to be on time for work cause she was almost fired for being late ( she's a teacher and you can't leave kids unattended).
If she was late for the things she wanted to do too, I'd be inclined to be that generous. As it sounds, if she's not that invested (even when it's something for her son) her time keeping becomes optional. That's not ADD, that's a lack of respect for other people and their time.
We are also getting only the perspective of a very frustrated husband. Its possible she was early that one time because of anxiety. People with ADD can also fixate on one thing ( such as an appointment) to the detriment of everything else. I would rule out medical issues before assuming its just a lack of respect.
Even if it is a medical issue, at this point she can see that it's causing major problems everywhere in her life, she's an adult and needs to find a way to deal with it. Fixing her can't be on everyone else. Plus she'd rather accept divorce than get help? Tells you a lot.
If its an undiagnosed issue she may not even know she needs help
The husband didn’t mention it, but I assume there have been many discussions about why the wife is always late. If she “flips her lid” when he brings up their lateness, that’s not ADD. She’s refusing to accept that there might be anything wrong with her. Even if she does have a medical problem, she needs to accept that she needs help. Not just get angry. IMO he has every right to divorce her, as this is now affecting their child. Not every human problem is the world is the result of “undiagnosed” mental issues. And this is coming from someone with mental issues.
It could easily be both. My sister has ADD and she sounds a lot like Op's wife. Glued to her phone, always late, and if you try to convince her to get ready, she gets frustrated at everything, and it makes her crabby. I understand her frustration, but I also understand why the guy wants to throw in the towel after years of dealing with it. The woman needs help and she's not taking any of the proper steps to get it. Of course it's also possible to have ADD and just be a jerk.
You're only hearing one side, so you take that side?
My ex-wife refused to seek help for her bi-polar. She was undiagnosed because she refused to seek help. She ENJOYED being unreasonable, relished in tantrums and trauma for everyone else. Loved being "different" while the rest of us suffered because we loved her. Being ill does not make you a good/nice/respectful person.
I don't think Ginny was saying it did at all.
I believe you’ve touched on an essential truth: people who do this kind of stuff aren’t unaware of what a PITA they’re being - they’re getting something, I don’t know what - out of their bad behavior.
I knew someone like that with BPD. Don’t know them anymore
I was diagnosed BPD, now called EUPD (emotionally unstable personality disorder) and I can't be late for anything! My anxiety goes through the roof if other factors (traffic etc) are messing me up. I'm usually incrediblly early for everything. I'm also amazed at others peoples poor time keeping. Disrespectful! 🤔
Divorce is probably the best thing to motivate her to go get help. Plus, the husband is out - you can hear it in his writer's voice .
I would as well.
Not trying to be that stick in the mud. One thing about ADHD/ADD that should be mentioned is that sometimes that is one of the symptoms. Only being mostly on time for one's own interests is fairly common. It comes across as selfish but that's on the surface. It really isn't anything to do with respecting the other person or not. It's not on purpose and definitely does cause issues in relationships that can be detrimental. I am not talking about the wife. She might or might not have it. In her case, it looks strongly like it could be undiagnosed something as well as just not giving a s**t to even make it workable for her son. Frankly, I don't blame him (husband/dad) for wanting a divorce. There are things one can to to manage these issues but he also pointed out that she doesn't see it as a problem so that's why their marriage ended.
That is an incorrect stereotype. The starting vacuuming makes me lean adhd. But she is clearly not recognizing that she has problem. And i am assuming he has talked to her about how it makes him feel and if that didn't make her try to change then adhd or not, perpetually late or not, is not really the reason for the marriage breakdown.
There's good days and bad with adhd, the effort is exhausting and maybe she did try extra hard for the concert, but that level of effort isn't sustainable daily for every meeting and meal, you'd burn out in a week. Unless you personally struggle with it it's unfair to say it's not a disorder and she's just not willing to be on time for her family.
I'm autistic and have severe ADHD. I set multiple alarms on my phone for everything. Medicine reminders, my bi-weekly doctor appointments, when I should leave for work (set 10 minutes before I have to go to double make sure I won't be late) and I am rarely late. She has endless tools to help her. The part that makes me think she's just a jerk is that she gets angry when reminded it's time to go. When someone reminds me we have to go I hop up and go and thank them for the reminder!
Similar here. I always yell out to Alexa "Remind me at 5:15 to put my shoes on!" "Remind me at 530 to grab my phone and leave"
Exactly! Medical reasons are real and valid. But once you are aware, if you still do nothing to try and remedy the issue when you know it negatively affects others you're still an AH. Medical issues are a reason, but not to be a used as excuses.
There's no evidence she's aware though, her husband never mentions adhd as a possibility, he just complained about his frustration with her. If she had it and they know, wouldn't that be some key information in his post?
It's very possible she's unaware she even has adhd, it's not something people know a lot about unless directly affected. I was diagnosed at 15 but I know many adults in their 30's and 40's just now being diagnosed. The angry response could be frustration or even anxiety. She needs an assessment. Her husband never mentions adhd so I doubt either of them has considered it. I also set alarms and leave notes and I'm a single mom of 3, the oldest also has adhd. It's completely overwhelming sometimes and I'm sure I appear selfish and thoughtless to others sometimes to because I'm trying to run damage control in my own life most if the time and there's no mental/emotional energy left to focus on others who are not my children. Do you have children like her? Or people who use your energy so you feel depleted? If you only need to take care of yourself it's definitely easier to manage the disorder.
I have diagnosed ADD, and I make a point to leave early so I'm always on time. It's ok to have issues, it's not ok to let those issues negatively affect the lives of the people around you.
She may have undiagnosed ADHD.
She can be early for things she wants to do so it’s not a condition, it’s a lack of respect for others. I admire this guy for putting up with it for 12 years and even more so for now realising that even visits to schools for their child aren’t important enough to her to be on time. Their son is going to experience a lot of disappointment because of her selfishness. He will be late for birthday parties, school events, family parties. Thankfully he has his dad.
You're incorrect. That's actually an indication of having ADHD. Preferred activities take precedence over NON-preferred activities. It's why a teen with ADHD can read and concentrate on a novel they're interested in from cover to cover and even have it memorized, but cannot get thru their 1 measly hour of daily homework.
I was waiting for that comment. It may be the case, but it seems to be a trend, that everyone who behaves unsocial and annoying is suspected to be "on the spectrum" or "undiagnosed". Some people are just asshats in certain things.
I have ADD, and I have ASD; I grew up with a chronically late mother and I have always been absolutely fastidious about being on time, if not early, for everything. Add in the fact that my two younger brothers were (and still are) always her first priority, she often used to forget to pick me up from school but didn't forget them ever...
So that just means that your ADHD affects you differently than somebody else's does.
i would agree that there might be an undiagnosed problem in her brain, but that is a *reason* for her behavior, which should never be confused with an *excuse*. Nothing excuses YEARS of making others wait on a person, especially if the others are important (seemingly not) to the late one.
While I feel that this could be possible, I don't think so. I have ADD and am unmedicated (by choice) and I'm ALWAYS on time. My mom taught me the importance of this as a kid and it stuck with me. I also just value other people's time and I absolutely hate the idea of someone waiting for me.
Good for you but you're not everybody. Adhd presents differently and at different levels of severity so it's not really fair to say because you can manage it nobody else should struggle with it and it's just excuses from them. It's like saying to someone who lost a child to leukemia, "well my child recovered from the same thing so yours should have too, did you not listen to the doctor? Could your child have tried harder to be healthy?" It's the same and it's very different for each of us.
Yes, Scary thing, it's instilled in childhood 😊 respect others.
I too have ADHD and I am LATE FOR EVERYTHING. (Not to the extent as the lady in the story above). I was also raised that being on time was important. Which really only meant that I spent much of my childhood grounded or in trouble for lateness. See nobody knew I had ADHD because I was a girl and didn't have the hyperactivity part of the disorder. I was not officially diagnosed until well into adulthood. Anyway I am ALWAYS "RUNNING LATE." I don't want to run late, but I'm chronically "in a hurry" and nothing seems to help. I've never created a disaster for my family, but it's stressful and everything is barely on time, without a minute to spare. Showing up at work exactly when I'm supposed to clock in or even minute late and with wet hair. It's like I have a time passage awareness disorder and even getting up a half hour early doesn't solve it.
I was coming to the comments to see if someone else thought undiagnosed ADD, I'm recently diagnosed and not with medication can actually be on time. Time blindness is a real thing, we can spend all day in siting for an event and then in the last 30 minutes decide we have enough time to reorganize our closet!!
You do understand it presents differently in each person and has varying levels of severity Right? Silly to say because you find something easier than someone else that they just aren't putting in the effort. You still have a lot to learn about adhd...and compassion apparently.
I have ADD and this sounds like me pre-diagnosis. I have no internal clock and very poor skills to estimate how long anything takes. People would shame me so much because I was so “selfish” and “disrespectful”. The added shame kept me from getting help sooner. Because I believed everyone must have been right about me. I was just a POS who couldnt even do something as easy as being on time. Thanks to the co-worker with ADHD for recognizing the symptoms and suggesting I get tested. Getting diagnosed was the best thing to happen to me. And to all the people I frustrated too.
Yes, exactly this. My untreated misunderstood adhd led to a lot of anxiety, depression and unfortunately addiction for many years because I just thought I was a horrible lazy stupid person and why couldn't I just stop being "difficult" it's like I'm not even the same person anymore since getting proper help and for me medication.
I tend to agree. The vacuuming and the being in the clothing shop while the film is starting are alerts for adhd. She may feel really defensive about this
Yeah or something else. But she doesn't sound nice if she gets mad of him for saying going to me late. Idk, whole post is sus and so is she. Maybe they would benefit for individual counselling.
Yes! As soon as I read "she started vacuuming..." I thought SHE has inattentive-ADHD. It's clear OP has nothing left to give and is justified in leaving. For the sake of his son's future though, he could encourage his soon-to-be-ex to go get assessed for ADHD and start therapy. It's too bad that her own family didn't recognize that she had the number 1 sign of this learning disorder, but then again ADHD tends to run in families. For anyone asking, my brother and father are both afflicted with this. I also have a former sister-in-law who has the inattentive kind.
ADHD is not a learning disorder but can cause problems with learning.
It's actually really misleading the way its named. There is no deficit of attention at all. It's paying attention to basically EVERYTHING at the same time and not being able to fully focus on the one thing you need to. Just dozens of incomplete thought paths and no conclusion. Your mind gets dragged away by every little addition to your internal and external environment. Sucks
I think what's critical in Ginny Weasley's post is that she's wondering if the subject of the post has *undiagnosed* ADD. I.e. the subject has not yet had the opportunity to learn coping mechanisms.
ginny weasley, your mom sounds so kind and supportive. That's really beautiful. Wishing the best for your SIL that she gets better at prioritizing and being on time.
My sister is like this. Her daughter has taken to telling her the start time of everything as at least 30 minutes earlier than the actual start time. Even at my niece's wedding, she was told thirty minutes earlier than the actual time and she was still a few minutes late. Some people are so disorganized that they're going to be late to a lot of things. Fine, still frustrating, but fine. When it comes to important things, though, you chronic late people NEED to make a true and sincere effort, no excuses. Every job I have worked has fired people who are frequently late, even if it's only a few minutes. The world does not revolve around you. Not everyone is going to put everything on hold while they wait for your chronically late a*s that can't bother to be respectful of anyone else's time but your own. If you're a few minutes late to lunch with a friend, fine, whatever. If you are late to your children's important events (school graduation, for one) then screw you and your excuses.
You're right. Guessing DAN is oblivious to irritating others. Chronically late people who make no effort (especially if they regularly do make the effort for their job or the things they like to do) are repeatedly giving others lots of time to resent and think negatively toward them during all the times they leave them waiting. It eventually kills friendships and relationships.
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You are so mean! You think you're so smart and know everything, but you're just being a bully. It's not fair to judge people just because they're sometimes late. That doesn't mean they're disorganized or rude or whatever. People have different schedules and stuff, and it's not a big deal if they're a few minutes late. It's not the end of the world. And it's not like being late to a wedding or something is the worst thing ever. Like, stop being such a meanie. Not everyone is perfect, and you can't expect them to be. So stop being such a big meanie and try to be a little more understanding. Hmph!
@DAN - what on earth did I just read there? Is this satire or are you 10?
It really sounds like Dan is being sarcastic...especially the Hmph! At the end...right?
Had a friend who was chronically late for lunches. I put up with it because we had been friends since high school and his work involved a LOT of meetings and conference calls at all hours. One day I was about ten minutes late due to a last-second call and before I even sat down he said “if you’re just going to waste my time then why do you bother to ask?” So I stopped asking. Haven’t seen him for about eight years now.
So he can dish it out, but he can't take it... not even once? What a self-centered tool🤦🤦♀️🤦♂️
I knew someone like that. Absolutely infuriating
My mom used to be chronically late for almost everything. She would ask her younger brother (who is a stickler for punctuality) to take her to the airport. He would be at our home BEFORE the appointed time and she would be now heading to the bathroom. I don't know any woman who can shower etc in ten minutes or less. I could see the frustration on his face; he was a businessman and time is money! Finally I HAD enough of the disrespect to my uncle and when she had a trip planned I told her either call a cab in future or be sitting in the living room, fully dressed when he arrived. She was p....d off with me because I told her that she had no respect for his time, if I was in his shoes I would drive in such a manner that I would get every red light and by the time she got to the ticketing counter, the flight would be closed and she would either try to get the next flight or get a cab at the airport and skulk home. She was always ready after that when he arrived.