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“The 50/50 Thing Is A Myth”: Divorce Lawyer Reveals The Main Reason Why Marriages Are Failing, And People Are Not Surprised
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“The 50/50 Thing Is A Myth”: Divorce Lawyer Reveals The Main Reason Why Marriages Are Failing, And People Are Not Surprised

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Marriage is intended to be till death do you part, but sometimes, spouses change their minds and realize that the best option is to cut ties. There are plenty of valid reasons for getting a divorce, but according to one New York-based divorce lawyer, one reason in particular has been coming up again and again among working mothers.

Below, you’ll find a video that attorney Dennis R. Vetrano Jr. shared on TikTok breaking down the most common theme he’s noticed in divorces recently.

Unfortunately, marriage can’t always be “till death do you part”

Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)

And according to divorce attorney Dennis R. Vetrano Jr., many working mothers have had enough of their marriages

“Do you want to know the major theme that I’m seeing in the divorce industry, as a divorce lawyer, as I do consults these days?”

Image credits: drvlaw

“I am seeing working moms doing it all. And I’m seeing the husbands step back and say, “Huh, I don’t gotta do a thing! She’s got the kids, she’s got the groceries, she’s got the laundry, she’s got the meals, she’s got the work and by the way, she’s making all the money and she’s paying for the house and doing everything else.”

Image credits: drvlaw

“I’m gonna go to the firehouse, I’m gonna go play this, I’m gonna go hang out with my friends.” That’s the theme. And women are tired.”

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You can hear Dennis’ full explanation right here

@drvlaw The major theme I’ve been seeing? Women are TIRED #divorce #divorced #divorceparty #divorcedlife #divorcedmom #divorcesucks #divorcecoach #divorcedparents #divorceattorney #divorcesupport #divorceparties #divorcehelp #divorcerecovery #DivorceForce #divorcecourt #divorcecommunity #divorcedonedifferently #divorceddad #divorcechaos #divorceproceedings #divorcedmoms #divorcee #divorcecoaching #divorcees #divorcecake #divorcelawyer #divorceeducation #divorcesurvivor ♬ original sound – Dennis R. Vetrano, Jr.

It’s a sad reality that about half of all first marriages end in divorce

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

If you’re married, your wedding day might have been one of the best days of your life. Couples often look forward to it for years, plan it for months and ensure that every detail is perfect, so they can look back on this day fondly for the rest of their lives. But when things start to go awry in a marriage and it doesn’t seem like issues will ever be resolved, it might be time to start considering the dreaded “d-word”. The harsh reality is that divorce is quite common, with about half of all first marriages ending in divorce, with second and third marriages failing at much higher rates. Marriages that ultimately end last an average of eight years, and interestingly enough, having close friends who divorce increases a couple’s chances of ending their own marriage by about 75%. 

According to Forbes, some of the most common reasons couples cite for divorce are lack of commitment, infidelity, getting married too young, financial issues, substance abuse, domestic violence, lack of support from family, basic incompatibility, health problems, religious differences and little or no premarital education. And when a marriage comes to an end, 74% of women think that their partners should have tried harder to save the marriage, compared to only 66% of men. 72% of couples also admit to not fully grasping the commitment that marriage entails and the realities of how marriage changes a person’s life.

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But some of these marriages might have been saved if both partners put in equal effort

Image credits: Becca Tapert (not the actual photo)

If you ask real-world divorce lawyer Dennis R. Vetrano Jr. why his clients have recently been divorcing their husbands, he’ll explain that these working women are simply exhausted. And unfortunately, he’s right. Many millennial moms, despite the fact that they work full-time jobs, find that gender stereotypes persist in their homes, leaving them with the majority of housework and child rearing responsibilities. Apparently, 75% of moms find themselves responsible for their children’s doctors appointments, and mothers are four times more likely than their husbands to call out of work when one of their children is sick.    

One poll found that 88% of millennial moms would happily clone themselves if they could to help with housework, since their partners are not putting in much effort, and 76% of moms report feeling exhausted. Unfortunately, over half of mothers admit that they don’t receive enough support from their partner or family members either, with many complaining that their husbands won’t do anything to help unless they’re explicitly told to. And responsibilities around the house are not only an issue for stay-at-home parents, as even when moms earn more than their husbands, they still somehow find themselves doing more housework.

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Despite the fact that moms are working and earning more than ever, they’re still expected to take on more chores than fathers

Image credits: Matilda Wormwood (not the actual photo)

Joanna Syrda, a professor at the U.K.-based University of Bath School of Management, conducted a study using research from the Institute of Family Studies, and she found that mothers reduced their housework from 18 to 14 hours a week when they went from earning zero to half of their household’s income. Yet when moms started earning more than their husbands, they began spending nearly 16 hours a week on house work. Meanwhile, husbands typically spend between 6-8 hours a week doing chores when they’re the primary breadwinners, and manage to do even less when their wives start earning more than them.

Despite the fact that women have been participating more and more in the workplace since the 1970s, moms today can’t get a break when it comes to household chores. And somehow, they spend even more time on child care than moms in the 1960s did. It’s no wonder that mothers are exhausted and fed-up with their marriages. If they can manage to balance everything with a partner around who costs them money and fails to help out, why wouldn’t they cut them off? We would love to hear your thoughts on this video in the comments below, pandas. If you’re married, feel free to share how you and your spouse balance household responsibilities, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article discussing a similar topic, we recommend reading this piece next.       

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Many viewers pointed out that this information comes as no surprise to them

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Some even shared how these dynamics have affected their parents and their own relationships

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sarahschmidt436 avatar
E Schmitt
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It seems to me more and more that men are making themselves totally redundant in women's lives. It seems too many men just want a mother they can f%#& and no woman wants to be that, yuck.

pincriske avatar
jitka-zachova avatar
Pamela24
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is still sooo common. The worst thing for me (as a woman in a long term heterosexual relationship) is how much I see myself slipping into the stereotypes of taking care of everything. It takes a genuine mental effort from myself to actively work against the patterns. And I see with my partner how much it takes for him to work against this laziness and notice what I do so that he's more active and doesn't let me deal with it all. We're still at like 70:30 at best. I'm definitely the manager of the household and I don't think it's because I'm better at it. I've just been brought up in a society that expected it of me and I just fall right into it. Men, do better.

miablack avatar
Mia Black
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate that many men don't seem to see how much of a difference there is. Even if proofed several times they are like "I do my fair share!"... They can be lucky that they are loved, because otherwise there would be much more singles or there.

Load More Replies...
amyenelsonsjunk avatar
Amy E
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Weaponized incompetence is real! Grown a*s men to know how to do common domestic tasks, yet they need every step to be explained till their wife just ends up doing it.

generally_happy avatar
similarly
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I used to work with a guy who used to say "If I do it badly enough, they won't ask me to do it again.

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
sarahschmidt436 avatar
E Schmitt
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

It seems to me more and more that men are making themselves totally redundant in women's lives. It seems too many men just want a mother they can f%#& and no woman wants to be that, yuck.

pincriske avatar
jitka-zachova avatar
Pamela24
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

This is still sooo common. The worst thing for me (as a woman in a long term heterosexual relationship) is how much I see myself slipping into the stereotypes of taking care of everything. It takes a genuine mental effort from myself to actively work against the patterns. And I see with my partner how much it takes for him to work against this laziness and notice what I do so that he's more active and doesn't let me deal with it all. We're still at like 70:30 at best. I'm definitely the manager of the household and I don't think it's because I'm better at it. I've just been brought up in a society that expected it of me and I just fall right into it. Men, do better.

miablack avatar
Mia Black
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I hate that many men don't seem to see how much of a difference there is. Even if proofed several times they are like "I do my fair share!"... They can be lucky that they are loved, because otherwise there would be much more singles or there.

Load More Replies...
amyenelsonsjunk avatar
Amy E
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Weaponized incompetence is real! Grown a*s men to know how to do common domestic tasks, yet they need every step to be explained till their wife just ends up doing it.

generally_happy avatar
similarly
Community Member
9 months ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I used to work with a guy who used to say "If I do it badly enough, they won't ask me to do it again.

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
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