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I Illustrate My Darkest Thoughts To Help People Understand What It’s Like To Suffer From Mental Illness (40 Pics)
I've been living with mental illness for as long as I can remember. And mental illness brings many weird and dark thoughts in my head.
I started these drawings because I'm really bad at explaining those thoughts, and explaining by drawing has always been a lot easier for me. For the French people around here, I also made a French version on Webtoons.
I already made the first post about it some time ago, here it is.
More info: Instagram | French Webtoons | English Webtoons
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Final score:
222points
Mary Stiles 6 years ago
It's so sad, how many of us have depression and anxiety, yet the society blows it off and keeps it hidden
Seirnos 6 years ago
Reading these and feeling happy that I'm not the only one. Thanks for making my day a bit brighter.
Rua Uílliam (Brithem) 6 years ago
Very good at hiding it behind the illusion of being a functioning human being.
My illustrations allow me to express my feelings. I've never been great at talking about it, so drawing allows me that. I can hide behind my characters and then share it without having to show my face. With time, it also slowly became a way to inform about mental health issues and to remind people that they are not alone and that it's okay to not be okay. I'm really happy with that part because I wasn't expecting it at all!
RELATED:
#2
Final score:
182points
T Rex King 6 years ago
You see THIS is why I'm so conflicted about my depression, i want to die because of it, but i don't want to let go of my family yet... 😓😓😢😥😥😭😭
Debrina Blackmoon 4 years ago (edited)
First my "mother' actually told me to commit suicide when I was just 18 simply because I was not out of her house because she hated me and I refused to marry a guy who was completely unsuitable. Then many years later dear hubby said he hoped I would die after an argument he started and I was sick. Hmm. Nice people.
kjorn 4 years ago
yep. my kids it's what's make me fight for the next day
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#3
Final score:
165points
Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
Anxiety becomes a sumo wrestler putting you in a choke hold, no matter how hard you fight, he still has you in that choke hold. Trapped. Unable to go anywhere.
T Rex King 6 years ago
I agree, it's very harsh when your so deppressed you don't want to go anywhere
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Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
I agree. Even though I don't have a job, I go to school. It gives me a place to go, a purpose, so that I'm not at home doing nothing being miserable, lost in my own thoughts.
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Randomcthulu 6 years ago
Pretty much me...and if I don't work, can't afford a hospital and our finances will be irreparably ruined
Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. Even if you just need a compliment if you're having a rough day, whatever it may be, I am here. For you. I will always respond, and that's a promise.
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Niito 6 years ago
Your health is way more important than your job or other responsibilities, they can wait. If you need to go to the hospital, go to the hospital. Like 3 years ago, I went under a lot of stress and ended breaking under anxiety. There was a point where I couldn't even go outside home, I was desperate because I thought it would always be like that. I had a job at that time so I thought I couldn't take a break because there were people depending on my job, but it wasn't true, somehow they 'd manage. I felt so bad I even thought about giving up. But then one day I told dad I really needed to go to the hospital, that same day, I packed a few clothes and we go there. I spent two months there as they were making sure the new meds were effective and not giving me side effects, and even I would have needed another month, I decided to come off to see my grandpa who was very ill of cancer (and passed away a week after that). Do you think they cared at all in my job? (continues)
Niito 6 years ago
(continuation) Nope, as soon as my dad sent the sick leave form, they hired someone to temporarily fill my spot, and never sent me a message asking how I was feeling. After I started working again, some even hadn¡t noticed I had been away. In the end, some months after that the sales weren't going well and they fired half of the workers (including me). They didn't looked at how much I have worked, they just fired me when things weren't going well for them, as I was just a number. So fck office, fck everything, you can always get another job, but you only have one body, so take care of it and take your time. If you need therapy, or to go to the hospital, just go, let the rest of the world manage it while you take the time you need.
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Virginia W 4 years ago
Going to the hospital can be so helpful, the psych unit can truly be a safe haven.
I've always been drawing and just never stopped. After high school, I was refused in art schools but kept drawing because I didn't see myself doing anything else. I'm always trying to make something that can be understood by as many people as possible: people who suffer from mental health issues, but also people who don't but may know someone suffering. It's sometimes challenging, but I like that.
#4
Final score:
156points
#5
Final score:
155points
BusLady 6 years ago
Escape to dreamland. But sleep can also bring bad dreams, making you fear going to sleep.
Sow Ay (Submission author) 6 years ago
I also had that. Sometimes I don't what's the worse, too much nightmary sleep or no sleep.
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Backtotheislands 6 years ago
I don't want to die exactly, I just want to disappear, as though I never existed. 2nd choice, falling asleep forever.
Sow Ay (Submission author) 6 years ago
Yes, this drawing is more about that than suicide !
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Rogue Aresa 4 years ago
I was kinda upset when my mom died, I always hoped I'd go before her and at the same time, I didn't want her to have to bury me. I miss her so much
Laura Watts 4 years ago
I've been feeling like this for weeks my kids are very ..... challenging (?!)at the moment but they're also the reason I drag myself out of bed each day
Amiella Berendt 5 years ago
I know what you mean. Yet, every time I want it to end, I tell my self, "What about that drawing I didn't finish? That story I only just began? My cat, I can't leave my cat! What about that one girl I actually think of as a friend – she'll at least be a little upset, right?" So far, it's sort of worked...
I've always been drawing about my life, so the topics of depression and anxiety came naturally when my life became darker. Sharing it publicly took some time because I was scared to have my family and friends see it. I would describe my style as dark humor with a sketchy comic style. But I also like making cute illustrations in a more kid literature style—the opposite of these comics.
#6
Final score:
151points
Sow Ay (Submission author) 6 years ago
So sorry to read about that, virtual hug
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Luisa Vasconcelos 6 years ago
It's like have 8+ radio on, in different stations, all very laud.
VesselTrenchBlurryface 4 years ago
this is me at school and my social anxiety says you can't look think or act differently or everyone will hate you and you will be cast from society.
#7
Final score:
144points
Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
....Thank you.I'm not enough, I will never be enough, but thank you...
Petra 6 years ago
Who sets the standards what is enough? You ARE already enough! You don't have to be more. You are unique and precious just like you are! You only need to compare yourself to yourself, or not even that. Start with very very very little steps to praise yourself: I got up today, hurray. I washed my teeth, hurray. I watered the flower, hurray, it is still alive, hurray. I am a champion for this already. I made myself a cup of coffee, hurray. I stuck my nose out of the window and saw the sunlight, and liked it, hurray...
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Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
Rua, I don't know what you're going through. I could never understand. We all have our own s**t. Let's stick together, okay? You're amazing. You've made it this far. Life is taken day by day. Let's do it together.
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Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
If you ever need anybody to talk to, I will be here okay.
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Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. Even if you just need a compliment if you're having a rough day, whatever it may be, I am here. For you. I will always respond, and that's a promise.
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I started these illustrations around 2014, dared to share them after 2015 and will continue as long as I have something to share on these topics. Seeing people's reactions to my drawings is a huge boost and is very inspiring! It reminds me that I'm not alone and that what I'm doing is useful. It makes me really proud! I never imagined I would be able to help people since I feel like I am broken myself.
#8
Final score:
134points
Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
Sometimes anxiety just hits you like a f*****g train. Tackles you to the ground, pins you down, and there's nothing you can do to prevent it or shake it off.
T Rex King 6 years ago (edited)
Yea i'm always gonna play, play, all day. But depressions gonna stay, stay, stay. I can't Shake it off, Shake it off! It's gonna tackle, tackle me to ground, ground, ground. and it's gonna pin me down, down, down, down, down. I can't Shake it off, Shake it off!
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Dorothy Miller 6 years ago
Crying and laughing at the same time seeing this. So true it hurts.
Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
It comes in like a wreeeeeeeeeeeeeecccccccking ballllllllllllllllll. All jokes aside, it can be sudden and it can hurt. If you need someone to just vent to or talk to or need someone to listen to you, I'm here.
Load More Replies... Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
We listen to it because what your anxiety tells you can be scary, and you don't want to have to deal with it for as long. But even then it comes back. And comes back. But at least it's possible to distract yourself from it. Here's some advice, and it's what helps me out when my anxiety hits me hard but not panic-attack hard. I put in earbuds and sometimes i don't even play music, I just put them in to dull the sounds of the world. And I go onto a website and look at memes or really funny snapchats and tweets. The website I use that helps me distract myself from my anxiety, at least for a little bit, is https://funnyjunk.com
Load More Replies... Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
If you ever need to talk to someone I'm here, okay. I might be late, but I will always respond. You can vent to me or just talk about your day, like an online buddy. I'm here for you, extra support beams could never hurt!
Load More Replies... Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
I'm here for you or anyone else that needs it. I'm a tough person but I struggle sometimes too. I totally understand the pain and struggles and I'm still trying to figure out my own life. But if you ever need to just rant to someone or just have someone listen to you, or have a conversation with you, I'm here. I may be late but I will always respond. Always. I get notifications and I'm very obsessive so I check a couple times a day.
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#9
Final score:
130points
反社会的 6 years ago
It isn't always that easy to be positive, I just don't think some people understand that because depression is such a taboo topic, that no one is educated about it.
Petra 6 years ago
Yes, it is a stigma for many people. I am trying to get rid of this stigma myself. I am thinking of talking about it in public, like for teenagers in schools, etc. but had no courage so far. I tried for decades to cheat on myself, looking always on the bright side of life, but then was finally fed up by telling myself I should be happy and satisfied, just because I live a much luckier life than many others. No, I should be well without this, just for the sake of it. I smile a lot. People think I am a "jolly good fellow". But not inside. However I have support, and I get better... For sure there are many people around you who love you a lot, and their lives are much better having YOU!
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Daric Apai (Darquestar1) 6 years ago
I hate this about depression. Don't you think I wish I could be positive? I want to then I can't which makes it all the worse and when I open enough to let someone know to get this response I immediately shut down, smile to hide it and I will never open to them again because they don't get it at all. I WANT TO BE POSITIVE.
Zori the degu 6 years ago
I hate people who say this. How could anyone, depressed or not, be positive in such a cruel and unjust world? We are killing each other, other species, our planet, people are starving, money-hungry idiots walk proudly on everyone's backs... Realism is what you need in order to survive in the long term. Knowledge hurts, but our world doesn't have enough time left for ignorance. These days being positive in a healthy way is a difficult job most people are incapable of doing right, so positive thinking shouldn't be worshipped at all.
If you want to create art—just get started and create! We get better by practicing and never stopping. Talent is just days of work. I personally draw things that are far from perfect, but I keep working.
#10
Final score:
127points
The durpy dolphin 6 years ago
And its the world that has caused both depression and anxiety.
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Emma Norwood 6 years ago
This is exactly why i have such a hard time looking out my internet window... Im not pretending it doesnt exist... I just cant stand the pain of this world sometimes... Im slowly finding my voice again and I beg others to join me.
Zori the degu 6 years ago
Depression is, in short, caused by the impossibility of escaping a situation you don't feel comfortable in for a very long time. Because most of us are basically confined to the modern society(which is actually described lightly in this picture) by many factors out of our control, the more sensitive and aware of our numbers develop different mental illnesses in response to these poor conditions. I strongly suspect I did suffer from some form of depression in first grade. I cried for hours, wanted to die and felt I had no meaning. Because I was a mere child though, the solution to my problem was easy: I said that I'm fed up and giving up on the dumb studying. Once I dropped the "Perfect pupil" regime and started doing more of what I actually cared about(with the encouragement of my family), my general outlook of life deeply improved. There was no more crying, sleepless nights, classmates stopped bullying me because I grew confident... Wish all solutions were that elementary though :(
Rogue Aresa 4 years ago
I've always believed that the more you are aware of all the crap in the world, the more mentally broken you become to escape the reality you cannot change. Ignorance is truly a bliss
Boredpanda-crew 6 years ago
f**k the world, f**k it all, humanity is just making things worse for it, f**k us all
Virgil Blue 6 years ago
Well, to be honest... the world is slightly broken, just like us. But while I mostly can't fix the huge problems I can work at least slowly get better every day.
#11
Final score:
123points
Mary Stiles 6 years ago
I never thought that people would be so... self absorbed that they can't even...I don't know.
PyroarRanger 6 years ago
Someone told me "You cut bridges (horizontally) for attention, rivers (vertically) for depression" and I'm inside my head thinking "So you're saying I'm cutting for attention?"
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Neurotic_Octopus 6 years ago
I've been describing it (or the urge for it) as a physical manifestation of the pain you're constantly feeling mentally. It's hard to tell why we're hurting so much, but if there's something organic like a cut or injury, it gives something else to attribute the pain to.
Daria B 6 years ago
"Hurt myself to get pain out", is how Richey Edwards summed it up.
Load More Replies... Zori the degu 6 years ago
I hate this self-hurting thing, not only because I feel awful for all those people who are doing it, but also because it's so difficult to comprehend by us, the people who are lucky to not be struggling with such a bad case of depression/other mental illness. When people don't understand things, most of them become rude, tactless and in some cases(just look at history) even downright dangerous for the misunderstood. :(
Petra 6 years ago
To everyone down and up here who is doing this: Do NOT give up, please. Ask for help and/or medication. Things will get better. Don't hurt yourself. You are valuable. I know its easy to say and hard to live it,but try again, and again... you will get over it!!!
Miszpink Lorcsa 6 years ago
But what if you dont have money and chance for medication
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SpazzyCoolKid13 6 years ago
I am literally going to fricking KILL this girl. I had a friend who committed suicide in 7TH GRADE. So young! Too young. And some people claimed she did it for attention. How could anyone say that? How could anyone possibly be stupid enough to let those horribly s****y words come out of their mouths... God I could punch something. EDIT: sorry if I come across as insensitive and violent to some people, I'm just kind of emotionally attached to this one.
lazy panda 4 years ago
I feel you. I've had 2 cousins in recent years commit suicide. One was 16. The poor girl was bullied so relentlessly that she couldn't take it anymore. People, especially the ones who act like self harm/suicide is all for attention are some of the most dense creatures on this planet.
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Maia Choat 6 years ago
My sister self harms and my Mum always say to me to ignore it because she's just doing it for attention
Annabelle Janous 4 years ago
thats awful, i had a habit of SH when i was in a really bad place, and sometimes i hoped someone would see, so they could tell i needed help, cause i couldn't just ask.
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I'm a French '90s kid who got refused in art schools after high school and did his best to work as an artist anyway. It's still in progress today.
As I grew up in my twenties, life got darker, so I started drawing about it in English, so my French family wouldn't understand. It slowly got worse and I couldn't get out of my house after 2 big panic attacks that made me too sick and scared to go out. One of them was at one of my art shows, so I felt betrayed by my drawings. The other one was at a concert, so I felt betrayed by music, my biggest support in life. So I decided to get help and talked about it to my doctor. I discovered I had burned out, that I had depression, and that many of my issues were caused by anxiety and panic disorder. With time, I realized I was also facing gender dysphoria. I came out a trans guy, got kicked out of my parents' house by my dad and now draw about all of these strange thoughts in my head and hope to someday make a real living with all of my drawings. I evolved a lot in the last few years. I started hormones, got my own home, got a dog. Today, I think I can say the hardest is in the past. I'd like to try to go to more concerts. To start playing in a band again, to try to start really living.
#12
Final score:
120points
Adria Thelen 6 years ago
HEY BUS LADY_OH SHOOT IM STILL IN CAPS LOCK LOL hey bus lady can u go to my page pls 🐺🙏
Load More Replies... Luisa Vasconcelos 6 years ago
The best part of being older is that you stop having f***s to give, and sorry if I couldn't make it to come, but life is not always as we plan.
Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago (edited)
My depression and anxiety got to me so bad that I don't give a f**k about pretending to be fine when I'm not. But I'm only 16. and I have at least 5 other disorders
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Kaiserfranzgirl 6 years ago
I have agoraphobia, so my anxiety says stay home, but staying home makes my depression worse 😢
T Rex King 6 years ago
This is basically me everytime my family is going somewhere and give me the option not to go. depression wins about 80% of the time.
#13
Final score:
115points
Don't hesitate to talk about how you are feeling to people. We often fear bad reactions, but they are often more open than we imagine. Get help, it's all okay!
#14
Final score:
114points
Sow Ay (Submission author) 6 years ago
Yes ! Glad to read it's in the past ! That shows to people it is possible to get better ! Thanks
Load More Replies... Sandy Surface 6 years ago
Sometimes I wonder who I feel worse for, me, because I’m “too sensitive “, or others, because they’re dead inside.,
BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing 4 years ago
I feel like this. Even the smallest things can change my mood drastically, and then I'm told I'm being too sensitive and that makes it worse.
Eva Vermeiren 6 years ago
I am not depressed but I do still feel this often. The expectations of the world weighs to heavy
#15
Final score:
106points
BusLady 6 years ago
I have days when I really can't get out of bed. Then I feel guilty for wasting my day and not being productive. Sometimes I just need a "free" day like this, I keep reminding myself.
Luisa Vasconcelos 6 years ago
You deserve days for yourself, or even a week. Keep this in mind as keep in mind that soon or later, slow or fast you will have to get up and move on. What's wrong with charging your batteries.?
Load More Replies... #16
Final score:
103points
Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
People ask me "Are you okay?" and my anxiety tells me not to say that I'm' never okay because then they'll ask me why and I'll have to answer questions nobody has found answers to yet, and my depression will never allow me to be okay.
Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here for you. Even if you just need a compliment if you're having a rough day, whatever it may be, I am here. For you. I will always respond, and that's a promise.
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Kathleen Francis 6 years ago
a guy at work always asks, how are you, or some variant; when I told him something a couple of times, he told me people didn't need to know how I was doing, it was something people said in the morning. OK then...
Rogue Aresa 4 years ago
The same goes for me, but I say I'm fine because otherwise it would become awkward really quick and before you know it, no friends or people left to talk to cause nobody wants to hear how truly dark and depressed you are. Please avoid people like that like it's contagious.
PixxelDust 4 years ago
from someone with anxiety: 'yes, im okay' is the best way to not worry others. my mind takes any form of self-indulgence as selfishness. so yeah, i say i'm okay. better than worrying everyone else around you and being the centre of attention. IS WHAT MY MIND TELLS ME. IF YOURS TELLS YOU THE SAME, DO NOT LISTEN.
#17
Final score:
98points
T Rex King 6 years ago
This is basically me, like, all the f****ng time. teetering on the metaphorical cliff of insanity everyday, waiting for the edge to break until i end up walking away, even for just a second, to get back my normal, everyday life... if you know what i mean by all that...
Leo Domitrix 4 years ago
Every. Day. Of. The. Covid-19. Pandemic. For. Me. Just... lean forward a little and be free.... but that takes energy
Amiella Berendt 5 years ago
Sometimes, I think the only things that have saved me are my fears – heights, for example.
#18
Final score:
95points
Boredpanda-crew 6 years ago
I want that...I could finally let others be and not heave my emotions onto them..
Kjorn 6 years ago
Always says to yourself: so many people will be hurt if you passed away. That's the only thought who keep me for some time few years ago. Even if i considered a Failure or sucking at Something i Always had in my mind that my kids would miss me and cry a river. that though help me get throught that rough patch. Has to say that story (https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2016/10/15/mommy-died-last-night-father-tapes-video-as-he-tells-8-year-old-of-mothers-heroin-overdose/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.84119583d804) was really a punch in my face. you tell to yourself if a kids who know his mum was a drug addict, must be hard to live with, cry that hard at that news, makes me realise how much they'll miss me.
Amandine BB 6 years ago
I sometimes want to sleep forever in order to avoid everything I have to face everyday, but besides that I have nightmares because of my anxiety and so I’m afraid of going to sleep...
#19
Final score:
94points
Sow Ay (Submission author) 6 years ago
ooh, sorry about that, hope that was positive tears
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Angela George 6 years ago
What kind of help do you need? What state are you in? City?
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BlackPearltheSeaWing/NightWing 4 years ago
Sometimes a person can't ask for help, so you need to figure out how they're asking nonverbally.
#20
Final score:
86points
#21
Final score:
81points
Ryan Deschanel 4 years ago
Right, it is better than the pain you will feel if you take risks and fail.
#22
Final score:
80points
Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
Depression is there for all of it, the ups and downs. A person? They probably don't even know something's wrong, even when you tell them. They think it's cured. Asking "Are you ok?" I appreciate the concern but no, I'm never okay.
BusLady 6 years ago
No one is ever "cured." It's an illness that you learn to manage, if you are able.
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#23
Final score:
78points
Sow Ay (Submission author) 6 years ago
Haha, indeed ! I want to make a new drawing of him now ! As a kind character !
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Aila Beatriz 6 years ago
I don’t know why this hit me so much more than the others.....It’s so beautiful, and obviously has so much meaning and emotion behind it.
Schrödinger's Dog 6 years ago
This looks like something for a 21 Pilots album. I don't know, it just came to mind.
Malakai 6 years ago
Jesus, but this is so spot on for social anxiety... Feeling out of place, frightened of the imagined thoughts everyone around you is having since you can't hear them or really talk to them, feeling the anxiety drain ypur energy and feed on your discomfort in a room full of strangers...
#24
Final score:
74points
Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
I have a thing I like to call double depression. I'm always depressed, always sad. But sometimes for no reason, my depression gets so much greater that I can no longer even pretend to be happy or deflect it with humor or laugh with "friends" so they don't ask me about it.
KCN 6 years ago
Are you getting any help with your depression? Perhaps you're getting hit with another thing, like SAD, being affected by the lack of sunshine during the winter. Sometimes it's due to a developing tolerance to current prescriptions. Sometimes you need to talk to someone. Sometimes it helps to have a good cry: watch a movie that gives you happy tears, perhaps.Find something that works for you. it's hard to get moving on this, I KNOW. You can do it, just keep trying. (I've been on anti-depressants for several years. I've read that I shouldn't be on them for years, but if it's helping, why not?)
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Sherry A Swegle 6 years ago
This is how I feel when I'm really depressed. It's like I must exert more energy to make my limbs move. Inertia settles in like a heavy blanket.
Jackie Porter 4 years ago
When my depression is really bad I describe it like trying to walk through treacle, my limbs feel much heavier and moving is more difficult.
#25
Final score:
73points
Maia Choat 6 years ago
I'm not suicidal or depressed but sometimes I wonder what would happen if I died in like an accident, how would they tell my friends or even people that I don't really know but would still wonder where I am. Sometimes my mind wanders to places I don't understand?!
Rachel Justice 6 years ago
So close to home. How will my only friends know? How will my support groups find out? Will they even notice I’m gone? Will they even care?
Up All Night 6 years ago
Last will: If I die, a reliable person or my lawyer will log in everywhere and tell people. I think everyone will do it in the future.
#26
Final score:
69points
BusLady 6 years ago
Thanks, Mom. Self hate often starts in childhood. Being repeatedly told for years that you are worthless scars you for life.
Boredpanda-crew 6 years ago
I've been told this so many times I've just..gotten used to it..it's just what and who I am
#27
Final score:
69points
Amiella Berendt 5 years ago
One of my classmates once said that you'd be able to tell if someone was depressed. I replied, "Not necessarily." She jokingly said, "Oh, you're depressed?" I was speechless.
#28
Final score:
69points
BusLady 6 years ago
That's the last thing I can do: stay still. I feel like I need to get up and run away.
Sow Ay (Submission author) 6 years ago
When I have a panic attack I am paralyzed because I'm too scared to pass out or vomit if I move.
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Amanda Reicha 4 years ago
My anxiety attacks are like that. Hide in the bed, don't move, keep breathing, stay still until it goes away. My panic attacks are more like I'm dying of a heart attack and can't move because I lose the ability to move and can't rationalize anything.
#29
Final score:
67points
Judy Delin 6 years ago
I remember feeling like this. Just getting from one appointment to the next. Sending a message back from where I am now to say it started to feel like a shorter time, and then it felt like 'What am I going to tell him about?' and then 'Perhaps I could go every two weeks' and then 'Perhaps I can take a break'. Things are looking much brighter now
Safy 6 years ago
So glad to hear, Judy. I'm around the every two week stage myself right now. But its been a j-o-u-r-n-e-y. Best to you!
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Sarah Storm 5 years ago
I can't physically talk to a therapist. My anxiety is so bed that if I try to open my mouth to say something personal all that comes out is weird choking noises.
Gaia Campbell 6 years ago
This is me everyday. I'm so tired of this and wish I could have a real life.
Ryan Deschanel 4 years ago
My therapist always makes me feel even worse, but I need his prescription to buy the antidepressants that help me not commit suicide, so I keep going there.
#30
Final score:
66points
Virgil Blue 6 years ago
Yeah, it's always an unpleasant surprise when old man anxiety crashes at your pad.
Lily Mac Dennard 5 years ago
People i know always think that its either constant or its fake and just for attention
Load More Replies... 
#31
Final score:
62points
Jack Clements 6 years ago
this one is seriously hitting home. i never woke up one day and went 'oh i'm feeling suicidal now okay', it's been a three year long battle with anxiety and depressed and insomnia and i don't think i'm winning but i'm trying my damn best.
#32
Final score:
61points
#33
Final score:
60points
BusLady 6 years ago
Without treatment there is no hope. Reach out for it and make it happen. You are worth it.
Omar Elmaghraby 6 years ago
It gets very frustrating falling all the time even with treatment, you get to the point of believing that this how it will be for eternity. Which arouse a very valid question, why keep hurting all your life. Its just a logical conclusion
Load More Replies... Lovin' Life 4 years ago
I'm always walking on the spikes of depression and wearing masks so no one really knows what I'm going through
#34
Final score:
55points
#35
Final score:
53points
#36
Final score:
53points
#37
Final score:
53points
#38
Final score:
52points
Phoebe Bean 6 years ago
I´m taking it one day at a time. That´s how. Otherwise it becomes overwhelming.
Sow Ay (Submission author) 6 years ago
That's what I'm trying to learn. Not easy
Load More Replies... HooowlAtTheMoon 4 years ago
I'm scared of the future too, even just tomorrow. When i think about tomorrow, i want to cry. Imagine how i get when i have time to think about years into the future
Spring Fisk 4 years ago
There is beauty in the world, real life giving beauty, it is just hard to see because of depression.
#39
Final score:
52points
#40
Final score:
51points
BusLady 6 years ago (edited)
I couldn't tell you the number of appointments and obligations I have missed because of my illness.
Sow Ay (Submission author) 6 years ago
Same. And I feel guilty saying I'm sick because it's "just" in my head.
Load More Replies... #41
Final score:
40points
#42
Final score:
38points
Daria B 6 years ago
Jumping? Yes, actually. But not into a void. Maybe jumping in a particular rhythm. Maybe you can use some music to help you out. (Doesn't work for everyone, but sometimes it does, and it's harmless)
BusLady 6 years ago
So true. Regular exercise can help your mood. Especially dancing (or listening) to music you enjoy.
Load More Replies... Amiella Berendt 5 years ago
I like to write stories. In one story (wait, no – several) a character commits suicide. An acquaintance has approached me to tell me that it seemed a little drastic. All I wanted to say was, "What do YOU know?"
#43
Final score:
38points
StealTheFruit 6 years ago (edited)
I have breakdowns in private. In my mind, or in a bathroom stall. I haven't cried in front of anyone but family for almost two years. That's why I don't think They believe me.
Emma Norwood 6 years ago
I am the friend that holds them during their breakdowns... mine the shower holds me and the pain washes down the drain.
#44
Final score:
37points
Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
For me, depression is not tears. My depression is not being able to cry, to get it over with, get it done. My depression is the lack of tears, I can't get over it, and I have to sit with it, deal with it, 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
The True Red Panda 6 years ago
Yes! My question was always: does it count as depression if you are not actually sad, just emotionally numb?
Load More Replies...
Crouching_Penn_Hidden_Teller@yahoo.com 6 years ago
I pretty much don't cry anymore. I'm still depressed but i learned when I was very young not to cry because it only gives satisfaction to the people who hurt me
Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
If you EVER need anybody to talk to for any reason, I'll be here okay. I could be a few hours late but I promise if you respond, I 100% will respond back. And I'm the same way. I just can't cry.
Load More Replies... #45
Final score:
35points
BEC Burns 6 years ago
These are so clever and insightful. It explains exactly how it is...thankyou for sharing your gift!
The True Red Panda 6 years ago
That is how I cover up my pain. I make jokes. There was this one song in band that I was not good, which was painful, because playing the saxophone was the one thing that kept me alive. There aren't that many saxophone players in my band, and when the conducter said only saxes, I loudly said yes, everyone listen to me fail! And then laughed it off... I cried that night because I really did fail that song horribly... And no one encouraged me afterwards, or even tried...
#46
Final score:
34points
lilspiffy 6 years ago
Please take your meds more regularly. Missing doses can cause worse depression than if you weren’t on them at all.
Sarah Storm 5 years ago
I can't take meds. I have one prescription and I haven't taken it in months because when I took it awhile back it made me have really bad stomach aches and feel way worse.
Emma Norwood 6 years ago
Best advice from my father... Keep your pills and a bottle of water next to your bed. Take them first thing before you even attempt to get out of bed. Or just before you go to sleep... I haven't missed a dose in months. I am feeling more and more in control and able to handle the issues as they come with out being totally overcome.
#47
Final score:
30points
Boredpanda-crew 6 years ago
Sow, I'm with you on this, I do this all the time...sadly...but true
Up All Night 6 years ago
Now I have to know: do these black and white pants symbolize something?
#48
Final score:
14points
#49
Final score:
11points
River Webb 4 years ago
sometimes when I look in the mirror I don't feel like its me I'm looking at
#52
Final score:
10points
#57
Final score:
8points
Natalia Shoemark 4 years ago
It IS like that aye... like a voice telling you all that stuff... ty!
Spring Fisk 4 years ago
There is beauty in the world, real life giving beauty, it is just hard to see because of depression.
#58
Final score:
7points
#61
Final score:
7points
Ryan Deschanel 4 years ago
You are ugly, so you are depressed, so you take antidepressants, so you are uglier...
#62
Final score:
7points
#68
Final score:
6points
Potato fries 4 years ago
Trust me, most peoples lives arent perfect-unless they're billionaires they aren't. Everyone feels sadness, and on social media they hide it. Their lives are hardly better, you keep comparing yourself to others-your life MATTERS
Load More Replies... #69
Final score:
6points
#72
Final score:
6points
Ryan Deschanel 4 years ago (edited)
You really should have thought of that before you became a... erm... sentient living person.
#74
Final score:
5points
River Webb 4 years ago
ive thought about dying before, but then I realised how much pain that'll cause to my loved ones
Paradise 4 years ago
And that is a sign you realize people care about you, which is good.
Load More Replies... BasedWang 4 years ago
I tried to post a poem but the formatting is not right sooo heres a link https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44835/resume-56d2241505225
Load More Replies...
#77
Final score:
4points
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Lazy Panda 6 years ago
Friendly tip if anyone down here needs it: I’ve found that the urge to self harm gets stronger the more you think about it. When I feel like I might relapse I like to count how many 90 degree angles are in my bedroom, it’s easy and it works so if anyone down here was in the same position as me, don’t give up, seriously.
HooowlAtTheMoon 4 years ago
now im curious as to how many 90 degree angles there are in my bedroom
Load More Replies...
Zori the degu 6 years ago
I have a classmate who thinks people with depression are just making it up and dramatising and this makes my blood boil, although she's just very stupid and doesn't understand anything. She thinks I'm dramatising too when she asks me what's wrong and I tell her that I just feel awfully sick for sitting in that bloody classroom and doing nothing while the world outside needs people like me, ready to sacrifice themselves to fix it. I'm thinking about it all the time, but sometimes my face goes even gloomier than usual and people start asking me what's wrong. I don't think I'm suffering from even the mildest form of depression(although many people I know swear it's odd to be attacked by such dark thoughts on regular basis), but I still feel obliged to defend and speak for such people as if they were my closest allies. I just feel that their reaction to this broken world is just so normal and understandable. For our current general situation is real damn bad.
Sow Ay (Post author) 6 years ago (edited)
You are not forced to be mentally ill to defend people with mental illness and actually I'm happy to read you're willing to do this ! If you think you have depression, you can still try to talk about it to a professional, that could maybe be recomforting.
Load More Replies... BusLady 6 years ago
Great article. I hope it encourages people to take steps to reaching out for professional help.
StealTheFruit 6 years ago
Method for not breaking down: Count back from 100 by 7s. I've done it so much, I'm fluent.
Bryanna Van Leeuwen 6 years ago
I don't have a mental illness, and based on these illustrations and posters around my school (they are very good at talking about issues like these), it seems like a terrible thing to deal with. I know some friends who have depression and anxiety, and they don't talk about it that much so I don't want to bring it up, but is there anything I can say whenever someone says something like "I was feeling so depressed" or "Anxiety, amiright" (some things they have said, and I do think they actually mean it)?
Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
Some of them do truly mean it. Most likely they use humor to deflect it, so people don't notice. Just if they seem really down, touch their shoulder or stand or sit beside them, and tell them "It will get better eventually, stay strong". If they seem to be freaking out, like symptoms of a panic attack are breathing heavily or crying, it depends on the person. Just stand or sit beside them and if they are breathing very fast, take long, deep breaths. If they can hear your breathing they will start to slow their breathing down and calm down eventually. If you ever need more advice just ask, okay. I'll always respond. And if you just need a pal to talk to, vent to, I'm here.
Load More Replies...
Liz Mosby 6 years ago
It sucks to have your mind completely consumed with sadness/fear/anxiousness/etc, with not even knowing why half the time. I never wanted to self harm, but I put on a mask for several years when I was younger. I was able to finally kick out the crazy. I got to the point where I couldn't hide it anymore and was either going to let it destroy me, or destroy it. I did it my own way, which was to completely change what I was doing at the very moment I felt that feeling in the pit of my stomach coming on. If it was a song I was listening to, and I started to feel it, I changed songs, same with Tv, same with just sitting there. I'd start jogging in place if I had to, anything to change my thoughts and my attention to something else. Exercise helps so much because it makes you feel better inside and out while burning off steam.. Writing out feelings helps just to get it unbottled because keeping it bottled up only hurts. This all eventually got me out of it..
Liz Mosby 6 years ago
When doing all this, from going to one action to another to change your attention, it gets ridiculous at first, but the more you do it, the less it happens. I'm 36 now and haven't had a panic attack since the 90s. Since my teen years.. I think some ppl really need medical help, but a lot of us just get too far in our heads and just don't know how to get out. But there is hope. and it does get better.
Load More Replies... Live Era Nemow 6 years ago
Play the game doki doki literature club. It will cure your depression.
Schrödinger's Dog 6 years ago
Also, it won't. There's literally a warning that says not to do it if you have depression.
Load More Replies...
I am avoiding my homework 4 years ago
My mom always tells me I hurt myself for attention When she says that it just makes me worse Also how come I relate to a ton of these
Lazy Panda 6 years ago
Friendly tip if anyone down here needs it: I’ve found that the urge to self harm gets stronger the more you think about it. When I feel like I might relapse I like to count how many 90 degree angles are in my bedroom, it’s easy and it works so if anyone down here was in the same position as me, don’t give up, seriously.
HooowlAtTheMoon 4 years ago
now im curious as to how many 90 degree angles there are in my bedroom
Load More Replies... Zori the degu 6 years ago
I have a classmate who thinks people with depression are just making it up and dramatising and this makes my blood boil, although she's just very stupid and doesn't understand anything. She thinks I'm dramatising too when she asks me what's wrong and I tell her that I just feel awfully sick for sitting in that bloody classroom and doing nothing while the world outside needs people like me, ready to sacrifice themselves to fix it. I'm thinking about it all the time, but sometimes my face goes even gloomier than usual and people start asking me what's wrong. I don't think I'm suffering from even the mildest form of depression(although many people I know swear it's odd to be attacked by such dark thoughts on regular basis), but I still feel obliged to defend and speak for such people as if they were my closest allies. I just feel that their reaction to this broken world is just so normal and understandable. For our current general situation is real damn bad.
Sow Ay (Post author) 6 years ago (edited)
You are not forced to be mentally ill to defend people with mental illness and actually I'm happy to read you're willing to do this ! If you think you have depression, you can still try to talk about it to a professional, that could maybe be recomforting.
Load More Replies... BusLady 6 years ago
Great article. I hope it encourages people to take steps to reaching out for professional help.
StealTheFruit 6 years ago
Method for not breaking down: Count back from 100 by 7s. I've done it so much, I'm fluent.
Bryanna Van Leeuwen 6 years ago
I don't have a mental illness, and based on these illustrations and posters around my school (they are very good at talking about issues like these), it seems like a terrible thing to deal with. I know some friends who have depression and anxiety, and they don't talk about it that much so I don't want to bring it up, but is there anything I can say whenever someone says something like "I was feeling so depressed" or "Anxiety, amiright" (some things they have said, and I do think they actually mean it)?
Kamryn McNamara 6 years ago
Some of them do truly mean it. Most likely they use humor to deflect it, so people don't notice. Just if they seem really down, touch their shoulder or stand or sit beside them, and tell them "It will get better eventually, stay strong". If they seem to be freaking out, like symptoms of a panic attack are breathing heavily or crying, it depends on the person. Just stand or sit beside them and if they are breathing very fast, take long, deep breaths. If they can hear your breathing they will start to slow their breathing down and calm down eventually. If you ever need more advice just ask, okay. I'll always respond. And if you just need a pal to talk to, vent to, I'm here.
Load More Replies... Liz Mosby 6 years ago
It sucks to have your mind completely consumed with sadness/fear/anxiousness/etc, with not even knowing why half the time. I never wanted to self harm, but I put on a mask for several years when I was younger. I was able to finally kick out the crazy. I got to the point where I couldn't hide it anymore and was either going to let it destroy me, or destroy it. I did it my own way, which was to completely change what I was doing at the very moment I felt that feeling in the pit of my stomach coming on. If it was a song I was listening to, and I started to feel it, I changed songs, same with Tv, same with just sitting there. I'd start jogging in place if I had to, anything to change my thoughts and my attention to something else. Exercise helps so much because it makes you feel better inside and out while burning off steam.. Writing out feelings helps just to get it unbottled because keeping it bottled up only hurts. This all eventually got me out of it..
Liz Mosby 6 years ago
When doing all this, from going to one action to another to change your attention, it gets ridiculous at first, but the more you do it, the less it happens. I'm 36 now and haven't had a panic attack since the 90s. Since my teen years.. I think some ppl really need medical help, but a lot of us just get too far in our heads and just don't know how to get out. But there is hope. and it does get better.
Load More Replies... Live Era Nemow 6 years ago
Play the game doki doki literature club. It will cure your depression.
Schrödinger's Dog 6 years ago
Also, it won't. There's literally a warning that says not to do it if you have depression.
Load More Replies... I am avoiding my homework 4 years ago
My mom always tells me I hurt myself for attention When she says that it just makes me worse Also how come I relate to a ton of these
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