“Remodel Our Back Yard”: Mom Begs Guests To Not Bring Any Gifts For Her Daughter’s 1st Birthday
Some parents love throwing their kids a birthday party, but there is a point where one might start to ask if the child in question is so young that this entire thing is actually for the adult. As it so often is the case, people online have very strong opinions on how others choose to parent.
A mom ended up going viral on TikTok after she decided to throw a less-than-traditional birthday for her one-year-old. This included an itinerary mostly for the parents and a request for cash donations in lieu of presents. We reached out to Rachel via email and will update the article when she gets back to us.
More info: TikTok
A mom sparked a debate when she described her one-year-olds “unusual” birthday party
Image credits: rachonlife
“Here’s a list of things I’m doing for my daughter’s first birthday party that I didn’t do for my son’s first birthday party, that are just a little bit not normal first birthday party things to be doing.”
Image credits: valevenezia / Envato Elements (not the actual photo)
“Number one – it’s at 9:30am. It’s only an hour and a half long. I literally put 9:30am to 11am on the invitation. I want you all to know, I don’t want you at my house all day. I’m giving you a set time. Like, I do not expect you to sacrifice your entire Saturday for a child’s birthday party who’s not even gonna remember it, right. And yeah, the end time – please leave my house on time, my child needs to nap. And anybody who’s coming to a one-year-old’s birthday party is already up at 9:30am, or they can suck it up for one day because it’s over at 11, you have your entire day.”
Image credits: Gaining Visuals / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
“Number two – we will not be serving a meal. It’s at 9:30 in the morning, please eat breakfast before you come. I will have some snacks and that’s it.”
Image credits: Josh Withers / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
“I’m not doing games. I’m not doing anything, really. This is going to be a very ’90s vibe birthday party where I have, like, a ball pit out and maybe some toys. I’ll put the Pickler triangle and the trampoline up outside and that’ll be that. We’re not doing games. I’m not… I am not spending money on this. I spent money to get the invitations printed and that’s it, but it’s not going to be an expensive party.”
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / Pexels (not the actual photo)
“I specifically very clearly put on the invitations “Please do not bring gifts”. We’re doing a Harry Potter-themed birthday party for her. Her name is Hazel Paige, so HP. I’m a big Harry Potter nerd, like it’s a whole thing. So for her birthday, on the invitation, I put like Hazy P is far from a house elf, so she needs no clothes. And then I said like she has more toys than Dudley Dursley on his birthday, or something like that.
Homegirl needs nothing. And then I said if you feel inclined to bring something, consider $5. Because we’re trying to remodel our backyard. We need to redo… Our backyard is a train wreck. Bring us five bucks to help us redo our backyard. That’s what we’re asking. But she does not need anything. And I am very picky. I don’t want you to buy s**t for my kids.”
Image credits: Kelsey Knight / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
“Also, we’re not serving alcohol. I know it’s pretty normal to serve booze at kids birthday parties these days. Like, we did it our son’s first birthday party and second birthday party. We had a frickin’ taco bar and margaritas for our son’s 2nd birthday party. But we don’t drink. So we do that for other people. But it’s 9:30 in the morning. I’m not even going to buy champagne. I was like I might get a bottle of wine but no, I’m not… I’m not doing it. There will be juice.”
Image credits: Rodrigo Souza / Pexels (not the actual photo)
“And I’m not doing cake. I’m not. It is, again, 9:30 in the morning. My son is a no-red-dye kid. I think he might have an allergy to it. I have a cousin who’s like a 30-year-old adult who has an allergy to red dye, he gets migraines and hives and s**t. Sorry, we were having some FOMO, but we’re not doing cakes. What I’m going to do is I’m gonna do like little coffee cakes and decorate them to look mandrakes because – Harry Potter. Yeah, that’s what we’re doing, because she’s not gonna remember it. She doesn’t need anything.”
You can view the full video here:
@rachonlife Cannot wait to celebrate HP’s first trip around the sun but I am not ready for her to grow up ❤️🩹 #rachonlife #firstbirthday #firstbirthdayparty #babybirthday ♬ original sound – rachel | mom stuff + lifestyle
Image credits: Jorge Ibanez / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Despite what some folks think, most birthday traditions are just made up in the first place
It’s a bit surprising to see people so up in arms about this particular celebration, as the entire idea of birthday traditions are, by and large, made up. Yes, actually celebrating the fact that a person, particularly a child has lived an entire year is good and widespread, but the actual “details” of the celebration look different everywhere and aren’t exactly enshrined in law. Just as naming conventions are different from place to place, so are the ways we celebrate.
For example, in much of the western world, a kid’s 16th birthday is almost as important (and celebrated) as the 18th, while in some Hispanic nations, it’s the 15th birthday that takes precedence. This is not to say that there is anything wrong with it, indeed, creating positive traditions is a sort of human superpower.
As with so many other things in the western world, the birthday celebration, in a rough form, originated in ancient Rome. However, the way we celebrate them now, with cake and parties, has its origins in the territory of 18th century Germany. This is when one would invite other children to a birthday party, not just family and friends of the family, which, let’s face it, a four year old wouldn’t care about at all.
In many other cultures, specific birthdays are considered important, generally requiring a certain kind of party, ritual and with its own slew of traditions. Unfortunately, this often means the parents taking over the planning and, generally, steamrolling the wishes and desires of the child who is, ostensibly, the cause for celebration.
Image credits: Askar Abayev / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Parent-inclusive birthday planning is a good thing
Instead, it should be a reminder to people that at the end of the day, birthdays are not some sacred ritual, but an excuse to celebrate and have fun. As Rachel mentions in this TikTok, a one-year-old will really not remember any of this. Some might ask why have a party at all, but why not? It’s just a nice excuse to socialize, have some food and just enjoy one’s time.
After all, particularly for new parents, one year with a baby is still a substantial amount of time, they deserve to throw themselves a little get together, even if it is in the same way as celebrating a one-year-olds birthday. This is why Rachel’s party-plan makes so much more sense, as it’s designed around the parents. Most parties boil down to being a free-for-all amongst the kids, with generally chaotic results for whoever is in charge of cleaning up afterwards.
While there was an outpouring of negative comments, the truth is that it’s actually quite considerate to plan a party that will in no way inconvenience the guests. Indeed, it’s downright strange for random internet commenters to have such strong opinions on a party they weren’t even invited to. Perhaps the actual guests can complain, but that doesn’t seem to be the case here.
Commenters had a lot to say
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I don't think she's that annoying. It bothers me to imagine why she thinks she needs to point these things out...like "everybody else" is doing that. I mean, a one year old's party that does not take sleeping patterns/nap times into consideration is very obviously NOT about that baby/toddler.
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....... so you're just going to invite ppl over to stand around in your kitchen for 1.5hrs w/out gifts to open? W/out food to eat? W/out a cake to eat? W/out any games or activities for the kids or the adults? You're not drinking or having an actual party.... so wtf are you going to do? Why not just .... have a party w/ you & the immediate family? Or don't have one at all? I'm so confused.
"And then I said if you feel inclined to bring something, consider $5. Because we’re trying to remodel our backyard. We need to redo… Our backyard is a train wreck. Bring us five bucks to help us redo our backyard. That’s what we’re asking." That's why OP wants the party - it's a miniature GoFundMe for her backyard XD
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For infant birthdays the party is for adults. A one year-old isn't going to remember and isn't aware that it's his birthday. Have parties as the kid gets older. There will be plenty of birthday cake in the future.
Yes, I would say save the money for when a child turns 18. That age is very significant. They can have a big party or maybe even a trip to mark this occasion. We only have one kid, but in our family when a child turns 18, it's taken on a city trip to a nearby country, such as Scotland, England, France, Germany, Italy, Austria or Spain.
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Because she wants family and friends to fund her backyard remodeling! (That she "NEEDS" to have, remember.)
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I didn’t watch the video but from what I read she seems very aggressive. I’m not doing this, I’m not doing that. You don’t need to explain yourself, just invite people & do what you want. Let the kids play in the backyard they won’t care there’s no games
I'm used to having a very simple cake and some coffee for a toddlers birthday party, usually someone else, in our family typically the godfather or godmother or the grandparents bring the cake and the parents only set the coffee table and brew coffee. The birthday child gets one or two new toys to play with and a cupcake to destroy. Usually some other parents with toddlers are invited, so the little ones can play. The rest of the 'party' is adults talking, eating cake and drinking coffee until the toddlers get tired and put to bed, then everyone is going home after helping to clean up the table while mommy puts the baby to bed. That's the most common way how people in this country celebrate their babies birthdays. Anything else only starts when the kid is old enough to understand what a birthday is and asks for certain things, like a special cake or something to do on their birthday. But even then children's birthday parties are far from what I typically see on the internet.
We have a pic of the bday party from when my brother got 1 year old in 1963. So cute. 3 kids with a party hat on and 1 candle on a pie. The neighbour kid was invited. That was the party.
Load More Replies... She sounds like she already hates her guests. Why bother with the 'party' at all?
Yeah like she's angry at the idea of people expecting normal party things.
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I wonder why she focuses on everything she won't do. If you invite someone, tell them what they can expect: Hi friend! It's our child's first birthday and we'll do a little something. Would you like to come over for a cup of tea and a fruit snack between 9.30 and 12.00?
Yes, that would have been a much more positive and fun take.
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I’m all about” you do you !” But she seems mad to me. Like I don’t even really want to be at this party in the 1st place but now you’re making me feel like you don’t want me there, so what are we doing ?
The first 2 birthdays are mostly for the family, kid won't remember them. Backyard fund is a bit rude though. Money for the kid's savings would be better.
On the other hand, the kid will spend at lot of time in their backyard...maybe she could have written something like " for the slide/swing xy (kid) will have fun using soon".
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Agree-it’s sounding like a playdate with adults included
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I don't get why everyone is so annoyed at this woman. The kid is one. She wants some of the child's friends over so they can have a playdate as something nice but small for her birthday. She's having snacks but not spending money on a full meal. She's not having alcohol because they're only there for 1.5 hrs and it's a one year olds birthday party. She's kept the party small so everyone can continue with their day and fit in around the nap times of all the children attending. She's not having a massive cake but she is having small ones. The only problem I find is that they can't bring presents for the child but they must bring presents for her
It sounds like she spent more time talking about all the things she wouldn't do than the things that she would do and that she seemed resentful about even needing to have a party. At least that's the gist I'm getting from the comments.
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All I’m gonna say is that I would not go, and if I did I would give the kid a present.
9:30 am and no cake? You don’t want to have this party so stop pretending and just cancel it.
I see nothing wrong with this - what is the issue? What objection do people have? I guess I'm just from an era when people just had basic get togethers for kids' parties and you didn't have to take out a second mortgage to rent bounce houses and buy everyone gifts to take home with them. The parties kids have today are out of hand. This baby will not even remember it.
At that time of the morning, you should have some sort of breakfast, just do pancakes with a little buffet of toppings.
Oooooo breakfast! *sits on the table, eagerly awaiting the bacon*
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Why have a party for a one year old? They don't understand and won't remember. The only thing they care about is the cake, which they're not getting. Just have a playdate for them, and get them cupcakes, and call it good. Have family/godparents over if they want to celebrate, and FFS, just say "gifts not expected" without making it a cash grap.
Every year I'm adamant I'm not doing treat bags. You're getting pizza. You're getting cake. You're getting snacks. THAT'S the "thank you for coming." Every year the day before kiddo's party my partner cracks and throws together treat bags with c**p like that off-off brand "fruit flavored" sugar powder that's all weird and bitter, and... Little plastic stamps? It's not better than nothing. Give them cake and a thank you and send them on their way.
What is with this new trend of BP "authors" changing their headlines a few hours after they post the article?
She can do whatever she wants. But she seems to feel the need to justify herself. She could call it a simple meetup with a few snacks. Her child obviously is too young to understand. So the party would be for her, her friends and the older children. As for myself, i‘d want my friends to have a great time. Plus i‘d want to have a great time myself. I love good food and chatting with my friends is so much nicer while eating and drinking. No need to spend tons of money. Yummy food, a few drinks and maybe ask other people to think of games for you. Everyone will be happy. Just IMO.
I wouldn't go, simply because the mom sounds like a rude, annoying beotch. By the way, sod your own damn backyard. It's your kids birthday. It's NOT for you to gain from. Just don't invite anyone over, and have a family birthday. No biggie. But, PLEASE, great over yourself!!
I agree with her idea. A 1 year old isnt going to remmber a huge bash. Her approach is annoying tho, along with the cash thing for the yard.
this isn't 'unusual' - it practical. because, as she states, the child isn't going to remember it. i never did anything really big for birthdays in regard to parties. if there was something that my son wanted to do special then i would plan for that. it was kind of 'his' day...within reason, of course. maybe my family is just weird but never have done big things for birthdays.
I never had kids, but it gave me a lot of pleasure to plan and buy something wonderful for my niece.
At what age? At one, it's really for the adults. At five, it's super cute to plan according to the kid's wish.
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first Birthday is more a chilled family brunch than a big party- an ability to the close ones enjoy time with the little one. we told everyone, what we may need for the kid, let the old grannies their sparkle in their eyes gifting the third teddy- didn't kill me and years later they were spend to social npos- the teddies not the grannies 🤪
I don't understand why she feels obliged to throw a party at all. Sure, if she really wants to celebrate, throw a party... but what she is proposing doesn't feel like a party, so why bother. Seems like she is fighting against social pressure to do it, but not going far enough. If she wants to acknowledge her daughter's 1st birthday, have a few people over and serve cake... no need to do all the rest, and as for 9.30 am... that's not a party.
We're like the commenter who said they just do something special with the kids. We've done zoo trips, planetarium, museums, etc when we could afford it. When we can't, they get to invite one friend for a sleepover, and we order pizza and the birthday kid gets to choose dessert.
When I was a child, the standard way to celebrate birthdays was the child's mother made tasty sandwiches and got a nice birthday cake. The child would invite some friends, and they all played board games. Nobody expected special games, bouncy castles, clowns or anything of the kind.
I completely agree, i'd definitely rock up with 5 bucks or more and guava juice 😃 since it's 9h30, it's sounds more than reasonable. No need to waste money into frivolous bouncy castles, face painting etc. Cake would be nice but op has something in the likes so I don't see what the problem is.
Also, it's a 1 year old birthday. What does the baby get out of it 😆
Load More Replies... Dang everyone’s so mad that this lady isn’t having a full bar at a one year olds bday party 😂😂
Dang absolutely no one is actually mad about it.
Load More Replies... So you read this story and thought "Let's bash the US for no reason!" 🤨
Load More Replies... I don't think she's that annoying. It bothers me to imagine why she thinks she needs to point these things out...like "everybody else" is doing that. I mean, a one year old's party that does not take sleeping patterns/nap times into consideration is very obviously NOT about that baby/toddler.
Load More Replies... ....... so you're just going to invite ppl over to stand around in your kitchen for 1.5hrs w/out gifts to open? W/out food to eat? W/out a cake to eat? W/out any games or activities for the kids or the adults? You're not drinking or having an actual party.... so wtf are you going to do? Why not just .... have a party w/ you & the immediate family? Or don't have one at all? I'm so confused.
"And then I said if you feel inclined to bring something, consider $5. Because we’re trying to remodel our backyard. We need to redo… Our backyard is a train wreck. Bring us five bucks to help us redo our backyard. That’s what we’re asking." That's why OP wants the party - it's a miniature GoFundMe for her backyard XD
Load More Replies... For infant birthdays the party is for adults. A one year-old isn't going to remember and isn't aware that it's his birthday. Have parties as the kid gets older. There will be plenty of birthday cake in the future.
Yes, I would say save the money for when a child turns 18. That age is very significant. They can have a big party or maybe even a trip to mark this occasion. We only have one kid, but in our family when a child turns 18, it's taken on a city trip to a nearby country, such as Scotland, England, France, Germany, Italy, Austria or Spain.
Load More Replies... Because she wants family and friends to fund her backyard remodeling! (That she "NEEDS" to have, remember.)
Load More Replies... I didn’t watch the video but from what I read she seems very aggressive. I’m not doing this, I’m not doing that. You don’t need to explain yourself, just invite people & do what you want. Let the kids play in the backyard they won’t care there’s no games
I'm used to having a very simple cake and some coffee for a toddlers birthday party, usually someone else, in our family typically the godfather or godmother or the grandparents bring the cake and the parents only set the coffee table and brew coffee. The birthday child gets one or two new toys to play with and a cupcake to destroy. Usually some other parents with toddlers are invited, so the little ones can play. The rest of the 'party' is adults talking, eating cake and drinking coffee until the toddlers get tired and put to bed, then everyone is going home after helping to clean up the table while mommy puts the baby to bed. That's the most common way how people in this country celebrate their babies birthdays. Anything else only starts when the kid is old enough to understand what a birthday is and asks for certain things, like a special cake or something to do on their birthday. But even then children's birthday parties are far from what I typically see on the internet.
We have a pic of the bday party from when my brother got 1 year old in 1963. So cute. 3 kids with a party hat on and 1 candle on a pie. The neighbour kid was invited. That was the party.
Load More Replies... She sounds like she already hates her guests. Why bother with the 'party' at all?
Yeah like she's angry at the idea of people expecting normal party things.
Load More Replies... I wonder why she focuses on everything she won't do. If you invite someone, tell them what they can expect: Hi friend! It's our child's first birthday and we'll do a little something. Would you like to come over for a cup of tea and a fruit snack between 9.30 and 12.00?
Yes, that would have been a much more positive and fun take.
Load More Replies... I’m all about” you do you !” But she seems mad to me. Like I don’t even really want to be at this party in the 1st place but now you’re making me feel like you don’t want me there, so what are we doing ?
The first 2 birthdays are mostly for the family, kid won't remember them. Backyard fund is a bit rude though. Money for the kid's savings would be better.
On the other hand, the kid will spend at lot of time in their backyard...maybe she could have written something like " for the slide/swing xy (kid) will have fun using soon".
Load More Replies... Agree-it’s sounding like a playdate with adults included
Load More Replies... I don't get why everyone is so annoyed at this woman. The kid is one. She wants some of the child's friends over so they can have a playdate as something nice but small for her birthday. She's having snacks but not spending money on a full meal. She's not having alcohol because they're only there for 1.5 hrs and it's a one year olds birthday party. She's kept the party small so everyone can continue with their day and fit in around the nap times of all the children attending. She's not having a massive cake but she is having small ones. The only problem I find is that they can't bring presents for the child but they must bring presents for her
It sounds like she spent more time talking about all the things she wouldn't do than the things that she would do and that she seemed resentful about even needing to have a party. At least that's the gist I'm getting from the comments.
Load More Replies... All I’m gonna say is that I would not go, and if I did I would give the kid a present.
9:30 am and no cake? You don’t want to have this party so stop pretending and just cancel it.
I see nothing wrong with this - what is the issue? What objection do people have? I guess I'm just from an era when people just had basic get togethers for kids' parties and you didn't have to take out a second mortgage to rent bounce houses and buy everyone gifts to take home with them. The parties kids have today are out of hand. This baby will not even remember it.
At that time of the morning, you should have some sort of breakfast, just do pancakes with a little buffet of toppings.
Oooooo breakfast! *sits on the table, eagerly awaiting the bacon*
Load More Replies... Why have a party for a one year old? They don't understand and won't remember. The only thing they care about is the cake, which they're not getting. Just have a playdate for them, and get them cupcakes, and call it good. Have family/godparents over if they want to celebrate, and FFS, just say "gifts not expected" without making it a cash grap.
Every year I'm adamant I'm not doing treat bags. You're getting pizza. You're getting cake. You're getting snacks. THAT'S the "thank you for coming." Every year the day before kiddo's party my partner cracks and throws together treat bags with c**p like that off-off brand "fruit flavored" sugar powder that's all weird and bitter, and... Little plastic stamps? It's not better than nothing. Give them cake and a thank you and send them on their way.
What is with this new trend of BP "authors" changing their headlines a few hours after they post the article?
She can do whatever she wants. But she seems to feel the need to justify herself. She could call it a simple meetup with a few snacks. Her child obviously is too young to understand. So the party would be for her, her friends and the older children. As for myself, i‘d want my friends to have a great time. Plus i‘d want to have a great time myself. I love good food and chatting with my friends is so much nicer while eating and drinking. No need to spend tons of money. Yummy food, a few drinks and maybe ask other people to think of games for you. Everyone will be happy. Just IMO.
I wouldn't go, simply because the mom sounds like a rude, annoying beotch. By the way, sod your own damn backyard. It's your kids birthday. It's NOT for you to gain from. Just don't invite anyone over, and have a family birthday. No biggie. But, PLEASE, great over yourself!!
I agree with her idea. A 1 year old isnt going to remmber a huge bash. Her approach is annoying tho, along with the cash thing for the yard.
this isn't 'unusual' - it practical. because, as she states, the child isn't going to remember it. i never did anything really big for birthdays in regard to parties. if there was something that my son wanted to do special then i would plan for that. it was kind of 'his' day...within reason, of course. maybe my family is just weird but never have done big things for birthdays.
I never had kids, but it gave me a lot of pleasure to plan and buy something wonderful for my niece.
At what age? At one, it's really for the adults. At five, it's super cute to plan according to the kid's wish.
Load More Replies... first Birthday is more a chilled family brunch than a big party- an ability to the close ones enjoy time with the little one. we told everyone, what we may need for the kid, let the old grannies their sparkle in their eyes gifting the third teddy- didn't kill me and years later they were spend to social npos- the teddies not the grannies 🤪
I don't understand why she feels obliged to throw a party at all. Sure, if she really wants to celebrate, throw a party... but what she is proposing doesn't feel like a party, so why bother. Seems like she is fighting against social pressure to do it, but not going far enough. If she wants to acknowledge her daughter's 1st birthday, have a few people over and serve cake... no need to do all the rest, and as for 9.30 am... that's not a party.
We're like the commenter who said they just do something special with the kids. We've done zoo trips, planetarium, museums, etc when we could afford it. When we can't, they get to invite one friend for a sleepover, and we order pizza and the birthday kid gets to choose dessert.
When I was a child, the standard way to celebrate birthdays was the child's mother made tasty sandwiches and got a nice birthday cake. The child would invite some friends, and they all played board games. Nobody expected special games, bouncy castles, clowns or anything of the kind.
I completely agree, i'd definitely rock up with 5 bucks or more and guava juice 😃 since it's 9h30, it's sounds more than reasonable. No need to waste money into frivolous bouncy castles, face painting etc. Cake would be nice but op has something in the likes so I don't see what the problem is.
Also, it's a 1 year old birthday. What does the baby get out of it 😆
Load More Replies... Dang everyone’s so mad that this lady isn’t having a full bar at a one year olds bday party 😂😂
Dang absolutely no one is actually mad about it.
Load More Replies... So you read this story and thought "Let's bash the US for no reason!" 🤨
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