Dad Catches 13 Y.O. Daughter Lying After She Fails To Introduce Her Date, Tells Her To Text Him And Call It Off
Parenting isn’t easy, period. However, it’s particularly tricky when you’re the only one responsible for your offspring.
First and foremost, you can never be fully prepared to care for another person. You won’t wake up in the middle of the night and suddenly realize that you’ve already experienced all life has to offer and will be a natural at raising children – frankly speaking, it’s a journey that everyone just wings.
There will be some things that you won’t know how to do, and it’s likely that you’ll also spend a significant deal of time wondering if you’re doing a decent job as a parent – but let’s face it, you’re not the first one, and you most certainly won’t be the last.
Living with a teenager under your roof is a job and a half, but it’s in your best interest to remember that bickering is unavoidable and, in fact, absolutely normal.
More info: Reddit
You know what they say: “Parenting is the most rewarding, exhausting, exhilarating ride of your life”
Image credits: Nathan Smith (not the actual image)
“AITA for making my daughter cancel her date?” – this web user turned to one of Reddit’s most judgmental communities, asking its members whether he’s indeed a jerk for telling his 13-year-old to cancel her date after she refused to let him meet her potential boyfriend. The post managed to garner nearly 10K upvotes as well as 2.8K comments discussing the situation.
Single dad ponders if he’s indeed a jerk for asking teen to introduce her date before going out and then demanding her to cancel it when she refused
Image source: u/Downtow_Ant_1320
The man began his post by revealing that he’s been a single dad for nearly a decade; his beloved daughter is 13 years old, and she’s the apple of his eye.
Recently, she said that a boy in her class asked her out on a pizza date on the weekend, and since they don’t really do anything for Thanksgiving, the author of the post didn’t mind it. Now, the man did tell her that he wanted to meet the boy – however, his daughter got visibly annoyed and began asking why.
The post’s creator reassured his offspring that it wouldn’t be some kind of “dad interrogates boyfriend and acts all scary” type of thing and that he just wanted to meet him and say hi. The daughter finally agreed and they moved on.
When the author’s daughter revealed to him that she’d been asked on a pizza date, he told her that he wanted to meet the boy
Image source: u/Downtow_Ant_1320
Image credits: Surprising_Shots (not the actual image)
Image source: u/Downtow_Ant_1320
The day of the date came around and the man saw his daughter heading towards the door, so he stopped her and asked where the youngster was. She said that he was waiting outside, adding that they’d be riding their bikes to the pizza place. Of course, the author of the post pondered why her date wasn’t coming inside, to which the child began making up excuses.
Initially, she said that he was just frightened and unsure of what to say to him, but she quickly changed her story and said that she didn’t see why he had to meet him. The father explained why, once again, and asked her to go get him.
The 13-year-old then broke down and told the author that she’d lied to him. Turns out, she never mentioned it to her date because she believed that it was “stupid” that her father wanted to know what kind of boy his child was planning on hanging out with.
At first, she agreed – however, when the day of the date came around, she started to make up excuses
Image source: u/Downtow_Ant_1320
The man instructed her to call off the date, and after a brief attempt at an argument, the girl stormed off to her room. When the author reached out to his sister to explain what had happened, she thought he was in the wrong and should have just allowed his kid to go on the date.
She eventually admitted that she had never told her date because she thought it was “stupid,” so the author told her to text him that the date was off
Image credits: Heather (not the actual image)
Nothing in life compares to an understanding and supportive parent-child relationship. However, this journey is among one of the hardest ones, meaning that getting away from occasional bumps in the road is a mission impossible – let alone when you’re a single parent!
What do you think about this situation? What would you have done differently if you were in the author’s shoes?
Fellow community members shared their thoughts on this situation
Well, sometimes "13 year old" boyfriends of 13 year old girls turn out to be 30 year old incels, so...
Yes that was my first thought, unfortunately. He could have walked out and met him though
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One of my brothers had an experience like this. My niece was only 14, and would lie that she was out with her group of girl friends when she was actually meeting her “boyfriend”. One day, thinking my brother wasn’t home, “boyfriend” showed up outside the house to pick her up for a date. In his CAR! He was 18! My brother went right out to see who he was, and when he found out, he read him the riot act and threatened to have him arrested and put on the pedophile register since he was an adult and she was still a child. So yeah, Dad has every right to cancel the date if he can’t meet the guy taking his ONLY daughter out. Same would apply if he had a son and couldn’t meet the girl, who could also be way too old, going out for pizza with his son. Remember, 18 year olds can also ride bikes to the pizza parlor. Dad was only listening to his Spidey sense here, and could’ve been right to be concerned. When it comes to children, it’s always better to err on the side of caution, because the alternative is too horrible to think about.
You're absolutely right. I worked as a counselor in a lockdown treatment facility for girls 13-18 years old when my daughters came of age to date. So I think it made my senses feel more heightened by the knowledge of my work experience, but I tried very hard to not let it cloud my perception of my daughters behavior and I think I did well. My eyes were definitely open to the possibilities that could befall them though. Fortunately their boyfriends didn't drive and I did most of the transportation for them to go out on dates and visit each others homes, but they didn't "date" until they were 15 and this was almost 15 years ago now. We definitely had to know who they were going to be out with. They also went out with friend groups earlier, to which we delivered and picked up. After my childhood also I just had to keep a bit closer eye on my children.
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is his sister a moron? she expects dad to let the daughter go on a date with a guy that he's never met, heard of or even seen before? is she in cloud coo-coo land where pedos dont exist or something?
You would think as a woman, the sister would be warry about 13 year old boys. I mean come on,... Everyone at this point knows how gross 13 year old boys are.
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Yea I agree. It’s one thing to like someone at that age but going out? It also seems weird because you can’t drive so most of the time your parents have to take you..
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My first thought is that date is a lot older than 13 and rightfully afraid to meet dad
Same, and/or trouble in (an)other way(s). Most likely I'd guess.
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The fact that she didn't text the date and have him come to the door says a lot IMO. That's not how you behave when you have nothing to hide and have a parent that won't raise hell over anything.
Recipe for things to go sideways. You have no info to tell the police and they can't help you. So many things that could go wrong and when it does, you have that stupid comment of "hindsight is 20/20"--how about not being so blind now. There's that unknown scary stuff that crops up that reduces the blunders after the fact. There are 'kids' /teenagers that are involved in bad accidents and are unrecognized and at 13 have no ids either. The long hours to find them. I've known 2 cases where girls were hit by a car while walking along the road. The heartache when the police don't know who/how to get the news to the folks. So even if the dad were to contact the authorities, does he have the facts to locate her in a timely manner? She lies about 1 fact, what about the other 4 that dad relied on being right ? Was she going to that pizza joint with a 13 y.o. boy on a bike and be home at 7, then to be faced with a 18 y.o. with a car going out to a place 3-7 miles out and home at 8:15.
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I could understand the daughter being uncomfortable with introducing her friend if OP was just an all around asshat (I hid a relationship for 7 months before telling my family, as I wasn't sure it was safe to tell them). But OP's tone seem really chill, honestly. He didn't seem pushy or snoopy or anything. Even if it isn't a "real date", she's a middle schooler. He has every right to know who she's with and why and all that. She isn't in a situation that warrants secrecy, though. It's uncomfortable, yes. But it beats all the other dangerous scenarios.
Sure. He was PERFECTLY CHILL... in his RETELLING of the story. But then again, he rushed right over to Reddit to post (humble-brag) about how he punished his wayward daughter and ruined her first date. And then received all the applause and validation he wanted. So how chill could he REALLY have been with the idea of his 13yr old daughter dating boys?
Load More Replies... Introducing a date to parents is only polite and considerate. Sez an old fart. ;)
At 13 I would expect to meet all friends of my child before letting them ride off to get pizza or whatever. I'd also want to meet the parents if my child was going to spend substantial time at the other child's home. But then, I'd oppose real dating at 13. Grabbing a slice of pizza, ok. Going mini golf, ok. But not a real date. Depending on maturity, somewhere around 16 I wouldn't be so strict about a casual grab a slice of pizza thing and let the child choose when I should meet friends and SO's. I would also encourage my child to invite them to dinner and leave them to watch a movie or whatever with minimal interruptions, just enough that both are aware they can be walked in on, but private enough that they can relax and enjoy each other's company without worrying about being spied upon.
I agree with most of what you said, however I'm confused what differentiates mini golf or grabbing a bite together from a real date? Those sound like real dates to me. I'm 36 and I would totally consider mini golf a real date. Same for a bike ride and some pizza. Actually, those sound like great dates.
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It's okay to have daughter hating you, than be trafficked or dead. Very responsible dad. Without meeting the boy, how will anyone know whether he is who his daughter thinks the guy is? Better to be safe than sorry. If it's a harmless pizza date, it's okay to introduce friends or otherwise to parents. NTA.
Boys get trafficked too. She should have to meet his parents too.
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I would have walked to the car, introduced myself and then explained to him the date was off and why. How he reacts determines if she will see him again or not. Be fair, be consistent and be honest. It's worked well so far.
You're exactly right, and that extra step would've said so much about what was going on with his daughter and the boy who was supposed to be waiting on his bicycle. I think it would have been important to know if the rest of her story to her father was true or not since she lied about telling the boy that he needed to meet her father and told her father that he would be doing so. I never had a problem telling my parents where I was going or letting them see who I was with, so it does seem shady to me that she didn't want him to come to meet her dad. There's so many scenarios that she could have planned out, lied about her age to him, lied about both their ages, could be doing something else all together, and he could have been a 13 year old boy who was expecting to get pizza, but dad will never know now. He could have met the boy as you said and made different arrangements for them after explaining why it didn't work out that day.
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Wow I can't believe some of the comments telling the dad he was wrong for wanting to meet his daughter's date. Clearly they have never been a parent of a teenager. It's Dad's job to know who she's hanging out with. Those bashing the dad are the same ones that would be on the local news crying because their child has gone missing smdh.
As an alternative, maybe the daughter is meeting another girl for a date...I've come across this recently where a daughter was afraid to come out to her parents and refused to tell her parents about the person she hung out with after school...after lots of "red flags", it just turned out to be an innocent budding romance between two embarased teenage girls....talk about an eye roll moment....I found the best thing to do is sit down at a table and listen to the kids tell me why they're so embarrassed
Even if, the dad would still have to meet her. Or, the daughter could lie and say she's just a friend, not the best idea though.
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I'm really conflicted with this one, part of me is screaming stranger danger, of course he should insist on meeting him then this other part remembers that when my dad tried to tell 13 year old me what i could and couldn't do i left out my window in the middle of the night, started shooting heroin to spite him and his rules and he didnt see me again till i was 22. So in that instance his rules that he reasoned were to keep me safe and insure i got into MIT or the like instead caused me to drop out of the 9th grade and spend my teenage years in the company of prostitutes and gangsters. True story. So im gonna go with nta for wanting to meeting the kid ITA for making her cancel instead of just walking her out for an impromptu hello . But realistically if it was some pedo creep that you wouldnt approve of she woulda probably asked to fo hang out with a friend you already know and then go to meet him, she wouldn't offer up any info at all if it was inappropriate to date him
I remember a guy once yelling out to my sisters name to come out. Mum reminded her she was not a dog, and if he respected her he would come to the door and knock.
Good parenting 👍. Your sister and daughter needs to sit down & watch some true crime shows. Keep it up. She will thank you in the end
I am an old fuddy duddy but I would not let my 13 year old date in any way shape or form.
I'm not saying you're wrong, but.. You could just as easy go outside and introduce yourself to him. .. Show him how it's supposed to go down.
Exactly! I'm shocked nobody is thinking of this easy solution. Like if I was the dad I would have said "hey tell your date to come in or the date is off" and if the daughter refuses then you go outside, introduce yourself and then you can introduce yourself and then decide from there whether or not the date is off. Or tell the boy "hey my daughter was supposed to tell you this but she didn't so unfortunately the date is off". Like he's not an a*****e, he's asking the right thing but how hard would it be to go outside and see too.
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NTA!!! Kids lie a lot about everything! The 13-year-old can SAY this is a boy from her class, but is he really?? And going out on their bikes, while not inherently wrong, they can get far out of sight, ditch the bikes somewhere and hop in a waiting vehicle driven by an adult. Next thing, she goes missing, an APB is put out, dad's worried sick, then he gets the worst possible news of his life that his little girl is gone, murdered by that adult with the "classmate" being an accessory! Dad is just doing his job acting as gatekeeper to his little girl, THAT'S why he asked to meet the "classmate"!! She may hate dad now, but eventually, she'll see that he only had her best interests at heart!!
Holy s*** they just want to go eat some pizza & you've got her murdered in a ditch. Jesus.
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If you're a female and you thought the father is wrong wtf is wrong with you? with as many young girls that get picked up and raped or sold into sex trafficking you going to tell a good father he was in the wrong the child is 13 to young to date honestly. None of them are really mature enough these days,dating these days automatically means something serious to these young people have two f dates and be acting like you married and belong to each other. Heck that "boy" could be 25 or older who knows if you don't take a look at them
I don't think he is an a*** for wanting to know who is her date, but I also think he should have handle it more properly: maybe is a date for her but the guy is juat her friend, and she is nervous about it. The father should have just introduced himself casually like "hi nice to meet you friend of my daugther". These times, a mother is really missing in the family kkkkk Your daughter is just afraid you would say something strange like relationship, love, whasover. I had also the same fear when I was her age: I couldn't talk to a friend who was a boy for too long my dather would start complain about how "easy" I was. Once I went to an marriage and went upstairs to talk to some friends of mine with my brother, he started yelling saying to me to get out of there because he thought I was alone with a guy, I was 17. So embarassed. I only date once when I was 18 and it was hell. Never again. You are definetely NTA for waiting to meet your daughters' date, I would do the same. But you+++
Should have handle it better than just "call it off". Now your daughter won't trust you, maybe she didn't trust you because you already made some of those things because you failed to understand her. Go there, have a talk to her and say you just want to meet whoever she is seeing and make sure she understand you won't throw her and the guy under the bus and will treat him like her friend. Just it. She will feel safe. You are a man and she is a girl, she ofc will have difficulties talking to you about those things. She think you don't trust her either. If I was in her situation at 13 yrs old I would probably call my date off myself because you remember so much of my dad. Listen to your sister and fix that, your mission is to EDUCATE and UNDERSTAND your child. Or else, she will become like me: a 21 yrs old virgin who is afraid of relationships and men and it's probably going to die alone. My dad now understand me and tries to make up his past mistakes, but the damage is already done.
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Kids disappear every day in this country. When are people going to step up and be parents. You are not your kids best friend, you're their parents! ACT LIKE IT!!! It's to late when kid is missing.
It's a case of ESH. The young lady lied, end of discussion and should not have gone. HOEVER, I would have stuck my head outside, looked at him, waved him over, and offered some sort of greeting and said to come back when she's not grounded. You definitely should not let your child go anywhere with someone you do not know minor or not.
Wow, I was not allowed to go anywhere alone until I was 18 without a family member joining us (I know that is usually not the norm but I was able to go with my female cousin that was older and actually my friend ). I used to be so mad and upset but now that I am older (36 and married) I totally understand and am so grateful for the way I was raised. Back then in the mid 2000's computers and social media are not what it is now (wayyyyyy worse now). All that to say Dad is definitely NTA. I would be okay with my teenage daughter disliking me for awhile if it would mean that my child was safe..... EDITED to add-- I have 2 young sons and I still feel that I would treat them the same exact way if they were girls.
"...if they were girls." WOW Why differentiate? Why not do it to your sons too? ETA--- well I see you edited your comment, AFTER I replied. For the record, your original comment read: that you have 2 sons, but you would do the same thing...IF THEY WERE GIRLS.
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do any of you commenting have kids? Yeah he's TA. Dude I get you want to meet the kid and absolutely have every right to do so before allowing your daughter to be around him but it was your daughters fault that she didn't tell him and how do you know if she had told him he may have actually been a good guy and been fine with it, now because you overreacted and made her cancel he most likely won't want to try with her in fear that you're way too protective which is fair. What you should have done is tell her that she will be punished for lying to you but that you will meet him before she goes with him and if she respects you she will do it and you could have just gone out there yourself and met him. So yes you could have done more than canceling her date, yes she does deserve some form of punishment for the lie but you're walking a fine line with your daughter n your relationship with her by a reaction like that. I have kids and I'll say from expirence do not do this parents.
Something tells me Darren is the adult that was trying to take this 13 y/o out...
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I don't think this father is in the wrong. How is the father suppose to know or not if the girl met this guy online.
13 is young to be dating. Parents shouldn't be going the shotgun route, but they do need to be looking out for her welfare - which means knowing who they're with, and where they're going. Dad wanting to be introduced to the guy a is sensible precaution. If he's 13 and it's two kids having pizza, then it's "Hi, and you two have fun". If saying hi to Dad is a deal breaker for the guy, then that's a red flag. At 13, the daughter is probrably in high school. A 'guy she met at school' could be 17 or 18, and 13 year old girls can sometimes be convinced that it's flattering that an 18 year old wants to date them, instead of recognising that the guy is a predator.
She would eventually have to meet his. And you asking to just meet the boy is basic good manners. The boy should have taken it upon himself to come to the door for her. As a gentleman.
NTA. He did what any good dad would do. In today's world, the kidnappings of children is as high as rent, utilities, car gas, and car notes combined. If my daughter is LYING to me about her date not wanting to meet me, I will not be taking chances with her safety. Red alarms would be going off in my head. I would cancel that date so fast, you wouldn't believe it. And after canceling said date, I would go and find the guy, just to make sure that he is actually a boy around her age (my offspring will not be dating at the age of 13), and let him know that the date is off until she's not grounded anymore, and me, him, and his parents meet officially. Me and the boy don't have to meet in my house. We could greet on the front porch, the front yard, the garage pathway, the sidewalk in front of my house, etc. I'm not about to let some boy that I have never seen before, heard of before, or even met before take my daughter on any outing. The dad should've went to see him anyway.
You absolutely did the right thing. It is our responsibility as parents to protect our children and that includes protecting them from themselves. Good luck Raising teenagers is hard. You will question every decision you make.
If course you shouldn't let your 13 year old go anywhere with people you haven't met. Date or otherwise, but teenagers especially young teenagers are strange creatures and something like this could have a lasting impact. Personally I would have given her a 2nd chance to bring the kid to the door, but that's just me.
Me too. "Either text him to come to the door, or text him that you're not going! Your choice kiddo."
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Dad is definitely NTA. His sister, however, is living in Never-Never Land. Did she seriously not see anything wrong with a 15-year-old girl going on a date with some guy her father hasn't met?
Dating at 13 and you're OK with that?!! No. Too young, even for pizza! I couldn't date until I was 16 and DEFINITELY they had to meet my parents, or I didn't go anywhere. Had a girl in our neighborhood that was unalived on a date her parents never met or even knew what car he drove. It is still unsolved 35 years later.
You are her parent. Knowing where she is and who she's with is your job. If the boy was outside he could easily have stepped inside and introduced himself. The fact that she didn't appear to want you to meet him says to me that she had something else to hide. Like maybe this "boy" was actually much older. You were absolutely in the right.
NTA. This Dad was VERY reasonable. My mom would have wanted to meet him and his parents, make sure she had all phone numbers and the addresses of where he lives. ALL information, including exactly where we were going and where we would go afterward followed by a strict, early, early curfew. My mom was the one actually interrogating my boyfriends and asking probably way more stuff that was not really relevant of her business. If this Dad's daughter didn't lie in the first place it wouldn't have been so bad for her. She might've been able to go on her date. I know when I lied to my mom I was grounded.
Good on dad, I definitely wouldn't let my kids (bith sexes) go out on a date without meeting them. It's just not safe, 13 years old is not old enough to make safe decisions... mind you some people are never old enough
Yea but.. what if he's like 30? Or what if the boy is a girl and she's afraid what her dad or other people will think of her? Or what he's like a 30 year old woman. Or what if it's even worse than that. I mean there's very little context here to deduce a "correct" decision. And by correct, I mean one that is in the BEST interest of ALL parties involved. A key sign that there is a particularly valid reason she refuses to introduce them is the fact that she lied to her dad's face according to her dad in this specific instance, and then cracked under pressure immediately and changed her reasoning to something vague and ambiguous. She was nervous about something.
Who has been around that child more than you? Nobody. aka nobody actually knows her anywhere near as much as you do. I.e. nobody else should be trusted to make decisions about her other than you. 😉
Idk why he couldn't have gone outside to meet the kid along with the daughter, it would have solved some things then the daughter could be grounded or loose privileges later for lying (or whatever is acceptable consequence). But I don't begrudge the dad wanting to meet the kid at all, neither would i for if the kid was scared or nervous but the daughter shouldn't have lied to her father about telling him. No judgement from me for his question, parenting is hard, and I feel for all sides here.
I feel pretty confident that the supposed kid was never out front. Granted, this is just an assumption, but you are also making an assumption that he was actually out there.
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Jeeze. I was guilted by friends and family alike to have a boyfriend at 14. He was a total tool! Lasted 3 weeks... Then he asked out my friend (who happened to have the same legal name as me) and acted like we had never met... And he did this in front of me. All because I didn't want to kiss him.... My parents said he was a "nice guy", but he was just a d**k. Once he had his "first girl" he immediately wanted more. She turned him down in stunning mannar and we both had a laugh, very much at his expense! He acted like he was entitled to me and when I would tell him "no" he'd say I was "his b*tch" and had to do what he said. I never listened to him and even punched him once when he tried to force me to kiss him. That's prob why he tried to go for my friend. If one don't work...maybe the other will? NOPE! In short, op...NTA!
I think people on reddit and here are forgetting how young teens are. I was incredibly embarrassed at that age to tell my mom about boys I liked or dated. My mom is one of the most open-minded people I know, but still as a teen it feels awkward. You're figuring things out and are experiencing feelings and emotions you've never felt before. I understand why the daughter didn't tell the boy that her dad wanted to meet him. It feels a bit embarrassing and intimidating. I don't think the dad is the A'hole for wanting to meet the kid, but I think he could've handled it better by stepping outside himself and meet the kid. His daughter will keep her dates a secret from now on, which is even more dangerous! Also people please learn to read before commenting jeez. People are still attacking the boy when he wasn't even aware of the situation.
How does this make him an AH? When I was 13, my grandmother wanted to meet my friends and their parents. I couldn't go anywhere with them without her meeting them. The same thing happened when it came to dates, my grandmother wanted to meet them. If I refused, I couldn't leave the house and go anywhere with them. Safety is important, that's why she always wanted to know where I was and who I was with.
She was a little worried that dad might not approve of her 40 year old date.
I think his sister had that opinion because when she was a girl she would likely have hated her parents doing this. It's also even more NTA because the girl lied about asking him to meet
Lol, she blatantly lied to him and he's confused if he's in the right. Bro, don't overthink it. Your sister probably got pregnant at 13 and compulsively lies for fun. Probably whispers dumb, perverted s**t to your daughter for laughs. I'd advise never asking her for advice on anything, first off. Secondly, keep it up. Liars must be punished and you wanted a simple thing.
13 year old daughter probably just saw her dad's request as some ancient, old-fashioned, sexist, tradition, leftover from the 50's. And was too embarrassed to tell the boy that he had to meet her father before she could go eat some pizza. In that case Dad should have just walked out front with his daughter, gone up to the boy, introduced himself and shook his hand. That would have been a better way to handle it. Then he could look at his daughter and say, "Now that's how it's done." Girls these days are just not putting up with the same kind of double-standard that we were subjected to when we were their age. And yes she probably thinks it's a sexist double standard because his parents didn't insist they meet her. After all 13-year-old boys are in just as much danger as 13-year-old girls.
I might be REALLY old fashioned here, but I'm not entirely sure I would let my 13 year old "date" just yet...and if I did, I would make sure I knew as much as I could about the kid right down to their favorite color. I'm not here to be my kids friend and they have only have these remaining childhood years once. They go fast. Anyone who tells this guy that he's the AH must have never seen an episode of Dateline..
She's 13 FFS. You did the exact correct thing. The fact you had to ask complete (sometimes idiots like your sister) strangers tells me you have spent entirely too much of your life listening to what our s****y society thinks is correct. It's not. 15 or 16 is maybe the correct age to be dating, not 13. She has zero idea of what young men like I used to be are capable of.
Dating replaced courtship which was all about finding a spouse. Young girls are easily influenced and easily coerced. Set 16 as the age she can start dating and spend the next 3 years giving her the tools to deal with the pressure and the coersion... As a former teenage boy you should be better able to teach her what to look for. You're her dad not her bestie and it is your job to protect her, teach her and turn her into a decent human being that a man would be proud to marry.
He’s not being unreasonable in asking to meet the boy - he’s being a good father. She’s going to be a handful during these teen years it sounds like. Good luck dad!
NTA Dad. You did the right thing. I may be old fashioned, but what 13 year old gets to dictate what you can and cannot do as a parent? She's lucky she gets to "date" at all. You must meet whoever she's going out with. You have no idea who this person was, or if there really was "a person" in the form of a peer. She was secretive from the beginning about this whole thing. Big red flag. That could have just as easily been some 40 year old pervert outside. You did what every good parent does. You stayed on top of the situation. I would have a really hard time trusting her again. I still think she's too young. Maybe wait a year before she goes on a one-one-one date. Lots of kids go on "group dates" with a bunch of friends. Usually safety in numbers. Keep up the good work and don't let her BS you or lay on a guilt trip.
Absolutely NOT the AH! You absolutely should have a face to go with the name. This 'guy' may be her classmate (at this point you can't even be sure of that either) but he's a stranger to you. You can't allow your young teenage daughter to just go off with strangers and especially not in today's world. Good job!
First off my 13 yr is not going on a date. And she is definitely not going with anyone that I don't know anything about. You will change your mind when you start looking up "missing teen girls".It's your job to protect her from the unknown, not be her friend. In my opinion 13 is too young to be dating anyway.
Definitely NTA. Take it from someone who was sexually assaulted @13. My Mom was a very on top of what was going on in my life, but it still happened in a place I should have been safe. She felt guilty for decades even though she's done more than her due diligence. Not only was she's wrong, she's proven she's not mature enough for solo dating, maybe she can do the group dating thing until she's more mature.
NTA. So NTA!!! Please keep up the good work in raising your daughter. You absolutely need to know who this kid is, who his parents are, where they live, etc etc. Yes it's old school!!! But get over that and think about her safety. My dad NEVER let me run to a car with my date out there. If the date didn't come to the door, I wasn't leaving the house. A few times, the dates came to the door and he answered, said she's not going out with you, and they were on their way. Yes I was mad, but I got over it. He just didn't like them for whatever reason, and it was his final say so. Your daughter is 13. Protect her at all costs.
Raised 6 children. Single mom most of time as hubby was army lifer and 25 yrs long haul driver. You are 100% correct in wanting to meet. My red flags went up w her responses and thought maybe it wasn't a kid in her class but older guy even internet troll. Sit down and talk w her. Tell her the rules for future re dating AND they are inplace BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER. In time she will get street smart and spot the weirdos. Stand firm you've got this
I am almost 99% certain the reason she did not want you to meet her Date is because he was 100% too OLD for her... guaranteed lots of old nasty men today because real men won't stomp them out. They have multiplied.
Everyone is talking about pedophile danger, and my first thought was actually the Ana Kriégel murder. The murderer was also a child. Parents should always meet who their kids are hanging out with. For safety, I think everyone should always have a parent, or friend they trust, who can call police if something goes wrong. It's not about control; it's just safety protocol.
NTA You gave her chance, she TOLD YOU how things go. You applied the dad law.
NTA. As a former teenage boy, I absolutely wanted to make a good impression in the parents of any girl in whom I was interested. The only time I picked up someone whose dad seriously announced he would be waiting up cleaning his shotgun, and absolutely noped out of that drama asap, but still at least met the guy.
NTA, but Dad could work more on gaining his daughter's trust and keeping communication open with her. She told him about this "date" - but after this reaction, she won't tell him about the next one. When I was 14, I got very very friendly with a man who really wanted to meet me, blah blah blah. I told my parents right away, they explained what would happen to me if I went, and I didn't become a statistic. I didn't feel like I needed to lie to them and they didn't need to go authoritarian to keep me safe.
So the daughter doesn't trust the father enough to tell him the truth. That started way before dating boys. So the difference between a child and a teen is that the teen will do it in secret the next time and tell more lies. And the responsibility is always on adult side. So start to communicate better. Why didn't the father step out, says: Hey I am das, have fun at pizzahut. What information exactly does he think to get from a boy at this age?
I have a cousin that works in the judicial system and when her daughter dated she required their name, license number and phone number.
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I wasn't allowed to date at 13. In fact, because of this, I lost the only time in school a boy asked me out. Otherwise they all acted like I was poison.
When i was 13-17 if i didn't want to introduce a friend it was because they were much older than me. I did introduce my first "boyfriend" at 14 and they hated him bc he wore black nail polish. Definitely need to meet your kids friends but saying negative things about the friend's looks will stop the honesty.
There's no way I'd let my children go anywhere with someone I've never met. Same with going to other people's homes. It's my responsibility to keep them safe and that starts with knowing where they're at and who they are with. I absolutely agree with the person that said if she wasn't confident/mature enough to tell her date that her father wants to meet him first, she definitely wouldn't be confident/mature enough to speak up for herself in the event that she was uncomfortable with something that was happening. Besides, her "bf" could've been a grown@$s man and he wouldn't have known until it was potentially "too late". These rules aren't there to restrict so much as they are to protect your child from danger. Idc what anyone says, it's your job to enforce those rules no matter what.
I would have let her go that's what is wrong with parents now days u all need to let ur kids grow up and give them a cell phone so I can track them
ESH tbh. She should've told her date. He shouldn't have handled it the way he did.
I was not allowed to date until I was 16. At 13 most kids are rash and do not have the best judgement or awareness for self respect or discipline to not do certain things. I would say he is more of a jerk for being ok with his 13 year old having a boyfriend at all. He should know where and who his kids are with unless he wants to get a visit by police or end up on the news with his kid missing or sex trafficked, or found in a shallow grave etc. COMMON SENSE
If I were her day I would explain it to her and not write a story about it on the internet.
What on earth is a 13 year old going on a date anyway??? This dad is bonzo. He's right for making her cancel but he also needs to check his priorities...she's in middle school for goodness sake! She's got plenty of time for boys. 13 is NOT that time!!
Lol are you serious? Kids were "going out" at age 11 when i was a kid back in the 90s. Some were even hooking up, and it was usually the ones whose parents were super strict and wouldn't let them date. They just became great at lying and sneaking out, and would end up in bad situations where they had to stay the night at strangers houses because they weren't allowed to come home at 1am, so they lied about staying at friends houses, and went out to party. Conversely, all the kids whose parents were non judgemental and had a good relationship with their kids & didn't try and stop them from doing what kids do, those kids turned out great, because they knew they wouldn't be in trouble for making mistakes kids make. Id bet money your a Christian. Its always the christian parents who think control is the answer to everything, despite nothing but evidence to the contrary.
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13 is too young to even be dating, especially in our society right now and secondly dad had every right to do what he did ! She is a freaking kid , a mo or to be more specific and let’s say he let her go and something happened to her: most of the comments would be asking for dads head on a platter. At least if she is in her room pouting he knows where she is !
Personally, I think he didn't have to cancel her date, just should have walked outside and said hi to the date himself. Or told her "you can't go unless your date comes to meet me". Like I think it's weird that he decided to make her cancel the date when there was an easier solution. If she refused to bring her date to meet him even after making that ultimatum then he could have canceled it, but saying "well bc this boy had no idea about the meeting me part you can't go". Like just have her ask him to come to the door? Idk seems so obtuse on both sides. I don't think either of them are a******s, I just think they could have both handled the situation better.
NTA, obviously. However it could just be her sense of fairness causing her stubbornness. After all HIS father (or mother) never insisted they get to meet HER before HE would be allowed out for pizza. (After all, who's to say that the 13yr old girl HE'S supposedly meeting for pizza isn't a 30yr old man?) Anyway It's possible that she is more inclined to believe that what he's asking is an outdated custom. The equivalent of a chaperoned date would have been to us just 15-20 years ago. Unheard of. Though he should have said "OK LAST chance. Text him to either come to the door, or text him you won't be going. Your choice. Now go sit it the living room. I'M ANSWERING MY DOOR."
Then those are careless parents who don't care about their son's safety. Sucks for him.
Load More Replies... She's 13 years old. If anyone thinks she's ready for the minefield that is human relationships, then I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. How many 16 year olds do you know that are ready for parenthood? Ok, kids should not 'date' until at least 16 years old, unless you want to be the unwitting babysitter. I'm the guy your parents warned you about. Trust me when I say this.
I am still stuck at the 13 yr old being allowed to go out on a date. Say what? People will tell you oh yea it’s ok blah blah until the police knocks on your door. We need to stop pushing these kids to be mature adults before they are ready. She has friends let them come over, you order pizza watch them eat it talk and send him home. You are the adult. All it takes is the wrong person, the wrong bad driver, meet up with the wrong crowd. I wish my daughter who is now 22 would have even tried to asked. And the rest of you can be mad all you want. Let these kids be kids as long as they can.
Praise her for owning up to her lie. 13 is a bit young. Pizza dates at this age could be mixed gender, odd number, you pay for the pizza and hang in the background. Plan on these things with her before they happen. She sounds like a great daughter and you're a great father.
Some of my friends and I never dated in high school. A few did, not many. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 19 and away at college. I grew up in a small town. There was really nobody interesting there anyway, plus I was too shy. I drive a school bus. Most 13 years olds are not really mature enough to be dating anyway.
Nta. Its a major red flag that she wouldn't at least have the kid come to the front door. That shouldn't be a big deal. Definitely made the right decision. With all the predators online you have to be careful. She could have met the guy online and even she might not know who he really is. Parents need to stay vigilant and thats all this father did. He gave her one very simple condition and she failed to follow through. This is just good parenting.
13 years old and on a date? Lil young if you ask me. But then, I guess that's showing my age, lol. If I was the father, I'd be darn sure to at the very least be chaperoning. She may not like it, but she's still a child and parents need to take the responsible route. Trust us earned. When it comes to dating, trust is earned. It's a new path in life and imo, hi having a guide traversing that path is a good thing. Though to be honest, I'm definitely having a hard time wrapping my head around letting a 13 year old go on a date. It boggles my mind.
Who's to say the "boy from class" wasn't actually a teacher or some creep preying on her, she's 13 and wouldn't think it's bad if it's someone she thinks is considered trustworthy by everyone. She seems like a sweet girl, but maybe explaining more the dangers of meeting the wrong person and how bringing them to her parents could save her life as she dates throughout her teen years. He could've went out to meet the boy, but it's also a respect thing for the boy to come to the door and approach her parents before taking their child out on a date. You show respect for them AND your date, but she didn't respect her father by at least having her date come meet him before going off with a stranger he doesn't know. So now that kid gets kind of a bad wrap for not introducing himself, and the dad gets a bad wrap from some parents for seemingly "stepping over his daughter's boundaries" when it's the same thing I'd do to my daughters and my sons.
I would say good call on that one. Since it is just about being worried parent. You never know who the guy is or whether he even is a kid. Plus you do want at least something you can tell police if things go bad and out some pressure on the guy to not do anything stupid. Also this sister seems to me to not really be any less if teenager than daughter, considering that she doesn't understand that either. And sure, that rebel stage of growing up is normal, however some rules do have to be established and there should be nothing wrong with being worried parent and wanting to at least say hi to that kid. Like I get kids wanting to be independent, but reality is, they don't have experience or wisdom necessary to make those decisions yet.
In response to that one reddit reply- my mom was (and still is) the cool mom, and she still always met or at least had a phone call with the parents of whoever I was going out with (nothing is close by here, so we needed car rides until we could drive ourselves lol). There's nothing uncool or helicoptery about making sure your kids are safe!! Especially if they're a middle schooler going on a date! I know he's probably just an awkward 13 y/o who doesn't want to meet the dad, because he thinks it will be awkward, but I'd still be concerned that this was some grown a*s child predator cjdkslw
Naw. I have 2 daughters and 2 sons. Small rn but they'll grow up. And no, daughter or son, we're meeting your gf or bf or u don't go. Plus. If it's is a date... you never know if they'll become family or not. But still. And it's a good way to keep ur babies safe. Plus, if kid is already lying about it, he'll no. They lost the going privilege once they lied. Just like they do now. Once you lie about it, that option goes away for a bit.
These are the kind of "punishments" that change your relationship with your kid forever. She will never forget that :/
NTA You should have a long, and probably upsetting discussion with your daughter about dating. Decide what boundaries you are going to set. For example, she can go out with a group of friends at 13, but no dates with a boy until she's 15, and you must meet them first. She will be angry and say you're unfair. Let her know it's not negotiable. Get information on the laws about the age of consent, 18 year-olds are adults. Get the facts about human trafficking and meeting people online. That's where predators go to groom their victims. Tell her you will be monitoring her online activity to help keep her safe. She'll be mad, but that's too bad. Whenever you tell her you're going to check her computer or phone she has to show you or she loses them. I know girls who have been trafficked and it is very scary. Believe it or not, some day she will appreciate it. You are a great dad and she is a normal 13 year-old. Also, tell her you won't tolerate lying.
My daughter is only 5 but believe me you she dating until she is 16 and he best come on in so we can meet him. Curfew is 10 pm.
I'm 45, and been a mom for 26 years to 2 boys. I remember being a teen girl with a father who was 6 foot something, 250, grew up on a farm, and GROWLED at my guy FRIENDS. So, I understand her feelings. Having said that, I wouldn't let my 24 year old son meet his online boyfriend, (or 30 something sister and HER bf) without being there, cause my family won't be someone's leather jacket, thank you very much.
Most of you rely on assumptions but I can't talk as I'm asexual and have no interest in dating chemistry unless it's fanfiction so imma phase out!
Watch out for Henry, looks like the type that like to date children!
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When you’re 13 it doesn’t matter who your meeting, if it’s a “date” it’s potentially dangerous. Sexuality shouldn’t be on the table at 13, and attraction can be said as “friends” to parents. But hiding a person completely is dangerous.
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Wrong. This is *not* an exact parallel to the cat litter story. This story involves a *child*, who can be notorious for making poor decisions, including lying. And since you seem to want to be enraged on behalf of men, and not actually read, everyone here is actually supporting this father. In the cat litter story, the husband was, in fact, a massive, immature douchebag.
Load More Replies... Well, sometimes "13 year old" boyfriends of 13 year old girls turn out to be 30 year old incels, so...
Yes that was my first thought, unfortunately. He could have walked out and met him though
Load More Replies... One of my brothers had an experience like this. My niece was only 14, and would lie that she was out with her group of girl friends when she was actually meeting her “boyfriend”. One day, thinking my brother wasn’t home, “boyfriend” showed up outside the house to pick her up for a date. In his CAR! He was 18! My brother went right out to see who he was, and when he found out, he read him the riot act and threatened to have him arrested and put on the pedophile register since he was an adult and she was still a child. So yeah, Dad has every right to cancel the date if he can’t meet the guy taking his ONLY daughter out. Same would apply if he had a son and couldn’t meet the girl, who could also be way too old, going out for pizza with his son. Remember, 18 year olds can also ride bikes to the pizza parlor. Dad was only listening to his Spidey sense here, and could’ve been right to be concerned. When it comes to children, it’s always better to err on the side of caution, because the alternative is too horrible to think about.
You're absolutely right. I worked as a counselor in a lockdown treatment facility for girls 13-18 years old when my daughters came of age to date. So I think it made my senses feel more heightened by the knowledge of my work experience, but I tried very hard to not let it cloud my perception of my daughters behavior and I think I did well. My eyes were definitely open to the possibilities that could befall them though. Fortunately their boyfriends didn't drive and I did most of the transportation for them to go out on dates and visit each others homes, but they didn't "date" until they were 15 and this was almost 15 years ago now. We definitely had to know who they were going to be out with. They also went out with friend groups earlier, to which we delivered and picked up. After my childhood also I just had to keep a bit closer eye on my children.
Load More Replies... is his sister a moron? she expects dad to let the daughter go on a date with a guy that he's never met, heard of or even seen before? is she in cloud coo-coo land where pedos dont exist or something?
You would think as a woman, the sister would be warry about 13 year old boys. I mean come on,... Everyone at this point knows how gross 13 year old boys are.
Load More Replies... Yea I agree. It’s one thing to like someone at that age but going out? It also seems weird because you can’t drive so most of the time your parents have to take you..
Load More Replies... My first thought is that date is a lot older than 13 and rightfully afraid to meet dad
Same, and/or trouble in (an)other way(s). Most likely I'd guess.
Load More Replies... The fact that she didn't text the date and have him come to the door says a lot IMO. That's not how you behave when you have nothing to hide and have a parent that won't raise hell over anything.
Recipe for things to go sideways. You have no info to tell the police and they can't help you. So many things that could go wrong and when it does, you have that stupid comment of "hindsight is 20/20"--how about not being so blind now. There's that unknown scary stuff that crops up that reduces the blunders after the fact. There are 'kids' /teenagers that are involved in bad accidents and are unrecognized and at 13 have no ids either. The long hours to find them. I've known 2 cases where girls were hit by a car while walking along the road. The heartache when the police don't know who/how to get the news to the folks. So even if the dad were to contact the authorities, does he have the facts to locate her in a timely manner? She lies about 1 fact, what about the other 4 that dad relied on being right ? Was she going to that pizza joint with a 13 y.o. boy on a bike and be home at 7, then to be faced with a 18 y.o. with a car going out to a place 3-7 miles out and home at 8:15.
Load More Replies... I could understand the daughter being uncomfortable with introducing her friend if OP was just an all around asshat (I hid a relationship for 7 months before telling my family, as I wasn't sure it was safe to tell them). But OP's tone seem really chill, honestly. He didn't seem pushy or snoopy or anything. Even if it isn't a "real date", she's a middle schooler. He has every right to know who she's with and why and all that. She isn't in a situation that warrants secrecy, though. It's uncomfortable, yes. But it beats all the other dangerous scenarios.
Sure. He was PERFECTLY CHILL... in his RETELLING of the story. But then again, he rushed right over to Reddit to post (humble-brag) about how he punished his wayward daughter and ruined her first date. And then received all the applause and validation he wanted. So how chill could he REALLY have been with the idea of his 13yr old daughter dating boys?
Load More Replies... Introducing a date to parents is only polite and considerate. Sez an old fart. ;)
At 13 I would expect to meet all friends of my child before letting them ride off to get pizza or whatever. I'd also want to meet the parents if my child was going to spend substantial time at the other child's home. But then, I'd oppose real dating at 13. Grabbing a slice of pizza, ok. Going mini golf, ok. But not a real date. Depending on maturity, somewhere around 16 I wouldn't be so strict about a casual grab a slice of pizza thing and let the child choose when I should meet friends and SO's. I would also encourage my child to invite them to dinner and leave them to watch a movie or whatever with minimal interruptions, just enough that both are aware they can be walked in on, but private enough that they can relax and enjoy each other's company without worrying about being spied upon.
I agree with most of what you said, however I'm confused what differentiates mini golf or grabbing a bite together from a real date? Those sound like real dates to me. I'm 36 and I would totally consider mini golf a real date. Same for a bike ride and some pizza. Actually, those sound like great dates.
Load More Replies... It's okay to have daughter hating you, than be trafficked or dead. Very responsible dad. Without meeting the boy, how will anyone know whether he is who his daughter thinks the guy is? Better to be safe than sorry. If it's a harmless pizza date, it's okay to introduce friends or otherwise to parents. NTA.
Boys get trafficked too. She should have to meet his parents too.
Load More Replies... I would have walked to the car, introduced myself and then explained to him the date was off and why. How he reacts determines if she will see him again or not. Be fair, be consistent and be honest. It's worked well so far.
You're exactly right, and that extra step would've said so much about what was going on with his daughter and the boy who was supposed to be waiting on his bicycle. I think it would have been important to know if the rest of her story to her father was true or not since she lied about telling the boy that he needed to meet her father and told her father that he would be doing so. I never had a problem telling my parents where I was going or letting them see who I was with, so it does seem shady to me that she didn't want him to come to meet her dad. There's so many scenarios that she could have planned out, lied about her age to him, lied about both their ages, could be doing something else all together, and he could have been a 13 year old boy who was expecting to get pizza, but dad will never know now. He could have met the boy as you said and made different arrangements for them after explaining why it didn't work out that day.
Load More Replies... Wow I can't believe some of the comments telling the dad he was wrong for wanting to meet his daughter's date. Clearly they have never been a parent of a teenager. It's Dad's job to know who she's hanging out with. Those bashing the dad are the same ones that would be on the local news crying because their child has gone missing smdh.
As an alternative, maybe the daughter is meeting another girl for a date...I've come across this recently where a daughter was afraid to come out to her parents and refused to tell her parents about the person she hung out with after school...after lots of "red flags", it just turned out to be an innocent budding romance between two embarased teenage girls....talk about an eye roll moment....I found the best thing to do is sit down at a table and listen to the kids tell me why they're so embarrassed
Even if, the dad would still have to meet her. Or, the daughter could lie and say she's just a friend, not the best idea though.
Load More Replies... I'm really conflicted with this one, part of me is screaming stranger danger, of course he should insist on meeting him then this other part remembers that when my dad tried to tell 13 year old me what i could and couldn't do i left out my window in the middle of the night, started shooting heroin to spite him and his rules and he didnt see me again till i was 22. So in that instance his rules that he reasoned were to keep me safe and insure i got into MIT or the like instead caused me to drop out of the 9th grade and spend my teenage years in the company of prostitutes and gangsters. True story. So im gonna go with nta for wanting to meeting the kid ITA for making her cancel instead of just walking her out for an impromptu hello . But realistically if it was some pedo creep that you wouldnt approve of she woulda probably asked to fo hang out with a friend you already know and then go to meet him, she wouldn't offer up any info at all if it was inappropriate to date him
I remember a guy once yelling out to my sisters name to come out. Mum reminded her she was not a dog, and if he respected her he would come to the door and knock.
Good parenting 👍. Your sister and daughter needs to sit down & watch some true crime shows. Keep it up. She will thank you in the end
I am an old fuddy duddy but I would not let my 13 year old date in any way shape or form.
I'm not saying you're wrong, but.. You could just as easy go outside and introduce yourself to him. .. Show him how it's supposed to go down.
Exactly! I'm shocked nobody is thinking of this easy solution. Like if I was the dad I would have said "hey tell your date to come in or the date is off" and if the daughter refuses then you go outside, introduce yourself and then you can introduce yourself and then decide from there whether or not the date is off. Or tell the boy "hey my daughter was supposed to tell you this but she didn't so unfortunately the date is off". Like he's not an a*****e, he's asking the right thing but how hard would it be to go outside and see too.
Load More Replies... NTA!!! Kids lie a lot about everything! The 13-year-old can SAY this is a boy from her class, but is he really?? And going out on their bikes, while not inherently wrong, they can get far out of sight, ditch the bikes somewhere and hop in a waiting vehicle driven by an adult. Next thing, she goes missing, an APB is put out, dad's worried sick, then he gets the worst possible news of his life that his little girl is gone, murdered by that adult with the "classmate" being an accessory! Dad is just doing his job acting as gatekeeper to his little girl, THAT'S why he asked to meet the "classmate"!! She may hate dad now, but eventually, she'll see that he only had her best interests at heart!!
Holy s*** they just want to go eat some pizza & you've got her murdered in a ditch. Jesus.
Load More Replies... If you're a female and you thought the father is wrong wtf is wrong with you? with as many young girls that get picked up and raped or sold into sex trafficking you going to tell a good father he was in the wrong the child is 13 to young to date honestly. None of them are really mature enough these days,dating these days automatically means something serious to these young people have two f dates and be acting like you married and belong to each other. Heck that "boy" could be 25 or older who knows if you don't take a look at them
I don't think he is an a*** for wanting to know who is her date, but I also think he should have handle it more properly: maybe is a date for her but the guy is juat her friend, and she is nervous about it. The father should have just introduced himself casually like "hi nice to meet you friend of my daugther". These times, a mother is really missing in the family kkkkk Your daughter is just afraid you would say something strange like relationship, love, whasover. I had also the same fear when I was her age: I couldn't talk to a friend who was a boy for too long my dather would start complain about how "easy" I was. Once I went to an marriage and went upstairs to talk to some friends of mine with my brother, he started yelling saying to me to get out of there because he thought I was alone with a guy, I was 17. So embarassed. I only date once when I was 18 and it was hell. Never again. You are definetely NTA for waiting to meet your daughters' date, I would do the same. But you+++
Should have handle it better than just "call it off". Now your daughter won't trust you, maybe she didn't trust you because you already made some of those things because you failed to understand her. Go there, have a talk to her and say you just want to meet whoever she is seeing and make sure she understand you won't throw her and the guy under the bus and will treat him like her friend. Just it. She will feel safe. You are a man and she is a girl, she ofc will have difficulties talking to you about those things. She think you don't trust her either. If I was in her situation at 13 yrs old I would probably call my date off myself because you remember so much of my dad. Listen to your sister and fix that, your mission is to EDUCATE and UNDERSTAND your child. Or else, she will become like me: a 21 yrs old virgin who is afraid of relationships and men and it's probably going to die alone. My dad now understand me and tries to make up his past mistakes, but the damage is already done.
Load More Replies... Kids disappear every day in this country. When are people going to step up and be parents. You are not your kids best friend, you're their parents! ACT LIKE IT!!! It's to late when kid is missing.
It's a case of ESH. The young lady lied, end of discussion and should not have gone. HOEVER, I would have stuck my head outside, looked at him, waved him over, and offered some sort of greeting and said to come back when she's not grounded. You definitely should not let your child go anywhere with someone you do not know minor or not.
Wow, I was not allowed to go anywhere alone until I was 18 without a family member joining us (I know that is usually not the norm but I was able to go with my female cousin that was older and actually my friend ). I used to be so mad and upset but now that I am older (36 and married) I totally understand and am so grateful for the way I was raised. Back then in the mid 2000's computers and social media are not what it is now (wayyyyyy worse now). All that to say Dad is definitely NTA. I would be okay with my teenage daughter disliking me for awhile if it would mean that my child was safe..... EDITED to add-- I have 2 young sons and I still feel that I would treat them the same exact way if they were girls.
"...if they were girls." WOW Why differentiate? Why not do it to your sons too? ETA--- well I see you edited your comment, AFTER I replied. For the record, your original comment read: that you have 2 sons, but you would do the same thing...IF THEY WERE GIRLS.
Load More Replies... do any of you commenting have kids? Yeah he's TA. Dude I get you want to meet the kid and absolutely have every right to do so before allowing your daughter to be around him but it was your daughters fault that she didn't tell him and how do you know if she had told him he may have actually been a good guy and been fine with it, now because you overreacted and made her cancel he most likely won't want to try with her in fear that you're way too protective which is fair. What you should have done is tell her that she will be punished for lying to you but that you will meet him before she goes with him and if she respects you she will do it and you could have just gone out there yourself and met him. So yes you could have done more than canceling her date, yes she does deserve some form of punishment for the lie but you're walking a fine line with your daughter n your relationship with her by a reaction like that. I have kids and I'll say from expirence do not do this parents.
Something tells me Darren is the adult that was trying to take this 13 y/o out...
Load More Replies... I don't think this father is in the wrong. How is the father suppose to know or not if the girl met this guy online.
13 is young to be dating. Parents shouldn't be going the shotgun route, but they do need to be looking out for her welfare - which means knowing who they're with, and where they're going. Dad wanting to be introduced to the guy a is sensible precaution. If he's 13 and it's two kids having pizza, then it's "Hi, and you two have fun". If saying hi to Dad is a deal breaker for the guy, then that's a red flag. At 13, the daughter is probrably in high school. A 'guy she met at school' could be 17 or 18, and 13 year old girls can sometimes be convinced that it's flattering that an 18 year old wants to date them, instead of recognising that the guy is a predator.
She would eventually have to meet his. And you asking to just meet the boy is basic good manners. The boy should have taken it upon himself to come to the door for her. As a gentleman.
NTA. He did what any good dad would do. In today's world, the kidnappings of children is as high as rent, utilities, car gas, and car notes combined. If my daughter is LYING to me about her date not wanting to meet me, I will not be taking chances with her safety. Red alarms would be going off in my head. I would cancel that date so fast, you wouldn't believe it. And after canceling said date, I would go and find the guy, just to make sure that he is actually a boy around her age (my offspring will not be dating at the age of 13), and let him know that the date is off until she's not grounded anymore, and me, him, and his parents meet officially. Me and the boy don't have to meet in my house. We could greet on the front porch, the front yard, the garage pathway, the sidewalk in front of my house, etc. I'm not about to let some boy that I have never seen before, heard of before, or even met before take my daughter on any outing. The dad should've went to see him anyway.
You absolutely did the right thing. It is our responsibility as parents to protect our children and that includes protecting them from themselves. Good luck Raising teenagers is hard. You will question every decision you make.
If course you shouldn't let your 13 year old go anywhere with people you haven't met. Date or otherwise, but teenagers especially young teenagers are strange creatures and something like this could have a lasting impact. Personally I would have given her a 2nd chance to bring the kid to the door, but that's just me.
Me too. "Either text him to come to the door, or text him that you're not going! Your choice kiddo."
Load More Replies... Dad is definitely NTA. His sister, however, is living in Never-Never Land. Did she seriously not see anything wrong with a 15-year-old girl going on a date with some guy her father hasn't met?
Dating at 13 and you're OK with that?!! No. Too young, even for pizza! I couldn't date until I was 16 and DEFINITELY they had to meet my parents, or I didn't go anywhere. Had a girl in our neighborhood that was unalived on a date her parents never met or even knew what car he drove. It is still unsolved 35 years later.
You are her parent. Knowing where she is and who she's with is your job. If the boy was outside he could easily have stepped inside and introduced himself. The fact that she didn't appear to want you to meet him says to me that she had something else to hide. Like maybe this "boy" was actually much older. You were absolutely in the right.
NTA. This Dad was VERY reasonable. My mom would have wanted to meet him and his parents, make sure she had all phone numbers and the addresses of where he lives. ALL information, including exactly where we were going and where we would go afterward followed by a strict, early, early curfew. My mom was the one actually interrogating my boyfriends and asking probably way more stuff that was not really relevant of her business. If this Dad's daughter didn't lie in the first place it wouldn't have been so bad for her. She might've been able to go on her date. I know when I lied to my mom I was grounded.
Good on dad, I definitely wouldn't let my kids (bith sexes) go out on a date without meeting them. It's just not safe, 13 years old is not old enough to make safe decisions... mind you some people are never old enough
Yea but.. what if he's like 30? Or what if the boy is a girl and she's afraid what her dad or other people will think of her? Or what he's like a 30 year old woman. Or what if it's even worse than that. I mean there's very little context here to deduce a "correct" decision. And by correct, I mean one that is in the BEST interest of ALL parties involved. A key sign that there is a particularly valid reason she refuses to introduce them is the fact that she lied to her dad's face according to her dad in this specific instance, and then cracked under pressure immediately and changed her reasoning to something vague and ambiguous. She was nervous about something.
Who has been around that child more than you? Nobody. aka nobody actually knows her anywhere near as much as you do. I.e. nobody else should be trusted to make decisions about her other than you. 😉
Idk why he couldn't have gone outside to meet the kid along with the daughter, it would have solved some things then the daughter could be grounded or loose privileges later for lying (or whatever is acceptable consequence). But I don't begrudge the dad wanting to meet the kid at all, neither would i for if the kid was scared or nervous but the daughter shouldn't have lied to her father about telling him. No judgement from me for his question, parenting is hard, and I feel for all sides here.
I feel pretty confident that the supposed kid was never out front. Granted, this is just an assumption, but you are also making an assumption that he was actually out there.
Load More Replies... Jeeze. I was guilted by friends and family alike to have a boyfriend at 14. He was a total tool! Lasted 3 weeks... Then he asked out my friend (who happened to have the same legal name as me) and acted like we had never met... And he did this in front of me. All because I didn't want to kiss him.... My parents said he was a "nice guy", but he was just a d**k. Once he had his "first girl" he immediately wanted more. She turned him down in stunning mannar and we both had a laugh, very much at his expense! He acted like he was entitled to me and when I would tell him "no" he'd say I was "his b*tch" and had to do what he said. I never listened to him and even punched him once when he tried to force me to kiss him. That's prob why he tried to go for my friend. If one don't work...maybe the other will? NOPE! In short, op...NTA!
I think people on reddit and here are forgetting how young teens are. I was incredibly embarrassed at that age to tell my mom about boys I liked or dated. My mom is one of the most open-minded people I know, but still as a teen it feels awkward. You're figuring things out and are experiencing feelings and emotions you've never felt before. I understand why the daughter didn't tell the boy that her dad wanted to meet him. It feels a bit embarrassing and intimidating. I don't think the dad is the A'hole for wanting to meet the kid, but I think he could've handled it better by stepping outside himself and meet the kid. His daughter will keep her dates a secret from now on, which is even more dangerous! Also people please learn to read before commenting jeez. People are still attacking the boy when he wasn't even aware of the situation.
How does this make him an AH? When I was 13, my grandmother wanted to meet my friends and their parents. I couldn't go anywhere with them without her meeting them. The same thing happened when it came to dates, my grandmother wanted to meet them. If I refused, I couldn't leave the house and go anywhere with them. Safety is important, that's why she always wanted to know where I was and who I was with.
She was a little worried that dad might not approve of her 40 year old date.
I think his sister had that opinion because when she was a girl she would likely have hated her parents doing this. It's also even more NTA because the girl lied about asking him to meet
Lol, she blatantly lied to him and he's confused if he's in the right. Bro, don't overthink it. Your sister probably got pregnant at 13 and compulsively lies for fun. Probably whispers dumb, perverted s**t to your daughter for laughs. I'd advise never asking her for advice on anything, first off. Secondly, keep it up. Liars must be punished and you wanted a simple thing.
13 year old daughter probably just saw her dad's request as some ancient, old-fashioned, sexist, tradition, leftover from the 50's. And was too embarrassed to tell the boy that he had to meet her father before she could go eat some pizza. In that case Dad should have just walked out front with his daughter, gone up to the boy, introduced himself and shook his hand. That would have been a better way to handle it. Then he could look at his daughter and say, "Now that's how it's done." Girls these days are just not putting up with the same kind of double-standard that we were subjected to when we were their age. And yes she probably thinks it's a sexist double standard because his parents didn't insist they meet her. After all 13-year-old boys are in just as much danger as 13-year-old girls.
I might be REALLY old fashioned here, but I'm not entirely sure I would let my 13 year old "date" just yet...and if I did, I would make sure I knew as much as I could about the kid right down to their favorite color. I'm not here to be my kids friend and they have only have these remaining childhood years once. They go fast. Anyone who tells this guy that he's the AH must have never seen an episode of Dateline..
She's 13 FFS. You did the exact correct thing. The fact you had to ask complete (sometimes idiots like your sister) strangers tells me you have spent entirely too much of your life listening to what our s****y society thinks is correct. It's not. 15 or 16 is maybe the correct age to be dating, not 13. She has zero idea of what young men like I used to be are capable of.
Dating replaced courtship which was all about finding a spouse. Young girls are easily influenced and easily coerced. Set 16 as the age she can start dating and spend the next 3 years giving her the tools to deal with the pressure and the coersion... As a former teenage boy you should be better able to teach her what to look for. You're her dad not her bestie and it is your job to protect her, teach her and turn her into a decent human being that a man would be proud to marry.
He’s not being unreasonable in asking to meet the boy - he’s being a good father. She’s going to be a handful during these teen years it sounds like. Good luck dad!
NTA Dad. You did the right thing. I may be old fashioned, but what 13 year old gets to dictate what you can and cannot do as a parent? She's lucky she gets to "date" at all. You must meet whoever she's going out with. You have no idea who this person was, or if there really was "a person" in the form of a peer. She was secretive from the beginning about this whole thing. Big red flag. That could have just as easily been some 40 year old pervert outside. You did what every good parent does. You stayed on top of the situation. I would have a really hard time trusting her again. I still think she's too young. Maybe wait a year before she goes on a one-one-one date. Lots of kids go on "group dates" with a bunch of friends. Usually safety in numbers. Keep up the good work and don't let her BS you or lay on a guilt trip.
Absolutely NOT the AH! You absolutely should have a face to go with the name. This 'guy' may be her classmate (at this point you can't even be sure of that either) but he's a stranger to you. You can't allow your young teenage daughter to just go off with strangers and especially not in today's world. Good job!
First off my 13 yr is not going on a date. And she is definitely not going with anyone that I don't know anything about. You will change your mind when you start looking up "missing teen girls".It's your job to protect her from the unknown, not be her friend. In my opinion 13 is too young to be dating anyway.
Definitely NTA. Take it from someone who was sexually assaulted @13. My Mom was a very on top of what was going on in my life, but it still happened in a place I should have been safe. She felt guilty for decades even though she's done more than her due diligence. Not only was she's wrong, she's proven she's not mature enough for solo dating, maybe she can do the group dating thing until she's more mature.
NTA. So NTA!!! Please keep up the good work in raising your daughter. You absolutely need to know who this kid is, who his parents are, where they live, etc etc. Yes it's old school!!! But get over that and think about her safety. My dad NEVER let me run to a car with my date out there. If the date didn't come to the door, I wasn't leaving the house. A few times, the dates came to the door and he answered, said she's not going out with you, and they were on their way. Yes I was mad, but I got over it. He just didn't like them for whatever reason, and it was his final say so. Your daughter is 13. Protect her at all costs.
Raised 6 children. Single mom most of time as hubby was army lifer and 25 yrs long haul driver. You are 100% correct in wanting to meet. My red flags went up w her responses and thought maybe it wasn't a kid in her class but older guy even internet troll. Sit down and talk w her. Tell her the rules for future re dating AND they are inplace BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER. In time she will get street smart and spot the weirdos. Stand firm you've got this
I am almost 99% certain the reason she did not want you to meet her Date is because he was 100% too OLD for her... guaranteed lots of old nasty men today because real men won't stomp them out. They have multiplied.
Everyone is talking about pedophile danger, and my first thought was actually the Ana Kriégel murder. The murderer was also a child. Parents should always meet who their kids are hanging out with. For safety, I think everyone should always have a parent, or friend they trust, who can call police if something goes wrong. It's not about control; it's just safety protocol.
NTA You gave her chance, she TOLD YOU how things go. You applied the dad law.
NTA. As a former teenage boy, I absolutely wanted to make a good impression in the parents of any girl in whom I was interested. The only time I picked up someone whose dad seriously announced he would be waiting up cleaning his shotgun, and absolutely noped out of that drama asap, but still at least met the guy.
NTA, but Dad could work more on gaining his daughter's trust and keeping communication open with her. She told him about this "date" - but after this reaction, she won't tell him about the next one. When I was 14, I got very very friendly with a man who really wanted to meet me, blah blah blah. I told my parents right away, they explained what would happen to me if I went, and I didn't become a statistic. I didn't feel like I needed to lie to them and they didn't need to go authoritarian to keep me safe.
So the daughter doesn't trust the father enough to tell him the truth. That started way before dating boys. So the difference between a child and a teen is that the teen will do it in secret the next time and tell more lies. And the responsibility is always on adult side. So start to communicate better. Why didn't the father step out, says: Hey I am das, have fun at pizzahut. What information exactly does he think to get from a boy at this age?
I have a cousin that works in the judicial system and when her daughter dated she required their name, license number and phone number.
Load More Replies... I wasn't allowed to date at 13. In fact, because of this, I lost the only time in school a boy asked me out. Otherwise they all acted like I was poison.
When i was 13-17 if i didn't want to introduce a friend it was because they were much older than me. I did introduce my first "boyfriend" at 14 and they hated him bc he wore black nail polish. Definitely need to meet your kids friends but saying negative things about the friend's looks will stop the honesty.
There's no way I'd let my children go anywhere with someone I've never met. Same with going to other people's homes. It's my responsibility to keep them safe and that starts with knowing where they're at and who they are with. I absolutely agree with the person that said if she wasn't confident/mature enough to tell her date that her father wants to meet him first, she definitely wouldn't be confident/mature enough to speak up for herself in the event that she was uncomfortable with something that was happening. Besides, her "bf" could've been a grown@$s man and he wouldn't have known until it was potentially "too late". These rules aren't there to restrict so much as they are to protect your child from danger. Idc what anyone says, it's your job to enforce those rules no matter what.
I would have let her go that's what is wrong with parents now days u all need to let ur kids grow up and give them a cell phone so I can track them
ESH tbh. She should've told her date. He shouldn't have handled it the way he did.
I was not allowed to date until I was 16. At 13 most kids are rash and do not have the best judgement or awareness for self respect or discipline to not do certain things. I would say he is more of a jerk for being ok with his 13 year old having a boyfriend at all. He should know where and who his kids are with unless he wants to get a visit by police or end up on the news with his kid missing or sex trafficked, or found in a shallow grave etc. COMMON SENSE
If I were her day I would explain it to her and not write a story about it on the internet.
What on earth is a 13 year old going on a date anyway??? This dad is bonzo. He's right for making her cancel but he also needs to check his priorities...she's in middle school for goodness sake! She's got plenty of time for boys. 13 is NOT that time!!
Lol are you serious? Kids were "going out" at age 11 when i was a kid back in the 90s. Some were even hooking up, and it was usually the ones whose parents were super strict and wouldn't let them date. They just became great at lying and sneaking out, and would end up in bad situations where they had to stay the night at strangers houses because they weren't allowed to come home at 1am, so they lied about staying at friends houses, and went out to party. Conversely, all the kids whose parents were non judgemental and had a good relationship with their kids & didn't try and stop them from doing what kids do, those kids turned out great, because they knew they wouldn't be in trouble for making mistakes kids make. Id bet money your a Christian. Its always the christian parents who think control is the answer to everything, despite nothing but evidence to the contrary.
Load More Replies... 13 is too young to even be dating, especially in our society right now and secondly dad had every right to do what he did ! She is a freaking kid , a mo or to be more specific and let’s say he let her go and something happened to her: most of the comments would be asking for dads head on a platter. At least if she is in her room pouting he knows where she is !
Personally, I think he didn't have to cancel her date, just should have walked outside and said hi to the date himself. Or told her "you can't go unless your date comes to meet me". Like I think it's weird that he decided to make her cancel the date when there was an easier solution. If she refused to bring her date to meet him even after making that ultimatum then he could have canceled it, but saying "well bc this boy had no idea about the meeting me part you can't go". Like just have her ask him to come to the door? Idk seems so obtuse on both sides. I don't think either of them are a******s, I just think they could have both handled the situation better.
NTA, obviously. However it could just be her sense of fairness causing her stubbornness. After all HIS father (or mother) never insisted they get to meet HER before HE would be allowed out for pizza. (After all, who's to say that the 13yr old girl HE'S supposedly meeting for pizza isn't a 30yr old man?) Anyway It's possible that she is more inclined to believe that what he's asking is an outdated custom. The equivalent of a chaperoned date would have been to us just 15-20 years ago. Unheard of. Though he should have said "OK LAST chance. Text him to either come to the door, or text him you won't be going. Your choice. Now go sit it the living room. I'M ANSWERING MY DOOR."
Then those are careless parents who don't care about their son's safety. Sucks for him.
Load More Replies... She's 13 years old. If anyone thinks she's ready for the minefield that is human relationships, then I have a bridge in Brooklyn to sell you. How many 16 year olds do you know that are ready for parenthood? Ok, kids should not 'date' until at least 16 years old, unless you want to be the unwitting babysitter. I'm the guy your parents warned you about. Trust me when I say this.
I am still stuck at the 13 yr old being allowed to go out on a date. Say what? People will tell you oh yea it’s ok blah blah until the police knocks on your door. We need to stop pushing these kids to be mature adults before they are ready. She has friends let them come over, you order pizza watch them eat it talk and send him home. You are the adult. All it takes is the wrong person, the wrong bad driver, meet up with the wrong crowd. I wish my daughter who is now 22 would have even tried to asked. And the rest of you can be mad all you want. Let these kids be kids as long as they can.
Praise her for owning up to her lie. 13 is a bit young. Pizza dates at this age could be mixed gender, odd number, you pay for the pizza and hang in the background. Plan on these things with her before they happen. She sounds like a great daughter and you're a great father.
Some of my friends and I never dated in high school. A few did, not many. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 19 and away at college. I grew up in a small town. There was really nobody interesting there anyway, plus I was too shy. I drive a school bus. Most 13 years olds are not really mature enough to be dating anyway.
Nta. Its a major red flag that she wouldn't at least have the kid come to the front door. That shouldn't be a big deal. Definitely made the right decision. With all the predators online you have to be careful. She could have met the guy online and even she might not know who he really is. Parents need to stay vigilant and thats all this father did. He gave her one very simple condition and she failed to follow through. This is just good parenting.
13 years old and on a date? Lil young if you ask me. But then, I guess that's showing my age, lol. If I was the father, I'd be darn sure to at the very least be chaperoning. She may not like it, but she's still a child and parents need to take the responsible route. Trust us earned. When it comes to dating, trust is earned. It's a new path in life and imo, hi having a guide traversing that path is a good thing. Though to be honest, I'm definitely having a hard time wrapping my head around letting a 13 year old go on a date. It boggles my mind.
Who's to say the "boy from class" wasn't actually a teacher or some creep preying on her, she's 13 and wouldn't think it's bad if it's someone she thinks is considered trustworthy by everyone. She seems like a sweet girl, but maybe explaining more the dangers of meeting the wrong person and how bringing them to her parents could save her life as she dates throughout her teen years. He could've went out to meet the boy, but it's also a respect thing for the boy to come to the door and approach her parents before taking their child out on a date. You show respect for them AND your date, but she didn't respect her father by at least having her date come meet him before going off with a stranger he doesn't know. So now that kid gets kind of a bad wrap for not introducing himself, and the dad gets a bad wrap from some parents for seemingly "stepping over his daughter's boundaries" when it's the same thing I'd do to my daughters and my sons.
I would say good call on that one. Since it is just about being worried parent. You never know who the guy is or whether he even is a kid. Plus you do want at least something you can tell police if things go bad and out some pressure on the guy to not do anything stupid. Also this sister seems to me to not really be any less if teenager than daughter, considering that she doesn't understand that either. And sure, that rebel stage of growing up is normal, however some rules do have to be established and there should be nothing wrong with being worried parent and wanting to at least say hi to that kid. Like I get kids wanting to be independent, but reality is, they don't have experience or wisdom necessary to make those decisions yet.
In response to that one reddit reply- my mom was (and still is) the cool mom, and she still always met or at least had a phone call with the parents of whoever I was going out with (nothing is close by here, so we needed car rides until we could drive ourselves lol). There's nothing uncool or helicoptery about making sure your kids are safe!! Especially if they're a middle schooler going on a date! I know he's probably just an awkward 13 y/o who doesn't want to meet the dad, because he thinks it will be awkward, but I'd still be concerned that this was some grown a*s child predator cjdkslw
Naw. I have 2 daughters and 2 sons. Small rn but they'll grow up. And no, daughter or son, we're meeting your gf or bf or u don't go. Plus. If it's is a date... you never know if they'll become family or not. But still. And it's a good way to keep ur babies safe. Plus, if kid is already lying about it, he'll no. They lost the going privilege once they lied. Just like they do now. Once you lie about it, that option goes away for a bit.
These are the kind of "punishments" that change your relationship with your kid forever. She will never forget that :/
NTA You should have a long, and probably upsetting discussion with your daughter about dating. Decide what boundaries you are going to set. For example, she can go out with a group of friends at 13, but no dates with a boy until she's 15, and you must meet them first. She will be angry and say you're unfair. Let her know it's not negotiable. Get information on the laws about the age of consent, 18 year-olds are adults. Get the facts about human trafficking and meeting people online. That's where predators go to groom their victims. Tell her you will be monitoring her online activity to help keep her safe. She'll be mad, but that's too bad. Whenever you tell her you're going to check her computer or phone she has to show you or she loses them. I know girls who have been trafficked and it is very scary. Believe it or not, some day she will appreciate it. You are a great dad and she is a normal 13 year-old. Also, tell her you won't tolerate lying.
My daughter is only 5 but believe me you she dating until she is 16 and he best come on in so we can meet him. Curfew is 10 pm.
I'm 45, and been a mom for 26 years to 2 boys. I remember being a teen girl with a father who was 6 foot something, 250, grew up on a farm, and GROWLED at my guy FRIENDS. So, I understand her feelings. Having said that, I wouldn't let my 24 year old son meet his online boyfriend, (or 30 something sister and HER bf) without being there, cause my family won't be someone's leather jacket, thank you very much.
Most of you rely on assumptions but I can't talk as I'm asexual and have no interest in dating chemistry unless it's fanfiction so imma phase out!
Watch out for Henry, looks like the type that like to date children!
Load More Replies... When you’re 13 it doesn’t matter who your meeting, if it’s a “date” it’s potentially dangerous. Sexuality shouldn’t be on the table at 13, and attraction can be said as “friends” to parents. But hiding a person completely is dangerous.
Load More Replies... Wrong. This is *not* an exact parallel to the cat litter story. This story involves a *child*, who can be notorious for making poor decisions, including lying. And since you seem to want to be enraged on behalf of men, and not actually read, everyone here is actually supporting this father. In the cat litter story, the husband was, in fact, a massive, immature douchebag.
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