Woman Wants To Know If She Was A Bridezilla For Scolding Cousin For Going Off To Visit Her Husband’s Grave And Being Late For Bachelorette Dinner
Arriving late for appointments regularly shows that you don’t respect the person you’re meeting enough to care about their time and may show irresponsibility and poor time management skills. It’s a different story if it happens rarely and if there’s a good reason for it.
Although this woman wasn’t very forgiving when her cousin was late for her bachelorette dinner while they were on a trip to New York, despite knowing that she used the opportunity of being in the city to visit her husband’s grave.
More info: Reddit
It’s annoying when someone’s late, but usually you get over it, unlike this bride-to-be who decided to confront her cousin
Image credits: K_Mac6 (not the actual photo)
Despite knowing that the reason she was late because she was visiting her husband’s grave
Image credits: lateatdinner
But the woman thought that the cousin shouldn’t have been running around doing her business on a bachelorette trip
The Original Poster (OP) went on a bachelorette trip to New York and was paying for everything except for the flight and hotel. They were there just for a couple of days but had a busy schedule. On the last day, the women went out for an early dinner, but OP’s cousin Hayley was planning on joining them later.
Hayley lost her husband 5 years ago and he was buried in New York as that is where he was from. We can only assume that the woman doesn’t visit New York too often, because she decided to use that time to go to the cemetery.
Because of that, she was almost an hour late for the dinner and the bride-to-be was not happy about Hayley running off taking care of her own business when it was supposed to be a trip they spent together.
This reaction hurt Hayley’s feelings and she was not in a good mood that day or the day after. The friend group is divided on whether scolding Hayley for being late was right or wrong, but Reddit was more unanimous and deemed the OP a jerk, especially after finding out why the cousin went to the cemetery as at first she didn’t mention who the grave belonged to. They suspected that the bride-to-be omitted the information because she already knew she overreacted.
Image credits: J.K. Califf (not the actual photo)
Various religions and cultures have different traditions of visiting graves but they probably all do it for the same reason. William Spear, who is the Hansen-Spear Funeral Home Director, says that “Visiting the grave of a loved one honors the memory of that person. It is a way of showing that this life had significance on Earth that is not forgotten.”
It might mean different things for different people. William Spear says that some might look at it as a spiritual process. Them being on hallowed ground gives them comfort and it’s a place to contemplate and pray. Others simply come to visit the person as it’s where they are physically. Or they view it as a way to complete unfinished business.
Going to a loved one’s grave is also a part of grieving. Funeral Basics explains that it helps you grieve because “Knowing that you are where they are, or you are in a place special to them, brings a sense of connectedness and closeness that may be less achievable in other places.”
It also usually is a calm and peaceful place so you can stay with your thoughts and process your emotions as well as talk with your loved one. Visiting a grave on special days for that person may become a tradition and people usually find comfort in the fact that the person’s memory is still kept alive.
You can’t put a time frame on these kinds of visits and Hayley was probably already emotional as she was in the cemetery alone with her thoughts and memories so when she was met with an upset bride, she probably felt misunderstood.
Do you think visiting one’s husband’s grave is an acceptable reason to be late? Do you think it would have been possible for her to manage her time better and both visit the cemetery and be on time for dinner? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
Readers, on the other hand, thought that the bride-to-be should have been more compassionate
Image credits: Julie, Dave & Family (not the actual photo)
Like MANY of the comments said, the fact that she deliberately left out that it was her HUSBAND’S GRAVE means she new she was in the wrong. Disgusting.
Yup. Plus she knew ahead of time that's where the poor lady was going. I can understand being upset if your friend/cousin just disappears from a trip without saying a word but what the actual hell?
But the cousin DID tell them where she'd be, and even that she'd be late. It was far more courtesy than the OP deserved, frankly. If the OP wants any kind of meaningful (or any) relationship with her cousin, she should BEG for forgiveness and admit how wrong she was. However, I doubt it.
Right? Not to mention that she probably cried when she was at the gravesite. She probably had to go back to her hotel and fix herself back up. Poor lady.🥺
It's a wonder she even felt up to going out to dinner with a group at all. Probably just felt obligated.
Either she knew how wrong she was, or she honestly didn't think it mattered whose grave the woman was visiting (until people asked). Completely despicable in either case.
Especially since she's participating in WEDDING activities and that's bound to be making her think of her husband. She's already gi en up multiple days of her time and hotel and airfare costs for this woman's bachelorette, which is a lot to ask even while it may be enjoyable and you may be paying for the things someone is doing you as a favor. So she's late to dinner. The rest can eat and they could have texted to ask what she'd like to eat so they could order for her so the kitchen wouldn't be inconvenienced by a late arrival. If she didn't eat it could have been taken as a doggie bag to eat after.
The fact you even have to ask this is horrendous. You are 100% TA and I feel sorry for the poor guy who has to marry you. You're an absolute POS. Your cousin would be better off cutting all ties with you and you owe her a groveling apology for your disgusting behavior.
This comment has been deleted.
You make at 5pm if you want to miss the dinner rush that starts at 6:30, that way you can take your time with a large party without them trying to rush you out for the next table. It can get very busy at NYC resturaunts at night
Probably made it early so that they had more time for night time activities. Judgemental much?
Evening shows on Broadway begin at either 7 or 8PM so if you want to eat first, you make a reservation for 5.
I live in NYC. It gets extremely busy any later than 6:00. She probably make it that early so they can start off with a quick drink and take their time eating/ordering without the people trying to rush out a large group to make room for the next
What's wrong with dinner at 5? I like having dinner at 5, I've been having dinner between 5 and 6 for over a decade now. She's certainly the a*****e for what she did to her cousin but how is it fair to judge her eating habits?
Sounds like you're not aware of how the majority of the world works, but you're calling others "grandma"? You're probably the same type of person who complains when certain things aren't open exactly when you want because you don't understand that the world doesn't work on your whims or personal chosen schedule.
Different regions and cultures eat at different times. I grew up eating dinner at 3 pm. Breakfast at 7am, light lunch around 11, dinner at 3pm, light supper around 7, snack before bed (yogurt and fruit, cereal, that sort of thing). But as young adult I ate dinner around 5, since i worked 7-3:30. Now I eat dinner around 4:30 since I work a dinner rush in the food industry, which btw, is from 5-7:30 in a major US city. Dinner at 5 is not weird at all.
Like MANY of the comments said, the fact that she deliberately left out that it was her HUSBAND’S GRAVE means she new she was in the wrong. Disgusting.
Yup. Plus she knew ahead of time that's where the poor lady was going. I can understand being upset if your friend/cousin just disappears from a trip without saying a word but what the actual hell?
But the cousin DID tell them where she'd be, and even that she'd be late. It was far more courtesy than the OP deserved, frankly. If the OP wants any kind of meaningful (or any) relationship with her cousin, she should BEG for forgiveness and admit how wrong she was. However, I doubt it.
Right? Not to mention that she probably cried when she was at the gravesite. She probably had to go back to her hotel and fix herself back up. Poor lady.🥺
It's a wonder she even felt up to going out to dinner with a group at all. Probably just felt obligated.
Either she knew how wrong she was, or she honestly didn't think it mattered whose grave the woman was visiting (until people asked). Completely despicable in either case.
Especially since she's participating in WEDDING activities and that's bound to be making her think of her husband. She's already gi en up multiple days of her time and hotel and airfare costs for this woman's bachelorette, which is a lot to ask even while it may be enjoyable and you may be paying for the things someone is doing you as a favor. So she's late to dinner. The rest can eat and they could have texted to ask what she'd like to eat so they could order for her so the kitchen wouldn't be inconvenienced by a late arrival. If she didn't eat it could have been taken as a doggie bag to eat after.
The fact you even have to ask this is horrendous. You are 100% TA and I feel sorry for the poor guy who has to marry you. You're an absolute POS. Your cousin would be better off cutting all ties with you and you owe her a groveling apology for your disgusting behavior.
This comment has been deleted.
You make at 5pm if you want to miss the dinner rush that starts at 6:30, that way you can take your time with a large party without them trying to rush you out for the next table. It can get very busy at NYC resturaunts at night
Probably made it early so that they had more time for night time activities. Judgemental much?
Evening shows on Broadway begin at either 7 or 8PM so if you want to eat first, you make a reservation for 5.
I live in NYC. It gets extremely busy any later than 6:00. She probably make it that early so they can start off with a quick drink and take their time eating/ordering without the people trying to rush out a large group to make room for the next
What's wrong with dinner at 5? I like having dinner at 5, I've been having dinner between 5 and 6 for over a decade now. She's certainly the a*****e for what she did to her cousin but how is it fair to judge her eating habits?
Sounds like you're not aware of how the majority of the world works, but you're calling others "grandma"? You're probably the same type of person who complains when certain things aren't open exactly when you want because you don't understand that the world doesn't work on your whims or personal chosen schedule.
Different regions and cultures eat at different times. I grew up eating dinner at 3 pm. Breakfast at 7am, light lunch around 11, dinner at 3pm, light supper around 7, snack before bed (yogurt and fruit, cereal, that sort of thing). But as young adult I ate dinner around 5, since i worked 7-3:30. Now I eat dinner around 4:30 since I work a dinner rush in the food industry, which btw, is from 5-7:30 in a major US city. Dinner at 5 is not weird at all.