“Dodged That Bullet Big Time”: 35 Times A 3rd Person Ruined A Relationship Without Even Cheating
Interview
Some relationships inevitably fail. And it’s only natural to question why. Was it something internal such as the couple having poor communication, different priorities, or a lack of respect for one another? Or was the reason entirely different and out of their control?
One of the external factors that can put an end to a relationship is a person outside of it.
Redditor Heyjalapeno was specifically curious about this, so she started an online discussion with the question “Couples who have broken up because of a third person that did not involve cheating, what happened?” Below you’ll find the most popular answers from people who had their relationships ruined in the most uncanny of ways.
While you’re scrolling through, don’t forget to check out a conversation we had with Heyjalapeno, who kindly agreed to tell us what inspired her to start this interesting debate.
Image credits: heyjalapeno
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Sometimes the third person is a pet. Someone wanted me to get rid of my cat and I said, “Door’s over there."
Teenage girlfriend. She would constantly talk about her best friend and how great he is. She was genuinely in love with him but wouldn't admit it. So I asked him what he thought about her and he was also in love with my girlfriend. so I went to my girlfriend the next day and broke up and had a little fight over it. I told her all about how i know she is in love with her best friend but is too afraid to ask him out because she fears he doesn't reciprocate and doesn't want to ruin the friendship. Then I told her that he is also in love with her and feared the same thing. That was 15 years ago today and I know they're still together. I'm happy for them.
Awww, this is so selfless! Im surprised, how OP handled the situation!
My ex's mom hated me. I'd just turned 18 and never had a relationship before. He was my first everything. I'd shyly told his mom that he was my first boyfriend when I met her over dinner 3 months into our relationship. I had a cut on my lip that night because it was winter and my lips had gotten dry, and she pulled my ex aside to ask if we were using protection because she assumed it was a herpes sore.
Another time at dinner we had chips and salsa. I dipped a chip, took a bite off it, and then was gesturing with the chip while I spoke, and she interrupted me to say "Don't you dare double dip that chip" out of nowhere.
She and her husband owned a million+ dollar home in the rich neighborhood of a major city. My parents made 20k/year combined. She didn't think much of my prospects, clearly.
Joke's on her. My ex is now 40 and still works as a waiter. His wife is an exotic dancer. I make six figures.
Bored Panda reached out to Heyjalapeno who was pleasantly surprised to see her question attracting so many interested people. When asked what inspired her to start this kind of discussion, she said that it was sparked by a conversation she had with a friend who at the time was dating a guy from a different religion. Because of the couple’s differences in faith, marriage for them was quite impossible.
Heyjalapeno shared that “Marrying outside of your religion isn't very common in the South Asian community, and more often than not, it's the parents who present the staunchest opposition for the same. She is going to end her relationship with her boyfriend and marry a man from her community. I just wanted to know if people all over the world have had their relationship broken because of a third person that didn't involve cheating and I was surprised. The answers to my question were like a nightmare come to life.”
There's a reason you never date a momma's boy. You will never, ever win in that scenario.
I had a boyfriend who was extremely insecure. His bros kept telling him he could do better than me because I was not conventionally attractive. He dropped me on their advice. I guess he found out he was not the chick magnet he thought he was. He begged me to take him back but I said I didn't want anyone who was so easily led and flakey. This was a 35 year old man.
Good. He needed to learn his lesson, and you needed a better partner.
Interracial relationship. Her mom was very against it. Didn't know this early on. Became a big issue. Broke up over it for almost two years. Been back together 12.5 years and married for 4.5 years.
Having seen this firsthand and having read so many similar stories from fellow redditors, she firmly believes that a healthy relationship can definitely end because of a third person.
“As much as we want to believe that communication and understanding solves everything, real life does not work that way. Sometimes it's your religion, your friends, your family, or even your pet that can undo a relationship: you reach a place that only goes two ways. That being said, I truly believe a healthy relationship cannot be ruined by a third person but it can end because of one: those two aren't the same thing according to me.”
Her son (he was 9), he was a brat and would bully other kids. We went to a birthday party and he punched another kid and I got mad at him and made him sit with me the rest of the party. Well his mom lost her s**t and told me im not allowed to discipline his son and that im not his father. I broke up with her right there and glad I did, her kid ended up in juvy for stabbing someone.
Single co-workers.
We married young, 2 kids by 23 years of age. I was working 55-60 hrs a week, her only friends were her 4 co-workers who were single and in their early 20's also. A once a week girls night out became 2 nights, then happy hours added, then a girls weekend...became a toxic pattern. She stopped talking to her parents who saw it developing as well.
She left when our kids were 4 & 6 years of age, packed her stuff and moved in w/ one of her co-workers.
Once the kids got into high school, she suddenly wanted to be involved with them.
This happened this week. My now ex (that hurts) boyfriend just started therapy a few months ago at my urging. The therapist helped him realize he wasn’t happy and that he was being dishonest to me by not breaking up. I’m grateful to the therapist for helping him in many ways, but man it hurts the most when there isn’t any major drama, just two people who care very much about each other realizing they aren’t compatible.
Something evident from the people contributing to this discussion was that often opinions or advice from others can impede a relationship. Our interviewee sees both sides to it.
“It's such a double-edged sword getting relationship advice from strangers. On one hand, you get a third-person perspective about your relationship; on the other, it can make you think something is wrong with your relationship even when there isn't. I, however, believe that the only reason you'd look for a third person's perspective (mostly from an anonymous and unbiased jury) is when you already know your relationship isn't what you want it to be.”
Not just a third person but a whole friend group. They knew everything about me, even though I didn't share much about myself.
We had an argument? They knew. I was out with friends? They knew. I was on my period? They knew. I had a bad day at work? They knew. Sex life, or lack of? (We had only dated a few weeks) They knew.
They would start showing up at my usual hangouts to "keep an eye on things" because they didn't like that my friend group was co-ed. I would be downtown and happen to "run into" them. I would be at work and see them walking by multiple times a day.
I understand sharing things with your friends, but there's a line. When your friends are just as involved in the relationship as your SO, it causes issues fast. Take a clingy boyfriend, multiply that by 6, and it's terrifying.
30 year old partner of 8 years joined a band with some 20 year olds. They convinced him that they will never get “big” if they have long term partners holding them back.
20 years later, still not big. Never made it as a musician.
Witnessed another scenario with similar results. “Dude we will be big rockstars soon and all chicks in the world will be ours. So you don’t need this girl anyway.”
His mother. She was so overbearing I felt like I was dating her too. He and I weren't together long. I saw where it was going and bailed early.
My soon to be ex husband wouldn't stop accusing me of cheating on him with my best friend. We are both female and have never done anything to cause him to think that. He seems to think I'm divorcing him because he was right and I must have cheated. Absolutely delusional.
My therapist after many sessions just looked at me and said that every issue in my life is related to my wife and she, the wife, has said she will not change. You work it out. Was a lightbulb moment.
That was some ages ago, but I was dating a new person after a rough breakup.
A few months later, I got tipped that my ex girlfriend was having an ongoing mental health crisis. I notified my new girlfriend I was going to help - yeah, I was angry at her, for sure, but that doesn't mean I'm going to sit and do nothing if she's in trouble.
The plan was just to get her off the street and make sure she gets appropriate psychiatric care. Nothing else. She didn't even have to talk to me.
My new girlfriend was furious, and gave me an ultimatum: if I get involved helping my ex, she's out.
I chose sending my ex to rehab. I stand by that choice. This is how I work. If it bothered her so much, we were clearly not a good match.
Obviously many things leading up to all of which involved me not being a priority. But the last straw:
His sister announced her pregnancy during our engagement party. He gave her the green light to avoid ‘her getting mad at me.’ Engagement was over.
My cousin broke up with her boyfriend of many many years because he became a far right conspiracy nut so I guess you could blame Alex Jones or Joe Rogan for that.
Alex Jones is the one who ranted about democrats putting chemicals in "the water" to turn frogs gay, right?
Does a child count?
I was in a long term (gay) relationship for six years. From the beginning we were both adamantly child-free, not wanting to adopt, go through surrogacy or foster parent. AT ALL.
I moved across the country to follow this person’s job (he’s a foreign diplomat) and even had to spend two years in their home country between diplomatic assignments.
Fast forward to last year and we’re talking about getting married so they can stay here in the states when the current assignment is up, and find a job in the private sector. Then his father starts in with the whole, “I want to continue the family name, you need to have a child,” c**p. We both said no, thank you. Then his dad comes back with, “I will pay for surrogacy and childcare / college.” My spouse then changes his mind, thinking a kid might not be so bad, not listening to what I want at all.
Spouse flies to another state three times to jizz in a cup for the surrogate, I pack my bags the third time and move out.
I gave a negative review of "Rock of Ages" starring Tom Cruise.
I used to gig movie reviews back in the day and my ex's best friend was obsessed with Tom Cruise. I made a critical comment of him and it ignited a fury in her. She told the girl I was seeing it was either me or her - if she was going to date someone who hated Tom Cruise then she wouldn't be her friend anymore. She chose her friend.
No this wasn't high school.
Everyone is entitled to voicing their opinions. Free speech is incredibly important.
I once dated a guy who was more in love with his video games than me. Does that count as a third person?
Religious leader convinced my boyfriend that being gay was a sin and he should be celibate.
Yeah, they tried that on me too. 10 years later and I'm still gay, thank you very much!
My ex-gf slapped me across the face one day out of the blue. I warned her if that ever happened again the relationship was done.
Fast forward a few weeks and we were at my friends birthday party. Lo and behold one of my friends friends (who I had hung out with a couple times) revealed to me she was an ex of his. He then explains that she was f*****g bonkers and would get violent often enough. So after a week or two I broke up with her. Thanks Bill if you’re out there. Saved me a lot of trouble!
Once is enough. When a partner is violent towards you, you leave. Don’t give them a second chance, they’ve shown you who they are, so believe them.
His mom decided that I was her competition and really did everything she could to keep us apart or make us fight. I finally gave up because there was no way I was going to win over his mother. She still threatened me with a gun when I was leaving their house. She actually sent me a message a week or so ago asking for help with medical care. She started the message saying passive-aggressively "hello (misspelled name), I bet you're still hating on me...." She's 65 and I'm 32. She used to always compare the things that we owned and made sure I knew her stuff was more expensive. It was really weird. I did not respond to her message. I really wanted to tell her "I don't f**k your son anymore, so I don't have to put up with you or interact with your passive aggressive b******t"
Edit: she contacted me after 12 years. So when she was comparing her money versus my money, I was only 20 years old and she was 52. Crazy.
Her sister forced herself on me and said that i initiated , i was the first to push her off me , but no one believed me and i was outcasted by her family , three months later my now ex gf tells me how she caught her drunk sister spilling the beans about she made a whole facade to break us up.
My own mother. She had surgery and did absolutely everything to break us apart as she "needed" help. It's been four months and I can't ever forgive my mother.
Her mom lost her house, moved in, and was a terror. I was working 12 hour days doing construction. I'd get home and hop in the shower, and whenever it was just her mom and me in the house, the water would randomly get scalding hot. Set up a camera and saw her running the cold water from every faucet not on the bathroom. Just one of the things she did to me for no discernible reason.
My GF didn't believe me and took her mom's side.
Her "gay" best friend talked her into dumping me. The next day he tried to hook up with her.
My mother in law. She divorced and need a spot to live. So, she moved in with us. She was very intrusive in our lives and relationship. Within a year, we also divorced.
Was in a relationship 2 years or so ago. The ex was in a cult group called sokka gakai and this group had a methodology of putting the young members in touch with older woman who would act as mother figures trying to tell them good from bad and how to prsctice and what now. Ex was brainwashed so bad by this group that all aspects of his life were being affected and he was oblivious to it. I tried raising my concerns against this "woman" and he got so f*****g defensive that she was like a mother to him. We broke up after that for a variety of reason but him being spineless was the majority of it. Later when i shared the entire story of this with my girl-friend she sent me a link about ex sokka gakai member on reddit. And from reading the thread i basically realized that this was modus operandi of the cult memebrs that they would try and break the relationships of ppl in the cult so they can push cult members to form families and thus grow. Even had a specific special term for kids born in the cult to two practicing members.
Dodged that bullet big time and thank GOD everyday for it!
My husband, I and his sister started living together during the lockdown.
I started to realise things. How I did not have any friends anymore. I finally had a chance to compare how she interacted with me and how he did. I started to notice more emotional abuse.
She and I started to hang out more and he became more and more distant.
In the end, I divorced him. Do not talk to either of them. Even though I am thankful to her.
My ex boyfriend and I broke up because of his ex wife.
They were separated moving towards divorce when he and I met. She ran off with his best friend so no chance of reconciliation. But over the almost year and a half that he and I dated, he was never able to set boundaries with her or hold her accountable.
She financially ruined him. Opened cards in his name to fund her affair, but he wouldn’t report fraud. She stopped paying on her car, which was in his name, and when the license plates and tags showed up in the mail, he just handed them over to her. She took his dog in the separation, but any time she wanted to dip out of town, she would leave the dog with him for free pet sitting, regardless of his availability to accommodate. So on and so forth.
We fought about it all the time - I was picking up the tab during travel and dining out, and he was letting her walk all over him. But he thought if he played nice, he could protect his pension from her.
She only would’ve been entitled to 50% of 2.5 years of retirement, which is a drop in the bucket over a 30 year career. He did all of this to protect a small fraction of his pension.
Now I don’t date separated or newly divorced men.
This idiot "life coach" she's known since high school. I can't blame him for everything but this f*****g moron just coached to shreds my marriage of 23 years.
His mentally ill brother.
To make a long story short, his brother insisted on living independently and far away from us. He was never able to properly care for his health, mental or physical, and was continually getting into situations where my partner had to leave for long periods to fix things and care for his brother. It ruined my partner's career, drained our finances, and left my partner totally emotionally depleted.
TL/DR: my dad’s narcissistic gf broke my fiancé and I up twice while convincing my fiancé she was bipolar and possible schizophrenic.
A bit of a long story (took place over the course of 5 years), but the short of it is that my dad’s girlfriend has broken my fiancé and I up twice. We used to live/work with them on and off while my fiancé and I were in school.
The first time we broke things off she had tried to convince my fiancé that I was some deadbeat a-hole. I admit I wasn’t as attentive as I could have been, I was working 2 jobs (including the one with them) and was a full time student, so my priorities weren’t quite where they should have been. After breaking things off my fiancé and I talked about what happened, decided we just needed a step back to reflect, but not a full blown breakup.
We did well for a few years, during which my dad’s GF convinced my fiancé that she was bipolar (possibly schizophrenic), she would go to my fiancés doctors appointment with her and got her prescribed an ever changing cocktail of meds, it turns out it’s hard to find the right balance of meds when you’re treating a problem you don’t have. My dad’s gf also convinced my fiancé she could never be a mother and should get a hysterectomy (luckily the doctors refused), when the idea was discussed with my I was confused because my fiancé always wanted kids, but my dads gf made it clear I didn’t have a say. My fiancé and I often talked about how things weren’t right and we needed to change something, but we felt stuck.
This all culminated in my fiancé having a mental breakdown (understandable so) and asking to be brought to a mental health facility. While there, my dads gf decided that my fiancé had “abandoned us” and that I needed to break up with her. Emotions were high and I knew I couldn’t let my fiancé come back, but I couldn’t think of any other way to get her out, so I reluctantly broke things off.
She left, we started talking again a couple weeks later after we both thought about what happened. My fiancé agreed that the only way to get her to not come back was to do what I did, so there’s thankfully no hard feelings. I have since left and my fiancé and I are back together and doing well. We haven’t talked to my dad and his gf since.
Narcissism is a hell of thing.
I'm glad they got back together and cut of the toxic dad and his girlfriend
She made a friend who introduced her to the poly lifestyle.
The friend didn't break anyone up. Their partner just realized she wanted something else. People change as they grow and learn.
Note: this post originally had 79 images. It’s been shortened to the top 35 images based on user votes.
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This might get down voted, but I completely believe this: my third person was God. I was in a horribly abusive relationship during my junior and part of my senior years of high school. One day after a particulary horrid fight, I prayed and prayed for what to do. I suddenly felt very strongly that I should break up with him, and where and when to do it. I believe that God gave me the strength to escape, and idk if I would have otherwise
I’m not personally a believer but this is why faith can be important
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All these stories of overly involved mothers 😬 I really lucked out, my MIL may have been a drug addict but she was one of the most loving and accepting people I have had the honor of knowing. She would remind me every time I saw her how blessed she was to call me her daughter. I miss her. 😔
If it's not an overbearing MiL it's "their best friend" or friend group. Apparently asocial loners like me make the best partners because I don't drag anybody else's s**t into the relationship.
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about 90% of relationships {that are not like medical or cheating} Can be shoved if PEOPLE WOULD FU*KING TALK TO EACH OTHER AND NOT LIE, I have never Told a lie to my "other halfs" but we broke up it was because they refused to talk to me and would lie......Right now I'm with a wonderful man, we never lie to each other, if we get upset, we might scream or something, but we talk it out, we don't hit or run to the other room, if we are upset we speak louder, but we talk
This might get down voted, but I completely believe this: my third person was God. I was in a horribly abusive relationship during my junior and part of my senior years of high school. One day after a particulary horrid fight, I prayed and prayed for what to do. I suddenly felt very strongly that I should break up with him, and where and when to do it. I believe that God gave me the strength to escape, and idk if I would have otherwise
I’m not personally a believer but this is why faith can be important
Load More Replies... All these stories of overly involved mothers 😬 I really lucked out, my MIL may have been a drug addict but she was one of the most loving and accepting people I have had the honor of knowing. She would remind me every time I saw her how blessed she was to call me her daughter. I miss her. 😔
If it's not an overbearing MiL it's "their best friend" or friend group. Apparently asocial loners like me make the best partners because I don't drag anybody else's s**t into the relationship.
Load More Replies... about 90% of relationships {that are not like medical or cheating} Can be shoved if PEOPLE WOULD FU*KING TALK TO EACH OTHER AND NOT LIE, I have never Told a lie to my "other halfs" but we broke up it was because they refused to talk to me and would lie......Right now I'm with a wonderful man, we never lie to each other, if we get upset, we might scream or something, but we talk it out, we don't hit or run to the other room, if we are upset we speak louder, but we talk
