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This Community For Pet Owners Helps Them To Understand If Their Pet’s Actually A Jerk (33 Examples)
Interview
Has your pet ever done something that made you think “behind those cute eyes hides a furry jerk?” Turns out there is a whole Reddit community dedicated to people presenting stories from their pets' perspective in order to find out whether they are a cloaca.
Oh, if you’re wondering, a cloaca is what lots of vertebrate animals have for a butt. That’s the best way I can describe it and make sure your lunch stays where it should be at the same time.
More info: Reddit
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AITC for bite feet?
I am cat 11 years old. Sometimes when I'm on the bed I see feet and I bite. I am torn on this; one one hand bite is bad, but on the other hand I am a Cat and I saw the feet.
AITC?
Am I Cloaca for taking care of hoomin kitten?
I am old lady kitty, is 16yo. I have been taking care of the same hoomin for 15 years. She is expecting a furless kitten of her own and I’m trying to teach her how to care for it. She is not learning.
I keep telling her she needs to keep the growing kitten warm. And I show her by sleeping on tummy and moving about to keep temperature regulated. Hoomin gets frustrated that I won’t settle down and my moving about is “uncomfortable."
I is not chonky by any means, and keeps a slim 6.5lbs, but hoomin says my paws, claws, and biscuit making hurt where the kitten is growing.
Am I cloaca for wanting to keep the tummy kitten the right temperature??
(The male hoomin doesn’t listen either. He claims “allergic” but at least is smart enough to know I outrank him due to my greater age and experience.)
——————
(Human edit… I just got home from work and Mindy (my queen kitty) is snuggling next to me. Thank you everyone for the comments, they have made my week. I’m smiling so much reading all of them!)
AITC for sits where fits?
Title says all. Am Muffins the cat (4F) who like to sits where fits. Specifically on laptop.
The maître d' who serve food say NO IS HIS LAPTOP NO CAT SIT THERE. (He also no sit on laptop, which seem like wasted opportunity)
I say yeah but (a) I fits, therefore I sits and (b) if laptop not for sits why it made of warm?
Am genuinely trying to be good cat but can’t see any holes in my logic.
AITC?!?
For this article, Bored Panda reached out to the AITC moderation team and got in touch with u/techiesgoboom and u/Moggehh, who are also moderators for the AITA community.
AITC for HISS HISS at intruder until she GO AWAY?
I am Mr Business (6M Tuxedo) and guardian of house. Mummy say I am ‘complete himbo’ which means ‘most important special boy ever’. Have little sister, Maisie (6F Tuxedo) and on the other day daddy did put her in a carry box and she went away forever.
Daddy come back with carry box but NOT WITH SISTER. WITH INTRUDER. So I do HISS HISS make her go away. Mummy says ‘NO HISS IT YOUR SISTER!’ But I know it is not sister because SMELL WRONG. It is INTRUDER.
Intruder show no signs of GO AWAY. She here and only I know she SMELL WRONG SO NOT SISTER. Mummy and daddy keep telling me off and say IS SISTER but I am RIGHT and they are WRONG.
So AITC?
Mummy here. It is Maisie. We took her to the vets. It’s been 4 days of him acting out, and we’ve tried everything. I rubbed them both with vanilla extract today because I’m scraping the barrel of how to fix this! Now I have two stressed out cats who smell like cake 🙃
EDIT: update from mummy - the vanilla worked?!?! Harmony is restored!
AITC for yell at dad when take babies?
(OOC: Dolly is my foster cat, she can’t be spayed until her babies are adopted in case anyone asks why she has babies. Will post cat tax when I’m out of school. Never written one of these before sorry if it sucks)
Hello. I Dolly, I not know my age, and I have lots of babies! 6 whole babies! I love them very much and temporary dad loves them too. I love dad so much! I follow him everywhere even though he tells me to ‘not get attached.’ I not know what that means. I like to sit in loaf in sun on dads lap and talk to him. He is good dad. Except one thing.
He takes my babies! He picks them up and puts liquid in their little mouths and puts them on a plate with numbers on it and tells me ‘Yay! Your babies are growing!’ I don’t care! I want my babies! I know dad would never hurt babies, but I express my displeasure by yelling at dad even after all my babies are back in box.
Dad pets me and feeds me and I am teaching babies that dad is good dad so they don’t hiss. But how does dad repay me? By making babies eat yucky juice! And he makes me eat it too! He says it ‘medicine’ and that babies have ‘a cold.’ I don’t care! I show my displeasure by yelling. Dad says he trying to help but I no believe it. AITC?
Cassie adopted me when I was 1 and she was 7. We’ve been together through thick and thin. My human has moved us around a lot but she always takes me with. Sometimes, Cassie would have no money and she would still prioritize keeping my food dish full and my litter box clean. She also leaves the sink faucet running 24/7 , because she knows I like my water crisp and straight from the tap. I guess you could say she really loves me!
Here’s where I may be the cloaca: My Cassie decided she wanted to see her human litter across the country. The thing is, as soon as she left, I started to get sick. Like really, really sick. The strange human checking in on me noticed that I wasn’t eating. I knew I was already on the last of my 9 lives, but I was hoping I could at least wait for my Cassie to come home. I tried, but I couldn’t hang on any longer.
My human has been crying her eyes out ever since. She put my urn and collar next to my favorite sink and sometimes leaves the water running for me. I feel awful about this, but I don’t think I’m coming back, and I think deep down, Cassie knows this too.
I’ve assigned Cassie’s other pet, a dog named Tracer, the duty of watching over her now in my stead.
AITC for leaving my human?
Similarly to techiesgoboom (and Moggehh for that matter), other moderators of Am I The Cloaca are also mods of the AITA sub and they decided to create the community as an April Fool’s joke in 2021. “We pretended to be completely earnest about creating this new sub and announcing it, and the real joke was we kept the sub around because people had fun.”
AITC for using human poop paper for my poop?
I (2M, SIC) am a very smart kitty, my mommy often says I’m too smart for my own good.
Usually I use the kitty litter box to poop, but recently I noticed the humans would use a roll of soft paper after they go poop in the tall white human litter box. They poop in the box, then they cover it with a few layers of the poop paper.
I wanted to try it too, so I pulled a roll of the poop paper off the shelf, dragged it to my litter box and tugged on it until it became big, long strips of paper. Then I pooped on the floor near the litter box and covered it with the poop paper, making it into a neat pile.
I’m very proud that I figured out the human secret of how to use poop paper. But mommy says I am the cloaca because I pooped on the floor instead of the litter box. But I thought I was doing everything right! Surely this is how the humans use poop paper too.
AITC for using human poop paper?
Silly soft can-openers. They buy the paper, then get mad you use it. I'd cut their snuggle time.
AITC for giving kisses?
hello my name butters. i am just a kid still (3 months old so pls be nice to me) and i know there still many much to learn.
mother is best human ever! she sleeps in my room with me every night and it makes me sooooo happy. I sit on her chest and purr and purr and she gives pets and cuddles and it is best thing ever.
but problem! I give her kisses on her nose, many kisses, licklicklicklicklick and then to make sure she KNOWS i love her i do many more kisses in her nose holes. have long tongue, so i can give big kisses! LICKLICKLICKLICKLICK
but mother! she say no! and then removes me! fine, no nose? lets try eyes. SAME RESULT.
AITC? does mother not love me anymore? am i doing it wrong?
EDIT: i just heard mother say it must not be my turn with the briancell, she think i am DUMB??
AITC for demanding löve?
Am Moira, 5f tortie floof. I want all the löves an say so every day. But sometimes I dont get the löves! Sometimes my dads hug each other, but not me! This makes me Offended! So i screm my displeasure, especially when they cuddle but not cuddle me. How dare.
Aitc for demanding all the löves?
For this year’s April Fool’s, they created AITG - Am I The Grasshole. The community’s description reads: “A catharsis for the morally frustrated horticulturist in all of us, and a place to finally find out if you were wrong in an argument that's been bothering you. Tell us about any non-violent lawncare related conflict you have experienced; give us both sides of the story, and find out if you're right, or you're the grasshole.”
AITC for objecting to blanket theft
I, Dragon (2m cat) am the proud owner of two humans, V (51 m) and L (35 nb). Yesterday, L went to a faraway place called IKEA, which sells cat blankets.
L returned with a wonderful new fleecy blanket, which is good and very comfortable. As a connoisseur of fleecy blankets, I was initially delighted.
However, L commited A CRIME! L took the fleecy blanket into the FORBIDDEN OFFICE ROOM because they "get cold while they work." I sobbed a lot over this, as I had already lain on the new fleecy blanket and found it good.
L attempted to remedy the situation by exchanging the new fleecy blanket with an older one that I had previously slept on, but I do not think this is a good compromise, so I yelled about this too. After all, I own the old fleecy blanket in addition to the new one! If L wishes a fleecy blanket of their very own, they can just get their own! As long as I do not ever see it and certainly never touch it or lay upon it, I am willing to allow L to use it (although of course it would still be my property which I am entitled to).
L says I am a cloaca for continuing to cry about fleecy blanket theft, because I definitely have the same number of fleecy blankets that I had yesterday and I had two blankets for all of five minutes while they "unloaded the car."
I think I am not the cloaca because in those five minutes I learned that I had been deprived of extra fleecy blankets for my entire life and also the new blanket is clearly mine by right of conquest
AITC for career development???
I am cat (4F) small business owner. I employ two staff members: (1) hooman (34M) and (2) robot (age ?? gender ??).
robot is punctual and always performs the feeding duties on schedule. But they do not go above and beyond AT ALL. I have told them many times that they need to do more than the bare minimum, but they NEVER respond to feedback.
hooman has better communication skills, but is so LAZY and UNMOTIVATED. He will perform two feedings and two snack times daily and that’s IT. I had to cajole and micromanage him for the other four snack times.
the other day I tried giving human more DIRECT feedback so I used his chest as springboard. but he did not like the feedback and rejected it!
should i not have given feedback? I am tired of micromanaging but the employees do not take initiative. By the way I co-own the business with my idiot brother (4M) but he is useless and leaves all the hard work to me.
AITC here?
AITC for showing that my teeths still work?
Hello! My name is Betty (8F) and I am a beautiful tortie kitty!
So, a few weeks ago, Daddy took me to the scary needle place and LEFT me! I don't remember a lot because they poked my butt and then I fell asleep. But when I woke up, my teeths! They were gone! Not all teeths but so many! When I go home Mama said she was sorry but doesn't my mouth feel better now? This is true but I am still very upset that my nice sharp teeths are GONE.
Yesterday I was sleeping on Mama's shoulder and then she and Daddy grabbed me! So mean! Then Mama gets the scary sharp blades and holds my paw and pushes my claws out! This means they are going to "clip my nails" which is VERY SCARY and I DO NOT LIKE IT but Mama says they have to do it.
Usually Daddy holds my mouth closed but he did not do a very good job this time. I think maybe Daddy thinks I cannot bite very hard because they STOLE my teeths? But ha! I show him! I still have some teeths and they are still sharp! He yelled "ow ow Betty why" and then I wiggled so much that Mama had to let me go with two claws left.
My peoples say that IATC because I hurt Daddy (twice). I say that they are the cloacas because they know I DO NOT LIKE having my nails clipped but they do it anyway, and so soon after stealing my teeths! Who is the real cloaca here?
I’m curious, what’s the medical reason for removing a cat’s teeth?
The announcement post for AITG suggested that the subreddit is perfect for resolving issues like your neighbors’ lawn overtaking yours or if you’re a bee unable to feed because everyone is massively removing dandelions from their yards. The sub has 3k members since being created only 11 days ago with some funny grass-related posts, if you’re into that.
AITC for no celebrate Sssaint Patrick'sssss Day?
Am Oliver Twist. Am fabulousss corn snekko live in Dublin. Today was so terrible day for me.
This Sssaint Paddy person offensive to my people. Is racisssst. Should be Sssaint Snek Day. I stay in my hollow log all day in protessssst. I no even get mouse today as apology offering. Mom say I big cloaca but I sssstick to my principlessss. So AITC?
AITC for screm? I have a CLINICAL DIAGNOSIS!!!
Am Leo, medium-Old floof. Recently posted about Mother making the rain but she has stopped its ok.
What hasn't stopped is my night time screms. I've been waking Mother up more and more since the BIG rain, and Mother kept asking me please not to. To which I screm. I screm until the neighbours upstairs bang on the ceiling. I screm until Sister baps me. I screm until Mother cries because she is so tired.
She says, "Leo, my baby, my love. Please stop screaming. I feel like you're just in the habit from all the rain lately but it has stopped so you need to as well. I will take you to the vet but I'm not convinced anything is wrong. Please, my baby, stop I'm so tired."
To which, I of course, screm. If she pats me, I will stop, I like pats, but she doesn't want to encourage my screms even more so she doesn't give me scritchies, even if I screm very long and loud!
One night I wake her up "six" times (I don't count but Mother says this is a lot) and she gets out the Bad Cage and takes me to the vet!
The take ALL of my blood and poke me more than "six" times with sharps and they only fed me after many years, I was so skinny. They told Mama I scremed like I had never been fed before when they gave me wet food and Mother was embarassed. This is true, Mother has NEVER given me wet food, ever. Except for every night for the last 12 years. Never.
The vet told mother I was very floofy and beautiful and my eyes were very blue. This is when I knew she was very wise and we must listen to her carefully. She says everything is normal and she doesn't think it's dementia. She says I probably just really like to screm and have "Old Man Brain" (OMB). Mother did a laugh (???!!!)
That night I was SO tired from all the pets and pokes and regrowing all my blood that I slept through the night. I have only woken her up a bit since then and only with small single mews.
I am considering whether I should start to screm big again??? I now have my official diagnosis of OMB, it is very serious, I need wet food and pats and sometimes, I need to do big screms! But only at night when mother is sleeping. This is the easiest time for her to appreciate it.
So AITC for screms? Please remember my official diagnosis of OMB before you say I am NTC
hi
am snek 🐍 v smol and frenly. mi name is Snickerdoodle & this is my story.
human bring me home from Craigslist (wat is dat??) & say she need to clean my tank. so human (1st time snek owner) foolishly think “I will put snek in smol container w/o proper fitting lid”
so while human cleaning my poop outta da tank…. I decide to sssslither out of stoopid container. I finded the bathroom and there it was: da perfect hiding spot! Behind da human’s porcelain litter box was a smol hole in da wall that lead to vvvv comfy plumbing system. I decide “yesss this will do” and I hide from human.
Human crieded. She must thought “Snickerdoodle such good hide & seeker!!”
She leave food outside every hole in da wall: behind washer, behind dryer, under da sinks… but I no give up my spot.
Until 1 day, human come home from work, and she open da bafroom door to poop. And there I was! Right next to porcelain litter box! Sssssurprise!
Human was v v v overjoyed I gave up my hiding spot but she say I no allowed to play hide & sssseek anymore.
AITC?
AITC for practice faith?
Dis Muffins (4F cat). Is having conflict with human.
Muffins like to sit many place. Warm laundry, face of sleeping human, laptop, on top curtain rod, dirty McDonalds bag, in wash machine, in front of TV. List not exhaustive.
Let Muffins be VERY CLEAR: Muffins definitely FIT in every one of these place.
As you may know, Cat Scripture say “Thus sayeth the Cat Lord: Cat who fitteth shall be Cat who sitteth.”
Muffins very devout in faith. But human say stuff like “oh FFS there’s a million places you could’ve sat and you chose to sit right in front of the TV?!? and ”DAMMIT I’M TRYING TO SLEEP GET OFF MY FACE”
AITC for standing up (sitting, technically) for religious liberty?!?
Another moderator for AITA and AITC, Moggehh, pointed out that their favorite parts of the Cloaca community are the pet photos that people share and how chill everyone usually is. As AITC began as a AITA spinoff sub with minimal traffic, it’s nice to see that it has gotten considerably bigger after being linked on a popular sub and now has lots of posts daily. “After a while it was linked on a popular sub and now there are so many posts every day! I'm so glad that even with some minor growth, the community has managed to stay so positive and heartwarming,” Moggehh adds.
ATIC for take Daddy's shiny face toy?
I am Shadow 3yo Russian Blue and bestest cat ever.
Daddy wears shiny toy on face during day. Puts on table at night. Is toy because it skitters across the table if I bap bap it. Last night I bap bap, and it skitter skitter and fall onto rug. So I take and put in my SUPER SEEEKRIT TOY HIDING PLACE which is behind couch.
Daddy wake up this morning and look for shiny toy. He forget to feed me because he looking for toy! I yowl at Daddy to remind him. He tell me he need his "glazzes" and make grumpy noises. Mommy give Daddy his "backup glazzes" and Daddy go off to work and not feed Shadow!
Mommy put food in bowl, but is not real food unless Daddy does it. I get out shiny toy and give to Mommy so she tell Daddy to come home and feed me. Mommy say I am cloaca.
Then she take shiny toy away and SHE go to work.
Shadow not get food from Daddy this morning! AITC?
AITC for plant-based diet?
Hello hello, it is me again, Socks (6, M). You remember, I am big fluffy gray cat who needs cuddles with Friend and needs them all the time. I am NTC for this, you said.
Big problem. Past few weeks, Friend run late for Night Time Cuddle Time. This is best time of day: Friend in bed for sleep, Socks is little spoon for sleep.
But Night Time Cuddle Time starts later and later. Friend say “long day” and “busy month” and “big work project” and “capitalist hellscape”. She say “I’m so sorry my sweet little angel I know it’s late but I can’t go to bed just yet.” She say Socks should sit on her lap instead.
But lap is not little spoon in bed. Friend knows this. So I remind her. I walk on laptop keyboard. I push pens off desk. I jump on book case to reach pothos plant. I wait ‘til Friend sees then give pathos plant tiny chomp. Tiny tiny.
Friend say “no Socks don’t eat that!” but still I chomp. I look right at her and chomp chomp chomp on pothos plant. I do not take big chomp because it is yucky and I do not like tummy aches or trips to the vet. But I take tiny chomp to show Friend I mean business. Then I sit and stare at her.
Friend bring Socks favorite toy. I do not move from next to pothos plant (very hard!!!!!!!). Friend add food to Socks bowl. I do not move from next to pothos plant (also hard!!!!!!!!). Friend put laptop away and say “okay okay I guess it’s bedtime” and then yes I move from next to pothos plant. Now I am little spoon. Hee hee.
Friend say Socks never chomp on plants unless manipulation tactic (true hee hee). Therefore, Friend say I am cloaca. Um…??? No…???
AITC for plant-based diet?
AITC for sharing my water?
Am Cat and own house where I let humans live for free. Very nice of me. They do not pay rent but they make all meals and open doors for me when I want. If they slack I bite but not so hard cause they can’t help not being Cats.
I let the old humans share my bed as I am most hospitable. Young humans have other beds, those are also mine. Now to the issue: Old humans keep glasses of water at bedstand. I consider that our water but they do not want to share and lift me away whenever I take a sip. Rude!
Male human stopped with waterglass but Female human thought she was sneaky and put it on bed frame instead but I found it. After drinking I tipped it out over her head to teach lesson. She screamed but since she was awake she might as well give me food I thought. Instead she closed the bedroom door on me quite forcefully.
I say she is the cloaca but both old humans says I was. I think that as I am Cat I am never the cloaca
AITC for cannonball?
Am Mika, Torbie chonk (9F). At zoomie time (mum calls "freaking 3AM Mika!") I like to do cannonball. Cannonball is fun and gets good bounce.
Mum says I do "Parkour zoomies" because I jump up and off all the things. Mums bedhead is big and solid and tall. I like to climb up- high of course! Am talented- and then do big scream so mum can wake up and watch.
I am very good at cannonball.
Then I jump straight onto mums stomach and do a big bounce and more zooms. Sometimes I have to use nails because mums blankets are slippery and good form is important in a cannon ball.
Mum says MITC because cannonball, sometimes spiky cannonball, but I say Mika Is NOT The Cloaca because cannonball is fun. Mum is awake when I land on her stomach because am polite and screm first. She gets to watch my cannonball so I don't see the problem.
So AITC for cannonball?
I am Henri (1F) and I am Queen and Cannonball is how I tell the mama it is time to stop the sleep. She makes the loud noise every time but is my job and your job.
Moggehh finds the AITC stories relatable and silly in a way they can appreciate. They have only posted on the sub once, when it was founded, detailing how their cat had broken their most favorite mug in some late-night shenanigans.
Their all-time favorite story is the “AITC for bite feet” one, which you can find in this article. It details a common struggle of cat owners - pets attacking their feet when they are hanging out over their bed. The story even has an update a year later with the cat getting reflexively smacked in the face by the owner’s foot.
If you were wondering, that story does have a happy ending: “Since then I don't bite feet as much, especially when he's asleep. But don't worry I do still bite, just not as much as I did."
AITC for being baby?
I (16/f/tabby) am usually very confident and i know i'm a cute and soft baby. I bask in my human's love everyday and take their pets and compliments like a benevolent queen. But recently something happened that made me question my sanity: the humans had other humans over, two tall ones, a small loud one and an even smaller, wiggly one.
The small loud one was not a problem, she recognized my royalty right away and appeased me with treats and pets. But the wiggly one tried to usurp my title of baby! He rested on a quilted blanket in the middle of the room while everybody (including MY humans!!) cooed and smiled at him. They even called him cute and gave pets!!!!
Now here's where i might be the cloaca: to show them that I AM BABY i took center stage on the blanket and laid down right next to the wiggly one as a perfect catloaf. But instead of redirecting their adulations at me, the humans started LAUGHING AND TAKING PHOTOS. Why would they humiliate me so? Was i in the wrong for trying to reclaim my title? Am i the cloaca here?
AITC for saving snacks for later?
Am gecko. Very cute. Sometimes I eat mealworms, other times I eat crickets. Depends on what "pet store" has. Sounds fake but whatever.
When crickets fall from sky, sometimes I don't eat all of them right away. Maybe they too fast, maybe I don't feel like it. But they make nice chirp sounds.
Issue: they make nice chirp sounds a lot, sometimes late at night. APPARENTLY the pinkish lady cricket dispenser cannot sleep with too much chirping. She says, "La Fonda can you please just eat the crickets." I say, "why don't you eat the crickets." She say, "you're so cute, I wish you could talk." But we are literally talking?????
Here's where I may be the cloaca. I don't care if they chirp. Not my problem. But crickets annoy pinkish lady cricket dispenser and I like her, she is warm and we snuggle. So AITC?
AITC for sneeze on my waiter?
Hello everyone, I’m Joshua (7M). Me and my roommate Tatu (6M) have a pretty good situation going on. Twice a day the human waitstaff comes and hand feeds us! Lots of people come, but there are always some consistent humans (restaurant managers, I assume?) that hold our special pellets and tell the waiters how to best hand us our salad.
Yesterday one of the managers was hand feeding me pellets after all of the waiters had gone, but she wasn’t doing it fast enough! So to let her know I was unhappy with her, I did a sneeze right on her.
She was really unhappy with that and said we were done eating because she had to change her shirt and wash her face!
It was only a little sneeze though. I think she might be overreacting, but she did seem very upset.
Oh also I forgot to mention. I’m a giraffe if that matters. Reddit, AITC?
AITC for demand lift??
Hello. I am Minnie (17??F). I am an old lady and my bones are not what they used to be. I CAN NO LONGER JUMP PROPERLY. This is not always problem. My human (27F) has looked after me all my life and is happy to lift me onto her (my) bed or up the stairs.
Problem is only when she refuses! When she is "sleeping" or "working" or "not here" I have to drag myself up! THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.
The only solution is obviously to scream. Sometimes this works. Sometimes I rustle bag or scratch wooden box next to bed. Either way she wake up or stop doing "work" or someone else gives lift. She always give attitude though!!!! Says I am a "Karen" for being so demanding!!!
She says she needs sleep to do work to provide money for catnip. I think this is lie, but AITC??
Moggehh finishes the interview by saying that they love how the posts come from the animals’ perspective. “I think it's a wholesome creative exercise to put yourself in the paws or claws of a totally innocent pet.”
But perhaps these pets aren’t always as innocent as they may seem, Moggehh says, and directs us to the /r/guiltydogs and /r/IllegallySmolCats subreddits for some examples.
“Some people go all out to speak as their pets and it absolutely sends me. I have mad respect to the people that commit to the bit.”
AITC for enhanced interrogation?
I Dorothy (2f glorious tabby). For second time this summer, I find large cricket in house. INTRUDER! I need to know who sent intruder cricket and what mission is.
So I do little cronch and carry to basement, then back up to living room, then cronch, then to human servant bedroom. Then I do more little cronch. Then another carry. Then little cronch.
Human servant come into bedroom and use dustpan to take away intruder and put outside. She say I cloaca for remove two legs and just little bit of body and still cronch. I point out that intruder have four whole legs left and intruder still look pretty lively, given circumstances!
I say human is cloaca for interrupt my enhanced interrogation. She say “we follow the Geneva Convention in this house” and “you don’t need to torture it, just kill it” and “please stop leaving mutilated crickets in my bed.”
Human is cloaca, right?
AITC for being hygienic?
I (7m) like to be clean and tidy. I lick my furs, I bury my poops (usually), I even help my roommate (30s f) sometimes by licking her arm.
Today I used my litterbox and kicked litter the normal way, then wiped my bum on roommate's bed. She called me gross!
But how can I be gross? I have a clean bum. I'm hygienic.
I think she is gross because she has poop on her bed. I smelled it and it made me scrunge my face. Yuck.
AITC?
NTC. Hooman shouldn't have a bed if she thinks Ur gross for the hygienic approach to life
AITC for recognizing bed even when human is wearing it?
Hello, I am Diana, or Diana the Queen of the Household, or Stop That Diana, or some other words that I am too pure and innocent to understand. I am a 1 1/2 year old slinky voidcat.
Here is my problem. I have a favorite cat bed. It is nubbly and it smells nice and I love to make biscuits in it. Today my fake-mom (she is okay, but Dad is the only real hoomin) PUT MY BED AROUND HER SHOULDERS!! Of course I started sniffing and making biscuits. That's when I got called Stop That Diana again. Fake-mom says this is a "sweater". It doesn't smell like hoomin sweat. It smells nice.
Fake-mom called me another of my important titles, Diana You Idiot, and took the "sweater" (really bed) off and put it on the bed. Now I am making biscuits and purring again.
Mom (okay, she's a little bit mom sometimes) said some of the words I am too pure to know and told me she was freezing. Is it my fault she was wearing cat bed?
MINE MINE MINE?
MINE am seagull MINE. Am take bag and MINE dump bag on MINE wet beach and MINE MINE bag blow away and all stuff MINE get MINE dump in MINE MINE MINE sand and I shake MINE hat to kill drag and MINE MINE stomp on beach MINE towels and make MINE biggest mess. A MINE the cloaca?
AITC for recruiting my sister to MLM?
Me Tiger (11 months, black tabby) have been working as Amway salesman for couple months now. I knock loudly on door, sound just like hooman. Recently I recruited little sister Flash (11 months, ginger) in my downline. She door knocks very well, not as loud as me, but customer can hear. I very proud of how quick she learns. Right now napping on sofa earning some passive income while she out making sales. Anyways, hooman mum thinks me exploiting her one orange braincell for profit. I no think so, I give her earning opportunity! And she not dumb, one orange braincell just racist stereotype! Am I good brother or am I cloaca?
wibtc if i ate my new friend
helo. nother post from charlie coming at u. i rlly like dis subreddit it is fun :)
ok so my dad has Very Special Friend who comes over to House all the time. he is kind of step dad. i like him very much he takes me in his car and gives me belly rubs so he is pretty cool
however. .. he smells like cat and dad says he has a cat at his house. and that soon, if the Special Friendship goes well, the cat AND new dad will come live with me and dad.
this is terrible for two reasons
I hate cate. i never met one before and every time i see one i go apes**t buck wild balls to wall bananas insane. im talking absolutely nuts crazy. i hate them
i am hunry all the time and cat is perfect snack size. head fit in mouth
i have come up with a solution to both problems. it is that i eat the cat. this way i am no longer hunry AND the cat is gone.
i floated this idea to dad and he got very mad. he said Reggie is part of the family and i cannot eat him because everyone will be very sad. i do not believe this. how can anyone like a cat? they are so weird
so redit would i be the cloaca if i ate cat thnaks
AITC for bap bap babies?
Maui, 1 year old orange prince. My moms brought home 5 tiny nuisances, say they are “foster kittens.”
I do not like these intruders, and when the kittens are let out of their room (it used to be MY room, they stole it!) I bap bap them with my paws when they go by or annoy me.
Moms say “mean Maui! Don’t hit babies! They’re just babies!” They are 2 years old in cat years.
I think babies are mean for taking my space, and they need to learn the world isn’t kind.
AITC?
Am I the cloaca for eating the coffee table?
Hello! I am Rufus! I am Golden Retriever! I am four months old! I have teeth! And maybe soon more teeth!
I have many toys! I also have a table with wood legs! I chew on toys! I chew on ice cubes! I chew on sticks! I chew on table! It is like super stick toy! But I get told “Rufus, no!” Instead I get other toys, but they are not super stick toy like table! Once I get carrot! Carrot is even better than super stick toy, but carrot disappeared! So I must chew on table super stick toy!
I say I must chew on table super stick toy until it disappears! But I get told “Rufus, no!”
Am I the cloaca? What is a cloaca?
Bye from RUFUS!!!!
UPDATE: I got some antlers! I like to chew them but I still like to chew on the table sometimes.
Bye from RUFUS!!!
NTC if hooman provide so much to chew, chew away. Also, antlers are the beeeeest 🤤
AITC for telling my wife that I ate the kids?
So I am fish and basically me and my wife got it on and had like 20 kids. But I was just SO hungry so I ate about 3/4 of them. So now there are 7 left. My kids are oblivious to my devious actions. Same with my wife until one day I was feeling hungry so I got another fish and we had more babies and I ate all of them but 1. My wife counted them and accused me of cheating which I did. Then she just noticed and asked, "Why are there 8 of them. We had 7 kids I think." So I told her and she took the kids with her to her friend's house. So to replace them I had a kid with my child, but it doesn't feel the same. I miss my wife coming home and sucking the baby fish until it's bones broke. So please answer. AmItheCloaca?
AITC? I (8-ish) pretty kitty boy. I have a big sister who is my favorite soft can opener and a brother who is loud. I also have two dogs. One is a little girl who is fun to play with and other is big boy who’s nosy. He always get in my face and bother me. So other day he was bothering me so I went BIG HISS YOWL SMACK and hit him with my claws and he went YEEP and ran off, ha-HA! Big sister thought it was funny and said “Atta boy Frankles, tell him!” But brother said “be nice to my baby boy he’s just curious.” Do not understand, I the baby boy! So AITC?
NTC very annoying and made him go away. U r baby boy not him
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Am Tiskie,11f last leaf fall momma brought two cats in my house. Trickster nd Spots. Trickster stay out most times. Spots had little things, last snow time. Now she wants All attention. Even from me.! Hates them both.little things smell and take my back hallway. Can't go anywhere for self . So annoying to me. No privacy. Only gets love from momma when she not busy. She always busy. AITC?! Me no think so
This is Laura. Tiskie is a drama queen. A total brat . Ignore her , she is just jealous,of the kittens.
Load More Replies... AITC? I (8-ish) pretty kitty boy. I have a big sister who is my favorite soft can opener and a brother who is loud. I also have two dogs. One is a little girl who is fun to play with and other is big boy who’s nosy. He always get in my face and bother me. So other day he was bothering me so I went BIG HISS YOWL SMACK and hit him with my claws and he went YEEP and ran off, ha-HA! Big sister thought it was funny and said “Atta boy Frankles, tell him!” But brother said “be nice to my baby boy he’s just curious.” Do not understand, I the baby boy! So AITC?
NTC very annoying and made him go away. U r baby boy not him
Load More Replies... Am Tiskie,11f last leaf fall momma brought two cats in my house. Trickster nd Spots. Trickster stay out most times. Spots had little things, last snow time. Now she wants All attention. Even from me.! Hates them both.little things smell and take my back hallway. Can't go anywhere for self . So annoying to me. No privacy. Only gets love from momma when she not busy. She always busy. AITC?! Me no think so
This is Laura. Tiskie is a drama queen. A total brat . Ignore her , she is just jealous,of the kittens.
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