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When teenagers finally become adults, they are let in on the little secret that no one actually knows what they are doing. The truth is that even seasoned adults sometimes need to ask for help and advice to navigate life.
One netizen asked the internet “What’s a common mistake people make in their 30s?” People shared the ups and downs, misconceptions, and little victories of growing older. So make yourself comfortable, maybe find somewhere to take notes and get to scrolling. Be sure to upvote your favorite posts and comment your thoughts below.
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#1
Stay in unhealthy toxic relationships.
Blondie23 2 years ago
I stayed married to a dude for 14 years. He cheated on me, abused me physically and mentally/emotionally.... I ended up gaining so much weight that I was over 300 pounds. I finally picked myself up and kicked him to the curb. I lost over 150 pounds and found a man that treats me like a queen. It's amazing how a bad relationship can just take a toll on you!
Tamra 2 years ago
I'm so happy for you, Blondie. It took so much courage to do what you did, and I applaud you for it. You deserve the happiness you now have, and always remind yourself of that.
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Daniela Lavanza 2 years ago (edited)
This is true regardless of age, no? It would be too easy if this was "only" a thirty-something problem.
Ryan Edwards 2 years ago
Take a few steps back and take a hard look at your relationship. How often are you making excuses in your head for being abandoned or being ghosted or being gaslit? How often are you left waiting or plans cancelled or forgotten? How often are you made to feel guilty for expecting more time together or for wanting praise or for wanting empathy? How often do you feel you are their "last resort" person or activity when nobody or nothing else is available. How often are you the most important person in their life? How often do they sacrifice for you? How often do they go out of their comfort zone JUST FOR YOU? STOP MAKING EXCUSES! STOP WAITING FOR THEM TO CHANGE! STOP ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE HURT.
Jason K 2 years ago
Why don't we ever hear someone say "never entering a toxic, unhealthy relationship"? The problem isn't the inability or unwillingness to exit a toxic relationship, it's having the wisdom, understanding, and awareness to recognize toxic and unhealthy people before entering a relationship with them.
RELATED:
#2
Having kids for the sake of having kids.
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
If only it were that simple. Birth control isn't 100% effective, not everyone has access to BC to begin with, and not everyone lives in a country with widely available abortion.
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featherytoad 2 years ago
Personally, I find it sexist when people keep hounding women about having kids and being shocked when they find out they don't want them. Because, that's what women should do and want to do.
Big Chungus 2 years ago
Yes, do not have kids just because you think that you are supposed to. It is very difficult and really not that fun until they start to grow up. I wouldn't wish it on anyone who really doesn't want kids
NikNok 2 years ago
Because "thats what people do" and "its whats expected" and one partner wants kids whilst the other doesnt
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Sergio Bicerra 2 years ago
Family or spouse pressure, for instance. Also accidents can happen.
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Once a person is in their mid-twenties, it can be hard to find real-life advice and mentorship. After all, you have been a full adult for some time by then, able to vote, drive, drink, and take out loans. You have possibly already participated in multiple election cycles and maybe even own a car. Younger people might already be coming to you for advice.
You might struggle to explain to them that you don’t really understand what is going on at the same time. So it’s no surprise that many people enter their 30s with only the inkling of a plan and just do their best. Just because someone has survived three decades doesn’t automatically mean they suddenly gain some deeper insight, just like turning twenty doesn’t unlock some new ability.
#3
Thinking they are too old. Never too late to switch career paths or look for a new relationship or start taking care of your health.
Giterdun456:
I just turned 30 and realized I’m a bad person. Lying, manipulation, cheating, etc. But I went back into weekly therapy, and I'm pretty determined to not be like this going forward.
Terry Tobias 2 years ago
I went to university full time while working when I was 35. I got my BA degree when I was 39. I enjoyed it so much and it's probably the thing that I'm most proud of doing!
Bored Trash Panda 2 years ago
I just graduated with my associates degree last year and have an awesome career now. I am 37. I worked my a*s off working full time, school 4 nights a week as a mother. I am just glad I have a husband who helped and supported me while doing this. I couldn't have done it without him or our son cheering me on.
I heart Boo-BI-es 2 years ago
So I just turned... I'm in my mid thirties and I am now in my second week of a bachelor's program at a university. I honestly haven't seen too many other older adults around campus yet but I've noticed a few...the typical college aged students have been great so far which tbh I'm pleasantly surprised with how things have been with fellow classmates...except one girl at the bookstore that we share with another college asked me if I was a teacher 👩🏫🤷♀️🤦♀️😱🤣. I didn't think anything of her question at first but realized in hindsight..
Big Chungus 2 years ago
My dad did this in his 30s/40s and was able to still have a long new career before retiring
Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
At least they can admit it which means there's hope for them yet
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#4
Settling for a spouse.
thefox47545:
See this SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! People getting married for the sake of getting married. As a consequence, I'm seeing divorces SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH too! Been on dates where it's obvious the girl wants the title of wife more than actually being a wife.
MedusaWasBeautiful 2 years ago
That is why I refuse to settle. Refused the advances of women and men because of it.
#5
Not exercising enough and eating a cr*ppy diet. You can't get away with those things anymore like you did in your 20s.
Anyone-for-tea? 2 years ago
I’m 44 and I’d like to think this isn’t true. Firstly, it’s very demotivating to anyone in their 40s, and secondly, everyone is so different the same can’t be said for all. I’m in the process of trying to get my fitness back as I’ve got a chronic illness that came on unexpectedly in my mid-30s, and don’t want to think there’s no hope!
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kansasmagic 2 years ago
I got fat in my 30s, fit in my 40s. That was actually kind of my plan (in my 30s), but I also had years of high cholesterol, high inflammation, etc. (that I was unaware of). It wasn't easy getting in shape, but I did it. Thing is, now I often regret not being more active in my younger years. I think my life would have been a lot different if I hadn't spent so much time on the couch, drinking and watching TV.
Gin 2 years ago
Just think how you would feel if you hadn't got fit though! Besides you don't want to get to your next decade and think 'I wish I hadn't wasted the last decade constantly feeling regrets'. Just be chuffed to bits with yourself for getting fit again! Kudos for that.
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Princess Jade 2 years ago
Turning 49 this year, I can attest. Eating a trash diet hits so much harder in your 40's, dont even get me started on the food intolerance that develop over time.
Blue Chambers 2 years ago
Spent my 20s overweight. I turned 30 and lost 55 pounds in a year eating and exercising better.
One area that many thirty-year-olds likely don’t think about until it’s too late is physical health. While the twenties are often a peak for many people, this can create bad habits down the line. When you are young, you feel invincible because, in many ways, you sort of are. This rarely translates into one’s thirties, so if a person doesn’t adjust their lifestyle, they end up feeling a lot worse without immediately understanding why.
#6
Not wearing sunscreen and taking care of your skin. especially your face.
Biofish23 2 years ago
I'm in my early 40's now. I've noticed that my peers who spent their teens -30s tanned now look a decade or more older than those who didn't.
Astrophile 2 years ago
Yep! I work with a lovely lady who I thought was in her early 50s who’s always been a huge tanning fan. Also just found out she’s actually 38 😅 she’s still a beauty though!
Load More Replies... Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
I lived in the tanning bed from age 18-22. I see people with leather skin that never left and I am so glad i stopped that habit
Linda Souza 2 years ago
Don't forget to sunscreen your decolletage too! That can also get crepey.
Astrophile 2 years ago
I was taught “your face ends at your nipples” when it comes to sunscreen haha, definitely get the décolletage and chest if you’re wearing a low cut top!
Load More Replies... kansasmagic 2 years ago
Yeah, well, I'm a child of the 80s and we really believed that one "good" burn at the start of summer would keep you safe!
Candid Panda 2 years ago
Sunscreen is something that should be started way sooner than your 30's
#7
I think the biggest mistake _I_ made in my 30s was kind of going on autopilot. I'm 42 in a month, and, to be dead honest, I'm not sure my 30s even happened. It feels like I went from 29 to 40. And I think it's because I just kind of kept my head down and carried on as usual. I should have spent that time being more pro-active. Stupid me, but it doesn't have to be stupid you!
Mia Black 2 years ago (edited)
It's hard but I think it's somehow part of everyday life... or at least that's how I feel. every day just happens, goes by and seems to repeat itself. Time passes very surreally this way - quickly and slowly at the same time. It's all the more important to take some time for yourself at least once a year and do something nice (leave the housework alone and not work for the house, really. You'll have that left for other days). The rare free time with friends is also important. I'm trying to incorporate semi-regular meetings into my everyday life again. and if it's only three hours on Friday after work (which makes the weekend feel longer), then that's fine. (Edit: train to not feel guilty of every dirty dish, relax from time to time in your chaos and just be you. Make it normal that not everything is spotless - just keep it healthy clean)
kansasmagic 2 years ago
I understand what you're saying but I feel like there's a bigger problem when we have to start making excuses for self-care or seeing friends. "Hustle culture" may be an economic necessity for some, but the mindset of "work, work, then work some more" is going to result in a lot of burnout.
Load More Replies... Wintermute 2 years ago
Super super common. Your 30s are the beginning of your middle chapters. Just moving the story along, but not super exciting. Workaday everyday. Doesn't have to be that way, but throw kids and career and finances and housework all into the mix and it's hard not to just get in a rut and let time pass. Good they recognized it in their 30s and not end of 40s!
#8
Staying at a job they are severely unhappy at and accepting toxic work environments. Cough cough teachers
️ ️lefty libra️ (she/her) 2 years ago
teachers like you are the ones who make a difference. you may not be my teacher, but thank you 🫶🏻
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Ryan Edwards 2 years ago
My ex-wife is a teacher. She has an AMAZING GIFT and is one of the most focused and dedicated and brilliant teachers I've ever met. Every student (and family) of hers over her 30+ career has been blessed with having her in their lives. The teaching profession needs to be treated like professional sports ... each teacher should ranked and studied and analyzed ... the best teachers should be sought after and pursued relentlessly by schools who want to build up their teams ... their should be a bidding war for teachers ... ESPN should have a week every year dedicated to teacher drafts, free agency, trades, etc. PAY THE TEACHERS LIKE THE HEROES THAT THEY ARE!
Ryan Edwards 2 years ago
I suppose this is pure naïveté on my part, but, the point total for my response to this post has fluctuated. I assume this means people are down-voting it? I am baffled how anyone would disagree with better treatment / pay for teachers.
Load More Replies... Emma S 2 years ago (edited)
Cough cough nurses. Sadly some of the most toxic work environments I've witnessed have been in the health care sector. Often because people who are tired and underpaid become resentful and bitter and that affects the rest of the team.
Miss Frankfurter 2 years ago
It’s about piling more work on and that’s the last thing we need. It’s about an impossible nurse:patient ratio. You run your butt off to give everyone good care. Break? What’s that? Meal break? We’re happy when families bring in big boxes of Timbits. Lunch! Dinner! It’s about management having meetings to ask what needs to be changed to help us do a better job. Second verse same as the first. So busy that when something extremely emotional and difficult happens, just punch those emotions down, keep going like nothing happened. And the physical toll. Here I am having begun my retirement early with PTSD, poor posture from tight shoulders and bad back, torn rotator cuffs in both shoulders from all those years of lifting. Sound like I’m complaining? Nope. Just telling the truth. And for all that over 38 years, I have no regrets for the career I chose. If I could go back, I’d do it all again. I’ve paid a price that is entirely worth it.
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BC 2 years ago
I’m a few days late but felt the need to say that I’m a teacher, 20 years so far. I bloody love it. I’ve spent my entire career working with families from extremely low socioeconomic backgrounds and/or new arrivals and refugees. I have never worked for anyone but my kids and their families. And I have been PRIVILEGED to do so.
Abe Ja 2 years ago
I feel called out. I left and I am fantasizing of going back. My husband literally asked me if I don't remember coming home to drink a bottle of wine and not talking, just to rinse and repeat. Did it for the kids, it's the system, principals and other teachers that make it miserable.🥲
Silas Burke 2 years ago
The abuse of teachers in the United States is absolutely by design. They want schools to fail so they can abolish the public school system in favor of private schools for those that can afford them. They also want to make sure that children aren't learning, and don't possess critical thinking skills. Teachers and children are the casualties of this agenda - often with their very own lives.
Huddo's sister 2 years ago
Before I read the last sentence, I was like 'that's me'. Last line clinched it!
This is just as true when it comes to partners and careers. It’s actually a bit bizarre that high-school graduates are tasked with picking a career path, then often taking on a mountain of debt, with little-to-no real-life experience. The result is burnt-out people struggling to keep afloat in their twenties, trapped in jobs they don’t actually want to do.
#9
Not taking care of your teeth.
Firstname Lastname 2 years ago
I've recently made a bigger effort to remember to floss every day. It makes me feel so adult for some basic self care.
zak 2 years ago
I actually do it first thing in the morning, before I brush my teeth, because at night I just don't have the discipline to do it regularly. I figure in the morning is better than not at all lol (I do use a toothpick or brushpick after meals, to balance it out)
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Kristiina 2 years ago
This! I have spent thousands to fix my teeth. I tried my best to take care of them but acid reflux destroyed them anyway. Take care of problems early on before it is too late.
tl gmc 2 years ago
Genetically weak enamel here :( I'll take care of them as much as possible, but cavities are always going to happen and who knows if they'll be able to stay when I'm old
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Impasta (she/they) 2 years ago
I have terrible enamel, I brush twice a day and yet I get cavities every couple months :(
Load More Replies... #10
Being concerned about not being the young, trendy generation anymore. Wear your skinny jeans all you want, millennial women!
FrogMan 2 years ago
Once you realize, “This is who I am” and OWN it, you’ll be amazed at how much better you feel.
CanadianDimes 2 years ago
I do not understand why society puts so much importance on the opinions of teenagers. Why, as a group, are they the arbiters of what’s cool? I’m hella cooler than I ever was when I was a teen and why should the opinion of a random person 30 years my junior influence what I wear?
Sarel Seerower 2 years ago
They aren't the one's deciding what's cool. They are the sheep following the fashion trends.
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HolyDiver 2 years ago
I'm 56 and still wear checkered vans. Started in the 80's and I just don't care what others think about me wearing them.
someschylersister 2 years ago
there actually sort of popular these days 😂😂
Load More Replies... VioletHunter 2 years ago
But I hate those! Was waiting for those terrible things to finally die and burn only to discover the new wide style isn't my thing either.
Tamra 2 years ago
The only time I looked fabulous in a pair of jeans was in 1986 when I wore button fly Levis. My a*s looked fantastic! Alas, it's been downhill since.
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In Vino Veritas 2 years ago
Yes, yes i will. Not sure about crop tops though, for that i think i'm too old.
#11
Panicing. You do not need to have a great career, partner, 4-bedroom house, and baby on the way just because your 20s are over. Relax.
Emma S 2 years ago
💯 I'm 37, still single and living in rented accommodation. Sometimes I do worry that my chance of finding the right man and getting married etc has gone, but mostly I'm actually quite happy with my life and I'm grateful that at least I'm not trapped in a toxic relationship just for the sake of not being alone. I don't allow being single to stop me doing anything and I go to the cinema alone, I've travelled alone and I've had some amazing experiences. This idea that you pass some sort of finish line when you hit 30 is ridiculous.
Cathleen Cummings 2 years ago
I am 59 and chose to remain single rather than settling for the wrong person or staying in toxic relationships. There is no reason that "30" should be some kind of benchmark. When I turned 30, I left a bad relationship, moved half-way across the world, and eventually started graduate school. 30 was my beginning! Not always easy but I much prefer that path to the alternative. (And I met the love of my life three years ago and we've been married for almost a year and a half. Life is starting anew in my 50s!)
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Blondie23 2 years ago
Look some people will rent their whole lives. Some people will work retail/service their whole life... it's takes all kinds. Carve out a life that makes you happy. Don't worry about what everyone else is doing and don't worry about what society is telling you to do. You only go around once live a life that makes you smile!!!!
Gin 2 years ago
The bigger they are, the longer they take to clean. I genuinely want a smaller house! Or a cleaner... Can't afford that though!
Load More Replies... VioletHunter 2 years ago (edited)
Easy to say for a man or people who don't want kids, but not when you are a woman with a biological clock ticking and you want kids. Career, partner, house, those are all things you still have decades of time for but making babies comes with a specific timeframe.
Orange Tabby 2 years ago
Your biological clock is NOT TICKING. Okay. If you take care of your body by some exercise and a not so trashy diet you will have perfect children even in your 40s/50s. The biological clock is just b******t created by Fertility Hospitals to market procedures like freezing your eggs, etc. So its fine. Don't panic. Live your a happy life that you deserve.
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Some of the responses mention that you will notice time start to fly by quickly for the first time. In the blink of an eye, you go from 30 to 35, suddenly you are now 39. After all, the longer you live, the shorter each day, week, and even month seems, as time and experiences blend together. Learning to be present seems like eye-rolling cliche advice when you are young and can’t sit still for over four minutes, but it comes in handy later.
#12
Romanticizing your 20s and fearing your 40s. (live where you are).
iamnottheuser:
It's so easy to romanticize the past and fear the future. Life is organic, and so are we. We will keep changing and oftentimes in a good way (stronger, wiser, more confident, etc.). I'm so happy to be who I am at 37.
Karl 2 years ago (edited)
Everyone has a tendency to declare when “the good old days” were. It’s generally when you had much less responsibility, awareness of life’s grim realities and likely when your mother still did your laundry. Objectively, in my 50s, I live in a safer world (Current situations aside..), am emotionally wiser, more tolerant, more financially and emotionally secure than in my 20s, I have a much better b******t detector when dealing with people, know who deserves my time and who doesn’t. Best of all, I’ve lost the steadfast moral certainties of my younger self and have realised that there are few absolute black and white issues - just shades of grey. Would I go back? Not on your Nelly!
Tracy Wallick 2 years ago
For me, turning 30 was positively liberating; we place such high expectations on our 20s, that waking up on my 30th birthday felt really freeing.
Sleepy Panda 2 years ago
I wouldn’t go back to my 20’s for anything. Im 40 and I feel better and am happier than I have been in my whole life.
Haywood Jablome 2 years ago
I romanticize the future. Every day, I'm a little less relevant, a little more alone, and a little bit closer to sweet, sweet rest
#13
Taking care of your body. Once I turned 31 lots of medical issues arose for me from various things but contact sports leave more damage than you know. Go to the dentist go to the doctor be active. I say all this as I’m about to be in a hospital during a hurricane in Florida. Take care of yourself physically. mentally. and spiritually.
Spannermonkey 2 years ago
Typing *literally* from a hospital bed: If it aches for more than a couple of weeks, GET IT CHECKED.
zak 2 years ago
I've never regularly gone to a gym, as I was in pretty good shape when I was younger from just being active. Then I slowly gained weight until I was like 40-ish pounds overweight in my late 30's. I lost the weight mainly through an improved diet, but started doing simple daily exercises throughout the day (10 quick lunges on the way to the bathroom, or 25 push-ups at any random time, some pull-ups before getting in the shower, etc). It's wayyyy easier for me to do that than to set aside 30-60 mins to go to a gym
#14
Making relationship decisions based on avoiding/meeting/holding on to milestones by a certain age. (I can't be a divorcee at 34, I have to be married by 34, I need to start a family in the next two years, I'm too old to start dating again, etc.)
One reason why some may simply try to avoid this question is the tough-to-swallow reality that things tend to get worse. Your body breaks down, you really do need to be setting more money aside for retirement and you have less and less time to function. But you are finally at a stage in life where you have, hopefully, tried enough to know what you want. This knowledge is perhaps worth more than just its weight in gold, which can be simply bought and sold. Experience only comes with time.
#15
Not listening to their burnout signals and just settling in for the long haul. You’re not going to make it. And if you do “make it” you won’t like yourself or the sacrifices you had to make along the way.
Ace 2 years ago
Eh? No, addictions to alcohol, drugs, whatever are not inherently linked with burnout. And burnout in your 30s is not real burnout, just a temporary glitch you can work through.
Load More Replies... Astrophile 2 years ago
Yep. My coworkers like to brag about never taking lunch breaks while I’m over here like “yeah I prefer setting boundaries and prioritizing my mental health. If I don’t have time for a lunch break, I make the time because I prioritize it.” Screw hustle culture, I’m much more happy and productive this way :)
BeeBee 2 years ago
100% once my doctor asked if I'd be willing to quit my job for the sake of my health, I knew I was in deep burnout trouble. Turns out I switched jobs, and the same happened. It isn't the job. It's me - you have to make a true effort to change your mentality or the environment doesn't matter
#16
Thinking you're a finished product, not likely to change all that much.
Aimée Drouin 2 years ago
This! Everything is temporary (including your current self, which is constantly changing) and life is only a journey, not a destination. Whenever you think you hit a “milestone” there’s always another. Live in the present, because that’s all there is.
#17
Biggest mistake I made in my 30's was not enjoying them more.
Young enough to party, still play some sports, and perfectly in place in any bar. You have energy, you have a circle of friends (that will get smaller, trust me).
Try to carpe a diem every once in a while, the decade passes VERY quickly.
featherytoad 2 years ago
Time really does seem to go faster as you get older. I swear, stuff that happened 10 years ago seem like they only happened 3 years ago.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
Three years of covid really didn't help either. I think about "that holiday we just went on" oh wait that was at the start of 2019...
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Rosecrucian Roeth 2 years ago
What I find as I get older is that the days go by at a normal speed, but I cannot for the life of me, figure out just where the hell all those weeks, months and years went......... now 74
#18
Not getting over or at least somewhat understanding your childhood and parental issues. Understanding that stuff can make the rest of your life easier.
#19
Not getting that thing checked out by a doctor.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
Sometimes the internet is helpful, sometimes not. My Dad talked to me about symptoms he was having at one point and when I googled it came up with some weird condition, but it's far more common in women than men. About a week later he told me they'd finally diagnosed it and it was literally the condition google had come up with. So it can get it right. You just need to be careful about it.
Load More Replies... #20
Thinking you can’t make a difference in someone’s life because the world is too large to see your small act. I have a student with extreme depression, and I always remind her that it’s not a bad life, it’s a bad day when she has an attack. Even though she is usually too upset to talk or even respond, I just sit with her in silence until the crisis passes. A lot of people will ask me why I even bother, she’ll never get better, my action is insignificant and means nothing, but you know what: it meant something to her and made her life better. That’s good enough for me. Never think you can’t make a difference, people.
Firstname Lastname 2 years ago
I made a habit of making small stuffies and leaving them in pantry boxes with "I'm (name), be my friend" notes for the past year without ever really knowing what happens once they are taken. I'm at the last bit of my stuffing in my bag and I was debating if it was even worth continuing when I found a note left in one of the boxes yesterday, letting me know what a difference I had made to someone for some small act. The little things matter.
Astrophile 2 years ago
That is the cutest thing 🥹 what a sweet gesture, don’t stop!
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#21
Not stretching. Like not necessarily before exercise (though absolutely that too) but just in general.
zak 2 years ago
Stretch your back when you wake up, before you get out of bed. Hug your knees to your chest, roll your hips from side to side, etc. It takes like 5 minutes and helps you wake up, and I haven't had any back issues at all since I started this, whereas before I would tweak my back a few times per year from something mundane like sneezing or putting on my shoes lol
Ace 2 years ago
Naah. Ski instructor in his 60s here: stretching a little before exercise can be useful, but in general just keeping reasonably fit by whatever means is enough. Stretching in itself is not a solution to anything.
CanadianDimes 2 years ago
For myself, I disagree. I’m. I’m 40s and stretch twice a day. It’s done wonders for decreasing how stiff I am and I feel it when I skip a day
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#22
Thinking you need the job, house, marriage, kids combo to be perfect.
I got into a profession I loved at 32, after I switched careers, and went back to school at 29. I've had 4 different jobs since.
Bought a house at 34. Got lucky. Right now is not the time.
Had a kid at 38- it took 6 years of trying.
I'm really happy.
No fairytale relationship, and that's ok. Never married, don't believe in it.
It's never too late to retrain for a job, houses depend a lot on APR and debt ratio, marriage is expensive if you do it with the wrong person, kids are a blessing if you want them, there are natural limits to fertility. If you don't, lots of wonderful contraceptive options don't depend on other people for that.
Live the life you want for you and the people who support and uplift you. Ignore social media and ignore social norms. Do commit to something special, a person, a project, a dream. Commitment yields good things! Don't lose out on a good thing you have, while imagining everything you do not have is better.
The grass is greener where you water it. Or you know, tear it up and plant something local. Everything I have achieved took years of planning, support, and intention. Slow and steady. Small and focused.
AtMostTheFabulist 2 years ago (edited)
Life is contradictory, they are saying don't worry about what you are supposed to do. Do what makes you happy. Right now is the right time.
Load More Replies... Fish Fingers 2 years ago
Jeez, imagine getting saddled with kids just when everything is working out! Absolute toilet of a result.
#23
Not starting to save for retirement.
CanadianDimes 2 years ago
I’m late Gen X and recently had a conversation with an early Gen X colleague about this. 15 years’ difference between us and that decade and a half is the difference between being able to retire and most likely not being able to.
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Elizabeth James 2 years ago
If you can afford to do so. Better to not starve now if you have to make the choice between essentials now or future finances
AtMostTheFabulist 2 years ago (edited)
I increased my deductions for 401k when I got a new job. But all that means is I will only have to work one job and not two when I turn 70.
Scotira 2 years ago
It's been a loooong time. I might still have some lying around somewhere 😁 some DM too 😇
Load More Replies... #24
Smoking. You need to quit that s**t. After 10 years of smoking I stopped smoking at the age of 28. Best thing I've ever done. Now I am 32, healthier than ever.
Silas Burke 2 years ago
I can't believe that with all the information out there about smoking and its addictive nature and the obvious health detriments that people STILL take it up.
#25
Comparing their lifestyle to other 30-somethings.
ThunderBobMajerle:
Your peer's success can seem perfect from afar and make you feel inadequate. But if you sit down and talk with them, you will learn all sorts of shortcomings and difficulties in their life that will make you appreciate something about yourself and your situation. In other words, we're all just out here trying to function.
VioletHunter 2 years ago
Comparing yourself to others is perfectly normal human behaviour and not something you can just switch off. One just needs to learn to be more reasonable about it imo.
Astrophile 2 years ago (edited)
Exactly, if we show more compassion and understanding for ourselves and our own lives then it’s easier :) sometimes seeing where you are vs your similarly-aged peers can give you some enlightenment too, as long as you aren’t being super judgmental towards yourself, aka “Joe Schmo over there hasn’t hit all these life milestones but look how happy and fulfilled he seems, maybe I have it better than I think” etc. There’s a healthy way and an unhealthy way to do it!
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Nice Beast Ludo 2 years ago
I stay off facebook. Its really hard to see my high school friends go to disney every 6 mos and live in these huge houses with perfect families because I went to private school and out of all my friends, I was the one who got disowned. I stay off because I don't want to feel like they are judging me either but mostly because I don't want to think "oh that's what my life could have been" because its not my life and never will be. I have a family and we love each other even though we don't have a lot and its not fair to them to be regretting my life
Lady of the Great Lakes 2 years ago (edited)
Sadly this is what my long time partner just did coupled with #14 (making decisions based on arbitrary milestone deadlines). They are almost 40 and melted down with anxiety/depression in a matter of months, recklessly cheated, and is trying to drink and run away from their new low sense of self worth. I am still reeling from becoming collateral damage in this war with themselves, but they have to do the work to heal. Sadly they have run off to play Captain Save a Hoe with someone they barely knows but "needs" them.
Wysteria_Rose 2 years ago
Why I want OFF of social media. I have lots of profiles where I see people my age living in houses with kids while husband and I are having to make it work with our apartment and wanting to try for a kid. I know that there's a lot more beneath the happy photos but it sucks to see. I understand no one posts the bad things in their life.
CanadianDimes 2 years ago
Everyone is always still figuring it out and if they genuinely think they’ve got it all sorted, they are arrogant or naive!
sturmwesen 2 years ago
"Others build houses, I kill basil" in a nut shell. At least I have no mortage and no unwanted kids.
#26
Thinking you aren’t STILL sexy, sensual, and desirable. You are, you’re beautiful.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
I was just as sexy, sensual, and desirable at 40 as I was at 20. But that was the problem.
Fish Fingers 2 years ago
I feel that! But if my name had been Mickey Large...
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devotedtodreams 2 years ago
But... I've never been that. I will not lie to myself. I'm ugly, and at least once every day, a look at my reflection in the mirror reminds me of that fact.
#27
Thinking it's too late to do something. "I don't have any credit built", "I don't have any retirement savings", and get disheartened from trying. The best time was yesterday, the next best time is today.
ROSESARERED 2 years ago
Old Chinese proverb...when rhe best time to plant a tree, 50 years ago. When is the next best time today. Just start where you are, it may not be the perfect time, but it is the best you have so just start
#28
Thinking you have to be settled in your career. 39 and starting over. Excited for new chapter.
MoMcB 2 years ago
I'm 5 years in after starting a new career at 54. Love it!
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#29
My mistake was not traveling and remaining in my own near-sighted American cocoon. My advice is to travel as soon as you can and sample what the World has to offer. Places in the U.S. and overseas may offer better environments and circumstances well beyond what you have today.
Susan 2 years ago
Even just driving a couple hours away to visit a town or area you've never been can feel like a small vacation. It doesn't have to always be a huge expensive trip.
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Adam Silvernail 2 years ago
Wife and I spent $3000 on the wedding and $9000 on the honeymoon. Travel was the purpose for working, and we did a lot before and even a little after we had kids. Kids were the next big adventure but we needed to see the world first. We had many "trips of a life time" and found out how to do it cheaper and better each time. We maxed out our credit cards on our first trip, UK (we are Americans). Worth it!
#30
This one is not specific to the 30s: Not understanding our inner world is the biggest mistake. As Carl Jung wrote: 'But you cannot flee from yourself. It is with you all the time and demands fulfillment.' A significant portion of who we truly are, what we like, what we are capable of, and the reasons we do the things we do, persist within a realm we don't actively understand or have access to. To become our true selves, we need introspection to learn about the aspects of our being that we are unaware of, dislike or hide.
Purplescales 2 years ago
The last sentence is so true, change can be so hard that we will ignore something we dislike about ourselves rather than address it.
stupidMonkey 2 years ago
Anytime is a good time for introspection. The sooner the better. You can't know what to plan for if you don't understand how you will react. That being said I wish the internet would let Jung stay dead. He got a few things right but most of his "science" was unqualified fantasy. Same goes for his mentor.
Mitchell 2 years ago
IMO our 30s are a great time for reflection, for study of our inner selves, for self improvement, for analyzing our childhood and forgiving (or not). What a relief it is to be 50 and have that stuff behind me. I am who I am, there is no “better version” lurking within. Most of the time I’m a good, generous, thoughtful person. Sometimes I’m a cow and feel remorse afterwards. Life isn’t perfect but I’m alive and healthy and live in the moment.
Fish Fingers 2 years ago
Provided 'who you are' is socially acceptable, of course. You can be whatever you want! (provided it's what they tell you you can be... 🙄)
Adam Silvernail 2 years ago
In my 40's. I found Al Anon and it has changed my life. We can't fix the world around us but we can change how we react to it.
#31
Mine is always thinking that you will be healthy. I’ve been disabled my entire life and have had some friends who have developed chronic illnesses or had accidents in their 30s who thought they would always be able bodied and capable tell me they never thought about what if. So vote for infrastructure that makes things accessible! If you’re buying a forever home can you navigate it with a wheelchair? Do you have a death and dismemberment policy? Do you have a plan on who would help you? Definitely more morbid than most but being already disabled at a young age makes you think differently. 🤷🏻♀️
#32
To summarize my points below: Your 30s is when you are really in the thick of "adulting". It's easy to loose focus on what is really important to you among all the demands and responsibilities.
Not Fostering Friendships: As you enter your 30s, maintaining and nurturing friendships becomes more challenging. It's a time when connections can fade, and forming new ones becomes harder. It's very important to invest effort in the friendships you currently have. **Edit:** A few people have commented about what to do when people don't reciprocate? My advise - keep trying! Everyone is under water in their 30's, they likely won't be able to make every attempt at outreach you make. But over time as things become less hectic they will remember you kept trying (without guilt) and will appreciate it and come back to you. But toxic people, yeah cut those out!
Not Nurturing Your Romantic Relationship: Responsibilities increase in your 30s like careers, parenthood, and caregiving for aging parents. It's common for the most crucial relationship – your romantic partnership – to be inadvertently neglected. Avoid taking your partner for granted, assuming they'll always be around, or treating them as an outlet for your worst moments.
Not Preserving Your Identity: Similar to the previous points, your 30s come with a whirlwind of conflicting priorities that can lead you to lose touch with your identity. It's easy to forget what truly brings you joy and satisfaction. Maintain a hobby that gives your life purpose and regularly reflect on whether your job still fulfills your needs in terms of purpose, financial stability, and overall satisfaction.
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VioletHunter 2 years ago
Yup, keep writing those bday messages and Christmas cards, even when there isn't much coming back from people busy with careers and kids. Those friendships will rekindle later in life.
Fish Fingers 2 years ago
I randomly message old friends who I haven't spoken to in years, just saying hello. And at least two have mentioned that they've been struggling with 'X', and how it was really good just to have a surprise chat!
#33
Drinking like they're still in their 20s. Acting like they're still in their teens.
#34
Letting your job take over your life and neglecting your mental, physical, and emotional health.
#35
Staying up too late. You can’t bounce back like your twenty any more!
#36
I'm 62 and I so wish that I had followed my dreams in my 30's.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
I wish I'd followed my dreams from when I was 16 or 17, not my 30s. Whether I'd have had a career is doubtful, but I might have enjoyed myself more.
Gin 2 years ago
You also might not have enjoyed yourself more! You can't do a test and see: how Ken A who followed his dreams at 16 did, and Ken B who didn't. Things might not have worked out at all. We can never know. Which is why regrets are such a waste of mental effort. All you can do is make the most of where you are now.
Load More Replies... Haywood Jablome 2 years ago
I lived some dreams, and the one or two remaining are unattainable. I turned 30 last month; can I start dying yet?
#37
Asking people in their 40s for advice. People their 40s are just as lost and clueless as you.
Edit: Middle-aged here and just as clueless now as I was as young person.
VioletHunter 2 years ago
This is nonsense imo. Everyone gains more experience as they age and someone ten years older than you will likely have experienced some things you haven't yet and come to some conclusions. Obviously no one is all-knowing at any age.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
True, the key point is to take what is said with a grain of salt. Sometimes it's good advice, sometimes it isn't. The secret is winnowing out the useful information from the chaff, working out what is applicable to you and what isn't.
Load More Replies... Sunshine Lady 2 years ago
Who can I reach in this case? People in their 60s or 70s are far from the reality of 30s. People in their 40s are close to your generation, people in their 20s are even more clueless.
#38
Lifting with their back.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
The worst backpain I ever had was getting a can of coke out of the fridge (this was in my 30s too). It was on a low shelf and I twisted just the wrong way. Instant muscle spasms and days of being laid up. Had to get a friend to drop me to the doctor cos there was no way I could get there otherwise (well calling an ambulance I suppose). That was part of the reason I started going to the gym, doing core strength work to stabilise those crappy muscles. Haven't had a problem since (touch wood).
David A Paterson 2 years ago
This deserves more upvotes. Most people get severe back pain in their 30s. From laundry, shopping, lifting kids, DIY.
#39
Don't think the grass is greener. Conversely, keep making the effort with your partner. I've seen countless people have affairs or leave their partners when they get into their mid 30s, often after having kids with them. Loads of people I know did it - I got divorced myself in my mid 30s and my subsequent partner had an affair herself when she was in her mid 30s. Basically the common denominator in all of these cases was - mid 30s. Fair enough if your partner is a nightmare, as my second relationship was. However many people don't seem to realise that they themselves aren't the easiest, and lack the enthusiasm or energy to get out of that rut. Believe me, it's far easier to get out of that rut - no matter how hopeless it seems, than it is to break up the family and all the subsequent s**t that goes with it.
Michael Largey 2 years ago
The grass is greener on the other side only because I'm not over there f*****g things up.
#40
Spend way too much money.
doktorhladnjak:
Lifestyle inflation can really take off in your 30s.
#41
Pushing through minor injuries.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
Make that: Pushing through any injuries without a proper diagnosis. Sometimes that little niggling injury is actually worse than you thought, and if you don't treat it NOW it ten years it's actually a real problem. The younger you are the quicker you heal (usually) and the better the results tend to be. So fix it now, don't wait.
#43
Having kids and buying houses and vehicles they can’t afford. you can wind up 2 or 3 hundred thousand dollars in debt in a trice, especially if the kid(s) are disabled or troubled, the house incurs major structural damage, or your Beemer gets destroyed in a flood.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
There's a reason we have insurance. If you have a house or a car it should be insured. Even if the car is cheap you want to make sure you're covered if you run into one that is not cheap. If you can't afford the insurance you can't afford the car (or house).
#44
Sleeping wrong and being in pain all day.
#46
Remarrying waaaay too soon after divorce, and finding it out the hard way a few years later. Third time was the charm though.
#47
Trying to do all the things they used to be able to do in their teens and early twenties but stopped doing 4 or 5 years ago.
#48
Think they are 20.
David A Paterson 2 years ago (edited)
Doing what the kids do when they say the deadliest words in the world: "follow me, Dad".
#49
The most important. Have a mentor or confidant that (is preferable not a family member) to check in with. Everyone needs someone to talk to other than their spouse, girlfriend, boyfriend, life partner, or whatever arrangement one may have. Family is not always supportive or understand the hopes, dreams and aspirations. There are a lot of dream squashers out there. Some may feign looking out for your best interest when in reality are probably a bit of a narcissist to make one doubt their self worth.
#50
Thinking we can still drink stupid and recover for work in a couple hours.
My body is starting to feel it some days.
#51
Buying a house without 20% down.
Sean 2 years ago
A good general rule, but not a universal one. Sometimes it is worth it to borrow more now than wait. It just depends on your individual circumstances, market conditions, etc.
Ken Beattie 2 years ago
It can be really risky though, without a fair chunk of starting equity you face the risk of property devaluation making the bank demand you "catch up" the deficit. It's unusual but there are places where housing booms due to one industry (like mining) made prices skyrocket. People bought in at vastly inflated prices, the industry shut down and house prices plummeted. There were a couple places here where houses went almost overnight from 200k to 500k because of mining, then a few years later the reverse happened and they dropped from 500 to 200 again. While the house was worth 500k the banks were happy because if you defaulted they were covered. But once the houses dropped back to 200k (against a 500k debt) they got very antsy.
Load More Replies... JMil 2 years ago
Perhaps I just got lucky, but I bought with less than 20% down at really good times (twice). The last house I bought with 5% down has nearly doubled in value and has a 2.75% interest rate and no PMI (bought right before things exploded, refi'd when rates were rock bottom). If I had waited to save more, I would not have nearly as nice of a home as I do now or would be house poor. Rent has exploded as well, anything remotely close to my house would have higher rent than my mortgage+ins+tax.
What do you think ?
ADHORTATOR 2 years ago
The problem with the youth of today is that I am not a part of them anymore
SheamusFanFrom1987 2 years ago
When they say age is just a number, there is some truth to it, IMO. I'm 36 and trying to pick up Japanese in hopes of taking the JLPT N5 at least (just missed the registration date) and going back there a second time. To be honest, Hokkaido 2019 was my 1st overseas trip as an adult (1st was when I barely even spoke at about 2 years old) and I have dreams of travelling once more. I won't lie, money is a primary issue now, but believe you me, I'm working on it and have at least close to a sustainable amount. All-in-all, the 30s is the era where you begin to find yourself and there is never a bad time to start. I now live by this saying: Life is fleeting, NEVER Live In Fear. Hence, while I'm still operating while close to hitting 40, fear isn't an option for me.
Rens 2 years ago
I'm much happier now in my 50's than I was in any decade before. I've survived things that I never thought I would; I finally learned to love my body despite the fact that it doesn't match everybody's expectations of beauty; I'm now disabled and have chronic illnesses but I appreciate every day that I have and the fact that I'm not ready to give up yet.
Patricia Steward 2 years ago
Marriage isn't a picnic, folks, and it certainly doesn't solve all your problems.
David A Paterson 2 years ago
Gambling. If you're still gambling in your 30s then you're in big trouble. If you're gambling in your early 20s then it's still not too difficult to stop.
ADHORTATOR 2 years ago
The problem with the youth of today is that I am not a part of them anymore
SheamusFanFrom1987 2 years ago
When they say age is just a number, there is some truth to it, IMO. I'm 36 and trying to pick up Japanese in hopes of taking the JLPT N5 at least (just missed the registration date) and going back there a second time. To be honest, Hokkaido 2019 was my 1st overseas trip as an adult (1st was when I barely even spoke at about 2 years old) and I have dreams of travelling once more. I won't lie, money is a primary issue now, but believe you me, I'm working on it and have at least close to a sustainable amount. All-in-all, the 30s is the era where you begin to find yourself and there is never a bad time to start. I now live by this saying: Life is fleeting, NEVER Live In Fear. Hence, while I'm still operating while close to hitting 40, fear isn't an option for me.
Rens 2 years ago
I'm much happier now in my 50's than I was in any decade before. I've survived things that I never thought I would; I finally learned to love my body despite the fact that it doesn't match everybody's expectations of beauty; I'm now disabled and have chronic illnesses but I appreciate every day that I have and the fact that I'm not ready to give up yet.
Patricia Steward 2 years ago
Marriage isn't a picnic, folks, and it certainly doesn't solve all your problems.
David A Paterson 2 years ago
Gambling. If you're still gambling in your 30s then you're in big trouble. If you're gambling in your early 20s then it's still not too difficult to stop.
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