Bride Asks If She’s A Jerk To Exclude Her Friend Who’s 2 Years Younger From Her “Childfree Wedding”, Gets A Reality Check
Nowadays, there are a million different ways to have a wedding. Your ceremony can take place on the beach or at the courthouse, there’s not as much pressure to dress in a specific way when you tie the knot, and most of us are more concerned about saving for the future or funding a lovely honeymoon than throwing an extravagant wedding. It’s completely up to the bride and groom what they want to do on their special day, and sometimes, that includes excluding children from the occasion.
However, it turns out that we don’t all have the exact same definition of what a “child” is. And as one bride on Reddit recently found out, she might be the minority in believing anyone under 21 is a kid… Below, you’ll find a story that this bride-to-be shared on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit wondering if she was wrong for how she decided to go about preventing underage drinking at her wedding. Enjoy reading about this controversial situation, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article featuring drama surrounding a childfree wedding, look no further than right here!
After claiming that she wants a childfree wedding in order to prevent underage drinking, this bride is wondering if she was wrong for not inviting a friend
Image credits: Rawpixel (not the actual photo)
Image credits: BGStock72 (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/21wedding
For couples who don’t have kids, it’s completely normal to want to have a childfree wedding. At weddings, there’s often alcohol involved, loud music and lots of dancing, food that kids might not particularly enjoy, and nobody wants to worry about watching their language or having to cater to a screaming baby in the corner. Kids can have a great time at weddings where they’re welcome, but if that’s not the vibe the bride and groom want, that’s their decision to make. In fact, more and more couples have been opting for childfree celebrations in recent years.
The issue in this particular story is that it’s not actually about keeping the occasion childfree. The bride is well aware of the fact that her ‘friend’ is not a child. She’s twenty years old, and in most countries, eighteen years old is considered the age of an adult. If underage drinking is that big of a concern, there are surely other ways they could have prevented it, such as the bartender checking IDs and stamping anyone who is underage, or if it’s only this one specific person, they could have been informed not to serve her alcohol. It seems like there could have been much easier solutions than deciding not to invite a friend and dealing with all the subsequent drama that ensued.
It’s also hypocritical for this bride to claim that underage drinking is a huge issue for her, when she admitted that she had previously had alcohol with this friend before, when they were both underage. If she simply didn’t want this friend to be invited to the wedding, there’s no reason to make up a lie such as, “We want a childfree wedding,” when everyone knows that refers to children, not 20-year-olds. There are much better ways this bride could have handled wanting to not invite this friend to her wedding.
“Sometimes, you just don’t want certain people at your wedding,” Sarah Hanlon writes for The Knot. “You might not have a clear reason other than the fact that you’re not close or you don’t want them there. This conversation can be tricky if you and your S.O. aren’t the only ones paying for the wedding. Remember that if your parents or in-laws are contributing, it’s important to work together on crafting the guest list. If you find yourself in this situation where someone is pestering you about their invite, keep your response polite but firm.”
Sarah recommends explaining to this person that you’re keeping the wedding small due to budget or venue capacity, that you’re funding the wedding yourself and the more people invited the more expensive it becomes, or that you’re keeping the guest list limited to account for all of your family members. It’s not an easy conversation to have, but whatever the reason may be, it’s best to be as honest as possible, while still being sensitive to the fact that they might be upset. Calling someone a child and acting like they would be out of place at the wedding is not exactly the most delicate way to go about it…
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Did you have any drama with friends or family members when wedding planning? Feel free to share your personal stories, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article featuring wedding day drama, you can find that right here!
Readers gave the bride a harsh reality check in the replies, explaining that her friend is not a child
What gets me is the double standard. When she was 20, underage drinking was acceptable. Now that she's 22, she has a "responsibility" to prevent underage drinking.
The hypocrisy is strong in this one. Also, her friend can just fly to just about any other country to be able to legally drink. If she is so concerned about it why doesn’t she just tell her friend that she doesn’t want her to drink at the wedding?
Because asking her underage but adult friend to not imbibe at the wedding would be the mature thing to do. Obviously OP is only playing at being a mature adult, and playing at being a mature married lady. Hopefully she grows up soon.
There are still states that have 18 as the legal age for beer & wine too.
The legal age for purchasing or publicly consuming alcohol in the United States is 21 based on the National Minimum Drinking Age Act that was passed in 1984. There are exceptions to drink (not purchase) in some states such as religious or with a parent, guardian, or spouse that's over 21.
To me it seems she has a problem with Mel and this is some kind of petty attack on her. Nothing else can explain it.
Oh, it's not a double standard or hypocrisy. It's an excuse to exclude this girl and an attempt to get the internet to make her feel okay for doing it. Or (more likely), it's a bizarre fake story.
Guess she can't go to her own wedding since it's Child free n she's the biggest baby of them all!
Slightly different when YOU are one that could be charged because of the underage drinking at the place you rent. Same as if you served underage people in your house and they were caught by cops or even a person drove drunk
If she'd said that Mel was a chronic drinker and wouldn't be able to abstain, that would be one thing. Or if she was a violent or angry drunk who was likely to cause trouble. She didn't mention each of those things. It would have been simpler to ask her not to drink and direct the bartender not to serve her alcohol. If someone slips Mel a drink after the bride made every reasonable precaution (requested Mel not drink in writing, directed the bartender not to serve her and cut off any guest who seems drunk) I don't think any court would hold her accountable.
Actually, it would likely be the bartender and/or venue management the wedding is held at that would be getting charged with anything. And as for DUI - that is solely on the person who drove drunk. Following your logic, every bar that someone drank and and drove home later would be getting in trouble for what happened outside their establishment. No one but the driver is legally held liable when they operate a vehicle under the influence.
I'm in Texas and have a license to serve alcohol and there are situations that both I and the establishment I work at can be held liable for someone driving impaired.
Yup! Same in Cali. I got to take a fun test about all the ways I am supposed to be responsible for everyone's choices, but still generate sales, but not over serve, but also make tips and provide great service while cutting people off... Oh, and I'm supposed to know when they have an addiction, because shouldn't serve them either...
She can come to your next wedding. I doubt this one will last since it’s apparently you’re too immature to be married let alone plan a wedding. You don’t even know what “child free” means.
LMAOOO!!!! GOOD ONE!!
You are, of course, under no obligation to invite to your wedding anyone if you don't want to see them there, but it's a d**k move to exclude one of your friends just because she's slightly younger than you(and also considered adult in most countries). YATA and a s****y friend.
What gets me is the double standard. When she was 20, underage drinking was acceptable. Now that she's 22, she has a "responsibility" to prevent underage drinking.
The hypocrisy is strong in this one. Also, her friend can just fly to just about any other country to be able to legally drink. If she is so concerned about it why doesn’t she just tell her friend that she doesn’t want her to drink at the wedding?
Because asking her underage but adult friend to not imbibe at the wedding would be the mature thing to do. Obviously OP is only playing at being a mature adult, and playing at being a mature married lady. Hopefully she grows up soon.
There are still states that have 18 as the legal age for beer & wine too.
The legal age for purchasing or publicly consuming alcohol in the United States is 21 based on the National Minimum Drinking Age Act that was passed in 1984. There are exceptions to drink (not purchase) in some states such as religious or with a parent, guardian, or spouse that's over 21.
To me it seems she has a problem with Mel and this is some kind of petty attack on her. Nothing else can explain it.
Oh, it's not a double standard or hypocrisy. It's an excuse to exclude this girl and an attempt to get the internet to make her feel okay for doing it. Or (more likely), it's a bizarre fake story.
Guess she can't go to her own wedding since it's Child free n she's the biggest baby of them all!
Slightly different when YOU are one that could be charged because of the underage drinking at the place you rent. Same as if you served underage people in your house and they were caught by cops or even a person drove drunk
If she'd said that Mel was a chronic drinker and wouldn't be able to abstain, that would be one thing. Or if she was a violent or angry drunk who was likely to cause trouble. She didn't mention each of those things. It would have been simpler to ask her not to drink and direct the bartender not to serve her alcohol. If someone slips Mel a drink after the bride made every reasonable precaution (requested Mel not drink in writing, directed the bartender not to serve her and cut off any guest who seems drunk) I don't think any court would hold her accountable.
Actually, it would likely be the bartender and/or venue management the wedding is held at that would be getting charged with anything. And as for DUI - that is solely on the person who drove drunk. Following your logic, every bar that someone drank and and drove home later would be getting in trouble for what happened outside their establishment. No one but the driver is legally held liable when they operate a vehicle under the influence.
I'm in Texas and have a license to serve alcohol and there are situations that both I and the establishment I work at can be held liable for someone driving impaired.
Yup! Same in Cali. I got to take a fun test about all the ways I am supposed to be responsible for everyone's choices, but still generate sales, but not over serve, but also make tips and provide great service while cutting people off... Oh, and I'm supposed to know when they have an addiction, because shouldn't serve them either...
She can come to your next wedding. I doubt this one will last since it’s apparently you’re too immature to be married let alone plan a wedding. You don’t even know what “child free” means.
LMAOOO!!!! GOOD ONE!!
You are, of course, under no obligation to invite to your wedding anyone if you don't want to see them there, but it's a d**k move to exclude one of your friends just because she's slightly younger than you(and also considered adult in most countries). YATA and a s****y friend.