Parent Refuses To Entertain Daughter’s Morning Tantrum, Sends Her To School In PJs
Interview
Parenting is full of making tough choices. As much as it may hurt your child’s feelings, you can’t allow them to eat ice cream every single day. And no matter how hard they cry, it’s important for them to take showers and maintain their personal hygiene.
But parents also have to remember to choose their battles. Not everything is worth having a fight over or triggering a tantrum. So when one parent realized that the easiest way to get their daughter to school was to simply let her wear her pajamas, they obliged. Now, however, they’re wondering if that was the right move. Below, you’ll find the full story that they recently shared on Reddit, as well as a conversation between the parent and Bored Panda.
Parents often have to remember to choose their battles
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
So when this parent realized the easiest way to get their daughter to school was to let her wear pajamas, they decided it was an opportunity to teach a lesson
Image credits: sergign (not the actual photo)
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Apprehensive-Sea6012
Later, the parent clarified that their daughter picks out her own clothes
“I think it’s safe to say she learned a valuable lesson from the experience”
Image credits: August de Richelieu (not the actual photo)
To learn more about this situation, we reached out to the parent who shared this story online, Reddit user Apprehensive-Sea6012, and lucky for us, they were kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda. Thankfully, the OP shared that things have definitely improved in their household since they made this post.
“I had a conversation with my wife about it after she had cooled off a bit, and she was eventually able to see where I was coming from and she isn’t as upset about it anymore,” Apprehensive-Sea6012 says. “I haven’t heard specifically from Elsie’s teacher, and I honestly didn’t hear much from Elsie about how they day went, but I can say that the morning routine has become a lot smoother.”
The parent also noted that reading the comments on their post was pretty interesting. “A lot of people seemed to agree with my approach which I was relieved about, but there were also quite a few people who had other opinions, some of which I didn’t necessarily agree with,” they noted. “But it was insightful reading people’s different perspectives. And Elsie has definitely been more cooperative with getting dressed in the morning, so I think it’s safe to say she learned a valuable lesson from the experience.”
Getting children dressed and ready for school is a struggle for many parents
If you’re a parent of a young child, chances are you’re very familiar with the struggle of getting them up and at ‘em, dressed appropriately, to eat a decent breakfast and to be out the door in time to not be late for school. Despite the fact that this happens five times a week, it can be incredibly challenging for both children and parents.
In fact, while many moms and dads look forward to school starting so they can work in peace without worrying about childcare, research has found that three quarters of parents actually dread getting back into the school routine every autumn. According to a 2023 study, it takes an average of 43 minutes for kids between the ages of 6 to 16 to get up, get ready and get on their way each morning.
Over a quarter of parents polled admitted that their kids are often late for school, and 27% say they struggle to get their little ones into their uniforms. An average of 139 hours per year are spent getting kids ready for school, and over one third of parents have trouble even getting their kiddos out of bed in time. Nearly a third of moms and dads have to convince kids to brush their teeth, and 32% consider it a chore trying to get their little ones to eat breakfast.
It’s best for parents to keep their cool when dealing with morning tantrums
Image credits: Yan Krukau (not the actual photo)
The parent who shared this story on Reddit certainly isn’t the first to have a hard time getting his daughter into school-appropriate clothes each morning. But according to occupational therapist Kim Barthel, this behavior, while frustrating, is perfectly normal. Particularly for toddlers, being assertive about what they want to wear is “all about individuation and developing their own sense of self,” Barthel told Today’s Parent.
But it’s important for parents to listen to their children’s concerns and find out if there’s actually an issue with the clothing or if their little ones are simply being headstrong. Some kids may have sensory processing issues, for example, and certain articles of clothing may hurt them or annoy them to the point of distraction. Meanwhile, other kids might just have to grow out of the phase of refusing to get dressed.
Regardless of the situation, Barthel recommends that parents keep calm and try not to become frustrated with their little ones’ actions. “If you get irritated by your child’s behavior, you’ll exacerbate it,” she notes. “Soothe and support. Don’t see it as a fight but as a need for structure and consistency.”
Wearing comfortable clothing is ideal for learning and working
Image credits: Arthur Krijgsman (not the actual photo)
The idea of wearing pajamas to school might make some parents raise their eyebrows, and admittedly, it’s probably not the best choice for every single day. But wearing something comfortable can actually be a great choice for school or work.
Mother and manager of a popular children’s boutique, Hayley Smith, shared with the Leafy Chronicle that many parents make the mistake of buying adorable clothes that end up being itchy or scratchy and can distract from their kids’ learning. “Making sure your kids are comfy is the best way to make sure that they get to spend their day doing their thing and making great school memories,” Smith says.
Adults might even be able to learn a lesson from kiddos who refuse to get out of their pajamas so as to not sacrifice their comfort. According to Vintti, relaxed dress codes can even make employees more productive in accounting firms (and presumably in all other office environments). Casual dress codes can increase comfort, boost morale, reduce stress, increase creativity and even boost employee retention.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this story in the comments below, pandas. Would you have let your child go to school in pajamas one time? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing a parenting dilemma, look no further than right here!
Readers assured the parent that they didn’t do anything wrong, noting that their daughter likely learned a hard lesson
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That's what gentle parenting is meant to be! This is real gentle parenting! Not punishing bad behaviour, but letting kids feel the negative consequences of their decision. He clearly told her what would happen if she made this decision, and then saw it through. The negative emotions she felt are neccessary in this. The only step missing is talking that through with her so she understands that her parents usually tell her to do something for a reason so the next power struggle goes smoother. They also should now talk to her and ask her why she did it to help her understand herself better and teach her how to think things through. And yes, they should try to find out if there might be a deeper reason why she doesn't want to go to school. But I disagree with the people who want OP to make everything fun or mitigate the impact by turning around. The idea is to teach her that she can avoid such situations by making better decisions. That's not happening by saving her last minute.
Yes! And this is how kids learn that they have to deal with the consequences of their actions. I have a friend whose daughter, when she was around the same age, insisted on playing outside in the winter without a coat ( it wasn’t below freezing). My friend let her and the daughter was back inside getting her coat within 10 minutes. From then on, she understood *why* she needed a coat, not just *that* she needed a coat.
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Is she awake, fed, and at school? Yes? Then that's a successful morning. Whether she's in PJs or "properly" dressed, doesn't matter.
The kid is 7 years old. Based on "throwing a tantrum every morning" I thought the kid was like 3. Maybe there's some underlying thing going on with the kid and/or the family...? But I think a relatively harmless lesson that was just a little embarrassing and will soon be forgotten by the other kids was an appropriate lesson about consequences.
I think there's definitely more going on here. The real question is why they don't want to go to school especially at 7.
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I wonder if there’s a deeper issue going on. “But later that evening, as expected, she went off on me.” As expected? Sounds like maybe there’s a history of the parents fighting. When I was a child, I used to struggle with going to school and would throw tantrums. It was for three reasons. 1, I had undiagnosed ADHD. 2, I was being bullied at school. And 3, things were not good at home. I wish adults had looked for the deeper reasons rather than just punishing the symptomatic behavior. That being said… Many school structures are designed to create more cogs in the capitalist wheel and directly conflict with children’s true needs. So, even if none of the three are applicable to this child’s situation, I still sympathize with her not wanting to go to school.
I didn’t pick up on the comment about the mother! You are absolutely correct. The way he speaks about his wife and daughter is concerning. The wife went off “as expected” and he classified her daughter’s frustration in the morning as “her bs.” I was also bullied, I starting skipping school to avoid it. My parents never asked if there was an issue, just assumed I was doing drugs.
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I definitely have seen kids out and about in their PJs and thought, "that kid refused to get dressed". It happens. But the kid is definitely going through something. A seven year old doesnt just throw tantrums about getting dressed, and the solutions the OP mentioned are for toddlers.
"as expected, she went off on me" and she said she was embarrassed because of how their parenting looks to others. No mystery where the anxiety is coming from, the mother is volatile and not at all focused on if the daughter was embarrassed/upset etc. Just appearances. Get family counselling.
People are very judgemental towards parents and will often give a condescending look or even intervene when they see things that contradict their own totally uninformed opinion of what parenting should look like. Parents who have challenging children, including children that have disabilities that aren't immediately obvious, face these challenges every single day. I suspect this is just a mother going through the same drama day after day for weeks or months without end. What she needs is a break, not therapy.
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I was this kid except… I refused to put on clothes. Turns out I have horrendous anxiety and I’m still just a functioning human being on the surface only :D In sum, make sure you’re kid is just being stubborn to be stubborn before ruining their mental health for however long.
Oh I did this once. I refused to change from MY PJs and well when you have a strict white public school in the south. Not only dose the ridicule from your parents make it hard but I legit got lunch detention for a month and couldn't go play on the playground with the others for a week. I also couldn't participate in the class won fun day even tho on multiple occasions she said it was mostly cause of me we could do it. That was my 4th grade year but with some other things happening my 5th grade year by time I was in 6th grade I was diagnosed with depression, ptsd, and, a generalized anxiety disorder. And now I'm in college and life's a mess for me.
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If this was recent, it would also be wise to consider if something else at school was bothering her, beyond just assuming that she was testing the limits...which is a normal part of growing up, but never hurts to be expansive, especially if it started with no warning.
Her first lesson in FAAFO. As a successful neurodivergent adult let me tell you in no uncertain terms that parents still have to teach boundaries and appropriate behavior. Whether she is nd or not she learned a valuable lesson. You will ruin your children if you never let them feel embarrassed, rejected, shamed or inadequate. Growth does not come from always having a good day or perfect outcome. Teach your kids REAL lessons; not lessons on how you WISH life works.
He let his daughter feel the natural consequences of her behavior rather than coddling her or beating her into submission. Sounds like excellent parenting to me.
She's in the "Found Out" stage of her actions. And this is a good thing. An important lesson was learned. I do agree with a couple of people there suggesting that it needed to be followed up by her being walked through the consequences. As well as using that as an opportunity to discussion why, specifically, she was avoiding going to school. I'd be worried about some sort of abuse happening there. It could be be minor but it could be worse. But this would be an opportunity to teach your daughter to communicate her those emotions better.
That ESH is an idiot and only inviting the daughter to continue testing boundaries knowing there is a chance for an escape clause ...
Not if there was only an escape the first time. The second time the boundary was pushed, the lesson would have been learned. Different things work for different kids.
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Actions have consequences, and the sooner kids learn that, the sooner they can become decent human beings. As someone who worked with kids, I assure you that no adult at school thought they were bad parents due to this, and kids that age end up at school in jammies all the time. Teachers are just glad they are there.
Wife is more concerned about image to people that frankly don't matter. She doesn't care because she is not thr one dealing with their unruly child. Maybe they can switch for a month and see how she enjoys the 7 year old's morning tantrums. I guarantee she won't like it, especially if their child is going to make her late for work consistently.
Kudos to the mom as well for handing this privately and not undermining the dad's authority in front of the kid.
I think the parents should have tried to understand why she was having such a difficult time changing her clothes in the morning, instead of writing it off as “her bs.” If the father hadn’t said that, then it would have been NTA but to speak about your child like that is being an AH. I know kids can be difficult (I have one younger than 7) but when you speak about them like that, you think about them like that, which makes it easy to dismiss their feelings as nonsense. The kid is just 7, her perception and understanding of the world is still developing, as is her ability to manage her emotions. What wouldn’t be a big deal to an adult, can (and probably is) absolutely be a big deal for a 7 year old. The lack of sympathy and care to understand makes him an AH.
Admire you for sticking to what you said. At the same time, I had a bully for a teacher at that age. (1958-59) who used to smack our legs if our writing wasn't up to the standered she wanted. Could there be something at school that's upsetting her?
I like what the one commenter said about having a conversation with her about why she is struggling to get dressed for school. It is possible that she could be getting bullied, has a teacher that scares her, is struggling with a particular subject and feels embarrassed when she gets called on in class, etc. Any of those things could be causing her to be acting out like this.....or it could be nothing! Maybe getting dressed is just the one thing she reeeeally doesn't like to do in the morning. But I definitely think a conversation should be had to double check that it's not something else. I used to pretend to get sick a lot in 4th grade because I had a math teacher that was pretty grumpy and mean at times. I was a shy kid so I didn't handle it very well. Finally, one day, my Mom was getting upset with me for not wanting to go to school and I broke down and started crying. When she asked me what was the matter I told her about the teacher. She ended up keeping me home and resolving it
FAFO Had OP turned around and let daughter get dressed, she would not have learned from that. Spending the day in her night clothes was uncomfortable and a great learning experience.
Thank god we live in Asia! Children have school uniforms here and the school dress code is very clear. There is never a problem like this with any parent here. Kids need a structure. They have limited choices like formal, PE, House Color, or specific event outfits. And the kids like it.
My kids were the opposite: they had no understanding as to why they had to wear pajamas every night. It was like a shock every evening when we said "get ready for bed, change into pjs." So many times they'd be trying to wear their next day clothes for bed (like jeans). To this day, I'm still unsure what the argument was. If I could wear pjs to work, I would.
Most of them are wearing pajama pants to class now a days anyway. It literally looks like a bunch of little lumberjacks doing handstands when the bell rings to let them out.
NTA but you should be looking at the root of the tantrum. Is she not getting enough sleep? Does she feel rushed and overwhelmed in the morning? Low blood sugar? My overall recommendation would be move her bedtime earlier, get her up early and have her drink a glass of milk before she does anything.
Many years ago I had this issue with my oldest child, a boy. If I didn't have a parent/teacher conference scheduled I may have resorted to the same action. I brought this issue up with his teacher. She believed it was a phase that would pass quickly and she had an idea that proved very helpful. She suggested, for the time being, he be put to bed in comfortable clothes. Even if that meant sweat pants and a tshirt. These may not be what was preferred for sending him to school, but they would be comfortable for sleeping and would remove the need to fight with him to get dressed in the morning. This teacher was absolutely correct. Within days, as soon as he realized he was no longer able to create a controversy first thing in the morning, this behaviour stopped.
During my childhood (and many generations before me, as well as for some after me) choosing what clothes to wear at school or throwing tantrums abort this was not an option. But nowadays is serious problem.
I went through this with my daughter. I didn't lay her clothes out the night before and I wouldn't let her sleep in her close wrinkled, nor did I wake her before dressing her. I dressed her in the morning while she was still asleep. It worked like a charm until she got to where she didn't mind dressing herself. Let's see.... she's 40 now, so that was two weeks ago.
Had to laugh that Sloppypoopypoppy thought it was ok to go out in her PJ's 😅 I'm worried about seeing in mine in the back yard! Sloppy poopy. Love it 😉
I've got to wonder if there's something deeper going on: is she being bullied or abused at school? Is she feeling out of place? Does she have sensory issues that mean the clothes that are available for her are distasteful? Chances are good she's just a kid learning how the world works but I'm still worried that something important is being overlooked.
I was lucky with my son. I maybe gave him about 3 smacks on his bum his whole life but he didn’t like the raised voice or I’m disappointed in you talk so he was easy. One day we passed a screaming toddler and he made the remark, that that kid needs a hiding, I laughed. Corporal punishment is not always the answer but sometimes it’s needed I have found at any rate
My mother did something similar with me when I was around 8-9. I wasn't brushing my hair. Like ever. It was turning into a constant battle - both with the matted knots and getting me to do it. My mother said if I didn't start taking care of my hair, then we would cut it off so I didn't have to worry about it. Well, the time came and she followed through. I got tired of being called "son" and "young man" real quick. My hair grew back and I learned my lesson. And just to add - I am neurodivergent. Yes, my mother knew. She had done everything she could (while still dealing with three other difficult kids) to teach me and encourage me to take care it myself. Ultimately, I learned the lesson and am grateful. And now I'm dealing with the same problem with my own daughter. We haven't made it to the actual cutting of the hair yet, but the story and the pictures definitely have helped some, lol.
was gonna say that this feels like an overly cruel punishment? but thats is theres a uniform, if she can wear what she wants then pyjamas counts ig
It wasn't even a punishment, much less a cruel one. He didn't *make* her wear her pajamas to school; he just took her to school in what *she* chose to wear and let her face the consequences of it.
Load More Replies... Sorry but yeah, don't wanna get dressed and being a brat? Lesson learned 
A lot of people are stating that this is a harmless lesson, but in reality kids are cruel even at 7. The embarrassment and humiliation have long lasting effects. I do believe in teaching children lessons for them not being spoiled but I in different believe lessons would be better learned in different situations. And not every child knows the full extent of every consequence to every situation. It sounds like she didn't truly understand until it happened. Maybe she was half asleep, didn't get enough sleep the night before. I can understand the wife's concern.
Embarrassment and humiliation CAN have long lasting effects. Not necessarily that she was traumatized by said event.
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I recall a similar story told by Chuck Swindoll. A young man went to the pediatrician for his yearly examination. The pediatrician saw that he had a number of cavities that needed to be filled, and recommended a good pediatric dentist to the mother. After they left the office, the pediatrician started to have second thoughts about recommending the dentist, as this young man had a tendency to be rather difficult. It could mean the end of a professional relationship. But the dentist hoped for the best.
So the boy showed up for the dental appointment. The dentist said, "Okay, get in the chair." Boy: "No." Dentist: "Young man, I said get in the chair." Boy: "I'll take my clothes off." Dentist: "Go ahead." The boy stripped down to his shorts. Dentist: "Now get in the chair." Boy: "I mean it." Dentist: "Go for it." The boy removed his shorts. Dentist: "Now get in the chair." The boy obeyed, and the dentist proceeded to fill the cavities.
Load More Replies... Hmm… I do think it would have been enough to scare her, but then to get back and let her dress propperly. Could have said „If you do that again, then I promise you we will not turn back next time“. But that depends if he would have been late for work then….. I hope he asked her one last time, before they got out of the house. Not an AH, but I‘m not sure if I had gone through with it the first time
I would have picked out a really boring set of clothes and put in in the car. I understand the wife. The mother always gets the flak no matter what parent missed something. Depending on the social enviroment she may have had to endure comments about it for months and had to defend your decision. As people prob dont know the background you also cemented the myth that men are incapable of looking after kids, sending a child to school in pajama. My husband did exactly that and I al still pissed I had to ve the one the teacher and other parents talked to about it, no matter my defense that I was in no way involved. In a perfect world it wouldnt happen, but it does and he punished the wife equally if not more then the kid
She needs to grow a spine and not care about what others say. She's an adult acting like a middle school girl trying to get in with the popular crowd. People complain you go if you think you could do better you're welcome to come over to try or shouldn't you be focusing on your own issues insert something like their Stanley cup being filled with wine or whatever is applicable
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One more reason I support school uniforms. No discussions. No tantrums. One and done.
Needed to get his homework done every day and not get begged to do it as school would get harder. I told him as I left that I better not be called again as I would give him a good fist to the head. One of those things I always said. So a couple of mornings later starts tantrum, doesn’t want to get dressed doesn’t want to go to school. So I had just woken up not had my coffee and I’m driving with my dog who was also non co operative. The whole way I was thinking how was I going to hit this child because I couldn’t back down. But I just didn’t have the feeling. Anyway my dog made me angry when I arrived. The mother was outside shaking & crying and I thought at my age who needed this mess. I walked in and he was on the stairs. I never thought I just gave him a flat hand to the head and got a couple onto his backside as he ran up the stairs. He got dressed, got washed and we got his lunch downstairs and me still in my Panama’s told him and the dog to get into the car. Took him to school
Things got so bad with my best friends grandson that it was a nightmare for the mother. She was a single parent and not at all decisive. Small and soft. The father decided to go to Canada to get married and I told my friend to let him go. We were hoping that he would grow into a man, away from the bad influences and pressures of life here. The child started having tantrums at 7 yrs for everything. It took 3 of us adults to raise him into the great child that he is now. He would start screaming and his mother was petrified that the neighbours would hear, which of course they could. was the bad cop which was fine, all the kids were scared of me so I was last resort. The last time I spoke to him was about his routine, how his mother couldn’t do everything herself and that at his age he should be a help to her. It was hard for her as he was as tall as she was. So we went through all the usual and I did his project with him and he practised his oral. Homework done I told him that he…
Parents need to discuss school with kid. as someone who was sexually abused by a teacher at that age i want to make sure this child wasn't acting out from a well founded fear of school
I will just thank you for your comment and remind you that you have a beautiful soul and I'm sorry for what's happened to you and that people downvoted you. In no way did they act mature by doing so. Lol they threw a tantrum at you for disagreeing with them by downvoting you!! 🤣🤣
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One of the big mistakes I see here is the parents communication and probably parenting style. I know it's really hard both parents to agree for everything, but they need to have plan and back up each other. In this situation I would send a message to my husband what I'm planning to do and would expect his approval (as he would do in the father's place). First of all - this is ongoing issue, they haven't discussed or decided what to do with her behavior, he takes that decision without her consent and the problem gets even bigger. If he spoke to his wife about his intentions, she could have suggested getting spare clothes in the car or something else. The mother was right about mad, because she was the one to take the criticism in the school, she was not prepared to get the kid in her pajamas and would probably take the bullet from friends and teachers.
OBVIOUS YTA for not informing wife, a txt anywhere in the day would have been enough. I'd personally have brought the school clothes in the car so she can have an awkward dressup if she chooses (or, not); but all the rest fine.
Just be tested. He was and he came back positive. I had always been so anti this but we discussed it and decided if it didn’t work, it could be stopped. Of course the father had a fit. Told him to go fly a kite. In the meantime the kid said he wanted to try. So I said we should. I spoke too him a week later about how clever he was, how good at sports he was. How the time was coming that he could go to a prestigious school or just the local. How the rest of his life hinged on the decisions he made now. How important his studies and sports were to him. Anyway he ended up saying thanks to his mom for the pills as it said it changed his life. He was asked to attend at least 3 of the top schools as he was very good at cricket and rugby. He has turned out to be a great kid. But it took a village not just one person.
And told him there better not be another time. Otherwise he would be with me for the school Hollidays. I rang the bell in my pj’s and he went in. Very late. During the day he managed to tell everyone I had hit his head and onto the wall. He seems proud of it. Anyway I let his mother sort that. I thought about my dad having to come home from work and being told to hit, a,b,c or d. I understood now when he said he wasn’t even cross. So that was that for quite a while but he didn’t get enough gold stars for his chores & good things so he was with me for a weekend. We went over maths test in corrections and I noticed the first part of story sums was right but the second wasn’t he knew how to do it so I pondered this. While he was writing I noticed that he couldn’t sit still. Everything about him moved. From his eyes to his legs. I watched the weekend and did work with him. I thought that he had ADHD and I was not a fan of it or pills or anything. I told my best friend that he should just
One cannot negotiate or discuss or debate at this stage. It just becomes another nail in the coffin of the adult. If a child sees weakness it hones in and uses it against you. If you do not show a United front against it. Your life will be miserable
Gross. YTA, humiliation is something we should be protecting our kids from, no matter the circumstances. Causing your children emotional pain is not an appropriate "punishment", no matter the situation.
I can't believe how many bad parents there are in this comment section, you are literally being downvoted wtf. Thank you for knowing better. Of course it's not good to pamper your child but it's not good to exaggerate like this either. She should have been given a chance because she did realize what she did was wrong. It was enough. The parent is supposed to help their children make right decisions and behave responsibly. Stupid punishment like this doesn't get us anywhere good
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Call me irrational, but my first instinct to this story was "find out what's wrong" and not "beat the child."
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That's what gentle parenting is meant to be! This is real gentle parenting! Not punishing bad behaviour, but letting kids feel the negative consequences of their decision. He clearly told her what would happen if she made this decision, and then saw it through. The negative emotions she felt are neccessary in this. The only step missing is talking that through with her so she understands that her parents usually tell her to do something for a reason so the next power struggle goes smoother. They also should now talk to her and ask her why she did it to help her understand herself better and teach her how to think things through. And yes, they should try to find out if there might be a deeper reason why she doesn't want to go to school. But I disagree with the people who want OP to make everything fun or mitigate the impact by turning around. The idea is to teach her that she can avoid such situations by making better decisions. That's not happening by saving her last minute.
Yes! And this is how kids learn that they have to deal with the consequences of their actions. I have a friend whose daughter, when she was around the same age, insisted on playing outside in the winter without a coat ( it wasn’t below freezing). My friend let her and the daughter was back inside getting her coat within 10 minutes. From then on, she understood *why* she needed a coat, not just *that* she needed a coat.
Load More Replies... Is she awake, fed, and at school? Yes? Then that's a successful morning. Whether she's in PJs or "properly" dressed, doesn't matter.
The kid is 7 years old. Based on "throwing a tantrum every morning" I thought the kid was like 3. Maybe there's some underlying thing going on with the kid and/or the family...? But I think a relatively harmless lesson that was just a little embarrassing and will soon be forgotten by the other kids was an appropriate lesson about consequences.
I think there's definitely more going on here. The real question is why they don't want to go to school especially at 7.
Load More Replies... I wonder if there’s a deeper issue going on. “But later that evening, as expected, she went off on me.” As expected? Sounds like maybe there’s a history of the parents fighting. When I was a child, I used to struggle with going to school and would throw tantrums. It was for three reasons. 1, I had undiagnosed ADHD. 2, I was being bullied at school. And 3, things were not good at home. I wish adults had looked for the deeper reasons rather than just punishing the symptomatic behavior. That being said… Many school structures are designed to create more cogs in the capitalist wheel and directly conflict with children’s true needs. So, even if none of the three are applicable to this child’s situation, I still sympathize with her not wanting to go to school.
I didn’t pick up on the comment about the mother! You are absolutely correct. The way he speaks about his wife and daughter is concerning. The wife went off “as expected” and he classified her daughter’s frustration in the morning as “her bs.” I was also bullied, I starting skipping school to avoid it. My parents never asked if there was an issue, just assumed I was doing drugs.
Load More Replies... I definitely have seen kids out and about in their PJs and thought, "that kid refused to get dressed". It happens. But the kid is definitely going through something. A seven year old doesnt just throw tantrums about getting dressed, and the solutions the OP mentioned are for toddlers.
"as expected, she went off on me" and she said she was embarrassed because of how their parenting looks to others. No mystery where the anxiety is coming from, the mother is volatile and not at all focused on if the daughter was embarrassed/upset etc. Just appearances. Get family counselling.
People are very judgemental towards parents and will often give a condescending look or even intervene when they see things that contradict their own totally uninformed opinion of what parenting should look like. Parents who have challenging children, including children that have disabilities that aren't immediately obvious, face these challenges every single day. I suspect this is just a mother going through the same drama day after day for weeks or months without end. What she needs is a break, not therapy.
Load More Replies... I was this kid except… I refused to put on clothes. Turns out I have horrendous anxiety and I’m still just a functioning human being on the surface only :D In sum, make sure you’re kid is just being stubborn to be stubborn before ruining their mental health for however long.
Oh I did this once. I refused to change from MY PJs and well when you have a strict white public school in the south. Not only dose the ridicule from your parents make it hard but I legit got lunch detention for a month and couldn't go play on the playground with the others for a week. I also couldn't participate in the class won fun day even tho on multiple occasions she said it was mostly cause of me we could do it. That was my 4th grade year but with some other things happening my 5th grade year by time I was in 6th grade I was diagnosed with depression, ptsd, and, a generalized anxiety disorder. And now I'm in college and life's a mess for me.
Load More Replies... If this was recent, it would also be wise to consider if something else at school was bothering her, beyond just assuming that she was testing the limits...which is a normal part of growing up, but never hurts to be expansive, especially if it started with no warning.
Her first lesson in FAAFO. As a successful neurodivergent adult let me tell you in no uncertain terms that parents still have to teach boundaries and appropriate behavior. Whether she is nd or not she learned a valuable lesson. You will ruin your children if you never let them feel embarrassed, rejected, shamed or inadequate. Growth does not come from always having a good day or perfect outcome. Teach your kids REAL lessons; not lessons on how you WISH life works.
He let his daughter feel the natural consequences of her behavior rather than coddling her or beating her into submission. Sounds like excellent parenting to me.
She's in the "Found Out" stage of her actions. And this is a good thing. An important lesson was learned. I do agree with a couple of people there suggesting that it needed to be followed up by her being walked through the consequences. As well as using that as an opportunity to discussion why, specifically, she was avoiding going to school. I'd be worried about some sort of abuse happening there. It could be be minor but it could be worse. But this would be an opportunity to teach your daughter to communicate her those emotions better.
That ESH is an idiot and only inviting the daughter to continue testing boundaries knowing there is a chance for an escape clause ...
Not if there was only an escape the first time. The second time the boundary was pushed, the lesson would have been learned. Different things work for different kids.
Load More Replies... Actions have consequences, and the sooner kids learn that, the sooner they can become decent human beings. As someone who worked with kids, I assure you that no adult at school thought they were bad parents due to this, and kids that age end up at school in jammies all the time. Teachers are just glad they are there.
Wife is more concerned about image to people that frankly don't matter. She doesn't care because she is not thr one dealing with their unruly child. Maybe they can switch for a month and see how she enjoys the 7 year old's morning tantrums. I guarantee she won't like it, especially if their child is going to make her late for work consistently.
Kudos to the mom as well for handing this privately and not undermining the dad's authority in front of the kid.
I think the parents should have tried to understand why she was having such a difficult time changing her clothes in the morning, instead of writing it off as “her bs.” If the father hadn’t said that, then it would have been NTA but to speak about your child like that is being an AH. I know kids can be difficult (I have one younger than 7) but when you speak about them like that, you think about them like that, which makes it easy to dismiss their feelings as nonsense. The kid is just 7, her perception and understanding of the world is still developing, as is her ability to manage her emotions. What wouldn’t be a big deal to an adult, can (and probably is) absolutely be a big deal for a 7 year old. The lack of sympathy and care to understand makes him an AH.
Admire you for sticking to what you said. At the same time, I had a bully for a teacher at that age. (1958-59) who used to smack our legs if our writing wasn't up to the standered she wanted. Could there be something at school that's upsetting her?
I like what the one commenter said about having a conversation with her about why she is struggling to get dressed for school. It is possible that she could be getting bullied, has a teacher that scares her, is struggling with a particular subject and feels embarrassed when she gets called on in class, etc. Any of those things could be causing her to be acting out like this.....or it could be nothing! Maybe getting dressed is just the one thing she reeeeally doesn't like to do in the morning. But I definitely think a conversation should be had to double check that it's not something else. I used to pretend to get sick a lot in 4th grade because I had a math teacher that was pretty grumpy and mean at times. I was a shy kid so I didn't handle it very well. Finally, one day, my Mom was getting upset with me for not wanting to go to school and I broke down and started crying. When she asked me what was the matter I told her about the teacher. She ended up keeping me home and resolving it
FAFO Had OP turned around and let daughter get dressed, she would not have learned from that. Spending the day in her night clothes was uncomfortable and a great learning experience.
Thank god we live in Asia! Children have school uniforms here and the school dress code is very clear. There is never a problem like this with any parent here. Kids need a structure. They have limited choices like formal, PE, House Color, or specific event outfits. And the kids like it.
My kids were the opposite: they had no understanding as to why they had to wear pajamas every night. It was like a shock every evening when we said "get ready for bed, change into pjs." So many times they'd be trying to wear their next day clothes for bed (like jeans). To this day, I'm still unsure what the argument was. If I could wear pjs to work, I would.
Most of them are wearing pajama pants to class now a days anyway. It literally looks like a bunch of little lumberjacks doing handstands when the bell rings to let them out.
NTA but you should be looking at the root of the tantrum. Is she not getting enough sleep? Does she feel rushed and overwhelmed in the morning? Low blood sugar? My overall recommendation would be move her bedtime earlier, get her up early and have her drink a glass of milk before she does anything.
Many years ago I had this issue with my oldest child, a boy. If I didn't have a parent/teacher conference scheduled I may have resorted to the same action. I brought this issue up with his teacher. She believed it was a phase that would pass quickly and she had an idea that proved very helpful. She suggested, for the time being, he be put to bed in comfortable clothes. Even if that meant sweat pants and a tshirt. These may not be what was preferred for sending him to school, but they would be comfortable for sleeping and would remove the need to fight with him to get dressed in the morning. This teacher was absolutely correct. Within days, as soon as he realized he was no longer able to create a controversy first thing in the morning, this behaviour stopped.
During my childhood (and many generations before me, as well as for some after me) choosing what clothes to wear at school or throwing tantrums abort this was not an option. But nowadays is serious problem.
I went through this with my daughter. I didn't lay her clothes out the night before and I wouldn't let her sleep in her close wrinkled, nor did I wake her before dressing her. I dressed her in the morning while she was still asleep. It worked like a charm until she got to where she didn't mind dressing herself. Let's see.... she's 40 now, so that was two weeks ago.
Had to laugh that Sloppypoopypoppy thought it was ok to go out in her PJ's 😅 I'm worried about seeing in mine in the back yard! Sloppy poopy. Love it 😉
I've got to wonder if there's something deeper going on: is she being bullied or abused at school? Is she feeling out of place? Does she have sensory issues that mean the clothes that are available for her are distasteful? Chances are good she's just a kid learning how the world works but I'm still worried that something important is being overlooked.
I was lucky with my son. I maybe gave him about 3 smacks on his bum his whole life but he didn’t like the raised voice or I’m disappointed in you talk so he was easy. One day we passed a screaming toddler and he made the remark, that that kid needs a hiding, I laughed. Corporal punishment is not always the answer but sometimes it’s needed I have found at any rate
My mother did something similar with me when I was around 8-9. I wasn't brushing my hair. Like ever. It was turning into a constant battle - both with the matted knots and getting me to do it. My mother said if I didn't start taking care of my hair, then we would cut it off so I didn't have to worry about it. Well, the time came and she followed through. I got tired of being called "son" and "young man" real quick. My hair grew back and I learned my lesson. And just to add - I am neurodivergent. Yes, my mother knew. She had done everything she could (while still dealing with three other difficult kids) to teach me and encourage me to take care it myself. Ultimately, I learned the lesson and am grateful. And now I'm dealing with the same problem with my own daughter. We haven't made it to the actual cutting of the hair yet, but the story and the pictures definitely have helped some, lol.
was gonna say that this feels like an overly cruel punishment? but thats is theres a uniform, if she can wear what she wants then pyjamas counts ig
It wasn't even a punishment, much less a cruel one. He didn't *make* her wear her pajamas to school; he just took her to school in what *she* chose to wear and let her face the consequences of it.
Load More Replies... Sorry but yeah, don't wanna get dressed and being a brat? Lesson learned 
A lot of people are stating that this is a harmless lesson, but in reality kids are cruel even at 7. The embarrassment and humiliation have long lasting effects. I do believe in teaching children lessons for them not being spoiled but I in different believe lessons would be better learned in different situations. And not every child knows the full extent of every consequence to every situation. It sounds like she didn't truly understand until it happened. Maybe she was half asleep, didn't get enough sleep the night before. I can understand the wife's concern.
Embarrassment and humiliation CAN have long lasting effects. Not necessarily that she was traumatized by said event.
Load More Replies... I recall a similar story told by Chuck Swindoll. A young man went to the pediatrician for his yearly examination. The pediatrician saw that he had a number of cavities that needed to be filled, and recommended a good pediatric dentist to the mother. After they left the office, the pediatrician started to have second thoughts about recommending the dentist, as this young man had a tendency to be rather difficult. It could mean the end of a professional relationship. But the dentist hoped for the best.
So the boy showed up for the dental appointment. The dentist said, "Okay, get in the chair." Boy: "No." Dentist: "Young man, I said get in the chair." Boy: "I'll take my clothes off." Dentist: "Go ahead." The boy stripped down to his shorts. Dentist: "Now get in the chair." Boy: "I mean it." Dentist: "Go for it." The boy removed his shorts. Dentist: "Now get in the chair." The boy obeyed, and the dentist proceeded to fill the cavities.
Load More Replies... Hmm… I do think it would have been enough to scare her, but then to get back and let her dress propperly. Could have said „If you do that again, then I promise you we will not turn back next time“. But that depends if he would have been late for work then….. I hope he asked her one last time, before they got out of the house. Not an AH, but I‘m not sure if I had gone through with it the first time
I would have picked out a really boring set of clothes and put in in the car. I understand the wife. The mother always gets the flak no matter what parent missed something. Depending on the social enviroment she may have had to endure comments about it for months and had to defend your decision. As people prob dont know the background you also cemented the myth that men are incapable of looking after kids, sending a child to school in pajama. My husband did exactly that and I al still pissed I had to ve the one the teacher and other parents talked to about it, no matter my defense that I was in no way involved. In a perfect world it wouldnt happen, but it does and he punished the wife equally if not more then the kid
She needs to grow a spine and not care about what others say. She's an adult acting like a middle school girl trying to get in with the popular crowd. People complain you go if you think you could do better you're welcome to come over to try or shouldn't you be focusing on your own issues insert something like their Stanley cup being filled with wine or whatever is applicable
Load More Replies... One more reason I support school uniforms. No discussions. No tantrums. One and done.
Needed to get his homework done every day and not get begged to do it as school would get harder. I told him as I left that I better not be called again as I would give him a good fist to the head. One of those things I always said. So a couple of mornings later starts tantrum, doesn’t want to get dressed doesn’t want to go to school. So I had just woken up not had my coffee and I’m driving with my dog who was also non co operative. The whole way I was thinking how was I going to hit this child because I couldn’t back down. But I just didn’t have the feeling. Anyway my dog made me angry when I arrived. The mother was outside shaking & crying and I thought at my age who needed this mess. I walked in and he was on the stairs. I never thought I just gave him a flat hand to the head and got a couple onto his backside as he ran up the stairs. He got dressed, got washed and we got his lunch downstairs and me still in my Panama’s told him and the dog to get into the car. Took him to school
Things got so bad with my best friends grandson that it was a nightmare for the mother. She was a single parent and not at all decisive. Small and soft. The father decided to go to Canada to get married and I told my friend to let him go. We were hoping that he would grow into a man, away from the bad influences and pressures of life here. The child started having tantrums at 7 yrs for everything. It took 3 of us adults to raise him into the great child that he is now. He would start screaming and his mother was petrified that the neighbours would hear, which of course they could. was the bad cop which was fine, all the kids were scared of me so I was last resort. The last time I spoke to him was about his routine, how his mother couldn’t do everything herself and that at his age he should be a help to her. It was hard for her as he was as tall as she was. So we went through all the usual and I did his project with him and he practised his oral. Homework done I told him that he…
Parents need to discuss school with kid. as someone who was sexually abused by a teacher at that age i want to make sure this child wasn't acting out from a well founded fear of school
I will just thank you for your comment and remind you that you have a beautiful soul and I'm sorry for what's happened to you and that people downvoted you. In no way did they act mature by doing so. Lol they threw a tantrum at you for disagreeing with them by downvoting you!! 🤣🤣
Load More Replies... One of the big mistakes I see here is the parents communication and probably parenting style. I know it's really hard both parents to agree for everything, but they need to have plan and back up each other. In this situation I would send a message to my husband what I'm planning to do and would expect his approval (as he would do in the father's place). First of all - this is ongoing issue, they haven't discussed or decided what to do with her behavior, he takes that decision without her consent and the problem gets even bigger. If he spoke to his wife about his intentions, she could have suggested getting spare clothes in the car or something else. The mother was right about mad, because she was the one to take the criticism in the school, she was not prepared to get the kid in her pajamas and would probably take the bullet from friends and teachers.
OBVIOUS YTA for not informing wife, a txt anywhere in the day would have been enough. I'd personally have brought the school clothes in the car so she can have an awkward dressup if she chooses (or, not); but all the rest fine.
Just be tested. He was and he came back positive. I had always been so anti this but we discussed it and decided if it didn’t work, it could be stopped. Of course the father had a fit. Told him to go fly a kite. In the meantime the kid said he wanted to try. So I said we should. I spoke too him a week later about how clever he was, how good at sports he was. How the time was coming that he could go to a prestigious school or just the local. How the rest of his life hinged on the decisions he made now. How important his studies and sports were to him. Anyway he ended up saying thanks to his mom for the pills as it said it changed his life. He was asked to attend at least 3 of the top schools as he was very good at cricket and rugby. He has turned out to be a great kid. But it took a village not just one person.
And told him there better not be another time. Otherwise he would be with me for the school Hollidays. I rang the bell in my pj’s and he went in. Very late. During the day he managed to tell everyone I had hit his head and onto the wall. He seems proud of it. Anyway I let his mother sort that. I thought about my dad having to come home from work and being told to hit, a,b,c or d. I understood now when he said he wasn’t even cross. So that was that for quite a while but he didn’t get enough gold stars for his chores & good things so he was with me for a weekend. We went over maths test in corrections and I noticed the first part of story sums was right but the second wasn’t he knew how to do it so I pondered this. While he was writing I noticed that he couldn’t sit still. Everything about him moved. From his eyes to his legs. I watched the weekend and did work with him. I thought that he had ADHD and I was not a fan of it or pills or anything. I told my best friend that he should just
One cannot negotiate or discuss or debate at this stage. It just becomes another nail in the coffin of the adult. If a child sees weakness it hones in and uses it against you. If you do not show a United front against it. Your life will be miserable
Gross. YTA, humiliation is something we should be protecting our kids from, no matter the circumstances. Causing your children emotional pain is not an appropriate "punishment", no matter the situation.
I can't believe how many bad parents there are in this comment section, you are literally being downvoted wtf. Thank you for knowing better. Of course it's not good to pamper your child but it's not good to exaggerate like this either. She should have been given a chance because she did realize what she did was wrong. It was enough. The parent is supposed to help their children make right decisions and behave responsibly. Stupid punishment like this doesn't get us anywhere good
Load More Replies... Call me irrational, but my first instinct to this story was "find out what's wrong" and not "beat the child."
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