Maid Of Honor With A Scar On Her Face Asks If She’s Right To Skip The Wedding After Bride Bans Makeup Just For Her
When you take on the responsibility of being in a wedding party, you can expect to agree to things you might not be thrilled about. Bridesmaids are often stuck wearing awful dresses, and funding bachelor and bachelorette parties can be a serious expense. But we go along with whatever the bride and groom ask for because we want their special day to be perfect, and their demands are usually harmless. Usually.
One maid of honor reached out to the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit to get some outside opinions on whether or not her best friend was being reasonable with her wedding requests. Below, you can read the story yourself, as well as some of the responses it received, and decide whether this bride had the right to make this demand or if she became a full-on bridezilla. Then if you’re looking for even more maid of honor content, we’ve got the perfect Bored Panda article for you to read next right here.
After being banned from wearing makeup at her best friend’s wedding, this maid of honor wondered if she should skip the affair altogether
Image credits: Oliver Li (not the actual photo)
The maid of honor explained that she is a professional makeup artist and typically wears makeup to cover a scar on her face
The bride, however, was more concerned about being the most beautiful person in the room
We’ve all heard of Bridezilla’s before. A particularly entitled bride whose demands go far beyond what’s reasonable. While the trope is probably uncommon in real life, it’s certainly been depicted in many shows and movies. Romantic comedies like Bride Wars and 27 Dresses feature fictionalized versions of bridezillas, demanding to control every tiny detail of their lavish ceremonies and becoming angry caricatures when anything goes wrong. There has even been a reality show titled Bridezillas running on WE since 2004, following real brides and exposing their immature and bratty behavior. Watching these sorts of shows and films makes the “bridezilla” archetype feel like a parody, but unfortunately, in cases like this particular maid of honor’s story, brides sometimes take it way too far.
The internet is full of articles with tips on how to deal with a bride who’s let the pressure go to her head. Women’s Health even has a list of “Signs You’ve Become a Bridezilla”. The first sign is when a bride snaps at others over tiny things that wouldn’t normally bother them. This can happen to anyone who is overwhelmed with stress, but a more appropriate reaction than going on a rampage is to take a deep breath and calmly collect yourself before interacting with others. Other signs you may need to dial it back are realizing that tiny details about the wedding are keeping you up at night (I promise the guests will not be as concerned about the color of their napkins as you are), becoming too dependent on your therapist or a glass of wine throughout the day, and finding yourself sending emails and making phone calls all through the night. Everyone needs rest and relaxation, even if they’re planning the most exciting day of their life.
Planning a wedding can be incredibly stressful, but it’s not an excuse to abandon all judgment and expect others to bend at your will. Brides are allowed to make a few crazy demands, but going out of their way to make their so-called best friend look bad is not acceptable. In this situation, it seems like the bride was a questionable friend long before she started planning a wedding. Let us know in the comments how you feel about this story and if the maid of honor is reasonable for wanting to skip the whole event. Have you ever dealt with a bridezilla? We’d love to hear those stories down below too!
The responses are in unanimous support of the maid of honor, with many saying the bride is not a real friend
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Share on FacebookThis isn't about make up. Your friend is incredibly toxic and you need to end that friendship ASAP. I have no idea why some girls behave like this in their friendships and get away with it. There's no way I'd allow someone to put me down all the time, especially in front of others. If you wouldn't allow a boyfriend toy treat you this way, you sure as hell shouldn't allow a friend to.
Yeah, dump that b*tch. When one of my best friends got married I was the MOH. I've been wearing black for over 20 years now, I am fat, and I am not a girly girl, so I am not comfortable in dresses. Guess what? My friend said I should just wear whatever I am comfortable in, even black, even though thst is considered bad luck. Her only request was that I don't wear white. THAT is what a friend is - or just a normal and reasonable human being.
On the day of my wedding, I thought my bridesmaids have never looked more beautiful. I was happy to let each of them shine, and didn't feel that anyone would be comparing them to me.
Load More Replies...Had a friend growing up that would always put me down. It was done in a manipulative way, and if I ever called her out, she would gaslight me. She was beautiful, but she unfortunately had pretty bad acne. Literally every guy I knew liked her, but the guys who liked me were fewer. She would point out how the guys that she knew I liked actually liked her, but in her manipulative way where I couldn't call her out. I was really insecure, but having a friend who put me down like that was toxic for me. I had to cut her out. She moved away and got engaged. She came back to have a bridal shower, and I put my feelings aside to be there for that. She and I go out to dinner the next day. Out of nowhere, she brings up some guy that I went on a few dates with a year before. After our few dates, it just fizzled out, so we weren't really into each other. Unbeknownst to me, she had dated him after I did. So she brings him up to me out of nowhere, while she's engaged to someone else, just to tell me how much he liked her - implying that he liked her more than he liked me. I was done then. When we were younger and the guys she would talk about were around us, was one thing, but when she was engaged, and she had to bring up a guy I wasn't interested in that I dated a year before, just so she could brag that he liked her more, I knew she was still toxic and it was in my best interest to not maintain a friendship
Is it even legal for 3 year olds to get married? What part of the world is this?
At my wedding I made sure my best man looked as awesome as me as he was my best friend and I wanted us to stand out and look great. I bought him a cravat and waistcoat to match mine. We looked great. Friends should make you feel good about yourself and want you to look and feel good. Ladies, you all look great without makeup, but if it also makes you feel good, then you go for it. You should present to the world however you want to. You know what, that goes for men as well or non binary people and everyone else in between. However you identify, present yourself how ever you want.
What a great attitude you have!! Your ability to accept others as they are says you accept yourself. Your post was beautifully spoken. IF ONLY EVERYONE ON EARTH COULD THINK THIS WAY...if only....Thank you.
Load More Replies...Go to the wedding. Wear makeup. And when she makes a scene, she'll be the one who looks bad and insecure. Grab a bottle of champagne and split. :)
I don't actually agree. It's the bride and groom's wedding, and "for better or worse", it's their dog and pony show. But I hope the OP declined to go. The couple gets to set conditions, but the guests can decide not to participate. And the bride will have to explain why the MOH didn't come. FWIW, anything we hope they "do" is moot, because the OP is more than a year ago, so whatever was going to happen, has already happened.
Load More Replies...I don't like using strong language, but your friend is an absolute b*tch. This is definitely an insecurity issue, with the bride being jealous. Best friends don't let their jealousy affect their friendship, and she sounds like she sees this as more important than many years of friendship. I'm sorry to say, but from the sounds of it she hasn't been a good friend to you in a very long time.
📢TOXIC FRIEND ALERT📢 Honestly I think OP should end their friendship. Friend obviously is just trying to make you bad. Honestly I think OP is beautiful the way she is. Scars don't define you. I think OP will go far in the makeup business and will end up popular.
That person is not a friend. She's toxic, insecure and constantly put others down to feel more confident. OP should reconsider their 'friendship'.
Not sure why the OP is self conscious about a scar. In any case, it's your best friend with the problem, not you. You say you have no interest in ending the friendship, but I'm here to tell you as a person that had one of these so called friends...you will constantly be held back by her and not allowed to have the life that will make you happy as long as she continues to behave this way. You say she apologizes after insulting you in front of other guys...that's what an abuser does...apologizes to their victim after the beating. But they won't stop if you keep accepting the apology and stick around. You deserve better friends. Regardless as to how long she's been a friend to you, it's time to cut the strings and float away on your own journey. You'll be happier in the long run. Just tell her maybe she'd be happier with a different MOH and back out.
I was thinking the same thing when I saw “people have made comments to her in the past calling her "the ugly friend"”. I wonder if they were referring not to looks, but to her personality and treatment of others. People definitely become more or less attractive based on their actions
Load More Replies...“I want you, and only you, to do something that makes you anxious and uncomfortable to be in my wedding. The wedding that you’ve made sacrifices to help plan.”
Yet another reason we need to shift away from the nonsense of weddings being all about the bride. Celebrations of love don't care about, "being the most beautiful person in the room."
Instead of being maid of honor, she should ask if she could be a guest, promise not to wear make up, then show up in white 😆
Yeah, you need a new bestie, because all this woman does is drag you down. She may have wanted to be the most beautiful in the room, but that day, her heart was the most hideous, already setting the trajectory for a heartbreaking divorce. A true bestie knows to get a life instead of competing with yours. You go find a man who embraces every inch of your beauty, inside and out, and doesn’t care about the scar, because you’re perfect to him. And if you don’t find one, that’s ok. Proceed to be the most fabulously interesting woman you can, and make a name for yourself! Build other people up, and they will love you for it. Your confidence, kindness, and fabulousness will make you a woman to be feared and adored by many. Forget that insecure nut job. Her hubby’s gonna realize quickly that he made a mistake. Unless he’s just like her. Oh, and next time a Bridezilla does that, pluck out her brows and draw the McDonald’s arches on her face. Then run far away.
I LOVE your comment!! What picturesque an idea you presented!!!
Load More Replies...Screw the bride. Even though she "apologizes" for her comments, she still repeatedly brings down poor OP out of pure jealousy. To be clear, feeling jealous over someone for any reason is a normal feeling, however it's how you act (or react) that makes all the difference. This "friend" sees OP as nothing more than a rival in her life and is using her to make herself feel superior. What a cr@ppy thing to do.
This bride HATES her friend. And WHO'S THE LUCKY GROOM!!!??
Load More Replies...The bride is a toxic a-hole for sure and her request is ridiculous, but I feel sorry for how insecure OP appears to be in her looks without make-up. That's not healthy. I hope she finds better friends who help lift up her confidence somewhat.
If she keeps with this "friend", no one decent would be and stay her friend. She nurtures her abuser. She needs serious therapy so she can get confidence in herself, her beauty, AND make better choices. She's with an ABUSER. She'll go for a male abuser if she doesn't kick abusive people out of her pathway. THERAPY.
Load More Replies...NTA - when someone shows you who they are, believe them. She’s shown you that she’s not your friend. Walk away.
Unless she's your *only* friend, ditch the wedding, ditch her, block her number, unfriend her on FB and get on with your life. She's an emotional vampire.
Even if the bride is her only friend, she should end this friendship. Staying in an abusive relationship to avoid being alone/lonely is a terrible idea. This being a friend rather than romantic partner doesn't change that. This girl needs to immediately cut her frenemy out of her life (send her an email informing her that she's not going to be in the wedding, attending the wedding, or doing her makeup, and that she will be blocking her on all fronts. Give her a quick rundown of why -short, she doesn't care about OP/her reasons. Tell her to never contact her again; maybe call her a bad word - it's cathartic. Hit send and then block her email address. Do not respond to any contact). As she recovers from being abused for years, her confidence should increase and she may be more comfortable making new friends. Therapy would be a good idea so she can figure out why she feels she deserves to be treated like this as well as learn to love herself and see herself as beautiful and worthy.
Load More Replies...I have huge scars across my face, I don't hide them, but if I wanted to, No one would tell me if i couldn't, she didn't tell you to not wear makeup, she told you to not be comfy, she could have said don't wear lipstick or eyeshadow, no she pointed out "all face makeup" which means she wants you to show up with it and whats you to "look ugly/unpretty, not shadow her" FORGET HER
So many people keep calling the bride "toxic". She's abusive. If we replaced "best friend" with "boyfriend" this would absolutely be called abuse. She doesn't get a pass because it's not a romantic relationship. There's an unbalanced power dynamic here, one person's self esteem being systematically eroded over time, no effort by the bride to stop/change her behavior, no actual remorse, zero respect, and the friend clearly taking great pleasure in humiliating and breaking another human being. OP is in an abusive relationship and really needs to get out of it. Recovering from emotional abuse takes a long time; you have a great day where you believe you're pretty, worthy of love/respect, smart, good person, etc, and then the little voice in your head pops in to replay all the horrible things you heard day after day, and you are back to square one. It's a long process of one step forward and three back. OP needs to get out and start therapy to heal and not blame herself for the abuse.
Honey...you're insecurity is showing, you'd better go cover that up and not worry about me covering up my scar which is a much less unattractive flaw.
Girl walk with your head held high, and exit stage left. That woman has never been your friend and never will be. Funny thing is even with makeup on and wearing a beautiful dress, her ugly insides will be on full display. You can do way better in the friendship department. I get the feeling the OP is beautiful and has no idea.
Something in them attracts them. Diagnosis it and get rid of it with Therapy.
Load More Replies...My plan for reducing bad marriages and divorces: Start a tradition of elaborate Center of Attention, Queen for a Day, Everyone Adores You, Please Please Validate Me, Princess Fantasy Days that have nothing to do with marriage. Let the women who crave such things get it out of their systems so they have a better chance of marrying for sane, realistic reasons — if at all.
I like it, but chances are the same people will just keep coming back for more. There is something fundamentally lacking in them for some reason. In part I think it's because they lack self-esteem - people who are truly comfortable in themselves don't need validation and constant compliments from others. Yet it just comes across as arrogant arseholery on a grand scale! Whatever their reasons they aren't good friendship material and are best avoided.
Load More Replies...Think about what you said: she tells others "pretty can be wiped away" and you're "ugly without makeup." Why would you continue being friends with this woman? She clearly is not a friend to you, but has used you and belittled you for your entire "friendship." She took advantage of your generosity while planning her wedding, then makes an unreasonable demand that you not wear makeup. You must, for your own peace, decline to participate in her wedding or attend, and find a better class of friend. True friends won't treat you like she has; they'll want you to feel confident and secure. This woman obviously doesn't. Her behavior toward you has been cruel and toxic, and will continue to be if you allow it.
I'm sorry but she can't possibly have a say in if you wear make-up or not ..she's being ridiculous and possibly showing signs of jealousy towards OP.
NTA, and she is definitely neither your best friend nor a friend at all. It;s not even some light-hearted friendly rivalry, she's just being nasty to you. F**k her and her wedding.
I wonder what she ended up doing. Looking at the embedded comments, they all say they're from 1 year ago.
Noticed and was looking to see if someone mentioned this lol But yeah I wonder also
Load More Replies...Nix the wedding, dump the friend, and invoice her for all that prep work you did for her wedding!
I sincerely doubt you would "overshadow' her at her wedding. Everyone will be looking at the bride, not the attendants. It's HER day. But I agree this girl is not your "best" friend. Especially if she has made disparaging remarks before. While she may have some self-esteem issues, she has no right to ask you, alone, to go bare-faced, especially when she knows you're self-conscious about your facial scar (no matter how minor). But I wonder how secure she's going to be in her marriage when the world is full of beautiful women, many of whom may indeed, "overshadow" her.
I believe it's their in-security, and lack of self-confidence. The bride seems to measure her worth with how other perceive her instead of how she perceives herself.
I checked in Reddit to see if there was an update about what happened, as this AITA Reddit post was from over a year ago. Didn't find anything. I certainly hope that in the end, she excluded herself from the wedding, didn't do the makeup, and moved on from that "friend" of hers.....
The best thing about getting older is that I find it so much easier to cut toxic people out of my life. Snip snip snippety snip!!!
What happened? Did she attend or end? Post says it was a year ago. I hope she stood her ground against the tyrant.
Ditch the b***h and move on. That’s not being a friend at all. She’s been at you for years and will likely keep going if you don’t give her the boot.
The problem started way before the wedding. What kind of friend tells you that you look way better with makeup? No wonder this person doesn't have much self confidence, do doubt because of their "friend." And to put them on blast to potential mates? Horrid. They're better off without this person in their life and not sure why they haven't seen it before now.
Four out of five of my bridesmaids were prettier, thinner and more accomplished than me. They were also my friends so I was proud of them and happy they could be there. My fifth bridesmaid was a close family member twenty years older than we were. I chose dresses that particularly flattered her, not that they didn't all look great in them. If you're marrying the right man you're the luckiest woman in the room. Isn't that enough?
That's not a friend, let alone best. Why do people stay with such toxic arses?
When you're around garbage too long, you stop smelling the stench. Poor woman has gotten used to the hateful and nasty comments from her "friend" and the wedding is just now opening her eyes to the fact that the horrible bride was never her friend to begin with.
Load More Replies...this is such a red flag. She's self-conscious and is taking it out on you. so my idea? refuse to do her makeup. or when you have a wedding just don't invite her.
Genuine question: do men also act this way to each other? As a woman, I had "friends" like OP's, who I needed to cut out of my life for my own sake, but all of them were women. I usually get on really well with guys and gave never noticed this kind of shitty behaviour among them. But then again, maybe they are behaving themselves in front of me. Hence my question.
I can answer that, yes I have met men who do. In fact two of the 'bitchiest' people I have ever met were both male (one is married to my sister). They seemed to revel in dragging others down. Their comments were always called, rather inaccurately, 'sarcasm' and waved away as banter. Toxicity doesn't have a gender I don't think.
Load More Replies...FIRST OF ALL...A real friend would not make the comments she has been making thru out your friendship. She is insecure and vain. A real friend would help you embrace who you are. I would drop her and the wedding. She is toxic and thinks admitting her faults will excuse her actions. She is not your friend. She's a jealous biotch.
Think about if you had a daughter and her friend treated her that way! 🤔 would it be acceptable? Absolutely not! This is a huge red flag to end the friendship now!! You don't need someone in your life that keeps you 2 steps back ... btw tattoo your scar to blend into your skin tone... it really works l have done it on my leg ..
I specifically asked for my sisters hair to be similar to mine as I knew she’d try to dress down for my big day and wanted her to feel as good as I did. She was walking me down the aisle and I wanted her to look stunning. Why wouldn’t you want your MOH and bestie to look their best. Toxic witch!!
Have you ever wondered if she may be the REASON ur still single. These kind of toxic chicks are usually pretty cunning sabotageurs... just sayin
Have you ever wondered if she may need the REASON you're still single? Those kind of toxic chicks are usually cunning sabotageurs, just sayin.
If it was just during the wedding I'd say wear just something to cover the scar and ignore it because weddings are a lot of pressure (which I personally think is ridiculous but that's neither here nor there) but the admission that her jealousy and insecurity goes way beyond this is disturbing. Equally disturbing is the fact that she feels she has to put her friends down to make herself feel better. The internet is a place for overreacting so I'm not going to advise breaking off the friendship over it. Everyone has a personality trait that is unattractive and can be toxic in large doses; yes EVERYONE, and if you're thinking "well *I* certainly don't" then I'd suggest you start having some deeper more personal convos with your friends because the key to healthy friendships is not to not have toxic personality traits but to know what yours are and recognize when they're affecting your friends so that you can apologize.
I don't know of one single true friend who would want you to look your worst (whether or not true) just so they can look their best. And to insult you (BS apologies btw) whenever you get attention because she's jealous? That's not a friend, that's the high school pretty girl who tries to keep all her friends around her who aren't as pretty as her just so she can look better than everyone else. Need to tell her to get bent. And to show that I can be TA, I would also wait until the last minute (a.k.a Day of I Do) with a contract that says "I will do your makeup for a price, but discounted (like 2%) because we're friends." Because she needs to pay for being such a punk a b. Oh, and don't worry. Those ugly attitudes are only held up by Botox and plastic surgery. Your natural beauty will always shine brighter than her stanky attitude.
This woman is MEAN to you and SELFISH and is NOT YOUR FRIEND. Sounds like she NEVER HAS BEEN, much less, TRULY. It's good you helped her with wedding duties while she insults you. Clearly she thinks rudeness, emotional harm and a low class attitude are routinely acceptable behaviors. But they're NOT. Usually we hear cautionary tales about MEN being cruelly control obsessed. BUT THIS BRIDEZILLA takes it?? REALLY!!! WHAT EXACTLY do you glean from your "friendship" with her that makes this relationship so important to you?? SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU. THAT you're willing to GIVE her a BEAUTIFUL GIFT of your skills and artistic professional talents to beautify her (on the outside) is truly a friend. But WHAT COMPELS YOU to do this for someone who has only disdain for you? She's an abuser WITHOUT CONSCIENCE OR REMORSE. BUT YOU enable her. Walk away from this wedding and bride, and CLOSE the chapter. And eagerly open doors to NEW REAL FRIENDS. And DON'T do her makeup. You've given enough. 👍👍❗
This woman is no friend of yours if she is singling you out by forbidding you from wearing makeup and not the rest of the bridal party. You can tell her that you are a professional and wearing makeup is part of who you are. A nurse or a teacher doesn’t stop being what they are to be in a bridal party. Ask her why she is treating you differently from the rest of the bridal party. You can tell her that she will have to do her own makeup or find another makeup artist.
This woman isn't your friend. She's an abusive, manipulative bully. In no way should you wearing makeup make this woman feel less than- and she obviously does- or she wouldn't be demanding that you not wear it. Please find another warm,considerate friend who edifies and builds you up. This is a toxic relationship and I hope you listen to the readers and commenter here and just drop out with no contact. Definitely NTA!!
Man, I would just wear the makeup, and if the B had a meltdown about it, I'd just leave, and permanently dump her insecure a*s. Who needs a "friend" like THAT.
I don't understand why the bride is doing this. Asking OP to not wear makeup would show up her scar and make her more noticeable and not less. Especially since OP said she would tone down her makeup and make the bride's makeup look good. In any case, I agree with everyone else. Dump this woman, she is not your friend.
Bored Panda us where to go to have people pile on with how one has been wronged. It can justify our reactions to be able to think "all these people agree with me". I wonder if you ever defend her when people called her "the ugly one?" (Did this generate the makeup comments?). Therefore while "no makeup" seems extreme, if you are talented enough to Ru Paul yourself --asking not to be the ugly one at her own wedding (even with doing her face) might support her in this big step. Is it about you continuing to be the most beautiful, or feelings of loss as her husband may become her best friend?
My BFF is a gorgeous blonde who was voted "Best Looking" in our senior class. We've been friends since we were 9, we're now in our 50s. I have never, in all those years, felt insignificant to her. She would NEVER say the ugly things that Bridezilla said. THAT woman is NOT your friend!
Ditch that shitty excuse of a friend, she’ll only drag you down. I know you didn’t want to end it, but it’ll hurt you more if you don’t.
Your story broke my heart, bringing me to tears as if a close friend told me their partner had been physically abusive for years. The person you have given the honored title of best friend to blatantly disrespects and abuses you making herself the most vile and disgusting creature. The fact you would allow it continue for years speaks volumes to how little you value yourself and my heart cries for you. This isn't about her at all, it's about you. You felt the need to say you are not asking how to end the relationship because every one in your life has already asked you to end it but you are looking for an alternative because you believe you deserve her bitterness and scorn. So I just want to ask you one question, why are your feelings all of a sudden important? You allow her to crush your feelings, heart and beauty in every regard, every day, so why take your stand now? Answer that my beauty and you will know what you need to do, if you can only find the courage.
Also, if you were my best friend I wouldn't let you wear makeup to my wedding either. I would want to make sure everyone there saw the true beauty of the woman I loved the most in the world as you stood next to me. I would want everyone to see the truth of your beautiful heart and your beautiful face. I would make sure even a blind man would know that to me, no one was more beautiful than you. Not on the inside or the out. You are perfect just the way you are because you are my best friend and I love you.
Load More Replies...I think she'd be happy if you did the work, then didn't show up for her 'big day'. On what planet is this woman your friend, when no one else can see you? I seriously advise you to get a therapist who can tell you this friend is abusive and your insecurity leads you to allow it. :/
Unfortunately, she doesn't realize what a good friend she has. She will when it's gone.
NTA; there is an old saying, "While Beauty is only skin deep, Ugly, however is to the Bone" And this is ultimately True for your. 'friend', since for her the "ugly" lies beneath the surface, in that her "friendship" is a facade, as she appears to be both jealous and resentful of you, not only your looks but also your personality. Young Lady, don't let an 'insignificant' scar belittle your opinion of yourself nor your inner beauty, nor for that matter what I believe to be a 'Toxic Personallity' disguised as a friend, in your Life. People such as this need people such as yourself to subtly demean in order to inflate their self worth and esteem as well as their "power" over someone they perceive to be in competition with on multiple levels. My belief is she desires to "UNMASK" you publicly in order to show that you cannot compete with her on a physical 'level'; and as an example I offer your own comment as to her (maliciously) yet oh so subtly stating how you looked Without makeup.
Your friend is a straight up B.I.T.C.H.... I am sorry that you have so much love for her ......the rose coloured glasses you are wearing have you a little bit blind to how bad it really is and we all here know you have not even told us everything. I am sure it has been horrible throughout the years. Ditch her.
Why would you want to be friends with someone who sabatoges you at every turn...telling people that basically you aren't pretty unless you have makeup on. A true friend wouldn't do that ...AND....would understand about your insecurity concerning your scar. You "friend" is a jealous...if she's comfortable being such a bitc# in front of you, what does she say when you aren't around.
Yeah, this toxic mess is anything but friendship. I'd even go as far as calling this abuse. The OP needs to reconnect her backbone to her brain and stop taking cr*p from this so-called 'friend.' Actual friends support you and raise you up - all this one is doing is pulling her down and making her feel insecure about herself. She deserves better and the best thing she could do here is nope right out of this situation. Let this bridezilla find someone else to use as a doormat.
OP, you already sound like a lovely person who is struggling with insecurity. If you spend this friendship, please at least make a new friend, someone who builds your confidence and boost your self-esteem instead making your insecurity worse. Find someone who treats you the way you treat your friends. I worry that you've grown up in an abusive household since you don't see how unacceptable your "best friend's" years of jealous put-downs have been. You might consider getting group therapy (I find it much more validating than one on one therapy) to address whatever it is that's keeping you from enjoying the full, healthy friendships you deserve.
I agree to all comments about the bride is not a friend and should be dumped as such by MOH. BUT the MOH clearly say she doesn’t want to break their friendship. Then: if MOH is a makeup artist as - she claim - she should be able to take her own makeup down without not wear any at all. Use discrete earth colours, don’t put on layer after layer of mascara, use a lighter natural color lipstick … as a makeup artist she CAN make a “nude” face makeup! Other wise she need to back down from the title as artist.
Go to the wedding. Wear makeup but the "no makeup" look just cuz you got more heart than her and you still care about her even tho she doesnt give a c**p about you. Tell her that this is how it will be for the day and she needs to accept and move on or else she needs to find a last minute emergency bridal makeup artist. Do her makeup beautifully. Grab her by her shoulders look her dead in the eye and tell her. " B***h you are beautiful. I forgive you for being so awful to me. But today this stops. I don't want to lose our friendship. You need to accept your beauty and own it for the sake of your marriage, future and the daughter you may have one day with this man. Do you want your daughter to be insecure or do you want her to love herself no matter who is around her? " Tell her you love her and it's time to grow up and if she wants, u guys can do gym or skincare journey together so she can build up her confidence. Tell her you wait for her to become her most beautiful self inside and out and are willing to stay her friend thru that journey. NOW... if this lady reacts foul in any way let her go for Christ's sake! U aren't helping her be a better person by staying. If she loses a friend she might stop and examine herself and make changes. But if you keep sucking down this horrid treatment she'll stay the garbage person she is. Ppl like that don't deserve friends.*** MIC DROP***
Why were you friends with her another minute after such nasty remarks to men about your make-up? Friends don't do that, and most certainly not more than once. The fact that she chose you to be MOH considering the way she has treated you in the past speaks volumes about her. Is no one else willing to put up with her snarky comments? Don't walk away, run.
OP needs to dump that "friend". Because she's NOT being a friend. I've been there, too. I met my ex-best friend in math class, in the beginning of our senior year of high school. For 20 years, we were like peas and carrots. But after she came out of the air force, gave birth to her son, and divorced her husband, she completely changed. She became an angry person, a complete Karen, a total helicopter mom, and an absolute one-upper, as well as a pathological liar, all rolled into one. And her son was a horrible, spoiled brat. I stayed much longer than I should have, because I didn't think it was entirely her fault. I knew that her traumatic childhood, and her time in the Air Force (she joined RIGHT before 9/11) had mentally screwed her up. And we'd grown up together. I loved her like a sister. So I put up with a lot of abuse. But when she threw me and my then 6yo son out of her house, which was at least 20 miles from my own, after dark, with no ride home, enough was enough. I had to cut ties. It hurt like hell. It still does, 7 years later. I still miss her to this day. I always will. I will always love her, and I will always wish her the best. But I had to walk away. And I'd do the same thing, all over again. People change. Sometimes it's our friends who change. And sometimes it's us who change. Sometimes we change because of them. When dealing with toxic "friends", there comes a time, when you realize you can only support someone so much. When even 20 years of irreplaceable history doesn't matter. When you cut a person that toxic out of your life, the peace of mind that follows, is worth the pain of losing them, and the sadness of looking back on fond memories of better times. OP needs to cut ties with HER toxic "friend". Because she is not a real friend. I know it's hard. But the weight lifted off her shoulders will be far greater than the weight of her sadness. I know. I've lived it.
Alot of people have already said this person is not your friend, so, I won't say it. What she is is controlling and manipulative. She has treated this way for so long you don't even see it anymore. She does these things to make herself feel better because she is insecure. Back out of the wedding and take a break from your "Friend". And she needs to find someone else to do her make up. After you do this, watch what happens next. I bet you it won't surprise you.
Her "friend" is really jealous and mean about your appearance and she constantly puts you down. F**k her and f**k her wedding.
If I had a friend and I knew she was uncomfortable without make-up, the LAST thing I would do is ask her to go without it. What an awful, self-centered person to not only tell you not to wear make-up, but then willingly accepting that you'll do hers for free. I also don't understand "the only pretty one on my wedding day". I'd think of my wedding day as a big party, celebrating my union, and everyone looks as good, different, tattooed, rainbow hair, etc. as they want.
There is no friendship to end. She is not your friend. No friend would EVER tell someone you look bad without make up.
She knows your unconfident about your scar she knows your not comfortable without makeup she knows how SHES made you feel about makeup because of the nasty comments SHE has made as your best friend she shouldn't even consider putting you through such trauma why oh why would you want to hurt someone you supposedly love so much emotionally, Hun she is no friend let alone a best friend jealousy is a horrific trait and one she obviously has I would never ever want to hurt someone I love so much she could ask you to tone it down I guess but I wouldn't even be comfortable doing that knowing how you would feel it maybe her wedding but that doesn't give her narcasistic self the right to put you through such a traumatic emotionally mentally degrading experience for her selfishness, Hun cut her out because there is someone out there who would love to be your best friend and put you on the pedostall you deserve and lift you up both internally and to everyone you may meet
Oh OP… best friend? Honey no. That is the worst friend. Please know your worth and do yourself a favor and end the “friendship “. You were the only friend involved anyway. Don’t go to the wedding.
It's the fact that everyone else but op is allowed to wear makeup that's getting to me. A blanket rule affecting all of the bridal party would be fair enough but for her to specifically exclude op is really rubbing me up the wrong way
That friend is so insecure and immature. The fact that she is so jealous of her friend that she is making such a ridiculous request of her is alarming in itself. The bride to be can't be trusted and she is definitely intentionally setting her friend up to look like raggedy-Anne just to make herself feel better. With friends like that, you don't need any enemies!!
You are in an abusive relationship. *insult- compliment- potshots - just joking.* Classic verbal and emotional abuse. Sweetie please run for the hills.
Was this article like a year ago? Anyway... I would have cursed her a*s out and I wouldn't had showed up to her wedding along with doing her damn makeup... I guess both of us would have been a*s out of make up ... only difference my a*s would have been in my bed while she is saying I do lol... that would have been hilarious... maybe I'm different but ain't no one gonna talk and down grade me even with a scar on my face... ijs. I wish my friends or BFF would did or said some that sh*t to me...her life would have been fu*ked up. Or I would have showed up with make up on... cause that would have probably be the last day we would ever be friends anyway. Ya home girl jealous of you period and you don't need that energy in ya life!!!
Pull out of this charade with this abusive b***h! Ghost her a*s! She is no friend, let alone a best friend!!!
As to the wedding, if she really is your best friend and you are as good a friend as you sound in the post then I think you will ultimately be upset with yourself for not being there to support her, if there's a way to blend out just your scar while keeping the rest natural then I think that's a fair compromise. I think this is also a decision that could be made without your friend's knowledge, you'd be obeying the spirit of her wishes without compromising your own confidence too much. If she says anything about it I would just say that you thought it was fair and that you didn't want to overburden her with your needs on her big day. That's both honest and shows that your thinking about her needs.
What I'd advise is that she sit her down (after the wedding of course, regardless of whether this behavior is preexisting she's got enough on her plate right now) and talk about how she sympathizes with her insecurities, but that making other people feel worse is not a healthy way for them to feel better. Explain that if they need reassurance of their worth they should look to their friends and husband and not to the mean comments of strangers. If she's receptive to it then great, that's a good friend! If not then it sounds like she's not really concerned with anyone's feelings but her own, and that's not really a friend. Regardless of how much you care for them if they don't care about you that's ultimately a destructive relationship that needs to end, but I've found this is rarely the case, sometimes people who value you just get a little too wrapped up in themselves to see that they're hurting those that support them and part of being a friend is being willing to work through that.
This is absurd. I never asked any of my bride's maids anything but their opinion on color / dress. Out side of that I told them do you boo. Hair, makeup, nails whatever. My only request was no one wear white. My brother and his wife showed up in Onsie Pajamas and my sister in law was in a jaw dropping cocktail dress. (Christmas wedding) I loved every second of it. You need new friends love.
You need to drop out of the wedding party completely. This Bride is not a friend of yours. She is inconsiderate, stingy and most of all not your friend. Thank her and say no thanks.
Damn, it keeps suprising me how petty and shallow some people can be
If she was really your friend, she wouldn't treat you like c**p! Dump her!!!
Bride is a narcissist. Not a friend. Anyone who has treated you the way she has needs to be abandoned. She is abusive and enjoys using the power you have given her to control you. What are you getting out of this friendship? There must be something. Or has she has beaten you down so far that you actually believe on some level that you deserve her abuse? The abuse is not your fault. It is motivated by her needs, and sense of entitlement . She does not care about you or your feelings, you are just an object to her. I bet she gaslights too. Save your self, she is damaging you. And please do not enter into any other relationships until you recognize narcissistic abuse and understand how very destructive such a relationship (friendship OR love) is for the victim. Because that is what you are...her victim, not her friend.
She is not your friend! She is a passive aggressive mean girl. She takes advantage of you when she needs you and then to the curb you go.
Wear your best face, take her thunder. You deserve the attention your Friend is jealous and insecure, she has no right to put you down the way she does.
Aww, bless you. Literally just walk away out of her life... You deserve genuine people in your life.
She is ABSOLUTELY NOT YOUR FRIEND. Sounds like a insecure, immature and jealous person. I would back out and let someone else do her makeup. She will probably disinvite you to the Wedding. Everyone can wear makeup...but you? Adios Chica!!
This reads like a bad hallmark movie. Why be friends with someone who is that insecure? Actually, who is she marrying? If the fiancé knows she’s that insecure he might want her to get therapy before being stuck with someone that … horrible.
Sounds like how my old "best friend" used to say that I would reel people in with my looks but her personality is what made them stay (when we were out clubbing, etc) and would do backhanded s**t like this all time. Drop the narcissist, feel better about yourself. Additionally, this "friend" of mine also dropped me when I was in rehab and working on my mental health and had done literally nothing to her except always show up for her. She helped me get there and then said "cutting ties is better you're an awful person" (essentially) and went behind my back to try and tell my parents (we are adults) lies she made up about how awful I was. She had a pattern of ditching people the minute they tried to improve their own lives. And by pattern I mean about 6 friends of ours before me and her girlfriends
Dump the bride. She is a very insecure being whose only goal in life is to drag other people, you, through the mud to make her miserable self feel better. She is a toxic self centered narcissistic. Walk away, go no contact and live your best life. You deserve it. Never let anyone put you down. Do Not waste your energy. They are not worth it. You are.
NTA You are beautiful! Beauty comes from the heart. Surround yourself with people who love you for who you are. When you do, none of them will notice the scar. They will encourage you to be you whether you wear makeup or not. Remove toxic so called friend. You need to realize you owe her nothing. Sever it and move forward. You will find when toxin is removed you become healthier. Does it hurt? Yes, but not for long. Keep going forward and dream big! You have a lot of people rooting you on!
She never was your friend. A true friend doesn't put you down all the time. She sounds toxic. No your not wrong. I wouldn't have gone either. I know how it feels to not like things about yourself so if your not ready to show everyone your scar then that's quite alright. She should be greatful that you helped at all. So No you ANTA
If this is her *best* friend, what the hell do her other friends do to her? No wonder she has no confidence
This is so heartbreaking for me to read. This is me and my BFF (or so I thought) from years ago. Raised together, called each other sisters, etc. Until we graduated high school and she went to cosmetology school. She and her new "BFF" were talking about going out Friday night, new friend from school is seriously fugly BTW. They claimed that me and another girl couldn't be invited "They're too pretty" they said. Didn't know I was there to hear. Was I MOH? No. I was too pretty. Dump this person NOW, she's not worth your time.
I've never heard of a "best friend" who makes catty remarks like, "You should see her without make-up" to one's potential date. Ouch! I think you are rather too simple and forgiving to have been her pal for so long in spite of this. Even now, you are actually wondering if you are being the cruel one for being hurt by her demands! By the way, I also feel you lack self confidence in your looks. Make up should enhance, not completely transform one's looks. I am sure that scar is really minor and you can gradually tone down your makeup till you get to a more natural look. We don't need to be apologetic for any marks or "blemishes"! I am sure you are lovely as you are. That toxic "friend" of yours needs to see it too. Good luck to life without her jealousy.
She doesn't want to end the friendship Stockholm syndrome oh my!!!! That's abuse babes!
Your "friend" is not your friend. She is evidently many other things, but a true friend, as she said, would want you to look and feel your best, and would never throw you under the bus in the way she continues to do so as evidenced by your story. Please stand up for yourself, and follow the advise of commenters here: either wear the natural looking makeup, or excuse yourself from the ceremony and all other obligations to her. She is unreasonable, at best.
Wear your make up and go to the wedding, if she asks you to leave then it's on her.
I’ve been in a friendship that’s exactly like this (sans the “no makeup at my wedding” request, I just wasn’t invited but…) you’re friend is a narcissist, maybe borderline but it sounds like everything’s got to be about her & how fantastic she is, plus she’s a little jealous of you which is probably why you’re besties (think “keep your enemies closer…”) but you don’t have to completely end your friendship it’s just really bad timing on her part. When my friend asked me to work for her I made it very clear that (since it was her & her husband’s place + I knew it would eventually become an issue but, as long as she respected me, I’d always be her friend but no matter… I’ve GOT to work. 4yrs later I’m still working, they’re divorced & yes we’re still friends. Key word there is RESPECT. This person has 0 for you but it’s not too late to save the friendship if she’s willing to bend if not, I’d tell her to start looking for a makeup person & enjoy since you’ll be relaxing on an island!
What you permit persists. Make your decision about you and not her. Wear your makeup as her guest if you wish or wear your make up at home. No more explaining yourself.
At the moment she asked you to come without makeup you should have said goodbye and turn around.
That is really terrible that she treats you that way, obviously she is very insecure and she didn't want you wearing makeup because, she has the problem, I'm sure you are beautiful with or without makeup, but her, she doesn't deserve your friendship, that would be the last draw for her, really, how hurtful she is!
Of course she is not your friend, and you need your head examined if you are serious about not ending the relationship. I mean, what on earth do you need her in your life for? Is she paying your bills? The " friendship" will end when she tires of tormenting you, ( probably after she has done all she can to ruin your life) or you could just choose to end it now and walk away from that witch with dignity and strength, on your own terms. If you really want to mess her up, go for the wedding with makeup on and after that never speak to her again 🙂. Also, please don't feel obligated to get her a wedding gift. She is not and has never been your friend. Don't be desperate, cut her off. In any relationship the person who breaks up first, wins. Let that be you. There will be other friends, real ones.
Please reconsider this "friendship". She is NOT a friend. You deserve to be treated with respect and compassion. Drop out of the wedding, drop her like a hot potato and do you.
She's a POS. There's no positive reason or benefit to being "friends" with her or having any sort of relationship. Idk why you do. Friends lift each other up not s**t on each other constantly and apologize without doing anything to fix it.
If thays the kind of friend you have ,dump her and ill be your friend. Hell ill be your BEST FRIEND and ill say not one word about your looks or lack of. Shes tacky and spiteful and she's only your friend because she wants what she can get from the relationship. I've had "friends like that and they aren't worth the bull they bring to my life. My friends know we can depend on each other and say the honest truth to each other and we says its with love that I tell you this... find a better bestie.
It just came to me...agree to her terms, show up at the wedding WITH makeup, when she throws a tantrum, leave WITHOUT doing her makeup.
My grandmother used to say, "Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone." No matter how you doll her up, your friend's actions have proven her ugly indeed.
I'm thinking malicious compliance, myself, but I have a mean streak. If you don't decide to call the whole thing off, point out all the attention you'll get as "Sacarface", which is probably how she'd see you, and no civilized person would.
So, Sinkvenice already posted my thoughts. You've made it clear that you don't want to end this 'friendship'. This woman is not your friend, she is toxic and you are enabling her continued abuse. That you have allowed this for some time indicates you two are codependent, locked into a repeating cycle of her abuse and your apparent need to be abused. Sorry, neither of you are healthy. If you don't value yourself, at least do the decent thing and warn her fiance.
You don't have to stop being her BFF because clearly in her eyes you are competition,not a friend.If it's one sided that's not a friendship.If it were me I wouldn't say a word in response to her message.I would block her number,on social media and once her big day gets there just don't show up to do her makeup not to the wedding.Find something to do on that day so you won't be home when she inevitably sends someone over to see why you aren't there to do her makeup or or do your MOH duties.You have given enough time and energy on someone that treats you horribly. Cut your losses with bridezilla and find someone worthy of your friendship.
She isn't your friend. Get out of this toxic relationship now. Do not go to her wedding. She is petty and ridiculous.
OP needs new friends. Whilst I don't understand nor condone women wearing tons of make-up as they usually look incredibly different without it, this lady (OP) has justified reason. If makeup makes her feel good about herself and suppress her insecurities, then it's no one business, not even the bride to be.
Holy cow. This girl is NOT the OP's friend. I can guarantee that the OP's insecurities are the only reason they are even "friends" at all. The bride keeps the OP around to have a punching bag. Continuously pointing out what she knows are the OP's insecurities are just plain old b***h moves. Apologies don't mean Jack if the behavior continues. Someone who is TRULY sorry would have stopped the behavior after the first or second time the OP expressed how this hurt her. The bride is ugly on the inside and mean spirited. These things make you ugly on the outside. Tell her your wedding AND PARTING gifts are the work you've done to help with her wedding and then walk away. WALK. AWAY. Well...RUN. RUN FAR FAR AWAY.
Most f**ked up part about the entire article is that these people still have the balls to consider each other friends. That's not friendship. I feel like that shouldn't need to be explained.
That’s some psycho s**t. I think you should just not go and dont do her make up either. That’s some jealous petty ridiculous behavior that honestly she should be embarrassed about even asking or saying out loud. I had a friend that uninvited me from her birthday party because I made a joke she didn’t like. I said fine. Day of party I get a message from her your really not coming? Nope, really not. You need to cut behavior like that right off because the fact that she thinks its ok for her to do that is cause you let her.
Listen to what everybody is saying. You have the right to set boundaries. You have the right to be respected and treated with kindness. This behavior of hers is not directed at just you. She does this to other friends and her own family. This is emotional blackmail: " if you love me then you should do this for me," whatever "this" is. Apparently, no one has ever said no to her. Say it with me, "I'm allowed to set boundaries, I deserve to be respected, I deserve to be treated with kindness." The bridezilla isn't doing any of those things for you. Get out now, BEFORE the wedding. If you go, you will be miserable.
You say you don't want to end this friendship but like everyone else is saying, you should and you must she will not get any better she will continue being a mean nasty person but you need to look at why you feel like this about her. I believe you need some sort of help especially because you think you need to keep her friendship. Why isn't she telling everyone else not to wear makeup. Why just you? Seriously sweetie get yourself some help. Don't go to her wedding as a moh. Go as a guest of you want. I don't think you should but at least you could wear makeup. Good luck
Not only is she not your friend, I doubt she is anybody's friend.
Um, if she points out your looks like that she is NOT your friend let alone "best" friend. GTFO NOW.
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Girl -- she has spent this entire "friendship" trying to keep you down. On the other side - with true firends - without her - imagine how you could flourish! I know it's hard to see now, but she is holding you back because of her own pain and insecurities.
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I would have told her to fein COVID just to get out of going and like everyone else is saying re-evaluate your friendship after.
Why should she fake anything? Lying, whether white or harmless fibs, are STILL LIES and will make her look as bad as the bride. As a general rule doing the right thing, although usually the most painful, is ALWAYS the RIGHT thing to do.
Load More Replies...I think no one has pointed out the obvious... This MOH is turning to social media to "get help" with her dilemma but obviously she isn't a good friend either. When you're friends with someone for several years any issues you have need to be dealt with privately. To me her post seems more like attention seeking behavior. Yes her friend seems to have some self-esteem issues and is maybe being a bit bridezilla. Either work this out between the two of you right now or stop being friends right now.
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how many times do girls have to say this. so what if a girl likes makeup or push up bras. she wears them because it makes her feel beautiful. it's not about how you feel. a girl doesn't have to wear exactly what you want, because she is in charge of her own body and your comments really don't matter. also tbh this explains why you don't have a girlfriend. make sure you tell a girl that you only like "natural girls" so she knows to avoid you
Load More Replies...She already proposed that to the bride and the bride still said no. No makeup and that only applies to OP
Load More Replies...This isn't about make up. Your friend is incredibly toxic and you need to end that friendship ASAP. I have no idea why some girls behave like this in their friendships and get away with it. There's no way I'd allow someone to put me down all the time, especially in front of others. If you wouldn't allow a boyfriend toy treat you this way, you sure as hell shouldn't allow a friend to.
Yeah, dump that b*tch. When one of my best friends got married I was the MOH. I've been wearing black for over 20 years now, I am fat, and I am not a girly girl, so I am not comfortable in dresses. Guess what? My friend said I should just wear whatever I am comfortable in, even black, even though thst is considered bad luck. Her only request was that I don't wear white. THAT is what a friend is - or just a normal and reasonable human being.
On the day of my wedding, I thought my bridesmaids have never looked more beautiful. I was happy to let each of them shine, and didn't feel that anyone would be comparing them to me.
Load More Replies...Had a friend growing up that would always put me down. It was done in a manipulative way, and if I ever called her out, she would gaslight me. She was beautiful, but she unfortunately had pretty bad acne. Literally every guy I knew liked her, but the guys who liked me were fewer. She would point out how the guys that she knew I liked actually liked her, but in her manipulative way where I couldn't call her out. I was really insecure, but having a friend who put me down like that was toxic for me. I had to cut her out. She moved away and got engaged. She came back to have a bridal shower, and I put my feelings aside to be there for that. She and I go out to dinner the next day. Out of nowhere, she brings up some guy that I went on a few dates with a year before. After our few dates, it just fizzled out, so we weren't really into each other. Unbeknownst to me, she had dated him after I did. So she brings him up to me out of nowhere, while she's engaged to someone else, just to tell me how much he liked her - implying that he liked her more than he liked me. I was done then. When we were younger and the guys she would talk about were around us, was one thing, but when she was engaged, and she had to bring up a guy I wasn't interested in that I dated a year before, just so she could brag that he liked her more, I knew she was still toxic and it was in my best interest to not maintain a friendship
Is it even legal for 3 year olds to get married? What part of the world is this?
At my wedding I made sure my best man looked as awesome as me as he was my best friend and I wanted us to stand out and look great. I bought him a cravat and waistcoat to match mine. We looked great. Friends should make you feel good about yourself and want you to look and feel good. Ladies, you all look great without makeup, but if it also makes you feel good, then you go for it. You should present to the world however you want to. You know what, that goes for men as well or non binary people and everyone else in between. However you identify, present yourself how ever you want.
What a great attitude you have!! Your ability to accept others as they are says you accept yourself. Your post was beautifully spoken. IF ONLY EVERYONE ON EARTH COULD THINK THIS WAY...if only....Thank you.
Load More Replies...Go to the wedding. Wear makeup. And when she makes a scene, she'll be the one who looks bad and insecure. Grab a bottle of champagne and split. :)
I don't actually agree. It's the bride and groom's wedding, and "for better or worse", it's their dog and pony show. But I hope the OP declined to go. The couple gets to set conditions, but the guests can decide not to participate. And the bride will have to explain why the MOH didn't come. FWIW, anything we hope they "do" is moot, because the OP is more than a year ago, so whatever was going to happen, has already happened.
Load More Replies...I don't like using strong language, but your friend is an absolute b*tch. This is definitely an insecurity issue, with the bride being jealous. Best friends don't let their jealousy affect their friendship, and she sounds like she sees this as more important than many years of friendship. I'm sorry to say, but from the sounds of it she hasn't been a good friend to you in a very long time.
📢TOXIC FRIEND ALERT📢 Honestly I think OP should end their friendship. Friend obviously is just trying to make you bad. Honestly I think OP is beautiful the way she is. Scars don't define you. I think OP will go far in the makeup business and will end up popular.
That person is not a friend. She's toxic, insecure and constantly put others down to feel more confident. OP should reconsider their 'friendship'.
Not sure why the OP is self conscious about a scar. In any case, it's your best friend with the problem, not you. You say you have no interest in ending the friendship, but I'm here to tell you as a person that had one of these so called friends...you will constantly be held back by her and not allowed to have the life that will make you happy as long as she continues to behave this way. You say she apologizes after insulting you in front of other guys...that's what an abuser does...apologizes to their victim after the beating. But they won't stop if you keep accepting the apology and stick around. You deserve better friends. Regardless as to how long she's been a friend to you, it's time to cut the strings and float away on your own journey. You'll be happier in the long run. Just tell her maybe she'd be happier with a different MOH and back out.
I was thinking the same thing when I saw “people have made comments to her in the past calling her "the ugly friend"”. I wonder if they were referring not to looks, but to her personality and treatment of others. People definitely become more or less attractive based on their actions
Load More Replies...“I want you, and only you, to do something that makes you anxious and uncomfortable to be in my wedding. The wedding that you’ve made sacrifices to help plan.”
Yet another reason we need to shift away from the nonsense of weddings being all about the bride. Celebrations of love don't care about, "being the most beautiful person in the room."
Instead of being maid of honor, she should ask if she could be a guest, promise not to wear make up, then show up in white 😆
Yeah, you need a new bestie, because all this woman does is drag you down. She may have wanted to be the most beautiful in the room, but that day, her heart was the most hideous, already setting the trajectory for a heartbreaking divorce. A true bestie knows to get a life instead of competing with yours. You go find a man who embraces every inch of your beauty, inside and out, and doesn’t care about the scar, because you’re perfect to him. And if you don’t find one, that’s ok. Proceed to be the most fabulously interesting woman you can, and make a name for yourself! Build other people up, and they will love you for it. Your confidence, kindness, and fabulousness will make you a woman to be feared and adored by many. Forget that insecure nut job. Her hubby’s gonna realize quickly that he made a mistake. Unless he’s just like her. Oh, and next time a Bridezilla does that, pluck out her brows and draw the McDonald’s arches on her face. Then run far away.
I LOVE your comment!! What picturesque an idea you presented!!!
Load More Replies...Screw the bride. Even though she "apologizes" for her comments, she still repeatedly brings down poor OP out of pure jealousy. To be clear, feeling jealous over someone for any reason is a normal feeling, however it's how you act (or react) that makes all the difference. This "friend" sees OP as nothing more than a rival in her life and is using her to make herself feel superior. What a cr@ppy thing to do.
This bride HATES her friend. And WHO'S THE LUCKY GROOM!!!??
Load More Replies...The bride is a toxic a-hole for sure and her request is ridiculous, but I feel sorry for how insecure OP appears to be in her looks without make-up. That's not healthy. I hope she finds better friends who help lift up her confidence somewhat.
If she keeps with this "friend", no one decent would be and stay her friend. She nurtures her abuser. She needs serious therapy so she can get confidence in herself, her beauty, AND make better choices. She's with an ABUSER. She'll go for a male abuser if she doesn't kick abusive people out of her pathway. THERAPY.
Load More Replies...NTA - when someone shows you who they are, believe them. She’s shown you that she’s not your friend. Walk away.
Unless she's your *only* friend, ditch the wedding, ditch her, block her number, unfriend her on FB and get on with your life. She's an emotional vampire.
Even if the bride is her only friend, she should end this friendship. Staying in an abusive relationship to avoid being alone/lonely is a terrible idea. This being a friend rather than romantic partner doesn't change that. This girl needs to immediately cut her frenemy out of her life (send her an email informing her that she's not going to be in the wedding, attending the wedding, or doing her makeup, and that she will be blocking her on all fronts. Give her a quick rundown of why -short, she doesn't care about OP/her reasons. Tell her to never contact her again; maybe call her a bad word - it's cathartic. Hit send and then block her email address. Do not respond to any contact). As she recovers from being abused for years, her confidence should increase and she may be more comfortable making new friends. Therapy would be a good idea so she can figure out why she feels she deserves to be treated like this as well as learn to love herself and see herself as beautiful and worthy.
Load More Replies...I have huge scars across my face, I don't hide them, but if I wanted to, No one would tell me if i couldn't, she didn't tell you to not wear makeup, she told you to not be comfy, she could have said don't wear lipstick or eyeshadow, no she pointed out "all face makeup" which means she wants you to show up with it and whats you to "look ugly/unpretty, not shadow her" FORGET HER
So many people keep calling the bride "toxic". She's abusive. If we replaced "best friend" with "boyfriend" this would absolutely be called abuse. She doesn't get a pass because it's not a romantic relationship. There's an unbalanced power dynamic here, one person's self esteem being systematically eroded over time, no effort by the bride to stop/change her behavior, no actual remorse, zero respect, and the friend clearly taking great pleasure in humiliating and breaking another human being. OP is in an abusive relationship and really needs to get out of it. Recovering from emotional abuse takes a long time; you have a great day where you believe you're pretty, worthy of love/respect, smart, good person, etc, and then the little voice in your head pops in to replay all the horrible things you heard day after day, and you are back to square one. It's a long process of one step forward and three back. OP needs to get out and start therapy to heal and not blame herself for the abuse.
Honey...you're insecurity is showing, you'd better go cover that up and not worry about me covering up my scar which is a much less unattractive flaw.
Girl walk with your head held high, and exit stage left. That woman has never been your friend and never will be. Funny thing is even with makeup on and wearing a beautiful dress, her ugly insides will be on full display. You can do way better in the friendship department. I get the feeling the OP is beautiful and has no idea.
Something in them attracts them. Diagnosis it and get rid of it with Therapy.
Load More Replies...My plan for reducing bad marriages and divorces: Start a tradition of elaborate Center of Attention, Queen for a Day, Everyone Adores You, Please Please Validate Me, Princess Fantasy Days that have nothing to do with marriage. Let the women who crave such things get it out of their systems so they have a better chance of marrying for sane, realistic reasons — if at all.
I like it, but chances are the same people will just keep coming back for more. There is something fundamentally lacking in them for some reason. In part I think it's because they lack self-esteem - people who are truly comfortable in themselves don't need validation and constant compliments from others. Yet it just comes across as arrogant arseholery on a grand scale! Whatever their reasons they aren't good friendship material and are best avoided.
Load More Replies...Think about what you said: she tells others "pretty can be wiped away" and you're "ugly without makeup." Why would you continue being friends with this woman? She clearly is not a friend to you, but has used you and belittled you for your entire "friendship." She took advantage of your generosity while planning her wedding, then makes an unreasonable demand that you not wear makeup. You must, for your own peace, decline to participate in her wedding or attend, and find a better class of friend. True friends won't treat you like she has; they'll want you to feel confident and secure. This woman obviously doesn't. Her behavior toward you has been cruel and toxic, and will continue to be if you allow it.
I'm sorry but she can't possibly have a say in if you wear make-up or not ..she's being ridiculous and possibly showing signs of jealousy towards OP.
NTA, and she is definitely neither your best friend nor a friend at all. It;s not even some light-hearted friendly rivalry, she's just being nasty to you. F**k her and her wedding.
I wonder what she ended up doing. Looking at the embedded comments, they all say they're from 1 year ago.
Noticed and was looking to see if someone mentioned this lol But yeah I wonder also
Load More Replies...Nix the wedding, dump the friend, and invoice her for all that prep work you did for her wedding!
I sincerely doubt you would "overshadow' her at her wedding. Everyone will be looking at the bride, not the attendants. It's HER day. But I agree this girl is not your "best" friend. Especially if she has made disparaging remarks before. While she may have some self-esteem issues, she has no right to ask you, alone, to go bare-faced, especially when she knows you're self-conscious about your facial scar (no matter how minor). But I wonder how secure she's going to be in her marriage when the world is full of beautiful women, many of whom may indeed, "overshadow" her.
I believe it's their in-security, and lack of self-confidence. The bride seems to measure her worth with how other perceive her instead of how she perceives herself.
I checked in Reddit to see if there was an update about what happened, as this AITA Reddit post was from over a year ago. Didn't find anything. I certainly hope that in the end, she excluded herself from the wedding, didn't do the makeup, and moved on from that "friend" of hers.....
The best thing about getting older is that I find it so much easier to cut toxic people out of my life. Snip snip snippety snip!!!
What happened? Did she attend or end? Post says it was a year ago. I hope she stood her ground against the tyrant.
Ditch the b***h and move on. That’s not being a friend at all. She’s been at you for years and will likely keep going if you don’t give her the boot.
The problem started way before the wedding. What kind of friend tells you that you look way better with makeup? No wonder this person doesn't have much self confidence, do doubt because of their "friend." And to put them on blast to potential mates? Horrid. They're better off without this person in their life and not sure why they haven't seen it before now.
Four out of five of my bridesmaids were prettier, thinner and more accomplished than me. They were also my friends so I was proud of them and happy they could be there. My fifth bridesmaid was a close family member twenty years older than we were. I chose dresses that particularly flattered her, not that they didn't all look great in them. If you're marrying the right man you're the luckiest woman in the room. Isn't that enough?
That's not a friend, let alone best. Why do people stay with such toxic arses?
When you're around garbage too long, you stop smelling the stench. Poor woman has gotten used to the hateful and nasty comments from her "friend" and the wedding is just now opening her eyes to the fact that the horrible bride was never her friend to begin with.
Load More Replies...this is such a red flag. She's self-conscious and is taking it out on you. so my idea? refuse to do her makeup. or when you have a wedding just don't invite her.
Genuine question: do men also act this way to each other? As a woman, I had "friends" like OP's, who I needed to cut out of my life for my own sake, but all of them were women. I usually get on really well with guys and gave never noticed this kind of shitty behaviour among them. But then again, maybe they are behaving themselves in front of me. Hence my question.
I can answer that, yes I have met men who do. In fact two of the 'bitchiest' people I have ever met were both male (one is married to my sister). They seemed to revel in dragging others down. Their comments were always called, rather inaccurately, 'sarcasm' and waved away as banter. Toxicity doesn't have a gender I don't think.
Load More Replies...FIRST OF ALL...A real friend would not make the comments she has been making thru out your friendship. She is insecure and vain. A real friend would help you embrace who you are. I would drop her and the wedding. She is toxic and thinks admitting her faults will excuse her actions. She is not your friend. She's a jealous biotch.
Think about if you had a daughter and her friend treated her that way! 🤔 would it be acceptable? Absolutely not! This is a huge red flag to end the friendship now!! You don't need someone in your life that keeps you 2 steps back ... btw tattoo your scar to blend into your skin tone... it really works l have done it on my leg ..
I specifically asked for my sisters hair to be similar to mine as I knew she’d try to dress down for my big day and wanted her to feel as good as I did. She was walking me down the aisle and I wanted her to look stunning. Why wouldn’t you want your MOH and bestie to look their best. Toxic witch!!
Have you ever wondered if she may be the REASON ur still single. These kind of toxic chicks are usually pretty cunning sabotageurs... just sayin
Have you ever wondered if she may need the REASON you're still single? Those kind of toxic chicks are usually cunning sabotageurs, just sayin.
If it was just during the wedding I'd say wear just something to cover the scar and ignore it because weddings are a lot of pressure (which I personally think is ridiculous but that's neither here nor there) but the admission that her jealousy and insecurity goes way beyond this is disturbing. Equally disturbing is the fact that she feels she has to put her friends down to make herself feel better. The internet is a place for overreacting so I'm not going to advise breaking off the friendship over it. Everyone has a personality trait that is unattractive and can be toxic in large doses; yes EVERYONE, and if you're thinking "well *I* certainly don't" then I'd suggest you start having some deeper more personal convos with your friends because the key to healthy friendships is not to not have toxic personality traits but to know what yours are and recognize when they're affecting your friends so that you can apologize.
I don't know of one single true friend who would want you to look your worst (whether or not true) just so they can look their best. And to insult you (BS apologies btw) whenever you get attention because she's jealous? That's not a friend, that's the high school pretty girl who tries to keep all her friends around her who aren't as pretty as her just so she can look better than everyone else. Need to tell her to get bent. And to show that I can be TA, I would also wait until the last minute (a.k.a Day of I Do) with a contract that says "I will do your makeup for a price, but discounted (like 2%) because we're friends." Because she needs to pay for being such a punk a b. Oh, and don't worry. Those ugly attitudes are only held up by Botox and plastic surgery. Your natural beauty will always shine brighter than her stanky attitude.
This woman is MEAN to you and SELFISH and is NOT YOUR FRIEND. Sounds like she NEVER HAS BEEN, much less, TRULY. It's good you helped her with wedding duties while she insults you. Clearly she thinks rudeness, emotional harm and a low class attitude are routinely acceptable behaviors. But they're NOT. Usually we hear cautionary tales about MEN being cruelly control obsessed. BUT THIS BRIDEZILLA takes it?? REALLY!!! WHAT EXACTLY do you glean from your "friendship" with her that makes this relationship so important to you?? SHE DOESN'T LIKE YOU. THAT you're willing to GIVE her a BEAUTIFUL GIFT of your skills and artistic professional talents to beautify her (on the outside) is truly a friend. But WHAT COMPELS YOU to do this for someone who has only disdain for you? She's an abuser WITHOUT CONSCIENCE OR REMORSE. BUT YOU enable her. Walk away from this wedding and bride, and CLOSE the chapter. And eagerly open doors to NEW REAL FRIENDS. And DON'T do her makeup. You've given enough. 👍👍❗
This woman is no friend of yours if she is singling you out by forbidding you from wearing makeup and not the rest of the bridal party. You can tell her that you are a professional and wearing makeup is part of who you are. A nurse or a teacher doesn’t stop being what they are to be in a bridal party. Ask her why she is treating you differently from the rest of the bridal party. You can tell her that she will have to do her own makeup or find another makeup artist.
This woman isn't your friend. She's an abusive, manipulative bully. In no way should you wearing makeup make this woman feel less than- and she obviously does- or she wouldn't be demanding that you not wear it. Please find another warm,considerate friend who edifies and builds you up. This is a toxic relationship and I hope you listen to the readers and commenter here and just drop out with no contact. Definitely NTA!!
Man, I would just wear the makeup, and if the B had a meltdown about it, I'd just leave, and permanently dump her insecure a*s. Who needs a "friend" like THAT.
I don't understand why the bride is doing this. Asking OP to not wear makeup would show up her scar and make her more noticeable and not less. Especially since OP said she would tone down her makeup and make the bride's makeup look good. In any case, I agree with everyone else. Dump this woman, she is not your friend.
Bored Panda us where to go to have people pile on with how one has been wronged. It can justify our reactions to be able to think "all these people agree with me". I wonder if you ever defend her when people called her "the ugly one?" (Did this generate the makeup comments?). Therefore while "no makeup" seems extreme, if you are talented enough to Ru Paul yourself --asking not to be the ugly one at her own wedding (even with doing her face) might support her in this big step. Is it about you continuing to be the most beautiful, or feelings of loss as her husband may become her best friend?
My BFF is a gorgeous blonde who was voted "Best Looking" in our senior class. We've been friends since we were 9, we're now in our 50s. I have never, in all those years, felt insignificant to her. She would NEVER say the ugly things that Bridezilla said. THAT woman is NOT your friend!
Ditch that shitty excuse of a friend, she’ll only drag you down. I know you didn’t want to end it, but it’ll hurt you more if you don’t.
Your story broke my heart, bringing me to tears as if a close friend told me their partner had been physically abusive for years. The person you have given the honored title of best friend to blatantly disrespects and abuses you making herself the most vile and disgusting creature. The fact you would allow it continue for years speaks volumes to how little you value yourself and my heart cries for you. This isn't about her at all, it's about you. You felt the need to say you are not asking how to end the relationship because every one in your life has already asked you to end it but you are looking for an alternative because you believe you deserve her bitterness and scorn. So I just want to ask you one question, why are your feelings all of a sudden important? You allow her to crush your feelings, heart and beauty in every regard, every day, so why take your stand now? Answer that my beauty and you will know what you need to do, if you can only find the courage.
Also, if you were my best friend I wouldn't let you wear makeup to my wedding either. I would want to make sure everyone there saw the true beauty of the woman I loved the most in the world as you stood next to me. I would want everyone to see the truth of your beautiful heart and your beautiful face. I would make sure even a blind man would know that to me, no one was more beautiful than you. Not on the inside or the out. You are perfect just the way you are because you are my best friend and I love you.
Load More Replies...I think she'd be happy if you did the work, then didn't show up for her 'big day'. On what planet is this woman your friend, when no one else can see you? I seriously advise you to get a therapist who can tell you this friend is abusive and your insecurity leads you to allow it. :/
Unfortunately, she doesn't realize what a good friend she has. She will when it's gone.
NTA; there is an old saying, "While Beauty is only skin deep, Ugly, however is to the Bone" And this is ultimately True for your. 'friend', since for her the "ugly" lies beneath the surface, in that her "friendship" is a facade, as she appears to be both jealous and resentful of you, not only your looks but also your personality. Young Lady, don't let an 'insignificant' scar belittle your opinion of yourself nor your inner beauty, nor for that matter what I believe to be a 'Toxic Personallity' disguised as a friend, in your Life. People such as this need people such as yourself to subtly demean in order to inflate their self worth and esteem as well as their "power" over someone they perceive to be in competition with on multiple levels. My belief is she desires to "UNMASK" you publicly in order to show that you cannot compete with her on a physical 'level'; and as an example I offer your own comment as to her (maliciously) yet oh so subtly stating how you looked Without makeup.
Your friend is a straight up B.I.T.C.H.... I am sorry that you have so much love for her ......the rose coloured glasses you are wearing have you a little bit blind to how bad it really is and we all here know you have not even told us everything. I am sure it has been horrible throughout the years. Ditch her.
Why would you want to be friends with someone who sabatoges you at every turn...telling people that basically you aren't pretty unless you have makeup on. A true friend wouldn't do that ...AND....would understand about your insecurity concerning your scar. You "friend" is a jealous...if she's comfortable being such a bitc# in front of you, what does she say when you aren't around.
Yeah, this toxic mess is anything but friendship. I'd even go as far as calling this abuse. The OP needs to reconnect her backbone to her brain and stop taking cr*p from this so-called 'friend.' Actual friends support you and raise you up - all this one is doing is pulling her down and making her feel insecure about herself. She deserves better and the best thing she could do here is nope right out of this situation. Let this bridezilla find someone else to use as a doormat.
OP, you already sound like a lovely person who is struggling with insecurity. If you spend this friendship, please at least make a new friend, someone who builds your confidence and boost your self-esteem instead making your insecurity worse. Find someone who treats you the way you treat your friends. I worry that you've grown up in an abusive household since you don't see how unacceptable your "best friend's" years of jealous put-downs have been. You might consider getting group therapy (I find it much more validating than one on one therapy) to address whatever it is that's keeping you from enjoying the full, healthy friendships you deserve.
I agree to all comments about the bride is not a friend and should be dumped as such by MOH. BUT the MOH clearly say she doesn’t want to break their friendship. Then: if MOH is a makeup artist as - she claim - she should be able to take her own makeup down without not wear any at all. Use discrete earth colours, don’t put on layer after layer of mascara, use a lighter natural color lipstick … as a makeup artist she CAN make a “nude” face makeup! Other wise she need to back down from the title as artist.
Go to the wedding. Wear makeup but the "no makeup" look just cuz you got more heart than her and you still care about her even tho she doesnt give a c**p about you. Tell her that this is how it will be for the day and she needs to accept and move on or else she needs to find a last minute emergency bridal makeup artist. Do her makeup beautifully. Grab her by her shoulders look her dead in the eye and tell her. " B***h you are beautiful. I forgive you for being so awful to me. But today this stops. I don't want to lose our friendship. You need to accept your beauty and own it for the sake of your marriage, future and the daughter you may have one day with this man. Do you want your daughter to be insecure or do you want her to love herself no matter who is around her? " Tell her you love her and it's time to grow up and if she wants, u guys can do gym or skincare journey together so she can build up her confidence. Tell her you wait for her to become her most beautiful self inside and out and are willing to stay her friend thru that journey. NOW... if this lady reacts foul in any way let her go for Christ's sake! U aren't helping her be a better person by staying. If she loses a friend she might stop and examine herself and make changes. But if you keep sucking down this horrid treatment she'll stay the garbage person she is. Ppl like that don't deserve friends.*** MIC DROP***
Why were you friends with her another minute after such nasty remarks to men about your make-up? Friends don't do that, and most certainly not more than once. The fact that she chose you to be MOH considering the way she has treated you in the past speaks volumes about her. Is no one else willing to put up with her snarky comments? Don't walk away, run.
OP needs to dump that "friend". Because she's NOT being a friend. I've been there, too. I met my ex-best friend in math class, in the beginning of our senior year of high school. For 20 years, we were like peas and carrots. But after she came out of the air force, gave birth to her son, and divorced her husband, she completely changed. She became an angry person, a complete Karen, a total helicopter mom, and an absolute one-upper, as well as a pathological liar, all rolled into one. And her son was a horrible, spoiled brat. I stayed much longer than I should have, because I didn't think it was entirely her fault. I knew that her traumatic childhood, and her time in the Air Force (she joined RIGHT before 9/11) had mentally screwed her up. And we'd grown up together. I loved her like a sister. So I put up with a lot of abuse. But when she threw me and my then 6yo son out of her house, which was at least 20 miles from my own, after dark, with no ride home, enough was enough. I had to cut ties. It hurt like hell. It still does, 7 years later. I still miss her to this day. I always will. I will always love her, and I will always wish her the best. But I had to walk away. And I'd do the same thing, all over again. People change. Sometimes it's our friends who change. And sometimes it's us who change. Sometimes we change because of them. When dealing with toxic "friends", there comes a time, when you realize you can only support someone so much. When even 20 years of irreplaceable history doesn't matter. When you cut a person that toxic out of your life, the peace of mind that follows, is worth the pain of losing them, and the sadness of looking back on fond memories of better times. OP needs to cut ties with HER toxic "friend". Because she is not a real friend. I know it's hard. But the weight lifted off her shoulders will be far greater than the weight of her sadness. I know. I've lived it.
Alot of people have already said this person is not your friend, so, I won't say it. What she is is controlling and manipulative. She has treated this way for so long you don't even see it anymore. She does these things to make herself feel better because she is insecure. Back out of the wedding and take a break from your "Friend". And she needs to find someone else to do her make up. After you do this, watch what happens next. I bet you it won't surprise you.
Her "friend" is really jealous and mean about your appearance and she constantly puts you down. F**k her and f**k her wedding.
If I had a friend and I knew she was uncomfortable without make-up, the LAST thing I would do is ask her to go without it. What an awful, self-centered person to not only tell you not to wear make-up, but then willingly accepting that you'll do hers for free. I also don't understand "the only pretty one on my wedding day". I'd think of my wedding day as a big party, celebrating my union, and everyone looks as good, different, tattooed, rainbow hair, etc. as they want.
There is no friendship to end. She is not your friend. No friend would EVER tell someone you look bad without make up.
She knows your unconfident about your scar she knows your not comfortable without makeup she knows how SHES made you feel about makeup because of the nasty comments SHE has made as your best friend she shouldn't even consider putting you through such trauma why oh why would you want to hurt someone you supposedly love so much emotionally, Hun she is no friend let alone a best friend jealousy is a horrific trait and one she obviously has I would never ever want to hurt someone I love so much she could ask you to tone it down I guess but I wouldn't even be comfortable doing that knowing how you would feel it maybe her wedding but that doesn't give her narcasistic self the right to put you through such a traumatic emotionally mentally degrading experience for her selfishness, Hun cut her out because there is someone out there who would love to be your best friend and put you on the pedostall you deserve and lift you up both internally and to everyone you may meet
Oh OP… best friend? Honey no. That is the worst friend. Please know your worth and do yourself a favor and end the “friendship “. You were the only friend involved anyway. Don’t go to the wedding.
It's the fact that everyone else but op is allowed to wear makeup that's getting to me. A blanket rule affecting all of the bridal party would be fair enough but for her to specifically exclude op is really rubbing me up the wrong way
That friend is so insecure and immature. The fact that she is so jealous of her friend that she is making such a ridiculous request of her is alarming in itself. The bride to be can't be trusted and she is definitely intentionally setting her friend up to look like raggedy-Anne just to make herself feel better. With friends like that, you don't need any enemies!!
You are in an abusive relationship. *insult- compliment- potshots - just joking.* Classic verbal and emotional abuse. Sweetie please run for the hills.
Was this article like a year ago? Anyway... I would have cursed her a*s out and I wouldn't had showed up to her wedding along with doing her damn makeup... I guess both of us would have been a*s out of make up ... only difference my a*s would have been in my bed while she is saying I do lol... that would have been hilarious... maybe I'm different but ain't no one gonna talk and down grade me even with a scar on my face... ijs. I wish my friends or BFF would did or said some that sh*t to me...her life would have been fu*ked up. Or I would have showed up with make up on... cause that would have probably be the last day we would ever be friends anyway. Ya home girl jealous of you period and you don't need that energy in ya life!!!
Pull out of this charade with this abusive b***h! Ghost her a*s! She is no friend, let alone a best friend!!!
As to the wedding, if she really is your best friend and you are as good a friend as you sound in the post then I think you will ultimately be upset with yourself for not being there to support her, if there's a way to blend out just your scar while keeping the rest natural then I think that's a fair compromise. I think this is also a decision that could be made without your friend's knowledge, you'd be obeying the spirit of her wishes without compromising your own confidence too much. If she says anything about it I would just say that you thought it was fair and that you didn't want to overburden her with your needs on her big day. That's both honest and shows that your thinking about her needs.
What I'd advise is that she sit her down (after the wedding of course, regardless of whether this behavior is preexisting she's got enough on her plate right now) and talk about how she sympathizes with her insecurities, but that making other people feel worse is not a healthy way for them to feel better. Explain that if they need reassurance of their worth they should look to their friends and husband and not to the mean comments of strangers. If she's receptive to it then great, that's a good friend! If not then it sounds like she's not really concerned with anyone's feelings but her own, and that's not really a friend. Regardless of how much you care for them if they don't care about you that's ultimately a destructive relationship that needs to end, but I've found this is rarely the case, sometimes people who value you just get a little too wrapped up in themselves to see that they're hurting those that support them and part of being a friend is being willing to work through that.
This is absurd. I never asked any of my bride's maids anything but their opinion on color / dress. Out side of that I told them do you boo. Hair, makeup, nails whatever. My only request was no one wear white. My brother and his wife showed up in Onsie Pajamas and my sister in law was in a jaw dropping cocktail dress. (Christmas wedding) I loved every second of it. You need new friends love.
You need to drop out of the wedding party completely. This Bride is not a friend of yours. She is inconsiderate, stingy and most of all not your friend. Thank her and say no thanks.
Damn, it keeps suprising me how petty and shallow some people can be
If she was really your friend, she wouldn't treat you like c**p! Dump her!!!
Bride is a narcissist. Not a friend. Anyone who has treated you the way she has needs to be abandoned. She is abusive and enjoys using the power you have given her to control you. What are you getting out of this friendship? There must be something. Or has she has beaten you down so far that you actually believe on some level that you deserve her abuse? The abuse is not your fault. It is motivated by her needs, and sense of entitlement . She does not care about you or your feelings, you are just an object to her. I bet she gaslights too. Save your self, she is damaging you. And please do not enter into any other relationships until you recognize narcissistic abuse and understand how very destructive such a relationship (friendship OR love) is for the victim. Because that is what you are...her victim, not her friend.
She is not your friend! She is a passive aggressive mean girl. She takes advantage of you when she needs you and then to the curb you go.
Wear your best face, take her thunder. You deserve the attention your Friend is jealous and insecure, she has no right to put you down the way she does.
Aww, bless you. Literally just walk away out of her life... You deserve genuine people in your life.
She is ABSOLUTELY NOT YOUR FRIEND. Sounds like a insecure, immature and jealous person. I would back out and let someone else do her makeup. She will probably disinvite you to the Wedding. Everyone can wear makeup...but you? Adios Chica!!
This reads like a bad hallmark movie. Why be friends with someone who is that insecure? Actually, who is she marrying? If the fiancé knows she’s that insecure he might want her to get therapy before being stuck with someone that … horrible.
Sounds like how my old "best friend" used to say that I would reel people in with my looks but her personality is what made them stay (when we were out clubbing, etc) and would do backhanded s**t like this all time. Drop the narcissist, feel better about yourself. Additionally, this "friend" of mine also dropped me when I was in rehab and working on my mental health and had done literally nothing to her except always show up for her. She helped me get there and then said "cutting ties is better you're an awful person" (essentially) and went behind my back to try and tell my parents (we are adults) lies she made up about how awful I was. She had a pattern of ditching people the minute they tried to improve their own lives. And by pattern I mean about 6 friends of ours before me and her girlfriends
Dump the bride. She is a very insecure being whose only goal in life is to drag other people, you, through the mud to make her miserable self feel better. She is a toxic self centered narcissistic. Walk away, go no contact and live your best life. You deserve it. Never let anyone put you down. Do Not waste your energy. They are not worth it. You are.
NTA You are beautiful! Beauty comes from the heart. Surround yourself with people who love you for who you are. When you do, none of them will notice the scar. They will encourage you to be you whether you wear makeup or not. Remove toxic so called friend. You need to realize you owe her nothing. Sever it and move forward. You will find when toxin is removed you become healthier. Does it hurt? Yes, but not for long. Keep going forward and dream big! You have a lot of people rooting you on!
She never was your friend. A true friend doesn't put you down all the time. She sounds toxic. No your not wrong. I wouldn't have gone either. I know how it feels to not like things about yourself so if your not ready to show everyone your scar then that's quite alright. She should be greatful that you helped at all. So No you ANTA
If this is her *best* friend, what the hell do her other friends do to her? No wonder she has no confidence
This is so heartbreaking for me to read. This is me and my BFF (or so I thought) from years ago. Raised together, called each other sisters, etc. Until we graduated high school and she went to cosmetology school. She and her new "BFF" were talking about going out Friday night, new friend from school is seriously fugly BTW. They claimed that me and another girl couldn't be invited "They're too pretty" they said. Didn't know I was there to hear. Was I MOH? No. I was too pretty. Dump this person NOW, she's not worth your time.
I've never heard of a "best friend" who makes catty remarks like, "You should see her without make-up" to one's potential date. Ouch! I think you are rather too simple and forgiving to have been her pal for so long in spite of this. Even now, you are actually wondering if you are being the cruel one for being hurt by her demands! By the way, I also feel you lack self confidence in your looks. Make up should enhance, not completely transform one's looks. I am sure that scar is really minor and you can gradually tone down your makeup till you get to a more natural look. We don't need to be apologetic for any marks or "blemishes"! I am sure you are lovely as you are. That toxic "friend" of yours needs to see it too. Good luck to life without her jealousy.
She doesn't want to end the friendship Stockholm syndrome oh my!!!! That's abuse babes!
Your "friend" is not your friend. She is evidently many other things, but a true friend, as she said, would want you to look and feel your best, and would never throw you under the bus in the way she continues to do so as evidenced by your story. Please stand up for yourself, and follow the advise of commenters here: either wear the natural looking makeup, or excuse yourself from the ceremony and all other obligations to her. She is unreasonable, at best.
Wear your make up and go to the wedding, if she asks you to leave then it's on her.
I’ve been in a friendship that’s exactly like this (sans the “no makeup at my wedding” request, I just wasn’t invited but…) you’re friend is a narcissist, maybe borderline but it sounds like everything’s got to be about her & how fantastic she is, plus she’s a little jealous of you which is probably why you’re besties (think “keep your enemies closer…”) but you don’t have to completely end your friendship it’s just really bad timing on her part. When my friend asked me to work for her I made it very clear that (since it was her & her husband’s place + I knew it would eventually become an issue but, as long as she respected me, I’d always be her friend but no matter… I’ve GOT to work. 4yrs later I’m still working, they’re divorced & yes we’re still friends. Key word there is RESPECT. This person has 0 for you but it’s not too late to save the friendship if she’s willing to bend if not, I’d tell her to start looking for a makeup person & enjoy since you’ll be relaxing on an island!
What you permit persists. Make your decision about you and not her. Wear your makeup as her guest if you wish or wear your make up at home. No more explaining yourself.
At the moment she asked you to come without makeup you should have said goodbye and turn around.
That is really terrible that she treats you that way, obviously she is very insecure and she didn't want you wearing makeup because, she has the problem, I'm sure you are beautiful with or without makeup, but her, she doesn't deserve your friendship, that would be the last draw for her, really, how hurtful she is!
Of course she is not your friend, and you need your head examined if you are serious about not ending the relationship. I mean, what on earth do you need her in your life for? Is she paying your bills? The " friendship" will end when she tires of tormenting you, ( probably after she has done all she can to ruin your life) or you could just choose to end it now and walk away from that witch with dignity and strength, on your own terms. If you really want to mess her up, go for the wedding with makeup on and after that never speak to her again 🙂. Also, please don't feel obligated to get her a wedding gift. She is not and has never been your friend. Don't be desperate, cut her off. In any relationship the person who breaks up first, wins. Let that be you. There will be other friends, real ones.
Please reconsider this "friendship". She is NOT a friend. You deserve to be treated with respect and compassion. Drop out of the wedding, drop her like a hot potato and do you.
She's a POS. There's no positive reason or benefit to being "friends" with her or having any sort of relationship. Idk why you do. Friends lift each other up not s**t on each other constantly and apologize without doing anything to fix it.
If thays the kind of friend you have ,dump her and ill be your friend. Hell ill be your BEST FRIEND and ill say not one word about your looks or lack of. Shes tacky and spiteful and she's only your friend because she wants what she can get from the relationship. I've had "friends like that and they aren't worth the bull they bring to my life. My friends know we can depend on each other and say the honest truth to each other and we says its with love that I tell you this... find a better bestie.
It just came to me...agree to her terms, show up at the wedding WITH makeup, when she throws a tantrum, leave WITHOUT doing her makeup.
My grandmother used to say, "Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly is to the bone." No matter how you doll her up, your friend's actions have proven her ugly indeed.
I'm thinking malicious compliance, myself, but I have a mean streak. If you don't decide to call the whole thing off, point out all the attention you'll get as "Sacarface", which is probably how she'd see you, and no civilized person would.
So, Sinkvenice already posted my thoughts. You've made it clear that you don't want to end this 'friendship'. This woman is not your friend, she is toxic and you are enabling her continued abuse. That you have allowed this for some time indicates you two are codependent, locked into a repeating cycle of her abuse and your apparent need to be abused. Sorry, neither of you are healthy. If you don't value yourself, at least do the decent thing and warn her fiance.
You don't have to stop being her BFF because clearly in her eyes you are competition,not a friend.If it's one sided that's not a friendship.If it were me I wouldn't say a word in response to her message.I would block her number,on social media and once her big day gets there just don't show up to do her makeup not to the wedding.Find something to do on that day so you won't be home when she inevitably sends someone over to see why you aren't there to do her makeup or or do your MOH duties.You have given enough time and energy on someone that treats you horribly. Cut your losses with bridezilla and find someone worthy of your friendship.
She isn't your friend. Get out of this toxic relationship now. Do not go to her wedding. She is petty and ridiculous.
OP needs new friends. Whilst I don't understand nor condone women wearing tons of make-up as they usually look incredibly different without it, this lady (OP) has justified reason. If makeup makes her feel good about herself and suppress her insecurities, then it's no one business, not even the bride to be.
Holy cow. This girl is NOT the OP's friend. I can guarantee that the OP's insecurities are the only reason they are even "friends" at all. The bride keeps the OP around to have a punching bag. Continuously pointing out what she knows are the OP's insecurities are just plain old b***h moves. Apologies don't mean Jack if the behavior continues. Someone who is TRULY sorry would have stopped the behavior after the first or second time the OP expressed how this hurt her. The bride is ugly on the inside and mean spirited. These things make you ugly on the outside. Tell her your wedding AND PARTING gifts are the work you've done to help with her wedding and then walk away. WALK. AWAY. Well...RUN. RUN FAR FAR AWAY.
Most f**ked up part about the entire article is that these people still have the balls to consider each other friends. That's not friendship. I feel like that shouldn't need to be explained.
That’s some psycho s**t. I think you should just not go and dont do her make up either. That’s some jealous petty ridiculous behavior that honestly she should be embarrassed about even asking or saying out loud. I had a friend that uninvited me from her birthday party because I made a joke she didn’t like. I said fine. Day of party I get a message from her your really not coming? Nope, really not. You need to cut behavior like that right off because the fact that she thinks its ok for her to do that is cause you let her.
Listen to what everybody is saying. You have the right to set boundaries. You have the right to be respected and treated with kindness. This behavior of hers is not directed at just you. She does this to other friends and her own family. This is emotional blackmail: " if you love me then you should do this for me," whatever "this" is. Apparently, no one has ever said no to her. Say it with me, "I'm allowed to set boundaries, I deserve to be respected, I deserve to be treated with kindness." The bridezilla isn't doing any of those things for you. Get out now, BEFORE the wedding. If you go, you will be miserable.
You say you don't want to end this friendship but like everyone else is saying, you should and you must she will not get any better she will continue being a mean nasty person but you need to look at why you feel like this about her. I believe you need some sort of help especially because you think you need to keep her friendship. Why isn't she telling everyone else not to wear makeup. Why just you? Seriously sweetie get yourself some help. Don't go to her wedding as a moh. Go as a guest of you want. I don't think you should but at least you could wear makeup. Good luck
Not only is she not your friend, I doubt she is anybody's friend.
Um, if she points out your looks like that she is NOT your friend let alone "best" friend. GTFO NOW.
Woman fight for equality yet woman don't accept each other, this person is not your friend, surround yourself with those who accept, encourage and empower you
Girl -- she has spent this entire "friendship" trying to keep you down. On the other side - with true firends - without her - imagine how you could flourish! I know it's hard to see now, but she is holding you back because of her own pain and insecurities.
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I would have told her to fein COVID just to get out of going and like everyone else is saying re-evaluate your friendship after.
Why should she fake anything? Lying, whether white or harmless fibs, are STILL LIES and will make her look as bad as the bride. As a general rule doing the right thing, although usually the most painful, is ALWAYS the RIGHT thing to do.
Load More Replies...I think no one has pointed out the obvious... This MOH is turning to social media to "get help" with her dilemma but obviously she isn't a good friend either. When you're friends with someone for several years any issues you have need to be dealt with privately. To me her post seems more like attention seeking behavior. Yes her friend seems to have some self-esteem issues and is maybe being a bit bridezilla. Either work this out between the two of you right now or stop being friends right now.
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how many times do girls have to say this. so what if a girl likes makeup or push up bras. she wears them because it makes her feel beautiful. it's not about how you feel. a girl doesn't have to wear exactly what you want, because she is in charge of her own body and your comments really don't matter. also tbh this explains why you don't have a girlfriend. make sure you tell a girl that you only like "natural girls" so she knows to avoid you
Load More Replies...She already proposed that to the bride and the bride still said no. No makeup and that only applies to OP
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