“I Don’t Want To Marry That Person”: Woman Breaks Up With Fiancé After He Reveals His True Colors
Interview With Author
The decision to break off an engagement can be tough, no matter how much time and respect you give to each other. But if something doesn’t feel quite right, it’s better to act on it now than to regret it later.
That’s how this redditor who wished to stay anonymous, felt four months before her wedding. It wasn’t the fault of pre-wedding nerves, but rather the questionable behavior of her fiancé. Tired of making him a husband that she wanted to have, she decided she didn’t want to marry that person anymore.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with the original author, who kindly agreed to share more details about the situation.
Partners often possess flaws that tend to irritate their significant other
Image credits: Timur Weber (not the actual photo)
This fiancée couldn’t get past them and decided to call off the engagement
Image credits: Liza Summer (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
Image source: SaintMinerva007
The fiancée couldn’t believe the things she was thinking
Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)
When it comes to growing a relationship, sometimes it’s beneficial to accept your partner’s strengths and weaknesses, even though they might irritate you. However, as in this redditor‘s case, if you can’t get past certain flaws and feel that something is not quite right, then it might be time to part ways.
Bored Panda reached out to the original author of the story, who kindly agreed to share more details on the matter. Naturally, we were curious to know what inspired her to take this online in the first place.
“What pushed me to share my story isn’t really inspirational. I really couldn’t believe my own mind and the things that I thought of. I wanted to hear other opinions to understand if I’m doing the right thing or not.”
She also told us that there was an update to this story. She received a cancellation from their wedding photographer, which made her believe that everything was completely over. After the story was posted on Reddit, the couple talked several times, and the fiancé called some of her relatives but wasn’t able to apologize.
After all this, the original poster wishes she would have had more power to leave the relationship earlier. “But looking at it, maybe it was meant to be this way for a reason. He is a doctor, and he was the one who found out my mom has cancer. If I hadn’t stuck around with him this long, I wouldn’t be able to know it. We got diagnosed last summer.”
Having gone through such a relationship, something that she would do differently is make sure that their future partner knows how to dress, practices good personal hygiene, and is orderly and financially stable. “I recently went on a date, just to brush off everything and meet someone new. The amount of kindness I received was unbelievable. Maybe my expectation bar is on hell because of my last relationship, but I am aiming to raise it.”
She signed off by giving some advice to others so they wouldn’t end up in a similar situation. “To all the girls out there trying to find someone and lowering their standards: don’t think having a partner in life is mandatory. We are better without low-quality men.”
Red flags that might mean it’s time to call off an engagement
A licensed psychologist, Jaclyn Witmer Lopez, distinguished several signs that might mean it’s time to call off an engagement, and if any of them sound familiar, experts say you may want to reevaluate your relationship before getting married.
She believes that each person brings their own unique values, belief systems, and expectations into a relationship in hopes that by the time they’re engaged, they will be aligned and mutually shared.
But the couple may come across some differences that they simply can’t move past, even if they’ve discussed their values and plans for the future thoroughly. This could be issues like infidelity, problematic family dynamics, and secrets, which can be contributing reasons for calling off an engagement.
It may happen that relationship dynamics change, no matter how long the couple has been dating. Therefore, she advises being aware of any dealbreakers, like being taken for granted. If one partner feels like they constantly communicate their needs, but they haven’t been acknowledged and nothing has changed, they may need to reconsider their future with the person.
A couples consultant, Lesli Doares, says, “If you ever find yourself thinking, ‘It will be better once we’re married,’ call it off.” Perhaps the person doesn’t feel respected, heard, or included in the partner’s life. Or there are too many arguments and failures to agree on one major topic. Waiting to be officially committed in hopes of fixing things rarely works. The issues usually stay the same, and the only change is that they are legally bound.
Calling off an engagement can be done with respect
Image credits: Diva Plavalaguna (not the actual photo)
For those who are sure about breaking off their engagement, experts advise doing it with respect. This may come as a surprise to the significant other, so try to do it gently in person, avoiding any negative language. It might be best to focus on feelings and why you were so different without mentioning flaws or putting blame on someone.
Allow each other to have some space to mull over everything that’s happened. Once the fact has settled down, figure out a way to break the news to family and friends. They may feel like they deserve an explanation, but if it’s something you’re not comfortable sharing, it doesn’t have to be detailed. Remember that your and your ex’s feelings should be respected and dealt with with sensitivity.
The majority deemed her right and even called her lucky to escape
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I've never understood the idea that a woman, and it's almost always a woman, takes a man and tries to mould him into what they want rather than finding a man that they want for what he is. This is destined for failure. Well done OP for seeing that
Society has long pushed the idea of men "settling down" after marriage, implying that something about being with a woman does change them fundamentally. But that's just not how it works. Unless someone decides to make a change on their own and puts in the work, they're not going to change.
Load More Replies...
NTA. Smart woman, she walked away while she had the ability to do so. She would have been constantly tripping over his mother's apron strings otherwise. Not to mention the two being unable to become as one flesh with an umbilical cord still attached to Mommy.
I've never understood the idea that a woman, and it's almost always a woman, takes a man and tries to mould him into what they want rather than finding a man that they want for what he is. This is destined for failure. Well done OP for seeing that
Society has long pushed the idea of men "settling down" after marriage, implying that something about being with a woman does change them fundamentally. But that's just not how it works. Unless someone decides to make a change on their own and puts in the work, they're not going to change.
Load More Replies... NTA. Smart woman, she walked away while she had the ability to do so. She would have been constantly tripping over his mother's apron strings otherwise. Not to mention the two being unable to become as one flesh with an umbilical cord still attached to Mommy.
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