“Good Luck Finding Your Traditional Wife”: Woman Refuses To Change For Her Boyfriend
Raising a family takes a combination of time and money, so some couples opt to split the difference and focus on one thing each. One person works, the other is a stay-at-home-parent. But recently, there has been an increase in couples where this concept is taken to the extreme.
A woman was shocked to learn that her boyfriend had suddenly decided that what he wanted more than anything was for her to be a “tradwife,” meaning she would forgo her career to just stay at home and raise their hypothetical family. We reached out to the woman in the story and will update the article when she gets back to us.
Raising kids takes a lot of energy, but not everyone wants to give up their career
Image credits: Keira Burton / pexels (not the actual photo)
But one woman discovered that her BF wanted her to do just that, as he had become obsessed with “tradwives”
Image credits: Elina Fairytale / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Academic-Comfort5499
Some folks are obsessed with the idea of a “simpler time” without really evaluating what that might mean
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / pexels (not the actual photo)
While the idea of a stay-at-home-parent has been around forever, there is a growing trend online where younger women decided to forgo any career and, instead, become a sort of mishmash of misimagined 1950s homemaker cliches. What sets “tradwives” (and it really is only wives, there isn’t some male alternative) apart, is that they seem to take the worst parts of women’s exclusion from the labor market, without any of the prerequisite skills.
For example, it’s not that uncommon for one parent, often the mother, to take time off work to raise the children for a while. But tradwives take this even further, purposefully self-sabotaging their careers and “submitting” to their husbands. The assumption is that their relationship will simply last forever and not end when the husband, who now has 100% of the power, decides that he wants to be with someone else.
Even if the husband is completely loyal and unshakable, there is a reason “don’t put all your eggs in one basket” remains an age-old saying. A good tradwife should be aware of that, seeing as they are trying to replicate a lifestyle from a time when egg-transportation was a major concern. As far as bad decisions are concerned, this one is really, really up there, as everyone from a poultry farmer to a financial adviser can attest to.
For example, what exactly happens if the husband, who makes the vast majority of the household’s resources, gets injured? Or gets fired? Perhaps he doesn’t like his job or has a toxic boss. Like someone on a work visa, there are now a lot more strings attached to his job, so leaving or changing it is problematic.
Being a tradwife comes with a whole slew of risks with few upsides
Image credits: Oleksandr P / pexels (not the actual photo)
This is assuming there aren’t other, larger issues in the relationship. Domestic abuse, for example, or perhaps the realization that you just married the wrong person. As a tradwife, you are effectively stuck, you have no resources and you have spent years or even decades outside of the job market. It’s a lot harder to find a job when you haven’t held one in awhile.
What also makes this “movement” insidious is that it is by-and-large a social media construct. While there are now all sorts of tradwife content creators online, it’s important to realize that these are still influencers, who maintain a brand and actively make money through their posts and videos.
The idea of a tradwife they present is an anachronistic and simplified image of a housewife from the 50s. However, with a few rare exceptions, most of these online tradwives seem to think that it boils down to never arguing with your husband, babysitting your kids and baking a handful of cupcakes.
They sell this lifestyle and aesthetic to impressionable young girls, while actually maintaining a degree of independence. Even worse, at some point, they will simply decide to move on to the next trend, while their most impressionable viewers will have locked themselves into a lifestyle that is by no means easy to escape. Ultimately, if this is what both parties want, then more power to them, but as this story shows, you can’t exactly make your partner, much less girlfriend or boyfriend do something against their will.
The woman shared some more thoughts in the comments section
Most readers thought her actions were warranted
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I feel it is my duty to point out that a 360 is just going back to your original position. Doing a 180 is the proper reference for "doing the total opposite".
What is going on with these men? Trying every trick in the book to have life just how they want it by objectifying women to be their personal slaves in and out of the bedroom, it is bizarre and gross, for anyone who needs to hear it....we are not born to be your possession, we are born to live as we choose, just as you are. YOU DO NOT GET TO OWN ANOTHER PERSON, it's not something ANYBODY is entitled to EVER.
So many of these podcasters and YouTubers push this s**t and these guys truly believe woman are there to be commanded by men. Unfortunately a lot of these guys have mums also encourage their behaviour, the "boy nums".
Load More Replies...
"Tradwife" is rightwing propaganda, all about forced birth, legalized abuse (Intimate Partner Violence, rape, etc.) and obsessive control.
I am a proud Conservative, and I've never heard of "forced birth", etc. I have no idea where your delusional ideas come from. BTW, I'm also of retirement age, so I've been around for a while. If you're talking about cults, please be specific, as they are not right wing.
Load More Replies... There's nothing wrong with breaking up when you don't feel respected, or when you want different things. It does sound like this guy was biding his time until she felt too invested to get out to start some coercive control. Well done OP for seeing the signs and taking care of herself.
Some of these ridiculous podcasts are messing up a whole generation of easily-influenced men. Ladies... always have your own source of income!
Luckily more girls and young women are going the opposite of these guys and learning to be their own person.
Load More Replies... So glad OP had the self respect to get out when she did. Having a stay at home parent is one thing, a great choice for some who can do it, but obviously a team decision. This guy was only going to get worse as a partner and would be abusive as a father. It always sucks to break up but less so than staying in what would surely become an abusive relationship.
Good thing you dumped him before he started poking holes in condoms and replacing your birth control.
If *both* people want it... But aside from that. Do these people ever do the math? Do they have an idea how much everything costs? And if they want an "insta worthy" wife, which of course they do, because they deserve it (/sarcasm), do they have any idea what the maintenance fees look like? I feel like these guys are just as delusional as the wannabe stay-at-home girlfriends we sometimes hear about.
Regardless of the stupidity of this guy's backwards values, how could he believe for one second that his GF would change HER lifeplan just because he changed his mind? Whatever the topic, your SO has opinions too. If you can't even realize you're living with another human being, maybe you're too stupid to be in a relationship.
Maybe he wanted her to break up with him because he was too scared to do it himself? I cant imagine how he saw a conversation with ultimatums about her body, her career, their life, and their family going well.
Load More Replies...
No one should change for anyone but themselves. Anyone who expects otherwise is not relationship material.
Traditional wife = equal partner who takes a somewhat stereotypical role to do one part of the work that has to be done, but has the security of a traditional marriage including the financial safety that comes with a regular marriage and is included in the shared decisions. Tradwife = houseslave under total control of a man who generally refuses to value her work as equal, wants to make all the decisions and either doesn't want to marry or demands a wedding contract that excludes her from his assets, wants children but no fatherly responsibilities and is unwilling to pull any weight in the marriage except working for money which he uses to control every aspect of family life he doesn't share. She's supposed to be grateful for morsels and find fulfillment in housework and childrearing, no personality allowed.
(Please read all of this post before you break your keyboard mashing the down button.) I would like to address the people who say a man who prefers his wife stay at home with the children only wants to control her. I don't doubt that that's the case for some people, but it most definitely is not always the case. There's nothing wrong with one spouse staying home and taking care of the children and household while the other one goes out and makes a living to financially support all of them, but only if BOTH of them agree. I am NOT saying that the woman in this article was wrong, and her boyfriend WAS wrong to present his preferences the way he did and expect her to just go along with it.
There is a huge difference between being a stay at home parent and the concept of a 'trad wife'. A 'trad wife is basically submissive to her husband. I have seen a lot of videos from women in their 40s and 50s that actually trad wives and were in most cases left for a 'younger model' and had to completely start over with no marketable skills and living in poverty.
Load More Replies...
Anyone who listens to Joe Rogan is a giant red flag to stay away from.
I agree that OP is a rock star! Not too harsh at all! Did bf tell her how he planned to fund her retirement account while she quit her job to be his tradwife? Was he willing to sign a prenup that stipulated a certain amount of spousal support to be paid by him to her if they broke up?? Because once you leave the work force it's harder to get back in the longer you are out. OP did the best thing she could, she immediately left bf and refused to even entertain bf's plans made without her consent or input. She protected her autonomy and control over her own life. People who want you to cede control to them and let them make all the decisions are a huge huge red flag for a toxic abusive relationship. Good on you, OP!!
Extreme feminism has made both women and men unhappy. Having one parent stay at home makes sense if you can afford it. Many men and women want a return to traditional gender roles. I hope he finds a good mother for his children. Joe Rogan speaks common sense ladies. Give him a listen before you bash.
Yeah, why wait to have kids till you're 30 and more mature and have a sounder financial basis and know each other that much better and ...?
Shame on him for stealing three years of your life, but glad you got away in time. As an aside to one of those commenting in the post, there is nothing right wing about women staying home. Most Conservative women I know are professionals.
So is the difference between a stay at home parent and a trad wife just consent vs dictated choices?
I think it's more than that. Stay at home parents can be equal partners, have just as much say in how their lives are run, 'Tradwife' is not just about the woman taking on the traditional gender role of being a housewife and mother, it's also about being submissive to the husband - as such it leaves them open to bigger repercussions from the risks that affect stay at home parents.
Load More Replies...
I think she's 100% correct in her decision and her reasoning. I do think she was a bit of an a*****e in how she did it. Should didn't have to (basically) tell him to F himself and close the door. She was hurt though, so I get it.
The way he presented his long-term goals for HER was no different. OP took the smart route by shutting it down mid-ejaculation((🤣) and walking away. Sometimes, that's the only language some people understand.
Load More Replies... I feel it is my duty to point out that a 360 is just going back to your original position. Doing a 180 is the proper reference for "doing the total opposite".
What is going on with these men? Trying every trick in the book to have life just how they want it by objectifying women to be their personal slaves in and out of the bedroom, it is bizarre and gross, for anyone who needs to hear it....we are not born to be your possession, we are born to live as we choose, just as you are. YOU DO NOT GET TO OWN ANOTHER PERSON, it's not something ANYBODY is entitled to EVER.
So many of these podcasters and YouTubers push this s**t and these guys truly believe woman are there to be commanded by men. Unfortunately a lot of these guys have mums also encourage their behaviour, the "boy nums".
Load More Replies... "Tradwife" is rightwing propaganda, all about forced birth, legalized abuse (Intimate Partner Violence, rape, etc.) and obsessive control.
I am a proud Conservative, and I've never heard of "forced birth", etc. I have no idea where your delusional ideas come from. BTW, I'm also of retirement age, so I've been around for a while. If you're talking about cults, please be specific, as they are not right wing.
Load More Replies... There's nothing wrong with breaking up when you don't feel respected, or when you want different things. It does sound like this guy was biding his time until she felt too invested to get out to start some coercive control. Well done OP for seeing the signs and taking care of herself.
Some of these ridiculous podcasts are messing up a whole generation of easily-influenced men. Ladies... always have your own source of income!
Luckily more girls and young women are going the opposite of these guys and learning to be their own person.
Load More Replies... So glad OP had the self respect to get out when she did. Having a stay at home parent is one thing, a great choice for some who can do it, but obviously a team decision. This guy was only going to get worse as a partner and would be abusive as a father. It always sucks to break up but less so than staying in what would surely become an abusive relationship.
Good thing you dumped him before he started poking holes in condoms and replacing your birth control.
If *both* people want it... But aside from that. Do these people ever do the math? Do they have an idea how much everything costs? And if they want an "insta worthy" wife, which of course they do, because they deserve it (/sarcasm), do they have any idea what the maintenance fees look like? I feel like these guys are just as delusional as the wannabe stay-at-home girlfriends we sometimes hear about.
Regardless of the stupidity of this guy's backwards values, how could he believe for one second that his GF would change HER lifeplan just because he changed his mind? Whatever the topic, your SO has opinions too. If you can't even realize you're living with another human being, maybe you're too stupid to be in a relationship.
Maybe he wanted her to break up with him because he was too scared to do it himself? I cant imagine how he saw a conversation with ultimatums about her body, her career, their life, and their family going well.
Load More Replies... No one should change for anyone but themselves. Anyone who expects otherwise is not relationship material.
Traditional wife = equal partner who takes a somewhat stereotypical role to do one part of the work that has to be done, but has the security of a traditional marriage including the financial safety that comes with a regular marriage and is included in the shared decisions. Tradwife = houseslave under total control of a man who generally refuses to value her work as equal, wants to make all the decisions and either doesn't want to marry or demands a wedding contract that excludes her from his assets, wants children but no fatherly responsibilities and is unwilling to pull any weight in the marriage except working for money which he uses to control every aspect of family life he doesn't share. She's supposed to be grateful for morsels and find fulfillment in housework and childrearing, no personality allowed.
(Please read all of this post before you break your keyboard mashing the down button.) I would like to address the people who say a man who prefers his wife stay at home with the children only wants to control her. I don't doubt that that's the case for some people, but it most definitely is not always the case. There's nothing wrong with one spouse staying home and taking care of the children and household while the other one goes out and makes a living to financially support all of them, but only if BOTH of them agree. I am NOT saying that the woman in this article was wrong, and her boyfriend WAS wrong to present his preferences the way he did and expect her to just go along with it.
There is a huge difference between being a stay at home parent and the concept of a 'trad wife'. A 'trad wife is basically submissive to her husband. I have seen a lot of videos from women in their 40s and 50s that actually trad wives and were in most cases left for a 'younger model' and had to completely start over with no marketable skills and living in poverty.
Load More Replies... Anyone who listens to Joe Rogan is a giant red flag to stay away from.
I agree that OP is a rock star! Not too harsh at all! Did bf tell her how he planned to fund her retirement account while she quit her job to be his tradwife? Was he willing to sign a prenup that stipulated a certain amount of spousal support to be paid by him to her if they broke up?? Because once you leave the work force it's harder to get back in the longer you are out. OP did the best thing she could, she immediately left bf and refused to even entertain bf's plans made without her consent or input. She protected her autonomy and control over her own life. People who want you to cede control to them and let them make all the decisions are a huge huge red flag for a toxic abusive relationship. Good on you, OP!!
Extreme feminism has made both women and men unhappy. Having one parent stay at home makes sense if you can afford it. Many men and women want a return to traditional gender roles. I hope he finds a good mother for his children. Joe Rogan speaks common sense ladies. Give him a listen before you bash.
Yeah, why wait to have kids till you're 30 and more mature and have a sounder financial basis and know each other that much better and ...?
Shame on him for stealing three years of your life, but glad you got away in time. As an aside to one of those commenting in the post, there is nothing right wing about women staying home. Most Conservative women I know are professionals.
So is the difference between a stay at home parent and a trad wife just consent vs dictated choices?
I think it's more than that. Stay at home parents can be equal partners, have just as much say in how their lives are run, 'Tradwife' is not just about the woman taking on the traditional gender role of being a housewife and mother, it's also about being submissive to the husband - as such it leaves them open to bigger repercussions from the risks that affect stay at home parents.
Load More Replies... I think she's 100% correct in her decision and her reasoning. I do think she was a bit of an a*****e in how she did it. Should didn't have to (basically) tell him to F himself and close the door. She was hurt though, so I get it.
The way he presented his long-term goals for HER was no different. OP took the smart route by shutting it down mid-ejaculation((🤣) and walking away. Sometimes, that's the only language some people understand.
Load More Replies...
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