“This Is Why You Live Together Before You Get Married”: Couple’s Drama Ensues Over Indian Food
No matter where you’re from or where you live, there are definitely some dishes that you associate with the feeling of home. Whether it’s a roast that your grandmother made every Christmas or the cake that your father baked for all of your childhood birthdays, food can be so deeply tied to memories. And even if you move to a new country, eating the cuisine of your homeland can be the best medicine in aiding homesickness.
So when one man told his girlfriend that he wanted their apartment to be an Indian food-free zone, it’s no surprise that she didn’t take that well. Below, you’ll find the full story that he posted on Reddit, as well as some of the replies heated readers shared.
After moving in together, this man realized that him and his girlfriend have different culinary preferences
Image credits: Taylor Kiser / unsplash (not the actual photo)
But instead of accepting their differences, he requested that she never cook Indian food at home
Image credits: tan4ikk / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Conscious Design / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Andrew Neel / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwaway_80081ES
Food is deeply tied to our cultures
Food is so much more than a necessity. Sure, we all have to eat it multiple times a day to sustain ourselves, but it can offer us plenty of benefits aside from simply staying alive. Sharing a meal with friends or loved ones can help us bond and strengthen relationships, and certain foods are used to celebrate special occasions and holidays. Green bean casserole and pumpkin pie probably wouldn’t be so special if I ate them every day, but because I only make them on holidays, they fill me with warm, delicious memories (as well as food)!
According to Wathi, “food is often used as a means of retaining their cultural identity.” Each culture has their own unique cuisine that has been passed down from generations, using the food that was available to them in their native land. When we continue to create those recipes today, we’re not only cooking, but acknowledging and appreciating the people who came before us who shaped this cuisine.
And asking someone to completely avoid their culture’s cuisine, especially in their own home, is asking them to eliminate a part of their identity. On the other hand, if this man had asked his girlfriend to introduce him to Indian cuisine and had asked the cultural significance of various dishes and ingredients, he could have understood his partner on a much deeper level.
Indian food is a vast and diverse cuisine
Image credits: Pushpak Dsilva / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Indian cuisine in particular is a vast and diverse landscape of food. Because the nation itself is so large and diverse, each region has their own culinary traditions. The Association for Asian Studies also notes that “food in India is an identity marker of caste, class, family, kinship, tribe affiliation, lineage, religiosity, ethnicity, and increasingly, of secular group identification.”
The typical Indian meal is described as having a main starch, which might be rice, sorghum or wheat, vegetable or meat curry, cured and dried vegetable dishes in sauces, and thick lentil soups. When it comes to condiments, the Association for Asian Studies says masalas, plain yogurt, and vegetable raitas are popular, as well as salted pickles, fresh herbal and cooked chutneys, papadums, and sometimes dessert.
Each component of the meal can also hold more significance than simply being delicious. For example, rice has been seen as a “powerful symbol of both hunger and want as well as fulfillment and fertility,” the AAS notes. In fact, until the late 1800’s, only the wealthy had access to rice, while lower classes ate millet and sorghum. Because rice has been seen as a symbol of fertility, it has been used as a part of the marriage rites in many castes.
Looking down on another culture’s cuisine is rooted in prejudice not preference
Although we’re all allowed to have our own preferences when it comes to food, it’s surprising that this man is so against Indian food, considering that it’s one of the most popular cuisines in the world. According to TimeOut, Indian food is the 5th most popular cuisine in the world at the moment.
And as many of the commenters on this post pointed out, this man’s belief that he doesn’t like Indian food at all might be rooted in a bit of racism. The BBC addressed this same topic when a tweet went viral a few years ago after a white professor claimed that “Indian food is terrible.” In response, first generation American Saira Rao said, “Having white people trash Indian food is extremely triggering as an Indian who has been told that I smell weird, that my food smells weird and that Indians [expletive] on the street which is why everything we are smells bad.”
Anita Mannur also detailed for NBC News that she faced racism as an Indian child growing up in Australia, often being called expletives combine with “curry.” Instead of labeling all foreign foods as weird, or in this case “not regular,” Mannur urges us to discuss food in a way that doesn’t exoticize it or reduce complex, hugely varied cuisines to reductive incorrect stereotypes.
“Terms like ‘curry’ are fraught because they carry the weight of colonial history, and that history informs what the average white person thinks when they hear the term ‘Indian food.’ Curry became a quick way for the British to describe so much of the food of India with little respect for regional difference or nuance,” Mannur explained. “So when people dismiss Indian food as ‘insane’ or ‘weird,’ it is not without historical precedent.”
Readers were quick to call the man out for how childish his behavior was
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And just like that the relationship ended. Won't let her cook her own food, will insist on cooking meat. Nah, run girl!
"pungent". Surströmming is pungent, Indian food smells delicious, you frayed toothbrush.
At first, NTA. Then you asked her not to cook Indian food even for HERSELF, and that was when you became 100% TA.
Exactly what I was thinking. At the beginning, I thought the story was going to be that she sorta lied about her food preferences when they were dating and then everything changed when they moved in together. But in the end it was crystal clear OP is TA for being way too controlling.
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My partner loves Thai curries and from what my friends say they are awesome, I’m not a good judge because I can’t abide them. Just not my bag for some reason. Do I stop her? No, ‘cause she’s my partner and she loves them, why would I be so petty? FFS life is often about compromise, this is one of those times.
Two years later, I hope they're not together. From a Reddit throwaway account called "throwaway_80081ES". What a man-child.
He has the palate of a toddler, already, with his mother-lover preparing his food for him. He doesn't know how lucky he is.
There are lots of people who don't like Indian food who are otherwise adventurous in their food tastes. I am one of those people.
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As a vegan body builder, I can say your justification is absolute BS.
I don't agree with this. Some people genuinely do need to eat meat to get the nutrition they need or they'll risk getting sick. It has to do with DNA and if you have some other medical issues. But from the sound of it OP has none of those problems, he just wants his bacon in the morning and never learned to compromise as a child.
Load More Replies... did he actually need to say that he is a white american? it was obbvious, specially when he compared her indian GF(as in born in India) with his american-indian friends (AKA 100% american people that are descendants of someone in india at some point)
Exactly! She was born and raised there! Of course she will love Indian food and most likely prefer it to anything else! The others grew up with both worlds and might even prefer American food. This can happen. It would be very odd for her to not love Indian food though. Ignorant idiot.
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She can move in with me and cook all the delicious vegetarian Indian food she wants!
I would fight you for her. I prefer my Indian food to be vegetarian, and it is the ultimate comfort food.
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So much wrong with this one. Her compromised seemed reasonable. Tit for tat. But his behavior is very telling. She really needs to rethink this relationship though. Him? He can go faceplant himself.
20-30 spices? I personally don't enjoy Indian food at all. I probably have 50-60 spices in my cabinet. And that's after a major cleanout.
I barely cook at all and I probably have like a dozen or so.
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So what are you going to be when (and if) you grow up? This relationship is a non starter
Yet another story that boils down to people not getting to know each other properly before moving in together.
Because of tiny penises like Andrew Tate and Elon Musk.
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I'm a Western with sensory issues I was born with. The only limit I'd have to put is on cooking seafood because it makes me nauseous (I can give a cat tuna cat food now and then if I block my nose first. Can't do it all the time, though. Once a week at most, for example on limits and work arounds I've found). Other stuff I can block my nose or I can find a way to be out of the house (yes, despite having a physical disability). It's about working with your partner, not against them. I cannot handle spice at all and have gotten a lot of flack from people of all cultures not accepting I have food limits when I politely refuse so honestly? This gf sounds like a dream. She's not forcing him. And there are compromises if smells make you sick. But he's straight into just asking her not to cook food she likes at all.
What! She bought 20, maybe even 30 different spices!? LIES! Only herbs exist, and pepper. All the rest is foreign nonsense. Clearly.
Guy must go. The food issue is just the top of the iceberg. When you get with somebody, you embrace ALL of this person: culture, language, custom, food... You can't get with somebody and hope they're going to drop one of them. In a mixed-culture relationship, a whole new world opens to you. If you're not the kind of person to enjoy opening your experiences and understanding of others, forget it. If he thinks the food is bad (his diet is gross, by the way), wait till the inlaws arrives for 2 months at a time, in their regular clothes and speaking hindu. The food is almost a minor issue. The guy is a passive racist. He thinks "normal" is his culture.
This guy is a total AH. He should cook his own meals and she can cook hers. If he told me to cook "regular food" instead of what I have always cooked I would have told him to go get f***Ed. I'm a Cajun so like his girlfriend our food has tons of spices(we like flavor). I am not sure what he considers "regular food" but I'm sure he can find it for sale near him so he can get food elsewhere. The fact that she is vegetarian and didn't complain about him being a meat eater says everything. She sounds very reasonable. He sounds like a jerk.
Definitely yta, but having the spices upset your stomach isn't "not liking it", it's being unable to eat it. However, fans exist for the smell and she said she would have cooked different food for you
He's definitely the @sshole. Home-cooked Indian food is delicious and your taste buds will adjust with time to the spices. Man the f*** up and be grateful that you have a partner who not only is willing to cook for you, but can happily cook everything apparently! Finally, people can get more than enough protein for the gym by eating legumes(beans, Chickpeas, etc). Apparently the Roman Gladiators were VEGETARIAN and ate legumes like no other so no excuses!
I know an Indian couple in which the *husband* does not like Indian food. I mean how does that happen?!!
I'm Hungarian. I don't like 98% of Hungarian food, including the famous gulyás (goulash or whatever you people are calling it). I absolutely *hate* the taste of smoked paprika and deep-fried, oily dishes which is how many of our meals are prepared. While India is huge with many different types of cuisines, maybe the husband doesn't like the type available to him or the Westernised version provided in restaurants.
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What made this really fun to me, was that his discription of "regular" food is not really regular in my country. Here it is considered fast food, to be eaten sparingly and only once in a while.
I really hope this guy is just a troll but you know us humans really suck 😭 otherwise freaking racist idiot
The fact that he's not willing to compromise on it at all is insane to me. He didn't start with asking her if she could do it with the windows open, or if he could be out for a walk when she cooked it or anything like that. Just started freaking out. It's not about him not liking the food, it's about him not being able to sit down and work something out with his partner. What else is he gonna start screaming about as soon as he doesn't like something?
Well that’s simple, he gets microwaved fish every day now (sardines and anchovies on weekends), no more ‘pungent smelly indian food’. :p
Biryani, aloo gobi, palak paneer, butter chicken etc are some of the Indian cuisine that I crave at times (and I'm Chinese, we use more herbs than spices in our meals so heat tolerance is mostly meh). OP sounds like an absolute cultural ding-dum that only knows steak and burgers (no offense, good as well but it isn't the only food in the world). Definitely absolute YTA and I hope the GF ends up with a guy that appreciates good Indian food. Sheeesh...
It's posts like this that flummox me. How can someone write this out and NOT see that they're TA? "My GF won't sacrifice her culture or her diet, neither of which affect me at all. On top of that, she expects me to give up something that actually matters to her, but I will not entertain it. She must give up what I want, and I will keep doing what I want. AITA?"
Man, I just do not understand being averse to Indian food. It's absolutely delicious. All regions.
Why wasn't it an issue when he stayed over at her place? Sure she didn't cook Indian on that day to please him but the residual scents of previous cookups had to have been around? No way you can cook with all those spices regularly and not have your kitchen area at the least carry some evidence. If not, then she is already very good at dispersing the scents when she is done. Either way YTA, that is literally every childhood and familial and cultural memory she has of who she is you are trying to cut out because it's your culture etc that is "regular" and she needs to be "normal". How can you be so dense to not see what a racist and bigot you are?
Oh dear - what a huge AH! Hope the GF finds a new BF who enjoys different cuisine and isn't going to insult her culture/heritage/social history.
What a prick. Send her over my way, she can cook Indian food for me. Like, seriously, you can't handle korma?
She sounds like such a kind and reasonable person, the dude however is a dingleberry.
What sort of f*****g idiot doesnt think that an indian lady from india might like indian food. What a f*****g tard....hes probably a US government official
I actually kinda understand where this guy is coming from, though I don't agree with the way he said it for sure. I can't stand Indian food and cannot even tolerate the smell of it. However, it's not a problem for me, as I live alone.
Which is fair. But banning someone from cooking their own food in their own home fir themselves outright is not. Unless its some kind of food allergy where even being in the same room can KILL you... you can't do that and still be seen as okay.
Load More Replies... And just like that the relationship ended. Won't let her cook her own food, will insist on cooking meat. Nah, run girl!
"pungent". Surströmming is pungent, Indian food smells delicious, you frayed toothbrush.
At first, NTA. Then you asked her not to cook Indian food even for HERSELF, and that was when you became 100% TA.
Exactly what I was thinking. At the beginning, I thought the story was going to be that she sorta lied about her food preferences when they were dating and then everything changed when they moved in together. But in the end it was crystal clear OP is TA for being way too controlling.
Load More Replies... My partner loves Thai curries and from what my friends say they are awesome, I’m not a good judge because I can’t abide them. Just not my bag for some reason. Do I stop her? No, ‘cause she’s my partner and she loves them, why would I be so petty? FFS life is often about compromise, this is one of those times.
Two years later, I hope they're not together. From a Reddit throwaway account called "throwaway_80081ES". What a man-child.
He has the palate of a toddler, already, with his mother-lover preparing his food for him. He doesn't know how lucky he is.
There are lots of people who don't like Indian food who are otherwise adventurous in their food tastes. I am one of those people.
Load More Replies... As a vegan body builder, I can say your justification is absolute BS.
I don't agree with this. Some people genuinely do need to eat meat to get the nutrition they need or they'll risk getting sick. It has to do with DNA and if you have some other medical issues. But from the sound of it OP has none of those problems, he just wants his bacon in the morning and never learned to compromise as a child.
Load More Replies... did he actually need to say that he is a white american? it was obbvious, specially when he compared her indian GF(as in born in India) with his american-indian friends (AKA 100% american people that are descendants of someone in india at some point)
Exactly! She was born and raised there! Of course she will love Indian food and most likely prefer it to anything else! The others grew up with both worlds and might even prefer American food. This can happen. It would be very odd for her to not love Indian food though. Ignorant idiot.
Load More Replies... She can move in with me and cook all the delicious vegetarian Indian food she wants!
I would fight you for her. I prefer my Indian food to be vegetarian, and it is the ultimate comfort food.
Load More Replies... So much wrong with this one. Her compromised seemed reasonable. Tit for tat. But his behavior is very telling. She really needs to rethink this relationship though. Him? He can go faceplant himself.
20-30 spices? I personally don't enjoy Indian food at all. I probably have 50-60 spices in my cabinet. And that's after a major cleanout.
I barely cook at all and I probably have like a dozen or so.
Load More Replies... So what are you going to be when (and if) you grow up? This relationship is a non starter
Yet another story that boils down to people not getting to know each other properly before moving in together.
Because of tiny penises like Andrew Tate and Elon Musk.
Load More Replies... I'm a Western with sensory issues I was born with. The only limit I'd have to put is on cooking seafood because it makes me nauseous (I can give a cat tuna cat food now and then if I block my nose first. Can't do it all the time, though. Once a week at most, for example on limits and work arounds I've found). Other stuff I can block my nose or I can find a way to be out of the house (yes, despite having a physical disability). It's about working with your partner, not against them. I cannot handle spice at all and have gotten a lot of flack from people of all cultures not accepting I have food limits when I politely refuse so honestly? This gf sounds like a dream. She's not forcing him. And there are compromises if smells make you sick. But he's straight into just asking her not to cook food she likes at all.
What! She bought 20, maybe even 30 different spices!? LIES! Only herbs exist, and pepper. All the rest is foreign nonsense. Clearly.
Guy must go. The food issue is just the top of the iceberg. When you get with somebody, you embrace ALL of this person: culture, language, custom, food... You can't get with somebody and hope they're going to drop one of them. In a mixed-culture relationship, a whole new world opens to you. If you're not the kind of person to enjoy opening your experiences and understanding of others, forget it. If he thinks the food is bad (his diet is gross, by the way), wait till the inlaws arrives for 2 months at a time, in their regular clothes and speaking hindu. The food is almost a minor issue. The guy is a passive racist. He thinks "normal" is his culture.
This guy is a total AH. He should cook his own meals and she can cook hers. If he told me to cook "regular food" instead of what I have always cooked I would have told him to go get f***Ed. I'm a Cajun so like his girlfriend our food has tons of spices(we like flavor). I am not sure what he considers "regular food" but I'm sure he can find it for sale near him so he can get food elsewhere. The fact that she is vegetarian and didn't complain about him being a meat eater says everything. She sounds very reasonable. He sounds like a jerk.
Definitely yta, but having the spices upset your stomach isn't "not liking it", it's being unable to eat it. However, fans exist for the smell and she said she would have cooked different food for you
He's definitely the @sshole. Home-cooked Indian food is delicious and your taste buds will adjust with time to the spices. Man the f*** up and be grateful that you have a partner who not only is willing to cook for you, but can happily cook everything apparently! Finally, people can get more than enough protein for the gym by eating legumes(beans, Chickpeas, etc). Apparently the Roman Gladiators were VEGETARIAN and ate legumes like no other so no excuses!
I know an Indian couple in which the *husband* does not like Indian food. I mean how does that happen?!!
I'm Hungarian. I don't like 98% of Hungarian food, including the famous gulyás (goulash or whatever you people are calling it). I absolutely *hate* the taste of smoked paprika and deep-fried, oily dishes which is how many of our meals are prepared. While India is huge with many different types of cuisines, maybe the husband doesn't like the type available to him or the Westernised version provided in restaurants.
Load More Replies... What made this really fun to me, was that his discription of "regular" food is not really regular in my country. Here it is considered fast food, to be eaten sparingly and only once in a while.
I really hope this guy is just a troll but you know us humans really suck 😭 otherwise freaking racist idiot
The fact that he's not willing to compromise on it at all is insane to me. He didn't start with asking her if she could do it with the windows open, or if he could be out for a walk when she cooked it or anything like that. Just started freaking out. It's not about him not liking the food, it's about him not being able to sit down and work something out with his partner. What else is he gonna start screaming about as soon as he doesn't like something?
Well that’s simple, he gets microwaved fish every day now (sardines and anchovies on weekends), no more ‘pungent smelly indian food’. :p
Biryani, aloo gobi, palak paneer, butter chicken etc are some of the Indian cuisine that I crave at times (and I'm Chinese, we use more herbs than spices in our meals so heat tolerance is mostly meh). OP sounds like an absolute cultural ding-dum that only knows steak and burgers (no offense, good as well but it isn't the only food in the world). Definitely absolute YTA and I hope the GF ends up with a guy that appreciates good Indian food. Sheeesh...
It's posts like this that flummox me. How can someone write this out and NOT see that they're TA? "My GF won't sacrifice her culture or her diet, neither of which affect me at all. On top of that, she expects me to give up something that actually matters to her, but I will not entertain it. She must give up what I want, and I will keep doing what I want. AITA?"
Man, I just do not understand being averse to Indian food. It's absolutely delicious. All regions.
Why wasn't it an issue when he stayed over at her place? Sure she didn't cook Indian on that day to please him but the residual scents of previous cookups had to have been around? No way you can cook with all those spices regularly and not have your kitchen area at the least carry some evidence. If not, then she is already very good at dispersing the scents when she is done. Either way YTA, that is literally every childhood and familial and cultural memory she has of who she is you are trying to cut out because it's your culture etc that is "regular" and she needs to be "normal". How can you be so dense to not see what a racist and bigot you are?
Oh dear - what a huge AH! Hope the GF finds a new BF who enjoys different cuisine and isn't going to insult her culture/heritage/social history.
What a prick. Send her over my way, she can cook Indian food for me. Like, seriously, you can't handle korma?
She sounds like such a kind and reasonable person, the dude however is a dingleberry.
What sort of f*****g idiot doesnt think that an indian lady from india might like indian food. What a f*****g tard....hes probably a US government official
I actually kinda understand where this guy is coming from, though I don't agree with the way he said it for sure. I can't stand Indian food and cannot even tolerate the smell of it. However, it's not a problem for me, as I live alone.
Which is fair. But banning someone from cooking their own food in their own home fir themselves outright is not. Unless its some kind of food allergy where even being in the same room can KILL you... you can't do that and still be seen as okay.
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