Parent Asks If They’re The Jerk For Sending Son Home From Boy’s Trip After He Brought His BF
Parents make many rules for their kids to follow, but that doesn’t mean they’ll actually listen. Rebellious teens are a dime a dozen, and it’s safe to say that they’ll find clever ways to work around their parents’ orders. But, if they get caught, then it’s punishment time.
You can decide whether this dad gave his son the right punishment after he caught the boy canoodling with his secret boyfriend on their family boys’ trip.
More info: Reddit
A dad had set a strict rule that no girlfriends were allowed on their family boys’ trip, but he didn’t account for boyfriends, so he was put in a fix after his son found the loophole in his rule
Image credits: SLAYTINA (not the actual photo)
Guy has 3 sons whom he takes on boys’ trips, he set the rule that no girlfriends could tag along, they could only bring friends, so each boy brought a friend along on their latest trip
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
Later the dad found his 16YO kissing and cuddling with his “friend,” the teen confessed it was his boyfriend and that they had been together for a year
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
The dad said that even though his rule was established for girlfriends, it technically meant no partners, so he told his wife to come and pick their son up in the middle of the trip
Image credits: u/ReferenceOk3419
His wife and 16YO did not side with him, but his other sons backed him up
The Original Poster (OP) shared that he has 3 sons who are 15, 16, and 18, respectively. He would occasionally hold a boys’ trip for them and had set the rule that no girlfriends were allowed to come along. He made the exception that they could bring their friends. This year, all his sons had brought a friend on the trip. But, 2 days into the getaway, he found his 16-year-old kissing and cuddling with his “friend.”
When he confronted the boy, he found out that the teen had been dating his boyfriend for a year. Although he had no problem with his son being gay, he mentioned that his rule about no girlfriends meant no partners in general. So he felt that his son disrespected his rule by hiding the information from him.
He got annoyed and called his wife to come and take the teen and his boyfriend home. Although it might seem harsh, studies have found that concrete parental rule setting is related to lower levels of risk-taking behavior among adolescents. This means that when parents make strong and specific rules, it can help children curb negative behavior, and often, that’s more helpful than parental support.
In this case, the father was setting a rule that applied to all his sons. As he mentioned in the post, he did not mind that his son was gay and still loved him just as much. This is important to note because, as the Washington Post puts it, “the disdain and discrimination that many gay or gender non-conforming youth receive from their parents has the potential to do far more damage than hostility they experience from others.”
There’s also a deeper truth to this that children who come out as gay and lack parental support are at greater risk for mental health problems. It’s also horrifying to note that kids who feel rejected by their family members are 8 times more likely to try and take their own life. That’s exactly why netizens told the father to let his son know that he wasn’t angry about him being gay and that it was all because he broke a rule.
Image credits: Anna Shvets (not the actual photo)
Research shows that acceptance is very important for LGBTQ kids and that adolescents who are supported by their families become healthier and happier adults. It can also reduce the need for mental health care and build a healthy and loving environment for youth and their families.
Commenters hilariously chimed in and said that the man’s wife was probably angry because she had to give up her alone time to pick up the teen. They also mentioned that the dad was right for taking a stand about his rule, because it was good to hold his teen up to the same standard as the other kids. Research shows that parental differential treatment can negatively impact the bond between siblings, so it’s important for parents to treat all their kids the same.
Others from the LGBTQ community stated that the dad was being fair. They advised him to reach out to his son and clarify that he doesn’t view him differently and that he supports him through his coming out journey.
Although this might be a difficult and sensitive situation to navigate, the father’s response about still loving the boy and not seeing him differently shows how much he cares. Hopefully, the teen understood his mistake and was able to share more about his relationship with his parents. Commenters were supportive and sided with the dad. Do you think the father was right to send his son home during the boys’ trip? How would you have handled the situation? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Netizens agreed that the dad’s rule should include his gay son, and many were amused by the way the teen skirted around the rule on a technicality
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I think it was the opposite of homophobic. Dad was treating his gay son like the other two. No partner means no partner. No matter the gender (even if the rule was girlfriend, but I think we gan agree that the gay son knew what he was doing there).
Totally agree. I see nothing wrong with this. The rule is being applied without prejudice.
Load More Replies... Nay on the homophobia, but why are specifically girlfriends (partners) excluded? If your son were to bring a friend who is a girl, would that then be allowed? Or is it really a 'no girls allowed' activity but with different words?
Because nobody goes on a trip with 2 people making out the whole tine. No one wants to be around that on a group trip.
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I don’t think it’s homophobic or wrong to uphold the same standard for his sons regardless or sexual orientation, but I do think he’s missing the big point of why his son felt the need to hide his relationship for a full year from his father (and possibly his whole family).
I suspect that there's a what and a how to this story. I get the principle of not including partners so the group gels as a group, but coming out after a year of secrecy is a big thing and needed sensitive, supportive handling as, with all the stigma many gay people still suffer, it wouldn't be surprising if the son felt that was at least a factor, even if it wasn't the OP's intention.
Seems like hardly anyone tries to see it from teens side, but just assumes that undermining the rule was his deliberate plan: How easy or even realistic would it have been to specifically NOT bring who his parents probably considered his very best friend without being questioned for reasons? Being a non outed teen bringing a girl would have equaled an outing, because father would for sure not have bought it without questioning. Who knows If he even has a male friend he could have brought along, who wouldn't have given him s**t once he learned about him being gay?
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This kid knew perfectly well he was breaking the rule. Even worse, he was banking on the accusation that his dad is homophobic to get himself out of trouble if he did get caught. Dad needs to nip THAT mentality right in the bud. Sounds like a good dad.
So, you think a teen who has been in a serious relationship for a year and didn’t want his dad to know is just “playing the gay card”?? God I hope you don’t have kids. Or gay friends for that matter. If you do I bet they confide in you as much as this son confided in his dad. Also, kinda sounds like mom was already in the know. Dad found out and kicked him out of the boys club. He didn’t need to say “no son of mine will be A GAY” - his actions said it all.
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Ok so although I think we can all agree homophobia played no part in the choice I think the question has to be asked, why did a 16 year old feel he couldn't tell his parents he had a bf for over a year, or told them at the start? Perhaps already feeling insacure the kids just misinterprating the fathers reasons for sending him home or just upset that dad just kind of outted him with no real discussion. Maybe the wife is feeling badly that he felt he needed to keep the fact that he had a bf from them/stay closeted, and is misdirecting that. If they haven't already I think they need to .sit down and have a talk to find out why he felt he needed to hide his relationship in the first place.
Definitely don’t agree homophobia wasn’t at play here. Dad may not actively hate gay people, but he sure doesn’t seem to think they exist in his life let alone family. And telling his gay son he has to leave the BOYS trip after finding out? Hella homophobic. Sure, send the bf home, and then try to salvage your relationship with your son who does not trust or respect you.
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I mean, it was a tiny bit wrong to assume your sons were all heterosexual, but no, NTA at all for kicking them both off the trip.
If they've been dating for a year and haven't let you know, saying girlfriend instead of partner is not the only homophobic signal you're broadcasting. On the other hand, siblings are hilarious, they definitely knew.
I am confused, why were romantic partners not allowed in the first place?
I broke out of my house to hang with a girlfriend (I'm female). Mom was just pissed she didn't know where we were going. Dad is completely in the right. A person your teen is having sex with is a person your teen is having sex with. Gender and orientation matters none
Did your mom know you were gay? Did you trust her enough to be out to her? Did she exclude not just your gf but also you from any family “girl” bonding as a result? I think you’re way off base. Dad said no girlfriends. That was his bad for not being open to the possibility that one of his 3 sons might not be super cishet bro.
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I think father just assumed son Just maliciously tricked him, while he likely was stuck between bringing his bf, bringing and sharing room with a male friend who doesn't yet know he is gay and might flip out about it later or have his come out to be allowed to bring a girl... Like you are all so sure he could have brought a male friend totally cool with him being gay or just come alone without raising questions? "Why don't you bring [bf]???" Sure he might have enjoyed it too,but OP ist clearly super self rightous - like maybe when your Kid has his coming out, sending him away to proof a point, is not the best move
What y’all are missing is the whole interaction happened bc dad assumed no one in his family could be gay. That IS homophobia. I think son is smart and was basically just using malicious compliance since dad said “no girlfriends”. Ostracizing him by making him leave a family trip - a “boys” trip no less - does not send the message that he loves and accepts his son. He could have taken a pause and said “I should have said no sweethearts, I’m sorry I did not account for you. It was wrong to bring your boyfriend secretly and you know that is not how this trip goes. Now let’s talk about why you’ve kept the relationship a secret for a year - I’m sorry you didn’t think you couldn’t share this part of your life. Let’s work on changing that together”. FWIW every queer person I know has used this loophole. It is the only upside to being invisible to your family as a teen.
Was the rule enacted to prevent romance or prevent pregnancy? Because if it's the latter, then it wasn't the issue. They should have let it slide this time and said, "next time, that's not allowed".
I think it was the opposite of homophobic. Dad was treating his gay son like the other two. No partner means no partner. No matter the gender (even if the rule was girlfriend, but I think we gan agree that the gay son knew what he was doing there).
Totally agree. I see nothing wrong with this. The rule is being applied without prejudice.
Load More Replies... Nay on the homophobia, but why are specifically girlfriends (partners) excluded? If your son were to bring a friend who is a girl, would that then be allowed? Or is it really a 'no girls allowed' activity but with different words?
Because nobody goes on a trip with 2 people making out the whole tine. No one wants to be around that on a group trip.
Load More Replies... I don’t think it’s homophobic or wrong to uphold the same standard for his sons regardless or sexual orientation, but I do think he’s missing the big point of why his son felt the need to hide his relationship for a full year from his father (and possibly his whole family).
I suspect that there's a what and a how to this story. I get the principle of not including partners so the group gels as a group, but coming out after a year of secrecy is a big thing and needed sensitive, supportive handling as, with all the stigma many gay people still suffer, it wouldn't be surprising if the son felt that was at least a factor, even if it wasn't the OP's intention.
Seems like hardly anyone tries to see it from teens side, but just assumes that undermining the rule was his deliberate plan: How easy or even realistic would it have been to specifically NOT bring who his parents probably considered his very best friend without being questioned for reasons? Being a non outed teen bringing a girl would have equaled an outing, because father would for sure not have bought it without questioning. Who knows If he even has a male friend he could have brought along, who wouldn't have given him s**t once he learned about him being gay?
Load More Replies... This kid knew perfectly well he was breaking the rule. Even worse, he was banking on the accusation that his dad is homophobic to get himself out of trouble if he did get caught. Dad needs to nip THAT mentality right in the bud. Sounds like a good dad.
So, you think a teen who has been in a serious relationship for a year and didn’t want his dad to know is just “playing the gay card”?? God I hope you don’t have kids. Or gay friends for that matter. If you do I bet they confide in you as much as this son confided in his dad. Also, kinda sounds like mom was already in the know. Dad found out and kicked him out of the boys club. He didn’t need to say “no son of mine will be A GAY” - his actions said it all.
Load More Replies... Ok so although I think we can all agree homophobia played no part in the choice I think the question has to be asked, why did a 16 year old feel he couldn't tell his parents he had a bf for over a year, or told them at the start? Perhaps already feeling insacure the kids just misinterprating the fathers reasons for sending him home or just upset that dad just kind of outted him with no real discussion. Maybe the wife is feeling badly that he felt he needed to keep the fact that he had a bf from them/stay closeted, and is misdirecting that. If they haven't already I think they need to .sit down and have a talk to find out why he felt he needed to hide his relationship in the first place.
Definitely don’t agree homophobia wasn’t at play here. Dad may not actively hate gay people, but he sure doesn’t seem to think they exist in his life let alone family. And telling his gay son he has to leave the BOYS trip after finding out? Hella homophobic. Sure, send the bf home, and then try to salvage your relationship with your son who does not trust or respect you.
Load More Replies... I mean, it was a tiny bit wrong to assume your sons were all heterosexual, but no, NTA at all for kicking them both off the trip.
If they've been dating for a year and haven't let you know, saying girlfriend instead of partner is not the only homophobic signal you're broadcasting. On the other hand, siblings are hilarious, they definitely knew.
I am confused, why were romantic partners not allowed in the first place?
I broke out of my house to hang with a girlfriend (I'm female). Mom was just pissed she didn't know where we were going. Dad is completely in the right. A person your teen is having sex with is a person your teen is having sex with. Gender and orientation matters none
Did your mom know you were gay? Did you trust her enough to be out to her? Did she exclude not just your gf but also you from any family “girl” bonding as a result? I think you’re way off base. Dad said no girlfriends. That was his bad for not being open to the possibility that one of his 3 sons might not be super cishet bro.
Load More Replies... I think father just assumed son Just maliciously tricked him, while he likely was stuck between bringing his bf, bringing and sharing room with a male friend who doesn't yet know he is gay and might flip out about it later or have his come out to be allowed to bring a girl... Like you are all so sure he could have brought a male friend totally cool with him being gay or just come alone without raising questions? "Why don't you bring [bf]???" Sure he might have enjoyed it too,but OP ist clearly super self rightous - like maybe when your Kid has his coming out, sending him away to proof a point, is not the best move
What y’all are missing is the whole interaction happened bc dad assumed no one in his family could be gay. That IS homophobia. I think son is smart and was basically just using malicious compliance since dad said “no girlfriends”. Ostracizing him by making him leave a family trip - a “boys” trip no less - does not send the message that he loves and accepts his son. He could have taken a pause and said “I should have said no sweethearts, I’m sorry I did not account for you. It was wrong to bring your boyfriend secretly and you know that is not how this trip goes. Now let’s talk about why you’ve kept the relationship a secret for a year - I’m sorry you didn’t think you couldn’t share this part of your life. Let’s work on changing that together”. FWIW every queer person I know has used this loophole. It is the only upside to being invisible to your family as a teen.
Was the rule enacted to prevent romance or prevent pregnancy? Because if it's the latter, then it wasn't the issue. They should have let it slide this time and said, "next time, that's not allowed".
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