These People Are So Done With Their Boyfriends’ And Husbands’ Incompetence, They Just Had To Shame Their Infuriating Habits Online (40 Posts)

Though there are exceptions, broadly speaking, women spend far more time doing housework than men, even in the West. This happens even in egalitarian marriages where women earn as much or even more than their husbands.

“Even as financial contributions have become more equal in marriages, the way couples divide their time between paid work and home life remains unbalanced,” the Pew Research Center notes. “Husbands in egalitarian marriages spend about 3.5 hours more per week on leisure activities than wives do. Wives in these marriages spend roughly 2 hours more per week on caregiving than husbands do and about 2.5 hours more on housework.”

Bored Panda wanted to learn about tackling the topic of neatness in a marriage. Parenting blogger Samantha, from 'Walking Outside in Slippers,' was kind enough to shine the spotlight on the importance of compromise.

"Neatness is a scalding-hot topic in my happy 14-year marriage. My husband is not very tidy, to say the least, and neither am I. Except next to him I'm the queen of clean," she opened up to us.

"He loves to leave his laundry in messy piles next to his side of the bed. I can't stand it and am always asking him to please clean up after himself. My husband makes a little effort sometimes to try to make me happy, but not nearly enough in my opinion," she said. 

"I've had to accept that if being a bit of a slob is my husband's worst trait, I'm a lucky wife. I think the bigger relationship lesson is about compromise and letting some things go. On both sides."

Meanwhile, we were also curious about what couples can do to divide the household chores up in a fairer way. "My husband is not much for cleaning the house, so I made the decision to hire a house cleaning service that comes every two weeks," the founder of 'Walking Outside in Slippers' told Bored Panda how she solves this issue.

"We both work full-time and are busy with the kids, and I'm not about to bear the brunt of all the cleaning. Fortunately, housecleaning is an expense we can budget for. I know that's not possible for everyone," she said.

"That said, he does do all the cooking in our house while I pick up between housecleaning visits. So once again, compromise is so important in a relationship."

Most of the photos in this list focus on either a chronic lack of neatness or a deep desire to avoid doing household chores. Of course, whether or not a person is tidy or the opposite will depend on their character, how they were raised, and what they value the most in life.

Someone whose parents expected them to pick up after themselves and to look after their siblings, for example, might be more used to doing chores, consistently, and without grumbling. Meanwhile, someone who was coddled their entire life might not actually know how to do basic things like cook for themselves, do the laundry, and keep the entire house in order. They simply don’t have the skills or the habits. Or the truth might be something more grounded: they don't clean because they really hate cleaning. And many of us have at least one chore that we hate (e.g. vacuuming) and some that we don't mind doing (e.g. washing the dishes).

A person’s character, attitude, and values have a lot to do with how they treat their environment, too. Someone who’s completely focused on work or lost in a massive passion project might forget to wash the dishes, take out the trash, or eat. Or they might simply not be aware that their habits are causing a lot of tension at home. Their Trembling Tower of Trash might seem an obvious issue to a bystander, but this isn’t always the case for someone who’s spending their entire time in the same place.

Meanwhile, an individual who knows that it’s important to balance personal goals with family life will carve out the time to help out with mundane tasks—even if they detest doing them. Being in a relationship and raising a family means being part of a team and taking on responsibilities that aren’t always pleasant but help keep everything running (semi) smoothly.

Life is full of these unpleasant grinds, both big and small, and they are unavoidable unless you happen to be extremely well-off and pay people to do, well, absolutely every menial task for you. However, you can look at the situation in a more practical way even without being a millionaire. You could, for instance, hire a cleaning service every few weeks to help out with the housework. You could also hire someone to clean the pool and mow the lawn. Every couple needs to determine for themselves where they might want to save on time and energy, rather than money.

Now here’s the core issue: people aren’t mind-readers. Nor is everyone an expert at picking up subtle hints and reading their partner’s tone and body language. Your partner might think that it’s obvious that they’re mad at you for failing to clear out the garage, again, just like you’ve been promising to do for the past six months. However, to you, things might not be so clear. This is why constant communication is so essential to a healthy and happy relationship.

Ideally, you want to be as non-confrontational as possible while also not ignoring the problem: focus on the issue at hand, don’t be overly aggressive, and try to look for a solution instead of showing off how right you are (and how wrong your partner is). Remember—you’re a team. And you don’t want to end up in a massive argument that spans days or even weeks just because they like to stack the toilet paper up really high in the bathroom.

According to ‘Glamour,’ couples should avoid blaming their partners. Saying how you feel instead of attacking them won’t get them all defensive. “If you lead with accusation or blame, they won't hear what you want them to hear. They're going to feel at fault and you won't get through,” explains New York-based couples psychotherapist Meg Batterson.

At the same time, both sides should avoid name-calling and attacking each other’s character. Bringing up old issues or unrelated problems is also going to add fuel to the fire, instead of helping you look for a compromise that’ll actually satisfy both of you. It helps to think about the argument from an outsider's perspective and to try and see the humor in discussing each other's (lack) of neatness.

Something else that’s important is making the effort to genuinely listen to your partner’s side of things, no matter what side of the argument you fall on. You need to show that you understand where they’re coming from and put yourself in their shoes (which may or may not be muddy and strewn about in the hall, and why you’re having the conversation in the first place).

Which of these pics got to you the most, dear Pandas? Does your partner do anything similar? What mildly irritating habits do they have? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. Meanwhile, for some more frustrating things that people do, check out Bored Panda's earlier feature right over here.