Sometimes we get stuck in a rut. We can't install a dating app, look for work in another city, or take up a new hobby because we tell ourselves, "That's not me." But when we think that we can't succeed, we don't even try. I know, it sounds corny, but most universal truths do.
Interested in what helps people to keep moving forward, Redditor u/Mememakermaker asked other users: "What advice did someone give you that changed your life?" And they were heard. As of this article, the post has received over 2.2K comments, many of which share tips on relationships, career, and other important areas. Here are some of the most upvoted ones.
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If you wouldn't take advice from them, why would you take criticism?
My therapist told me not to fight my drinking cravings, but rather to ignore them.
Instead of white knuckling it on the couch trying to ride it out, she suggested I find a project and keep myself busy instead.
It worked. Today I'm 41 days sober.
If something is worth doing, its worth doing badly.
At one point in my life I just did not want to do anything because of depression and anxiety and it sucked. I was brought up to believe "if something is worth doing, its worth doing right." So I decided because I didn't think i could get it right I wouldn't bother doing anything.
I read this, and realised I'd been doing it all wrong. I may not be able to get up and shave and shower and run 2 miles in the morning. But I can get dressed and brush my teeth. That'll do.
"You can be the ripest, juiciest peach there is, and there will still be people who don't like peaches" - Dita Von Teese
Used to stress about people liking me or not, stemming from different experiences as a kid. I read this quote and realised that I can be the best I can be, but I'm still not gonna be to everyone's taste, and that's alright. Helped me stress down almost entirely about that.
Not everything in your brain needs to come out of your mouth
Not quite advice, but a male co-worker said his wife was his best friend and I realized my husband and I weren't friends at all. tried to change the relationship but eventually left. 10 years later married a man who was my friend, still married 13 years and he is my best friend.
My husband and I knew we were soulmates within a few weeks. We were married 1 year later. Just had our 28th anniversary and most days together are still honeymoons.
My 5th grade teacher ms. Davis.
“If you are getting frustrated it’s perfectly ok to walk away for a bit a come back to the problem, it’s better to walk away and come back with a clear head then just getting more frustrated”
This was the first person I met that saw me and got me.
I was always told to think three things:
Does this need to be said?
Does this need to be said by me?
Does this need to be said by me right now?
If it’s a no on any of these, shut up.
Wow, this would dramatically reduce the comments here on B.P. (Oh, I shouldn't have said that)
Be the person your dog thinks you are.
Their expectations are just too high. If I am half the person my dog thinks I am, that's good.
Hating someone is like drinking poison yourself and waiting until it kills them.
Comparison is the thief of joy
Comparison can also be the source of happiness. Be happy with little things, they are the important things in life. A lot of people live in horrible places.
Dont find someone to grow old with, find someone to stay forever young with.
"Good memories can be just as toxic as bad memories"
For people in bad friendships/romantic relationships, so many people hold on to the good times in the past, hoping that it'll be like that again. You remember how good things were at the start, and you convince yourself 'they're not that bad, remember that one good time.....", even though at present, you're being treated like sh*t.
But what's in the past has already happened. Your current reality is not that anymore. Good memories can really trap you in bad places if you're not careful.
This advice has definitely been a wake up call to me before.
I realized this in my last relationship. All the good times became far and few between. I would try to plan outings but he would decline or grumble. He didn't seem to be interested in family activities and would rather get high with his friends. Don't do drugs, people. Seriously. You could lose everyone in your life you would have loved if you had a clear head.
Not really advice, just a remark someone made a few times that hit home.. They said that most things people do have nothing to do with you, even if it’s directed at you. It really did change my life in that I hardly ever take things personal anymore.
Nobody knows what the [hell] they’re doing
Never have an argument with an idiot, they will drag you down to their level and beat you through experience
Or as I've seen it phrased - 'You can't reason someone out of a position that they didn't reason themselves into.'
"you don't have to know exactly how to do something. You just need to know that it can be done, and the rest can be figured out.". My former boss when I started my IT career. Changed how I looked at the problems I dealt with at work and at home.
In most of life, you don't need to have the answer memorized; you just need to know how to look it up or look up the tools to figure it out.
Wear sunscreen.
If you have psoriasis or eczema sunlight on your skin, twenty minutes a day at least, will do wonders in help clearing it up. I have psoriasis on my hands. I used to wear gloves when I drove. One day I had to get the horse ready for the vet. I was out there for over an hour in the sun, at one in the afternoon. It was 97 degrees, full sun. I had no gloves or hat, because I thought it would only take about twenty minutes max. Well, it didn't. BUT that evening and the next day I noticed that my psoriasis was MUCH diminished. Doctor said it was the ultraviolet rays. Since then no gloves when I drive and the psoriasis is much reduced.
ONLY worry about what you CAN control... which isn't very much.
Ehhh, I don't like this much. I can't control climate change, or the hurricane offshore, or if someone's angry with me - but I need to live in the world and prepare for bad weather and try to get politicians to take action, etc. I fully agree that we shouldn't let that worry overcome us - which is the hard part - but not worrying at all would mean we don't take actions that will protect us in the future.
A manager at my boring office job questioned my motives for being there, leading me to pivot completely, go back to school, and pursue a career in an industry im passionate about.
After graduating college I worked retail and food service for about 5 years before landing a decent paying office gig. I was pretty miserable there, but I always assumed that was the best path to success cuz it worked for my dad. I was in my managers office doing a quarterly review or something and she asked me the classic “where do you see yourself in 5 years?” Since my dad started out as a programmer and worked his way up the corporate ladder, I’d always assumed that was the best way to success and happiness. So I told my manager “idk doing what you’re doing I guess.” “Why?” She asked. I responded “I mean…isn’t that what you’re supposed to do?” And then she dropped a line that literally changed the course of my life: “Is what you WANT to do, or is it what you’re EXPECTED to do?”
Y’all, I was floored. I was at a loss for words making that ‘surprised Pikachu’ face. You know the one. After my review I went back to my desk and spent the rest of the day thinking about her question. I decided in the following weeks that being an office drone WAS NOT what I wanted to do so finally, at 27, I decided to forge my own path instead of doing what my parents/society expected me to do. I went back to school for media production (didn’t finish cuz I ran out of money/COVID) and here I am 4 years later with my first production job working teleprompter at a local news station. It’s not where I want to end and it’s been a long hard few years to get here, but it’s the foot in the door job that I’ve been searching for.
Honestly, great that they had a boss that actually looked out for them and their best interests, rather than trying to suck the soul out of their employees. I love good managers :)
Be curious not judgemental
Work is not like school. You don't hand-in an assignment and it's done. Instead, you constantly chip away at things over time. In my first job I was upset that my work was never "perfrct"/done like it was at school. This advice helped me shift my mindset so that I wasn't so hard on myself.
Consider what saying "yes" will cost you - time, energy, money, etc.
If you really can't part with what it would cost, then "no" is a statement of fact, and an act of self-respect.
Also, recognize that other people are allowed to be upset or have negative emotions, without it being your job to fix that - even if they say you're the source or reason.
Obviously if you've hurt someone with your words or actions you should apologize - but if someone's mad at you for not doing them a favor? Too bad. You're probably not their only option and they'll just have to learn to solve their own problems.
We're each responsible for our own happiness. We can choose to add to the happiness of others, but it's nobody's job to ensure someone else's happiness.
Today is only one day in all the days that will ever be. But what will happen in all the other days that ever come can depend on what you do today,
Don’t worry about what other people are thinking about you, because everyone is only thinking about themselves.
"Act like you have been there before."
It's just another way of saying be confident in yourself, but just saying "be confident," doesn't really tell you how to be confident. Saying "act like you have been there before" is more like instructions.
Act like you have been there before and risk making an @ss of yourself. Seen to many occasions where people embarrassed themselves because they acted like they knew how to act in a particular setting.
"You can't help people if you can't even help yourself."
You can't change what happend. No matter it was your fault or someone else messed it up. Don't be mad about it. Deal with the challenge.
That I didn’t have to stay married to my abusive spouse, myself and children could be better off.
Was taught that divorce was bad. Didn’t even realize leaving him/divorce was a real option.
My life has completely changed in many ways.
You wear a shirt almost all of the time. Stop striving to be happy with how you look with your shirt off and start striving to be happy with how you look with a shirt on.
It's silly but when I was much heavier, I was so self conscious of how I looked with my shirt off even though it barely came off around people other than my wife. Over the years of diet and exercise, I am pretty happy with how I look with both my shirt on and off, but when I changed perspective on this, I actually starting losing weight and becoming stronger a lot faster.
To truly become the best, you must strive to surpass yourself. Not the competition.
Doing the minimum is better than doing nothing at all.
I'm afraid that a lot of employers have a totally different opinion about this.
To truly listen to your partner get past your anger and defensiveness and be vulnerable and only then can you listen to their needs and change your self. Being vulnerable doesnt make you weak.
More of a saying my mom uses a lot "At any point of the day it can get better"
I feel sorry for "optimists." I am a pragmatist, I expect the worst, I am prepared for it, thus I am not at a loss when the worst happens. However, as I expect the worst I am totally surprised and delighted when the "best" happens. I feel sorry for optimists. They expect the best, it is not a surprise that delights them, it is not unexpected and they are totally thrown when bad happens.
Stop putting everyone else first. Think about what you need before you try to help anyone else. You have to be selfish and take care of yourself before anyone else otherwise you’ll have nothing left to give others. It’s okay to put yourself first it doesn’t mean you don’t care about anyone else.
My doctor told me that when I broke down to him during a very hard period of my life. I just crumbled in that room the second he said “enough about everyone else, how are you doing?” I was such a people pleaser and ran myself almost into my grave with it. I always believed if i could make everyone around me happy I’d be happy too because then there would be no reason for me to worry I wasn’t making anyone happy or proud. But it doesn’t work that way. You can’t make everyone else happy you can only do that for yourself and it’s not selfish to put yourself first. It’s how you survive and get better. Then I can help the people I want to help. It was helpful in teaching me it wasn’t my job to fix other people too, they wouldn’t get fixed if they didn’t want to be and I was fighting a losing battle by trying and just bringing myself down with them. It took a long time, so many hard moments but I’m selfish now and make no apologies for it.
I was chatting with a friend once and mentioned a line from a short story I wrote, where the character says "It would be nice just to be taken care of. I've spent so many years taking care of other people - it's worn me down so badly." My friend said "Wait, is this story about me?" (It wasn't, but that's exactly what everyone else said about that line, which was both revealing and sad).
Be involved, not attached.
Had major problems socializing for most of my life. It's way better now, thanks to advice like this. It doesn't mean you have to dominate every conversation, just be more involved. Ask the talking person questions, repeat what they said in other words to clarify their statements, ask follow-up questions. Let them know you're actually interested in what they have to say. Making people talk will get you way farther than talking about yourself.
Expectations breed disappointment.
If you’re gonna get angry about something, think to yourself, will I remember this in 10 years?
Before you gossip, ask yourself: Is it true, is it kind , is it necessary?
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
Related to "if they cheat WITH you, you have no right to be surprised when they cheat ON you".
Show up
I don’t know the context of this specifically, but an old teacher of mine taught me to say “yes, let’s”. I still use that 28 years on, even if I hate what I have to do (maybe a workshop or a course), I participate to the fullest. It makes time go quickly, helps me find a few little positives, and if I still end up hating it, it wasn’t through lack of trying.
You are what you eat. It showed me that if you want to be a different person you need to do a little bit of everything everyday. My career, body, and overall happiness skyrocketed after I did it. It is sometimes boring, because it is a grind, but the reaping is amazing.
Best advice I received about relationships with direct reports: Always friendly, never a friend.
I wish I had learned it earlier in my career. But in my current role, it serves me very well!
"If I think there's something wrong everyone around me, then there's something wrong with me."
Been chanting this word every time I feel this way. Though others may see it as depressing (not to mentioned about my current self-esteem), it helps me to not blame others and more saying to myself "what can I do better".
"The grass is greener on the other side" Helps me whenever I see other people's lifestyle seems better than I am.
"The more I learned, the more things I realised I do not know" This helps me questioned pretty much whenever I learn something.
Ok, that first one, not always. I live in trump country. I know there's something wrong with everyone else. That first one is just a gateway to conformity.
Just because you like/love them doesn't mean they feel the same. Be sure that the relationship is a partnership.
The only thing in this world that no one can take from you is your education.
"Don't be an idiot"
Changed my life
Wherever I'm about to do something I ask myself, 'would an idiot do this?' If they would, I do Not do that thing. --Dwight Schrute
I know it's a common advice but when my honorary grandma said "press on never give up it'll come to you eventually" it stayed with me ever since. She is one of a few genuine people I know so it means a lot to me.
Your Grandma got her wisdom in an age where people could buy a house when they were 24, married and with 2 kids. When you still believe that hard work and dedication to your employer is going to make you successful, you are so sorely mistaken.
Be nice to all your coworkers. You never know who will become your boss some day
Kindness with an ulterior motive is the worst. How about we just be nice to everyone because everyone deserves a bit of respect and kindness.
Don’t give me an excuse. Say you’re sorry, and you’ll do better.
I don't like this mentality. Giving a reason that it happened is more helpful. You accidentally run over my cat. A sorry and a promise to do better isn't going to help. But tell me that you lost control of the car because of the ice on the road and I can call the city to have that part of the road salted next time it snows. After I bawl my eyes out of course. Demanding someone apologize to you with no context just isn't helpful and belittling someone else doesn't make anything better.
At the point this advice was given, he was still a stranger. As the years went on, we became like family.
"If you're serious about it, you have to change everything." At the time it was just about workouts and eating, but I realized everything affected my goals(work, life, gym, etc).
Never borrow something you can't afford to replace; never loan something you can't afford to lose. Be your own best friend. Remember that people will not treat you the way you would like them to but they will treat you the best way they know how. Doesn't mean they don't care, just means they care differently. Be kind to your body.
I used to tell myself that I should always expect the worst, because then I won't be hurt if it turns out better than I expected, rather than expect good things to happen and be let down. I stopped living by this when I took advice from others and realised my stupid philosophy was preventing me from doing things and getting out of my comfort zone.
Wish for the best, but also be equipped to deal with the worst :)
Load More Replies...When I was in my early 20s there was this older, very classy looking lady who shopped where I worked. One day we were talking and she mentioned that she thought I was very skilled at makeup(I am from NJ where it's common to have a face full) but to please remember that "as we age, less is more." I thanked her but remembered thinking, "what does she know?!? less is less and more is better!" But her words came back to me as I got older and toned it down a bit. I am 60 now and realize what wonderful advice that was! I like a classy retro cat eye with bold lip but in a more natural toned down way that works for my age and looks. I get taken for younger constantly.
Never borrow something you can't afford to replace; never loan something you can't afford to lose. Be your own best friend. Remember that people will not treat you the way you would like them to but they will treat you the best way they know how. Doesn't mean they don't care, just means they care differently. Be kind to your body.
I used to tell myself that I should always expect the worst, because then I won't be hurt if it turns out better than I expected, rather than expect good things to happen and be let down. I stopped living by this when I took advice from others and realised my stupid philosophy was preventing me from doing things and getting out of my comfort zone.
Wish for the best, but also be equipped to deal with the worst :)
Load More Replies...When I was in my early 20s there was this older, very classy looking lady who shopped where I worked. One day we were talking and she mentioned that she thought I was very skilled at makeup(I am from NJ where it's common to have a face full) but to please remember that "as we age, less is more." I thanked her but remembered thinking, "what does she know?!? less is less and more is better!" But her words came back to me as I got older and toned it down a bit. I am 60 now and realize what wonderful advice that was! I like a classy retro cat eye with bold lip but in a more natural toned down way that works for my age and looks. I get taken for younger constantly.