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“What Just Screams ‘This Couple Isn’t Going To Make It’?” (43 Answers)
Interview With Expert
We love to gossip and speculate about other couples to the point where it becomes like a hobby. Sometimes, those talks totally miss the mark. But other times, they prove to be more accurate than a tarot reading.
So when a Reddit thread asked people to share the biggest giveaways that a relationship is heading towards a breakup, a bunch of fortunetellers chimed in with their expertise.
The responses vary from public disagreements to addictions, and many of them line up with what research says. In fact, a 2025 study suggests that relationships often start declining one to two years ahead of a breakup, meaning outsiders may spot the cracks well before the couple does themselves.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
A guy I'm acquainted to posted on Facebook that "a real man loves his wife despite" followed by a huge list of flaws related to having aged and given birth, like stretch marks and weight gain. His wife was in her early thirties, weighed 110 pounds soaking wet, easily a 9/10, maybe an 8/10 if you harshly judged all her flaws. He got loads of likes and support from guys at his church and all I could think was "my man, you just told hundreds of people that you see your borderline model wife as being fat, tired, and stretched out." Unsurprisingly they were separated a few months later.
"When couples have a strong foundation, you tend to see open communication, emotional safety, and mutual respect," Holly Schiff, Psy.D., tells Bored Panda.
She is a licensed clinical psychologist in Connecticut, New York, and Rhode Island, as well as a registered telehealth psychologist in Florida, and says people in healthy relationships "are able to disagree without it escalating into destructive conflict."
"They show genuine curiosity about each other's inner worlds. Another positive sign is adaptability. Couples who are able to navigate stress as a team rather than turning against each other are more likely to sustain their bond long-term. The ability to repair after a disagreement is also a powerful sign of resilience," Schiff adds.
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#2
When they make fun of or are disinterested in their partner’s “little things”.
My husband loves Marvel, Pokémon, NFL, Star Wars, and anime (to name a few) and personally, those are not my interests. But I always ask him questions and listen to his rants about football or the crazy thing that happened in his anime. I just pay attention and remember things because I love him. He in turn always listens to me talk about piano, crocheting, excel sheets, true crime documentaries, etc.
When someone rolls their eyes or makes fun of their partner’s interests it’s a huge red flag.
Kristiina Männiste 2 months ago (edited)
If someone loves excel sheets I would listen to them too. If just to find out what the heck they find so enjoyable in them.
#3
During my wedding my Dad turned to my Mother and said "They aren't going to make it."
His reasoning was during the first dance, she was looking around and posing for pictures. Making sure everybody got good shots, so I was sort of following her lead. Just smiling at people with cameras and whatnot.
We divorced just over a year later.
When my Mom told me about it I asked my Dad why he knew. And he said during what was supposed to be our first act as a married couple she was only concerned about looking good in pictures and he knew at that moment we weren't right for each other.
I've been married to my real (I don't like saying "current") wife for almost 21 years and we never even had a wedding. She didn't want to waste the money. I'm her first and only marriage. .
DrBronxx 2 months ago
My wife didn't even want an engagement ring. She thought it would be a waste of money that would be better spent on the wedding or something more useful. She only really cared about the wedding rings, because we would both have them, and even then we spent a relatively modest amount on them.
A massive study published in Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences analyzed data from 43 longitudinal studies involving over 11,000 couples to identify the most reliable predictors of relationship satisfaction. These turned out to be:
- Perceived partner commitment
- Appreciation
- Sexual satisfaction
- Perceived partner satisfaction
- Conflict
- Life satisfaction
- Negative affect
- Depression
- Attachment avoidance
- Attachment anxiety
However, the researchers noted that changes in relationship quality over time were largely unpredictable from any combination of self-reported variables, suggesting that while certain factors are associated with relationship satisfaction, predicting future changes remains complex.
#4
When one partner does ALL the compromises then lives a life they didn't want.
xenchik:
Sometimes people judge me for leaving my husband instead of going with him. But to move to the Middle East, where I would have no friends, family, or job; where I wouldn't initially know the language and would have trouble even making new friends, and where he basically said that while I was unemployed I could "at least keep the house clean".
It's not so much that I couldn't handle that life for a soulmate. It was more that I realised I wasn't actually soulmates with a guy who saw absolutely no issue with any of the above, because after all, he'd be "making heaps of money". I don't care about money. He does. I had never known it before this. We're simply incompatible.
Howl's sleeping castle 2 months ago
My ex boyfriend wanted me to do this. I had just been promoted so i refused. He actually said 'why ? Do you want to become a manager or something?' What he wanted was that I move with him , with time we will get married, then he would call his parents to live with us and I can take care of them. And this is why ladies and gentlemen, he is an ex
#5
When one partner doesn’t feel they can talk to the other about issues in the relationship for fear the other will get angry or defensive.
Echoing the study's findings, Schiff thinks it's rare for outsiders to ever truly understand the full picture of a couple's relationship, since so much of it remains private.
That said, if she were asked to pinpoint some of the warning signs herself, the psychologist says, "Chronic contempt is one of the most concerning markers because it erodes respect over time—this can look like eye rolling, belittling, or sarcasm."
"A consistent lack of communication, emotional withdrawal and an unwillingness to work through problems also raise red flags" and "outsiders might notice things like constant public criticism or a lack of warmth."
"These often point to deeper struggles behind closed doors that we don't see. While only the couple truly knows their story, some of these observable patterns can be meaningful indicators," Schiff adds.
#6
Cake face smashing at the wedding reception.
dhporter:
I didn't wanna ruin my wife's makeup and we hadn't exactly talked about it before, so I basically took her hand and smashed cake into my own face. The photos are adorable.
Jill Jones 2 months ago
We bypasted each other and threw cake at the best man and maid of honor. We talked with them beforehand and everyone had a good laugh.
#7
Having a baby to bring them closer together. I worked with a woman that always complained about her marriage and one day she said this. I accidently laughed out loud and had to leave the room. Nothing like a 24/7 stress machine to help save an already troubled marriage.
Howl's sleeping castle 2 months ago
My colleague had a 10 year old when she separated from the husband because he was a good for nothing guy. In 10 years he didn't work at all and she was the one earning. Not that he wasn't capable, he just didnt want to work. Then boom, one day she told us she is pregnant again. The husband visited her to meet the kid, one thing led to another and she got pregnant. I have never been so furious at a woman. Now the kids live with her brother and SIL because she can't work and handle two kids at the same time. The husband is still unemployed
#8
When one partner is disdainful of the other. It’s the [end] of the relationship. Pack it up. It’s not going to make it.
inannaberceuse:
I can attest to that. Your partner can feel your disdain by the way. It’s palpable.
#9
They started as affair partners.
#10
One wants a baby, the other doesn’t, then they have a baby….
InevitableAd9683:
My ex wife told me (after marriage) she expected I'd change my mind and want kids once we got married. I didn't.
Little Bit 2 months ago
I had a friend who was married and wanted children but her husband was adamant that he didn't. She 'forgot' to take her birth control pills and ended up pregnant. Then she was amazed when one day he walked out on her and she ended up a penniless single mother.
#11
Couples therapist here…these are some typical big red flags, but I will say that any and all of these issues can be worked on if people are willing to address them:
Not allowing the other partner (or each other) to have lives beyond the relationship.
Being threatened by growth on the part of the other partner.
Refusing to set boundaries with their own families around a*****e behavior (e.g. allowing your mom to talk s**t about your partner, expecting your partner to just deal with it bc “they’re family”…etc.).
Refusal to own your part in conflicts and/or perpetuation of conflicts.
No personal boundaries (thinking it’s ok to go through someone’s phone, etc.).
#12
When they've only been dating for three months but have "already had plenty of ups and downs, like any relationship."
Rommel79:
When I was in grad school I knew a couple that started couples therapy within a month of dating. I guess the s*x must have been mind-blowing because that should have been such a red flag it isn't even funny.
#13
Frequent break ups and then they get back together.
#14
When they don't want to bring their partner around their friends.
#15
One of them wants to open the relationship. Sure didn't go well when my ex tried it.
Multa Nocte 2 months ago
BP uses this same photo several times a week. I feel like I know her now.
#16
Same way I judge a teammate. If they don’t back each other they won’t make it. No I don’t mean always agree or lie that they agree with each other. Talking more about each pulling their weight and stepping up for the other when needed.
#17
When they post on reddit, "Should I leave my spouse?" If you're asking that, then chances are that one of you is already done with the relationship.
Ghostchaplain16 2 months ago
When a husband says to anyone "My wife doesn't understand me...", and especially if he says it to another woman, the end is likely near. It's also true when a woman says "My husband doesn't understand me..." to another man.
#18
If they don’t prioritize each other. Like, mother-in-law goes first before wife. That’s a yikes for me.
#19
Having “Work wives” or “ work husbands”.
#20
When they come to me to talk about their troubles instead of their partner because their partner doesn't take them seriously or makes them feel stupid for it .
#22
I went to one wedding where the bride refused to say "for richer or poorer" during the vows. I don't know how the hell they didn't cover that during all the preparation or rehearsal. Maybe it was supposed to be removed and the minister said it by mistake. Either way it was SUPER awkward when the minister said it and the bride just glared at him and shook her head.
#23
From experience - when one has an over-attached parent and doesn't make the effort to defend their marriage.
#24
When the only time they tell their friends about their partner is to complain about them. Either they suck and therefore it won't last because they dont even like their partner, or the complaints are justified and they won't last because the partner sucks.
#25
When their relationship is super performative.
UltimaGabe:
Yup. I have two friends on Facebook that used to post nothing but lovey-dovey messages multiple times a day, to a ridiculous extent. We found out the wife had a second account where she was doing the same stuff with some other guy, and eventually she left her husband and a whole mess of kids to go be with that other guy.
(The other guy then messaged every guy on her friends list and threatened them with violence if they didn't unfriend her. Eventually he got on her account and blocked/unfriended every guy that didn't do it themselves.)
#27
Constant posts online about how in love and perfect they are together.
Philly Bob 2 months ago
Some of the best relationships are the ones social media knows nothing about...
#28
Contempt. I’ve seen it in so many relationships that I consider it the most consistent indicator of whether or not the couple will stay together. I remember years ago, this couple I knew was planning their wedding, and the future husband in the couple was a real d**k. He had the emotional regulation of a toddler, combined with main character syndrome. Delightful. Anyway, I remember when I was looking for a wedding gift for them, and my first thought was: Who will get this when they split up? The gift was an espresso and cappuccino maker, and it went to my friend, the wife in the couple.
Bids for connection. This is a concept I learned of recently: “any gesture, verbal or non-verbal, from one person to another that invites or requests the other person's attention, response, or engagement.” Basically your partners is interested in the things that make you happy and acts on that interest. If the bids for connection are denied, ignored, or met with contempt, it undermines the marriage, and it’s very hard to come back from this.
#29
The phrase "keep the peace." If I hear that in a relationship I know it's doomed.
#30
If they keep score with one another for both their good deeds to each other and past mistakes.
#31
People who get partner's name tattoo never stay togethe.
Also name tattoos I swear are cursed.
DrBronxx 2 months ago
I'm in a dad group on FB, and the other day a guy was asking for advice on getting a wedding-ring tattoo on his ring finger. He had an idea for a design and was asking everyone their thoughts on the design. The overwhelming response was DON'T DO IT (more respectfully than that, it's a pretty good group with regard to respect for each other. The responses were along the lines of "you do you, but it didn't work for me" or "Cool design, but lots of people who do this end up regretting it. Don't make the decision lightly" etc).
#32
Joint Facebook account.
The8thCorsair:
Nothing says "I cheated" better than that
Huddo's sister 2 months ago
Two sets of my great aunts/uncles have joint facebook accounts. One of the aunts died a couple of years ago and her husband still has her name on their account.
#33
The more expensive the wedding, the shorter the marriage.
Never Snarky 2 months ago
Having spent a total of $300 for everything for a very nice wedding, I can attest after 52 years, this true!
#34
Look at the Gottman’s 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse:
- Criticism
- Contempt
- Defensiveness
- Stonewalling.
#35
They don’t know how to fight. Or say they have never had a fight. I don’t mean fisticuffs. I mean being able to disagree and even get mad at each other. And express it in a healthy way.
I told that to a friend when she was engaged. You don’t really know until that first fight. She agreed when they had their first fight. I don’t know how much longer until they divorced.
I’m not perfect. My husband and I fought especially in the beginning. We had to learn how to be mad and still show respect and love.
DrBronxx 2 months ago
For us what worked is never forgetting that, overall, we are both just looking out for each other and our family. When everything comes from that priority, it is easier to understand each other and explain ourselves, and it is easier to make concessions and compromises, as well as just flat out admit when we're wrong.
#36
When a couple has a baby but then suddenly they completely forget to still be a couple, and to make time for each other despite being parents. I know it's easier said than done and it takes effort from both partners. So many couples split up within a year of having a baby, or the couple stays in a loveless marriage and once their kids are grown up, the parents realise they no longer have the distraction of parenthood to hide the fact they don't really love one another anymore. Obviously for this to work, both people must be supportive and present parents who pull their weight in parenthood. Having a baby is time consuming but if you're committed to your partner, you NEED to put in effort to make a relationship last, through good times and bad, through difficult parts of life and the more simple times in life. Even if it's just taking time in the evening to talk or to just be a couple, even when you're tired after a day of parenting, but relationships are effort. Or even trying to go on a date night as often as possible, if you can't afford a babysitter, set up a date night at home once your kids are asleep.
T.M.P Janssen 2 months ago
Yeah. This "children grew up but we forgot each other, now we just stay married because thats how its been for 40 years" is happening to my parents rn. My father is 100% desinterested doing anything with my mother and my mother is terribly hurt by this, but also annoyed (which makes her a little annoying at times) which makes him stay away further. Its a downward spiral and no, my almost 70 yo parents will never go to therapy...
#37
They don’t laugh together.
#38
Criticising each other in front of others.
#39
Getting into explosive fights and then making up and saying that relationships take work. When they're still supposed to be in the honeymoon stage.
#41
When they’re putting in unnecessary overtime at work.
#42
When the wife is a man-hater, or the husband is a woman-hater.
#43
When one of them seems to be raising an adult child.
Like, the other one will only talk to their partner in group settings, and expect the other to do everything for them and to only be with them all the time.
#46
It's that fundamental lack of respect, where one person's dreams are constantly dismissed. You can't build a future if one person is always sacrificing theirs. Those "ups and downs" early on are just a preview of a miserable marathon.
#47
Jealousy/trust issues. I see so many posts here that are like 'my boyfriend insists that he must know where I am at all times' or whatever, and it's just crazy to me. If you trust them then why are you worried about what they're doing? If you don't trust them then why are you in a relationship with them?
#48
When they're both in love with one of them.
#49
These are all too normal.
Mine is when I see the lady in a hetero relationship start publicly commenting and liking rings and engagement stuff.
When she wants it that bad and she has to publicly hint over and over, I don’t think he really wants to.
#50
When they don't even trust one another to the point they have to share the same Facebook, tiktok, Snapchat etc. Cringe.
#51
Arguing over who "wears the pants." I knew the instant I saw these two teenagers arguing about that, that it wasn't going to last.
I was right.
#52
They don't discuss important things like money handling (joint/separate/combo bank accounts, how they'll split bills or not), having kids/how many if they want them, future job goals, where they want to be in the future geographically, and many other things that they are clueless about the other partner's views/expectations. Undisclosed mental/health issues.
#53
I know a couple that track each other on their phones, they made a promise they wont have any other screensavers but photos of each other, not even couple photos just a photo of each other, he has to go to bed at the same time as her or wait until she falls asleep if he wants to go on his phone or watch tv, any social events must be together with mutural friends.
They are still together so far but i wont be shocked the day they arent.
#54
When the slightest little issues has them arguing for hours.
Drop Bear from Hell 2 months ago
In the case of my parents - lived, slept in the same bed, played a sport together but never spoke a word to each other in 7 YEARS. Anything to be said was directed through a third party. F'ing lunatics the pair of them.
#56
Arguing in public loudly enough to cause a scene. It’s a sign that you’re willing to embarrass yourself just to yell at your partner. And if you’re willing to do that… why are you still with them?
#57
When they look through each other’s phones. My bf & I have each other’s password but I’m not looking through his messages, let alone anything. I have my own phone bro.
#58
When one person constantly ignores red flags and the other pretends everything’s fine. Nothing screams ‘doomed’ louder than that.
#59
"We fight all the time but it's because we love each other/I can't live without them..." something along those lines. Insisting that fighting constantly healthy communication.
#61
When their libidos are completely different. I’m talking one is basically asexual and the other has a normal if not higher libido. Destined to fail eventually.
Complete personality change from a more positive and happier way of being to just misery and negativity all the time.
#62
When she posts, “if you want to keep your man happy, you need to let him sleep with other women.”
Ouch. Projecting much?
Michael Largey 2 months ago
If my wife told me I could sleep with other woman, I would have two questions - "Who are you really? And what have you done with my wife?"
#64
When they got married in July and just moved in with each other last week.
Wife's friend and her now husband got married. Stayed in separate hotel rooms the night following their wedding. Lived in the same town, but didn't live together because there was construction going on at their new house (a pool install), and his condo was "icky".
Judy Reynolds 2 months ago
My sister's in-laws (second marriage for both of them) didn't live together. She just wanted a fourth for bridge.
#66
Laughing at each others’ misfortunes. I.e. wow my husband is such a d*****s, he got a speeding ticket this morning. Hahahahhaa.
#69
An unforgiving partner.
#70
At the wedding, the best man retelling stories of xxx debauchery with the overwhelming approval of the groom.
The place went silent with all the old aunts and grandparents sitting there shocked.
Not being able to read the room the rest of the groomsmen lined up to tell their stories as well.
The Dj finally cut off the mic and everyone tried to forget it happened.
They broke up 4 months later.
#71
Arguing loudly during their one year anniversary at the local Applebee's.
Michael Largey 2 months ago
It had to be on the first anniversary because there won't be a second.
#72
When they have to start disinviting people from the wedding because so many of their friends are voicing their objections.
#73
When they frequently talk or post about how much better/mature/deep their relationship is than other peoples' relationships. Never seen a relationship like that stand the test of time (disclaimer: I'm sure there's exceptions to this, like everything, but in my personal experience, I haven't seen it).
#75
I recently had a friend who lied to their now husband about their eviction notice before getting married. she lied that it was out of her control, not because she couldnt make her rent payment.
her line was “its ok because now i have [her husband] and everything is going to be fine”
he developed a coke a*******n with her also and lost his job at a university that she was going to attend for free when they got married because of it. they lived in a la quinta paying daily while they looked for a house to buy.
they have been only dating for less than 6 months before getting engaged.
#79
They make less eye contact.
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What do you think ?
nut nibbler 2 months ago
When you hear one of them saying "MY wedding" or "MY honeymoon" never OUR
BlackestDawn 2 months ago
Yeah, they also very often value having a wedding more than having a marriage.
Load More Replies... Malamutes 2 months ago
What "screamed we weren't going to make it" for my wife and I was our friends. Let me explain. We had a small (cheep) wedding, and had invited a dozen of our close friends. Many of them were part of the wedding party. Come to find out, all of our "friends" had a dead pool going on how long our marriage would last. As near as we could find out (this was all done behind our backs), the longest estimate was 2 years. This mildly pissed me off, but it hurt my new bride something terrible. So. I arranged for a gathering at our house, and told all our "good friends" that they could f**k right off, and get the hell out of my house, as they weren't welcome there. I haven't talked to any of those "friends" in decades, but 34 years later I still have the same wonderful wife. I think we beat "2 years".
nut nibbler 2 months ago
When you hear one of them saying "MY wedding" or "MY honeymoon" never OUR
BlackestDawn 2 months ago
Yeah, they also very often value having a wedding more than having a marriage.
Load More Replies... Malamutes 2 months ago
What "screamed we weren't going to make it" for my wife and I was our friends. Let me explain. We had a small (cheep) wedding, and had invited a dozen of our close friends. Many of them were part of the wedding party. Come to find out, all of our "friends" had a dead pool going on how long our marriage would last. As near as we could find out (this was all done behind our backs), the longest estimate was 2 years. This mildly pissed me off, but it hurt my new bride something terrible. So. I arranged for a gathering at our house, and told all our "good friends" that they could f**k right off, and get the hell out of my house, as they weren't welcome there. I haven't talked to any of those "friends" in decades, but 34 years later I still have the same wonderful wife. I think we beat "2 years".
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