People Are Sharing Parenting Trends They Disagree With And Here Are 30 Of The Most Hated Ones
The practices and norms around raising kids change over time, with each generation of parents redefining the classic role. These shifts take place due to a number of factors, including new research, technologies, or the desire to "do it differently than our old folks did." But that doesn't mean that all of them are automatically better than the older ways.
So when Reddit user The_WhiteMantis asked everyone on the platform to share the parenting trends that they wholeheartedly disagree with, people immediately started sharing their opinions. From making your children the butt of your jokes to never telling them "no," below you will find the submissions that received the most attention.
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The trend of oversharing kids' lives on social media. It's like turning your child's childhood into a reality TV show.
We contacted The_WhiteMantis, and the Redditor explained that they came up with the idea for their post thanks to the radio.
"The question popped into my head after I heard a conversation on the radio about the usage of phones by minors," The_WhiteMantis told Bored Panda.
"I did not have time to read all the comments due to the huge size of the discussion, however, I did notice some recurring themes: 1) providing devices to minors, 2) parents living vicariously through their children, and 3) being overprotective of them."
Never saying no to your child.
they have to know that they can't get everything. adulthood is gonna hit them hard
I’ve seen a small yet growing trend of homeschooled kids where the parents are completely neglectful of actual education and basically let the kid do whatever they want. They don’t follow standardised curriculum for the sake of “letting kids be kids.” If your kid can barely read at 10 years old, you’re setting them up to fail as an adult.
I love that it's not allowed here. One of the reasons - and it had been recently reaffirmed by our Bundesgerichtshof (Supreme court, except mostly non-partisan and useful) - is that children NEED to be confronted by different opinions, looks and cultures and that a school is the best place to learn to tolerate the existence of such. Homeschooling, no matter the intentions of the parents, isolates the child to just their home-life and their personal family-culture. The judges said it damages a child if they aren't taught how to accept differences and learn how to tolerate them. There are many reasons to be annoyed by my country, but there are things that are absolutely amazing so overall, I'm still glad I was born here and not somewhere else.
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The frightening thing is it's usually the LEAST qualified parents who decide to pull their kids out of school and homeschool them. People who dropped out of high school, or who barely passed. People who can't count dimes without coming up with a five at the end of the total. People who are completely clueless about history, grammar, spelling, basic math, geography, etc. So what TF do they think they're going to be able to teach their kids? How to b***h about making minimum wage? I am really worried about a chunk of the upcoming generations being illiterate and ignorant and incapable of supporting themselves. Remember, these are the kids who will grow up to run the country one day. We might just have an actual Idiocracy in the future.
Absolutely! What you end up with are non-critical thinkers that shout their misinformation from the rooftops and claim they are being repressed and discriminated against.
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If you're physically abusing your child, sooner or later it will be spotted when they go to school. Homeschooling gets around this.
This. When I learned that homeschooling is a thing in the US (I'm not from US), this is the first thing that crossed my mind.
Load More Replies... Used to dread when a previously home-schooled child started at the school I worked in. Firstly 9 times out of 10 they were way behind in their learning, not just academically but in knowing how to socialise with other children. But also the parents were often a nightmare to deal with. One father grabbed me and threatened to punch me when I talked to him about his son's violent bad behaviour - wonder where the son got that from?
This is so sad. My sister home-schooled her older children for many years. But she was a trained teacher herself. She always made sure they socialized with other kids. I mean, kids don't normally get most of their socializing done at school. But some home-schoolers are weird enough to prevent their kids from playing with the neighbors. My sister's kids had all kinds of classes and events and things. Many friends. They were well-educated and well-behaved. They were quite energetic and expected a lot of attention, but would not be disrespectful if they were told it wasn't the right time. Their spirits were not crushed. It was the opposite. They were very full of life. So sad to hear that's the exception to the rule.
Load More Replies... This, except that its not new or growing trend. I grew up being homeschooled for a large chunk of my childhood and we moved in homeschool circles. While there are some exceptions, in my experience, most of the homeschool families did not homeschool because they genuinely believed in better education outcomes for their children. They homeschooled because a) it's cheaper b) real school is inconvenient c) they are raging against the machine (objecting to society, or opting out of it) d) it gets in the way of their dreams to travel/live of grid whatever other parent desires not served by the structure of school. Yes, there are some limited exceptions, but almost all of it comes down to parental selfishness and outcomes from the kids in my community are overwhelmingly poor.
You left out the most important one: religious wackjobs who don’t want their kids to learn about gay people or racism.
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It's called "unschooling". They claim the kids learn by doing (i.e., learn math while cooking). But most of them seem to be lazy parents who are afraid their kids will be exposed to other ways of life if they are educated, and then turn their backs on the parents life choices. (Religion, off-the-grid, whatever)
Mostly, not all. A successful approach depends on the child and the way they learn best. Most kids would not respond well to 'unschooling', some personality types find it the best way of learning and developing. It should always be best for the child.
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Yes, I understand the hype around Montessori learning and everything, but you can't let your kid choose their education without giving them the basics (reading, writing, arithmetic, basic science, etc)
When you really follow the principles of Montessori there's a lot of work involved. You have to know a lot about childdevelopement, be very observant on where your child is in it's developement and then you need to offer things from the next developemental stage to inspire, stimulate, challenge them so their natural curiosity makes them want to learn. That is why Montessori teachers have undergone extensive training.
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We homeschooled our kids so that we could do a better job. Instead of high school they went to the local community college. We knew a lot of other home school families. I think most did it to keep their kids away from information they did not agree with like evolution. Yes there are others that did it because they could not get up in the morning. In the US it is regulated by each state ranging from requiring x hours of structured learning per day to passing 3 standardized tests over 12 years.
If they went to college for high school, that’s not home schooling. It’s going to college
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It always confuses me when parents do this. They might have a reasonable excuse for homeschooling but not teaching them to read is terrible. And it always shocks me when people in their early teens aren't that good at reading
I've seen amazingly well homeschooled kids who have grown into independent, interesting, well-adjusted adults. I've also seen ones who could not read at age 15. There should be mandatory exams to check on the child's progress, and if they aren't progressing, sorry, you're off to actual school.
I have been home educated since the age of 7 ; but I followed proper subjects and curriculum, and all the while doing and learning stuff that wouldn’t have been in school. The result of this was me gaining a gcse and a b tech 2 years early. Most aren’t like this, but I find exceptions, like me and my friend.
I know of only one couple home-schooling their child and that is only down to the child's complex special needs. They get a tutor in who follows the curriculum. That said the child does go into school for a couple of hours a week and they are looking to increase that time.
There is an extremely powerful and well-funded homeschooling lobby organization in the US. They actively fight ANY attempts to regulate them or provide oversight, including attempts to check to see if children have been pulled out of school to hide ab*se from teachers because educators are mandated reporters. These people want there to be no accountability and many politicians are happy to agree in return for some donations.
Thanks, yes, this! I think there was an episode on Last Week Tonight about this, too, and I was ... well, not really shocked because it wasn't surprising. But it certainly made the whole idea of homeschooling very ... sticky, in my mind.
Load More Replies... Unless you're a trained educator yourself, you aren't qualified to homeschool. You're setting your child up to miss important lessons of social nature and you probably aren't a good teacher. Public Schools aren't perfect, especially in the south, but it's better than mommy teaching little Susie that evolution isn't real.
Homeschooler here- I was homeschooled for religious purposes, and there was definitely neglect in my curriculum. I’ve been going through 4th grade science on Khan academy. I’m in my 30’s 😑
In all sincerity- good for you for taking the initiative and doing the work to close gaps
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THIS. I am homeschooled and this is infuriating. My parents have taken the time to educate me but my aunt and uncle have not taken the time to educate there kids and it is down right frustrating to see it. I have become increasingly embarrassed to say that I am a homeschooler because of this
Homeschooling is way too free-range. We need a lot more oversite and regulation. Terrible things happen behind closed doors.
My siblings and I were homeschooled for years. They're pretty smart and I'm dumb. So maybe there's truth to this. 😅
I agree with this. My two girls are homeschooled and follow a very strict curriculum. They are allowed to go at their own pace but at the end of the day have to finish the daily tasks. Both are able to read beyond a college level and are doing college level math. Plus they do all their work in about 4-5 hours. If you do it right... home schooling is the best!
25 years ago the state of Indiana Department of corrections began doing their future facility planning by looking at the reading scores of the state’s third graders….. and it proved to be deadly accurate.
It's probably a little better than actually teaching them that the world is flat and only 2000 years old.
That method is actually called unschooling and does have its place. It's basically child-led learning, and it can be very effective in early childhood. I used it for my kids until they went into regular school. I still do it to supplement their regular education.
“Until they went to regular school”? That’s called letting them be preschoolers
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In the US, it's called "unschooling" and some states even allow this, zero curriculum or any kind of standards. In my state, it is more strictly regulated, but this unschooling, literally teaching nothing to your kids, and expecting "life will teach them everything they need to know". Florida is one such state, from my understanding.
What really sad is the number of students graduating high school from the public sector that cannot read or read at approximately a fourth grade level. Their math skills are non existent and lets not even talk about science/social sciences. The public school system is a joke. Yes, there are exceptions - there are some exceptional students coming out of the public system as some that have been home schooled.
Wow! This os SO wrong. This is misinformation at its best. Home schooled children blow past publicly educated children by leaps and bounds and get accepted into every college they apply to. Your hate doesn't mean truth.
My mother taught high school. Constantly had kids who had been homeschooled up until then. Half of them couldn't even read. And there were good public and private schools in the area, so there wasn't an excuse of "schools are too dangerous." It was about arrogant religious people who cared more about keeping their kids indoctrinated than actually getting them an education. And when Mum couldn't get these kids to the same as their peer level in a year, the parents would blame her as being a bad teacher.
Load More Replies... Not that your point is ill-taken, but do you know how many kids in regular schools also can't read, write or do arithmetic properly?
That's because the US educational system is so terrible. Move to a civilised country and see how kids get educated.
Load More Replies... Or, recognize that all kids should have the option of participating in society when they grow up, and that requires certain basic skills
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I hate when people dress up their baby girls in outfits a woman should be wearing. Like there are little girls outfits that are adorable and meant for a little girl. But no little girl should be wearing a body suit and ripped jeans or a crop top and low rise bellbottoms, it gives me the creeps.
It's so weird to me, because you KNOW those clothes are super expensive and the kids are going to grow out of it in a month or so
Moms and dads often do not follow a specific parenting style. In the United States, for instance, a nationally representative survey of parents with children younger than 18 conducted by the Pew Research Center revealed that when asked about their parenting habits, including whether they tend to be too strict or too lenient, excessively praise or criticize their children, be overprotective or grant too much freedom, and push their children too hard or not enough, a considerable percentage of respondents ranging from 34% to 53% reported that neither option accurately describes their parenting style.
Additionally, almost the same number of parents are either trying to raise their children in a similar way as they were raised (43%) or differently (44%).
Not teaching children proper manners/behavior
Please and thank you go a long a*s way in this life.
Also not helping kids with conversation skills. Conversation usually goes back and forth. With no phones involved.
Do gender reveals count? Lighting things on fire, blowing things up and potentially injuring a family member all in an display of obsession over the genitals of your fetus is cringy at best and a small scale natural disaster at worst.
I'm always willing for a gender to be revealed. But instead, it's always those same two genders that everyone already knows about!
Making your child's entire identity revolve around their extracurricular activities. Let them be kids, not robotic machines for your bragging rights.
Also don't force your unfinished dreams on your kids. They are separate individuals not your extension.
I guess this is kinda specific, but my son is autistic, so it applies to me. I hate the “Autism Mom” thing. The t-shirts, the unsolicited “advocacy”…it seems like an attention seeking thing to me. My kid has autism, ADHD, and anxiety, and it takes approximately 5 seconds of being around him to notice. I will fight for him always, of course, but I won’t use him as a badge either. I won’t hide his diagnosis from him, but I won’t let him use it as an excuse either.
And some of those shirts get borderline threatening too…”If you want to know fear, fight an autism mama bear”…or something like that.
Talking about the main factors that make parenting trends popular (regardless of their effectiveness), the author of the post believes the internet is arguably the main culprit.
"I think most parents get their ideas on how to raise kids from social media. It seems like a significant proportion of the user base on various platforms is over the age of 30, so it makes sense," The_WhiteMantis said.
Pranking your kids or playing jokes on them. Not all kids understand it’s a joke and it really upsets them. I hate seeing videos of parents thinking it’s ok to throw things at their kids or make them do dumb stuff for amusement. Like the cheese challenge thing. Throwing food at babies….awful behavior.
Not exactly a trend but: having like 5+ kids and forcing the older ones to basically raise the little ones. i know that sometimes the parents are not well informed about contraception, but it’s still not the kids’ problem! it’s one thing to have them help once in a while, but anything that stops them from living their own lives to raise YOUR kids is just ridiculous.
for example: not being able to take an extracurricular activity because they have to be home watching their siblings.
Confusing gentle parenting with permissive parenting.
You can be both gentle and authoritative. Authoritative is *not* authoritarian; it is the role of a parent to provide structure and boundaries for their children while also allowing them to feel their emotions and deal with the ups and downs of being a kid. Go ahead and soothe your children when they are upset and give them a safe space to calm down but you do not have to cushion their world for them in order to avert a meltdown.
According to C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital National Poll on Children's Health, most parents of young children (80%) indeed say they use social media to discuss parenting topics.
Looking deeper, more mothers than fathers use social media to look for parenting advice or information (84% vs 69%) or share their experiences (63% vs 42%).
Never telling your kid no. You’re creating a monster that is going to ruin your life some day. Boundaries and consequences are essential to any kid- well human even- being successful in the world we live in.
Not just your life, but the lives of everyone else they will ever come into contact with. It will not be pretty when their future boss tells your now grown kid no they cannot do some harebrained c**p idea they come up with, and they proceed to throw a full red in the face meltdown tantrum because of it. Boss will just fire their a*s on the spot. You want to end up supporting your kid for the rest of your lives after they burn through every job they ever got with their spoiled brat behavior? Fine. Then never tell them no. But if you ever want to have your kid be a gainfully employed, self-supporting adult, then tell them no when you don't want them to do, say, have, take, touch, eat, drink, walk over---you name it---something that will end up hurting them, you, and anyone or anything else. Teach them how to live in the real world. That's your job as a parent.
“Gentle parenting” b***h hold your kid at the doctor if they need a test done. “I don’t think she wants to do this test/use this medicine” B***H SHE NEEDS IT. (I work in a doctors office).
Loud cartoons and games on tablets in public places.
Same with toys. Why kids toys “need” to be loud is beyond me. Why do they have three volume settings but they’re all too dang loud? The Leapfrog reader books are a good example. It’s a wonder parents of toddlers and young children don’t have hearing damage from how loud their kid are and how loud their kids toys are.
Experts aren't surprised.
"I think this data reflects what we've seen over the past few years," said Titania Jordan, the chief parenting officer of Bark, a parental control app that allows parents to manage their kids’ digital worlds.
"Parents are reaching out more and more for advice on social media for three main reasons: Convenience, new technology, and different ways of parenting."
Parents not having even minimal standards for their children’s behavior, and expecting other people to be alright with it. I really don’t care that he is having “big feelings.” He is lying in the aisle of the supermarket, screaming at the top of his lungs, having a full blown tantrum because you said no. Grow a pair.
While I do agree with the sentiment, this is not a good example. The child is screaming, because their parent is setting up standards. Standards like "I won't buy you anthing you fancy". And toddlers can't deal with those kind of emotions in a different way. They only learn it through experience. And what exactly are you supposed to do with a child to immediately stop a tantrum (if you don't want to cave in every time)?
Giving them "unique" names.
Driving your kids 200m to school.
Yes right, for safety reasons. And then driving like crazy and endangering other kids on the school ground...Where I work as a teacher this becomes more and more of a problem. Kids aged 13-16 with only short commutes, lots of bike lanes and great public transport. Wouldn't be necessary. I do understand it depends on the schools location and country. But here this just isn't necessary...and driving together with bikes or tag along in the bus would be good from a social aspect as well...
However, Jordan has concerns. "It’s not all roses. There is a ton of misinformation out there, and just because another parent is talking about something, it doesn’t mean they’re knowledgeable."
And this thread proves it.
I’m gonna go in a little bit of a different direction: parents not watching their own behavior when it comes to screen time, frustration tolerance, discipline, etc.
You’ve got to dig deep and figure out how to role model the behaviors you want your kids to do. If you are on your phone 24/7 and throw a fit every time the slightest thing inconveniences you you aren’t gonna have a good time with your kids doing anything different.
I disagree with ALL trends. Parenting is not supposed to be trendy. Figure out what works for you and your family and do that, but don’t expect everyone else to do the same.
Taking your kids to a restaurant and putting screens in their hands. How are kids going to learn how to behave in polite society if you don’t train them how to behave in social situations?
The lack of discipline and manners taught to the kids. I get soft parenting, I'm on board with no hitting and all of the abuse but kids still need to learn boundaries about what they could and couldn't do.
Went to a friend's plc and her 4 yr old starts screaming at me, freaking tf out, I'm like what's going on? My friend says " she wants your scarf. She won't stop screaming until you give it to her." Sorry..what??
Being overweight and allowing your children to follow the same path of obesity.
(Yes I get sometimes it's genetics, but genetics is not why appx 1/3 of Americans are obese and why the rest of the world isnt).
The sad beige mom trend. If you want to make the rest of your home sad and beige, that's up to you. But my God! Please let your child's nursery have some colour for their own development and well-being.
Child vlogging, its a bit weird tbh and I feel like things are gonna go to s**t for the parents when the kids become adults.
Weird orthorexic parents who make their entire personality their kids' hundreds of allergies . Gluten free, dairy free, nut free , meat free . EVERYTHING FREE! I’m sorry, I do not believe them .
I have celiac disease, I cannot understand why anyone would go gluten-free if they didn't have to. I miss nice bread so much!
Lawnmower parenting. Not only do they hover over their kids, they mow down anyone who does something they don't like. They're the "you can't wear that shirt where my kids might see it" and "you'd better allow my child into this 21+ establishment but not show them anything inappropriate" type.
Lawnmower? Thats new! Makes a lot of sense sadly :/ poor kids
Those “boy moms” that are grossly obsessed with their baby or toddler boys. Ew, f**k out of here with that emotional incest s**t.
Not (sensibly) challenging their comfort zone. How are they supposed to grow self-confidence when they're never challenged?
Can i add? Vice versa challenging it too much and making the kid uncomfortable or not accepting their no because 'their a kid'... kids need to learn to step out of their comfort zone yes but they also need to learn that if they are in an uncomfortable situation they are free to decline.
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Late toilet training is my pet peeve. Kids going to preschool in diapers.
My cousin just did not seem to care about it, I think they just straight up told him he couldn't go to kindergarten w/ a pull-up, and he was like 'ok'. They bought him a toy for no more accidents and that was it.
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Constantly yelling at your kids. My s****y neighbour screams at her kids all the time, tells them all sorts of horrible things. Recently tho I heard the 14 year old scream at his mum "your a f*****g horrible mother" I was actually kinda proud of him
Religion: It is like a d!ck. It is ok to have one and it is ok to be proud of it. But don't air it in public, and don't force it onto children. I get it, you may have been brainwashed into believing in fairytales as a grown up, but please don't pass that on to the next generation. Teaching children good values and how to behave properly, can be done without threatening them with torture, or adding some kind of Devine authority into the mix. Religion does not have the patent when it comes to knowing how to behave, it has just highjacked some good ideas that is helpful when it comes to how to act around people (this is evident from the fact that some of the worst a$$holes can be "faithfull" Christians, and that there are good people amoung the atheists too). Let your children make up their own minds when it comes to how they see the world, instead of installing your own default software in them and letting the virus spread.
"...instead of installing your own default software in them and letting the virus spread." LOL! 🤣 I was initially raised Catholic, but saw some of the contradictions as a young child. This led my mother to question some of her religion's practices. Neither of us feels there's any good reason to be 'instructed' by other people in their viewpoints of a so-called faith, which is exactly what it's been for millennia. My now-wife respects this and accepts it, and I merely try to be a good contributor to society without the shaming and ostracizing that 'organized' religion keeps trying to force upon all of humankind in the name of their 'god' or 'belief' systems. Religion is ultimately a poison used to shame and coerce others, typically to hateful and divisive ends. The many documented versions of the Bible are an excellent example of how imperfect and bias-driven so-called organized religion ultimately is.
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This is so weird, I wrote about this under the above post about wholesome news, I keep getting a glitch on listicles lately. The first item always reads (Function) and the rest of them cut off after 10ish words. Anyone else having this?? Tech pandas, any advice?
I don't remember what exactly the doctors wanted to medicate him for. I think it was more for issues related to his condition, not the aspergers itself.
Late toilet training is my pet peeve. Kids going to preschool in diapers.
My cousin just did not seem to care about it, I think they just straight up told him he couldn't go to kindergarten w/ a pull-up, and he was like 'ok'. They bought him a toy for no more accidents and that was it.
Load More Replies... Constantly yelling at your kids. My s****y neighbour screams at her kids all the time, tells them all sorts of horrible things. Recently tho I heard the 14 year old scream at his mum "your a f*****g horrible mother" I was actually kinda proud of him
Religion: It is like a d!ck. It is ok to have one and it is ok to be proud of it. But don't air it in public, and don't force it onto children. I get it, you may have been brainwashed into believing in fairytales as a grown up, but please don't pass that on to the next generation. Teaching children good values and how to behave properly, can be done without threatening them with torture, or adding some kind of Devine authority into the mix. Religion does not have the patent when it comes to knowing how to behave, it has just highjacked some good ideas that is helpful when it comes to how to act around people (this is evident from the fact that some of the worst a$$holes can be "faithfull" Christians, and that there are good people amoung the atheists too). Let your children make up their own minds when it comes to how they see the world, instead of installing your own default software in them and letting the virus spread.
"...instead of installing your own default software in them and letting the virus spread." LOL! 🤣 I was initially raised Catholic, but saw some of the contradictions as a young child. This led my mother to question some of her religion's practices. Neither of us feels there's any good reason to be 'instructed' by other people in their viewpoints of a so-called faith, which is exactly what it's been for millennia. My now-wife respects this and accepts it, and I merely try to be a good contributor to society without the shaming and ostracizing that 'organized' religion keeps trying to force upon all of humankind in the name of their 'god' or 'belief' systems. Religion is ultimately a poison used to shame and coerce others, typically to hateful and divisive ends. The many documented versions of the Bible are an excellent example of how imperfect and bias-driven so-called organized religion ultimately is.
Load More Replies... This is so weird, I wrote about this under the above post about wholesome news, I keep getting a glitch on listicles lately. The first item always reads (Function) and the rest of them cut off after 10ish words. Anyone else having this?? Tech pandas, any advice?
I don't remember what exactly the doctors wanted to medicate him for. I think it was more for issues related to his condition, not the aspergers itself.
