Woman Catches Babysitter Right After She Took A Shower At Their House, Blows Up At Her
“Don’t cry over spilled milk!” And in this case, don’t shower either.
When parents hire a new babysitter, they are putting a lot of trust in that person. Moms and dads are handing over their entire worlds when they leave their children in the care of a sitter, so it’s understandable that they might feel uneasy at first. But babysitters should also understand the boundaries that come along with being in someone else’s home. It may not be the most traditional job, but babysitting is certainly still work. And I don’t think most of us would be comfortable showering at work or in our employer’s home, especially after only working there for two weeks…
3 days ago, one mother reached out to the “Am I The [Jerk]?” subreddit wondering if she had a right to be upset after finding out her babysitter had showered in her home. Below, you can read the full story, as well as some of the replies from readers who started theorizing about what may have actually happened. Feel free to let us know your thoughts on this situation in the comments, and then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article featuring babysitter drama, check out this story next.
After finding out that her babysitter took a shower in her home, this mother is wondering if she had a right to be upset
Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo)
Image credits: RODNAE Productions (not the actual photo)
Later, the mother clarified some more details about the situation
Image credits: throwaway6477764
Babysitting is an interesting job that often has blurred lines of what is appropriate at work. For example, parents often tell you to help yourself to whatever you’d like from the refrigerator or pantry, and you might wear very casual clothes to be running around with children all day. You may have to help the kids use the toilet or take a bath, depending on how old they are, and you might end up working until about three in the morning when parents are out partying. It is certainly very different from working a traditional office job. But I have to say, I have babysat countless times for various families, and even after coming to the same home for a year, I don’t think I would have ever been comfortable helping myself to a shower without asking.
If something out of the ordinary happens while babysitting, it is always crucial to inform the parents. There should not be any surprises when they return home. If there was a mess in the kitchen with spilled milk and you manage to clean it all up before they return home, you don’t have to tell the parents immediately. But if there is such a big mess that your clothes are drenched in milk and you feel the need to take a shower, the parents probably want to know. Especially the mother, in this case, who noted that she has been the only one in communication with the babysitter.
Not to mention the fact that helping yourself to a shower in someone else’s home would feel completely inappropriate to many people in the first place. It feels quite intimate to use someone’s shower, find and use one of their towels and take time away from the children when you’re supposed to be working. It may feel like you’re just hanging out with children, but babysitting is a job. And the most important things to ensure are that the children are safe and happy.
Some readers pointed out that the real issue here might not be about the shower at all
Many of the comments on this post were people suggesting or wondering if something suspicious had been going on with this babysitter and the children’s father. While it is absolutely not my place to try and dissect the situation and determine whether or not something fishy had happened, it is a good reminder to make sure that you always trust the babysitters you bring into your home.
If they’re recommended to you from someone you know and trust, that’s great. If you hired them through a company, they should have had proper training and background checks run on them. But at the end of the day, trust your gut. If you feel uneasy around them, there is no way you will feel comfortable leaving your kids around them for hours on end.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments. Have you ever had a babysitter try to take a shower in your home? How would you react if one of them did? Then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda article featuring drama with a babysitter, look no further than right here.
While others told the mother that she handled the situation poorly
I don't understand why she was confused before learning her husband was home. She got dirty and used their shower, what's confusing about that? Is the sitter also required to inform her when she's using her bathroom? If the husband and nanny's presence together seemed suspicious to her - she should have talked to her husband about it. If the problem is actually only in the nanny taking shower in her house - that's absolutely unreasonable.
I think she was confused because the nanny taking a shower without any other adults being at home would imply the kids being alone. She probably got pissed she was paying someone to take showers while the kids are playing by themselves :)
3 and 5 is definitely old enough to be alone for 5 or 10 minutes while the sitter showers unless the kids have certain developmental or behavioral issues. How do people think single or stay at home parents do it? I'm a single parent, went to college to study early childhood education and development, AND worked as a nanny. Oh, and I've employed sitters and nannies as well. Even if the dad wasn't home, putting the kids in the playroom or on front of the TV for a bit to shower is totally fine. In fact, it's developmentally important for kids in that age range to have short periods of unsupervised play time where they can engage in imaginative play without censoring for adults, or being able to ask for adult help or intervention with any problems they encounter (disagreements, not knowing how a toy or puzzle works, etc.)
Most of the time, people take 15-20 minute showers which is not ideal if you are babysitting. I know in the western countries many people are afraid to leave their children unattended for 20 mins (seen this in the comments on other Reddit posts where a parent would leave a child for like 20+ mins). Also, you are the parent not the babysitter. Babysitters should not leave the kids unattended at all really because if something were to happen within those 20 mins it is on them. (I babysat a lot). Also you just don't take showers at the family's house, especially if you were working there for only 2 weeks. If the dad is there, go home to shower. What she did was weird and what makes it even stranger that her hair took 6+ hrs to dry.
Go home to shower... so you expect her to get into her car covered in milk? No way I would do that; once you get milk in your car it is going to smell like spoiled milk and it would be very difficult to get the smell out! No, the weird thing here is being upset that someone used your shower after your kid spilled milk on them. Totally OP's right, but still weird.
The dad was there, she can go home. Plus, like in my other comments, she really didn't need an actual shower. A change of clothes and a wipe down will do. Happened to me multiple times and it worked perfectly.
Agree! :)
But the kids weren't left alone. Her husband was there. Which is slightly suspicious in itself.
Yeah, but she specified that she got confused *before* finding out the hubby was there (I think that's Casey was wondering). Anyway, the story is messed up :)
She wasn't confused. She knew IMMEDIATELY that her husband was home. She stated that she thought it was "inappropriate" for her babysitter to use the shower and that the babysitter should have texted her first to get HER permission. She then stated that they (she and the babysitter) continued to argue because she didn't think it was appropriate. This OP is being a complete b***h here! And then she threatened to withhold part of her pay because of this! The babysitter should've told her she would not be returning and that the OP should really re-evaluate her unhinged reaction before she hires another babysitter .
Yup. Probably the husband also has to ask her permission to take a shower. Sounds like a Karen
It is her house and babysitters most definitely need to ask for permission to use something in the house they are babysitting at... A shower is not the same as using the toilet. She hired her and she is paying as far as I can tell so she is the one the babysitter answers to, not the husband. And who are you or the babysitter to deem something NOT inappropriate? OP is the one to decide that because it is her house, her kids, she hired and pays.
Woooooh you're quite the piece ain't you? So SHE is the one who decides in the family because she pays? First thing first darling : sexist. Second what kind of family did you grow in? Wtf? SHE didn't decide to hire a babysitter alone. The husband agreed to it too (or there's a big abuse problem here). She is not the only person responsible for the house here. The husband is too and has perfectly the right to allow someone to use the commodities. Third, there's something called HUMAN DECENCY, yes this is her house but if she uses that to treat her employee like s**t... F**K THIS B***H!
I don't know what kind of family/relationship you have, but if one person in the relationship is uncomfortable with something like essentially a stranger taking a shower in their house, they shouldn't be vetoed out by the other. You both have to agree on this. Human decency would be contacting the wife and 1. letting her know you are home and 2. the babysitter really needs to take a shower. Also, how was this sexist? The wife is the one who pays and hired the babysitter, she is the "boss" in that area. Sexist is allowing the husband make all the decisions and not caring about his wife being uncomfortable.
No darling, sexist here is assuming one part of the couple loses its right in the management of the family because the other pays. And da fudge is the problem with using the shower? She got the ok from one of the house owners and it's just a shower. She got dirty taking care of the kids, and even then... She asked, he said ok what's the problem?? Dude!
You are calling others sexist and yet use pet names when arguing? Darling? Wtf you for real? I had two male coworkers who did that to any female coworker who disagreed on something in the projects. They got booted out so bad. Patronizing a*****e is all I get from you and a hypocritical sexist if you are a guy and the other two commenters who you called darling are women. And your argument about one part of the couple loses its right in management is so wrong. The guy had nothing to do with hiring the babysitter, so he isn't in charge here. And you really went the whole "if the MAN in the house says everything is fine then HOW DARE the woman say she is uncomfortable and this was inappropriate decision to make without her!" Letting OP know that he is home and that the babysitter needs a shower is all that was needed for it to be fair in the relationship. He did none of that. You sound like a huge red flag so shut the f**k up before you start sounding as an even bigger a*****e.
Lol I am a girl. Not 18 yet either so this darling s**t was giving such pedo creep vibes tbh Not just sexist or whatever.
Haha they sound even worse now in my head. Listen, just honestly don't reply to them. Even if they comment something else, It will be all b******t anyway. They are either a troll or actually a delusional a*****e gives pet names to people to feel above them.
Yeah Claire agree with this. Well said.
Do you even hear yourself? You think that letting the husband make decisions for the wife after SHE was the one to hire the babysitter, with HER being the person to pay for the babysitter, is completely fine and not at all sexist? And most of all, you think it is completly fine for the husband to tell his wife what she should find comfortable? And lol, "darling"? I am not a "darling" to you. You are the one who sounds sexist here. Like a sexist, middle-aged man who thinks they can talk over women and decide what they should find comfortable and appropriate in relationships. Hypocritical much aren't you?
I get that but her husband was home, so the kids were being watched while the babysitter was cleaning up. Also OP says the babysitter said she took a quick shower, just a few minutes long. Maybe the husband was lying about being sick, then that would be the issue but if he was just feeling sick then OP was definitely in the wrong
I'd feel a little weird showering at my employer's home. I'd definitely change my clothes but that's about that....but maybe I'm just weird.
I’m with you. I would have changed my clothes and maybe taken a sink bath (dabbed water from the sink), but I wouldn't have gone for a full, naked shower. Something is not adding up.
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Your dumb
*you're
I think it makes more sense to think about this as her workplace, instead of the employer's home. She wasn't there for a social call, she was at work. Plenty of people shower at work.
Do they really? Not being sarcastic just genuinely curious bc I’ve never known anyone that showers at work, what types of jobs do that?
There's a shower in my office and I've definitely used it before. A lot of people bike to work and while usually it's fine, occasionally they've been known to fall victims of the weather conditions. People exercise on their breaks. I've also seen people take a shower after the workday was over, and change to go out straight from the office.
In any case if you can get dirty doing your work then you should have the ability to take a shower there as well. I don't know why that would be controversial. Showering is not a taboo, at least not where I live.
ppl working physically shower at work imagine mines, factories, etc. at least in my country it is totally normal then also ppl working at hospitals shower at work. they work with some nasty stuff, also potentially dangerous. we have showers at the office too but i dont think many ppl use them. i wouldnt but that is me.
Perhaps it's gotten into her hair, too.
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Your just dumb.
Am I the only one wondering why she needed a full on shower after spilling milk on herself? Like, just go to the bathroom, take off the dirty shirt, use a washcloth or wipe to get the milk residue off your skin and put on a new shirt. 3min tops and no shower needed, unless she spilt the entire gallon all over herself
Note that it was from the OP’s point of view that it was a bit of spilled milk and was likely minimized to sway the readers. We, the readers, don’t know to what extent of mess was made.
Maybe it was a whole glass splashed all over her, but if not, yeah I see you point.
Lol even then you don't need a full on shower though. Happened to me multiple times and no shower was needed. Also if the husband was home, she could have gone back to her own house, but she didn't. Makes it weird doesn't it?
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What point? That idiot doesn't have one.
What is your point? You have so many comments just being toxic trash?
She had to shower because she just had sex with the husband. Don't be naïve.
I got thrown up on on many occasions as a nanny and only changed my clothes. Never had to shower. Something else is going on in this situation.
Even then, you take it with the husband. You don't go ape s**t on the poor girl. Don't forget that she is the one on the short end of power balance here. She's the employee, he's one of the bosses.
I also wondered why a shower was necessary, and how much milk was involved. However, it depends what she meant by the kids spilt milk on her, this could mean they threw an entire glass in the babysitter's face & it got in her hair (if the babysitter toned it down so as not to get the kids more in trouble with their mom, or if OP toned it down to make her reaction sound more reasonable). Or, it could be by 'wet' OP means the hair was damp rather than having been washed - though that doesn't seem to tally with the 6+hrs bit, unless the babysitter was going out for hours after finishing work.
The six hours thing...was the baby sitter black? Because I am and when my hair was long it would take up to 12 hours to dry. I remember being a kid, showering before school, and my hair still being damp when I got home. Hair down to my waist back then.
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You obviously don't take showers.
I don't understand why she was confused before learning her husband was home. She got dirty and used their shower, what's confusing about that? Is the sitter also required to inform her when she's using her bathroom? If the husband and nanny's presence together seemed suspicious to her - she should have talked to her husband about it. If the problem is actually only in the nanny taking shower in her house - that's absolutely unreasonable.
I think she was confused because the nanny taking a shower without any other adults being at home would imply the kids being alone. She probably got pissed she was paying someone to take showers while the kids are playing by themselves :)
3 and 5 is definitely old enough to be alone for 5 or 10 minutes while the sitter showers unless the kids have certain developmental or behavioral issues. How do people think single or stay at home parents do it? I'm a single parent, went to college to study early childhood education and development, AND worked as a nanny. Oh, and I've employed sitters and nannies as well. Even if the dad wasn't home, putting the kids in the playroom or on front of the TV for a bit to shower is totally fine. In fact, it's developmentally important for kids in that age range to have short periods of unsupervised play time where they can engage in imaginative play without censoring for adults, or being able to ask for adult help or intervention with any problems they encounter (disagreements, not knowing how a toy or puzzle works, etc.)
Most of the time, people take 15-20 minute showers which is not ideal if you are babysitting. I know in the western countries many people are afraid to leave their children unattended for 20 mins (seen this in the comments on other Reddit posts where a parent would leave a child for like 20+ mins). Also, you are the parent not the babysitter. Babysitters should not leave the kids unattended at all really because if something were to happen within those 20 mins it is on them. (I babysat a lot). Also you just don't take showers at the family's house, especially if you were working there for only 2 weeks. If the dad is there, go home to shower. What she did was weird and what makes it even stranger that her hair took 6+ hrs to dry.
Go home to shower... so you expect her to get into her car covered in milk? No way I would do that; once you get milk in your car it is going to smell like spoiled milk and it would be very difficult to get the smell out! No, the weird thing here is being upset that someone used your shower after your kid spilled milk on them. Totally OP's right, but still weird.
The dad was there, she can go home. Plus, like in my other comments, she really didn't need an actual shower. A change of clothes and a wipe down will do. Happened to me multiple times and it worked perfectly.
Agree! :)
But the kids weren't left alone. Her husband was there. Which is slightly suspicious in itself.
Yeah, but she specified that she got confused *before* finding out the hubby was there (I think that's Casey was wondering). Anyway, the story is messed up :)
She wasn't confused. She knew IMMEDIATELY that her husband was home. She stated that she thought it was "inappropriate" for her babysitter to use the shower and that the babysitter should have texted her first to get HER permission. She then stated that they (she and the babysitter) continued to argue because she didn't think it was appropriate. This OP is being a complete b***h here! And then she threatened to withhold part of her pay because of this! The babysitter should've told her she would not be returning and that the OP should really re-evaluate her unhinged reaction before she hires another babysitter .
Yup. Probably the husband also has to ask her permission to take a shower. Sounds like a Karen
It is her house and babysitters most definitely need to ask for permission to use something in the house they are babysitting at... A shower is not the same as using the toilet. She hired her and she is paying as far as I can tell so she is the one the babysitter answers to, not the husband. And who are you or the babysitter to deem something NOT inappropriate? OP is the one to decide that because it is her house, her kids, she hired and pays.
Woooooh you're quite the piece ain't you? So SHE is the one who decides in the family because she pays? First thing first darling : sexist. Second what kind of family did you grow in? Wtf? SHE didn't decide to hire a babysitter alone. The husband agreed to it too (or there's a big abuse problem here). She is not the only person responsible for the house here. The husband is too and has perfectly the right to allow someone to use the commodities. Third, there's something called HUMAN DECENCY, yes this is her house but if she uses that to treat her employee like s**t... F**K THIS B***H!
I don't know what kind of family/relationship you have, but if one person in the relationship is uncomfortable with something like essentially a stranger taking a shower in their house, they shouldn't be vetoed out by the other. You both have to agree on this. Human decency would be contacting the wife and 1. letting her know you are home and 2. the babysitter really needs to take a shower. Also, how was this sexist? The wife is the one who pays and hired the babysitter, she is the "boss" in that area. Sexist is allowing the husband make all the decisions and not caring about his wife being uncomfortable.
No darling, sexist here is assuming one part of the couple loses its right in the management of the family because the other pays. And da fudge is the problem with using the shower? She got the ok from one of the house owners and it's just a shower. She got dirty taking care of the kids, and even then... She asked, he said ok what's the problem?? Dude!
You are calling others sexist and yet use pet names when arguing? Darling? Wtf you for real? I had two male coworkers who did that to any female coworker who disagreed on something in the projects. They got booted out so bad. Patronizing a*****e is all I get from you and a hypocritical sexist if you are a guy and the other two commenters who you called darling are women. And your argument about one part of the couple loses its right in management is so wrong. The guy had nothing to do with hiring the babysitter, so he isn't in charge here. And you really went the whole "if the MAN in the house says everything is fine then HOW DARE the woman say she is uncomfortable and this was inappropriate decision to make without her!" Letting OP know that he is home and that the babysitter needs a shower is all that was needed for it to be fair in the relationship. He did none of that. You sound like a huge red flag so shut the f**k up before you start sounding as an even bigger a*****e.
Lol I am a girl. Not 18 yet either so this darling s**t was giving such pedo creep vibes tbh Not just sexist or whatever.
Haha they sound even worse now in my head. Listen, just honestly don't reply to them. Even if they comment something else, It will be all b******t anyway. They are either a troll or actually a delusional a*****e gives pet names to people to feel above them.
Yeah Claire agree with this. Well said.
Do you even hear yourself? You think that letting the husband make decisions for the wife after SHE was the one to hire the babysitter, with HER being the person to pay for the babysitter, is completely fine and not at all sexist? And most of all, you think it is completly fine for the husband to tell his wife what she should find comfortable? And lol, "darling"? I am not a "darling" to you. You are the one who sounds sexist here. Like a sexist, middle-aged man who thinks they can talk over women and decide what they should find comfortable and appropriate in relationships. Hypocritical much aren't you?
I get that but her husband was home, so the kids were being watched while the babysitter was cleaning up. Also OP says the babysitter said she took a quick shower, just a few minutes long. Maybe the husband was lying about being sick, then that would be the issue but if he was just feeling sick then OP was definitely in the wrong
I'd feel a little weird showering at my employer's home. I'd definitely change my clothes but that's about that....but maybe I'm just weird.
I’m with you. I would have changed my clothes and maybe taken a sink bath (dabbed water from the sink), but I wouldn't have gone for a full, naked shower. Something is not adding up.
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Your dumb
*you're
I think it makes more sense to think about this as her workplace, instead of the employer's home. She wasn't there for a social call, she was at work. Plenty of people shower at work.
Do they really? Not being sarcastic just genuinely curious bc I’ve never known anyone that showers at work, what types of jobs do that?
There's a shower in my office and I've definitely used it before. A lot of people bike to work and while usually it's fine, occasionally they've been known to fall victims of the weather conditions. People exercise on their breaks. I've also seen people take a shower after the workday was over, and change to go out straight from the office.
In any case if you can get dirty doing your work then you should have the ability to take a shower there as well. I don't know why that would be controversial. Showering is not a taboo, at least not where I live.
ppl working physically shower at work imagine mines, factories, etc. at least in my country it is totally normal then also ppl working at hospitals shower at work. they work with some nasty stuff, also potentially dangerous. we have showers at the office too but i dont think many ppl use them. i wouldnt but that is me.
Perhaps it's gotten into her hair, too.
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Your just dumb.
Am I the only one wondering why she needed a full on shower after spilling milk on herself? Like, just go to the bathroom, take off the dirty shirt, use a washcloth or wipe to get the milk residue off your skin and put on a new shirt. 3min tops and no shower needed, unless she spilt the entire gallon all over herself
Note that it was from the OP’s point of view that it was a bit of spilled milk and was likely minimized to sway the readers. We, the readers, don’t know to what extent of mess was made.
Maybe it was a whole glass splashed all over her, but if not, yeah I see you point.
Lol even then you don't need a full on shower though. Happened to me multiple times and no shower was needed. Also if the husband was home, she could have gone back to her own house, but she didn't. Makes it weird doesn't it?
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What point? That idiot doesn't have one.
What is your point? You have so many comments just being toxic trash?
She had to shower because she just had sex with the husband. Don't be naïve.
I got thrown up on on many occasions as a nanny and only changed my clothes. Never had to shower. Something else is going on in this situation.
Even then, you take it with the husband. You don't go ape s**t on the poor girl. Don't forget that she is the one on the short end of power balance here. She's the employee, he's one of the bosses.
I also wondered why a shower was necessary, and how much milk was involved. However, it depends what she meant by the kids spilt milk on her, this could mean they threw an entire glass in the babysitter's face & it got in her hair (if the babysitter toned it down so as not to get the kids more in trouble with their mom, or if OP toned it down to make her reaction sound more reasonable). Or, it could be by 'wet' OP means the hair was damp rather than having been washed - though that doesn't seem to tally with the 6+hrs bit, unless the babysitter was going out for hours after finishing work.
The six hours thing...was the baby sitter black? Because I am and when my hair was long it would take up to 12 hours to dry. I remember being a kid, showering before school, and my hair still being damp when I got home. Hair down to my waist back then.
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You obviously don't take showers.