Son Infuriates Parents By Telling Them He Won’t Be A Carer For His Two Disabled Siblings
Despite how much one loves their friends or family, sacrificing certain things in life—getting an education or starting a family, for instance—in order to care for them might not be something they’re willing to do.
This redditor wasn’t willing to give up his future so he can be a carer of his two siblings with disabilities. Unfortunately, his parents couldn’t see his point of view, as they’ve always viewed him mainly as someone who’ll care for their other two children in the future.
Family members often become the carers of people with disabilities
Image credits: SHVETS production / Pexels (not the actual photo)
This young adult refused to be the carer of his two disabled siblings
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: GateInteresting8910
Nowadays, there are tens of millions of people providing care for those in need of assistance
Image credits: Marcus Aurelius / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Be it a family member, a friend, or other person they provide assistance for, millions of people nowadays are carers to someone with a disability. Divided between informal caregivers (individuals who are unpaid; for example, a spouse, a friend, or a family member) and formal caregivers (those who get paid for providing care), together they comprised roughly 43.5 million caregivers back in 2015, Family Caregiver Alliance reports.
Half a decade later, in 2020, the number of caregivers grew to 53 million; and by 2030, it is estimated that 73 million people (in the US alone) will be 65 years or older, many of whom will need daily assistance, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) suggests, meaning that the number of caregivers is likely to continue to grow.
Caregivers spend countless hours looking after others, and while to some it’s a job, others do it out of the kindness of their hearts. (According to the CDC, if purchased, the care that is now provided by unpaid caregivers would cost roughly $470 billion a year.) In 2023, people providing care for those in need of assistance would spend an average of 26 hours per week doing that, Guardian reports; roughly half would spend somewhere between 10 and 29 hours a week providing care, while more than one-in-four (27%) would spend as much as 30 hours or more.
Caregiving can be draining both physically and mentally
Image credits: Vlad Bagacian / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Spending 30 hours a week providing care for someone leaves a person nearly as busy as one with a full-time job. While some people are willing and able to sacrifice certain opportunities in their careers or personal lives, others simply aren’t; often because caring for another human being is not only time-consuming, but both physically and emotionally challenging, too.
A study on family health, functioning, and care burden in families with special needs children found that parents who take care of their disabled children tend to be drained physically and don’t have the energy to do the things they liked to do, nor do they have enough time for chores. Mentally they are reportedly frustrated, anxious, and angry; they feel helpless and hopeless, and worried about numerous things from medications and treatments to the effect the child’s condition might have on other family members.
In the OP’s case, the parents were focused more on the effect—or lack thereof—the child with no disability might have on his disabled siblings. The redditor wasn’t willing to skip college or the chance of starting his own family because his parents relied on him to take care of his siblings; that’s why he suggested that they find an alternative solution for long-term care. And the online community seemingly supported his decision, as they pointed out that said siblings were not his responsibility and that he was his own human, not just a part of some plan.
Netizens shared their thoughts in the comments, they didn’t think the OP was a jerk in the situation
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It's almost, and I know this will sound crazy, but stick with me, that a child is actually a fully autonomous human being with their own life and decision-making capabilities, and not a robot that you can programme to do what you want. Crazy, huh?
Wow that's crazy? Are you suggesting that they also are self-aware and can make choices for themselves? You're blowing my mind.
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I am fully disabled. Chair, caregiver and all. I cannot imagine that the disabled siblings would want this if they are capable of understanding.
Exactly, I can't imagine if they did understand that they would want that either. My sister has a carer because of a physical disability and she would hate to have family be her carer because she needs her independence. Something we very quickly learned from her!
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NTA. Friend, you know what you need to do. Change your number and block your egg and sperm donors. They never gave a tinker's damn about you, and never will. Your siblings are not your responsibility. Plans should have been in place after the birth of the first child for long-term care, and a second, much less a third, child should have never been an option. You have your own future to plan and establish. You've lost most of your childhood and teen years; don't sacrifice another second to selfish people. Cut them off now; otherwise, they will never leave you in peace.
It's almost, and I know this will sound crazy, but stick with me, that a child is actually a fully autonomous human being with their own life and decision-making capabilities, and not a robot that you can programme to do what you want. Crazy, huh?
Wow that's crazy? Are you suggesting that they also are self-aware and can make choices for themselves? You're blowing my mind.
Load More Replies... I am fully disabled. Chair, caregiver and all. I cannot imagine that the disabled siblings would want this if they are capable of understanding.
Exactly, I can't imagine if they did understand that they would want that either. My sister has a carer because of a physical disability and she would hate to have family be her carer because she needs her independence. Something we very quickly learned from her!
Load More Replies... NTA. Friend, you know what you need to do. Change your number and block your egg and sperm donors. They never gave a tinker's damn about you, and never will. Your siblings are not your responsibility. Plans should have been in place after the birth of the first child for long-term care, and a second, much less a third, child should have never been an option. You have your own future to plan and establish. You've lost most of your childhood and teen years; don't sacrifice another second to selfish people. Cut them off now; otherwise, they will never leave you in peace.
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