Hey Pandas, AITA For Not Supporting My Best Friend’s Relationship Choice?
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I am F32, and my best friend is M30. We have been best buddies for the past 9 years, genuinely loving each other in a purely platonic way. He leads a very rootless lifestyle, often traveling alone for months. I am one of only two people he keeps in close contact with.
Two years ago, he wanted to propose to a friend whom I knew was not interested in him, and I honestly shared my opinion. Despite my advice, he proceeded with the proposal, got rejected, and the woman stopped being friends with him. He took it hard and argued with me for days for being negative about his marriage intentions. We didn’t talk for 2-3 months, but eventually, we sorted things out and became friends again.
Recently, he proposed to a woman 10 years younger than him because he believes she won’t object to his rootless lifestyle
Image credits: Katelyn MacMillan (not the actual photo)
I shared my concern that she may have said yes due to his wealth and her family seeking an easy life. Again, he overreacted, used hurtful words, and accused me of being negative about his marriage.
We haven’t spoken for the past 2 months
Image credits: Eric Ward (not the actual photo)
I’m happily married and my husband knows all about what’s going on with my friendship. He’s been supportive through the highs and lows we’ve been through.
Lately, my husband has been suggesting I talk to him and try to salvage our friendship
Image credits: Farrinni (not the actual photo)
I’ll be honest, it’s not easy for me to start that conversation, especially because this isn’t the first time we’ve had issues.
It took a lot of effort to patch things up, but eventually, we got back to being good friends. Now, with another proposal and fallout, I’m hesitant to go through the same process again. AITA because I don’t support my best friend’s choice of wife?
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If he asked your opinion, and he didn’t like the answer, then, NTA. If he did not ask your opinion, and you offered it anyway, then YTA
INFO : Do you know this woman? Have you at least met her or did you offer your opinion without getting to know her personally? I know he’s already proposed, so it’s probably a bit late, but has he been travelling his “rootless” life with her as his companion? Maybe you could say sorry for saying she’s a gold digger, after all that’s what your comment about marrying for his money means. It’s only my opinion, but it’s almost as rude towards him as her. You basically implied he has to buy a wife. Perhaps you could turn your non-support into support while suggesting, gently, they have a decently long engagement. Travel together for a year or so getting to really know each other in what is his normal routine. Some people will fuss about the age difference; it’s generally true that there’s significant difference in life experience between 20 and 30, especially a well-travelled 30. However, I started dating a 26-year old at 17; I considered myself more mature than him and there was no power imbalance. I ended the relationship at 19, when he proposed under the assumption I would give up university to be a housewife. He was wrong 😂. Sorry for making this comment briefly about me, I was just trying to explain why I view large age gaps somewhat differently. At any rate, you already acted as a friend by voicing your concerns. The question is are you a strong enough friend to watch him go through with his plans, change your opinion if it turns out she’s a great companion, or be there for him if she isn’t?
Highly disagree. They may be copying Reddit's style, but at least BP isn't plagiarizing them constantly anymore. Sort of awesome to see authored content exclusive to BP.
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If he asked your opinion, and he didn’t like the answer, then, NTA. If he did not ask your opinion, and you offered it anyway, then YTA
INFO : Do you know this woman? Have you at least met her or did you offer your opinion without getting to know her personally? I know he’s already proposed, so it’s probably a bit late, but has he been travelling his “rootless” life with her as his companion? Maybe you could say sorry for saying she’s a gold digger, after all that’s what your comment about marrying for his money means. It’s only my opinion, but it’s almost as rude towards him as her. You basically implied he has to buy a wife. Perhaps you could turn your non-support into support while suggesting, gently, they have a decently long engagement. Travel together for a year or so getting to really know each other in what is his normal routine. Some people will fuss about the age difference; it’s generally true that there’s significant difference in life experience between 20 and 30, especially a well-travelled 30. However, I started dating a 26-year old at 17; I considered myself more mature than him and there was no power imbalance. I ended the relationship at 19, when he proposed under the assumption I would give up university to be a housewife. He was wrong 😂. Sorry for making this comment briefly about me, I was just trying to explain why I view large age gaps somewhat differently. At any rate, you already acted as a friend by voicing your concerns. The question is are you a strong enough friend to watch him go through with his plans, change your opinion if it turns out she’s a great companion, or be there for him if she isn’t?
Highly disagree. They may be copying Reddit's style, but at least BP isn't plagiarizing them constantly anymore. Sort of awesome to see authored content exclusive to BP.
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