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“I Have Kids”: Married Woman Struggles With Workplace Crush, Turns To The Internet For Help
Most of us spend a huge chunk of our day at work, which means we’re around our coworkers just as much if not more than our own families. When you’re constantly collaborating, tackling challenges together, and sharing everyday moments, it’s not surprising that a little work crush can sneak up on you. But when you’re happily married (and so is the other person), things can get complicated.
That’s exactly what happened to one woman, who found herself catching feelings for a coworker despite loving her husband and family. She knows it’s probably just a proximity thing, and she wants it gone ASAP. Not wanting to let this harmless crush turn into something more, she turned to the internet for advice on how to move on and keep things strictly professional. Keep reading to see what people have to say!
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
The grass isn’t greener on the other side… the grass is the greenest where you water it! So water it with your husband and put your energy into that. You got this!
RELATED:
#2
My wife of 15 years had family members in her ear for years, telling her that she could do much better.
I've no doubt that she could. She could also do much worse.
We divorced after she cheated with a childhood love. He would be everything she ever wanted - a lot younger than me, muscles, a man's man, exciting. He romanced her and those happy and addictive chemicals that all sexual relationships experience in the beginning were causing her to feel alive again.
I can understand that. She'd had four children with me and I was just Mr Reliable. That's nowhere near enough when you spend your days on social media and give ear to wicked people. She was missing out.
Well, I was missing out as well. But I took the incessant criticism from her and her mother. I took the false accusations and comparisons with real men. I turned away those women who would destroy my marriage without conscience.
This man she's with now?
The chemicals have gone. The lust has gone. The excitement has gone. The ILLUSION has gone.
Police are regularly at their house. She's since cheated on him with others (she told me this) and thrown it in his face. It's a mess and her mother hates the man she left me for, though that's no surprise. I've met him and he's a decent enough sort. My ex-wife would have lied to him about our relationship - she's highly narcissistic.
Our family was torn apart for an illusion. Please don't be deceived by your imagination or any other source. Talk to your husband. Talk with your husband.
This isn't Hollywood. This is real life.
#3
You are getting his perfect self. Some people are a nightmare once the honeymoon period is over and you see them under pressure behind closed doors.
Your kids are no.1 before you. You owe them as much stability as you can give because people in this world will try and harm their progress when they are older so they don’t need the bs of a broken home.
If this guy is so great why can’t he be loyal to his wife and kids? If he’s not loyal to his kids he won’t do it for you.
Having a crush at work or even a full-blown workplace romance is way more common than you might think. Sure, it might be an HR nightmare, but it happens all the time. According to a Forbes study, over 60% of adults have had a workplace romance. So, if you’ve ever found yourself blushing at a Slack message or enjoying inside jokes a little too much, you’re definitely not alone.
So, why does this happen? Comfort and convenience play a huge role. When you’re spending most of your day with the same people, it’s natural to form close connections. Plus, with busy schedules and little time to meet new people outside of work, colleagues often become the most accessible option for companionship. A shared workplace experience creates a bond, even if it’s just friendly or professional.
#4
Find an ick about him. Every time you look at him think about the ick and nothing else.
#5
By being honest with yourself and acknowledging that you have a crush on said person and then remembering how much you have to lose by giving in and letting a single, regrettable action take control of your mind.
If your partner is giving you 80% and that 20% is what you’re craving, think critically and understand that you will be left with 0% when it’s all said and done.
Tara L. 3 months ago
I quit a job once because I was crushing on a married man. I hate cheaters & will not be a homewrecker wh0re. I could have controlled myself & just ignored my feelings because I'm an adult but it was just a temp part time job while I worked through college so quitting & finding something else was easier.
#6
I once had a powerful crush on a mom sitting in the lobby of a physical therapist's office where both of our kids were receiving treatment. In five minutes of talking I was getting butterflies. When I look back on it I realize that while she was lovely it was not about her-- it was being in a stressful place for the sake of a kid in need, and that pressure made me emotionally ready for an outlet.
I would say the same thing about your workplace crush-- it's not that the person isn't attractive, but the crush is not really all about them. It's about your work and the rest of your place where you may be feeling cramped or not alive. So don't try to get a "silly" crush "out of your system"-- your body and mind are telling you something worth hearing. It of course does not mean acting further on it, either. But don't shame yourself. Sit with it.
When I was able to figure out that lobby moment I shared it with my wife, and it was something to bond over (because we could both relate to that impulse while having enough distance to know that wasn't our deepest feeling). Crushes are fun as what they are-- just crushes-- and only turn toxic when they represent a fantasy escape, a reason for deception, and ongoing shame.
On the flip side, workplace crushes aren’t always just fleeting distractions—sometimes, they lead to something real. In fact, people are more likely to meet their future spouse at work than on a dating app.
The Forbes study found that 43% of people who date a coworker end up marrying them. So, statistically speaking, you’re twice as likely to marry someone from your office than from Tinder or Bumble. Who knew the break room could be a better matchmaking service than an algorithm?
#7
I just acted on a work place crush- 100% not worth it. I’m recently separated, naive and horny. The AP was supposed to be in a non committed open relationship- he’s got a baby on the way and has been lying to everyone in the office- dudes been here for 6 years. I wish I never did it/ it’s embarrassing and distracting. You will absolutely wish you could go back in time and not act on it.
#8
You establish good boundaries. If I find someone I work with attractive, I make extra sure to only communicate about work issues. I don't talk about personal stuff other than mentioning my family from time to time. I don't go to lunch with them, don't communicate outside of work hours and only through business channels. I imagine my partner is listening to every conversation.
#9
I would start dating your husband again. Sounds like you need to take your focus off this and put more focus into your relationship and your intimacy with your husband.
But if you’re already married and find yourself crushing on a coworker, things get tricky fast. That’s when it’s time to take a step back and figure out what’s really going on. While a harmless attraction is normal, letting it grow unchecked could lead to emotional complications you don’t want or need in your life.
#10
By realizing that the person you’re crushing on is in your head. They’re a fantasy. They would forget to take out the trash and close the cabinets. They would nag you about putting your dishes up. They might yell when angry and comfortable with you. They’re probably dull when they run out of stories you haven’t heard. The picture in your head of them is pure fantasy and the reality is multiple ruined lives.
Easy to not give in to temptation when you realize the thing tempting you doesn’t even exist and that the cost to get it is your entire life you’ve built over multiple decades.
excessive-pooping:
Yes. And even on the lust-front it's a fantasy. I had a work crush and we kissed, then it became a looong firtation and foreplay situation. When it finally happened, it was disappointing and not at all what it built up to be. He was not attentive, not a good kisser, not a good lover, and not very passionate. It was a few months of pingponging between lust and reality before it actually hit me and I could see it more clearly. It helped to repeat this in your head over and over and to separate facts from fiction. It's just blind desire. But it takes time to get over it, I will give ya that.
What also helps to stop obsessing: set boundaries in your head when you're allowed to think about it, keep to them, stay busy and focus on your own life.
#11
Realizing that if the person you have a crush on is willing to cheat on his wife, he will absolutely cheat on you too. Plus....he is willing to cheat on his wife and ruin two marriages with kids involved on both sides.
PS: That goes for him in the reverse too...Re: You.
#12
Your marriage may be lacking intimacy. You’re likely thinking about intimacy with the coworker. He’s something new and your husband is familiarity. Coworker is interesting, unknown, and hubby is the same everyday.
Bring back real intimacy to your marriage and you will never have these thoughts.
Good luck.
MurderMittens 9 months ago
Some husbands don’t have time or energy for intimacy with their wives. And they won’t talk about it or go to a doctor. And maybe they don’t even like to cuddle.
Psychologist Mert Şeker, in an article for Mariage, explains, “Developing feelings for someone else while married is not rare and can happen to anyone. Marriage, involving both emotional and physical bonds, can sometimes face turbulence due to various factors."
"Such external emotional attachments often highlight unmet needs or deficiencies in the marriage, offering a chance to address and resolve these issues within the marital relationship.” In other words, if you’re catching feelings, it might be worth checking in on your own relationship, too.
#13
The very best way I have found is to speak boundaries into existence.
"We need to keep this more professional, we are both married"
I find works quite well.
#14
Keep every conversation about work and if it ventures into personal life make everything about spouses and children. I get approached by women at the gym and you can tell they want to flirt. I’m polite and bring literally everything back to my family and amazing wife. I find that people stop the forbidden crush when they start hearing about stuff like that.
#15
Get your head straight. This isn't about the crush; it's a sign you need to address unmet needs in your marriage. Focus on nurturing that energy into your family, remind yourself why you chose them, and strengthen those connections. You’re playing with fire here; don’t let momentary thrill jeopardize everything you've built. Remember, the allure of a crush is just an illusion; reality shows what’s truly valuable in life. relationship instead of indulging this fantasy. Set boundaries at work and keep conversations strictly professional—there's nothing attractive about chaos or damaged relationships. Redirect that.
That said, if you find yourself crushing, don’t be too hard on yourself. Having a little attraction to someone new doesn’t mean your marriage is in trouble. Sometimes, a crush is just a passing phase—the more time you spend around someone, the more normal they start to feel, and the spark naturally fades.
The key is to reflect on how you feel. If the crush disappears on its own, great! If it sticks around and starts taking up too much mental space, it might be time to come up with a game plan.
#16
Sometimes it’s helpful to notice if the strength of the feelings track with your ovulation cycle. If that applies to you, it may help you frame it as impersonal, temporary hormone stuff.
Also, put as much physical and social distance between you as you can.
#17
- Avoid him as much as possible without being weird.
- Find things you dislike about him and get worked up about it more than you'd usually do. Actively destroy the idea you have of him in your head.
#18
Remember why you fell in love with your husband and focus on rekindling that spark. Try and understand that everything passes and you’re just attracted to the newness. You don’t really know him.
The first step to handling a work crush is to acknowledge your feelings. Be honest with yourself about what’s happening instead of brushing it aside. Recognizing the situation for what it is can help prevent it from growing into something more than just a passing attraction.
#19
I read somewhere that having a crush is more of a projection of what values you admire in a person- something that you would want to embody too. If you think it this way, it helps in separating the person from their character and you can work on this internally without fixating on them. Then, it’ll eventually fade away.
#20
Appreciate what you have and built with your husband and kids. Look at them and realize are you willing to destroy all this for a feeling. Remember your vows. Don't fall for temptation. Its not worth it. How would you feel if your husband had a work crush and acted on it. Get rid of the emotional affair asap.
#21
That kind of desire is always mystery making it seem more exciting than it is.
The truth?
Most people when you know them are pretty human. We all s**t. We all have worries. Fears. Things that are ugly about us.
Don't let your animal brain trick you.
This person is likely more boring than you know and there is a high chance you wouldn't have anything close to the relationship you have with your partner. Someone who chose to symbolically make a promise to stay with you through thick and thin.
Mystery let's our brains fill in the blanks. The blank spaces our minds fill aren't real. They are pure illusion.
Excitement can be cultivated but a partner who stays with you. That's rare.
Next, it’s important to set boundaries and keep things professional. There’s no need to be awkward, but a little distance can go a long way. Stick to work-related conversations, limit unnecessary one-on-one interactions, and avoid flirty banter that could blur the lines between friendly and something more. Small adjustments in behavior can help shift the focus back to professionalism.
#23
I am in a very similar situation. I went through a month of butterflies in my stomach every time they were near me and being unable to get them out of my head 24/7. I’ve basically cooked for the whole office just so I can make their day a little better without singling them out. In my case I believe it is anxious attachment. What helped a lot was being honest with my partner and having serious conversations about things that didn’t feel right between us. Right now I feel connected with my partner and that I feel I can look forward to going to work without the guilt I felt before. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Just enjoy the feel good chemicals you’re experiencing and consider that poor decisions made now might make both your lives worse in the future.
Taking care of yourself also plays a huge role in keeping things in perspective. Prioritizing self-care, nurturing your marriage, and engaging in activities that bring you joy can help redirect your energy.
Spend quality time with your partner, reconnect over shared interests, and focus on things that make you feel fulfilled outside of work. When you’re happy in other areas of life, fleeting crushes tend to lose their grip.
#25
Speaking personally as someone who's experienced in what you're going through.
I would change jobs. As this is your first extra marital crush, you don't have the real knowledge of what can happen if you did go all the way. (I said the same words as you about my wife and meant them)
Unless they do something to put you off its unlikely the crush will fade.
The first sign of dissatisfaction at home, he'll seem more inviting.
By trying to get over him, you'll just think about him as much and, in my opinion, it could grow tension.
Don't forget he could feel the same and give in and tell you how he feels.
Then, you have confirmation from your crush to deal with.
It's hard, and I'm not saying you can't try to forget it and move on.. but unless you've had the feelings, you're starting to have people won't know how strong it can be.
You're not a million miles away from falling in love.
I'm saying all this with 0 judgement or criticism.
Oh, do not tell your partner. You would incriminate yourself forever even if he brushes it off.
If you don't or can't change jobs, some (obvious) basics are
- don't have his number
- don't see him out of work
- try to be cold but polite
- don't get into any situation to touch
- be aware of his action towards you, don't forget he could be thinking the same
If you want to be scared straight, I'll tell you the fall out of divorce.
#26
Crushes are fun. You're allowed to have a crush and enjoy the happy feelings they give you. You are not allowed to act on it while staying true to the relationship.
I appreciate the crushes whenever they come. They add value and joy to my life. But there's a long way between having a crush and having an affair.
#27
Happens all the time. Avoid being alone with him. Avoid talking to him about personal matters, especially any problems with your spouse. Make sure you are not flirting with him. Office romances can absolutely gut a marriage and ruin families so have very strict boundaries with work friends.
And if the feelings aren’t fading or are causing emotional distress, there’s nothing wrong with seeking support. Talking to a trusted friend, therapist, or relationship coach can provide an outside perspective and help you navigate your emotions. Sometimes, just saying things out loud to someone else is enough to snap things back into perspective and reaffirm what truly matters.
In this case, the author never intended to act on her feelings—she is very happy in her marriage but just wants to move on and feel normal again. What do you think? Have you ever had a work crush? How did you handle it? Let’s talk!
#28
You’re playing with fire. If you’re hanging out together and finding ways to go out to lunch just the 2 of you then you’re really in trouble. One step away from crossing a line that shouldn’t be crossed.
If you are happy in your marriage and do not at all want this situation to conclude with an affair, you need to find a way to detach now. Even if it means finding a new job or transferring.
If you really question your feelings for this crush and things aren’t the best at home, you need to tell your spouse that you guys should see marriage counseling to get things in a better place again.
I know from experience that once you step over the boundary, it becomes so much more complicated and destructive.
#29
Imagine your husband walking into your workplace at your flirtiest moment with this man. Imagine that suddenly every feeling, conversation, thought, fantasy that you have had with this man suddenly enters your husband's mind. Use that pit in your stomach to feel disgusted by the thought of any type of non-work related relation with this man.
#30
Dangerous situation. you are close to a physical affair. YOU HAVE TO CALL A HALT TO THIS BEFORE YOU RUIN TWO MARRIAGES. Talk to boss about separating you and guy you work with. I am sure your husband is aware of something going on. Your crush is impacting your marriage weather you realize or not. Better take steps to get close to your husband again before you do something stupid. Only you can put a stop to this. Only you can save two marriages, yes I know what I am talking about.
#31
As much as you cannot control your feelings you very much can control your actions. Remember that. It’s a fantasy that comes from somewhere in your head, not necessarily a real person. It most likely won’t fade away quickly and you need to accept that feeling instead of fighting it.
In my opinion avoiding the person will only make it worse and you will end up being controlled by your feelings not the other way around. I would advise for confronting the fantasy with reality by being polite and friendly when speaking to the person, but avoiding occasion that might lead to something more: like drinks after work for example. Keep it strictly professional. The energy a crush gives you, try to use that at home. It is hard but manageable.
Binky Melnik 9 months ago
When I had a work crush, it made me want more sexy time at home. That was *great*, and it got great enough that the crush faded and I felt even closer to my spouse because of it. What I’m suggesting is to use the energy the crush provides at home instead of at the workplace.
#32
It all cools down eventually. I also like someone at work and I believe it's mutual - I can sense it and I can see her looking at me.. But work is work and you don't mix work with personal life, no matter what. Just never cross the line and it will be fine.
#33
I don't mean this with disrespect but you're and adult. This crush is a fantasy in your head, so choose to let it go.
#34
As someone whose family fell apart (for the second time) because of an affair, I'd say you should never act upon the feeling. Being the oldest child, it really messed up with my mind.
You've acknowledged the problem, and you're willing to work on it, which is good. It means you're aware of what you truly cheerish in your life, and that you want to keep it.
Now, crushes are natural. Being married doesn't mean they disappear instantly. That's not bad, and they usually don't last.
Now, what would be truly disrespectful to your partner would be acting upon those feelings. There's a huge difference between a crush, and an affair.
Think about what you could lose if you acted upon the feeling impulsively. Your partner. Your kids. You could lose all of this in a heartbeat.
There's been cases where kids end up resenting and even hating the partner who cheated for breaking down their family.
Your mental health and well being are important, but so is your family's. Therapy would be the best option you have here, in addition to reduce contact with the guy.
Remember: A crush is the idealization of a person, not who they truly are. You don't know your co-worker. You know nothing about him other than what he's shown.
Communication with your partner is key as well, and if your husband trusts you, he'd be willing to help. Sometimes it's better to adress these topics than to hide them, but that's up to you.
Don't risk what you have for a momentary feeling, that's all I have to say. A big hug for you.
#35
Oof. Just fantasize it all the way through. That's when it starts getting real. Say you two are in love you get serious and break up two families and create another family/partnership, you now have your old in-laws still in the picture bc they are your children's old grandparents..but not only that but now you have a whole other set of potential in-laws, his brothers/sisters, plus your children's aunts and uncles.... Bc they don't totally go away. any drama that effects your children effects you, it run still enter your sphere.... A whole other family to integrate into..... Not to mention when future partners of both yours and his your exes come onto the scene. Now when you consider all of this, all of these new relationships to navigate, and you really visualize it, and get some sort of emotional imprint from it, does it make you excited? Or does it just sound exhausting?😅.
#36
Think about getting caught? Think about all of the issues that can happen with divorce, possible custody battles, the money you will
Bleed.
After you think about that ask if it’s worth it? To some people it is, others, what I said would frighten them silly.
#37
Stop overthinking this. Crushes are not intellectual things, your cortex has nothing to do with this. A crush is a lizard brain thing; your body’s response to a stimulus that is completely independent of thought. So relax.
How about instead of stewing in shame over this incredibly normal human behavior, you lean into it and use it to improve your marriage? You can’t control (and shouldn’t feel guilty about) what your body responds to, but you CAN control what you do with that response: plow that energy into your husband when you get home! Just go absolutely nuts on him! Take the initiative and take what your body needs; what your body is screaming at you to give it!
Do that and report back.
#38
You're just going to have to f#ck it out. Just get it out of your system.
Just kidding. Be an adult, and just ignore it. You make choices everyday to stoke that flame, you spend time day dreaming. Don't. Just stop that. You made a commitment to your partner and brought kids into this world. Now be a G'damned adult and focus on your partner and kids.
#39
When you wake up in the morning, look over at your spouse and be grateful that someone chose you to spend their life with. He chose you.
#40
You don’t stop feeling attraction because you’re married. This is completely normal. Anyone who says otherwise is lying to theirselves.
I think you can be honest with yourself, and acknowledge you have a crush. Shame will only make it worse.
Acceptance doesn’t mean you have to act up on anything. You can have that little joy and that little excitement of your interactions with your crush and keep it to yourself. I found out, you don’t need a crush to reciprocate, to enjoy their presence or the excitement they give you.
There is no way your husband doesn’t feel a little spark when speaking to another woman that is his type. As long as he keeps it to himself and doesn’t act on it, would you mind? Probably not.
I have a long term partner and a crush on a coworker before. I enjoyed getting along with someone I thought was fun and attractive. Eventually, the excitement wore off, and now, that coworker is just a friend from work I find objectively attractive and get along well, but have no special feelings for.
Accept the fact you have a little crush, keep it to yourself, enjoy it while it lasts, and you’ll get over it.
#41
I always just think of the actual repercussions that I would have to deal with if I ever acted on that impulse. Most people who end up cheating avoid thinking of what will happen as the aftermath and only think of what’s ahead of them, I’m able to look at the bigger picture itself. I work at a gym and there is many attractive women, definitely “crushable” but when I think of following through by cheating on my SO… I can see all the pain that would be to follow. My SO will find out eventually, everything we had and the bond we shared is Gone and I could never get that back, the amount of suffering that happens when cheating just isn’t worth it in the end and I think a lot of people just try to ignore the reality of it to satisfy their immediate impulses.
#42
If the conversation isn’t work related then Always talk about your spouse. Somehow find a way to bring her/him into the conversation always speaking positively about them.
#43
Tell your husband, sometimes bringing it into the open helps anchor you in some kind of accountability to not do it. Just like a hey this is happening and I don’t like it and I’m not going to pursue it, and then maybe talk to your coworker. I believe honest open communication is always the best answer.
#44
I like dreaming … so I‘m on an other cloud
But: Focus on the stressful, annoying and negative characteristics of the person. If you can’t find any. Provoke em, you’ll find em. Repeat this and the 1x1 of the psyche will save you from your misery.
Bitte. Danke.
#45
We are human beings and this is totally normally and being friends to a certain extent is fine.
You aren’t doing anything wrong at all you have nothing to feel regretful about from what you said.
I have been in this situation and the woman and I really tried to do our best professionally together. We never said anything romantic and it was just a given that if some crazy scenario happened we would probably date, but that possibility was minuscule. (Death/Divorce)
We never did anything at all but be friends until we moved on to other jobs.
#46
I see lots of people confused about their co workers. These are people that got a job near their home, and it's close to their skill set. That's all they are. Not potential friends. Not opportunities to talk about life, the weekend, or share stories with. Emotions come into play only when you start treating work like a date. What will you wear? What will he wear? I wonder if he ended up going out of town this weekend? I'll put an extra orange in my lunch and see if he wants one. Let me check my hair before I go over to get that file. Stop all that. Get that energy outside of work. You can't control who you love, but you can control who you date.
#47
Just stop. Sober yourself and think about how hurtful and shameful it is to be thinking that way. This is real life. Grow up.
#48
What has this man done to you that makes you feel these strong emotions?
Is it love? Is it lust? Or just how he treats you?
Some men are amazing at lurking women in, they recognize that something is missing and they go for the price.
#49
Go on the infidelity subreddits and read about how people got cheated on by their spouses. That will hopefully scare the crush out of you.
#50
By being an adult who can control their impulses. You see him at his competent best not his domestic worst. Think of all the little things that occasionally annoy you about your husband at home. THATS HIM at his house with his wife.
Disconnection is real, remake it with your husband google Six Second Kiss by the Gottmans. Kiss your husband before you leave and as soon as you get home. Text him at lunchtime. Any after work activity such as drinks. Can them off. No lunches alone. If your husband isn’t going with you give all work functions a big miss. Block his contact on all social media. Unless it’s a work related text it gets muted and left on read.
If you have snap chat delete it. Ask your husband for an open phone policy to help keep you accountable. No sneaky little private chat on WhatsApp never talk about your marriage problems at work and don’t let him talk about his.
#52
It's quite common and you can't blame yourself for developing a crush on someone. It's how you act that matters. I've had it happen 4 times at work during the past 30 something years, 3 times of which it was mutual. Only the first time something more happened, but then I was single and she was already in a divorce procedure. Not something I'm proud of but s**t, or in this case hormones, happens.
The other times it wore off after time. Not completely, but enough so that it wasn't a real problem.
#53
Everyone is right about the fantasy part that image you have is fantasy.
One thing I do is categorize them as a brother or sister or other family member that would be totally the opposite spectrum in my head from the love fantasy I built up.
Be willing to suffer the feelings for some time to get over them. They will definitely influence you but make sure to do a mental check before you interact with this person or others when mentioning this person. Make sure the voice people hear has the same emotion you use for anyone, it can be a challenge.
#54
Go buy your husband and kid a gift each, to remind yourself what their happiness means to you. Then go buy yourself a gift to remind yourself of the happiness you deserve, and that it's in your control. Now go back to your office and choose how you'd like to extend your happiness in the long term.
#55
I read somewhere that your mind tend to develop crushes towards colleagues as a way to make job more bearable.
#56
Evaluate your values and family values. It sounds stupid but talking these out loud in your car before work sets the tone for the day and you'll remind yourself that this crush does not align with your values. You're not a bad person for having these feelings. Acting on them however is a different story.
#57
I dated my workplace crush for four years, two years ago, and it wasn't all it's cracked up to be. Though I don't necessarily regret it, perhaps would have been better left as just a crush. Sometimes that's the fun of it, fantasy - not so much in the reality. Just try not to dwell on it too much and don't feel to guilty, crushes happen, even to married people - as they say, just because you're married doesn't mean you're dead !
#59
I have a hard rule that I follow. It is one learned of experience, and attempted to be relayed through wisdoms passed down.
“You do not s**t, where you eat…..!!!”
Professional and personal do not mix. They are like oil and water. So, anyone enroute to or from work, or at work, at any time, is an absolute NO.
Years of following that wisdom have resulted in the ability to shrug em off. Even as a currently and willfully single man, it’s a hard no….
#60
When you start feeling like being "cute" with your co-worker, sign yourself out for lunch, go home and f'ck your husbands brains out. If he's at work, ask him to meet you somewhere and surprise him. If that doesn't sound better to you than flirting with your co-worker - get a divorce.
#61
Spice things up with your husband! Life’s too short to not have fun. Put a wig on him, try that thing you’ve always been curious about, do something you’ve never done before. People get bored by doing the same stuff day in and day out. That tempts you away from your partner. Easy solution: do something, ANYTHING, new, TOGETHER. Zero distractions, no kids, just the two of you doing something new. Doesn’t have to be sexual, but it just has to happen. Ask yourself: *When was the last time you had a* really *good date night?*.
#62
By remembering that I have a family that loves and rely on me. No little crush is jeopardizing that. Plus having a good partner that takes care of the physical side of our relationship quite well.
#63
You're married? That should be good enough to get over it.
Honestly just have the willpower to let it go. It's not worth it.
#64
I had a crush on a coworker and it faded when I saw he plays padel every day at ridiculous hours, and sometimes even 2 times a day. That’s definitely something I wouldn’t do.
#66
Imagine all the drama you’d be getting into. That would help you get that person out of your mind pretty quickly I would think.
#67
Think about everything that drives you crazy about your husband and apply it to him. You only see him at work where people are usually their best. He probably farts in bed, snores, leaves the toilet seat up, clothes strewn everywhere, maybe drinks a lot, burps, doesn't say good morning or night, can't fix anything broken, and is going to age less gracefully than others. Well, just a few more hours before I can go home from work.
What do you think ?
Mike F 9 months ago
It's all about forbidden fruit. Both of those people are in relationships and to blow up two families over a toss in the hay is unfathomable. After the newness wears off is when the rubber meets the road and both must deal with the fallout. I'm not naive enough to think that crushes don't happen, it's how one responds that tells the tale and separates feeling human beings from rutting animals. If one truly feels like it is the right thing to do, the spouse is owed honesty, if of course the spouse is being loyal themselves.
Susie Elle 9 months ago
What helped me is realising any and all extrarelational crushes I've experienced were not based on actual infatuation, but attention. I was so insecure I emotionally soared on any form of (sexual) attention from other men. It was intoxicating and once I made the mistake of concluding from that that something must be wrong with my relationship if I felt so hard about someone else. Dumbest thing I ever did was break up then. Once I realised it was about attention from my side, I mourned what I gave up for three years. I don't have this issue anymore, because I can now see it for what it is: attention-seeking. I worked on my self-esteem after and have not experienced a crush sice (aside from my bf of course).
Mike F 9 months ago
It's all about forbidden fruit. Both of those people are in relationships and to blow up two families over a toss in the hay is unfathomable. After the newness wears off is when the rubber meets the road and both must deal with the fallout. I'm not naive enough to think that crushes don't happen, it's how one responds that tells the tale and separates feeling human beings from rutting animals. If one truly feels like it is the right thing to do, the spouse is owed honesty, if of course the spouse is being loyal themselves.
Susie Elle 9 months ago
What helped me is realising any and all extrarelational crushes I've experienced were not based on actual infatuation, but attention. I was so insecure I emotionally soared on any form of (sexual) attention from other men. It was intoxicating and once I made the mistake of concluding from that that something must be wrong with my relationship if I felt so hard about someone else. Dumbest thing I ever did was break up then. Once I realised it was about attention from my side, I mourned what I gave up for three years. I don't have this issue anymore, because I can now see it for what it is: attention-seeking. I worked on my self-esteem after and have not experienced a crush sice (aside from my bf of course).
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