Dad And Daughter’s Bond Is Broken After 19YO Treats Mom With Brain Tumor As An Embarrassing Burden
Interview With Expert
Having a family member fall severely ill is not easy. But in these situations, people usually divide into two groups: those who stick by their side and help them out the best they can, and those who try to shake the responsibility and distance themselves as much as possible.
This story that one Redditor recently shared is about someone falling into the latter category. When the doctors found a tumor in the man’s wife’s brain after her accident, she was left temporarily disabled. But while he did everything he could to help her, their daughter, on the other hand, chose to ignore her mother and complain about her to others. Scroll down to read the full story!
More info: Reddit
While most people feel inclined to help a family member with a chronic illness, some would rather complain and ignore them as best they can
Image credits: Rollz International (not the actual photo)
A few years ago, a woman began exhibiting strange behavior due to a tumor, which later led her to have a terrible accident and left her temporarily disabled
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
The daughter became embarrassed of her mother and would often ignore her when she was with her and complain about it to everyone when she was not
Image credits: Rollz International (not the actual photo)
Things calmed down when the girl left for college, and the dad was relieved, but the school year ended, and the daughter decided she would return for the summer
Image credits: Monstera Production (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThrowraPhilosopher1
The mom made a lot of progress and was very excited to see her daughter, but the dad felt distanced from her and was uncomfortable with her coming back for so long
The story initially began about 5 years ago when the OP’s wife started exhibiting strange behavior. Ever since then, her and their daughter’s once close relationship started to crumble.
At first, the man wrote off the woman’s child-like behavioral changes as a midlife crisis, but six months later, she had a bad accident, after which the doctors found a tumor pressing into the wife’s brain, and everything became clear.
The mother was left temporarily mentally and physically disabled, and her husband was doing everything he could to help her through it. However, their daughter had quite the opposite reaction.
She started ignoring her mother, talking about her to her dad with her around. She also saw her as a burden and refused to be seen with her in public, all while complaining to others about her to the point where the dad got a call from school about the issue.
The OP had no idea how to deal with it, but the situation seemed to have calmed down when the girl left for college. However, the time went by, and the school year finished. The girl was planning to come back for the summer break.
In the meantime, the mother made a lot of progress and was really excited about seeing her girl again, but the dad felt uncomfortable with their daughter staying with them for this long, saying that he didn’t want to see his wife heartbroken. Feeling wrong about that, he came looking for validation online.
The commenters had a lot of advice for the OP, but generally, they all agreed that he was not the jerk in this story. Some assumed that the girl might’ve been left alone through this process, but the man explained that he did everything for her, and, if anything, it was his wife who was more alone, giving even less of an excuse for the behavior of their daughter.
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
A situation like the one that the OP’s family had to endure is definitely difficult and complicated. Since there’s quite a bit of unpacking here, we thought it would be easier with some help, so Bored Panda reached out to a psychologist, Hanan Parvez, who didn’t hesitate to answer our questions.
The expert started off by confirming that a severe illness in a family brings a ton of worry and sadness. “The family members may have to put their lives on hold to care for the ill member. They may have to divert time, attention, and energy from their own lives to the ill member.”
However, while most people naturally want to care for their families, nobody wants to put their own lives completely on hold, either. “This can create a clash and feelings of resentment on the part of caring members.”
“When a parent gets sick, a child may be required to take care of the parent because the other parent has to earn and do other things.” said Hanan, explaining that in the case of chronic illnesses, this may create a phenomenon called ‘parentification,’ which leads to resentment, as when overburdened with adult responsibilities, the child starts feeling as if they are being robbed of their childhood.
Yet when it comes to someone acting the way OP’s daughter did, the psychologist described it simply as selfishness. “They don’t want to invest the time and energy required to take care of a sick person, even if it’s a family member,” commented the expert, adding that it may also be caused by the lack of closeness between these people, but it is not the case of fearing loss or attempting to prepare oneself for it.
Summarizing, Hanan advised that if anyone ever finds themselves in this unfortunate situation of having a family member fall severely ill, the best thing they can do is take care of them, even if it means putting their own life on hold. While children shouldn’t be overburdened with adult responsibilities, even doing the little things counts. If you remain indifferent, the guilt will most likely haunt you for the rest of your life.
Ultimately, taking care of yourself is undeniably important, but there is a fine line between doing that and being simply selfish. Life is difficult enough, and it’s comforting to know that if something bad happens to you, there will be people around willing to sacrifice their own time to help you get through it. But that will never be the case if you choose to walk completely alone.
What did you think about this story? How would you have acted in the OP’s place? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
The commenters supported the poster, giving advice and agreeing that the girl had no right to act the way she did
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His daughter is old enough now to understand what her mother has been going through. Hopefully, she grew up an matured and can have some empathy for her poor mother.
Based on the OP's reply in the first comment, she hasn't matured. I would've lost it on the eye-roll and blasted her. Spend your summer break somewhere else at your own expense.
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To me daughter's behavior sounds like typical teen behavior - parents are embarrassing, and I have to act tough so no one knows that the bedrock of my life is crumbling and I don't know what to do. Dad tried, but it was obvious to daughter that even when he was with her, he really wanted to be with wife. I vote - give daughter a chance. She might have matured since you last saw her. And if not, you can ask her to leave. Of course, that will put the kibosh on any future relationship with her, and possibly with your wife, if she blames you for keeping daughter away. (I've seen it happen. Coworker had a stroke. Her teen daughter went off the rails. Step-dad banned her from visiting mom. Mom got out of hospital & divorced hubby.)
The typical teen behavior is exactly was in the book about sociopaths. That's a fact, nothing to be surprised of. It's a, let"s say 'period' in everyone's life in their way becaming adults. The real sociopath comes to light, when something like this happens. Yes, first, is the shock, for everyone. But afterwards, you see the person in need, in this case, the mother. And not your damn egoistic shít, how your mother's changed situation affects YOUR life. "ME, MNE, ME!" ... as the daughter acts ... very typic for narcissist sociopaths.
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His daughter is old enough now to understand what her mother has been going through. Hopefully, she grew up an matured and can have some empathy for her poor mother.
Based on the OP's reply in the first comment, she hasn't matured. I would've lost it on the eye-roll and blasted her. Spend your summer break somewhere else at your own expense.
Load More Replies... To me daughter's behavior sounds like typical teen behavior - parents are embarrassing, and I have to act tough so no one knows that the bedrock of my life is crumbling and I don't know what to do. Dad tried, but it was obvious to daughter that even when he was with her, he really wanted to be with wife. I vote - give daughter a chance. She might have matured since you last saw her. And if not, you can ask her to leave. Of course, that will put the kibosh on any future relationship with her, and possibly with your wife, if she blames you for keeping daughter away. (I've seen it happen. Coworker had a stroke. Her teen daughter went off the rails. Step-dad banned her from visiting mom. Mom got out of hospital & divorced hubby.)
The typical teen behavior is exactly was in the book about sociopaths. That's a fact, nothing to be surprised of. It's a, let"s say 'period' in everyone's life in their way becaming adults. The real sociopath comes to light, when something like this happens. Yes, first, is the shock, for everyone. But afterwards, you see the person in need, in this case, the mother. And not your damn egoistic shít, how your mother's changed situation affects YOUR life. "ME, MNE, ME!" ... as the daughter acts ... very typic for narcissist sociopaths.
Load More Replies...
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