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“Don’t Tell Your Mom”: 79 Times Dads Had Their Kids’ Backs In The Most Wholesome Ways
They say anyone can father a child, but being a dad takes a lifetime. A dad plays a role in a kid’s life that few others—if any—can replace.
For daughters, a dad often sets the first example of what a healthy relationship with a man looks like. If he is loving and gentle, those are the qualities she may later look for in partners as well.
Boys, on the other hand, often model themselves after their dads. If a man is caring and treats people with respect, his son is likely to grow up valuing those same traits.
But beyond the big life lessons, being a dad is also made up of smaller, everyday moments. Sometimes that even includes the occasional secret pact.
When Reddit user Tufflaw asked people on the platform to share their best “don’t tell mom” moments, dads and children alike came forward with stories that were funny, mischievous, and surprisingly wholesome. Here are some of the most memorable ones.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Haven't done this with my kids yet but I remember one from my childhood: My mom did not allow us to have video game consoles in the house. (Yes, we were deprived children.) My brother and I shared a room. He won a TV at a school party and one day I bought an N64 and several games at a garage sale. We then snuck these items into our house, and set them up in our closet. We'd been playing Mariokart, Goldeneye, and Super Smash Bros. For a couple days when my Dad walked in our room and we weren't fast enough to dump the pile of clothes over things to keep them hidden.
There was an awkward silence then the following conversation happened.
Dad: Is that a Nintendo?
Us: Yes.
Dad: Does your Mom know you have this?
Us: Probably not.
Dad: Do you have another controller?
He played with us for a while, told us not to tell mom and to this day we've all kept our secret.
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#2
My Dad took my twin sister and me to be vaccinated in secret. Eventually my anti-vax Mom found out, and she wasn’t in the best of moods.
#3
My mother is terrified of animals. However, she allowed us to have an outside farm dog. We built him the coziest dog house in our shed, insulated inside and out, complete with a giant heat lamp but we only had straw we could put in it for his bedding.
My Dad came home one day and motions to my little brother and I to follow him. We go to the shed where the dog house is. He's bought a $200 huge dog bed. We climbed in (my dad was too big to fit in the dog house) and pulled out all the straw and dragged the bed in and made it all cozy for him.
My Dad made us swear we wouldn't tell our Mom because she would flip!!!
#4
Went with my teen girls to a feminist protest march behind my ex-wife's back, she is really an old-fashioned male chauvinist. I’m supporting my daughters on their fight against gender inequalities.
#5
My mum put my family on a diet and my dad hated it.
I was catching the bus home from school and saw him at the corner dairy. I quickly got off the bus and ran into the store so I could get a ride, expecting to see him getting a loaf of bread or some milk.
But instead I see him at the takeaways counter with the worker saying "the usual? One chicken and chip lunch box?" He sees me staring and we lock eyes and he knows he's been caught. Then just turns to the worker and says "make it 2 please."
We ate in the car and brought gum so she couldn't smell it on our breath.
#6
Oh I got this.
My daughter and I are on a 10-day road trip through the American South, an AirBNB here, a campground there and one state park right outside of Jackson, Mississippi.
We’d just come from New Orleans where, among other things, we had taken a “Swamp Tour” where we were within spitting distance of some massive alligators. After 6 or so hours of driving, we decided to pitch a tent for the night by a river. At the time, my daughter was 8 years-old and couldn’t get enough swimming. The park ranger was making his rounds so we asked him if it was cool to go swimming in the river and he recommends a spot only a few minutes walk from where we were camped.
So we do just that. A couple of hours of splashing around and having fun and such and we go roast our hotdogs and retire—at which point we are treated to the most glorious lightning storm I’ve ever seen.
The next morning, we wake up and while we’re packing up camp, two local ladies start chatting us up and they happen to mention the family of alligators they had seen swimming in the river.
Horrified, I asked where. They pointed right to where we were swimming. I asked if they had seen them the day before and they said yes, same spot.
I literally looked at my daughter and said “Mommy is never to hear of this.”
That was such a great trip for so many other reasons, but that story sticks out.
#7
My dad gave in and let me rent South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut. Told me not to tell my mom.
Then my mom let me rent it again a few weeks later and told me not to tell my dad.
I never told either of them I had already seen it in the theater 😁.
#8
I was in the car with my dad one winter when he pulls into an empty car park and starts pulling mad skids on the ice.
When I questioned wth he was doing, the look on his face made it pretty clear he forgot I was in the back of the car. It made me wonder what other random stuff he gets up to when he’s on his own.
#9
Yesterday I gave my kid an oreo before dinner. he ate it. i told him don't tell mom.
mom gets home. what did you do today? "dad gave me a cookie!"
Yeah last cookie you ever get.
#10
Am the child in this situation BUT what happened is a “we’re taking this one to the grave” kinda thing.
So my mom is IRRATIONALLY afraid of snakes. She gets the creeps even seeing them on tv and she’s been this way my whole life.
My parents have this condo and for at least two years she kept laying into my dad about getting a better weather strip for the front door because there was a gap and she kept telling him one of these days we were gonna get a snake in the house. And if that were to ever happen they’d HAVE to move. Which she’s always said with 100% seriousness.
Mom is out of town for the weekend and dad is at work. I come home from a friends house to get ready for work. I close my bedroom door and what do I find but a medium sized black racer curled up behind the door. I start panicking because I have to be at work in ten minutes and what am I supposed to do about this snake? So I call them and let them know it’ll be... idk how long, but I’ll most likely be late. Now I’m not a believer but instances like this definitely make me question the possibility of divine intervention because maybe 20 minutes later my dad gets home from an overnight shift and he gets the lil guy outside.
But to this day my dad and I have an understanding that this secret goes to the grave because if mom were to ever know she wouldn’t be able to live in that house anymore. It’s been 3 years and I laugh to myself about it a lot.
Upstaged75 10 hours ago
2 summers ago summer my brother's family was in town and we were all hanging out at my parents' pool. My brother went back up to the house to get beer from the garage fridge. As he opened the door he saw a huge black snake curled up on the doormat inside the garage. For some reason he thought we were pranking him with a fake snake. 🤷♀️ So he decided the best idea would be to flick his towel towards the snake - just in case it was real. 😂 The snake was not happy to be woken from its nap by a rude man flipping a towel at it, so it reared up to express its displeasure. My brother slammed the door and ran screaming back down to the pool. 🤣 No one in my family has ever pranked anyone else with a fake snake, so I'm not sure why he thought we'd do that. But we've never let him live it down! P.S. - No one else saw the snake and it had slithered off by the time my dad went up to check.
#11
I guess it is more a series of moments, but starting around the age of 11 my dad would sometimes take me out to the back country roads in rural CO and let me drive/ give me driving lessons. We agreed to not really share this with my mom, especially the time when I was 14 and he taught me how to merge onto the highway.
Come age 15-16 and I'm the least nervous kid in driver's ed. Thanks, Dad!
#12
When I was growing up, my dad was a private pilot (but former military pilot with many thousands of hours) and would sometimes take me along. One day, mid-flight, the engine just quit and we found ourselves at 5,000 feet and steadily descending in a glide over some pretty forested land.
Turns out he had forgotten to switch fuel tanks mid-flight (there were three in the plane and you're supposed to switch between them as you fly to ensure a constant supply of fuel and proper balancing). Luckily he diagnosed the issue and re-started the engine with a couple thousand feet to spare, and we were fine.
After he got sorted and chilled out a bit, he clicked on the intercom and said, "you're not gonna tell your mom about that, are you?"
I was about 13 years old (I'm in my 40s now), and she still doesn't know. She was paranoid about us kids flying with him and that would have been the end of it. He's in his 70s and still flying. Swears that's the only time he's ever had a brain fart like that while flying. I don't know if I believe him.
#13
When I was around 16 I went to gamestop with my dad to trade in my Xbox 360 for the Xbox One. They had a deal where'd you'd get like $250 off if you traded in the 360 for the Xbone. So I saved up just enough from the weekend job I had at a chess store to be able to afford it with the deal. So we get there and it turns out I'm like a week late to the sale. I'm devastated but, my dad just covered the rest of the cost himself (I also sold a bunch of games I probably wouldn't use after which helped but he still shelled out a good $100 dollars). I got the whole "Don't tell mom" on the way home.
#14
I accidentally locked me and my son out of the house. I pulled a set of lock picks out of my wallet, and unlocked the door. My son stared at me wide-eyed and impressed, but ... “your mother *never* hears about this.”
My wife is a little sensitive to my misspent youth.
#15
During my wife's second pregnancy she couldn't stand the smell of cooking meat. Or cooked meat. Or just the sight of knowledge that meat was in the house. It got pretty rough for my oldest son and me for about a month. I am an avid meat eater. Like with every meal. 3 times a day. But my lady didn't like it so I was doing my best.
It got to the point where I would bring home cheese burgers and leave them in my car. I would come in and get my then 6 yo son and sneak outside. We were standing on the back porch during winter sneaking a quick burger giggling our butts off.
"Don't tell your mom"
Not because she would be angry but just the thought that I had eaten meat would have made her nauseous.
#16
I'm not a dad but this is a story about what my dad did for me.
It was the night the movie Eight Below was released. Y'know the one with Paul Walker and all those huskies? I was in my "I love princesses, ponies and puppies" stage of life and really wanted to watch it but the only show was at midnight. I begged my mom and dad but mom was a firm no because it would be way past my bedtime.
So, I went to bed sulking and crying. Then about half an hour before the movie, I hear my bedroom door creak open and see my dad sneak in. He walks over to me in bed and says "Go get ready we've got to leave in 5 minutes if we want to make it in time." We then snuck out of the house and got to the cinema so fast that we managed to watch the trailers too. I remeber buying a large popcorn and being mad at my dad for finishing it before the movie even began - but I look back on it now and laugh at how apologetic he was.
On the drive home, he said we had to make sure we didn't make any noise so as to not wake mom up. Made me promise and everything. But when we got home, we found mom waiting on the couch with her arms crossed (and pissed off). She was too tired to get mad and just told us to take her with us next time.
I've got a few more stories about my dad doing stuff like this with me but this is probably my favourite. My old man passed away a few years after this 'secret movie night' and I miss him terribly - but I like to remember all the good times we had.
#17
Not me, but my dad.. My mother is super strict about my dad's diet, given his family's history of high blood pressure / high cholesterol / diabeetus / etc..
Before I moved out, I remember seeing my dad's lunch that my mom packed. It was a massive ziplock bag just packed to the brim with veggies and fruits. Like... She didn't even separate it. It random things - tomatos, celery, strawberries, apple slices, broccoli, persimonn.
So naturally, my dad was sneaking downstairs at night to eat some ramen.
But my mom being sharper than a damascus blade, would notice the smallest evidence - a little tiny spring onion scrap in the sink.. Of couse she'd notice the entire ramen packaging in the trash can.
He'd just say I ate ramen. I'd say I ate it too. Sometimes we ate it together. HAHA.
#18
Not a dad but I'm talking about my dad. I recently got myself into a bad place in life. Had to leave my apartment, my relationship with my soon to be wife ended, and my job just ended. I was pretty much rock bottom and had no money. My dad spotted me large amount of money even though he isn't doing well financially at the moment. His words to me were "Use it, get back on your feet and don't tell your mother anything about this".
#19
First daughter of three, her first words were "daddy". Her mom would absolutely lose [it] if she found out. I'd work the night shift, come home to a kid that's desperately trying to stay awake to see me. I'd toss her in the warm f150, and take her out shopping for groceries or something. One night I hear voices, someone's talking. Radios off. Wth? "Mooooon!" "Mooooon! Daddy, it's the Moon!" She could see the moon. She'd been trying to get my attention. The moon is a big deal in her favorite book. She had the game, stuffed animals, cdrom, the DVD for Stella Luna, the fruit bat that gets lost and lives with birds for a while. The cdrom and DVD read the book to you, and she watched it a million times. So yeah, I never snitched. She's 21 now.
#20
Not me. My dad took my then toddler (or just a bit bigger) sister on his motorbike, she hit her chin on the tank and was a bit hurt. My dad said she mustn't tell my mom or she won't be allowed on again. So as soon as my sister walked in the door she said, "don't worry mom, I'm okay!".
#21
I don't really have anything funny with my dad so this is technically my grandfather's story. When my mom and uncle were kids (I assume under 5) my grandfather was driving them to a family event or something and as kids do my mom and uncle were fighting and bickering. My grandfather was getting more and more irritated due to their fighting and the traffic and kept telling them to cut it out. When they didn't stop he swung his arm around to scare them.
My uncle ducked, my mom didn't. She started to cry so my grandfather took her to a toy store to buy her silence with a doll. When they got to the event she immediately told my grandmother and everyone else that, "daddy hit me but he bought me a dolly."
Evidently my grandmother was not happy.
#22
When my son was 8 we built a bottle rocket launcher from some pvc pipes and a bicycle pump. At one point I thought it was a good idea to attach a metal head to the top of the waterbottle/rocket. Boy did we learn a thing or two about rocketry that day! It flew straight up for a hundred meters before crashing into the neighbours newly installed solar panels. Me and my son looked at one another for a sec before deciding that mom did not need to hear about this...
#23
We have a very strict eat at the table policy. If it is a meal, eat at the table, a snack? Eat at the table. My wife is a big driver on this and is the creator of the policy. When she is away on trips, the child and I plop down in front of the computer, throw on Netflix and eat our meals away from the table, as a family.
#24
When I was underage my dad would let me have a drink every once in awhile.
The first time he had asked me to make him a screwdriver. I said sure then jokingly said “only if I get one too!” He was like “eh, whatever. You’re 18 and not going anywhere tonight. Don’t tell your mom.”
When he passed away I was telling that story. As it turns out, mom knew the whole time. She didn’t care because we were bonding.
#25
When my mother was away with her job for two weeks. I one evening after i was laid to bed got up, and saw my dad ironing his own shirts, he looked at me and said: "Don't tell your mom that I know how to do this."
#26
My dad once looked down, looked at me, and said, "you know how your mom is. Sometimes what she doesn't know can't hurt us." He always had my back.
Unfortunately, he also had an affair, so.... secret keeping goes both ways.
#27
When I was 7 years old, my dad was instructed NOT to let me out into the yard with his American Bulldog because the dog was prone to knocking me over. I still asked him if I could play with it. He gave me a 'don't tell your mom' and proceeded to let the dog out to play. It almost immediately knocked me flat on my back on the concrete. My mom came home to find that my entire shirt and back of my pants was stained red and he was trying his hardest to mop the blood off of me. I ended up needing a few staples across the back of my head.
#28
YEARS ago, I was 15 & babysitting for a family friend's visiting niece. Their house was out in the middle of BFE and they left a car there for 'emergencies.' I had my learners permit, so myself and the kid went for a ride out near their house, as we're riding around, we pass a car that looks A LOT like my dad's. I have a slight panic moment, & pull into a random driveway to turn around. My dad pulls up right behind me. He gets out of the car, comes up to the window and leans down to me. He said, 'You take this car home and we never speak of this again. Don't tell your mom." We've never spoken about it again.
#29
Well, I'm not my dad, but he helped me buy a graphics card for $300, told me this never happened.
#30
My Dad was in the army during the Malayan Emergency. I remember my sister once asked him why he had a scar on his forehead and he told her he was shot in the head, and said “don’t tell your Mum”.
She asked our Mum if she knew. He was often a bit grumpy but I never saw him so angry. Mum had never known. She said she always wondered why he returned months late; he told her he was delayed for some dull reason, not that he nearly passed away.
#31
Caught them eating pill bugs in the backyard. Knew she'd freak out, so I told them "don't tell your mom". Only time I've ever encouraged them to hide something from her.
#32
Me and my dad were at nycc I think it was around 3 or 4 years ago now so I was 14 or 15 ish. I had brought 300 dollars I had saved to spend on comics. It was around the end of the show and I had spent 100 so far. At this point I was looking for a beat up copy of a specific comic because it was the first appearance of my favorite character. I saw a couple for around 100 but they were really low quality. I then saw one for 650 that was graded 9.2 and signed by the cover artist. It was so cool and I said to my dad how amazing it was. So long story short he told me if I could negotiate it down to 500 dollars he would cover the difference over what I had. I negotiated it down to 500 and we bought it. My dad told me to tell my mom we spent 100 on it. She still dosnt know that we spent 500 bucks on a comic book and would probably flip out if she did.
#33
My brothers and I were playing PS2 when we were young. Our stepmother was very against violent video games.
Our dad comes in, pulls out GTA san andreas and hands it to us. Don't tell (stepmom).
That was awesome. He also pulled us out of school to watch the blue angels...
Beak Hookage 5 hours ago
Reminds me of a friend's dad from when I was a kid. I was hanging out at the friend's house and we were kind of bored, and his dad said "go play video games! Something violent, like HEXEN!" I already played video games at home with my own dad, most of them violent, but it was just so awesome to see this guy actively encouraging us kids to go blast some monsters. Still really sad remembering him - he passed away very suddenly from a heart attack, far too young. He was a great guy.
#34
Was probably about 11 when my Dad was going to do some touch-up painting on part of the house. He buys the paint, I get up on the ladder with him, he points at where to start and we begin. About 3x4 feet into painting, I look at Dad and say, “Uhh, did you get the right color?” Turns out, her got about a half shade lighter of a dark grey paint than what the house was. He turned pale and a feign of desperation came onto his face. “Don’t tell your mom about this.”
Years later after the House was sold, you can still drive by the house and see the 3x4 wrong shaded blotch. She never noticed.
#35
My dad.
I was nineteen, still living at home. Latest I had ever come home was maybe one in the morning. One particular evening I went out with some friends and the night went kind of crazy. Long story that I'll skip. Anyway, I came home drunk at like six AM. I tried sneaking in the door but as soon as I opened it both parents were in my face giving me the third degree. I stumbled past them muttering some excuses and passed out in bed in my room. I thought I was in the clear.
A few hours later my mom busts into my room, raging at me, telling me to get up and start on some yard work because my father is furious, and how he's going to let me have it.
So I'm in the front yard with my first ever true hangover, raking or shovelling or something. My Dad's got a shop in the back. I see the door open. I see him come out. Watch him walk around the house from the backyard to the front (through the big windows in the garage). I'm like, here it comes. I'm in deep [trouble]. Dread filling my entire being.
My Dad walks around the corner of the garage, looks at me for a long moment. I'm ready to get chewed out. Dear God just get on with it. I know I [messed up] up. Here it comes. He laughs, says, "Your mom is so mad at yooooooooouuuuuuuuuu!" and walks into the house.
Best dad ever.
#36
My dad older brother and me were cleaning, and their was a bunch of boxes we were going through. One of the boxes had old photo books after good thirty minutes My dad chuckled and said nice. I look at the photo in his hand it was my dad maybe in his early twenties surrounded by 5 [undresses] women. My dad looks at me and said don't tell your mom about that one.
PS: it was before my dad and mom even met.
#37
Not a father but when I was younger my dad used to take me to the tab to place a bet every now and again.
One time he had a go on the pokies, there were 6 machines and he won $500 - $800 off every one of them in the space of 15 minutes.
13 year old me got a fistful of cash to not tell Mum about his winnings!
#38
Had plans to hit an out of town wedding but had to take my son to get his hair cut, picked him up at school and he was in a dreadful mood. I told him if hed go to his haircut without a fuss I'd let him have a mountain dew, which he is not allowed. Got the haircut, went to a gas station, grabbed a 20 ounce mountain dew, and hand it to him in the back seat, with the warning 'dont tell your mom'. His 9 year old brain thought this meant he had to down 20 ounces of mountain dew on the 5 minute car trip home. He had been sitting in the middle, and he unbuckles and moves to the door and puts the window down and I'm like 'what are you doing?', and then I realize hes feeling like barfing. We get home, he gets out and lays down on the cool concrete, pressing his forehead to it, and says, never again.
#39
I pushed our 10ft trampoline next to the 2nd story deck and let the kids jump off the deck onto the trampoline.
As a good dad should, I definitely demonstrated how to land properly!
#40
Son here. Dad and I went fishing on a river in the backwoods of North Carolina when I was a kid. It had been raining all week and had finally stopped. To get to the boat ramp we had to cross over this creek that had washed over the path on the way in.
As we crossed the water was already to the bottom of the door of the 89’ Toyota pickup with a 9inch lift. Dad just took the southern mans approach and hauled through the high water. We spent a few hours out on the boat and decided to head back before dark. When we got back to the crossing the creek had turned into a raging gorge of sorts. The river was still rising and at that point the peninsula we had driven down had turned into an island. Dad felt he had no choice and decided to try to cross again.
This time the water was up to the window and the truck stalled out halfway across. The truck, pushed by the current rocked back and forth and I felt at any moment that it was going to roll. Dad climbed out the window and positioned himself on the front bumper and opened the hood. He told me to keep trying to start it. To this day I have no idea what he did to get it to start back up. I got it started and he quickly hopped back in and drove us out. The truck never ran the same, sat in our yard until he sold for $500. I was pissed because he kept telling me he was giving me the truck in a few years when I turned 15.
Needless to say I got the “don’t tell mom” speech on the way home.
#41
In this situation was the kid. While in college I was learning to ride a motorcycle and like a dumb college kid I thought I was invincible. I learned quickly that in an argument between myself and the pavement, the pavement will win. Ended up badly breaking my wrist and had some gnarly road rash.
My mom was on a 3 week trip with her church group and would've been in a right panic. She was very against the idea of me riding around on a motorcycle. After getting checked out at the ER my dad said "It'd be better for you if we don't tell your mom".
My dad and I corroborated stories about selling the bike to help cover school costs. The way timelines with school and her trip overlapped, she never knew.
We still have a laugh occasionally when its just my dad and I in the room at family events.
#42
My dad not me.
When I was first getting into blacksmithing I found an old forge for sale at a yard sale we stopped at.
As far as my mom knows we found it in the "closet" (A room in our barn that I have literally never seen the inside of that apparently is full of old stuff leftover from the property's previous owner).
#43
I'm roman catholic and my mom is super serious about no meat on fridays for lent. Then my dad would just take me out to go eat buffalo wild wings. going to home depot? nope just eating boneless wings.
#44
I am a dad but this is from my childhood. We used to live in the country on a gravel/metal road, and my mum had a boyfriend who would go and pick water cress (wild growing vegetables) from the big drains to make boil up (boil up is a food from new zealand, pretty much soup) with. I was around 9 and my brother was 7. He asked us one day if we wanted to come pick some, so we went. We went up the road to the big intersection and he started pulling relentless burnouts, shredding the intersection to pieces, dust everywhere, gravel flying. My brother and I smiling from ear to ear loving it. Lasted a good couple of minutes. As soon as he stopped, we sat there for 5 seconds in silence and he says "let's not tell mum about that aye boys?". We never did.
#45
My son and I were playing Wii baseball. He threw the controller and cracked the TV. He was freaking out crying. His mom was always on us to wear the leash and we weren't. So she was gonna freak out. I told him to lie and we would just say I did it. It worked. Secretly I was happy he did it anyway. I had been wanting a bigger TV.
#46
Can I answer FOR my dad (deceased 2014)?
Whenever my mother had to be out of town for PTA meetings or whatever, my mom would spend lots of time preparing meals for us, but my dad would always "forget" about those and take us to places such as Pizza Inn, Arby's, Captain D's, etc, and he would always tell us not to tell "Mom" because she would disapprove. My mom never minded and we grew up with humorous stories as a result.
#47
My wife was going to travel to So Cal and was apprehensive with separation anxiety. I thought about how I could help and got the baby ready and drove to the mall and went to Build-A-Bear. I made a custom stuffy and for the final touch I recorded our daughter laughing so that when my wife squeezed the animal she'd hear our baby giggle. I was very excited and brought my kid and the stuffed animal out to my Jeep. I set my kid in the back and put the B-A-B up front with me. We went directly to my wife's office. Once parked, I opened the back door to retrieve my kid... who wasn't there! My heart dropped. And then I heard her. I hadn't latched the baby carrier into the car seat properly so the whole carrier flipped out and was upside-down, wedged behind the passenger seat. Trying not to panic, I grabbed the carrier fearing the worst and rotated it over. My kid was fine! I was so relieved and actually said out loud, "let's not tell your mom about this!" I didn't want to catch hell for it and I didn't want my wife to stress about the stupid things is be up to with our baby during her travels.
#48
I'm the daughter, but recently I went with my dad to check on his bees that he has shortly before winter hit. Didn't bring any covering, said he'd be fine and it was cold enough that the bees would stay in the hive. Mom frowned but didnt argue. Took off the top of the hive to peel inside and he gets stung. In several places. One right under his eye. Ran back to the car, paused for a moment, looked at me and said, "don't tell your mother."
To be fair I didnt say a thing, mom noticed as soon as we came in that his eye was swollen and bruising and HE DIDNT BRING ANYTHING TO COVER HIS FACE SO OF COURSE HE GOT STUNG.
#49
I come down the driveway after work. 11 year old son is trying to lift the 454 Bearcat 4 wheeler back on to four wheels. He'd been doing donuts in the yard and rolled it on its side. I helped him right it and told him, "Mom does not need to know about this." 13 years later our secret is safe. (He never did it again. Imagine a kid learning from his mistakes!).
#50
I’m not a dad, but one time my dad woke my sister and I up after we got tucked into bed and asked us to come downstairs. He gave us both these giant cookies and we all silent ate them at the dining table in the dark. After about 5 minutes he just quietly said “don’t tell your mother” and we never did. It’s one of my favorite memories form when I was a kid.
#51
I had just gotten a learners permit but had barely any driving experience besides a parking lot. My dad proceeded to take me to a 4 pm Giants game, get completely [drunk] so he could barely walk and had me drive home. In the after football game traffic, down the NJ Turnpike, with all the other hammered drivers. I almost [ended] us twice.
#52
My dad dislikes mushrooms with a passion, enough so to claim that he is allergic to them. Once while Mom was away for the weekend, we went out to eat and he ordered an omelet. He specifically asked if there were mushrooms in it, and asked for no mushrooms. When our food came back out, his omelet had mushrooms, and he asked who made it. Our waitress told us that she had made it and that she hoped he enjoyed it (it seemed to be one of her first days at this restaurant because she seemed a little stressed out).
He didn't say anything about the mushrooms to her thanked her, and she left. He ate the omelet and told us not to tell Mom.
#53
Obligatory: “Not a Dad”, but when I was little Dad got us all burgers [Mom was on a “health kick”] to distract us kids while he went about the house and stole her various chocolate stashed hidden without.
She came back and lost it upon discovering this, while Dad just winked at us.
#54
From when I was a kid:
A bunch of us were playing wiffle ball in the neighbor’s back yard. My dad, and the father of the kid who’s yard were playing in were playing with us.
At one point the other dD lobbed a pitch in to his son, who proceeded to send it through the kitchen window of their house.
Cue much panicking on the part of us kids. The dads were much calmer, and he said to his son, “don’t tell mom. I will get some glass from the hardware store and nobody will know the difference.”
Mom was in the kitchen when the ball went through the window.
#55
Single parent family - so uncle is father figure.
When I was 12 or so I worked on my uncle's lobster boat for the first time, banding lobsters, typical kid job.
This was back before organized wholesalers, so my uncle often crated up his lobsters and stored them in the bay of a small island off the coast until someone wanted A LOT of lobsters. The rig was simple ... 2 12 foot logs with 3 50ish ft lines between them and storm anchors at each end. Pulled tight, the crates could be tied to 2 of the 3 lines with the 3 lines making 2 rows of crates up the bay.
Dump an anchor, when it comes tight, dump the first log, stay out of the way of the 3 coils of rope peeling off the deck, when they come tight, dump the second log, hold that tight until you dump the 2nd anchor. So the entire rig is stretched over 75 ft of bay (Atlantic Ocean, in December), as tight as you can get it.
Naturally kids are stupid, clumsy and accident prone ... I managed to be on the wrong side of that second log when it went over and I went with it, wrapped in ropes and anchor chain and every thing else. Luckily as the anchor sank, it yanked me under, but then unwound like a top so a split second later I was bobbing at the surface. Del, friend of the family, got me by the oil clothes with the gaff and brought me back on board.
Whole thing happened so fast, I didn't even get wet through to my underwear despite being dunked under water.
All my uncle could do was turn white, and scream ...
NEVER
EVER
TELL
THE
OLD
WOMAN
Which was a single term, covering my mother, his mother and his sister.
And then we never spoke of it again.
To this day, I don't think the family knows.
#56
Not a dad but my dad once span my sister round on the roundabout in the park so fast that she threw up. He also broke the park fence as we were entering the park. He told us not to tell mum.
#57
My father and I bartended for a big neighborhood party one year, got incredibly drunk. Around 1 or so, I took him by the wrist and dragged him home. I passed out in a chair at the kitchen table, he passed out on the floor of the bathroom.
Around 5am, he woke me up and said I had to go up to my bedroom "We can't let your mother find us like this!".
#58
I don't know that I had one of these, but my brother did. Back in college, before he was 21, my brother was at a party where there was *gasp* underage drinking. Along come the police.
My brother ends us getting a ticket for underage possession. He asked me what to do, as I was in law school. I told him to look into PTI (pretrial intervention), which is often available for first time offenders. He was a good kid, so he was able to line that up.
PTI involves some community service and some other programs that emphasize being a good, law abiding citizen. He made it all the way through and was waiting on his discharge letter.
The letter comes.....to my parents' house. My dad opened it because earlier my brother had received a federal jury duty questionnaire and my dad didn't want him to miss getting called for that if it came up.
The conversation was had. The decision was made to not tell my mom since it was handled and she would freak out. My dad was cool about it. Eventually we told my mom....specifically to freak her out.
#59
Not too interesting but my dad uses this line often.
My first beer was at 13. My mom wasn't home, he set his beer on the table, made eye contact with me, then whispered "dont tell your mother". He went out and mowed the lawn while I finished his beer.
Fast forward, I'm now 28 and recently we were hanging out in the garage refurbishing a dresser, drinking beer on his birthday talking about how my mom is a bit of a hoarder. Their garage is packed with random items. He says, "don't tell your mother I said this but most of this is to give to you." Then he looks me in the eye and says, "I think it goes without saying really but, what's said in the garage stays in the garage."
#60
My grandpa use to take my dad to street races and build really fast drag cars with him and my dad now does that with me and it’s pretty awesome. We instead of drag cars though build off-road vehicles. So at one point we were in a bronco and my dad decided on the way to the grocery store we would randomly pull of and go off-roading somewhere. We were in the middle of a valley with steep hill and it started to rain really hard. We ended not getting home for like 4 hours when it should have take like 30 minutes.
#61
This is one from my childhood and will forever be my personal favorite story involving my father.
It was around Christmas in 1999 and I think it was a weekend. My parents were pretty much done Christmas shopping, but were getting things for the family. I was up at friend's house and I had to go home because they were going out or something.
So I walk into my house and can tell right away that my father was out "shopping," meaning that he went to the bar while out shopping. As soon as I walk in, he looks at me, as if he wasn't expecting me. My mother was out, so he used the opportunity to bond a bit with me.
"Wanna see something cool," he asks. A first, I think he's joking, but he was serious. All I do is nod and he runs upstairs and comes back with black bag. He then pulls out the Janurary 2000 issue of Playboy, which had the cover done by Peter Max, one of his favorite artist. He opens the magazine and shows me a few pages. My mother than pulls up and he shoves the mag back in the bag. "Don't tell your mother," he tells me and then heads back up stairs.
#62
Just recently picked up a new car, one that's kind of fast and has a manual transmission. First day I bring it home my daughter got super excited so I took her for a ride. I worked the clutch and I let her work the gear shifter. As we get going she asks me how fast we are going. I look down at the speedo and look back her and all I could say was fast enough that your not telling Mom about this.
#63
Obligatory "not a dad"
When I was 3 or 4 my dad used drove a mustang and I thought it was the coolest thing ever and always wanted to drive it. One day he let me sit on his lap and drive to the corner store to get some bread. He told me that it was our secret and to never tell my mom. After getting home my mom asked me if I had fun in the mustang and I apparently yelled "DADDY SAID I CAN'T TELL YOU ANYTHING".
#64
Not mine but my dad's with me. When I was young my dad loved cockfights. He sometimes would take me to the local arena. My mom hates this hobby of my dad and naturally would hate it if my dad takes me. One time we went to see a fight and my dad specifically told me not to tell my mom we went to the cockpit that day. We got home late in the afternoon and my mom asks me if I'd already ate. I should probably tell yall that we ate burgers there. I think my dad slept at the couch that night.
#65
Went out to a work sponsored party when I was 16 (store manager owned a restaurant) and got pretty drunk. Not my first time drinking, but definitely my first time drunk.
Got home, mum was waiting for both me and dad (he went out with some friends) and got really upset about my state. Basically told me to wait up till my old man comes home and he'll punish me.
My dad gets dropped off about an hour later, much worse off than I am.
I tell him what happened. He told me to go to sleep, keep my mouth shut and pretend he told me off for the next few days.
This was about 25 years ago, and I bet my mum still doesn't know.
#66
Letting my kid watch Deadpool, he loved every minute of it and hasn’t told anyone he watched it!
#68
My dad and his boss decided to go goose hunting. The boss bought a new,top of the line hunting coat and insulated pants for the trip. They ended up not bagging anything. My mom and bosses wife knew nothing about the trip, so Boss gives my dad the outfit so his wife won't find out.
My dad gives the outfit to me, so mom doesn't find out.
Mom asked me where I got the outfit I said "The store ".
#69
I'm not a dad, but am a daughter. My dad was putting up a basketball hoop for us kids (six at the time, blended family). My step-brother and I were out by the garage helping when my dad dropped one if the bigger poles and hit my step-brother on top of the head. No stitches, no bleeding, just has a white scar on his head forever.
His next words to us were: Don't tell your mom (step-moms name).
#70
She just bought this MASSIVE picture frame, it held like 35 pictures. Cost quite a bit. She hung it right above our bed so of course I being fidgity, I built this habit of swinging it with my fingers while lying in bed. One night while she was at work, I flipped it pretty far and it fell and cracked me and my four year old on our heads and broke into pieces.
After clean up I looked him in the eyes and before I said anything he said "Now I don't want mom to come home". He already knew not to say anything lmao. We blamed it on her poor hanging job. Feels kind bad but also good not to get yelled at.
#71
This is about my dad.
It was 2 days before my birthday and he bought me a ~900 dollar phone,. (quite expensive), he told me to not tell my mom he bought it for me.
My mother did not like me having a smartphone as it would make my eye sight worse (400 degrees L/R before I got the phone)
Hence, I never used the phone in front of her, and instead used my old Nokia, I generally used it for flexing and gaming, no chats or anything, as I did not want to change the SiM card and blow my cover.
#72
When my kid breaks one of my wife’s little rules I cover up for him so he’ll love me more than her.
#73
I'm not a dad, but I witnessed one of those moments that was pretty bad. I was in a convenience store next to a beach and I saw a guy holding a small child in his left arm. He was bending down and with his right hand he was reaching into cooler and trying to grab two 40oz bottles of beer. He was kind of drunk but he had a good grip on one bottle and was struggling to get a grip on the other one. He finally got a grip on it and with two 40s in one hand he stood up and immediately both bottles slipped out of his hand. Father of The Year lets go of the child in his left hand and tries to catch the 40s. The bottles hit the floor and explode, the child hits the floor and screams, and both of them end up covered in St Ides and broken glass. The dad realizes how badly he'd messed up and scoops the kid and starts trying to sooth him. As I left the store the dad was at the register (he ended up buying a 40) apologizing to the shopkeep while shoving fistfuls of candy into the kid's hands saying "don't tell mom" with each handful.
#74
About 7 years ago we got a new employee in my office. she was a recently single latina with an amazing body, and outgoing personality. There was a clear attraction towards her, and we hit it off as colleagues/work friends, and within a few weeks we're even hugging "hello".
fast forward to IKEA a few months later. the (ex)wife is making her way through the store, my son and i are lagging behind hanging out in the cafeteria area.
I see my co-worker, she sees me, and we wave and greet each other with a nice hug. As we are standing there chatting I hadn't really realized that i was still holding her hand. I introduce her to my son, who is 6 at the time, we chat for around 5 minutes, and we are holding hands the entire time.
after we parted ways I'm talking to my son. he asks who that person was, I tell him a co worker. I asked if she seemed nice, he says, yeah, but why were you holding her hand so long? I say, uh, well, son, how about we just not tell your mother about that. Bought some fries, and a chocolate cake for him, and am pretty sure he forgot all about meeting my co-worker.
#76
My dad has smoked anywhere between 2 and 4 packs of cigarettes a week my entire life. His "dont tell your mother" moments were getting me candy when he had me and went into a gas station for cigarettes.
#77
This was actually my dad but when I was little my dad gave me a box of candy and my mom wouldn't let me have more than a little(I have ADHD).
#78
Taking the kid to buy some concert tickets at night on snowy roads. In a 263 hp turbocharged hatchback with snow tires and hitting around 70 mph on the way there/back. We didn't need to tell her mom. She was my driving buddy.
(Light traffic, not being totally stupid).
#79
Not the worst but...
My dad and I used to go to some fields and drive golf balls a couple times a week. We had no technique or ability (which will become evident) but we had a lot of fun
One week my dad noticed you can put a tee in the top of a golf club. My dad being the genius he is decided that I should hold a club, with a tee in the top and he'd drive a ball off it.
Sure enough he missed and hit my on the arm. No major damage done, a lot of pain and a few tears shed but we vowed never to tell my mum about it. I'm fairly sure she still doesn't know about it 15 years or so later.
What do you think ?
Lost Panda 11 hours ago
I remember the time I took my daughter (then 4) to a b-day party at Chuck E Cheese. She had a blast, but at the end went to turn in her tickets. I saw her eyeing a My Little Pony toy hard and asked me how much it was. I told her and asked how many she had. The sad toddler face k****d me so I ended up buying it for her and said that if her mother asked she won it. Daughter is 16 now, doesn't remember it, but I'll probably bring it up one day... once the statute of limitations are up XD
Lost Panda 11 hours ago
Oh, and I just remembered one on the other end. When I was about 9 or 10 I was helping my stepdad put a new engine into the dirt track car. I was helping guide it when the wheels on the harness slipped and came crashing down, missing my head by a few inches. He never let me work around the engine bay again (not a bad father, just a mistake had been made), but I was able to keep going until they divorced a few years later. I'm almost 40 and my mom still doesn't know I almost died that day XD
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Gavin Johnson 11 hours ago
My Dad was a biker all of his life, Mum never wanted my brother or me to get bitten by the bug. First thing I bought when I left home, bought a bike. Used to meet my Dad to ride out into the hills every couple of weeks. Mum never knew, still doesn’t. Sadly my Dad sold his last bike as he turned 80, he and I still talk bikes.
Lost Panda 11 hours ago
I remember the time I took my daughter (then 4) to a b-day party at Chuck E Cheese. She had a blast, but at the end went to turn in her tickets. I saw her eyeing a My Little Pony toy hard and asked me how much it was. I told her and asked how many she had. The sad toddler face k****d me so I ended up buying it for her and said that if her mother asked she won it. Daughter is 16 now, doesn't remember it, but I'll probably bring it up one day... once the statute of limitations are up XD
Lost Panda 11 hours ago
Oh, and I just remembered one on the other end. When I was about 9 or 10 I was helping my stepdad put a new engine into the dirt track car. I was helping guide it when the wheels on the harness slipped and came crashing down, missing my head by a few inches. He never let me work around the engine bay again (not a bad father, just a mistake had been made), but I was able to keep going until they divorced a few years later. I'm almost 40 and my mom still doesn't know I almost died that day XD
Load More Replies... Gavin Johnson 11 hours ago
My Dad was a biker all of his life, Mum never wanted my brother or me to get bitten by the bug. First thing I bought when I left home, bought a bike. Used to meet my Dad to ride out into the hills every couple of weeks. Mum never knew, still doesn’t. Sadly my Dad sold his last bike as he turned 80, he and I still talk bikes.
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