102Kviews
Here Are 30 Priceless Life Lessons From Women In Their 40s That Took A While To Learn
Let's admit, being young is quite tough. There's so much you still have to learn and it's usually a process of trial and error. Some choices you make, for some magical reason, end up being okay (or at times even really great), and some... well, sometimes you simply fail miserably. And that's totally fine. Even though it usually doesn't seem like it and you spend some time ruminating or even hating yourself for that one particular choice. But that's life, I guess.
And even though living = making some mistakes along the way, it's sometimes nice to get a few insights from people who've already been there and done that. Recently, a Twitter user GayatriiM started an interesting thread by asking all the women in their 40s to share life lessons that they've learned late in life. "Women in their 40s, what is one life lesson you learnt late in life?" she wrote in her tweet. Also, she answered her own question by saying this: "I learnt that sacrifices you make for others are overrated. At the end of the day, you’ll be held responsible for the choices you made esp. by those whose share of responsibilities you took over!"
Bored Panda invites you to look through some of the best life lessons these women have shared. And, of course, feel free to share your own in the comments!
This post may include affiliate links.
I was today years old when somebody finally dropped this pearl of wisdom in my lap. Thank you!! So relevant!!
Many women have pointed out that it's important to be selfish in life. And that doesn't mean that you shouldn't care about other people—it simply means that you should learn to put yourself first. "Because no one else will," one user wrote. For a long time, women have been expected to be selfless, giving, and caring, and sadly, it's still ingrained in many of us to the point where we might even feel guilty doing things solely for ourselves. So yeah, I think we should all learn to be selfish. It's a good thing.
Not necessarily! I am very proud of my late grandmothers ridiculously heavy cookware.
Some also pointed out that it's never too late to change the direction of your life and drift away from things that no longer serve you. You're never too old for that. And life is simply too short to settle.
The amount of time I've wasted on trying to explain myself is truly ridiculous. And I'm still learning, in my 40s. Tough habit to kick.
One of the most popular pieces of advice was the one telling women not to "save up luxuries to enjoy later." "Such an important lesson, Ma’am. I had anosmia during Covid19 infection and I thought, what if I am never able to smell my fave perfume ever again! We are one small incident away from changing course of life. Live it fully, now, the way you want to," someone replied to this advice.
Eliminates "frail" later in life. When working around the house, MAKE those 6 trips to put things away. Its exercise you wouldn't have otherwise.
Hardest lesson. I tell myself if I try to rush in, I am messing with their karma and they will still have to learn the lesson.
I really hate when people get upset that others aren't showing the 'proper' amount of gratitude. Either you want to help, or you don't. If you're doing it so others lick your boots, you're doing it for the wrong reasons.
Learn to live alone but not lonely. If u constantly seek people company/validation. Then something is completely wrong and defective inside of u. Know your reason and rectify that. People who can't live alone and in independence, deceive their very nature of existence. Which lets face it is like 80% of the population if not more
I'd like to add something, unpopular opinion here, but in my experience, denying yourself the small joys does NOT guarantee you the occurrence of greater happiness. I mean, if you decide not to buy those shoes you like today does not mean you'd find peace of mind or serenity or true love tomorrow. You might find yourself waiting for these your entire life and even lacking the momentary feeling of getting something you like on the short run. I mean, yeah, I do not advise you to become a compulsive shopper or eater or such, only to enjoy small things, too, without the constant expectation of something BIG to happen.
Don't 'pick up the slack' at work. Don't cut corners to make it all work and work on time. Do your thing, and only YOUR thing, don't be awkward about it if asked though, just don't do it voluntarily. Do the job the way it's supposed to be done. If you cut corners to make it happen quicker then your manager will turn a blind eye to get good stats but throw you under the bus when it all goes pear shaped..
Don't overdo it though, don't end up always thinking 'This isn't good enough'
This one is a little bit circumstantial. Sometimes it's good to fight for things, sometimes it's not. In general I think she means don't get into unnecessary battles
Load of bull c**p. Learn to live alone. People will f**k u in the a*s the minute u r not fruitful to them
I don't agree with the staying silent. It totally depends if the other party gets what's happening. There's a nice middle ground between being "brutally frank" and saying nothing at all. It's called politely informing someone. If someone doesn't want to listen, then sure. If the other one is being agressive, also just move along. But don't use silence as a solution to everything you don't want to deal with. Consider what position you put the other person in.
Easier said than done. Things that have happened never really go. U can just add new wonderful experiences to push them back , but they are always waiting in the shadows. Always waiting and watching. U WILL NEVER BE FREE.
Or better . They will toot ther own horn on the one s****y thing they did for u. And conveniently ignore the 1000 things u did for them. They r pretty little angels and ur the shameless honourless abomination
I don’t think ‘shut your mouth unless asked to talk’ is a particularly healthy attitude. That’s basically saying we should only speak if someone ELSE decides, no matter the circumstances? I agree that there are certainly areas where things are best left un-spoken, but that should be something we decide for ourselves, surely?
Excuse me, but 40 is NOT "late in life." I mean, for some people, yes, but in general "late in life" is 70s or 80s. Can we get over this idea that middle-age is somehow over the hill? You're just getting really started at 40. Yeesh.
Also, my advice (I am over 40 by 17 years) is that it's okay to have negative emotions. It just means you're human. Allow yourself to feel them and name them, and if you need therapy to sort them out, that's okay. You have reasons for your feelings. (Obvs don't hurt other people or yourself because of them, but you can have them, it's okay.)
All the women who said self care, setting boundaries, saying no, prioritising self, being selfish, not self sacrificing - an overwhelming number of these responses have one theme in common - women still feel some kind of fundamental obligation to serve others, often to their own detriment.
Yes, it really seems that way. Is it innate or learned? Nature/nurture
Load More Replies...Find COMEDY! Few things stand up to laughter and laugh lines on a face are the best! Everyone is so serious, give yourself a break!
Life is more nuanced than these tweets indicate. I'll leave it at that.
couldn't find the right wording, but that's exactly my opinion as well
Load More Replies...I've learned that you don't have to sacrifice wonder, adventure or joy to maturity.
Write things down! Keep a diary. See where you have been. Next year when this pandemic/recession/election is over -- the difference will AMAZE you! Don't waste time trying to remember important connections and information. Make lists, have a piece of paper ready for names and numbers. Don't waste TIME!
There is no substitute for writing a diary. Its the only thing that can capture your state of mind at any given point in time. Good advice!
Load More Replies...When cooking for Thanksgiving, don't forget the rolls in the oven. Don't buy generic dish soap. Learn your mail carriers name and give them a small gift at Christmas (if they celebrate). Take special care of your feet and teeth. Take more baths not just showers, your skin will thank you. Clean the house a little at a time, don't put it off for a designated " cleaning day ". Bake bacon instead of frying. Coconut oil is useful from skin and hair care to cooking. Don't pump your mascara with the wand, it dries it out. Check the fluids in your car, not just the gas...and tire pressure too. Don't go through your day on autopilot, recognize each moment. I could go and on, but one thing I've learned is brevity is always appreciated.
for sure that's more pragmatic than most of these tweets :-)
Load More Replies...Self love is absolutely important, but maybe not at the exclusion of all else. Sometimes we have to give a little more than we want to because it's the right thing to do. A world outside ourselves needs 100% participation from each of us - love beyond measure, forgive without grudge - let go of hatred and prejudice. Teach your children to do the right thing, even when no one is looking. Especially when no one is looking.
My advice (49). Be YOURSELF. Stop worrying what other people think of your choices. Don’t let anyone tell you you are “too old” for anything. I have blue hair, numerous piercings (facial as well), tattoos, all which I’ve got in the last several years. I wear what I want, I don’t care if people think I’m “too old” for it. And guess what? I’m the happiest and most confident now than I have been in my whole life, because I’m finally being the real ME
Do not wait for the time to be right. The right time is right now! If you want a dog and you have the means to care for it, get that puppy! If you want to study and make yourself better, go study! If you want to drink your a*s off and/or just have fun! GO! HAVE FUN! You have time later to lament if you didn't live your life to the fullest. :D
Compassion is more important than empathy. Empathy is about the observer, and can be toxic the observed in some cases.
Also: sunscreen. And if you're under 30: take your calcium+magnesium+vitamin d+vitamin k, your bones will thank you later.
Or eat as well as you can as that is the best way to get essential nutrients. Some supplements can cause side effects - I can't take calcium for example.
Load More Replies...40 years old is "late in life?" Lol! Ask questions! If you don't understand something or want to know more about it, don't be embarrassed & ask. Mistakes are not necessarily bad. They're learning experiences. Read. Don't watch or listen if you can read it instead. You don't have to like everyone but you should be respectful of all.
My big lesson at 40 was realizing being married wouldn't have added a thing to my life. I'm independent, financially secure and happy and my daughter is too.
1. Manipulative people exist and will say and do disingenuous things to get what they want. 2. If you self-sacrifice for the happiness of others, no one will end up happy. 3. Education is flipping amazing. 4. Get help for depression and anxiety. 5. Like mentioned in a comment above, keep journals because you may forget a lot about your days as you go along.
These are South Asian women. If you live on another continent, don't use their advice to become even more selfish.
I'm 34. My "lesson" from last years is "my kids - my responsibility - my decision". Not my inlaw's, not my friends. Just mine and my husband's. Plus small guilty pleasures that make me happy, like good books, good food and 5 minutes every day I spent alone.
The onlynpwrsom that you have to make happy is you dont they to please other they dont appreciate it ( even famolyamil
Don’t waste your life on worrying... 2/3 of them won’t happen anyway
If you are under a tremendous amount of stress and feel like your brain is melting, go to the hospital. I didn't and almost didn't live to see 45. In a few months I'll be 50 and I practice lots of self care now. :-)
I don't like many of these. "Be selfish?" "Being an assured person means people don't like you?" Really?
Most people are naturally selfish, so the suggestion to be selfish sounds strange.
Load More Replies...That 40 may bring on premenopause but that's no reason not to use birth control...2 months pregnant and starting over
I actually responded to the original tweet: I learned that my forites weren't "late in life." :)
Some places, like Australia, say learnt. Either is correct
Load More Replies...Excuse me, but 40 is NOT "late in life." I mean, for some people, yes, but in general "late in life" is 70s or 80s. Can we get over this idea that middle-age is somehow over the hill? You're just getting really started at 40. Yeesh.
Also, my advice (I am over 40 by 17 years) is that it's okay to have negative emotions. It just means you're human. Allow yourself to feel them and name them, and if you need therapy to sort them out, that's okay. You have reasons for your feelings. (Obvs don't hurt other people or yourself because of them, but you can have them, it's okay.)
All the women who said self care, setting boundaries, saying no, prioritising self, being selfish, not self sacrificing - an overwhelming number of these responses have one theme in common - women still feel some kind of fundamental obligation to serve others, often to their own detriment.
Yes, it really seems that way. Is it innate or learned? Nature/nurture
Load More Replies...Find COMEDY! Few things stand up to laughter and laugh lines on a face are the best! Everyone is so serious, give yourself a break!
Life is more nuanced than these tweets indicate. I'll leave it at that.
couldn't find the right wording, but that's exactly my opinion as well
Load More Replies...I've learned that you don't have to sacrifice wonder, adventure or joy to maturity.
Write things down! Keep a diary. See where you have been. Next year when this pandemic/recession/election is over -- the difference will AMAZE you! Don't waste time trying to remember important connections and information. Make lists, have a piece of paper ready for names and numbers. Don't waste TIME!
There is no substitute for writing a diary. Its the only thing that can capture your state of mind at any given point in time. Good advice!
Load More Replies...When cooking for Thanksgiving, don't forget the rolls in the oven. Don't buy generic dish soap. Learn your mail carriers name and give them a small gift at Christmas (if they celebrate). Take special care of your feet and teeth. Take more baths not just showers, your skin will thank you. Clean the house a little at a time, don't put it off for a designated " cleaning day ". Bake bacon instead of frying. Coconut oil is useful from skin and hair care to cooking. Don't pump your mascara with the wand, it dries it out. Check the fluids in your car, not just the gas...and tire pressure too. Don't go through your day on autopilot, recognize each moment. I could go and on, but one thing I've learned is brevity is always appreciated.
for sure that's more pragmatic than most of these tweets :-)
Load More Replies...Self love is absolutely important, but maybe not at the exclusion of all else. Sometimes we have to give a little more than we want to because it's the right thing to do. A world outside ourselves needs 100% participation from each of us - love beyond measure, forgive without grudge - let go of hatred and prejudice. Teach your children to do the right thing, even when no one is looking. Especially when no one is looking.
My advice (49). Be YOURSELF. Stop worrying what other people think of your choices. Don’t let anyone tell you you are “too old” for anything. I have blue hair, numerous piercings (facial as well), tattoos, all which I’ve got in the last several years. I wear what I want, I don’t care if people think I’m “too old” for it. And guess what? I’m the happiest and most confident now than I have been in my whole life, because I’m finally being the real ME
Do not wait for the time to be right. The right time is right now! If you want a dog and you have the means to care for it, get that puppy! If you want to study and make yourself better, go study! If you want to drink your a*s off and/or just have fun! GO! HAVE FUN! You have time later to lament if you didn't live your life to the fullest. :D
Compassion is more important than empathy. Empathy is about the observer, and can be toxic the observed in some cases.
Also: sunscreen. And if you're under 30: take your calcium+magnesium+vitamin d+vitamin k, your bones will thank you later.
Or eat as well as you can as that is the best way to get essential nutrients. Some supplements can cause side effects - I can't take calcium for example.
Load More Replies...40 years old is "late in life?" Lol! Ask questions! If you don't understand something or want to know more about it, don't be embarrassed & ask. Mistakes are not necessarily bad. They're learning experiences. Read. Don't watch or listen if you can read it instead. You don't have to like everyone but you should be respectful of all.
My big lesson at 40 was realizing being married wouldn't have added a thing to my life. I'm independent, financially secure and happy and my daughter is too.
1. Manipulative people exist and will say and do disingenuous things to get what they want. 2. If you self-sacrifice for the happiness of others, no one will end up happy. 3. Education is flipping amazing. 4. Get help for depression and anxiety. 5. Like mentioned in a comment above, keep journals because you may forget a lot about your days as you go along.
These are South Asian women. If you live on another continent, don't use their advice to become even more selfish.
I'm 34. My "lesson" from last years is "my kids - my responsibility - my decision". Not my inlaw's, not my friends. Just mine and my husband's. Plus small guilty pleasures that make me happy, like good books, good food and 5 minutes every day I spent alone.
The onlynpwrsom that you have to make happy is you dont they to please other they dont appreciate it ( even famolyamil
Don’t waste your life on worrying... 2/3 of them won’t happen anyway
If you are under a tremendous amount of stress and feel like your brain is melting, go to the hospital. I didn't and almost didn't live to see 45. In a few months I'll be 50 and I practice lots of self care now. :-)
I don't like many of these. "Be selfish?" "Being an assured person means people don't like you?" Really?
Most people are naturally selfish, so the suggestion to be selfish sounds strange.
Load More Replies...That 40 may bring on premenopause but that's no reason not to use birth control...2 months pregnant and starting over
I actually responded to the original tweet: I learned that my forites weren't "late in life." :)
Some places, like Australia, say learnt. Either is correct
Load More Replies...