“He Takes A Nap At 12”: Bride Snaps After Entitled Sister Refuses To Attend Her Wedding
Interview With Expert
Amidst finding a venue, curating the perfect playlist, and trying cake flavors, it’s all too likely that the soon-to-be-married couple will have to deal with people who get a little too excited and interfere with the planning process. While they might not even realize this, they rarely make matters easier leading up to the big day.
This bride shared a similar experience when her sister was trying to change the timeline of her wedding because it clashed with her son’s naptime. However, she was quickly shut down, which pushed her to opt out of the celebration entirely.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation with Charity Johnson, lead planner and owner of Charity Lynn Weddings, who kindly agreed to give us some pointers on how to handle difficult people amidst wedding preparations.
Amidst the wedding planning, it’s all too likely the couple will have to deal with quite a few difficult people
Image credits: Israel Humberto / Pexels (not the actual photo)
For this bride, it was her sister who demanded to change the wedding schedule because her son needed sleep
Image credits: Helena Lopes / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Glass_Marzipan5856
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The first step towards dealing with difficult people during wedding planning is to establish healthy boundaries
Charity Johnson, lead planner and owner of Charity Lynn Weddings, tells Bored Panda that many people feel tempted to have a say in others’ weddings because they think their way of doing something is the best one. However, they often do this with good intentions. “I believe that the real motivation is a desire to help the couple out, but it often comes across as overbearing and can easily overwhelm the couple,” she says.
“My best suggestion for the well-meaning friend or family member is to ask if the couple would like some extra input. Otherwise, it is best to keep the extra opinions quiet. There are many decisions to make while wedding planning and well-meaning advice can quickly overwhelm the decision-makers. The only people who should have a say in the wedding decisions are the couple and those paying for the wedding.”
Whether that’s a pushy mother-in-law or an entitled sibling, there are ways to navigate difficult people during the wedding planning process while prioritizing well-being and mental health. The first step towards it is to establish healthy boundaries. This might be uncomfortable for some, but it’s essential to ensure that the big day goes without any hiccups.
Johnson suggests, “Set boundaries early in the planning process and stick to those boundaries. If there are difficult people trying to interfere with the planning process, be honest with them but gracious. Most people are just trying to be helpful and don’t realize that they are actually making the planning more difficult.”
If the partners are people-pleasers and aren’t able to assert themselves, she further advises appointing these responsibilities to someone whom they trust. “It is important to have someone in your corner who will help you navigate those difficult people. I also recommend sitting down with your fiancé and deciding on your priorities before you bring anyone else into the planning. Setting your priorities will help you stay focused during the planning and also help you have the right words when someone is infringing on what you want,” Johnson explains.
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The couple can better manage stress and emotions caused by difficult people by preparing for them ahead of time
Something that can help the couple manage stress and emotions when faced with difficult people is preparing for them ahead of time. “Decide how you will respond when the bridesmaids complain that you are not spending enough time with them or when Great Aunt Sally wants to have a special part of your ceremony,” Johnson says.
“It takes some pre-planning but will be so helpful. I also encourage all my couples to each have one person with whom they can openly share their frustrations. Sometimes the couple just needs to share what is bothering them, and then it is gone. This person can be a best friend, a parent, or a planner.
I am often the emotional sounding board for my couples as they navigate difficult relationships. And finally, it is absolutely okay to not be responsible for everyone else’s feelings and issues. The couple should not be spending time trying to please everyone. It is not possible and will just make everything so much more stressful.”
When you feel like your loved ones are intruding on your wedding planning too much, it’s often because they want to feel included in the creation of your special day. Something that can keep their excited energy elsewhere is assigning them duties like dabbling in some DIYs or helping to research florists or caterers. This will take some things off the couple’s list, and the relatives will feel involved in the big day without distracting them.
Johnson concludes by saying, “Wedding planning should be a joyous journey!!! Every couple has an epic love story that deserves to be told in a unique and special way. Unfortunately, there will be outside voices that will try to convince the couple to do it differently. If the couple knows their ideals, their vision, and their priorities, then it will be much easier to navigate the difficult, external thoughts and opinions.”
The bride wasn’t wrong in readers’ eyes
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Hell no. I'm a mum. I have attended weddings with a two year old in tow. I've done it once with an 18month old, once with a 2 year old and 4 month old and once with a 4 and 2 year old. Never ever would I expect the couple to reorganise a wedding around their nap schedules. Go ahead with your wedding. When people ask why she is not there, just shrug and say apparently the wedding conflicted with nephews nap schedule. People will come to the right conclusion.
Really? She can dress the toddler before his nap, lay him to sleep in a stroller and then attend the ceremony with a sleeping or well-rested toddler. Or she wakes him earlier in the morning, so that he is ready for his nap earlier. Or she arrived later, as soon as he is awake. This is so not a problem.
you are thinking like someone that wants to go. the sister is just doing a powerplay to show she can control even someone elses wedding, because she is that important.
Load More Replies...
My daughter slept when she was tired. It worked for us and for her. I get for some people and parents a schedule is better for them but being this rigid is a bit ridiculous, things happen in life that might mean your son can't nap at that time! It's not the end of the world for 1 day!
Sister is not the type to have this be her only demand. If you change the time, there will be more accomodations to cause drama. A gift if she stays away,.
I have a SIL just like this. It's actually less drama if she misses the wedding and pouts than attends and creates a scene.
The sleeping schedule will change couple of times before the wedding date. No need to change the time.
While missing a nap CAN make a toddler lose their mind, there are times you're just going to have to be flexible. The sister seems to think she's the only person in the world who's ever had a 2 year old. Get him up early and start his nap sooner. They can't tell time!
So 12-2 is a slotted spot till the little napper starts school? I would schedule every family function at lunchtime, no more Lisa!
You're not wrong; you're right. Stand your ground firmly and politely. Accept that your sister and mother will try to blackmail you emotionally. Realise that by behaving the way they do, they don't really care about you nor your wedding. I'm sorry for that, but best wishes for you and your soon-to-be husband.
I get the Mum- if you have a kid who does not sleep well nap time is sacred. And I bet the bride would be the first to complain if the toddler was grizzly and overtired at the wedding. But I can also see the bride's side - babysitter for nao time? There is no winner here. Just a lot of losing out...
Better off without entitled sister attending. Being so inflexible in nap times is ridiculous. What does she do if the kid if he doesn't fall asleep "on time"? Or wake up "on time? I believe she just doesn't want to bother going.
What a bridezilla. The kids wants to nap. Tell all the guests it starts an hour later. They come at 1 pm. Oh sorry. Today Jantje had a regulate day so he went to bed at 12.30. We will start at 2 now. Oh no problem. Sleep is so important. We'll wait in the car! We have nothing to do all day anyway and hey it's only a stupid wedding.
My wretched cow of a sister (who the entire family had since disowned) bitched the whole time at my wedding that it was taking too long because she wanted to go to a nightclub. I was married in another country (the home country of my then husband because he had a large family) and she was the only family member I had there with me. And she acted the whole like my wedding was an imposition & interfering with her social plans. Years later she got married and asked me to be her MOH and I refused- I was too busy for her shenanigans
Talk about entitlement! Why does she think the whole world revolves around her and her kid? I really feel sorry for that kid.
I won't be upset if I were you. "Oh wow, I had no idea. We can't just mess with a toddler's nap time, can we?" It's like the trash taking itself out 😂
It's a pity the grandmother doesn't encourage the mother to relax and trust that the kid will manage a different schedule for auntie's special day. With the first child, mothers may lack the confidence that things will work fine outside the usual routine. And if "all the people" that mother trusts to babysit will be at the wedding---well, sounds like several people could help entertain the kid if needed, like -worst case- take him outside for a little walk. Many toddlers this age will (somewhat) understand when to be quiet and are often interested in what's going on--if you tell them it's a very special day for auntie and her husband. Although he will have no real memories when he gets older -only from pictures-, it would be sad for the nephew to miss the wedding.
If I was the sister I would not be able to attend the wedding for the same reason. My son is a tornado and needs a steady schedule, otherwise he is even more all over the place. Does not fall asleep in the stroller. Also I could not find a new babysitter and build the rapport with them (I’m short on money, only my dad babysits). I would try asking if the time could be shifted and if not we’d come later and (I like to think) I would not make a big deal out of it. If feels as though the sisters have some unresolved business and are equally hurt by what’s happening.
Why would you be asking if the time could be shifted? The wedding times are set when the bookings are made, they can't change it randomly and destroy the entire schedule for one person.
Load More Replies...
Hell no. I'm a mum. I have attended weddings with a two year old in tow. I've done it once with an 18month old, once with a 2 year old and 4 month old and once with a 4 and 2 year old. Never ever would I expect the couple to reorganise a wedding around their nap schedules. Go ahead with your wedding. When people ask why she is not there, just shrug and say apparently the wedding conflicted with nephews nap schedule. People will come to the right conclusion.
Really? She can dress the toddler before his nap, lay him to sleep in a stroller and then attend the ceremony with a sleeping or well-rested toddler. Or she wakes him earlier in the morning, so that he is ready for his nap earlier. Or she arrived later, as soon as he is awake. This is so not a problem.
you are thinking like someone that wants to go. the sister is just doing a powerplay to show she can control even someone elses wedding, because she is that important.
Load More Replies... My daughter slept when she was tired. It worked for us and for her. I get for some people and parents a schedule is better for them but being this rigid is a bit ridiculous, things happen in life that might mean your son can't nap at that time! It's not the end of the world for 1 day!
Sister is not the type to have this be her only demand. If you change the time, there will be more accomodations to cause drama. A gift if she stays away,.
I have a SIL just like this. It's actually less drama if she misses the wedding and pouts than attends and creates a scene.
The sleeping schedule will change couple of times before the wedding date. No need to change the time.
While missing a nap CAN make a toddler lose their mind, there are times you're just going to have to be flexible. The sister seems to think she's the only person in the world who's ever had a 2 year old. Get him up early and start his nap sooner. They can't tell time!
So 12-2 is a slotted spot till the little napper starts school? I would schedule every family function at lunchtime, no more Lisa!
You're not wrong; you're right. Stand your ground firmly and politely. Accept that your sister and mother will try to blackmail you emotionally. Realise that by behaving the way they do, they don't really care about you nor your wedding. I'm sorry for that, but best wishes for you and your soon-to-be husband.
I get the Mum- if you have a kid who does not sleep well nap time is sacred. And I bet the bride would be the first to complain if the toddler was grizzly and overtired at the wedding. But I can also see the bride's side - babysitter for nao time? There is no winner here. Just a lot of losing out...
Better off without entitled sister attending. Being so inflexible in nap times is ridiculous. What does she do if the kid if he doesn't fall asleep "on time"? Or wake up "on time? I believe she just doesn't want to bother going.
What a bridezilla. The kids wants to nap. Tell all the guests it starts an hour later. They come at 1 pm. Oh sorry. Today Jantje had a regulate day so he went to bed at 12.30. We will start at 2 now. Oh no problem. Sleep is so important. We'll wait in the car! We have nothing to do all day anyway and hey it's only a stupid wedding.
My wretched cow of a sister (who the entire family had since disowned) bitched the whole time at my wedding that it was taking too long because she wanted to go to a nightclub. I was married in another country (the home country of my then husband because he had a large family) and she was the only family member I had there with me. And she acted the whole like my wedding was an imposition & interfering with her social plans. Years later she got married and asked me to be her MOH and I refused- I was too busy for her shenanigans
Talk about entitlement! Why does she think the whole world revolves around her and her kid? I really feel sorry for that kid.
I won't be upset if I were you. "Oh wow, I had no idea. We can't just mess with a toddler's nap time, can we?" It's like the trash taking itself out 😂
It's a pity the grandmother doesn't encourage the mother to relax and trust that the kid will manage a different schedule for auntie's special day. With the first child, mothers may lack the confidence that things will work fine outside the usual routine. And if "all the people" that mother trusts to babysit will be at the wedding---well, sounds like several people could help entertain the kid if needed, like -worst case- take him outside for a little walk. Many toddlers this age will (somewhat) understand when to be quiet and are often interested in what's going on--if you tell them it's a very special day for auntie and her husband. Although he will have no real memories when he gets older -only from pictures-, it would be sad for the nephew to miss the wedding.
If I was the sister I would not be able to attend the wedding for the same reason. My son is a tornado and needs a steady schedule, otherwise he is even more all over the place. Does not fall asleep in the stroller. Also I could not find a new babysitter and build the rapport with them (I’m short on money, only my dad babysits). I would try asking if the time could be shifted and if not we’d come later and (I like to think) I would not make a big deal out of it. If feels as though the sisters have some unresolved business and are equally hurt by what’s happening.
Why would you be asking if the time could be shifted? The wedding times are set when the bookings are made, they can't change it randomly and destroy the entire schedule for one person.
Load More Replies...
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