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Woman Spoils BF On His Birthday, Starts Getting The Ick When She Gets Petrol Money As “Gift” Back
In many relationships, the imbalance doesn’t show up as conflict or obvious wrongdoing. Instead, it appears through missed milestones, unmade plans, and the realization that one person is always doing the emotional steering.
When one partner consistently takes the lead while the other remains passive, the relationship can begin to feel less like a shared journey and more like a solo effort with company and today’s Original Poster (OP) found herself in that situation. After a series of events, she began questioning the future of their relationship.
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
Feeling unappreciated in a relationship is one of the quietest but most corrosive frustrations a person can face
Image credits: BETZY AROSEMENA / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The author left her emotionally toxic husband five years ago and has three children, whom she shares custody of
Image credits: Michele De Pascalis / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
She met her current boyfriend a year ago, introduced him to her kids seven months in, and they started dating, sharing hobbies like hiking
Image credits: TheStandingDesk / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Early in the relationship, she celebrated his birthday with a thoughtful meal and gifts, while her own birthday was underwhelming
Image credits: Dahl46
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Over the year, the boyfriend frequently emphasized splitting costs like petrol, avoided taking her out for meals, and ignored special occasions, including their one-year anniversary
Image credits: Dahl46
Amidst recent family crises and stress with her teens, she felt disconnected and unappreciated
After leaving an emotionally toxic marriage, the OP, a mother of three cautiously stepped back into dating. A year ago, she met a man her age who was kind, outdoorsy, and good with her kids. She shared that she often showed up fully and for his birthday which was two months into the relationship, she planned a thoughtful evening with gifts and a special meal.
Her own birthday which was nine months into the relationship, however, told a different story. At first, he hyped up her gift, which turned out to be modest earrings and a meal that felt rushed and incomplete. He then added that part of her present would be a regular hike that weekend, complete with a reminder she wouldn’t have to pay half for petrol.
Disappointed, she told him that it didn’t feel like a present, and that while it didn’t have to be expensive, it could be more thoughtful. Her boyfriend apologized, promised to do better, and acknowledged the misstep. However, over time, she noticed he rarely initiated dates, never treated her to a meal, and often emphasized splitting costs.
And then, a traumatic incident involving her teenage daughter left her emotionally shattered, with police involvement and medical concern. Despite knowing how fragile she was, he didn’t call, and this left her upset. As their one-year anniversary arrived, he said nothing instead and only talked about mundane things. This left her reeling and wondering if she was unreasonable for being upset.
Image credits: Look Studio / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Relationship experts suggest that situations like this often stem from mismatched emotional needs rather than a single missed celebration. Psychicare explains that differences in love languages such as valuing thoughtfulness and effort over practical or transactional gestures can leave one partner feeling unappreciated, even when the other believes they are contributing.
In relationships like the one described, this misalignment can slowly build resentment, turning everyday interactions into moments of quiet disappointment rather than connection, and that emotional gap can feel even wider during stressful periods.
According to The Skimm, emotional labor such as checking in, offering comfort, and sharing the mental load matters most during crises. Consistent presence and empathy signal true partnership, especially in blended families like the OP’s. When that support feels one-sided, they warn that resentment can build quickly.
Finally, research cited by Psychology Today reinforces why milestones like anniversaries often carry emotional weight. Couples who regularly acknowledge and celebrate each other’s milestones report stronger trust and emotional intimacy. In this context, missing an anniversary isn’t just about the date, it can symbolize a deeper lack of recognition and emotional attunement within the relationship.
What do you think about this situation? Do you think expecting small gestures or thoughtful celebrations is fair in a relationship, or is it “too much”? We would love to know your thoughts!
Netizens insisted that the author might be blowing things out of proportion, while others encouraged her to take a step back from the relationship and reassess it
What do you think ?
Kate Johnson 5 hours ago
A classic case of "He's just not that into you". She''s clearly a space filler whose desperation is coming off her in droves.
Ace 9 hours ago
There's a lot going on here, but a red flag from the OP is - how would she even know that the earrings he bought here were twenty quid off Etsy? Implies that she was bothered enough by their value that she had to go and check. . . . I
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 hours ago
I used to buy a lot of stuff from Etsy. Depending on the seller, they may package the item nicely inside the shipping box - earrings inside a cute little jewelry box or a fancy mesh bag. A lot of the time, sellers include a cute little "thank you" card or a business card with their Etsy name/a coupon code if you buy from their shop again, so it may have been excruciatingly obvious the earrings were from Etsy if the seller popped a little business card into the mesh bag they came in. Or, if OP's boyfriend is oblivious (as certain members of my family are), he may have just wrapped the ENTIRE BOX that the item came in and handed it to her - which means the invoice/receipt from the Etsy seller would still be in the box for OP to see. I've got an example of an Etsy seller's "business card" around here somewhere - will take a pic and attach it to this comment to show what I mean.
Load More Replies...
Marnie 6 hours ago (edited)
It's not a f*****g anniversary. Well, every day is an anniversary of SOMETHING. It's a very new thing to celebrate week, month, and year anniversaries of girl/boyfriends. Which day do you even celebrate? OP thinks it's just obvious you celebrate the day you met. For some, it might be the day they became monogamous, or first kiss, or first s*x. It wasn't that long ago when even wedding anniversaries were not made out to be a huge deal, except maybe milestone anniversaries (10, 20, 50, etc.). A card, maybe flowers or a small gift, maybe go out to eat. But now, the anniversary of the first day two people met is just supposed to be KNOWN as big huge deal that must be celebrated. Instagram/internet braggarts have given everybody way too high of an expectation. I would never date someone who would insist on even thinking of such "anniversaries". So ridiculous.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 hours ago (edited)
When I was 17 years old and first started dating, it was exciting (and cute) to "celebrate" your "6-month anniversary" or whatnot with your boyfriend/girlfriend. I was so new to dating that it was a fun little thing - WHEN I WAS 17 XD My now-ex and I would sometimes do anniversary stuff, but we never had a literal official "day" we started dating (and we couldn't even remember the literal day we met), so it was always like both of us going "::shrug:: idk, halfway through December sometime? sounds good" and just calling whatever day we went out to get dinner our "anniversary dinner". Now that I'm in my 40s, I can't imagine making a huge deal over "squeeeee we've been dating for a year! let's celebrate!" like I did when I was a teenager, but to each their own XD
Load More Replies... Kate Johnson 5 hours ago
A classic case of "He's just not that into you". She''s clearly a space filler whose desperation is coming off her in droves.
Ace 9 hours ago
There's a lot going on here, but a red flag from the OP is - how would she even know that the earrings he bought here were twenty quid off Etsy? Implies that she was bothered enough by their value that she had to go and check. . . . I
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 hours ago
I used to buy a lot of stuff from Etsy. Depending on the seller, they may package the item nicely inside the shipping box - earrings inside a cute little jewelry box or a fancy mesh bag. A lot of the time, sellers include a cute little "thank you" card or a business card with their Etsy name/a coupon code if you buy from their shop again, so it may have been excruciatingly obvious the earrings were from Etsy if the seller popped a little business card into the mesh bag they came in. Or, if OP's boyfriend is oblivious (as certain members of my family are), he may have just wrapped the ENTIRE BOX that the item came in and handed it to her - which means the invoice/receipt from the Etsy seller would still be in the box for OP to see. I've got an example of an Etsy seller's "business card" around here somewhere - will take a pic and attach it to this comment to show what I mean.
Load More Replies... Marnie 6 hours ago (edited)
It's not a f*****g anniversary. Well, every day is an anniversary of SOMETHING. It's a very new thing to celebrate week, month, and year anniversaries of girl/boyfriends. Which day do you even celebrate? OP thinks it's just obvious you celebrate the day you met. For some, it might be the day they became monogamous, or first kiss, or first s*x. It wasn't that long ago when even wedding anniversaries were not made out to be a huge deal, except maybe milestone anniversaries (10, 20, 50, etc.). A card, maybe flowers or a small gift, maybe go out to eat. But now, the anniversary of the first day two people met is just supposed to be KNOWN as big huge deal that must be celebrated. Instagram/internet braggarts have given everybody way too high of an expectation. I would never date someone who would insist on even thinking of such "anniversaries". So ridiculous.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 hours ago (edited)
When I was 17 years old and first started dating, it was exciting (and cute) to "celebrate" your "6-month anniversary" or whatnot with your boyfriend/girlfriend. I was so new to dating that it was a fun little thing - WHEN I WAS 17 XD My now-ex and I would sometimes do anniversary stuff, but we never had a literal official "day" we started dating (and we couldn't even remember the literal day we met), so it was always like both of us going "::shrug:: idk, halfway through December sometime? sounds good" and just calling whatever day we went out to get dinner our "anniversary dinner". Now that I'm in my 40s, I can't imagine making a huge deal over "squeeeee we've been dating for a year! let's celebrate!" like I did when I was a teenager, but to each their own XD
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