Woman Shocked By BF’s “Toxic And Entangled” Family, Decides To Leave

Boundaries are essential in every relationship. They indicate what is and isn’t appropriate in people’s interactions. However, due to a lack of awareness, self-centered behavior, or unclear communication, some individuals may feel like they can test or violate them.

Like this woman, who constantly barged in unannounced with her kids to her brother’s house. Even though his girlfriend tried re-establishing their boundaries a few times, the family didn’t care, which made her take more extreme measures. 

Boundaries are there to establish what is and isn’t okay in a relationship

Woman looking concerned, highlighting relationship boundaries and family tensions.

Image credits: Daniel Martinez / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Unfortunately, this woman violated every limit her SIL tried to set, which resulted in the couple breaking up

Text discussing man choosing toxic sister over girlfriend impacting relationship dynamics.

Text describing a man choosing his toxic sister, causing issues with his girlfriend.

Text about toxic sister's parenting style and its effects on kids, testing boundaries and causing issues with GF.

Text about sibling boundary issues and choosing family over partner, featuring a child's anxiety moment.

Man in beige hoodie setting table, while woman in black shirt looks away, emphasizing relationship boundaries.

Image credits: Mesut çiçen / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Text about relationship issues with a toxic sister breaching boundaries and privacy concerns.

Text describing a woman's frustration with her partner prioritizing his toxic sister over her.

Text discussing a woman who constantly badmouths her ex and complains, despite having necessities like a home and car.

Text describes conflict with toxic sister testing boundaries over seafood boil dinner.

Child in distress with hands over face, green shirt, showing emotional struggle.

Image credits: Ksenia Makagonova / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Text discussing conflict over a man's choice between toxic sister and girlfriend.

Text message from girlfriend feeling defeated about man's toxic sister testing boundaries.

Text about a man's toxic sister testing boundaries, affecting his relationship with his girlfriend.

Text reads, "AITA if I leave? I feel like I'm failing for not fighting for our relationship.

Image credits: Own_Information9013

“Boundaries let others know how they should treat us and how far they can go”

When a person ignores a negative response from others, does the opposite of what they were asked, or mocks the requests they receive, they’re violating boundaries. Knowing when someone trespasses on other people’s limits is important to maintaining healthy relationships. 

“Boundaries let others know how they should treat us and how far they can go,” says clinical and educational psychologist, Aura De Los Santos. “They are a form of security we have against what we do not want in our life. Boundaries protect us from situations we don’t want to be in and provide us with well-being and satisfaction,” she says.

In any relationship, boundaries might be disrespected because they weren’t communicated clearly or confidently enough. Any hesitation or confusion can invite others to violate them. People might also be more likely to test the limits if they aren’t reinforced every time they’re disrespected. In case they don’t suffer any consequences for their disrespectful behavior, it can motivate them to do it next time too. It’s also possible that the person who violates boundaries lacks self-awareness and how it affects others. 

With a more particular example, like the in-laws, it could be that the partner’s family members overstep boundaries because they see it as a way to maintain control over their family dynamics or decisions, as change in family structure or roles can be frightening. 

Person lying on a couch, covering face in frustration, illustrating relationship stress from toxic family boundaries.

Image credits: Hrant Khachatryan / unsplash (not the actual photo)

When establishing boundaries with in-laws, the partner’s support is very important

When establishing or re-establishing boundaries with in-laws, the partner’s support is very important. It’s even better if the couple creates limits together, which allows them to grow and become one unit rather than being separated. 

A starting point should be to address the issue that is bothering the couple. Then discuss it together. The partner whose family is perhaps a bit too controlling or intrusive still sees them as an important part of their life, so it’s important to talk openly about these issues before bringing them to the in-laws. 

Then, if the couple agrees that there’s a boundary that needs to be established, they should talk about it with the family. The in-laws may find it hard to understand the reason they’re feeling that way so it’s important to explain why they think their behaviors have a negative impact on their lives. After they communicate this sensibly, they should be clear and firm about the limits they want to set and add potential consequences if they’re violated. 

In case this isn’t helpful, other alternative boundaries might be established, like limiting how much time is spent together or avoiding talking about certain topics.

At times, setting boundaries might feel like an uphill battle, but don’t lose your patience. “If you plan to have a long-term relationship, play the long game,” says Erin Rayburn, a couples therapist and founder of Evergreen Therapy. “Try to make incremental changes and be gracious to your partner’s family. It’s important to remember that regardless of how you feel, they are your loved one’s family and you need to keep that in mind for the good of your relationship with your partner.”

Couple holding hands, wearing casual denim jeans, symbolizing relationship challenges.

Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / unsplash (not the actual photo)

The author provided more details in the comments

Online discussion about relationships and boundaries between a man, his girlfriend, and his toxic sister.

Screenshot of a conversation discussing leaving a toxic situation and securing personal belongings.

Screenshot of an online discussion about lease agreements and relationship issues.

Most readers justified the original poster’s behavior

Reddit comments discussing a man's choice of toxic family over girlfriend, with concerns about relationship priorities.

Reddit comment discussing relationship advice about choosing between toxic family and girlfriend.

Comment advising to leave toxic sister situation; 15.3k points, 5 days ago.

Reddit comment discussing conflict between family and girlfriend, suggesting separation might be best.

Reddit comment about a man's choice between his toxic sister and girlfriend, advising to leave an untenable situation.

Text about a man prioritizing his toxic sister over his girlfriend, who is setting firm boundaries.

Reddit comment discussing toxic sister testing boundaries in relationship tensions.

Reddit comment advising someone unhappy in a relationship to walk away and not support their partner financially.

Text post about toxic sister testing boundaries in a relationship.

Comment discussing toxic sister testing boundaries with family issues.

Online comment advising someone about dealing with a toxic sister and relationship boundaries.

Text message advising someone to leave due to a toxic sister testing boundaries.

Reddit comment discussing relationship advice about a man's toxic sister affecting his girlfriend.

Comment discussing toxic family dynamics and relationship issues.

Comment discussing toxic sister's behavior and relationship issues on Reddit.

"Comment advising someone unhappy in a relationship with no privacy to leave immediately.

Reddit comment discussing man's toxic sister testing boundaries, urging girlfriend to leave.

While others thought that she was a jerk for staying with the guy for so long

Reddit comment discussing relationship issues with a partner choosing a toxic sister over his girlfriend.

Comment discussing relationship boundaries with toxic family.

Reddit comment discussing relationship conflict over family boundaries.

Screenshot of a comment discussing a toxic sibling relationship, urging someone to leave now.

Later, the woman posted an update

A woman looks distressed as another person touches her shoulder, symbolizing toxic family dynamics and relationship tension.

Image credits: Nini FromParis / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Text update showing gratitude for advice on toxic sister testing boundaries issue.

Text on a white background discussing the helpfulness and support of a best friend in times of need.

Text mentioning home office moving and packing process.

Text discussing a man's choice involving a toxic sibling and his girlfriend, mentioning furniture decisions and consequences.

Text detailing man choosing his sister, dealing with landlord, and storage; struggles with boundaries in family relationships.

Moving boxes stacked in a room, symbolizing family boundary challenges.

Image credits: Michal Balog / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Text about gratitude and solitude, mentioning plans for a thank-you gift.

Text detailing steps taken to remove a person from accounts after issues with toxic boundaries in relationships.

Text expressing a woman's decision to stay in a hotel and find a new place to avoid a toxic sister testing boundaries.

Text message exchange about boundaries and breaking up over a sofa dispute.

Text about relationship conflicts involving a man's toxic sister and his girlfriend's reaction.

Text describing feelings of hurt and disposability in a relationship involving toxic family dynamics.

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