Mom Snatches Daughter From MIL’s Hands: “I Don’t Want My In-Laws To Hold My Baby”

After parents welcome a new baby into their family, it’s a given that loved ones will want to meet and hold the little bundle of joy. However, such visits can get quickly overwhelming, as parents instinctively worry about their child’s well-being and safety while having many people around.

This mom was particularly anxious about germs infecting her daughter. It got to a point where she felt uncomfortable letting her in-laws hold her. Amidst one gathering, she even scrambled to go home on the verge of tears because the aunt’s fingers somehow ended up in the baby’s mouth.

Not all parents feel comfortable letting other people hold their newborns

Grandmother happily holding a smiling baby in a white onesie indoors.

Image credits: koldunova_anna / freepik

Just like this mom, whose germaphobia became so intense she didn’t want to let her daughter near her in-laws

Mom upset about in-laws holding her baby during a family gathering, expressing frustration in a conversation.

Text about a mom concerned with germs, hesitant about in-laws holding her baby during flu season.

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Mom expressing frustration about in-laws holding her baby, highlighting family boundaries and protective instincts.

Mother holding baby, looking stressed in the kitchen, with in-laws not holding the child.

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

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“Parents should always be careful regarding visitors with a newborn during the first two months of life”

Mother holding baby's feet gently, emphasizing family bonds and protection.

Image credits: pvproductions / freepik (not the actual photo)

Parents are right to prioritize their newborn’s safety around other people, as their immune system isn’t strong enough to fight infections in the first few months of their life.

“Parents should always be careful regarding visitors with a newborn during the first two months of life,” says Dr. Ahmad Bailony, department chief of pediatrics at Sharp Chula Vista Medical Center. “Babies do not form their blood-brain barrier for about two months, and so they are at risk for more serious infections until that point.”

She notes that this doesn’t mean that no one can see the baby but it does imply that parents should have some boundaries and safety precautions in place so visitors can meet them without risking the well-being of the little one. 

However, putting our own needs first can be challenging, as it might feel like we are hurting our loved ones with our selfishness. “The tricky thing with boundaries is parents bend to ensure other people’s needs are met and wind up putting their own needs on the back burner,” said pediatric psychologist Dr. Laura Hlavaty.

“Imposing boundaries can feel selfish because the only person you’re pleasing is yourself, but in actuality, it’s prioritizing your family’s needs. You may not want to hurt a loved one’s feelings, but not speaking up hurts your feelings, creates conflict and can foster resentment in the long run.”

“The more steps taken to reduce the risk of infection, the better”

Hand sanitizer being sprayed onto an outstretched palm by a gloved hand in a bright setting.

Image credits: Drazen Zigic / freepik (not the actual photo)

To help manage visitation expectations Dr. Bailony recommends having mindful planning, timely communication, and a support system with a partner. 

Before a newborn meets other people for the first time, parents should ask them about their vaccination status and whether they’ve been near someone who has been sick or experienced flu-like symptoms. If they feel unwell or have been around ill people, there are other ways they can be updated on the baby’s life, like having a virtual visit or sharing photos and videos. 

“Flu and COVID vaccination, hand-washing and having good ventilation, such as an outdoor environment, all help reduce the risk of a newborn getting sick,” says Dr. Bailony. 

Another tip he has is to limit visitors and take additional precautions like taking a COVID test before arriving, having disposable masks and providing hand sanitizer, or a place to wash hands often. 

“The good news is that serious infections in newborns are rare,” Dr. Bailony says. “However, we are still seeing children, including newborns, infected with COVID-19, flu and RSV. I would still take every precaution possible to lessen the chance a newborn gets sick, as newborns have weak and undeveloped immune systems. So, the more steps taken to reduce the risk of infection, the better.”

Readers believed that mom’s level of anxiety isn’t standard

A comment questioning issues with in-laws holding a baby, expressing surprise at the mother's concerns.

Text comment about family anxiety and seeking professional help, posted by Spaceid.

Comment expressing stress and anxiety over in-laws, sharing concern about someone's negative feelings towards them.

Text response addressing concerns about in-laws holding a baby, mentioning fear of germs and suggesting contacting a GP.

Text discussing anxiety over in-laws holding a baby, suggesting self-reflection and addressing personal issues.

Text message about a mom's reaction to in-laws holding her baby, discussing overreacting and family relationships.

Comment discussing mental health and anxiety in parenting situation.

Comment discussing concerns about baby's hygiene and parental anxiety.

Comment by user Daffodilsup about parenting concerns involving in-laws.

Text discussing the benefits of baby interacting with family for building immune system and confidence.

Text conversation about boundaries with in-laws holding a baby.

Text discussing the risks and social aspects of not allowing in-laws to hold a baby.

Text comment expressing concern about taking children to pubs during lockdown.

Text discussing baby immunity and family exposure to germs for health benefits.

Text discussing reasons for not allowing in-laws to hold or kiss babies, citing health concerns and RSV.

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