“Hard No”: Woman’s Question About “Western Wedding Etiquette” Gets Massive Online Response
It’s common knowledge that the bride is the only woman who gets to wear white to a wedding. If someone else wears that color, it can be perceived as an attempt to steal her spotlight. But what about similar shades of white, such as tan, cream, or nude?
A woman named Tanya Bella sparked a conversation about wedding etiquette after she showed a white-ish dress she was planning on wearing to upcoming weddings.
- Tanya Bella initiated a debate on wedding etiquette with a dress some deem too white for guest attire.
- She sought advice due to her experience with Indian weddings, which have different attire norms.
- Comments varied, with some saying the dress is inappropriate, while others thought it acceptable.
“I need your help. I got the most beautiful dress in the mail,” she said in a video, wearing the gown in question.
“I am absolutely obsessed with it, but do we feel like this color is okay to wear to a wedding?”
“In person, it looks tan-cream-nude. I’m hoping because I’m dark, it doesn’t look white.”
Tanya Bella sparked a conversation about wedding etiquette after she showed a white-ish dress she was planning on wearing to a wedding
Image credits: tanyabellla
In the caption of the clip, the New York resident mentioned that she had only been to Indian weddings, so she wanted her followers’ advice on whether the dress could offend the bride.
In a subsequent video, Tanya said that she had bought the “absolutely perfect” dress for a family trip. Still, given its formal look, she figured it could also be appropriate for a wedding.
She also held up the dress next to a white skirt to prove that it was, in fact, tan instead of white.
“I am absolutely obsessed with it, but do we feel like this color is okay to wear to a wedding?”
Image credits: tanyabellla
Additionally, she explained that there was no such thing as “upstaging the bride” at the weddings she attended in India.
“The concept does not exist. You’re basically encouraged to dress to the nines. They say red is off-limits, but people still wear red.”
“I know white isn’t allowed in Western weddings, but because it is so tan, I wasn’t sure. I’m not trying to sabotage anyone’s wedding.”
People rushed to the comments to voice their opinions on whether or not the dress crossed the line.
“Hard no. Gorgeous dress, tho,” someone wrote.
“NOT for a wedding. But definitely so gorrrrg for another event!!!” another TikTok user said.
Watch Tanya’s video below
@tanyabellla ive literally only been to indian weddings so sorry if its a dumb q #wedding #weddingoutfit ♬ original sound – Tanya
“In person, it looks tan-cream-nude,” she explained
Image credits: tanyabellla
A separate person reminded Tanya of a rule of thumb for making these kinds of decisions: “My policy is if you have to question it, then no.”
“It’s absolutely gorgeous, but I’m getting married this spring, and if someone wore this to my wedding, I would cry,” another user expressed.
Somebody else weighed in on the debate, writing, “That’s an engagement or rehearsal dinner dress for a bride.”
However, others judged that the dress wasn’t inappropriate for the event.
“I mean, as a 2024 bride, I don’t think anyone’s gonna be confused about who’s getting married if I’m the one walking down the aisle,” someone said.
“Hell yeah. People are way too precious,” another woman wrote, while another commented, “I feel like it’s perfect for a spring wedding. A lot of projecting in these comments here..”
In a subsequent video, she held up the dress next to a white skirt to prove that it was, in fact, tan instead of white
@tanyabellla Replying to @Stacey | Fashion Photographer adding some context :) please assume good intent. it truly is much tanner in person and to those who are stressed, i will not be wearing it! also ty to everyone who kindly responded! The dress is @Manning Cartell!! Also manning cartell, i love it and wouldnt mind getting the black one 🖤😭 #weddingguestdress ♬ original sound – Tanya
Why do so many of today’s brides wear white in the West? Queen Victoria’s 1840 wedding to Prince Albert is believed to have started the trend, according to Britannica.
Victoria reportedly opted for that color to show off the detailed Honiton lace produced by the British lace industry. Additionally, the delicate gown reflected purity and innocence.
In 1849, Godey’s Lady’s Book decreed “that white is the most fitting hue” for brides to wear, The Washington Post reported.
The American magazine—dubbed “the Vogue of the Victorian world”— said that the color was an “emblem of the purity and innocence of girlhood, and the unsullied heart she now yields to the chosen one.”
Before that, brides used to wear different colors for practical reasons. They thought it convenient to buy a wedding dress that could be worn again, or they simply wore the best dress they already owned.
People had varying opinions about whether or not the dress crossed the line
It 100% looks like what would go UNDER a dress! And I agree, if you have to ask, do not wear it. PS don't wear just underwear to a wedding, its tacky
True!!! The dress is an offensive color. And it’s more offensive to try to blame it on “westerners taking over the world of wedding opinions.” Also, the slit alone on her leg is HIDEOUSLY sl***y for a wedding. Not even looking at the moulin rouge vibe for the bodice. I’m trying to picture the level of classlessness of a person to think THIS dress is appropriate for someone else’s wedding, regardless of color.
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"In person it looks tan." OK, but what colour will it look like in the wedding photos?
The post alone is enough to tell me she KNOWS what she’s doing. The audacity to seek approval from strangers before hurting someone who thought she was a friend…I hope the bride sees this in time to excise a wolf in sheep’s clothing (white sheep wool reference intended).
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My dear. The wedding is NOT ABOUT YOU!!!! Wear the dress to a different occasion where you can be the center of attention without upstaging the guest of honor or the hosts.
EXACTLY. Maybe the bride wouldn't care but unless you know for sure maybe adhere to the tradition at hand regardless of what your own culture thinks is okay.
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I mean IM not sure, everyone is pretty evenly split. Not to mention the clear statement that where she's from, "upstaging the bride" isnt a thing.
Load More Replies... I think that dress looks like an undergarment, not a complete dress, so maybe I'm biased, but either way when in doubt, ask the bride. Easy way to avoid unnecessary drama.
Look, it's a wedding. It's an important day for at least 2 people. If you're not sure, ask the bride for her advice. With "ask" I mean that you go something like "I like this dress very much, but would understand if you thought the colour/cut might not be appropriate to your wedding." The bride will be gratified you ask her, thus signalling that you realise how important the day is for her and you will know. Because you ask her, she might even give you the benefit of her doubt.
If you say to yourself, I don't know if I should wear this, 99% of the time it is a DON'T!
Load More Replies... I'm not much of a traditionalist and weddings and whatnot. If you don't care about people wearing white to YOUR wedding, more power to you. But if you're not going to check with the bride first or the bride hasn't explicitly stated they're ok with guests wearing white (or white adjacent), then do it. The day isn't about you anyways so I think you'll be fine being condsiderate and wearing something else for someone else's special day.
She thought her dark skin would make it look LESS white? That question alone tells me that she knows exactly what’s she’s doing. (She’s full of s*** and an frenemy at best.) Even wearing pale dusty rose is inappropriate. Also, IT DOESN’T MATTER IF ITS OKAY AT A WEDDING IN INDIA UNLESS YOU’RE IN INDIA. My goodness. She knows how bad her choice was based on the post: she was just looking for internet strangers to back her up after bride burst into tears.
One person in the original comments had it right, JUST ASK THE BRIDE. She is the ultimate arbiter, not some randos on the internet. If she's your friend you ask her. If she says No, then don't wear it. If she says Yes, then fill your boots.
My mother wanted to wear a white dress to my wedding. She and my sisters thought I was a bridezilla for saying no. My dress wasn't even white. It was cream.
White wedding dress was to show that the family could afford to have a white dress cleaned.
On behalf of this woman, I'd like to thank everyone that can't figure out when a Tiktok is meant to generate controversy and views. She can't say it outright, so I'm saying it for her. Thank you.
its absolutely not ok. if its a western wedding, you are required to adhere to western customs about weddings.
Confused how 70% of the answers are absolutely firm, but contradictory.
That’s what I do. Whenever I have an etiquette question I turn to the internet and ask for opinions. What could go wrong?
It 100% looks like what would go UNDER a dress! And I agree, if you have to ask, do not wear it. PS don't wear just underwear to a wedding, its tacky
True!!! The dress is an offensive color. And it’s more offensive to try to blame it on “westerners taking over the world of wedding opinions.” Also, the slit alone on her leg is HIDEOUSLY sl***y for a wedding. Not even looking at the moulin rouge vibe for the bodice. I’m trying to picture the level of classlessness of a person to think THIS dress is appropriate for someone else’s wedding, regardless of color.
Load More Replies... "In person it looks tan." OK, but what colour will it look like in the wedding photos?
The post alone is enough to tell me she KNOWS what she’s doing. The audacity to seek approval from strangers before hurting someone who thought she was a friend…I hope the bride sees this in time to excise a wolf in sheep’s clothing (white sheep wool reference intended).
Load More Replies... My dear. The wedding is NOT ABOUT YOU!!!! Wear the dress to a different occasion where you can be the center of attention without upstaging the guest of honor or the hosts.
EXACTLY. Maybe the bride wouldn't care but unless you know for sure maybe adhere to the tradition at hand regardless of what your own culture thinks is okay.
Load More Replies... I mean IM not sure, everyone is pretty evenly split. Not to mention the clear statement that where she's from, "upstaging the bride" isnt a thing.
Load More Replies... I think that dress looks like an undergarment, not a complete dress, so maybe I'm biased, but either way when in doubt, ask the bride. Easy way to avoid unnecessary drama.
Look, it's a wedding. It's an important day for at least 2 people. If you're not sure, ask the bride for her advice. With "ask" I mean that you go something like "I like this dress very much, but would understand if you thought the colour/cut might not be appropriate to your wedding." The bride will be gratified you ask her, thus signalling that you realise how important the day is for her and you will know. Because you ask her, she might even give you the benefit of her doubt.
If you say to yourself, I don't know if I should wear this, 99% of the time it is a DON'T!
Load More Replies... I'm not much of a traditionalist and weddings and whatnot. If you don't care about people wearing white to YOUR wedding, more power to you. But if you're not going to check with the bride first or the bride hasn't explicitly stated they're ok with guests wearing white (or white adjacent), then do it. The day isn't about you anyways so I think you'll be fine being condsiderate and wearing something else for someone else's special day.
She thought her dark skin would make it look LESS white? That question alone tells me that she knows exactly what’s she’s doing. (She’s full of s*** and an frenemy at best.) Even wearing pale dusty rose is inappropriate. Also, IT DOESN’T MATTER IF ITS OKAY AT A WEDDING IN INDIA UNLESS YOU’RE IN INDIA. My goodness. She knows how bad her choice was based on the post: she was just looking for internet strangers to back her up after bride burst into tears.
One person in the original comments had it right, JUST ASK THE BRIDE. She is the ultimate arbiter, not some randos on the internet. If she's your friend you ask her. If she says No, then don't wear it. If she says Yes, then fill your boots.
My mother wanted to wear a white dress to my wedding. She and my sisters thought I was a bridezilla for saying no. My dress wasn't even white. It was cream.
White wedding dress was to show that the family could afford to have a white dress cleaned.
On behalf of this woman, I'd like to thank everyone that can't figure out when a Tiktok is meant to generate controversy and views. She can't say it outright, so I'm saying it for her. Thank you.
its absolutely not ok. if its a western wedding, you are required to adhere to western customs about weddings.
Confused how 70% of the answers are absolutely firm, but contradictory.
That’s what I do. Whenever I have an etiquette question I turn to the internet and ask for opinions. What could go wrong?
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