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“Am I The Jerk For ‘Emasculating’ A Guy By Winning Against Him In A Game?”
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Relationships2 months ago

“Am I The Jerk For ‘Emasculating’ A Guy By Winning Against Him In A Game?”

Instead of winning, sometimes you show more character by accepting defeat. But this man just couldn’t take a loss and revealed how fragile his ego really is.

In a viral Reddit post published on the ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ community, user Forsaken-Treacle-654 said she and her husband invited another couple for an afternoon game of squash.

The two couples had been playing squash for the last few months but their friends, Rebecca and her boyfriend Joe, were newbies—which is nothing to be ashamed of. Whatever you do, you have to start somewhere. And everyone seemed to be aware of it and had fun enjoying a workout and each other’s company.

Everyone except Joe.

After losing a few times to a woman, his self-defense mechanism went into overdrive, trying to restore his inflated sense of worth.

This guy’s ego is so fragile, he couldn’t stand losing to a woman in a game of squash

Image credits: cburypix (not the actual photo)

And took all of his frustration out on other people, including his partner





Ian Robertson, Ph.D., who is a neuropsychologist and author of The Stress Test: How Pressure Can Make You Stronger and Sharper, said people’s desire for success and fear of failure depends on our instinct to seek rewards and avoid punishment.

It may sound simple, childish even, but Robertson pointed out that adults are also in the grip of these competing forces. Imagine you’re offered a new job with a higher salary than your current one but lower security. Your mind will oscillate between the rewards of bigger pay and the excitement of a new position on the one hand, and possible unemployment and failure on the other.

In Joe’s case, the punishment is emasculation, the reduction of his masculinity. However, if losing to a woman under any circumstances takes away his machismo, it has to be really weak to begin with.

Jeremy Sherman, who is a social science writer and researcher with a Ph.D. in evolutionary epistemology, and has extensively studied the nature of selves and effort, believes that fragile egos can make us dumb.

“Some people feel so entitled to ego-glory that there’s just no talking to them,” he said. “Raise any challenge to their fragile egos and they circle their wagons and declare war. That’s a problem. Having a fragile, bloated ego will stunt your growth.”

The problem is that nobody can just rationally opt to become egoless. It’s quite a big obstacle for all of us. “Humans have language which exposes us to way too many threats to our egos and affords us way too many ways for our egos to pep-talk their way back to an elevated status. Those people far away in your past, future or elsewhere who wouldn’t think you’re all that? Non-human organisms don’t have to contend with such sources of anxiety nor would they have the pep-talk means by which to sweep them under the carpet with ‘Well, they’re just wrong, evil, egotists who don’t know my true exulted worth.’ That’s a human thing. We can rationalize delusions of grandeur like no other critter.”

And by the looks of it, Joe is nowhere near even realizing he might have a problem.

People think the man acted like a sore loser




















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RaroaRaroa
Community Member
2 months ago

I can only assume Rebecca is constantly limiting herself to avoid Joe getting angry with her. He will make her life a misery by either crushing her completely into submission or raging (perhaps physically) against her every time she has some kind of success in life. She needs to get out now, as I can't imagine him agreeing to get help - that would definitely be too much for his ego.

Deanna Crichley
Community Member
2 months ago

She's limiting her ability to make and maintain friendships as well.

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Random Anon
Community Member
2 months ago

Really? Dude's ego has the fragility of a crystal wine glass. Y'know that logo they put on boxes labelled "Fragile"? He needs that permanently tattoo-ed on his forehead.

KombatBunni
Community Member
2 months ago

I’ll volunteer to do that.. the most painful way possible

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Bernd Herbert
Community Member
2 months ago

I’m a man, and I’m well aware that there are countless people in the world, men and women, who are better in certain areas than me. F**k that guy with his „ego“

Janis Rodman
Community Member
2 months ago

I can't believe folks are still concerned with this nonsense...dump him like a hot potato

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Katie Lutesinger
Community Member
2 months ago

I lost an egg and spoon race once and got really really angry because I SHOULD have won and it just wasn't FAIR! I hurled the stupid egg across the garden and sulked for the next hour. I was six years old at the time - what's this loser's excuse?

-
Community Member
2 months ago

Maybe he's a six-year-old boy trapped in a grown man's body. Which would make sex with this guy really, really icky.

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🦋vall🦋シ︎
Community Member
2 months ago

Small d**k vibes

I've been watching you since
Community Member
2 months ago

Lmao

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N Gregory
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

Additional comment from the OP, in case we needed further evidence of Joe being a disgusting baby: "My husband won against Joe as well and he didn't seem to mind it. He was asking my husband advice on his technique. But my husband is a man with broad shoulders meanwhile I'm an overweight woman, so I guess it's more shameful to lose against me. Joe didn't say anything bad to me, he directed everything towards Rebecca."

Tara Raay
Community Member
2 months ago

Like most pathetic little c***s that call themselves “men” or worse “alpha”🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

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Giovanna
Community Member
2 months ago

Tell me more about how women are allegedly the "weak sex"

RafCo
Community Member
2 months ago

Honestly, losing a match to a better player is much less harmful to my ego, than said player throwing the match to protect my wittle baby feewings. Also, the idea of playing squash makes my knees hurt. Rebecca will be in this slog for a few years yet. Hopefully she gets out before being seriously damaged.

Nemo
Community Member
2 months ago

Tell me you're abusive without telling me you're abusive. If he doesn't mind that her husband won, does mind that she won and takes it out on his girlfriend he just doesn't respect woman

laka puka
Community Member
2 months ago

These are the types of people that make men look bad

Michael ONeale
Community Member
2 months ago

Thank you...omg...thank you. I'm normally a nice guy; but Ive been known go out of my way to p**s boys like this off. For the sole purpose of introducing them to humble pie...I do try to be good.

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Eb
Community Member
2 months ago

Poor Rebecca, who has fallen into the trap of blaming anyone but her BF for his behaviour and herself for letting him get away with it. One of my biggest life lessons has been not walking on eggshells round anyone. Most of us who do it learned it young from having difficult parents, so a hard habit to break.

Gavin Johnson
Community Member
2 months ago

I’’ve got an 11 year old daughter who is a mean basketball player, we play in our yard and she whips me week in week out, am I there to win? Of course, she even allows me to over celebrate my infrequent points but you can bet on her for the match win. What am I really there for? Sport, fun and the never ending hope I get to within 5 points of her final score. If your ego can’t handle losing a game then just park your backside and let those who know how to participate properly get on with it. No one is too good to lose, your age, sex, colour of hair, number of fingers or indeed toes makes no difference, when you meet someone better, fitter, faster or smarter than you then all you do is play, play for the enjoyment of sharing and learning their tricks, get better, laugh about it, earn the next point and realise that you ain’t playing in a SuperBowl or an FA Cip Final. Even more important than that, leave any disappointment on the court, taking it out on someone else is just weak.

Stephanie Goadsby
Community Member
2 months ago

Good on you! Being challenged in anything by anyone only makes us better players of the game. It's the only way to really improve our skills. Not only that but you are creating a true bond and a wonderful example to your daughter. As the James Baldwin quote goes, "Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them."

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Inclusion2020
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe is a total dumpster fire, he needs to go find himself a broom to date. although, he might be intimidated if he dates a Swiffer, he’d better stick with good ole dollar store brooms.

Lily
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

Joe will become an abuser, controlling and manipulating - if he isn't already. Rebecca is also empowering him by her behavior - watch out when he gets angry, he will hit.

Pinkpanda
Community Member
2 months ago

Sounds like she's not the first to validate this behavior

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Nicole A
Community Member
2 months ago

OP is NTA especially since Joe was ok with losing to the husband. He's obviously got issues with losing to women. I will just say though that if the two teams are so vastly mismatched with beginners vs experts, don't expect a lot of playing with them in the future, even if he didn't act like a baby. It's not that fun to play when you know you'll never have a chance to win against someone with years of experience on you. I wouldn't expect elementary students to have much fun playing against a high school team. It's also not that challenging to play if you're the experts playing against new players. The high school team isn't learning any skills playing against the elementary kids. I understand this was a friendly game but if I'm playing against friends who don't know the game well (op admitted this was GF and Joe's first few games ever) I'll hold off a bit so both parties can have some fun. It's a friendly game between friends, not the Olympics.

-
Community Member
2 months ago

Also, if friends realize that playing together wasn't a great idea, the good ones will show grace in saying so. Examples: "I think I'll wait until I've had some practice on my own before playing again" or "I can give you pointers if you're interested". If people can't find the words right away, they can sleep on it, then think of how to word or how to respond to another invitation.

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Bittersweetie
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

This could have been solved by saying "Emasculate. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means"🤺

Michael ONeale
Community Member
2 months ago

Can't help myself... inconceivable

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Best behave....
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe basically wants women to let him win. He feels entitled. If he'll behave like this on the most trivial thing, how will that play out on the important issues d'y think?

Eb
Community Member
2 months ago

It's an interesting question. Maybe he believes simply being male means he should win at any physical challenge. The test is whether he's only like this with women or with men as well.

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Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

Joe is toxic and a potential physical abuser once the verbal abuse escalates—-and it always escalates. Rebecca is being gaslit into believing Joe is never at fault, but everyone else is. She is in the first stages of an abusive relationship. Eventually, Joe will start hitting her because someone else, most likely a woman who is simply better than he is at something, made him feel “emasculated” or “challenged” and he’s whipped himself up into a real fury and she’s the nearest target. God forbid Rebecca ever succeeds at something and Joe thinks she’s the one “emasculating” him, as she could end up dead (it’s actually happened, so therefore isn’t outside the realm of real possibility). The OP just needs to gently reinforce to Rebecca that, when she’s ready to get Joe out of her life, the OP—-and everyone else she can gather to help—-will be right there by her side to make sure Joe doesn’t decide that’s emasculating and take out his rage on her. Abused women need to keep people around them as a shield against their abusers, until the danger of retaliation passes, or to help them quietly leave town and change her name to get away if it doesn’t (kind of like a civilian version of witness protection). OP should also strongly advise Rebecca not to ever marry Joe, no matter how “sweet” he starts to act, because it is just an act to manipulate her, and especially not to have a baby with him, so that when she leaves all ties to Joe can be permanently severed.

APL
Community Member
2 months ago

Aww diddums. Sounds like he got cranky because he had missed his nap.

Bekah
Community Member
2 months ago

This reminds me of one of my uncles. He talks himself up like he's the best at everything he does. And the sulks when he loses. When I was a young teen he wanted to play a fighting game on his PS. I won the first game. He says he's off his game and we need to go another round...ok I won the second game. Suddenly his controllers not working properly and thats why he lost. Suddenly I'm being skipped for turns now. He then makes fun of me as "joking" when I decide to leave the room because what's the point if he doesn't want me to play anymore? The. I'm the bad guy cause I left for being left out lol 😅 He also does this on boardgames. The men in my family would all play Risk together on holidays. They eventually gave up playing because my uncle would get mad when he would loose and would say everyone was ganging up on him to make him loose. Now he gets mad that no one wants to stay and play the boardgame. He also doesn't understand why no one wants to ever play with him. He's 50 now 🙄

Kiryn Silverwing
Community Member
1 month ago

I mean, I don't like losing at video games or board games either, but that's why I don't play competitive ones. Co-op board games exist and are great. Maybe you need to introduce your uncle to Spirit Island or Gloomhaven?

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Nikole
Community Member
2 months ago

Ah, the old dog walk challenge... Classic.

Michael ONeale
Community Member
2 months ago

I can be a little over competitive sometimes but I've just wasted time trying to make "wanna walk the dog with us?" sound like a challenge...failed...sorry

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Kathy Kitsune
Community Member
2 months ago

Im sorry but what did i just read?? "You challenged me to a dog walk!" Um okay? Sooo you insecure about yourself? What i have assessed is the mirror effect between Rebecca and said other female. The dude was a sore loser thus he must be in control and must look better in the picture. Sooo super toxic immature adult aka Rebeccas boyfriend. I hope she dumps him and good on you advising her to get reality check i hope all turned out fine in the end

Drea Benoit
Community Member
2 months ago

This is what comes from men using women as a means to insult other men (and also just the idea that we’re inferior at everything in general). Feminizing male names as an insult, saying things like “you throw like a girl”, etc. Recently on this site John Cena was derogatorily called John Xina, which was said to mean “Christina”…Nobody seemed to bat an eye at that. Men invented the whole notion that losing to a girl is the ultimate humiliation, yet women are the ones expected to change to accommodate this ridiculous notion, at the expense of our own dignity. And women have been doing this forever, and many still don’t even see the issue. It’s literally The Who Killed Hannibal meme irl

Suzi Q
Community Member
2 months ago

OP's not responsible for protecting his fragile ego, nor is she responsible with how he handled the result. I hope Rebecca wises up and dumps him instead of expecting everyone else to make him feel masculine.

Yasmin Mazur
Community Member
2 months ago

That is a guy that really needs some treatment - there is no shame in losing to a woman. There is shame in thinking you are better than the opposite sex just because of their gender. The partner should make it clear to him that he needs to work on himself and his sense of self, or leave him before he starts to feel threatened by her and attacking.

Stephanie Goadsby
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

I'm reminded of one of my funniest recollections playing a singles game of darts during a league game. The guy I was playing turns to his captain and says how easy it's going to be to win because I am a woman. His captain tries to warn him that I'm pretty good but he was certain of his victory. The match was best 2/3, and I won 2 straight. Hit the last double, turned, shook his hand and said "good games" and joined the rest of my team. I don't know what was funnier, the look of shock on his face, or the smile his captain gave him. My only hope from that experience is that he gained an appreciation that gender doesn't equate to skill and to always act with grace.

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-
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

Years back, a man brought a woman who lifted weights to a party. He pretty much bragged that she beat him at arm-wrestling. They were the same height, but he really admired her dedication and thought it was really cool to encounter a strong woman. Not saying men should be this graceful when a woman beats them at a game, but "good game!" is very nice and "Wow, how long have you been playing?" would be fine, too.

Tracy Sellars
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe needs his dummy and to have a time out in the naughty corner.

Snowfoxrox
Community Member
2 months ago

If you are dating someone and want to know what kind of human being they are, take them out to shoot pool. You will learn pretty much everything about their personality in 3 games. She was NTA! Rebecca needs to see him for the giant walking red flag that he is!!

Lara Verne
Community Member
2 months ago

Lol is Joe a toddler?

Pas VotreAffaire
Community Member
2 months ago

And women are so often accused of being 'too emotional'....

Pinkpanda
Community Member
2 months ago

Anytime the word "emasculate" is involved with these AITA posts, it's a red flag. Almost always can replace it with "felt bad", which has nothing to do with being a man or related to masculinity or existing in reality and understanding individual strengths or weaknesses. It assumes strength or prowess because of being a man, which is an inherently false and toxic way of thinking.

anthony moring
Community Member
2 months ago

This guy gives me some "I've been kicked out of Dave & Busters" vibes.

Dina Anastasakos
Community Member
2 months ago

Clearly Joe is a massive loser. But what about Rebecca, coming after her friend like that! She needs help but the OP cannot do anyrhing until Rebecca realizes she is in an abusive relationship. Until then l don't see why the OP has to take the abuse from her.

CMDR unematti
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe needs to grow the F up.

Dre Mosley
Community Member
2 months ago

SMH. If losing a game to a woman and a "challenging" walk is all it took to emasculate him, then he's pathetic and his GF should indeed open her eyes, dump him, and move on. You let your small children beat you at a game, not grown men.

Dave Hinckley
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe needs to go. That's not how adults are supposed to be.

A B C (yes I'm back)
Community Member
2 months ago

And another AITA case that's about as controverse as "is water wet?" 🙄

UpQuarkDownQuark
Community Member
2 months ago

The real question is “is water the @sshole for being wet?”

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LagoonaBlueColleen
Community Member
2 months ago

I keep getting told there is no feminine and masculine. In that case a man cannot be emasculated.

Giovanna
Community Member
2 months ago

Of course, but HE evidently felt he had been emasculated, so

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Houseof No
Community Member
2 months ago

Don't be a sore loser or a sore winner. Don't gloat. Don't rub it in. Friendship ought to be worth more than a silly game or competition.

Cryptic Shimmer
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe obviously had a small d*ck. Rebecca got mad at YOU because her man was acting like a child? Girl, byeeeee.

Caryn Zent
Community Member
2 months ago

nta. ridiculous.

Seabeast
Community Member
2 months ago

Imagine if she marries him and they have children. She'll blame the children for his behaviour if he abuses them. "Well, it's your own fault for making him mad."

Hoodoo
Community Member
2 months ago

Codependent much? Let's everyone jump up & run around so Poopsie- butt can cope w/ reality...And we're how old?! Rebecca ought see a psych. She's in for abject misery if she doesn't have a look at herself.

Droid Mania
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe is a joke, a very bad one!

Ashley Kelly
Community Member
1 month ago

It is only a matter of time before he hits her, if he hasn't already. It wouldn't occur to me to lose a game on purpose to avoid emasculating my opponent. Is that a thing women do? Why play? To feed his ego, I guess. Weird

Joe Edwards
Community Member
2 months ago

I am here to say Not All Joes :)

Void Boi
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe is a child. Rebecca enables his behavior.

Sarka Kuttelwascherova
Community Member
2 months ago

This is the true reason separate female sports were invented. Because male population was unable to handle each time woman won or threatened ro win against men. In reality it had nothing to do with protecting our chances to win. All you need is read timelines of those events. There was usually a woman who won against men before every female sport establishment.

Victoria McClain
Community Member
2 months ago

Is Joe a man or a child. Sounds like a child to me. What a wus if he can't stand being beaten by a woman. The days are over for women to lose on purpose to protect mens precious egos. Gak. Joe needs to grow up and grow some cahones. Rebecca needs to wise up and ditch that pathetic excuse for a man.

Patricia Rivera
Community Member
2 months ago

I need more info here. Maybe his side? We're you throwing attitude at all towards him? We're you being kind regardless of not liking him? Did they know you walk your doggo for 1.5 hrs? Being mad because of a loss and taking it out on your partner is unacceptable in any case. I am just curious about the conversation around it.

Niall Mac Iomera
Community Member
2 months ago

You need to call Chris Hansen cos that woman is clearly dating a child.

Miss Kat O
Community Member
2 months ago

If I knew someone who male ego was that fragile... I'd probably bait them too

Israel Martinez
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

My mother's grandchild-in-law was playing Mortal Kombat at our house with his sister who is younger and not into games ... he kept winning and then bragging about it ... it was belittling, but the sister took in stride and just kept playing ... my oldest daughter is sitting there watching and glancing at me every so often and I just tell her to relax ... after a few more matches, I give her the sign and she asks the sister if she could play against her brother ... mind you, I raised her on Mortal Kombat and if she ever won, it was legitimate because I had no mercy on her, but I didn't make her feel bad about it and she never felt bad ... from that point forward, he couldn't win as my daughter gave him the business ... after a few matches, he says "is there any other game we can play, this is boring" out of frustration ... that's when we changed the game and my daughter and I exchanged satisfied glances ...

Israel Martinez
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

In an ironic twist, years later, my late fiance's son and my oldest daughter played Mortal Kombat and he just kept winning repeatedly ... my daughter took it in stride and just kept playing until she finally won a match ... my best guess is that she wanted to, at least, prove he wasn't a flawless player ... after that, she just said "OK, let's play something else," but definitely not out of frustration ...

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Mimi M
Community Member
2 months ago

The headline is ridiculous and both Joe and Rebecca sound like idiots.

S
Community Member
2 months ago

He's a d**k. She's an idiot. You, OP, are just a person who's good at squash. NTA.

Lisa Intally
Community Member
2 months ago

If you have to live under the assumption you have to protect a fragile male ego, you'll never get anything done.

CL Rowan
Community Member
2 months ago

Rebecca better be careful, lest his next retaliation is physical. Then he'll be playing 'squash' in a jail cell.

phil blanque
Community Member
2 months ago

There were three small hard balls in the court that day. He was lucky she was only whacking one around the walls.

SCP-3998
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe is abusive, bottom line. Any woman dating a roaring manchild like this needs to RUN. To them, you are their sex doll, you cannot have hobbies, especially if it can potentially challenge him, you cannot have friends, as they may also challenge him. You are to remain forever walking on eggshells, until he deems you worthy of attention, be it sexual or a beating. You cannot change these people, your life isnt worth trying.

Lara Kristelle
Community Member
2 months ago

Run Rebecca run

Julianne Hannes
Community Member
2 months ago

Is Joe secretly two 7yr-olds in a trenchcoat?

AK to LV
Community Member
2 months ago

So if it was a guy who beat him and asked if he wanted to go on a walk, this Joe guy still wouldn't have had a bad attitude? Please, he'd be even more pissy.

Bullmastiff Momx4
Community Member
2 months ago

You can't control how someone else behaves. Would How have behaved the same way if he lost to a man?? If not, he's seeing women as "less than" & Rebecca should run. If he does behave the same then he's got an anger management problem. But again, that's on him & no one can control someone else's behavior. Rebecca is making excuses for Joe's behavior & deflecting responsibility from him onto her friend. Which sounds like a victim of verbal abuse.

Beenie Cat
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

Bruh seriously. I get being pissed about losing in a game but come on now. How toxic do you have to be to insult your teammate who's on the same level as you and find a simple dog walk competitive? Don't answer that I already know, your coco for toxic puffs crazy. Some folks say this is toxic masculinity, no it's a frail ego that can't stand losing thinking that they're on the ground while everyone else is on their high horse. How deluded is this guy.

Bi-Polar Express
Community Member
2 months ago

How do you challenge someone with walking?

Craig Becker
Community Member
2 months ago

While I don’t think it was the case in this situation, I’d like to point out that there *are* people in the world who get some kind of odd ego-boost out of enticing an inexperienced person into a game (or other challenge) and then soundly beating them. It is (I guess?) a way of demonstrating ‘superiority’. I’ve known several people like this: I knew a fellow who knew a bit about chess. He was always asking people to play, and - since, face it, most people don’t know chess beyond the basic moves - he’d always win easily, and could be relied upon to never let his “loser” opponent forget about it. Another guy was into Foosball - God forbid you grab a beer with him at a bar that had a Foosball table. Etc. My amateur opinion is that these people have serious inferiority issues, and need to find *something* that allows them to think “I’m better”. The annoying part is that the “loser” goes into it thinking “oh, we’re just having fun”, only to realize later that it’s a weird mind-game trap.

Daman dan
Community Member
2 months ago

This is why I get annoyed by most Aita posts. She knows damn well that she is NTA here. If you want to talk c**p about this guy, just come out and say "wow, you should see this guy's reaction to losing at squash!" I'd appreciate the story more. There's no need to feign innocence by pretending that you don't understand what is happening.

Dan Brew
Community Member
2 months ago

Start sending joe links to cuckold porn

Dan Brew
Community Member
2 months ago

Start sending joe links to cuckold porn.

Rob
Community Member
2 months ago

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I'll say it every time: some of these stories make no sense. Who would ever think the girl is the a*****e in this story. Just useless filler.

Kevin Richie
Community Member
2 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Sounds like Brandon ain't the only Joe that needs to go.

lapek4155
Community Member
2 months ago

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This comment has been deleted.

HalfFinnishedAustralian
Community Member
2 months ago

Have these ever worked?

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Vishy
Community Member
2 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

We're you there to play or compete. There is a tendency of aggressive behavior towards an opponent even during a easygoing friendly game. You should have remembered you were not playing for the world cup. I would definitely blame your overtly aggressive approach on the court rather than the guy. It seems guy bashing is the latest trend now.

Judes
Community Member
2 months ago

Vishy, it seems you don't understand how squash works (or games in general). Squash is a game played with a ball and racquets, and, like most games, there will be a winner and a loser. If two sensible people agree to play squash, then it's implied in the agreement, that one will end up the winner and the other the loser. Winning is not considered 'aggressive behavior', it's simply what people try to do when playing a game.

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RaroaRaroa
Community Member
2 months ago

I can only assume Rebecca is constantly limiting herself to avoid Joe getting angry with her. He will make her life a misery by either crushing her completely into submission or raging (perhaps physically) against her every time she has some kind of success in life. She needs to get out now, as I can't imagine him agreeing to get help - that would definitely be too much for his ego.

Deanna Crichley
Community Member
2 months ago

She's limiting her ability to make and maintain friendships as well.

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Random Anon
Community Member
2 months ago

Really? Dude's ego has the fragility of a crystal wine glass. Y'know that logo they put on boxes labelled "Fragile"? He needs that permanently tattoo-ed on his forehead.

KombatBunni
Community Member
2 months ago

I’ll volunteer to do that.. the most painful way possible

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Bernd Herbert
Community Member
2 months ago

I’m a man, and I’m well aware that there are countless people in the world, men and women, who are better in certain areas than me. F**k that guy with his „ego“

Janis Rodman
Community Member
2 months ago

I can't believe folks are still concerned with this nonsense...dump him like a hot potato

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Katie Lutesinger
Community Member
2 months ago

I lost an egg and spoon race once and got really really angry because I SHOULD have won and it just wasn't FAIR! I hurled the stupid egg across the garden and sulked for the next hour. I was six years old at the time - what's this loser's excuse?

-
Community Member
2 months ago

Maybe he's a six-year-old boy trapped in a grown man's body. Which would make sex with this guy really, really icky.

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🦋vall🦋シ︎
Community Member
2 months ago

Small d**k vibes

I've been watching you since
Community Member
2 months ago

Lmao

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N Gregory
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

Additional comment from the OP, in case we needed further evidence of Joe being a disgusting baby: "My husband won against Joe as well and he didn't seem to mind it. He was asking my husband advice on his technique. But my husband is a man with broad shoulders meanwhile I'm an overweight woman, so I guess it's more shameful to lose against me. Joe didn't say anything bad to me, he directed everything towards Rebecca."

Tara Raay
Community Member
2 months ago

Like most pathetic little c***s that call themselves “men” or worse “alpha”🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮

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Giovanna
Community Member
2 months ago

Tell me more about how women are allegedly the "weak sex"

RafCo
Community Member
2 months ago

Honestly, losing a match to a better player is much less harmful to my ego, than said player throwing the match to protect my wittle baby feewings. Also, the idea of playing squash makes my knees hurt. Rebecca will be in this slog for a few years yet. Hopefully she gets out before being seriously damaged.

Nemo
Community Member
2 months ago

Tell me you're abusive without telling me you're abusive. If he doesn't mind that her husband won, does mind that she won and takes it out on his girlfriend he just doesn't respect woman

laka puka
Community Member
2 months ago

These are the types of people that make men look bad

Michael ONeale
Community Member
2 months ago

Thank you...omg...thank you. I'm normally a nice guy; but Ive been known go out of my way to p**s boys like this off. For the sole purpose of introducing them to humble pie...I do try to be good.

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Eb
Community Member
2 months ago

Poor Rebecca, who has fallen into the trap of blaming anyone but her BF for his behaviour and herself for letting him get away with it. One of my biggest life lessons has been not walking on eggshells round anyone. Most of us who do it learned it young from having difficult parents, so a hard habit to break.

Gavin Johnson
Community Member
2 months ago

I’’ve got an 11 year old daughter who is a mean basketball player, we play in our yard and she whips me week in week out, am I there to win? Of course, she even allows me to over celebrate my infrequent points but you can bet on her for the match win. What am I really there for? Sport, fun and the never ending hope I get to within 5 points of her final score. If your ego can’t handle losing a game then just park your backside and let those who know how to participate properly get on with it. No one is too good to lose, your age, sex, colour of hair, number of fingers or indeed toes makes no difference, when you meet someone better, fitter, faster or smarter than you then all you do is play, play for the enjoyment of sharing and learning their tricks, get better, laugh about it, earn the next point and realise that you ain’t playing in a SuperBowl or an FA Cip Final. Even more important than that, leave any disappointment on the court, taking it out on someone else is just weak.

Stephanie Goadsby
Community Member
2 months ago

Good on you! Being challenged in anything by anyone only makes us better players of the game. It's the only way to really improve our skills. Not only that but you are creating a true bond and a wonderful example to your daughter. As the James Baldwin quote goes, "Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them."

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Inclusion2020
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe is a total dumpster fire, he needs to go find himself a broom to date. although, he might be intimidated if he dates a Swiffer, he’d better stick with good ole dollar store brooms.

Lily
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

Joe will become an abuser, controlling and manipulating - if he isn't already. Rebecca is also empowering him by her behavior - watch out when he gets angry, he will hit.

Pinkpanda
Community Member
2 months ago

Sounds like she's not the first to validate this behavior

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Nicole A
Community Member
2 months ago

OP is NTA especially since Joe was ok with losing to the husband. He's obviously got issues with losing to women. I will just say though that if the two teams are so vastly mismatched with beginners vs experts, don't expect a lot of playing with them in the future, even if he didn't act like a baby. It's not that fun to play when you know you'll never have a chance to win against someone with years of experience on you. I wouldn't expect elementary students to have much fun playing against a high school team. It's also not that challenging to play if you're the experts playing against new players. The high school team isn't learning any skills playing against the elementary kids. I understand this was a friendly game but if I'm playing against friends who don't know the game well (op admitted this was GF and Joe's first few games ever) I'll hold off a bit so both parties can have some fun. It's a friendly game between friends, not the Olympics.

-
Community Member
2 months ago

Also, if friends realize that playing together wasn't a great idea, the good ones will show grace in saying so. Examples: "I think I'll wait until I've had some practice on my own before playing again" or "I can give you pointers if you're interested". If people can't find the words right away, they can sleep on it, then think of how to word or how to respond to another invitation.

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Bittersweetie
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

This could have been solved by saying "Emasculate. You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means"🤺

Michael ONeale
Community Member
2 months ago

Can't help myself... inconceivable

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Best behave....
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe basically wants women to let him win. He feels entitled. If he'll behave like this on the most trivial thing, how will that play out on the important issues d'y think?

Eb
Community Member
2 months ago

It's an interesting question. Maybe he believes simply being male means he should win at any physical challenge. The test is whether he's only like this with women or with men as well.

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Kathryn Baylis
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

Joe is toxic and a potential physical abuser once the verbal abuse escalates—-and it always escalates. Rebecca is being gaslit into believing Joe is never at fault, but everyone else is. She is in the first stages of an abusive relationship. Eventually, Joe will start hitting her because someone else, most likely a woman who is simply better than he is at something, made him feel “emasculated” or “challenged” and he’s whipped himself up into a real fury and she’s the nearest target. God forbid Rebecca ever succeeds at something and Joe thinks she’s the one “emasculating” him, as she could end up dead (it’s actually happened, so therefore isn’t outside the realm of real possibility). The OP just needs to gently reinforce to Rebecca that, when she’s ready to get Joe out of her life, the OP—-and everyone else she can gather to help—-will be right there by her side to make sure Joe doesn’t decide that’s emasculating and take out his rage on her. Abused women need to keep people around them as a shield against their abusers, until the danger of retaliation passes, or to help them quietly leave town and change her name to get away if it doesn’t (kind of like a civilian version of witness protection). OP should also strongly advise Rebecca not to ever marry Joe, no matter how “sweet” he starts to act, because it is just an act to manipulate her, and especially not to have a baby with him, so that when she leaves all ties to Joe can be permanently severed.

APL
Community Member
2 months ago

Aww diddums. Sounds like he got cranky because he had missed his nap.

Bekah
Community Member
2 months ago

This reminds me of one of my uncles. He talks himself up like he's the best at everything he does. And the sulks when he loses. When I was a young teen he wanted to play a fighting game on his PS. I won the first game. He says he's off his game and we need to go another round...ok I won the second game. Suddenly his controllers not working properly and thats why he lost. Suddenly I'm being skipped for turns now. He then makes fun of me as "joking" when I decide to leave the room because what's the point if he doesn't want me to play anymore? The. I'm the bad guy cause I left for being left out lol 😅 He also does this on boardgames. The men in my family would all play Risk together on holidays. They eventually gave up playing because my uncle would get mad when he would loose and would say everyone was ganging up on him to make him loose. Now he gets mad that no one wants to stay and play the boardgame. He also doesn't understand why no one wants to ever play with him. He's 50 now 🙄

Kiryn Silverwing
Community Member
1 month ago

I mean, I don't like losing at video games or board games either, but that's why I don't play competitive ones. Co-op board games exist and are great. Maybe you need to introduce your uncle to Spirit Island or Gloomhaven?

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Nikole
Community Member
2 months ago

Ah, the old dog walk challenge... Classic.

Michael ONeale
Community Member
2 months ago

I can be a little over competitive sometimes but I've just wasted time trying to make "wanna walk the dog with us?" sound like a challenge...failed...sorry

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Kathy Kitsune
Community Member
2 months ago

Im sorry but what did i just read?? "You challenged me to a dog walk!" Um okay? Sooo you insecure about yourself? What i have assessed is the mirror effect between Rebecca and said other female. The dude was a sore loser thus he must be in control and must look better in the picture. Sooo super toxic immature adult aka Rebeccas boyfriend. I hope she dumps him and good on you advising her to get reality check i hope all turned out fine in the end

Drea Benoit
Community Member
2 months ago

This is what comes from men using women as a means to insult other men (and also just the idea that we’re inferior at everything in general). Feminizing male names as an insult, saying things like “you throw like a girl”, etc. Recently on this site John Cena was derogatorily called John Xina, which was said to mean “Christina”…Nobody seemed to bat an eye at that. Men invented the whole notion that losing to a girl is the ultimate humiliation, yet women are the ones expected to change to accommodate this ridiculous notion, at the expense of our own dignity. And women have been doing this forever, and many still don’t even see the issue. It’s literally The Who Killed Hannibal meme irl

Suzi Q
Community Member
2 months ago

OP's not responsible for protecting his fragile ego, nor is she responsible with how he handled the result. I hope Rebecca wises up and dumps him instead of expecting everyone else to make him feel masculine.

Yasmin Mazur
Community Member
2 months ago

That is a guy that really needs some treatment - there is no shame in losing to a woman. There is shame in thinking you are better than the opposite sex just because of their gender. The partner should make it clear to him that he needs to work on himself and his sense of self, or leave him before he starts to feel threatened by her and attacking.

Stephanie Goadsby
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

I'm reminded of one of my funniest recollections playing a singles game of darts during a league game. The guy I was playing turns to his captain and says how easy it's going to be to win because I am a woman. His captain tries to warn him that I'm pretty good but he was certain of his victory. The match was best 2/3, and I won 2 straight. Hit the last double, turned, shook his hand and said "good games" and joined the rest of my team. I don't know what was funnier, the look of shock on his face, or the smile his captain gave him. My only hope from that experience is that he gained an appreciation that gender doesn't equate to skill and to always act with grace.

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-
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

Years back, a man brought a woman who lifted weights to a party. He pretty much bragged that she beat him at arm-wrestling. They were the same height, but he really admired her dedication and thought it was really cool to encounter a strong woman. Not saying men should be this graceful when a woman beats them at a game, but "good game!" is very nice and "Wow, how long have you been playing?" would be fine, too.

Tracy Sellars
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe needs his dummy and to have a time out in the naughty corner.

Snowfoxrox
Community Member
2 months ago

If you are dating someone and want to know what kind of human being they are, take them out to shoot pool. You will learn pretty much everything about their personality in 3 games. She was NTA! Rebecca needs to see him for the giant walking red flag that he is!!

Lara Verne
Community Member
2 months ago

Lol is Joe a toddler?

Pas VotreAffaire
Community Member
2 months ago

And women are so often accused of being 'too emotional'....

Pinkpanda
Community Member
2 months ago

Anytime the word "emasculate" is involved with these AITA posts, it's a red flag. Almost always can replace it with "felt bad", which has nothing to do with being a man or related to masculinity or existing in reality and understanding individual strengths or weaknesses. It assumes strength or prowess because of being a man, which is an inherently false and toxic way of thinking.

anthony moring
Community Member
2 months ago

This guy gives me some "I've been kicked out of Dave & Busters" vibes.

Dina Anastasakos
Community Member
2 months ago

Clearly Joe is a massive loser. But what about Rebecca, coming after her friend like that! She needs help but the OP cannot do anyrhing until Rebecca realizes she is in an abusive relationship. Until then l don't see why the OP has to take the abuse from her.

CMDR unematti
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe needs to grow the F up.

Dre Mosley
Community Member
2 months ago

SMH. If losing a game to a woman and a "challenging" walk is all it took to emasculate him, then he's pathetic and his GF should indeed open her eyes, dump him, and move on. You let your small children beat you at a game, not grown men.

Dave Hinckley
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe needs to go. That's not how adults are supposed to be.

A B C (yes I'm back)
Community Member
2 months ago

And another AITA case that's about as controverse as "is water wet?" 🙄

UpQuarkDownQuark
Community Member
2 months ago

The real question is “is water the @sshole for being wet?”

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LagoonaBlueColleen
Community Member
2 months ago

I keep getting told there is no feminine and masculine. In that case a man cannot be emasculated.

Giovanna
Community Member
2 months ago

Of course, but HE evidently felt he had been emasculated, so

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Houseof No
Community Member
2 months ago

Don't be a sore loser or a sore winner. Don't gloat. Don't rub it in. Friendship ought to be worth more than a silly game or competition.

Cryptic Shimmer
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe obviously had a small d*ck. Rebecca got mad at YOU because her man was acting like a child? Girl, byeeeee.

Caryn Zent
Community Member
2 months ago

nta. ridiculous.

Seabeast
Community Member
2 months ago

Imagine if she marries him and they have children. She'll blame the children for his behaviour if he abuses them. "Well, it's your own fault for making him mad."

Hoodoo
Community Member
2 months ago

Codependent much? Let's everyone jump up & run around so Poopsie- butt can cope w/ reality...And we're how old?! Rebecca ought see a psych. She's in for abject misery if she doesn't have a look at herself.

Droid Mania
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe is a joke, a very bad one!

Ashley Kelly
Community Member
1 month ago

It is only a matter of time before he hits her, if he hasn't already. It wouldn't occur to me to lose a game on purpose to avoid emasculating my opponent. Is that a thing women do? Why play? To feed his ego, I guess. Weird

Joe Edwards
Community Member
2 months ago

I am here to say Not All Joes :)

Void Boi
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe is a child. Rebecca enables his behavior.

Sarka Kuttelwascherova
Community Member
2 months ago

This is the true reason separate female sports were invented. Because male population was unable to handle each time woman won or threatened ro win against men. In reality it had nothing to do with protecting our chances to win. All you need is read timelines of those events. There was usually a woman who won against men before every female sport establishment.

Victoria McClain
Community Member
2 months ago

Is Joe a man or a child. Sounds like a child to me. What a wus if he can't stand being beaten by a woman. The days are over for women to lose on purpose to protect mens precious egos. Gak. Joe needs to grow up and grow some cahones. Rebecca needs to wise up and ditch that pathetic excuse for a man.

Patricia Rivera
Community Member
2 months ago

I need more info here. Maybe his side? We're you throwing attitude at all towards him? We're you being kind regardless of not liking him? Did they know you walk your doggo for 1.5 hrs? Being mad because of a loss and taking it out on your partner is unacceptable in any case. I am just curious about the conversation around it.

Niall Mac Iomera
Community Member
2 months ago

You need to call Chris Hansen cos that woman is clearly dating a child.

Miss Kat O
Community Member
2 months ago

If I knew someone who male ego was that fragile... I'd probably bait them too

Israel Martinez
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

My mother's grandchild-in-law was playing Mortal Kombat at our house with his sister who is younger and not into games ... he kept winning and then bragging about it ... it was belittling, but the sister took in stride and just kept playing ... my oldest daughter is sitting there watching and glancing at me every so often and I just tell her to relax ... after a few more matches, I give her the sign and she asks the sister if she could play against her brother ... mind you, I raised her on Mortal Kombat and if she ever won, it was legitimate because I had no mercy on her, but I didn't make her feel bad about it and she never felt bad ... from that point forward, he couldn't win as my daughter gave him the business ... after a few matches, he says "is there any other game we can play, this is boring" out of frustration ... that's when we changed the game and my daughter and I exchanged satisfied glances ...

Israel Martinez
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

In an ironic twist, years later, my late fiance's son and my oldest daughter played Mortal Kombat and he just kept winning repeatedly ... my daughter took it in stride and just kept playing until she finally won a match ... my best guess is that she wanted to, at least, prove he wasn't a flawless player ... after that, she just said "OK, let's play something else," but definitely not out of frustration ...

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Mimi M
Community Member
2 months ago

The headline is ridiculous and both Joe and Rebecca sound like idiots.

S
Community Member
2 months ago

He's a d**k. She's an idiot. You, OP, are just a person who's good at squash. NTA.

Lisa Intally
Community Member
2 months ago

If you have to live under the assumption you have to protect a fragile male ego, you'll never get anything done.

CL Rowan
Community Member
2 months ago

Rebecca better be careful, lest his next retaliation is physical. Then he'll be playing 'squash' in a jail cell.

phil blanque
Community Member
2 months ago

There were three small hard balls in the court that day. He was lucky she was only whacking one around the walls.

SCP-3998
Community Member
2 months ago

Joe is abusive, bottom line. Any woman dating a roaring manchild like this needs to RUN. To them, you are their sex doll, you cannot have hobbies, especially if it can potentially challenge him, you cannot have friends, as they may also challenge him. You are to remain forever walking on eggshells, until he deems you worthy of attention, be it sexual or a beating. You cannot change these people, your life isnt worth trying.

Lara Kristelle
Community Member
2 months ago

Run Rebecca run

Julianne Hannes
Community Member
2 months ago

Is Joe secretly two 7yr-olds in a trenchcoat?

AK to LV
Community Member
2 months ago

So if it was a guy who beat him and asked if he wanted to go on a walk, this Joe guy still wouldn't have had a bad attitude? Please, he'd be even more pissy.

Bullmastiff Momx4
Community Member
2 months ago

You can't control how someone else behaves. Would How have behaved the same way if he lost to a man?? If not, he's seeing women as "less than" & Rebecca should run. If he does behave the same then he's got an anger management problem. But again, that's on him & no one can control someone else's behavior. Rebecca is making excuses for Joe's behavior & deflecting responsibility from him onto her friend. Which sounds like a victim of verbal abuse.

Beenie Cat
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

Bruh seriously. I get being pissed about losing in a game but come on now. How toxic do you have to be to insult your teammate who's on the same level as you and find a simple dog walk competitive? Don't answer that I already know, your coco for toxic puffs crazy. Some folks say this is toxic masculinity, no it's a frail ego that can't stand losing thinking that they're on the ground while everyone else is on their high horse. How deluded is this guy.

Bi-Polar Express
Community Member
2 months ago

How do you challenge someone with walking?

Craig Becker
Community Member
2 months ago

While I don’t think it was the case in this situation, I’d like to point out that there *are* people in the world who get some kind of odd ego-boost out of enticing an inexperienced person into a game (or other challenge) and then soundly beating them. It is (I guess?) a way of demonstrating ‘superiority’. I’ve known several people like this: I knew a fellow who knew a bit about chess. He was always asking people to play, and - since, face it, most people don’t know chess beyond the basic moves - he’d always win easily, and could be relied upon to never let his “loser” opponent forget about it. Another guy was into Foosball - God forbid you grab a beer with him at a bar that had a Foosball table. Etc. My amateur opinion is that these people have serious inferiority issues, and need to find *something* that allows them to think “I’m better”. The annoying part is that the “loser” goes into it thinking “oh, we’re just having fun”, only to realize later that it’s a weird mind-game trap.

Daman dan
Community Member
2 months ago

This is why I get annoyed by most Aita posts. She knows damn well that she is NTA here. If you want to talk c**p about this guy, just come out and say "wow, you should see this guy's reaction to losing at squash!" I'd appreciate the story more. There's no need to feign innocence by pretending that you don't understand what is happening.

Dan Brew
Community Member
2 months ago

Start sending joe links to cuckold porn

Dan Brew
Community Member
2 months ago

Start sending joe links to cuckold porn.

Rob
Community Member
2 months ago

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I'll say it every time: some of these stories make no sense. Who would ever think the girl is the a*****e in this story. Just useless filler.

Kevin Richie
Community Member
2 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

Sounds like Brandon ain't the only Joe that needs to go.

lapek4155
Community Member
2 months ago

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This comment has been deleted.

HalfFinnishedAustralian
Community Member
2 months ago

Have these ever worked?

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Vishy
Community Member
2 months ago

This comment is hidden. Click here to view.

We're you there to play or compete. There is a tendency of aggressive behavior towards an opponent even during a easygoing friendly game. You should have remembered you were not playing for the world cup. I would definitely blame your overtly aggressive approach on the court rather than the guy. It seems guy bashing is the latest trend now.

Judes
Community Member
2 months ago

Vishy, it seems you don't understand how squash works (or games in general). Squash is a game played with a ball and racquets, and, like most games, there will be a winner and a loser. If two sensible people agree to play squash, then it's implied in the agreement, that one will end up the winner and the other the loser. Winning is not considered 'aggressive behavior', it's simply what people try to do when playing a game.

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