61 Mom Group Posts That Had Everyone Asking How These People Are Raising Children (New Pics)

When something goes wrong with parenting, it’s pretty rare that parents immediately get the blame. Usually, it’s the children who are painted as the problem. Ungrateful, disrespectful, impossible to deal with—that’s the kind of thing you hear about them, and plenty of people are quick to agree.

Parents, meanwhile, tend to get a lot more sympathy. And look, it’s not undeserved. They’re the ones sitting through the sleepless nights and the tantrums, keeping the house running, spending their money on clothes and food and school fees, and trying to make sure their kids have a decent shot at life.

But as much as all of that takes out of a person, it doesn’t mean bad parents don’t exist. Plenty of them do all of those things and still manage to hurt their children in serious ways.

When that happens, they need to be held accountable, and that includes when they’re out here posting unhinged things in online parenting groups. Because when bad parents never get called out, it’s actually the good ones who end up with the bad reputation.

The parents who are genuinely trying, who love their kids and occasionally make mistakes like any normal person would, get lumped in with people who are causing real damage. The truly bad ones deserve to be named for what they are.

Now, as Healthline notes, “bad parenting” is an emotionally loaded term and genuinely hard to define. That said, we can still identify behaviors that cause real damage to children.

The most obvious ones involve neglect or direct physical violence, things that affect a child’s wellbeing in ways that are impossible to ignore, and that can sometimes even result in criminal charges. In those cases, the child’s safety needs to come first and professional help is essential. But those are the extremes.

A lot of harmful parenting is far more subtle, and often comes wrapped in good intentions. Take discipline, for instance. Too little of it, and children are essentially left to figure things out on their own.

Sharron Frederick, LCSW, psychotherapist at Clarity Health Solutions, told Healthline that this can lead to injuries and raise a child who simply doesn’t understand boundaries. “Children look to parents to define what boundaries are and the consequences that can occur if the child crosses those boundaries,” she says.

Being too strict, on the other hand, comes with its own set of problems. Parents who go this route often believe they’re raising well-behaved, responsible kids, but what they frequently end up with is a child who is fearful, anxious, or rebellious.

In these households, rules are absolute, punishments are harsh, and there’s no space for the child to have any say in how those rules are shaped.

A minor slip-up might mean a beloved toy gets thrown away or destroyed, with no negotiation and no nuance. Kids who grow up in these environments tend to feel completely powerless.

Then there’s shaming. Parents who do it often think they’re being motivating. Telling a kid “why did you only score 90 instead of 100?” feels like pushing them toward something better. And maybe it works in the short term. But it comes at a cost.

According to Healthline, children who are continually shamed can develop deep issues with perfectionism and a persistent fear of failure. Yelling, harsh criticism, and physical punishment all fall into this category too.

Something a lot of parents don’t think twice about is commenting on their children’s bodies or eating habits, usually out of genuine concern for their health.

Sometimes parents don’t even say anything negative at all and actually compliment their child’s appearance quite a bit. But even well-meaning comments can cause real damage over time.

“As an eating disorder therapist, one thing I know can be an issue is constantly commenting on a child’s body or the way they eat, even if it’s meant to be positive,” Rachel Goldberg, LMFT, therapist and founder of Rachel Goldberg Therapy, told Parents.com.

She advises against saying things like “oh, you look really good in that outfit today” or “that doesn’t really suit your body,” and stresses that negative or judgmental comments about how much a child eats are equally harmful.

Beyond all of this, there’s a bigger issue that many parents struggle with, which is accepting that their children are their own people. Kids grow up and figure out who they want to be, and that vision doesn’t always match what their parents had in mind.

Dawn Friedman, MSEd, LPCC, a licensed professional clinical counselor specializing in child anxiety, emphasizes that letting children make their own decisions and learn from their own mistakes is how they build the independence and self-confidence they’ll need as adults.

That includes everything from the subjects they study to the sports they play to the extracurriculars they choose to pursue. If you find yourself controlling those choices, it’s worth taking a step back and giving your child some room to explore.

Parenting is hard, and nobody should beat themselves up over every small mistake. But there’s a real difference between the occasional misstep and patterns of behavior that leave children carrying wounds they’ll spend years in therapy trying to work through. Kids simply don’t deserve that.