Woman Wants To Become A Stay-At-Home Mom, Husband Then Tells Her That She Would Have To Cover All The Housework While He Works, An Argument Ensues
Being a stay-at-home parent has its pros and cons as it provides a person with the possibility to spend some more time with their kid, seeing them grow and change in front of their eyes. But often times it does mean that a person has to sacrifice their career or a workplace that they perhaps really enjoy and want to invest more of their time in for better benefits in the future. It does seem like a hard decision to make, as many know that it’s a tough call. Having this in mind, Reddit user @u/nnsnekdnd decided to ask others online what they think about the situation that he and his wife got themselves into. The post that received 23.5k upvotes soon was filled with various points of view and experiences that other people online thought were worth sharing.
More Info: Reddit
Many parents would give a lot to be able to spend as much time as possible with their kids
Image credits: Still Vision (not the actual image)
The author of the post revealed that his wife wants to quit her job and become a stay-at-home mom because of their 4-year-old daughter. The woman shared that she wants to spend some more time with their daughter instead of just leaving her at a daycare. While the man was quite supportive of this decision, it made him think about the practical side of this deal, realizing that if he becomes the sole breadwinner of the family, it means that he would have to take more hours at work in order to earn more money and his wife would have to take on more responsibilities at home.
Reddit user wanted to know if he was wrong to expect his wife to cover all the work at home while being a stay-at-home mom
Image credits: u/nnsnekdnd
Once the man’s wife shared that she wants to stay at home with their daughter, he started thinking about how this would work, suggesting she would then have to take care of the house
Image credits: u/nnsnekdnd
When the husband shared his concerns with his wife, telling her that she would then have to take care of the household and not always rely on him doing some of the chores as he will be at work, the woman said that she isn’t going to be “a housekeeper”, blaming her husband for being “lazy and discriminative against women”. The man was quick to assure her that he isn’t like that, it’s just that he already knows that he won’t be able to be useful at home because of all the extra work he will have to put in to make this deal work.
The woman didn’t like his plan, as she thought that she shouldn’t be treated as a “housekeeper”
Image credits: u/nnsnekdnd
This whole situation made the man think about the way he said things and the whole conversation in question, thinking that perhaps he wasn’t actually right in this case. But a lot of people online agreed with his thoughts, assuring him that when a person decides to stay at home and take care of the kids, they usually also make sure that the house is taken care of. Some even noticed that at this point, their 4-year-old daughter shouldn’t be considered so little that she can’t do anything herself and needs intensive care. What are your thoughts on this situation? Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments down below!
The husband only suggested this because he knew that with his extra hours at work, he won’t be able to help much around the house
Image credits: Joe St.Pierre (not the actual image)
So what are the rest of the pros and cons that would help people to make a decision to become a stay-at-home parent? According to Verywell Family, by choosing to raise their kid and stay at home, a parent contributes to their kid’s better performance at school because of their involvement in their son’s or daughter’s education. Its also noted that kids who have spent more time with their parents feel less stressed and are more comfortable with others. Being around your child leads parents and kids to have better, more honest and involved relationships. A choice to become a stay-at-home parent also serves as a great example for other, more hesitant parents.
Now the Reddit user is curious to know if what he said was really that bad
Image credits: u/nnsnekdnd
What are some of the cons that follow being a stay-at-home parent? While one of the main factors that stops people from staying at home is the lesser amount of income, there are other things that might make a person second-guess their decision. For those who put a lot of effort into starting a successful career or wanting to achieve certain personal goals, taking time to raise a kid might seem like a burden or a thing that stops them from fulfilling their dreams. The isolation that a parent might feel when left taking care of a household and raising a child can even lead them to depression or unwanted bursts of anger.
This post encouraged a lot of other people online to share their own thoughts on the situation
Image credits: Per Gosche (not the actual image)
Many people sided with the husband, stating that what he’s asking is a normal thing
However, some people thought that the man’s desire not to do any chores during the work week seemed silly
Image credits: u/nnsnekdnd
NTA. No, you're not being sexist, you're not being lazy; in fact you'd be taking on about a dozen extra hours a week for her to even do this....... I mean, does she not think you deserve some rest and also an opportunity to spend quality time with your daughter? I'd say she takes that arrangement or she continues to contribute income to the household.
I agree with this too. I think the wife is the one being lazy. He's going to have to put long hours in a single day and sometimes during the weekend. Surely she can clean the house, prepare meals and get the washer/dryer going. A 4 y.o. is almost ready for kindergarten and needs minimal attention from a parent. Unless they have more children, what is she going to do? I was a SAHM for 13 years. I was either pregnant, breastfeeding or both. My husband cleaned the floors, which I didn't like doing but he didn't mind. But he also took care of the car, trash, etc.
I was thinking the same thing about school. Why would you become a SAHM just before your kid goes to school?? If she wanted to be a SAHM, the discussion should have been had when the kid was younger.
Actually the older kids get the busier things get. I became a sahm when my oldest was entering middle school. We r glad I did because all evening long I'm chauffeuring them to and fro so I have very little time to do house work or even relax in the evenings. Luckily my husband and I were able to do this but not everyone can or should.
R u kidding me!?! I was a full time nanny wit only a cpl chores on top of that & that job was JUST as tiring as bartending! & I only was there 8 hrs a day! This woman now has a 24/7 job where she's xpected 2 cook all his & the kids meals, do evryones laundry, clean up aftr EVERY1 & the house (which is manual labor & takes many hrs per day if u dont have a maid evry wk). Theres no effin way thats fair! My dad wrked 70 hrs a wk wit a 2 hr commute & could b a jerk but even he knew he had 2 help out like 10%! Otherwise my mom wouldve NEVER gotten a break! Askin her 2 do 85% of the hwrk,cookin etc is reasonable, but not ALL!! its hard 4 me 2 evn keep up wit my chores & I live alone wit no kids & only wrk 32 hrs a wk now. How bout she wrks the same hrs as him doin the house stuff, cookin etc then see how many MORE hrs it actually takes 2 finish all shes xpected 2 including gettin up in the mid of the nite if th kid is scared/sick. & most 4& 5 yr olds do half days!
Ivee been a single father for 16 fn years, and you are an absolutely ignorant, spoiled, entitled pos.
Especially since he said he would be helping out during weekends, but less on weekdays. It sounds like a fair trade.
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A SAHM already works 24/7 to be on-call for a child. Looking at this while minimizing the constant back-breaking drudgery of doing laundry, cooking meals, cleaning house and washing dishes trivializes what SAH PARENTS do every day. There are no coffee breaks, no afternoons off, no weekend breaks away from the child to recharge batteries. Hubby expecting to work 12 hours and then recreate, game, drink, whatever he does, while Mum is on call permanently is not fair but he wants to live-in luxury? Hell to the no.
He literally says he rests after work.
Oh, stfû. No breaks, that's a load of fn sh*t. There are plenty of breaks. Also hobnobbing with other wives, hair days, etc. You're a lying pos. And yeah, I've been a single father for 16 fn years and did everything so I know you're simply a whiny a*s, entitled fn ahôle.
As a sahm I can guaran-damn-tee you I never once hob nobbed or had a 'hair day'. In fact, when the kids were little, I went almost 5 years without any kind of haircut. It stayed in a ponytail anyway.... every sahp is different. I knew women who did have their hair and nails done weekly and had sitters - but that certainly isn't true for every one. And calling someone a pos for expressing an opinion? That makes YTA.
You're a lying sack of sh*t too. You act like you were doing sh*t 24/7 365, and that's simply scientifically and logically impossible. No, YTA for trying to act like some kind of fn martyred slave. Foh.
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Wtf IS WRONG WITH U PEOPLE!? HOW is making ur wife hav a 24/7 job literally doin all YOUR laundry, cookin YOUR meals (+ kids & hers) & doin ALL the housework + 80% of the parenting somehow equal 2 his 60 hrs!? When does SHE get a break!? Why cant he do his own laundry at least? Its fair 4 her 2 do MOST of the house stuff (as most women end up doin it anyway) but DEFINITLY NOT ALL!! Iwas a nanny 4 yrs full time & 4 xtras I only had 2 do kids laundry & keep her room clean -after 8 hrs of that I was more tired than 8 hrs of bartending & I didn't have2 cook the whole fam dinner, do parents laundry or anythin else the wife is gonna hav 2 do 4 OTHERS & herself! If he doesnt chip in shes gonna get super resentful. My advice is let her wrk partime & dont force 24/7 prof maid, chef & nanny jobs on her! She, btw, RISKED HER LIFE & damaged her body 2 hav HIS kid!
Then keep her job! If she feels It's too much then she should keep working. But she can't foister more work hours on her husband while her own chore list doesn't increase. And 4 year olds are mostly self reliant and make their own fun. I'm currently living with my sister and her two year old and can manage the house chores with him there on my days off. I just give him a toy car and he plays where I can see him while I cook, do laundry, clean or even watch TV and he's 2! He only needs me to bathe and feed him and pay him attention when ever he demands but is mostly happy to do his own thing while I relax. Unless their daughter has some challenges mentally or physically, she's just trying to have her cake and eat it too. There are challenging days but it's not every day! And she didn't damage her body to have his kid, it's their kid.
You want to know an ahole. My former spouse had me drop.the baby at daycare so he could play video games at home. When I returned home I was expected.to cook and clean. That's an ahole.
He really sounds like a big selfish a*****e. Hope you are doing good now.
If she was a single mom who would clean ?
I'm glad for you that he is a former spouse. Congratulations!
The operative word here being FORMER spouse. Kudos to you!
Hope u have rehomed him cause u can do bad all by yourself
Girl I've been there! Mine said he couldn't take care of our child because her needed to look for a job. I paid mortgage, two cars, child care, did the cooking, and the cleaning while he spent two years trying to find work.
I have a bad feeling my daughter's video playing boy friend is going to do the same thing. Expect her to work and pay for childcare while he stays home and sleeps and plays video games. They have a baby on the way and I have got to figure out a way to move somewhere else closer to HER to help with my first grandbaby or else I fear she is going to be all alone raising their baby boy. He already neglects his other sons from his marriage to his children's mom. It's a sad desperate situation. One I don't know what to do about. I just don't want all the weight falling on her shoulders alone and I have no doubt he is going to do this to her.
No offense but your daughter CHOSE to have a baby W him! KNOWING he neglected his other children, KNOWING he lazy- she made her OWN bed, don't make him the ONLY bad guy here, she's one TOO! It's DISGUSTING for a man to abandon his kids but the woman standing by his side, enabling it AND having ANOTHER child FOR HIM to abandon is JUST AS DISGUSTING!!!!
No offense but you can't say she "chose" to do all those things when you don't know the person. Preservatives are not 100% efficient (me and my younger sibling were born while my mom was on pills) so it can happens that you get pregnant without wanting to. You are JUDGING OTHER PERSON you don't know based on your own perspectives. Maybe she is just blindly in love that she didn't notice he is like this, maybe she didn't want to have a child but it just happened what should she do, abort it?? Maybe this op is just overreacting because she doesn't like the guy. There are too many possibilities but you chose to be an ahole and judge someone you don't know. Take care of your own life moron
The kid is 4 and school bound. Just how relevant is this fight? One kid who will soon be in school.
This should be at the top of the list.
Maybe she tryna homeschool the kid although there's no mention about that, just an assumption
This should be settled now. Once the precedent is set she'll be sitting while he's slaving for the next decade or so.
Indeed, since they can afford day care with 2 incomes and the kids about to be baby sat by school anyway with a Bus to take them. I have never met anyone that resented their parents for earning money as long as the kid was taught how to put some pizza rolls in the toasterOven or get on a stool put some canned soup in a bowl & microwave and do their homework before mom & dad get home. SAHM is only for a helpless baby.
NTA. No, you're not being sexist, you're not being lazy; in fact you'd be taking on about a dozen extra hours a week for her to even do this....... I mean, does she not think you deserve some rest and also an opportunity to spend quality time with your daughter? I'd say she takes that arrangement or she continues to contribute income to the household.
I agree with this too. I think the wife is the one being lazy. He's going to have to put long hours in a single day and sometimes during the weekend. Surely she can clean the house, prepare meals and get the washer/dryer going. A 4 y.o. is almost ready for kindergarten and needs minimal attention from a parent. Unless they have more children, what is she going to do? I was a SAHM for 13 years. I was either pregnant, breastfeeding or both. My husband cleaned the floors, which I didn't like doing but he didn't mind. But he also took care of the car, trash, etc.
I was thinking the same thing about school. Why would you become a SAHM just before your kid goes to school?? If she wanted to be a SAHM, the discussion should have been had when the kid was younger.
Actually the older kids get the busier things get. I became a sahm when my oldest was entering middle school. We r glad I did because all evening long I'm chauffeuring them to and fro so I have very little time to do house work or even relax in the evenings. Luckily my husband and I were able to do this but not everyone can or should.
R u kidding me!?! I was a full time nanny wit only a cpl chores on top of that & that job was JUST as tiring as bartending! & I only was there 8 hrs a day! This woman now has a 24/7 job where she's xpected 2 cook all his & the kids meals, do evryones laundry, clean up aftr EVERY1 & the house (which is manual labor & takes many hrs per day if u dont have a maid evry wk). Theres no effin way thats fair! My dad wrked 70 hrs a wk wit a 2 hr commute & could b a jerk but even he knew he had 2 help out like 10%! Otherwise my mom wouldve NEVER gotten a break! Askin her 2 do 85% of the hwrk,cookin etc is reasonable, but not ALL!! its hard 4 me 2 evn keep up wit my chores & I live alone wit no kids & only wrk 32 hrs a wk now. How bout she wrks the same hrs as him doin the house stuff, cookin etc then see how many MORE hrs it actually takes 2 finish all shes xpected 2 including gettin up in the mid of the nite if th kid is scared/sick. & most 4& 5 yr olds do half days!
Ivee been a single father for 16 fn years, and you are an absolutely ignorant, spoiled, entitled pos.
Especially since he said he would be helping out during weekends, but less on weekdays. It sounds like a fair trade.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
A SAHM already works 24/7 to be on-call for a child. Looking at this while minimizing the constant back-breaking drudgery of doing laundry, cooking meals, cleaning house and washing dishes trivializes what SAH PARENTS do every day. There are no coffee breaks, no afternoons off, no weekend breaks away from the child to recharge batteries. Hubby expecting to work 12 hours and then recreate, game, drink, whatever he does, while Mum is on call permanently is not fair but he wants to live-in luxury? Hell to the no.
He literally says he rests after work.
Oh, stfû. No breaks, that's a load of fn sh*t. There are plenty of breaks. Also hobnobbing with other wives, hair days, etc. You're a lying pos. And yeah, I've been a single father for 16 fn years and did everything so I know you're simply a whiny a*s, entitled fn ahôle.
As a sahm I can guaran-damn-tee you I never once hob nobbed or had a 'hair day'. In fact, when the kids were little, I went almost 5 years without any kind of haircut. It stayed in a ponytail anyway.... every sahp is different. I knew women who did have their hair and nails done weekly and had sitters - but that certainly isn't true for every one. And calling someone a pos for expressing an opinion? That makes YTA.
You're a lying sack of sh*t too. You act like you were doing sh*t 24/7 365, and that's simply scientifically and logically impossible. No, YTA for trying to act like some kind of fn martyred slave. Foh.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Wtf IS WRONG WITH U PEOPLE!? HOW is making ur wife hav a 24/7 job literally doin all YOUR laundry, cookin YOUR meals (+ kids & hers) & doin ALL the housework + 80% of the parenting somehow equal 2 his 60 hrs!? When does SHE get a break!? Why cant he do his own laundry at least? Its fair 4 her 2 do MOST of the house stuff (as most women end up doin it anyway) but DEFINITLY NOT ALL!! Iwas a nanny 4 yrs full time & 4 xtras I only had 2 do kids laundry & keep her room clean -after 8 hrs of that I was more tired than 8 hrs of bartending & I didn't have2 cook the whole fam dinner, do parents laundry or anythin else the wife is gonna hav 2 do 4 OTHERS & herself! If he doesnt chip in shes gonna get super resentful. My advice is let her wrk partime & dont force 24/7 prof maid, chef & nanny jobs on her! She, btw, RISKED HER LIFE & damaged her body 2 hav HIS kid!
Then keep her job! If she feels It's too much then she should keep working. But she can't foister more work hours on her husband while her own chore list doesn't increase. And 4 year olds are mostly self reliant and make their own fun. I'm currently living with my sister and her two year old and can manage the house chores with him there on my days off. I just give him a toy car and he plays where I can see him while I cook, do laundry, clean or even watch TV and he's 2! He only needs me to bathe and feed him and pay him attention when ever he demands but is mostly happy to do his own thing while I relax. Unless their daughter has some challenges mentally or physically, she's just trying to have her cake and eat it too. There are challenging days but it's not every day! And she didn't damage her body to have his kid, it's their kid.
You want to know an ahole. My former spouse had me drop.the baby at daycare so he could play video games at home. When I returned home I was expected.to cook and clean. That's an ahole.
He really sounds like a big selfish a*****e. Hope you are doing good now.
If she was a single mom who would clean ?
I'm glad for you that he is a former spouse. Congratulations!
The operative word here being FORMER spouse. Kudos to you!
Hope u have rehomed him cause u can do bad all by yourself
Girl I've been there! Mine said he couldn't take care of our child because her needed to look for a job. I paid mortgage, two cars, child care, did the cooking, and the cleaning while he spent two years trying to find work.
I have a bad feeling my daughter's video playing boy friend is going to do the same thing. Expect her to work and pay for childcare while he stays home and sleeps and plays video games. They have a baby on the way and I have got to figure out a way to move somewhere else closer to HER to help with my first grandbaby or else I fear she is going to be all alone raising their baby boy. He already neglects his other sons from his marriage to his children's mom. It's a sad desperate situation. One I don't know what to do about. I just don't want all the weight falling on her shoulders alone and I have no doubt he is going to do this to her.
No offense but your daughter CHOSE to have a baby W him! KNOWING he neglected his other children, KNOWING he lazy- she made her OWN bed, don't make him the ONLY bad guy here, she's one TOO! It's DISGUSTING for a man to abandon his kids but the woman standing by his side, enabling it AND having ANOTHER child FOR HIM to abandon is JUST AS DISGUSTING!!!!
No offense but you can't say she "chose" to do all those things when you don't know the person. Preservatives are not 100% efficient (me and my younger sibling were born while my mom was on pills) so it can happens that you get pregnant without wanting to. You are JUDGING OTHER PERSON you don't know based on your own perspectives. Maybe she is just blindly in love that she didn't notice he is like this, maybe she didn't want to have a child but it just happened what should she do, abort it?? Maybe this op is just overreacting because she doesn't like the guy. There are too many possibilities but you chose to be an ahole and judge someone you don't know. Take care of your own life moron
The kid is 4 and school bound. Just how relevant is this fight? One kid who will soon be in school.
This should be at the top of the list.
Maybe she tryna homeschool the kid although there's no mention about that, just an assumption
This should be settled now. Once the precedent is set she'll be sitting while he's slaving for the next decade or so.
Indeed, since they can afford day care with 2 incomes and the kids about to be baby sat by school anyway with a Bus to take them. I have never met anyone that resented their parents for earning money as long as the kid was taught how to put some pizza rolls in the toasterOven or get on a stool put some canned soup in a bowl & microwave and do their homework before mom & dad get home. SAHM is only for a helpless baby.