Husband Is Furious Wife Left Him With Their 4 Kids For The Weekend, She Finds The House Trashed And His Suitcase Packed When She Gets Back
For better or worse, people are waking up to the fact that raising a kid is a lot of work. Add in the general need to maintain a household, work a 9-5 job, and possibly extra kids, and even the most hardworking among us will be exhausted. But at least the advantage of having a partner is that you can rely on another person to pick up the slack and help out when the going gets tough. Or so one would think.
A woman asked the internet if she was in the wrong for leaving her husband with their four kids for two days. This seems like a case where context is key, and readers discovered that not only was she doing all the housekeeping but also working full time. So any reasonable husband would at least not protest when she wanted to take some time for herself.
Divvying up the responsibilities of parenting, finances, and general household maintenance can strain even the best relationships
Image credits: EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA (not the actual photo)
A woman shared her experience with a husband that dumped all the household responsibilities on her since she worked from home
So she decided to take a few days just for herself and found out her husband was basically incapable of anything
Image credits: AnnaStills (not the actual photo)
Image source: Chemical-Mess-7883
Working from home does not equal a leisurely life, particularly when childcare is involved
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
The mother in the story mentioned that she worked from home, a point of contention with her husband. While it certainly must seem nice to be at home and not, say, in traffic or on a crowded subway, this particular woman also had to keep track of not two, not three, but four young children. Her ability to keep a job at the same time is seriously impressive. And why wouldn’t she want to stay home? Most Americans, if given the opportunity, will work from home. One-third of those surveyed by McKinsey had the ability to work from home full-time and chose to use it. 23% preferred the hybrid model and would come in a handful of days a week. Setting that aside, there is also the question of who will actually take care of the kids in this scenario.
While very old-fashioned folks would still insist that a woman needs to watch the children, the flexibility of modern work makes this argument irrelevant. Particularly in this story, where there was no indication the man was the primary breadwinner. His inability to clean dishes does not point towards discipline or a hard-working gene. Regardless, in the 21st century, more flexible jobs have actually helped many couples deal with sharing domestic responsibilities. In the UK, after WFH became more normalized, husbands tended to actually help more around the house. Interestingly, the cases where the division was still very unequal were in areas or companies that chose to limit WFH possibilities.
No matter how convenient the arraignment, unequal work around the house leads to unhappy marriages
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
The unfortunate reality is that working from home won’t help couples that already maintain an unequal balance of household responsibilities. This is a social and cultural issue suffered predominantly by women in marriages where they are expected to still work and keep the house clean. Setting aside boilerplate sexism, it is embarrassing that the husband in this particular story could hardly keep the house together after a mere two days. To add insult to his own injury, he insisted his wife had it easy while failing to maintain her partial workload for less than half of a week. It’s also worth noting that the wife, based on her follow-up comments, is a software developer, which is a far cry from a simple job.
Every relationship is different, but the general trend in marital satisfaction points towards honest communication and helping each other. More bluntly, marriages, where one partner does everything, have less happiness across the board, both in the bedroom and in general life satisfaction. This same study also indicates that even in cases where the arrangement benefits the man, like this story, couples indicated less intimacy and less overall satisfaction with the relationship. In cases where the man indicated that he was very happy with the arrangement and his marriage, it was a result of him seeing the wife as more of a domestic servant than a partner and human.
Commenters sided with OP over how badly her husband treated her
Others offered advice on how to proceed with what was clearly a dysfunctional household
what marriage is she talking about? All I see here is a woman with 4 small children, and a 27 year old son.
Slight correction, 27 year old amoeba.
Sometimes I think people subconsciously post on AITA to get support to leave, that guy sounds like he used weaponized incompetence, is sexist, and he doesn't want to parent his own children. And instead of thinking "oh this is what OP has to deal with all the time...oh but she works full time also," he throws a hissy fit and leaves his children and wife to go stay at his momma's house.
I think it's a legitimate way of psyching yourself up perhaps.
And I am here all DAY to psyche them up to leave!
Haha⬆️ Cuckoo, your comment was awesome!
WFH and SAH people need to set the understanding early: that does not mean you do it all. When the other spouse gets home, co-parenting starts. If they need a break, then the home spouse also gets a break.
As a former SAH I agree. After we got divorced my ex still only took the kids on the weekends, but it was the first time in 10 years I HAD TIME TO MYSELF.
My wife is a SAH. But I take the kids on a trip to see my parents one weekend per month, plus she goes to her art studio three times a week after school. She also has yoga on Sundays. I take my kids to Karate twice a week, and Occupational Therapy once a week (both kids little ones go so my wife can have alone time). Also they're in school full time. If you do the math on it, I spend more time with my little ones. But, I am the clean one in the house. Literally this morning, my wife blows her nose and throws the tissue onto the dining room table. I have to follow everyone around and throw out trash, flush the toilets, put clothes in the hamper, and clean the dishes. I work from the moment I get up at 7:00 until around 22:00 (so a 15 hour day). So I definitely understand the frustration. Sometimes my wife will spend the day with the kids at her mom's, that is my moment of peace. I still try to get cleaning done, but nobody is yelling at me for snacks.
As a WFH person, I agree.
I have questions and concerns about your family dynamics if you wfh and your spouse sah but you spend the majority of the time with the kids taking care of them and the house.
She's got her jobs too. She deals with a lot of the paperwork stuff, especially the school special-ed program, which is a huge time suck. Just fighting for services for my oldest daughter, and now it looks like my little one will also be needing help. That's the stuff she likes doing, arguing with people. She's very confrontational, something I am not. I'm just more kid-friendly and a bit more patient and forgiving (especially now that I'm on the right medication, lol).
Ah, I gotcha. Always important to have both, especially with kids that need help.
what marriage is she talking about? All I see here is a woman with 4 small children, and a 27 year old son.
Slight correction, 27 year old amoeba.
Sometimes I think people subconsciously post on AITA to get support to leave, that guy sounds like he used weaponized incompetence, is sexist, and he doesn't want to parent his own children. And instead of thinking "oh this is what OP has to deal with all the time...oh but she works full time also," he throws a hissy fit and leaves his children and wife to go stay at his momma's house.
I think it's a legitimate way of psyching yourself up perhaps.
And I am here all DAY to psyche them up to leave!
Haha⬆️ Cuckoo, your comment was awesome!
WFH and SAH people need to set the understanding early: that does not mean you do it all. When the other spouse gets home, co-parenting starts. If they need a break, then the home spouse also gets a break.
As a former SAH I agree. After we got divorced my ex still only took the kids on the weekends, but it was the first time in 10 years I HAD TIME TO MYSELF.
My wife is a SAH. But I take the kids on a trip to see my parents one weekend per month, plus she goes to her art studio three times a week after school. She also has yoga on Sundays. I take my kids to Karate twice a week, and Occupational Therapy once a week (both kids little ones go so my wife can have alone time). Also they're in school full time. If you do the math on it, I spend more time with my little ones. But, I am the clean one in the house. Literally this morning, my wife blows her nose and throws the tissue onto the dining room table. I have to follow everyone around and throw out trash, flush the toilets, put clothes in the hamper, and clean the dishes. I work from the moment I get up at 7:00 until around 22:00 (so a 15 hour day). So I definitely understand the frustration. Sometimes my wife will spend the day with the kids at her mom's, that is my moment of peace. I still try to get cleaning done, but nobody is yelling at me for snacks.
As a WFH person, I agree.
I have questions and concerns about your family dynamics if you wfh and your spouse sah but you spend the majority of the time with the kids taking care of them and the house.
She's got her jobs too. She deals with a lot of the paperwork stuff, especially the school special-ed program, which is a huge time suck. Just fighting for services for my oldest daughter, and now it looks like my little one will also be needing help. That's the stuff she likes doing, arguing with people. She's very confrontational, something I am not. I'm just more kid-friendly and a bit more patient and forgiving (especially now that I'm on the right medication, lol).
Ah, I gotcha. Always important to have both, especially with kids that need help.