“He Spiked My Drink So He Could Save Me”: Wife Confronts “Creep” Husband After Finding His Diary
Most people would likely agree that trust is one of the key elements in a happy and healthy relationship. That’s why no matter how big or small the reason, breaking it can have irreversible consequences.
For this redditor, it was learning that her entire marriage was built on lies that broke the trust completely. Not only was her now husband hiding the truth about how they met 20 years ago, he was stalking her then, which made it impossible for the woman to continue with life as she knew it.
Trust is typically the foundation of any romantic relationship
Image credits: Pressmaster (not the actual photo)
This woman’s trust was broken when she learned that her husband lied about the way they met two decades ago
Image credits: Direct-Caterpillar77
Image credits: emneemsphotos (not the actual photo)
Fellow redditors shared their thoughts on the OP’s mind-boggling discovery in the comments under the post
The redditor shared an update with the netizens disclosing how the story developed
Image credits: Mizuno K (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Direct-Caterpillar77
Lack of trust can eventually lead to the relationship reaching its final point
Any relationship typically involves some level of trust, be it a best friend that you confide in or a car mechanic that you trust to do his job well. But it’s safe to assume that romantic relationships require building a level of trust stronger than most, especially if the couple expects to spend the rest of their lives together.
Anyone who’s ever tried maintaining a relationship with someone they care about has likely experienced just how important being able to trust them is. And research backs that up; one of the numerous studies on the matter suggests that lack of trust can lead to conflictual situations in a couple as well as an inclination to end the relationship altogether.
Researcher of relationships and marriage expert John Gottman seconded the idea that such confidence in one’s partner is crucially important for the well-being of the relationship. After having scientifically tested certain trust and betrayal metrics, the expert found that a high level of trust positively affects the connection between significant others.
In a piece for the Greater Good Magazine, Gottman emphasized that trust is gained little by little over time. Providing an example from his own personal experience of being there for his wife when she was upset, he explained that it’s all in the small moments: “Now, at that moment, I was building trust; I was there for her. I was connecting with her rather than choosing to think only about what I wanted. These are the moments, we’ve discovered, that build trust.”
The expert added that one such moment might not be that important, but always choosing to turn away from your person in similar situations might gradually and slowly erode the relationship entirely.
Image credits: freestocks.org (not the actual photo)
Secrecy can cause irreversible damage, even if the relationship survives
One of the things that erode trust in the relationship the most is lying, which, according to a ‘Science of Honesty’ study, can negatively affect not only people’s relationships but their health as well. Over the course of the study—10 weeks, to be exact—participants had to refrain from telling major and minor lies, which resulted in fewer mental-health (feeling tense or melancholy) and physical (sore throats and headaches) complaints, as well as improved personal relationships and smoother social interactions.
Unfortunately, roughly one-in-ten married couples admit they don’t trust their significant other, which can be quite painful for both sides, especially the longer it lasts. “For everyone involved, the pain of the secrecy compounds the pain over the initial event, and the longer the deception continues, the more damaging it is to self-esteem,” licensed marriage and family therapist, psychotherapist, and author Darlene Lancer wrote in Psychology Today.
The expert also pointed out that when the truth eventually does come out, it can make the person make sense of their partner’s peculiar behavior or explain things previously unknown; but it can also be devastating and traumatic to find that the person they loved and trusted has betrayed them. “It can shatter the image we have of our partner, as well as our confidence in ourselves and even reality itself,” she pointed out, adding that even if the relationship survives such a hit, there’s still loss when trust is broken.
According to the OP’s update, her relationship wasn’t immediately cut off, as the couple was trying to figure things out with the help of therapy. Yet some redditors in the comments seemed concerned over the woman’s decision to stay in touch with her husband after learning what he has done in the past.
Image credits: Odonata Wellnesscenter (not the actual photo)
People in the comments seemed concerned about the OP’s well-being and safety
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What’s even more disgusting is that twenty years ago, his behavior was still being treated as highly romantic. Hell, for countless centuries books, as well as music, were written with that very same plot line, and they later inspired hundreds of rom com movies and TV shows once those mediums were invented. So of course, since it wasn’t looked on as deviant behavior back then, he didn’t feel like he was doing anything wrong. Even though he was. I’m 63 and was the only sister of 4 older brothers. I can tell you, with a degree of authority, that the vast majority of men do NOT stalk—-and never even thought of doing it, even back in the day when it was considered OK! Hell, OP’s husband probably kept his stalking mementos because he thought the kids would think of it as part of their parents’ romance. Little did he realize that society would finally understand that stalking is deviant and manipulative behavior, and is definitely NOT romantic. TBH, if he saw her at the gym and liked her right away, that is where he should’ve struck up an appropriately nice conversation, even if it was about the weather or some non-important subject. Then he could’ve smiled and waved and maybe spoken to her if he saw her again. Making himself an known—-safe—-quantity to her, and letting HER choose if she wanted to take things further would’ve been the NORMAL thing to do. NOT taking pictures and keeping journals of her behavior and habits for two solid years, then devising a scenario where he becomes her hero, even though HE was the one who put the rufie in her drink, ffs!
If he stalked her before he even knew her, it frightens me to think of what he would do after separating from marriage…
He’s probably now stalking her while separated. Wonder if he’s also manipulated her during the marriage and she just doesn’t know about it. Scary creep.
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He has no moral compass. Very scary. He's fine as long as he gets what he wants. But now? What will he do to keep her? Lock her up? Kill her?
One wonders if he’s stalked other women during their marriage.
Load More Replies... What’s even more disgusting is that twenty years ago, his behavior was still being treated as highly romantic. Hell, for countless centuries books, as well as music, were written with that very same plot line, and they later inspired hundreds of rom com movies and TV shows once those mediums were invented. So of course, since it wasn’t looked on as deviant behavior back then, he didn’t feel like he was doing anything wrong. Even though he was. I’m 63 and was the only sister of 4 older brothers. I can tell you, with a degree of authority, that the vast majority of men do NOT stalk—-and never even thought of doing it, even back in the day when it was considered OK! Hell, OP’s husband probably kept his stalking mementos because he thought the kids would think of it as part of their parents’ romance. Little did he realize that society would finally understand that stalking is deviant and manipulative behavior, and is definitely NOT romantic. TBH, if he saw her at the gym and liked her right away, that is where he should’ve struck up an appropriately nice conversation, even if it was about the weather or some non-important subject. Then he could’ve smiled and waved and maybe spoken to her if he saw her again. Making himself an known—-safe—-quantity to her, and letting HER choose if she wanted to take things further would’ve been the NORMAL thing to do. NOT taking pictures and keeping journals of her behavior and habits for two solid years, then devising a scenario where he becomes her hero, even though HE was the one who put the rufie in her drink, ffs!
If he stalked her before he even knew her, it frightens me to think of what he would do after separating from marriage…
He’s probably now stalking her while separated. Wonder if he’s also manipulated her during the marriage and she just doesn’t know about it. Scary creep.
Load More Replies... He has no moral compass. Very scary. He's fine as long as he gets what he wants. But now? What will he do to keep her? Lock her up? Kill her?
One wonders if he’s stalked other women during their marriage.
Load More Replies...
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