Dad Is Livid Over His Mother-In-Law Sneakily Breastfeeding His Daughter And Firing The Nanny Without Consulting Him, Calls The Cops On Her
A widowed dad who lost his wife Anne, 34, just minutes after she gave birth to their first baby Sammy, recently shared a story that blasted the internet. In a post on r/AITA, the dad who goes by the handle u/SammyandMe35 said that before going back for work, he asked his mother-in-law Sandra if she could recommend a nanny and she offered to do it for free.
Things then took a weird turn. “Everything was fine for the first couple of weeks until I noticed that Sammy’s not feeding as much. Her formula’s barely touched,” the dad recounted. But when he asked the MIL why the baby wasn’t feeding well, “She said she’s trying to breastfeed my daughter,” and added that “at first I thought she was joking, then I realized she wasn’t.”
It soon turned out this wasn’t the first time Sandra had tried to secretly breastfeed the baby and it was far from the only thing that pushed the dad to the brink of his nerves.
Recently, a widowed dad shared how he called the cops on his mother-in-law for trespassing after she entered his home and fired his babysitter
Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)
The conflict blew up after the dad walked in on the MIL breastfeeding his baby daughter not once but multiple times
Image credits: Dave Clubb (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Erik Mclean (not the actual photo)
Later, the dad added some updates about how the incident evolved
Many people felt shocked about this whole situation and showed their support to the dad
I hope OP doesn't hire that nanny back either. She was fired by someone who was a stranger to her, and didn't think to contact the person who hired her (the OP) to check a) if that was the case and b) if it was ok to leave the baby with this woman claiming to be his mother.
I think it may be more nuanced and not so b&w. Considering the MIL was there more than the father and had more contact with the nanny, coming and going as she pleases, there may not have been clarity of who was in charge. As far as we and maybe even the father knows, the MIL could have more than implied she was. The father had the responsibility for o communicate to nanny that even tho MIL is always present, she doesn’t make the decisions
Load More Replies...I am absolutely stunned. For the first time reading these AITA posts I am shocked senseless. Just wow. NTA for the action taken for sure, however you are the AH for not protection your daughter from that mentally ill woman after the first discovery. Something as wrong as that should be a first strike and you are out kind of situation. That kind of messed up behavior does NOT deserve a second chance.
NTA*10^25! Sandra needs to go to jail for child neglect and fraud for impersonating OP's mother to fire the nanny.
Calling the cops was an extreme thing to have to do but it most definitely had to be done. No matter how much MIL was grieving, this was so incredibly far beyond what is remotely reasonable, it had to be done.
She threatened with CPS. She just wants to have the kid, so he had to call.
Load More Replies...The mil is having some seriously disturbing mental health issues right now and needs to focus on them asap! His daughter's health and safety is number one in his life and he needs to focus on her and mil needs to stay away until she is healthy again for the sake of the baby's safety. Mil's behaviors are appalling and scary, she needs help, her family needs to step up for her. Hopefully his mother can provide some much needed guidance since she has a history as a retired family law attorney. Someone needs to have a clear head in this situation right now.
I started reading and was like she's probably being too over bearing, then got smacked with a sharp left turn...dude don't leave her alone with that child EVER! Not only did she do what she did but she did it behind your back, so who knows what else she is doing or is willing to do.
Change the locks. I would suggest going through an agency for the nanny. The benefit is pre-screening and liability coverage if something happens to the nanny or, God forbid, the baby. An agency will also require vaccinations for their personnel to ensure they are not passing anything to the child. Lastly, I agree with another poster that you should not hire back the previous nanny since she didn't seem to have the presence of mind to call you to confirm that this woman was allowed to fire her and care for the baby in her absence.
The number of stories I have heard over the last decade of grandmothers trying to breast-feed their grandchildren is off the rails. WTF is wrong with someone that she'd would even think this is remotely acceptable in any circumstance?!
what a sad situation. I agree with those who say the MIL has some serious issues going on. And also - she can't have gotten this irrational out of nowhere. Yes, grief can sure do it but it's almost like she thinks she can be her daughter if she takes her place. You CAN induce lactation if you haven't given birth but it's a complex process and takes MONTHS and doctor's assistance. It's done with hormone-mimicking drugs. Even at that, there is no promise it would ever be enough to solely sustain the baby - all that work and time might only produce a few drops of milk. Formula is going to be needed, period. The fact that MIL didn't even look into the reality of it and is willing to starve the baby meanwhile is criminal. And yes,,WHY give her the keys anyway? She is dangerous. And too bad what BIL and SIL and anyone thinks. It's also putting any nanny in danger being there. Funny how the family of asses always gang up to defend them. Find a nanny who is an ex-marine
NTA. Number one remember this. NO ONE other than the parents have parental rights, period. I would put her (MIKL) in jail for what she did. That was child abuse and assault. You need to cut MIL out of your life until she gets psychological help and resolves her issues. Until then, she is a danger to your child.
This is not necessarily true in many many different circumstances.
Load More Replies...I agree with some earlier comments: this woman seems seriously confused. I'm sure grief can do that sometimes, if nothing else we all handle a crisis differently, but I'm afraid that makes no difference - trying to take control over the grandchild wouldn't help, apart from it being absolutely unacceptable. It doesn't seem to me that the police was called out of spite either, at that point I would have done the same. The points being made wasn't being received, quite obviously. To my mind this is a terribly sad situation all around really.
She obviously made another key, which is how she got in a second time. Change the locks. NTA.
Why the he** wasn't this child taken away from someone that emotionally unstable ASAP? You just do *not* do that to a kid ---- and grief is no excuse. The MIL needs inpatient help IMO.
Would it not be child abuse to force a grandchild to latch on to you? I'm so disturbed by that.
NTA. Just a creepy and gross situation your somehow in on top of what you already had to go through. Something is not right with your MIL’s thought process. She needs to go talk to someone and get some help.
Usually, I'd say YTA for calling the cops in a conflict like that, but she called CPS, so it only fair. This breast feeding thing...I read it is possible, but it's crazy to do that behind the back of the Dad. Almost insane. How could anybody in their right mind believe, this is ok. Which leads to the conclusion that the MIL is not in her right mind, probably because of the los of her daughter. I sincerely hope the MIL will get professional help and that they will find a solution for the conflict, because she is the grandmother.
Nah, this is a movie treatment😂 Doesn't this have Jennifer Garner in it?😂
Did you miss the part where she was starving the baby?
Load More Replies...A woman doesn’t just start lactating because a baby is sucking on her nipples….. Breast milk is produced when you have a child and will keep producing if you keep breast feeding. He was 1000% correct for calling the cops
Load More Replies...There are hormones a woman can take to stimulate milk production. Which means this woman was planning this ahead of time. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/expert-answers/induced-lactation/faq-20058403#:~:text=At%20delivery%2C%20levels%20of%20estrogen,increase%20and%20initiate%20milk%20production.
Load More Replies...I hope OP doesn't hire that nanny back either. She was fired by someone who was a stranger to her, and didn't think to contact the person who hired her (the OP) to check a) if that was the case and b) if it was ok to leave the baby with this woman claiming to be his mother.
I think it may be more nuanced and not so b&w. Considering the MIL was there more than the father and had more contact with the nanny, coming and going as she pleases, there may not have been clarity of who was in charge. As far as we and maybe even the father knows, the MIL could have more than implied she was. The father had the responsibility for o communicate to nanny that even tho MIL is always present, she doesn’t make the decisions
Load More Replies...I am absolutely stunned. For the first time reading these AITA posts I am shocked senseless. Just wow. NTA for the action taken for sure, however you are the AH for not protection your daughter from that mentally ill woman after the first discovery. Something as wrong as that should be a first strike and you are out kind of situation. That kind of messed up behavior does NOT deserve a second chance.
NTA*10^25! Sandra needs to go to jail for child neglect and fraud for impersonating OP's mother to fire the nanny.
Calling the cops was an extreme thing to have to do but it most definitely had to be done. No matter how much MIL was grieving, this was so incredibly far beyond what is remotely reasonable, it had to be done.
She threatened with CPS. She just wants to have the kid, so he had to call.
Load More Replies...The mil is having some seriously disturbing mental health issues right now and needs to focus on them asap! His daughter's health and safety is number one in his life and he needs to focus on her and mil needs to stay away until she is healthy again for the sake of the baby's safety. Mil's behaviors are appalling and scary, she needs help, her family needs to step up for her. Hopefully his mother can provide some much needed guidance since she has a history as a retired family law attorney. Someone needs to have a clear head in this situation right now.
I started reading and was like she's probably being too over bearing, then got smacked with a sharp left turn...dude don't leave her alone with that child EVER! Not only did she do what she did but she did it behind your back, so who knows what else she is doing or is willing to do.
Change the locks. I would suggest going through an agency for the nanny. The benefit is pre-screening and liability coverage if something happens to the nanny or, God forbid, the baby. An agency will also require vaccinations for their personnel to ensure they are not passing anything to the child. Lastly, I agree with another poster that you should not hire back the previous nanny since she didn't seem to have the presence of mind to call you to confirm that this woman was allowed to fire her and care for the baby in her absence.
The number of stories I have heard over the last decade of grandmothers trying to breast-feed their grandchildren is off the rails. WTF is wrong with someone that she'd would even think this is remotely acceptable in any circumstance?!
what a sad situation. I agree with those who say the MIL has some serious issues going on. And also - she can't have gotten this irrational out of nowhere. Yes, grief can sure do it but it's almost like she thinks she can be her daughter if she takes her place. You CAN induce lactation if you haven't given birth but it's a complex process and takes MONTHS and doctor's assistance. It's done with hormone-mimicking drugs. Even at that, there is no promise it would ever be enough to solely sustain the baby - all that work and time might only produce a few drops of milk. Formula is going to be needed, period. The fact that MIL didn't even look into the reality of it and is willing to starve the baby meanwhile is criminal. And yes,,WHY give her the keys anyway? She is dangerous. And too bad what BIL and SIL and anyone thinks. It's also putting any nanny in danger being there. Funny how the family of asses always gang up to defend them. Find a nanny who is an ex-marine
NTA. Number one remember this. NO ONE other than the parents have parental rights, period. I would put her (MIKL) in jail for what she did. That was child abuse and assault. You need to cut MIL out of your life until she gets psychological help and resolves her issues. Until then, she is a danger to your child.
This is not necessarily true in many many different circumstances.
Load More Replies...I agree with some earlier comments: this woman seems seriously confused. I'm sure grief can do that sometimes, if nothing else we all handle a crisis differently, but I'm afraid that makes no difference - trying to take control over the grandchild wouldn't help, apart from it being absolutely unacceptable. It doesn't seem to me that the police was called out of spite either, at that point I would have done the same. The points being made wasn't being received, quite obviously. To my mind this is a terribly sad situation all around really.
She obviously made another key, which is how she got in a second time. Change the locks. NTA.
Why the he** wasn't this child taken away from someone that emotionally unstable ASAP? You just do *not* do that to a kid ---- and grief is no excuse. The MIL needs inpatient help IMO.
Would it not be child abuse to force a grandchild to latch on to you? I'm so disturbed by that.
NTA. Just a creepy and gross situation your somehow in on top of what you already had to go through. Something is not right with your MIL’s thought process. She needs to go talk to someone and get some help.
Usually, I'd say YTA for calling the cops in a conflict like that, but she called CPS, so it only fair. This breast feeding thing...I read it is possible, but it's crazy to do that behind the back of the Dad. Almost insane. How could anybody in their right mind believe, this is ok. Which leads to the conclusion that the MIL is not in her right mind, probably because of the los of her daughter. I sincerely hope the MIL will get professional help and that they will find a solution for the conflict, because she is the grandmother.
Nah, this is a movie treatment😂 Doesn't this have Jennifer Garner in it?😂
Did you miss the part where she was starving the baby?
Load More Replies...A woman doesn’t just start lactating because a baby is sucking on her nipples….. Breast milk is produced when you have a child and will keep producing if you keep breast feeding. He was 1000% correct for calling the cops
Load More Replies...There are hormones a woman can take to stimulate milk production. Which means this woman was planning this ahead of time. https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/infant-and-toddler-health/expert-answers/induced-lactation/faq-20058403#:~:text=At%20delivery%2C%20levels%20of%20estrogen,increase%20and%20initiate%20milk%20production.
Load More Replies...
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