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Someone Online Was Curious About “What’s Your Unspoken Mom Code?” And 32 Mothers Came Through
There is no arguing that motherhood is challenging. Raising a brand new human into a well-developed, grown person is a huge responsibility requiring tons of time, effort, and patience.
Fortunately, thanks to their shared understanding, no mother is ever truly left to deal with this alone, regardless of her situation. This occurrence is known as the unspoken mom code, and in this Reddit thread, women share what they do to make it a little easier for fellow mothers.
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#4
My teen pointed this out to me- I didn’t even realize I do it- but if I see a child without an adult in arms reach I just stop and stare until I figure out who their adult is or talk with them until their adult Comes if no one is around. I think it’s just engrained in me!
#5
If you see a kid in danger, and it doesn't look like any other adult is going to do something, do something.
#7
I will entertain stranger's kids in confined public spaces (like buses or lineups) when I am not with my kids because it's such a godsend when people entertain mine.
#8
If you let your boyfriend abuse your kids and you choose your bf, you are no longer my friend.
#10
Compliment parents who go out on public with stickers on their faces or toddler marker "tattoos."
#11
I give honest feedback when another parent asks how things are going with xyz in relation to the kids. 4yo is a picky eater but doing well otherwise. Baby is still waking at night but we’ll turn a corner soon. I think parents find solace when they hear real stories from other parents.
#12
Always offer to take photos of moms with their kids if I see them grabbing pictures of just the kids.
#14
If I am at a playground with friends we will help each other’s kids and do zone parenting- it’s an unspoken rule.
#16
I will warn you if my kid is even slightly suspected to be sick or we were recently exposed to an illness but aren’t currently sick so you can make a judgment call on if you want to be near us. To a weirdly specific amount “they sneezed 3 times today, could be nothing? Could be a new global pandemic- no fever but acting normal FYi” I expect you to do the same. Even if it’s “they have chronic asthma and that barky cough is lingering from an asthma attack this morning.” I’ll never forget before I had kids one of my friends had 4 kids, saved for years and was leaving on a dream vacation to Hawaii, she was leaving in a few days… when another mom casually mentioned (an hour into a visit) her kid was confirmed positive with Flu A AND B. We cut her out of our lives after that and refer to her as “fluzie Suzie” thankfully Hawaii moms kid didn’t get sick (she had an awesome trip!) but the sheer stupidity of exposing us all and thinking it was fine?? It was unreal.
#18
This thread makes me so happy. Today we were loading our twin 3.5yr olds into the car at the farmers market. My boy twin wasn’t being bad just taking his sweet time sitting straight in his seat, getting buckled etc. This older lady was waiting to get into her car next to us and was like “ok T, let’s get buckled real quick someone is waiting (!!!)” and she was like “oh don’t worry, I remember those days!” Similarly, someone at the store watched my daughter in the cart (right behind me) in the parking lot while I loaded her brother. And it was just this nice little balm of relief. So whenever I see someone with kids I hold the door or give a knowing smile because that solidarity is everything.
#19
This is not exacty ‘unspoken’, but I ask moms ( and dads) how they are doing. And genuinely try to actually ‘see’ and ‘hear’ their response. We all do so much, but all focus and energy is on the kids. It’s really special when someone acknowledge and ‘sees’ me and all I do so I try to do the same.
#20
I pass on my grandmother’s wisdom to “never wake a sleeping baby.” I try not to wake sleeping tweens if I can help it! Kids need sleep!
#23
All my supplies are available to any who need it if I have it on hand. Diapers, wipes, tissues, bandaids, snacks, even tampons if need be. My purse is PACKED lol I realized I alwayd give up my space in line to parents with kids too lol.. if I'm out without my kid that is. I understand all to well needing to get the [darn] ouuuuuutt and finish up whatever errand you're on. And lastly I never judge, only listen and support. If you want to tell me you just f*****g hate being a mom today, I am here. We all have those days.
#24
Offer to help a mom traveling solo with a kid at the airport if I’m able (once offered to help unfold the stroller but the woman said I could hold her 1yo! I was away from mine the same age so it was nice for both of us.)
#25
Unless I have a very good reason to say no, our RSVP for birthday party invites will be yes.
#27
If I see a mom or dad struggling with an unruly kid I always give them a smile and nod, typically even a comment to the effect that they are doing a good job.
#29
I send a little "I'm thinking of you" present (usually coffee gift card) to new mom friends at 6 weeks postpartum. I feel like that's the loneliest point in the journey because most other people don't check on you as much and many people have to start prepping to return to work, etc.
#31
Compliment. Smile. Share stuff. Offer help. Try to remember that not everyone has your knowledge and privilege. I mean I guess these are good rules in general but I think particularly for other parents.
#32
If one mom declares the park is closing, we are all leaving. Park is CLOSED Hahaha.
#33
If mom has an older child and a baby, I make sure to acknowledge the older child as well as the baby. "What a cutie, and what a great big (sibling)!"
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