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Toxic masculinity is a term that has evolved over time and now has a place both in academia and everyday speech. In short, it describes the negative aspects of exaggerated masculine traits. This concept is often illustrated in popular culture, including through the use of memes like the sigma face meme, which can highlight and sometimes critique these exaggerated traits.
A few days ago, Reddit user TacoHellDriveThru decided to figure out what that means for men personally. So they submitted a question to r/AskReddit, saying: "What's a form of toxic masculinity you've experienced in your life as a male?" TacoHellDriveThru specified they only wanted serious answers, and serious answers are what they got.
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#1
People act like I'm suspicious or dangerous when I travel alone with my daughter.
Every time I go out in public without her mother I get people watching me closely. I parked my car in a parking lot to feed her lunch a while back (didn't want to take her inside due to COVID) and a group of people gawked and circled our vehicle in their truck a few times. That is not an uncommon experience for me.
I'm legitimately afraid to take her into a family bathroom because I fear some Karen is going to call the police and tell them I am doing something unspeakable because God forbid a man act like a nurturing parent in public. I'm scared I'm going to get a gun pulled on me in front of my daughter.
A lot of people assume that a lone man with a child or adjacent to children is a predator by default.
If they're not assuming I'm a predator, I still get comments like "Babysitting for mom?" No, I'm not babysitting for mom. I am her parent and I'm every bit as capable at it as her mother. Me taking my child to the park and feeding her lunch isn't "babysitting" just because I am doing it alone.
Ren Karlej 4 years ago
I genuinely see plenty of men out with their babies and small children and no-one seems to be taking any notice. Everyday I'm out walking my dogs and see dads cycling with their children, in the play areas. The dads seem relaxed and not bothered by anyone. I hope that's more common than not. The babysitting thing - that I do hear more often.
Catlady6000 4 years ago
This may be more of a U.S. thing. Horrible things happening to kids get a lot of air time over here
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Bobert Robertson 4 years ago
I can relate to this a lot. I'm a white male, my wife is Mexican. Naturally, my two kids have darker skin than I do. As a male, walking alone holding hands with my darker skinned 5 year old daughter, a lot of people can't comprehend that just maybe I really am her father.... Despite it being 2021, people still don't believe that mixed race marriages are a common thing
Bobert Robertson 4 years ago
as a father, I haaaaate hate hate when my wife is busy and people say "ah so you're babysitting today?" NO! It's a blessing to be able to get some quality alone time with my kids so we have a chance to bond one on one. Any parent who calls it babysitting is doing it wrong
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
I hear this kind of thing quite often and it is awful the amount of single fathers or dads spending time with their kids get judged. These men are our partners, sons, brothers etc. There are more good men than bad, it is just we hear more about the bad, than the good.
Lucas 4 years ago
It might not be their experience though and saying so isn't trivialising. It is actually GREAT news that it isn't their experience. It shows that dads and their children are just seen as normal and everyday in some places on the planet! I've not been bothered or stopped when with my nieces or godchildren. Just not something that has ever been an issue. That is not me trivialising anything. I hate that it happens.
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Lorelai Purvis 4 years ago
people are wrong on so many levels here... he's her parent so respect that and don't assume he's "babysitting" um he's parenting and that's what you call it when a parent is taking freakin good care of their child
WholesomeArmyweeb 4 years ago
This sucks. Did my father get this treatment, being a single father?! If so that’s upsetting. I’m a little disgusted with society
aesthetic.baddie27 4 years ago
It sucks that all the bad people have made innocent people look bad.
Dr. Esther De Dauw, a comic scholar working on superheroes, gender, race, and anti-hegemonic narratives, agrees that toxic masculinity is deeply rooted in our society. "The stories we tell, our popular myths, films, books, etc, are ways for us to make sense of the world," she told Bored Panda. "A lot of our storytelling is wrapped up in toxic masculinity—it's all about the hero who can stand alone, take care of business, who doesn’t cry or relies on his community."
"We see these stories as kids and the adults in our lives tend to enforce the lessons taken from these stories 'boys don't cry', 'no means yes', etc. And then we become adults and while we might tell different stories, we tend to embed the values we've grown up with in our stories—because to us that's just how the world is, it's our normative world view. Research in sociology and psychology increasingly points to media as a really powerful tool to pass on norms and values, and with the increased media presence in our lives through smartphones, tablets, and binge culture – we’re constantly being influenced."
De Dauw also co-authored a book on the subject. Titled Toxic Masculinity: Mapping the Monstrous in Our Heroes, it's an exciting exploration of the impact of hypermasculinity on the creation of the modern superhero.
RELATED:
#2
I've been called 'gay' for rescuing a starving kitten and taking it to the RSPCA.
Horse lover 4 years ago
Week your name says you are a part of LGBTQIA+ so close enough!
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LesAnimaux 4 years ago
If that's what makes a person gay, please be gay. I applaud you for taking care of that kitten.
Katie Lutesinger 4 years ago
Because REAL (ie straight) men leave small helpless animals to die?? Yikes. I didn't know being a straight guy meant you also have to be a goddamn sociopath...
Lorelai Purvis 4 years ago
1. how is gay even an insult and 2. thank you for saving that kitten
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
What in the what now? People who think like this are complete morons. Didn’t realise saving an animals was gay.
Elizabeth Molloy 4 years ago
You are awesome. Those people are on a whole new level of stupidity.
Dr. De Dauw highlighted that when we're talking about toxic masculinity, we're not just talking about general sexism. "Of course, they're related and influence each other, but toxic masculinity is about the extreme rejection of what our culture thinks of as feminine traits (sensitivity, softness, etc) and the adoration of masculine traits (self-sufficiency, stoicism, etc)," she said.
"It's about the shame and pain that men are taught to feel when they're not manly enough and how that leads them to lash out (mostly at women). It's about how the traits of masculinity can become toxic to both men and the people in their lives."
#3
I got made fun of for wearing lifesaving safety gear on job sites. There are people now who can't taste, smell, or hear properly because they were too stubborn to put on earplugs and safety glasses, since it's 'not manly' to protect yourself apparently.
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
Where does this kind of thinking come from? Being stupid is not cool.
J. F. 4 years ago
Probably from 80's action movies - Chuck, Arnold and Sylvester never seemed to care about protection
Load More Replies... MagicalUnicorn 4 years ago
that's hardcore stupidity, health should be more important thank what others think
Haunting Spirit 4 years ago
It's the same as the safety bars in ski lifts. Why is it not normal in the US to close them as it is in Europe etc?
aesthetic.baddie27 4 years ago
Not being safe should have nothing to do with being a man. JUST EVERYONE BE SAFE.
Dan Buczynski 4 years ago
Yes...I've been working through the pandemic with guys who outright refuse to wear a mask, let alone safety gear. I've known guys that had several bouts with skin cancer who refuse to wear sunblock for fear of being teased. (I even kept some spf 50 in the shop restroom so they could put it on in private, but no one ever uses it.) On and on and on.
Catlady6000 4 years ago
What I hate is "I'm not afraid to die, we all gotta go sometime." 1) why die any sooner than you have to and 2) what makes you think you'll just die?
Mark Kelly 4 years ago
We have to get past that. I work with an older guy and he says " We didn't wear that back in the day? That's probably why he has so many injuries and emphysema.
"So, I’m thinking about the way that when men experience a mental health crisis, they are less likely to reach out for help because it’s not considered manly to be overwhelmed by your emotions or circumstances," Dr. De Dauw said. "Eating disorders, steroid addiction, and body modification addiction have been on the rise amongst young men since the 1980s because with bodybuilding action heroes and superhero films, the culturally ideal body type for men has shifted."
In the UK, for example, 3 times as many men as women die by suicide.
#4
Getting sh*t on for not caring about sports. I'm sorry, I just don't want to spend my time watching people run around a field. And no, I don't want to play sports video games either.
Vorknkx 4 years ago
Same here. The only time I may show interest in sports is during Olympics, but that's pretty much it.
Bender Bending Rodríguez 4 years ago
Same with me and even then I just keep track of medals, nothing more.
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Lucas 4 years ago
There are some very strange 'standards' on this planet!
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Mushroom Garden 4 years ago
Yeah, me too. I've never liked sports. Never been any good at them. Never really understood them or saw the point. Sucks that people expect you to care though.
cybermerlin2000 4 years ago
I'm the same. Had the usual "You don't like sports! You must be gay!" until I snapped back "It's nice to see the morons being entertained by big muscular men running around with each other playing with their balls"
Bex Hallihan 4 years ago
"22 millionaires chasing a bag of wind around a field in their underwear". Guy Martin talking about football (soccer for you Merkins)
NMN 4 years ago
City I was born both male and female of all ages are expected to like football (soccer)... so annoying. I lied for years about my team, cos my parents accepted that I did not watch the matches as long I had at least a favorite team. Dad was upset when I stood my ground and said I don't like any
Ozacoter 4 years ago
My partner had people mocking him many times for not caring for sports. It is ridiculous that to be "a real man" you need to like x or y. In spain you also get a lot of s**t as a woman if you dont support the local team. You arent supposed to like football but you still are supposed to care if they win.
John C 4 years ago
Yes! Check out Moss's comment on the football game - "The IT Crowd" Season 3 Ep 2. You can find it on youtube "IT Crown Football Match". You will love it.
Marvin HeartofGold 4 years ago
Horray he's kicked the ball...now the ball's over there...that man has it now... That's exactly how I feel 😂
Load More Replies...De Dauw herself has experienced sexism. When she was doing her Ph.D., a fellow Ph.D. scholar referred to her as 'the one with the big b**bs' to another colleague. She has also had students make gender-based comments during teaching evaluations. She has even been harassed on the street.
But, the toxic masculinity that De Dauw has experienced in her life has mostly impacted men she has known who were unable to talk about their feelings or trauma and, due to this inability, hurt themselves, lashed out at her and the other women in their lives.
#5
My earliest memory of toxic masculinity was when I was on my first grade basketball team. We got to pick our jersey numbers. I chose 14 because it was my aunt's number, who was a D1 college player at the time. When I told them this, the coaches laughed at me. Apparently looking up to a non-male athlete was frowned upon, even though none of the coaches made it past high school.
troufaki13 4 years ago
What makes me furious is that THE COACHES laughed. They should be the ones promoting healthy role models!
AMaureen Dance 4 years ago
They could. But they're too busy telling 6 year olds t o be 'manly'
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Martin Kaine 4 years ago
And his aunt would have crushed any of those coaches in a one-to-one.
aesthetic.baddie27 4 years ago
Men can see whoever they want to see as powerful or inspirational!
Bonnie Harris 4 years ago
Those coaches are a big part of the problem and there are too many like them. Of course, mocking children doesn't stop them from abusing children.
At this point, De Dauw thinks it's hard to say whether or not we as a society have contained toxic masculinity. "Once you name a problem, it becomes more visible and you identify more instances of it," she said. "We're also living in an increasingly divided world, where a lot of people feel threatened when problems like this are identified and they feel the need to lash out to prevent our rapidly changing world from changing even more—and that also gives the impression that the problem is growing or getting worse."
"I think that, at the very least, we're identifying, thinking, and talking about things like toxic masculinity and that in and of itself is a good way forward," De Dauw explained.
#6
I got raped by an ex. Nearly everyone I've told starts by arguing the toss that it wasn't actually rape.
*insert funny name* 4 years ago
Thank god you broke up with her, she's a total A$$HOLE
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Bianca Du Toit 4 years ago
If a guy says no and a girl mounts him anyway and his body responds as it naturally would and he still says no and she keeps going, it's RAPE!!! As someone who has been raped, the greatest shame I felt was when my damn f*****g body responded as it normally would, even though my heart and mind wasn't on board!!
Full of Giggles 4 years ago (edited)
Years ago, I had a co-worker who was a registered sex offender, but was actually the victim. I personally did his background check so I know his story is legit. This is the condensed version so sorry if a few things don’t make sense. Story goes, his college roommate’s 15 year old sister drugged and took advantage of him [20]. Her brother comes home to find them both naked in the same bed. She decided to cry “rape.” She later admitted in court that she was never raped. The accusation was to cover up her crime. She also admitted to drugging and raping him. It’s on the official record that he was in fact raped. Why is that important? A week after my co-worker was exonerated, he was arrested again for statutory rape. Remember, she was 15 and he was 20. I can’t remember who filed the charges, but basically they said even though he was raped he still had sex with a minor and a crime of that nature cannot go unpunished. So, he went to jail for 6 years for being raped.
Christian Bradshaw 4 years ago
That is the most f****d up thing I HAVE EVER heard. HOW TF DID THAT GET PASSED??? HE DID NOT CHOOSE TO HAVE SEX WITH HER!!!
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Caleb Lumpkin 4 years ago
this is so sad and true. just because we are male means we cant be raped? we cant be assualted by women? its like the sh*t with johnny depp. women want equality right? thats fine. but s**t like this is ridiculous. it needs to change
Marina 4 years ago (edited)
I agree with you but what does the fact that women want equality have to do with the rest? a lot of people who don't believe men can be assaulted are also men and this imo is one of the worst aspects of toxic masculinity
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The Harry Potter person 4 years ago
Talk to different people! If your friends and family are like that, leave them. Trust me. It's worth it. Find people who support and believe you!
JennyBee 4 years ago
thank you...no one ever believes when people say it tho
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Bi Kirby 4 years ago (edited)
What the heck is wrong with them?! It doesn't matter the gender of whoever got - insert r word-, YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO FRICKIN TOSS THEM TO THE SIDE CUZ THEIR A FRICKIN MALE!? Imagine if you got physically hurt, went to somebody, and didn't care because of your gender?! It doesn't frickin matter, HELP THEM YOU IDIOTS
Because she thinks the reason toxic masculinity is so embedded is (in part) because of the media, a really hopeful thing for her is that we're seeing more and more push-back against toxic masculinity in media from various audiences. "We are seeing more diverse roles in media, and this includes more diverse ways for men to be men," De Dauw added.
"There are shows that have kind, loving and sensitive men and shows that deal with characters showing these toxic traits and growing past them, [including] Dipper from Gravity Falls when he moves past his crush on Wendy, Soka in Avatar: The Last Airbender when he learns to value women, Captain Picard in the recent Picard series, who has learned to be open and affectionate with the men in his life, and Joel from Santa Clarita Diet who is supportive of his wife and daughter."
#7
My favorite color is purple. I've tried to wear purple, and nope, too many dumbass comments.
Tiari 4 years ago (edited)
How sad. My boyfriend likes to wear pink and purple and nobody says anything and I am so happy for him.
That Spoony Bard 4 years ago
That's funny, because in the early 20th century, pink was considered a "manly color for young boys" until they assigned blue and pink for boys and girls' baby showers, respectively.
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Shelp 4 years ago
It was a very manly colour, back then, in Rome. More precisely, the colour of the knights and the nobility.
J. F. 4 years ago
Mostly because the paint was so rare that the common folk couldn't afford it. That was the case till 1903 it was first made artificialy
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Ruth Kilpatrick 4 years ago
A guy made a comment to my son about wearing colorful shirts to work so, he went out and bought even more colorful shirts...red, purple, pink, orange...
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
I grabbed my son a pair of pyjamas that were on the reduced rail in the supermarket. They were of gamer design. When I paid they came up as 'girls' nightwear'. We don't care because I've always taught both my son and my daughter to look for clothes 'on both sides of the aisle' (and the stories I could tell you of clothes that are on the boys' side one year and crop up the next year on the other side, or vice versa) but we did puzzle over what, in the binary world of gendered clothes, made them 'girls'. In the end we think it's because there are three splashes of colour on the front of the top, blue, green, and light purple. We think it's the light purple. And if this doesn't show how f*****g ridiculous gendering colour is, I don't know what will.
Laura Maeflower 4 years ago
Just a couple months ago I noticed the women's "nerd" shirts were all pink and Princess related and the boys were stuff I actually like, like Star Wars and Jurassic Park. It's so dumb to dictate which gender is supposed to like which thing. This stuff has been so frustrating to me, especially when I was a child made to feel like there was something wrong with me.
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N G 4 years ago
Purple is my favourite colour for shirts. Ignore any negative comments and wear what you want to.
Allen Lavine 4 years ago
Just tell them that prince wears purple you got something to say about prince
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
That is a gorgeous colour whether you are male or female. My dad had a shirt in a similar colour and it looked so nice on him. My hubby would never wear anything like that but he lives in plain black or blue t-shirts and board shorts or tracky dacks.
In Toxic Masculinity: Mapping the Monstrous in Our Heroes, De Dauw wrote that, "When we consider how popular culture and its stories give us a lens through which we can learn to emphasize with and love those different from us, it becomes clear that representation is a promising start, even if it cannot be the whole our strategy to increase equality."
"Another important step is that we need have these conversations with the men in our lives if it is possible and safe for us to do so," she added. "Encourage men to seek support in their communities, to go to therapy if necessary, to learn how to communicate, and to perform emotional labor–we need to consistently understand that there's no one right way to be a man."
#8
I always wear seatbelts in cars, but every so often, someone will scoff or poke fun that I put my seatbelt on when we share a cab or an Uber. I don't feel like smashing out my front teeth if the driver gets into a fender bender.
Matt Hollis 4 years ago
or killing the driver because you smash into the back of his head if you crash
Lucas 4 years ago
Don't all cars have head restraints these days? That's not me being funny - I have no idea! Still wear your seat belt because hitting the head restraint with your face isn't going to be a barrel of laughs either.
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Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
Isn’t it illegal to not wear seatbelts, even in a taxi or Uber?
Remi Flynne 4 years ago
But.. but.. flouting the law makes you tough!! Sarcasm engaged.
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Janet Sturgess 4 years ago
My sister will not remove the car from PARK position - UNLESS you have your seatbelt on!
Ozacoter 4 years ago
In my last job we were forced to use a van that didnt have seat belts. Apparently if you are a 'dirty emigrant' its ok if you die in a crash :(
Mary Peace 4 years ago
I presume you didn't have an accident, glad you are OK.
Load More Replies... Don't Look 4 years ago
I draw the line at safety and life preserving measures. F**k them and you take care of you. Literally life is at stake.
Lillukka79 4 years ago
My car won't move untill everybody is strapped in. If you don't wanna use a seatbelt, you can walk.
aesthetic.baddie27 4 years ago
Wtf are they like, "OMG HOW DARE YOU TRY TO PROTECT YOUR LIFE."
Memere 4 years ago
In the U.S., it is required by law that every person in the vehicle be buckled up. I buckle my seat belt before I start the car. And my car doesn't move an inch until everyone else is buckled up!
Spinaap 4 years ago
Same in most of Europe (I think all of it but I'm not sure) and New Zealand and loads of other countries ...
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In the academic world, the notion of a singular, perfectly-defined masculinity has been rejected since the late 1980s. Led by the sociologist Raewyn Connell, this school of thought positions gender as the product of relations and behaviors, rather than as a fixed set of identities and attributes.
In her work, Connell described multiple masculinities shaped by class, race, culture, sexuality, and other factors, often in competition with one another as to which can claim to be more authentic. In this view, the standards by which a "real man" is defined can vary dramatically across time and place.
Let's hope that some day theory will become practice too.
#9
About five years ago, I feel into a deep depression. I have been wrestling with the problem since I was a teen. I refused to see counselors for years until I snapped. As a man the expectations are to "hang tough". "Real men" don't need counseling was sort drilled into my head because it exhibited weakness. When I became suicidal, I had to leave my job and quite a few people insinuated I was weak. I sought treatment with the help of a psychologist and a counselor. That's when I realized the "manliness" garbage was toxic. I hate sports, cars and bullshit. I spend my time with my awesome wife not weekends with "the boys" ignoring my family. I haven't looked back since.
BlackestDawn 4 years ago
While you have shed your old "boys" I hope you have gotten some new friends that you can hang with, both with and without your wife.
Wandaluzt 4 years ago
Who are you talking to? The guy who posted this on Reddit not here?
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Lunar Bicycle 4 years ago
I’m just the worst beta ever! I love my wife, I love my dog and my cat, I don’t hesitate to express myself, and our best friends are the nicest gay married couple in the world. I suppose this is terribly unmanly of me, but what am I missing out on? What part of suppressing my emotions, or “manning up”, is going on give me a better life than giving and receiving love with those closest to me? I’m cuddling with my cat as I write this, but I suppose I should be out gay bashing or grabbing women’s asses to feel more fulfilled or make the world a better place?
Winx 4 years ago
I did not understand why male suicide rates were so high until I started understanding toxic masculinity. It's sad that so many men don't get the treatment they need because of public ridicule.
Koolkat 4 years ago
Well, male suicide rates are also higher, because men tend to chose more violent methods(I.e. using guns, knives, jumping off high places, etc.) than women. But the actual fact is that more women attempt suicide than men, they just are less successful, because they chose less violent methods like taking a bunch of pills(which is easier to save them from).
Load More Replies... aesthetic.baddie27 4 years ago
I hate this whole "be a man" crap. What does sports and cars have to do with being a man?
Lantana Howell 4 years ago
Doing "unmanly" things takes courage. And Man, you have it. I'll bet your wife thinks you are a helluva man. May God Bless you and your family.
Dreamwolf 4 years ago
I am a girl but I can answer your question: No. Men are humans.
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InfectedVoice 4 years ago (edited)
My best friend of over 30 yrs lost his battle with mental health in 2016, and I found him swinging from his attic hatch, It's real.
AzKhaleesi 4 years ago
It's exactly this that led to two divorces for me, I was willing to deal with my issues, and they weren't because they "weren't going to tell a stranger about their problems" blah blah blah, and they are STILL narcissistic, self destructing jerks. weird.
Ralph Burton 4 years ago
I hate sports, I like cars and I prefer to spend my time with my Wife, 54 years of my time, do what YOU want.
#10
Oh another one for me is when I grew my hair out. Most guys called me gay and that it looked girly. Yet, I was dating more women than ever during that time because a lot of the women I dated loved the hair. So I guess being straight is gay?
KombatBunni 4 years ago
Agreed! how else can you headbang without the long locks?
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Beth Arriaga 4 years ago
This reminds me of my son. Instead of sports in high school, he chose to do theatre. Eventually he became the president of the group. Once a bunch of my other son's friends - who all played baseball- were laughing at him and calling him gay. My other son stepped in to defend his brother. He said, 'how many girls are on the field with us? Because he's on stage and in the club with way more girls than you can imagine!' So very true.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Exactly. Same for ballet dancers. They are always considered gay but they are real players.
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Thomas E S Thomas 4 years ago
The word Gay, before it was stolen by perverts, meant "a blissful state, happiness." Songs and books carried the word Gay to indicate joy. One of my schoolteachers in the 90s had been named Gay. Another was named F***y (that one always made me laugh). At the end of the Flintstone's cartoon theme, "we'll have a gay old time," doesn't mean that Barney went home with Fred, and Betty didn't go home with Wilma.
Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 4 years ago (edited)
Long hair is cool man. Keep it and don't care what the naysayers say
#11
Being harassed by women multiple times and having it dismissed because I'm a man.
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
This pisses me off so much. If men harass women we hear all about it but when it is the other way round it gets ignored.
Ian Koch 4 years ago
there's actually a thing called men's day or something like that, just like women's day is a thing, but most people don't know about it.
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magnadar 4 years ago
I may earn hate for this, but as a man you have the right to protect yourself and others. If a woman is violent they loose their invincibility and you can push back. You wouldn't stand next to your girlfriend/sister/mother etc which gets beaten by other females and say "sorry, i'm not allowed to help you. Good luck"
Joey Marlin 4 years ago
Not going to get hate from me. If someone is being violent I might do all I can to walk away and take the peaceful route first but if that doesn't work then they've only themselves to blame if they get hurt while I defend myself or others.
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Sang Fe 4 years ago
I actually witnessed a female manager continuously try to get a guy to hook up with her after work with no f***s to give about his girlfriend or the fact that he just didn't want to. She eventually got him fired for refusing her by saying he was making threats against her, all bullshit.
Karen Lyon 4 years ago
I worked fast food quite a bit when I was in my late teens and early twenties. At one of those jobs, I had a shift supervisor who was a piece of work in many respects. One of the things that I heard she did was to harass one of the newer hires, a high school kid in his first job. Sweet guy, but very sheltered and shy as hell. She thought he was cute, and apparently wanted to jump his bones. That scenario was the furthest thing from his mind, but it didn't stop her from making inappropriate comments and grabbing him anytime he came near her. She terrified him to the point of tears, and he was afraid he'd get in trouble if he went to the manager. Thankfully, someone else did, he got reassigned to different shifts so they weren't together, and a reprimand got put in her file. Since then, I've never taken it for granted that only men harass women in the workplace.
InfectedVoice 4 years ago
At a family birthday party years ago one of my Auntie's friends really took a fancy to me and wouldn't leave me alone, she was like 50 and clearly drunk and at point tried to grab my d**k and I told my wife and she threw her drunk ass out, which was good because I would've done it otherwise and i wouldn't have been so gentle. That's the only time really but that one time was enough for me.
#12
Apparently guys are absolutely required to like any attention from a girl even if it's invasive as f**k or borderline rapey.
IcyRedWaffle 4 years ago
When people say to a male victim of rape that they should have "enjoyed it"
Joey Marlin 4 years ago
And that by responding to certain stimulus means that they did. 😣
Load More Replies... Mark Kelly 4 years ago
I've told people (mostly guys) I've refused sex from girls and they think I'm weird.
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
Even if he’s dedicated to another person, doesn’t like that gender, doesn’t find the girl attractive or just overall isn’t interested. So many women think they’re entitled to men liking them back.
Sean Keenan 4 years ago
my ex fiance went batshit at me because one day I didn't want to have sex with her because I was knackered from working 60 hour weeks while she stayed at home all day.
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago
Men's subjection to rape doesn't undermine a woman's subjection to rape, it's not an either/or
Load More Replies... #13
I work at a grocery store. I was ringing one day and one of the other register employees was giving this older gentleman a really hard time about wanting a bag to carry his stuff. She said something to the degree of “Come on! You should be able to carry that on your own; you’re a man. You’re supposed to be strong!” The dude had a cane with him. I’m not even sure if she realized what she was saying was demeaning and toxic. I turned around and gave her a WTF look. She didn’t last too long.
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
Doesn’t matter if he was young, old, had a cane or had no cane etc, you don’t just say that s**t.
Ian Koch 4 years ago
agreed. and if you DO say that shiz, you deserve to be fired and never get a new job.
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Ren Karlej 4 years ago
A bag doesn't make things lighter, it makes it more convenient. Anyone is likely to drop something from 6 or 7 items if they're merely clutched in your arms. What a fool of a person.
Christine M Quigley 4 years ago
My dad had to walk with a cane for almost 13 years due to an accident, plus his left shoe had to built up at least an inch due to length discrepancy. Yeah, he got a lot of crap.
aesthetic.baddie27 4 years ago
Women can be strong too, women can carry their own sh*t, right? How about women give it a try? Then once they see how hard it is, they'll stfu.
AMaureen Dance 4 years ago
If I want a bag, I want a bag. Does the store give the staff bonuses for how many bags they have left at the end of shift?
StrawberryParfait 4 years ago
Poor customer service. It isn't the business of a cashier to determine why a customer needs a bag. Give the man a bag.
InfectedVoice 4 years ago
I'm a big strong man and I still want a bag to carry my shopping, what the hell?
#14
Men in a group tend to sexualize any and all women
I hate that
Also growing up I got s**t for not knowing about cars, like cause I’m a dude I should have the knowledge of a mechanic
Wendillon 4 years ago
I mean...women in a group tend to sexualize men too. You can bet that if we're out for dinner and the waiter is attractive we'll be whispering about his butt.
Pheebs 4 years ago
I feel the car thing in reverse. I’m female, grew up in a car family, and even worked in a repair shop. Get lots of eye rolls when I tell guys what’s wrong with their car. And I am so SICK of salesmen showing me the “great mirror in the visor to check your makeup.” I also drive a full size pickup. The number of times I’ve had comments about my husband “letting me take his truck out” is insulting.
Dan Buczynski 4 years ago
I've always liked small cars. I drove classic and new beetles and constantly got asked if it was my girlfriend's car. Now I drive a Honda Fit in the land of huge-ass SUVs and trucks. Whatever. Function, baby. All day.
Philly Bob Squires 4 years ago
I was never even 50% into sports or cars... I spent too much time with my record collection.
Stella 4 years ago (edited)
Yeah, but with men it's much more expected, common, graphic, sexual and/or threatening. The worst thing I've heard women in my environment say about guys is that they're cute or hot. Meanwhile, my supposed guy friends ranked the girls in class with how "shagable" they are, and they weren't sure where to place me cause they couldn't estimate the size my boobs through my sweaters. I'm sure there are women who talk about a guy's bulge, but that's nowhere near as normalised or widespread.
Load More Replies... Lunar Bicycle 4 years ago
The damn car thing. A bunch of guys I worked with were talking about their dream cars, and they were either quarter million dollars sports cars or decked out trucks. That’s fine. But when they asked me about mine and I responded that I only wanted something like a Subaru Outback or maybe a small pickup, they literally couldn’t comprehend what I was saying. “No, like your D R E A M car.” “I get it. A reliable hatchback is my dream car.” They turned their backs on me like I was defective.
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
That’s not toxic masculinity. They were trying to ask you what you’d buy if money was no object and you could live a rich persons fantasy, and you acted like you didn’t get it and refused to participate. Subarus are cool cars but that wasn’t really the point of the convo.
Load More Replies... Mark Kelly 4 years ago
I'm a guy but 5"6 and very lean but fix cars and do labour and people assume I have to look burly and gruff.
Satya Bain 4 years ago
Growing up with on older and younger brother, I was the one helping Dad change the tire on the family car. I knew what a crescent wrench is long before they did. But they are not any less of a man for it. They just had different interests then.
Mark Kelly 4 years ago
Well, it is ironic my friend who does welding and all that doesn't know how to put on windshield wipers. Yes, I did show him. I know cars very well.
#15
I am currently in therapy to unlearn all the toxic behaviours I learned growing up. I learned in my 30s that feelings aren't a burden to be suppressed and ignored.
troufaki13 4 years ago
So if men have feelings they're gay but if they don't they're insensitive? Did I get it right?
Ren Karlej 4 years ago
Weird that people associate gay with being softer in some way or more in touch with their feelings. I've known some very tough, not very sensitive gay people and vice versa. It's almost as it that's about personality and upbringing and nothing to do with sexual preference! Who knew eh?
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aesthetic.baddie27 4 years ago
Men need to be able to share their feelings. They shouldn't feel pressured to keep it all inside.
Lantana Howell 4 years ago
I am single mom with 2 teenagers. My 16 yr old son goes to therapy and I am proud that he does. He is a late bloomer with puberty, is skinny and loves helping the homeless. I tell him " no means no" and "stop means stop" but I also tell him that real men in my book should be able to cry, love etc.
#16
I remember in high school (I went to an all-boys school), I would go to watch my older sister play hockey, and I’d get made fun of. I never understood what the problem with going to watch a women’s hockey game was, especially one where my older sister was playing.
Martin Kaine 4 years ago
Uhhhh....easy: they're jealous they don't have a sister as bad ass as yours.
Mary Peace 4 years ago
I'm really glad you did go and support your sister, wonder what would have happened if roles were reversed and she went to watch you play.
Philly Bob Squires 4 years ago
I actually like to watch women play hockey and basketball more so than men. Women's olympic ice & figure skating is mesmerizing to watch. Makes me totally gay! (/s)
Kim Irving 4 years ago
If you've ever actually watched women's hockey you'd be shocked! Women's hockey is much more technical than men's, they don't allowed much body contact, so they have to use their heads to make plays, also it's much faster, women's main source of strength is in their lower bodies, makes for stronger legs. If you really want to watch a good game watch women's Olympic hockey, it's unreal.
General kenobi 4 years ago
I love watching ,my younger sister play hockey, in fact i was one of the firs ones to teach her how to play!
#17
My old roommate was the definition of toxic masculinity. He told his parents the other night that all other guys who go to the gym are 'betas,' while he is a 'biological alpha' and then proceeded to make fun of out-of-shape people at the gym.
elStiJneriNO 4 years ago
hahahaha an aplha talking with mommie and daddie about how great he is.
Ian Koch 4 years ago
Speaking of mommy and daddy, I have my own toxic masculinity story. 3rd or 4th grade, the start of the school day, just got off the bus. I say something that includes the word mommy. and two kids my age say reply with something along the lines of "boys just say mom or dad, not mommy and daddy" and that sucked. I ignored them, but I will always remember those arseholes.
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Shelp 4 years ago
Males who qualify themselves as "alphas" are most likely "betas", if not even "gammas"
NMN 4 years ago
In sexual selection, alpha, beta and gamma male strategies do exist. The first two are indeed present in human relations. The problem is that ppl don't know what they mean. In a simplified not very accurate, but easier to picture, beta would be a "husband material" while alpha has more resources but low fidelity. If that guy has money, but is a cheater, yep he can very well be an alpha. Btw, gamma pretends to be female or at least non sexual to go past the others and copulate with the females, so no, he is not a gamma either
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NMN 4 years ago
In sexual selection, alpha, beta and gamma male strategies do exist. The first two are indeed present in human relations. The problem is that ppl don't know what they mean. In a simplified not very accurate, but easier to picture, beta would be a "husband material" while alpha has more resources but low fidelity.
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Donkey boi 4 years ago (edited)
"Alpha's" are the way they are because they are not alphas, they are compensating for their severely lacking, well... Everything! If you need to say your an alpha, you are NOT an alpha!
NMN 4 years ago
Alphas have high resources but lower fidelity, it is quite common among humans and yes, he can be an alpha (not that it is a good thing in our society)
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#18
Lost power during a cold (and wet) spell pre-covid. As the building management guy who also lived in the building, I was tasked to stay on-site for the entire 10 days to coordinate repair efforts while the rest of the residents left for hotels/relatives' places. On the 7th day, I also got food poisoning and spent the day expelling from both ends while taking time in between to meet with contractors. The then girlfriend came home later that evening to see me pale, dehydrated, shivering, and exhausted in bed wearing all of my snow clothes. She asked how I was, I said "rough" and she went on to say how her day was so much worse because of some office drama. After her rant she asked why I didn't go make myself some tea as if I was stupid enough to not consider it.
She was a self-proclaimed feminist but was always blind to my needs.
Chris Jones 4 years ago
Yep, sounds like he was with a different kind of 'ist' - probably a narcissist.
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Tomek Sztuk 4 years ago (edited)
There are real feminists who struggle for equality, and there are 'feminists' who use this term as a blanket for 'I demand all possible privileges and put zero effort the other way', met both kinds. First is amazing, second should be killed with fire 😜
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
That's nothing to do with feminism or toxic masculinity. This is just a bad relationship. I hope it is no longer a relationship at all.
That Spoony Bard 4 years ago
The toxic masculinity is about her expecting him to "man up" when he's having to stay in poor living conditions for work and feverish and sick. He had needs but they were dismissed because "he's a man and should know better".
Load More Replies... Ozacoter 4 years ago
My partner does the same. Everytime that I say that I feel worse than usual (I am always sick) he replies with 'I have a headache' or 'I am tired too'. Sorry dude. You are healthy enough to walk and work the whole day. I cannot walk 30min a day without two days of intense pain afterwards. Its not the same.
Curry on... 4 years ago
This >>> "then girlfriend." Glad you got rid of her, and I hope you found someone with a heart.
#19
My mother in law told me to stop whining and "man up", we were new parents and I was working nights. The only thing I said was that I was "tired". It's stuff like that. I'm actually clinically depressed, but I never talk about it because I'm 6'3" and masculine so I'm not allowed to feel sad or tired.
Chris Jones 4 years ago
I'd say get their partner to have a word first. They need to have my back and not put their parent over me. If they are too scared, fine. I'll happily do it then.
Load More Replies... aesthetic.baddie27 4 years ago
Why tf is "manning up" a phrase? Men don't always have to be strong, they can cry and they can talk about their feelings!
Bama Belle 4 years ago
My grandmother felt this way about all young people, male AND female. She felt that if you were young you should never get tired or overwhelmed.
Lynn Morello 4 years ago
Give me a big hug, cry if you want to, I will listen, we can talk, we can just hang. This should be your best mate. If he can't say that and support you, then he is not your mate.
Christian Hilton 4 years ago
I wrote this, docs.google.com/document/d/1zcdL9VWmRca_jzH6hMw3UVAJItCWFLYTQX8CYGg4HH4/edit?usp=sharing ...there's no escpaing the characters could exist without the supernatural event that transpires and that they would encounter each other and exchange words. Question is, when it comes to that moment, if you're observing an exchange between any two people, particularly as parents, why's there a line drawn about who they are & what they should say; more pertinently how far into their development would a person think it's okay to go and veto information & thoughts in their minds where literally anything can happen and only by virtue of delimiting how a young mind is able to experience the world are there real [developmental] steps forward. It's truly sick that someone thinks it comes down to a F/M posture & lives by judging it. Not even pedigrees succeed in this context, they're just steered artistically to the realisation of a trait some third party pursues on their behalf.
Caleb Lumpkin 4 years ago
dude i feel your pain. im 6'3, 15 years old, and a built dude. because of that everyone thinks i cant have pain or exhuastion or depression anything its bull
#20
For being straight but exclusively using the gay trainers on Peloton. They are more fun and have better music, sorry not sorry.
Chris Jones 4 years ago
They just happen to have good (or the same) taste and be gay, could just as easily have awful taste in music.
Luna Lovegood 4 years ago
Good. Fun when working out is important. Otherwise, it's absolute HELL. I have wanted to DIE because of how f****n boring some workouts are. I need light! I need COLOUR! I need FUN!!
Lynn Morello 4 years ago
At least I can feel more comfortable with being around Gay Men that I can being around Straight men.
Batwench 4 years ago
How do you know that they are sexually interested in the same sex? Is it something they say like the way some vegans bash on about their diet?
Mewton’s Third Paw 4 years ago
Omnivores bash on way more about vegans than anyone else. So yeah it’s kind of like that.
Load More Replies... #21
Mainly how boys are raised to disregard pain and view emotions as a nuisance to be avoided and stifled. It’s helpful for getting things done but not so good for being mentally healthy.
Caleb Lumpkin 4 years ago
nope. if anything it more masculine i think. women like that crap. they want a dude that has no emotion. what kinda man is that? what kinda husband is That?
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Lynne Harbison 4 years ago
A family member being told by his father to "man up", and men don't cry. He was 5 and having an asthma attack. 😡😡😡
Leslie Burleson 4 years ago
They do this to girls now too. My daughter was a competitive athlete , and that was exactly how they were treated. You weren't allowed to be sick or you couldn't compete. Girls had a throw up bucket off the side of the mat , and would practice and puke in the bucket occasionally. I never understood how parents were ok with this. It starts young too . My daughter broke her hip at practice , and when she came back to practice they had her lifting weights with her arms , and doing sit ups . I put a stop to it. We would've left a lot sooner than we did if she hadn't loved it so much
Jane Alexander 4 years ago
Girls, women had to 'up ' too back in the day. No whiniing, no snowflaking, We put up and shut up. there's a balance to be reached, but just now we're on the far side of sensitivity. The extent to which a thing affects you is largely the extent to which you allow it to affect you.
Karen Lyon 4 years ago
I'm so glad my brothers weren't raised to be that way. Nor did they raise their sons to be that way either.
Fred Burrows 4 years ago
Well some fellas take it to the extreme in either direction . I've seen folks finish a shift with broken fingers taped together and others run to the E.R. for a single stitch .
Mary Peace 4 years ago
They used to say "Boys don't cry", when I was at school. I used to fall over in the playground and bawl my eyes out, why shouldn't a boy do the same?
#22
When I told someone I was a chef, they told me that career path was for women.
Shelp 4 years ago
Well, how different cultures can be!... Here, in France, a woman would be frowned upon if she wanted to be a chef, because it's a men thing. (From the point of view of someone sexist, of course)
Ian Koch 4 years ago
I have my own response to this post (not the comment) HOW MANY MALES HAVE YOU SEEN ON COOKING COMPETITIONS, DOOFUS.
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Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago (edited)
Hang on, but most of the famous and top chefs in the world are in fact men.
Matt Hollis 4 years ago
Thats odd because its mostly a guys in the kitchen from my personal experience
#23
I was expected to be able to chug alcohol and just keep on going. I just can't. I have a low threshold. I can't have like five shots of tequila and go about my business. I'll be a mess.
James016 4 years ago
I got a lot of grief for going tee total. Oddly enough the people who gave me grief could not give me any reasoning behind what they were saying to me.
Jon S. 4 years ago
When I gave up alcohol I found people seemed genuinely offended, like I was implicitly passing a judgement on their way of life.
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Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
We have a big drinking culture in Australia and I get shocked expressions when I tell them I don’t drink.
Martin Kaine 4 years ago
Same here. The best (most positive) story about that was when I was the Designated Driver for my own bachelor party. The guys in the back, eight sheets to the wind, were all saying "Yhou're the besht, Martinnnnnn!!!!"
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Barbara Vandewalle 4 years ago
Know your limit, don't let anyone bully you. Girls do the same to girls. It is not a gender thing. It is a bulling thing .
Mary Peace 4 years ago
Well done for making a stand. I used to drink (tho not a lot) until I found I enjoyed myself just as much without it, so I stopped.
Matt Richardson 4 years ago
I never touch the stuff. I've never seen any good come out of a bottle. It wrecked my family and addiction runs strong in the bloodline.
Lynn Morello 4 years ago
What was it someone wrote a while back... People who try to drown their problems with alcohol should remember the following: Your problems are better swimmers than you can drink
InfectedVoice 4 years ago
Here it's just part of the culture and I just think it's more people want you to join in and be on the same level as everyone else not so much a toxic thing, more a social thing, plenty of girls do it too.
#24
My dad. He's never been wrong about a god damn thing in his life. The solution to a problem he picks is the only solution. Examples include: lighting fires under our water pipes to thaw them out in cold weather for hours to fix a blockage, setting our house on fire at one point, when it turned out the block was at an elbow that was easily broken loose once mom found it. Another is his insistence on gluing s**t together with silicone to 'fix' vehicles. If I have a bad day, I clearly need a higher dose of antidepressants, as I'm a man and I'm not allowed to have negative emotions. Launching a piece of plastic into my eye breaking open the box of our water valve and it's my fault because I was 'sticking my face in it' If the man decided he was gonna headbutt his way through a brick wall, he wouldn't stop until his skull broke. He's ridiculous.
Elizabeth Molloy 4 years ago
You need to stand together as a family and get him out of your life. My mother FINALLY divorced my father when I was 12, and I still suffer from the effects of his toxic behaviour at 51.
AzKhaleesi 4 years ago
Sweetie, don't take this the wrong way but if you're still "suffering from the effects of his toxic behaviour at 51" this part is on you. You need to go see a therapist or some kind of alternate help to get rid of that, it's not you or your mom's fault or anyone else's for what your father did. You can and will be ok. (again please don't take it as snobby not how it's intended) I hope you feel better soon.
Load More Replies... Ozacoter 4 years ago
My father is the same. He needs to be right, no matter what. And if somebody contradicts him he yells and insults like a spoiled kids. I talked about this once here but its the biggest example that I got. Our dog got really sick when I was about 15yo. My father decided that the poor animal was fine despite him being shaking from the pain. We had a huge fight because I wanted to take him to the vet and of course he wouldnt let me because that would mean admitting that he was wrong so he forbade it. At the end I took my money and left with the dog to the vet. My father followed us and grabbed me really hard trying to pull me home but I left my jacket there and kept walking. It turns out that the dog ate something poisonous and could have died. For years I kept hearing how bad I was for "escaping". I hate that man. And resent my mother for never intervening and side with us.
N G 4 years ago
Oh god, the "fixing things with silicone" approach. Hubby's ex-stepfather did that to our house: the wonky bannister handrail, the kitchen cupboard handles, the fireplace. He tried to fix a botched up drilled hole that he'd done to wall-mount our (brand-new and quite expensive) TV with silicone and tries to swap out the screws for said wall-mount with 0.5" ones from his toolbox because "those long ones will be useful elsewhere". It was OUR DAMNED HOUSE. I was so relieved when MIL divorced him less than a year later. (Hubby fully prevented him from doing anything to damage the TV, but the holes in the walls and cupboards took some fixing)
LesAnimaux 4 years ago
This is classic narcissist behavior. Please look into it and take care of yourself.
M Kate McCulloch 4 years ago
If you are old enough to GTFAway from him, I recommend doing so. He has done his job and gotten you to adulthood - his opinion is now inert. It's what I had to do with my mom. NO regrets...
#25
After the final exam, my classmates and I went to a nearby bar to drink our pains away. I ordered a lime Margarita and was mocked by both the males and females that it was a girly drink. Same thing when I ordered a long Island afterwards. (I've now moved to cosmopolitans, since three or four can get me happy drunk, and tastes awesome!)
ADHORTATOR 4 years ago (edited)
is a Planters Punch a girly drink? I don't care actually, I will still order one :-)
Steve Dowell 4 years ago
A Long Island Ice Tea is literally a Tom Collins glass fun of liquor. It's essentially 16 ounces, or 12 shots of straight liquor. I drank them all the time in college, and the only time a person made fun of me, the bar tender overheard and put that ass in his place.
JitkaBlitka 4 years ago (edited)
one of my friends got mocked because he ordered latte. Apparently real men drink black coffee spiced with beef jerky or some other BS
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
There is a new ad by Heineken where women get served cocktails and men are given beers but then they swap. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dD6r53DWxwk
Marina 4 years ago
I've also seen a nice ad for a beer company but I couldn't find the video when I looked for it. I think it was Stella Artois, and it was an illustration of women meeting for a chat and a beer <3
Load More Replies... Richard Henderson 4 years ago
Who TF calls a Long Island Ice Tea and “girly drink”? It’s got five different liquors in it! Also nothing wrong with Margaritas. I’m surprised the Cosmo didn’t get the same response though.
Marina 4 years ago
it would have probably have got the same response as the margaritas. yes, it's stupid
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John Montgomery 4 years ago
"Girly" drinks are always the ones I like better. I've yet to try a beer I actually liked. Daiquiris are awesome.
Ozacoter 4 years ago
Or even worse, not drinking alcohol. My partner gets so much sit because of it.
Load More Replies... #26
"Cooking is the woman's job" said to me when I told them I like to cook
Elizabeth Molloy 4 years ago
America is a backwards country. No-one anywhere else has said this since the 1960s.
zims 4 years ago
Uhhh no? Sexism is everywhere, and there are plenty of countries where women are expected to do all the cooking.
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Dirk Daring 4 years ago
A man who can't feed himself probably isn't worth a damn for anything else.
Teresa Thomas 4 years ago
Ohmygoddd please let me find a man who enjoys cooking because I loathe it. Worst part of my day is making dinner
Philly Bob Squires 4 years ago
I love to cook... I love to eat so why the hell not? Go for it with all speed!
aesthetic.baddie27 4 years ago
Just because women tend to cook more for their families, does NOT mean it's a woman's job.
Don't Look 4 years ago
I'm trying not to laugh at the cooking ones right now because not only do I not like to cook, all the best chefs out there are guys!
Cactus McCoy 4 years ago (edited)
As is doing the dishes and laundry. How do these people even survive on their own? Reminds me of the ad Jason Momoa did. :)
Lynn Morello 4 years ago
I detest cooking and only cook when I have to. My husband loves cooking, Between the two of us, we take turns with the cooking, laundry, ironing, housecleaning. the only things I won't touch are the Bee Hives. They are all his.
#27
I grew up in a cowboy town. I saw a guy fall off his horse and break his leg. He refused to be helped off and insisted in getting back on his horse and riding out. There was an ambulance right there.
Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 4 years ago
Pride makes people a little silly in the head sometimes, but as much as that's true, having pride is good quality to have.
Load More Replies... Mangelo Il Fumatori 4 years ago
I wonder if the horse took that cowboy out behind the shed and shot him later.
infinite upvote 4 years ago
Maybe he didn't have insurance. I've been severely injured and sent the ambulance away. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
infinite upvote 4 years ago
I mean it's def dangerous, don't get me wrong
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#28
For not smoking, drinking or doing drugs.
Martin Kaine 4 years ago
Amen to that. It even makes one's own family uncomfortable, which is a shame.
Load More Replies... InfectedVoice 4 years ago
Teenage peer pressure is normal but if this carries on into adulthood your friends are d***s.
Luna Lovegood 4 years ago
BRUH. DRUGS. ARE. BULLSHIT. PEOPLE NEED TO BACK OFF DRUGS F*****G KILL PEOPLE
Mary Peace 4 years ago
Luna you are absolutely right, but why are you shouting and swearing at us?
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Dainius Valiūnas 4 years ago (edited)
Had this back in school. Pretty much "don't be a pussy and have a smoke". Basically told them to either back off or I will shove that cigarette up your ass. Never bothered me again. Same stuff with drinking alcohol... It just never gets old. You are not a man if you don't drink or smoke...
Matt Richardson 4 years ago
Occasionally I get this, but more and more people are ere envious.
Fred Burrows 4 years ago
As long as you fight folks that look at you funny , The rest don't matter .
Lynn Morello 4 years ago
I started smoking when I was 15, I quit when I was 32, It took me 3 years to get rid of the cravings. Anyone who goes through that in my books is a fantastic person.
Mark Kelly 4 years ago (edited)
That's me. Sometimes I feel like the odd person out. I do drink a bit though .
Samtheperson 4 years ago (edited)
You’ll get the last laugh when they’re dying of alcohol poisoning, lung cancer and a cocaine overdose
#29
Almost everyone I know has at some point ridiculed or bullied me because I don't like or want a car.
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago (edited)
I’m curious if my brother deals with the same thing. He has no desire to learn to drive or get a car. He is happy walking or catching public transport. he feels that a car is too much of a financial burden and would rather spend his money on other things.
Remi Flynne 4 years ago
Common in cities, large towns not to drive regardless of your sex. Though I will admit that the friends/family I have who don't want to learn to drive can, at times, be an issue when it comes to constantly asking for lifts. These people don't rely on public transport they rely on goodwill. I don't mind helping but I go miles out of my way and barely get thanked. One claims they don't want to learn to help the environment - not sure how that works when I've done a 10 mile loop to pick him up.
Mark Kelly 4 years ago
I love my car and having a car. Luckily I know how to fix them and get cheap parts.
Theodor Šik 4 years ago
This is so me... I have three traumas connected do cars and driving from my early childhood and pre teen years, and I am just extremly stressed from an idea of driving... In my nightmares ever since I was a kid I sit in a car that is going and I hav eno way to stop it. 90% of people arround me, especialy my family, just can't accept it. They simpy, ignore my anxiety and keep on poking me to make the drivers license....
Lynn Morello 4 years ago
Considering the Rego is about $800 a year, Insurance is about $500 a year, Maintenance goes between $250 and $1800, depending on what needs replacing, and Fuel and tyres. Public transport is a lot cheaper, and a lot better if you are single.
jimmy pop 4 years ago
This is a typical US thing. A lot of people neither have nor want a car in Europe (including me) and nobody cares. On the contrary, it's positive for the environment.
Theodor Šik 4 years ago
Well, my family does care, and lets me know constantly they want me to drive... I just can't....
Load More Replies... Mark Kelly 4 years ago
I love cars but they are convenient and I also get cheap pas and can work on my own car.
InfectedVoice 4 years ago (edited)
I didn't get a car until 25/26, I only did because of work, I love walking and cycling and taking the dogs out, cars suck, I WFH now and live in the city so it's easier, I get for some people a car is a necessity.
#30
People trying to use their size to intimidate or invalidate you.
magnadar 4 years ago
I remember some trashy scene on MTV, where a big, muscular man (i guess it was a wrestler) took off his shirt and flexed in front of the police desk. They said something like "oh, we now see you're a good man. We are now looking much better for your missing wife than before you took off your shirt. Let me call the mayor so he can raise more people to look for her." I didn't understand back then and still don't.
aesthetic.baddie27 4 years ago
What does size have to do with being a man? Sure, you might have big muscles, but your heart should be bigger.
InfectedVoice 4 years ago
I hate bullies with a passion, and will happily use my 6'3 240lb big lump of a body to stand up for anyone being bullied, anyone!
David Retsler 4 years ago
It's always hilarious to have some bonehead do that and then ask them "Do you lift? You kinda look like you do." Kills them in an instant.
Caleb Lumpkin 4 years ago
as bad as this is i deal with this a lot. everyone is like dude your so tall and big i bet you could kick anyones ass. i dont like fighting. its not fun. id rather talk it out. size is a bunch of bull. by dad thinks that just because he is bigger than me that im scared of him or im worried about him. idc about him. i love him but no. i am not not scared of anyone. size dont mean s**t to me
Ozacoter 4 years ago
How arrogant are people from usa that they seem to think that their is the only country ever?
Load More Replies... #31
People would make fun of me for watching certain movies or listening to certain songs, where a woman was singing. It got to a point where I was so self-conscious.
OpalTheRainwing 4 years ago
For me I get self conscious when I listen to Fnaf music is I’m scared they will make fun of me cuz it’s a “ scary game for boys “
PurpleDoople 3 years ago
but fnaf music is such a bop! Ignore the haters bro
Load More Replies... #32
I had a picture of my brother and me in my Profile picture with our arms over each other’s shoulders. As a male nurse, some people think you’re gay already but one of my coworkers was sure that having my brother in my profile picture meant that I was gay.
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
Um, okay. I mean it's a stupid definition of gay, but do you care if they think you're gay?
Laura Maeflower 4 years ago
I think it's more about the fact that a man can't show physical affection to another man unless it's romantic/sexual. Girls can hug and even cuddle without people assuming they're attracted to one another.
Load More Replies... #33
My father felt the need to “pass on” knowledge he learned from his father, unfortunately it was abuse, emotional in my case
Jessica Nametz 4 years ago
Sadly, this can be a toxic circle that people don't even know they are in. It takes a strong individual to recognize the pattern and break free from it.
#34
Every guy is told 'to man up' at some point. I still don’t know what 'manning up' is.
Shelp 4 years ago
Wake up to patriotic songs, start your day with two hours of sport, then proceed to drink half a bottle of whisky for breakfast. You can now vroom your car around until noon, and then eat 2kg of beef for lunch. After that, you'll have to play football with your mates, and once you're done, you can invite them over to watch lesbian porn, or to the strip club. Don't forget to drink a lot of beer! If you've drunk too much of it, you can pee proudly in the middle of the street. Go to sleep at 4AM and get some rest until a new great day begins.
LesAnimaux 4 years ago
Don't cry, don't show any sign of being sensitive. That's 'manning up' and it's dangerous.
InfectedVoice 4 years ago
Clench your fist, puff your chest out and shake your head, go on shake all of those emotions out and you'll be fine in a minute, chin up and carry on. Manning up has always given me that sort of image.
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
I think it involves punching anything that isn't immediately under your control?
#35
I grew up in a culture with a lot of toxic masculinity, so it's not easy to get rid of these ideas, like that I am not allowed to be sensitive and submissive to my wife, which I am.
InfectedVoice 4 years ago
When you let her peg you, you will feel freedom like you never have before my friend.
#36
I guess mine isnt so bad but its the constant feeling of not being "man" enough because I dont like sports, cars and because I am not handy at all. I know gender is a social contrust but to always feel like I am "too much of a girl" to be a real man has always affected me. Also that I am not allowed to be sensitive and submissive. LIke I dont like to take charge in my relationship. My wife is more dominant than me and I love that but it also makes me feel bad because I constantly hear and see that I should be "the man"! I should be the one who makes the big decisions and etc. And because I dont my wife wont really desire me. I grew up in a culture with a lot of toxic masculinity so its not easy to get rid of these ideas.
InfectedVoice 4 years ago
My wife is not so much dominant but knows what she wants and will get it done, I'm very chilled and 'ahh do it tomorrow' so between the two of us, it works. I'm chilled but not lazy, I think that's the key.
Son of Philosoraptor 4 years ago
My wife is a Viking (legit; DNA tested) and I'm a Buddhist. It's fine to have a more pushy partner, nothing gets done if both are too laid back. I can't repair a car, I don't like sports. Been in martial arts for 40 years now... I also target shoot guns and do archery. But because I can talk about fashion with some sense and yes I love a good man-bag or watch, and I'm not afraid to talk feelings, my friends call me a lesbian in a man's body. Like, even my lesbian friends! I don't care really but it's a good example.
#37
I was labelled gay for years because I would always turn up to parties with a taxi full of girls. Usually left with them too but somehow that made all those guys scared of me
Bama Belle 4 years ago
High school, early 90's. The bad boys in class started to tease a guy (Chris) who always hung out with girls. (He wasn't gay. He was free holiness, so were the girls. That's why he was always with them.) Our teacher says to the ringleader, "John, look at what you surround your self with. Now, look at what Chris surrounds himself with!". The entire class applauded.
#38
Gay rugby player, apparently only played to touch the guys... f*** that you old fat f***er with a 48inch waist, no I don’t want to touch your micro penis. Oh and here’s a hand off to the face!
Remi Flynne 4 years ago (edited)
If they wanted to pick a sport to touch up the guys surely they'd pick something with even more contact, like wrestling! What a daft notion. Edited to correct a typo!
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
This shows how often males with an appalling attitude to women translate that to being how gay men view them. If they see women as objects and prey, then surely gay men must see them as objects and prey. This is why some homophobia is genuinely a type of fear, but born out of a deep misogyny.
#39
A girl threw herself at me when I was 14, and I turned her down.
Healthy reaction: I don't really know her, she's my sister's best friend, and I'm just not ready.
Toxic male inspired reaction: Why didn't I just f**k her? What's wrong with me? Am I gay?
Chris Jones 4 years ago
Is one of them 'why are some people so stupid that they think turning a person down makes them gay?'
Load More Replies... Bama Belle 4 years ago
I'm female and I was warned I'd be thought of as gay if I didn't start accepting all the boys' offers.
Yoga Kitty 4 years ago
Nothing wrong with you, you just used something that is called "free will" - maybe some of the others should try it one day if they even find the time - it must be really stressful having to sleep with each and every female they meet no matter if they like her or not...
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
Be assured, in the real world a *lot* of men have turned the opportunity to have sex with a woman because they didn't want to, didn't fancy her, weren't up for it that time, etc etc. I know this because men told me, but I doubt they told other men.
#40
Back when I was in high school, I wasn't beat up for being gay, I was "gay" because I was constantly getting beat up. Also, I was closer to bi, but with experiences like that behind me, it was simpler to be "straight."
Anarchy (they/them) 4 years ago
I'm so sorry, I hope you manage to find and stay true to yourself. You are always enough
#41
I was constantly called gay in middle school and high school because I was single, had good hygiene habits, and was generally respectful towards women.
Doggo Froggo 4 years ago
Sssooooo..... not to be gay is to be sexist and disrespectful, filthy and with someone/ multiple people????
StrawberryParfait 4 years ago
The good hygiene habits, rarer than hen's teeth these days. So many men these days not wiping their butts, leaving skidmarks on the sheets. The stories I have heard, good lawd. Good hygiene is a real draw to the ladies, so keep sweet and scrub well in the shower, fellahs. It goes a long way. You're welcome.
#42
Was at the weight room at high school and all the jocks saw me and they were making fun of me for trying to lift since I was a big boy back then. When I say they were jocks, I mean muscles, tall, and hard-core abs. When I went to lift they kept on saying they couldn't believe I was actually attempting to lift. I set the high school record of lifting 285lbs. Doing 2 sets of 10 reps.
InfectedVoice 4 years ago
Go on mate, show those morons, they will probably be working at the local burger joint for the next 20 years anyway.
#43
Decorating my home I’m a single guy. I enjoy having a really nice looking place to live in. I carefully choose things for my home. I get the occasional remark about it. I don’t let it bother me but hey.
Bama Belle 4 years ago
Good for you. My gay brother says he didn't get the 'gay decorating gene'. He can style women's hair like a m**o, though.
#44
The coach of our varsity football team was also my biology teacher. When I was 15 and he was a giant of a man, he attacked me and beat me up in the middle of class but because of his position as coach of the football team, all he got was a slap on the wrist. And I got a year of bullying by the entire football team until I moved away a year later.
Judes 4 years ago
Hell breaking lose is what SHOULD happen whether the victim is a boy or a girl.
Load More Replies... Remi Flynne 4 years ago
Why do these coaches have so much power? We don't really have the equivalent in the UK. Any teacher thumping any child should be reported to the police regardless of the subject they teach.
Caleb Lumpkin 4 years ago
i would kick his ass with a baseball bat. see if he did that to anyone else. that is just wrong
I want cake 4 years ago
Honestly, if that happened in my country that man would have been banned from teaching for life. At my school a teacher was fired on the spot for locking the classroom door and leaving the room. She was only gone for 20 minutes or so, but if a fire had broken out or something else had happened, these students would have been trapped. A teacher beating up a student would have been national news.
#45
My dad would constantly tease me for having a baby doll and for watching My Little Pony. He's really awesome, he just never realized that what he thought of as joking and teasing was actually really hurtful. In Elementary school, I was made fun of for being weird by a lot of people, and the rest of the people were only nice to me when they needed help with homework. I cried a few times, and was told to man up and deal with it. Again, the teacher who said it was a really great person, he just didn't realize how negative those words were. So I haven't experienced it much, but when I did, it came from people I looked up to, and who were some of my biggest supporters, which made it hurt a lot more than it would otherwise.
Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
I was at the shops one day and there was a woman at the checkout with two boys. They both had a ball each and the youngest had a pink my little pony ball. He put it on the checkout ready to be scanned when the woman picked it up and said you can’t have this, I am not buying you a pink ball. We will come back again another day and you can choose a different one. He was so upset and started crying but that didn’t matter to the woman coz it was still pink.
Elizabeth Molloy 4 years ago
Really great people don't mock you. Please value yourself more highly and keep negative people out of your life xxxx
Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 4 years ago
I mean, he specified that they were great people. I get teased by my dad too (more by my mom tho), but they are just kidding with me. They don't mean to hurt me in any way or cause any harm, even though it can sting a little. Families and communities are different and I'm sure if this persons father and teacher meant any harm, they would've done way way worse. They probably just didn't know it would hurt him. I'm sure they just thought he would brush it off and dismiss like many young children would, not take it seriously. And to this guy, more power to you. My little Pony is a great tv show and dolls can be really cool.
Load More Replies... InfectedVoice 4 years ago
My friend Will would play with Barbies and that in school and we would make fun of him but we were his friends so he didn't care, when other people made fun of him we didn't like it either, working class kids are so confused sometimes.
Luna Lovegood 4 years ago
The hell is wrong with being weird? f**k the biatches who said that being weird is a bad thing.
Lorelai Purvis 4 years ago
baby dolls and MLP are great for any gender so just ignore everyone who insults you
#46
I paint my nails, and oh boy, the downright ignorant comments I would get from people at work astounded me. Like, why? A-holes.
Caleb Lumpkin 4 years ago
i colored my nails black once to go with the tattoos i had drawn on myself and i got super downgraded for it. i understand man
Lorelai Purvis 4 years ago
i painted my dad's nails a few days before my mom's b-day and when they went out on my mom's b-day people were asking where he got his nails done... i live in ky fyi
Eric George 4 years ago
I just realized, at age 47, that no one is going to stop me from wearing skirts and dresses, and painting my nails. All the people who love me are still here, and I have gotten surprisingly few negative reactions from the world at large. I wish I hadn't bought into the ideals of masculine appearance for the last 30 years. I am so much more comfortable in my skin now.
#47
Ohhh this is a recent example. I was driving my father home from physical therapy and I was turning left at this intersection. Construction in the intersection forced me to get in the right-most left turn lane and when the light turned green, I went to change lanes but the truck next to me wouldn't let me in the lane. I had to remain in the other lane, unable to go anywhere, and my father screamed at me (not nicely) to "grow some balls". Joke’s on him tho because I already have a pair
Lucas 4 years ago
Yep, getting into accidents because you can't change lanes is very masculine. Not sure dad would be getting a lift from me again if that's how he wants to talk to me.
Memere 4 years ago
Same here, dad would be paying a stranger for a ride in a taxi or Uber!
Load More Replies... I want cake 4 years ago
Wow, dad can find someone else to drive him if he's going to be a massive pile of excrement.
#48
Had to go through the Modern Army Combative course. Aside from it being physically difficult, the level of toxic masculinity was off putting. One instructor told us he was so committed to the job, earlier in the year he came home from a deployment and went straight to the gym. It’s like, dude you’re a terrible husband, and a loser.
#49
When someone is bothering my girlfriend and everyone just looks at me to jump in straight away. Like damn I was wanna enjoy my taco, she can definitely fight her own battles sometimes tho
Doggo Froggo 4 years ago
Yeah, it's wrong for both genders - he is expected to fight her battles, her to just sit back and watch
StrawberryParfait 4 years ago
Depends on the battle, and if it's escalating. But never prioritize a taco over the safety of your girl. And if you're girl is looking at you for help, put the damned taco down.
Son of Philosoraptor 4 years ago
My ex was 5 feet zero, 100 pnds, would pick a fight with a guy no problem. Saw her pin a fool against a wall by the neck... She was reaching up to do that... Asking him if he wanted her fist in his face. Guy was terrified. Good times.
Load More Replies... Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
Men should back off because she has said she doesn't want the attention not because her boyfriend (i.e. in their eyes 'owner') has said he doesn't want them paying her attention.
Caleb Lumpkin 4 years ago
i beleive in this but there are times when we have to help or it gets a little too much
#50
Got called gay because I hung out with girls ( I just enjoyed hanging with girls more because no male toxicity at the time) When I was young I used to be super emotional and people would just say I'm a cry baby and males shouldn't act like that etc.
Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 4 years ago
1. If they wanted to have a point they should've called you straight. (They shouldn't call you anything mean to begin with). 2. (Me being a girl) Guys are cool to have as friends because there is less talking behind backs and making big deals about little things. Being able to be comfortable around girls is something that I respect and guys shouldn't pick on you because they aren't.
#51
I was an expressive, artistic, and cute boy who was different than my two brothers who loved sports. Ultimately, more intellectual. Because my brothers loved sports, they were taken under the wings of my uncles while I was ignored and looked down upon. My uncles even took my childhood best friend who is the same age as me under their wings essentially. Then they took a neighborhood friend under their wing essentially creating an internal dynamic with myself that something was wrong with me and why am I always separated out of the crowd. They would take them to sporting events and other things like that. I tried to play softball and other sports, but always ended up getting embarrassingly hurt because I didn’t have years of experience playing, but put myself out there in a vulnerable place many times over and tried so so so many times to gain some validation from any fatherly figure. The fatherly figures of my brother, best friend, and neighbor. My father was a depressed alcoholic, so I never looked up to him unfortunately. My brothers while growing up were bully’s. As I grew up, I became cynical, more quiet, and became invisible on purpose. I eventually realized I was gay when I hit puberty, but even then, since I was a conscious being, I was singled out by my uncles powered by toxic masculinity. I’m fine, successful, and thriving, but growing up with only being able to invest, have faith, and learn to trust in myself always has been a blessing and a curse. I didn’t get here without any setbacks or challenges. It would be great if I could get a pat on my back.
Lorelai Purvis 4 years ago
you sound like an amazing person and i would love to be friends with you
Luna Lovegood 4 years ago
"I was an expressive, artistic, and cute boy who was different than my two brothers who loved sports. Ultimately, more intellectual. Because my brothers loved sports, they were taken under the wings of my uncles while I was ignored and looked down upon. My uncles even took my childhood best friend who is the same age as me under their wings essentially. Then they took a neighborhood friend under their wing essentially creating an internal dynamic with myself that something was wrong with me and why am I always separated out of the crowd. They would take them to sporting events and other things like that. I tried to play softball and other sports, but always ended up getting embarrassingly hurt because I didn’t have years of experience playing, but put myself out there in a vulnerable place many times over and tried so so so many times to gain some validation from any fatherly figure. The fatherly figures of my brother, best friend, and neighbor." I can relate.read next comment for rest
Luna Lovegood 4 years ago
I might be a girl BUT I freaking hate makeup, talking about boys, etc. I was an outcast but I became popular overtime with the boys AND girls. the people who rejected me I still gave them attention and listened to them and now they are my Best friends. I forgave them. They forgave me. I NEVER wanna think about the past anymore.
Load More Replies... #52
As much as I hate term 'toxic masculinity', here goes. I was bullied in elementary school because I was an easy target. As in I wasn't violent and I was different, was bit of a nerd, and didn't care about sports, and so on. And yeah, everything civilized was attempted to stop the bulling, but nothing worked. I was even punished for being bullied because of typical school bureaucracy nonsense such as "bullies can't be changed but you can", and "boys will be boys". One time I was punished for just being in a wrong place and doing nothing when everyone else got away with 0 consequences. You know what worked? In few situations I've beat the s**t out of bullies, I didn't care about pain, but they did. Also, I'm much stronger than I look, so that's a plus. Every time I would retaliate, bullies would be less eager to attack me. One time I was being picked on by this guy who was like 2 years older and quite taller than me, and when I retaliated, we were separated and he tried to laugh it off. I was never picked on by him again. But bulling didn't completely stop until I moved to a different class with less violent students. Pretty sad how low state of society is with some things...
Logic and Reason 4 years ago
Boys will be boys is an awful phrase, even the ‘innocent’ uses shouldn’t be utilized.
TheReader19 4 years ago
Not from America, can someone explain the obsession with sports and how your not a man of you're not interested in them?
Memere 4 years ago
It's a type of "herd mentality". I have no idea what the roots of it are, but it definitely is an obsession. And of course there is a lot of capitalistic greed involved - owners of sports teams are extremely wealthy & greedy, ticket prices are obscene, then there's all the gear to buy so you can flaunt your favorite team. It's actually disgusting.
Load More Replies... #53
People would make fun of me for watching certain movies, or being smaller than everyone else, or wanting to be seen as “cute.” It got to a point where I was so self conscious that I’d be embarrassed listening to a song where a woman was singing.
TheReader19 4 years ago
I read do I understand the concept of being less manly because you listen to songs by female artists, can someone explain this to me; is this an American thing?
InfectedVoice 4 years ago
I dance around listening to Kate Bush sometimes, singing "it's meee Kathyyyy" to my dog, and I feel good doing it.
#54
Being made fun of for expressing an emotion other than the two that are allowed. Happy or angry, preferably about sports.
#55
Being called gay because I work with children!
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
Again, bizarre definition of gay, but do you care if they think that?
Doggo Froggo 4 years ago (edited)
And having to go through far more tests than women for it plus being watched like a hawk all the time EDIT: this is only from a few male experiences that I have heard of though.
Chris Jones 4 years ago
The same records have to be checked by law Doggo Froggo. In the UK there are three types of DBS check – standard, enhanced and enhanced with barred lists check. Teachers, for example, are all required to undergo an enhanced with barred lists check regardless of gender. This type of check will reveal any spent or unspent convictions, cautions or reprimands the applicant has, as well as any relevant information held by local police. It will also show whether the applicant has been barred from working with children or vulnerable adults. Obviously, more suspicion is placed on men there isn't anything extra that they have to do that I'm aware of. Thanks for not being mortally offended by my asking a question!
Load More Replies... #56
A redneck fellow student in highschool "joked" about how he should rape me. I was goth, so I guess it's how he'd "show me" for being depressed and wearing makeup to school.
Caleb Lumpkin 4 years ago
imma redneck and i find what he said very disrespectful. its people like that who piss me off
#57
Growing up being called a flake by my father and not being late like either he ment the other flake....I was destroyed by that ended up trying to prove myself to him..Even joined usmc to prove I wasn't a flake... The Marine corps broke me down and built me back up.. graduating boot camp was the proudest I've ever seen my father..... But inside I'm sad and lonely... I'm a straight Caucasian male who enjoys dancing and dressing to the nines. I just followed the beat to My own drum and my father couldn't understand that.. he ended up disowning me back in 1992... My father died in 2005 and I didn't hear about it until 2015.. what I've discovered is be yourself no matter what whoever says whatever that's on them it's their problem not yours just be who you want to be and just be the best you can be.then you're ended with resentments and resentments are like you taking poison expecting them to die...
#58
Been pressured into doing things like trying beer because it's "what men do."
InfectedVoice 4 years ago
Boys will be boys should only ever be reserved for pre-teen shenanigans, like kicking a football and smashing a window, or falling off your bike from going too fast, once you become a teen and older, that saying isn't cute anymore.
Load More Replies... #59
Typical experience growing up. Hugging or showing affection to my friends (sober as when you're drunk, apparently this is ok?!) Them: Hey, why are hugging (or showing affection) to your mates (male and female)? Are you gay (males) or are you trying to hit that (females)? Me: They're my friends, why wouldn't I show them that I care about them? Them: Dude that's gay or you so want hit that aye?
General kenobi 4 years ago
I should have said more sorry, pls dont downvote me, i mean, bruh to those people that don’t like you hugging your friends.
Load More Replies... InfectedVoice 4 years ago (edited)
I don't get this, me and my friends have always hugged hello and goodbye, ever since I can remember, and why wouldn't I, I love those sons of bitches.
#60
Background: my wife is the bossy “Karen” type. Sex is a quick wam-bam most of the time then clean up and go separate ways. Hates to cuddle. Refuses. That sort. Once I had tears in my eyes during an emotional discussion and she laughed and says “wow you really are the girl in this relationship and I’m more the man! I don’t want to cuddle but you do. You get more emotional.” She said I was more feminine. Even when I lost family members she’s never seen me shed a tear since. Which is hard af during the (original) Mufasa scene... last year I fell and hurt my tailbone. One night I decided to sit in the tub, hot water... she walks and and looks in and laughs “you’re sick a girl!”
Yoga Kitty 4 years ago
This does not sound like a loving wife to me - Are you sure you really want to be with her?
That Spoony Bard 4 years ago
Sounds like my family. I can sympathize as I was practically born sensitive and was ridiculed. So now I don't let them see me cry or open up to them out of spite.
#61
I called a friends dog cute and he said calling something cute was gay.
InfectedVoice 4 years ago
And then it's only really gay if you look each other in the eye, no eye-contact = no homo.
Load More Replies... Noemie Houtekie-N'Da 4 years ago
Excuse me? What does calling something cute have to do with your relationship status anyway? Well. You just cant help stupidity.
Caleb Lumpkin 4 years ago
thats not true. that pug is cute and there aint nothin they can say bout it so suck it
#62
I paint my nails and hooooooo boy the amount of sexist, homophobic, and downright ignorant comments I would get from people while at work astounded me. Like, why?
#63
Being too romantic as a teenager with my dates, and still being virgin in my late teens caused my friends to tease me, and some telling me if I wasn’t man enough. This was a common “peer pressure” at school.
#64
I'm a fairly good looking guy, I seem to be a type for many. Not that I identify with being handsome, it's just clear people are physically attracted to me more than average. With that said, I lost count of the amount of time women have made inappropriate remarks, or came on to me in ways that we're well beyond comfortable, and my male colleagues or friends made fun of me when trying to get out of these extremely cringey and awkward situations. Because I was just supposed to go and f**k these women, right? First world problem, I know.
Luthor 4 years ago
A first world problem is still a problem. Don't dismiss your struggles because some people are going through different things. I always hated being told that, whatever situation I was going through, meant nothing because "some people don't have running water". My pushing through my inability to get out of bed due to massive depression and social anxiety is not going to improve someone elses life 1000s of kilometres away. It's a stupid arguement and belittles what you may be going through.
Yoga Kitty 4 years ago
Unwanted attention is creepy, no matter if you are male or female or whatever. No means no and that is valid for each and every single person on this planet.
#65
Being called soft because I had to meet a therapist for my anxiety. Tbh I am not aggressive , enthusiastic , carefree guy. I don't know how that makes people to consider me softhearted.
Caleb Lumpkin 4 years ago
yea i was told once that i didnt need anger management that i just neede to get my s**t straight. im a aggressive dude when people piss me off and its hard for me not to get mad. so i was pretty much told because i was a dude and i needed to put that s**t aside because im a dude, that i didnt need help. and i still cant get it so now its on them if i get into fights
Keyy 4 years ago
that's NOT why they told you that .. they told you that cuzz of white privilege sir .. they were QUICK too put me in agner management classes
Load More Replies... #66
My dad told me to keep crying like a girl when I was pissed when he would listen to me. Context: I was flying a drone that I couldn’t control the direction of. I told him this repetitively and said let’s stop flying it. He didn’t listen and then it flew onto a tree. Then he got pissed at me.
#67
I’m told it’s effeminate to rest with one hand on your hip or stick out my pinky finger when grasping a cold drink container. Sadly it’s my wife’s distorted idea of what’s manly, who tells me.
That Spoony Bard 4 years ago
Look, divorce isn't the answer to EVERY problem. The point of a healthy relationship is to talk/work it out. Hopefully she understands how it makes him feel.
Load More Replies...
ℜ𝔬𝔟𝔢𝔯𝔱 ℭ𝔞𝔱𝔱𝔢 4 years ago
This is the most relevant comic I could think of. Papery-don...6566f9.gif 
M O'Connell 4 years ago
At some point when I was a child I was told it was inappropriate for me (as a male) to move my hips when I walk. As an ongoing consequence of that, I walk with my heels turned inward and wear out shoes rather quickly. Thanks grandma.
#68
Everyday I’m baraded by guys spouting bulls**t. Yesterday was about trucks, the day before it was guys calling other guys ‘girls’, day before that some guy was b***hing about clean energy in Texas. Shut the f**k up. Shut the f**k up. No one in the room cares. Don't talk to me about what I should eat, why I shouldn’t do my taxes, why the US is great, why foreign automobiles aren’t good. Shut the f**k up.
M O'Connell 4 years ago
The 'foreign automobile argument' is an excellent way to assess the relative intelligence in a room. Especially because those people don't seem to realize how many Honda ,Toyota, Nissan, Subaru, Hyundai, BMW and Kia models are manufactured at US plants (plus a handful of Volkswagen and Volvo cars, as well as Volvo and Hino medium trucks).
#69
Went to the toilet in a busy pub, cubicle was taken. Waited outside the cubicle because I like my privacy. Some guy decided I was waiting to use the cubicle because I had a small penis. Thought it was a bit gay that he wanted to know how big my penis was but there you go.
T. 4 years ago
I think the German expression would be a having timid bladder. That's nothing to be ashamed of, although I have a friend with the same issue and he regualrily gets into discussions about it because people can't have their mouth shut.
InfectedVoice 4 years ago
Yeah mate we have all had stage fright at one time or another.
Load More Replies... #70
A literal necklace, my taste in jewelry is where I love gems, and of course when my grandmother died, being a child I saw her black gemmed necklace that looked like a shark tooth necklace but with gems and gold, and I was told no by my father cuz it wasn’t ‘manly’same with a heir style where I had my back bit of hair on top of my head up in a short like tail, and the front just going forward, and i wasn’t allowed to wear it , because it wasn’t manly,
#71
Growing my hair long and in a ponytail. Get call girlie. When I had it cut on #2 I was told I look like I just got out of prison. Look in mirror and judge yourSELF
#72
I like listening to KPop and am a big fan of BTS and BlackPink Apparently as a man I can't listen to a boy or girl group.
angie but who cares 4 years ago
so men can't like KPop and pop music i will have to tell my dad he is actauly a women because men can't listen to harry styles
InfectedVoice 4 years ago
You can listen to what you want but if any of my friends listened to boy bands we would make fun of them, that's just a given, come on...boy bands.
#73
I've spent my first year at college rooming with someone who is the definition of toxic masculinity. Constantly makes irritating noises to prove that he's a "man," such as yawning, moaning, farting, burping, sighing, clearing his throat, and talking annoyingly loudly, all of which he does in a very aggressive manner. He'll also randomly workout in the room at odd hours, and he'll grunt loudly every time he does a pushup. The guy will also stand in front of the mirror, admiring his body that in all honesty isn't even that muscular (what muscle he does have is built by creatine). But the worst thing he does is put other guys down. He told his parents the other night that all other guys who go to the gym are "betas" while he is a "biological alpha." He then proceeded to make fun of out of shape people at the gym (isn't the whole point of the gym to get in good shape?). He's made my life a living hell at school (disregards covid restrictions as well), but the administration makes it extremely difficult to change roommates because "tradition," so I'm stuck with him for the rest of the year.
Roxy Eastland 4 years ago
Oh, are we still using being gay as an insult? I agree that he sounds afraid. Afraid that if he lets the façade slip the whole world will turn on him as being of little worth.
Load More Replies... ℜ𝔬𝔟𝔢𝔯𝔱 ℭ𝔞𝔱𝔱𝔢 4 years ago
#13 is "My old roommate was the definition of toxic masculinity. He told his parents the other night that all other guys who go to the gym are 'betas,' while he is a 'biological alpha' and then proceeded to make fun of out-of-shape people at the gym." Sounds familiar?
#74
Being told I was “gay” or “pussy a** b***h” for the car I drove in high school. Jokes on them; I own a heavily modified Audi SUV now and they still drive the cars their parents bought them.
M O'Connell 4 years ago
Out of idle curiosity, what did you drive then? I'm rather proud of the fact that I still have my high school car. I'm relatively sure I am the only person from my class who does.
Logic and Reason 4 years ago
Joke’s on them, I let them damage me to the point where I have to flex my car to feel good about myself.
#75
I remember in High School (I went to an all-boys school), I would go to watch my older sister play hockey, and I’d get made fun of. I never understood what the problem with going to watch a women’s hockey game was, especially one where my older sister was playing.
What do you think ?
A.M. Pierre 4 years ago
I know this gets said every time, but I still think it bears repeating. “Toxic masculinity” does not mean that being masculine is toxic. It means that in our culture there are certain specific traits that are pushed as being masculine but that are actually harmful to both men and women.
Doggo Froggo 4 years ago
Please do keep repeating that!!! We all need to be reminded so thank you.
Load More Replies...
Doggo Froggo 4 years ago
"Toxic Masculinity" is not the only issue shown in this post. Homophobia and sexism are also there.... we need to show all these issues more and do more about them to achieve equality.
Francesca Annoni 4 years ago
My husband loves cuddles and kisses more than me..He is cuddly and sweet with our two kids and he is raising them in a very sensible way.. in our house it's me who does all carpentry works and repair jobs because my father taught me these things even if I'm a woman...my husband lets me doing all these things not because he's less masculine but because he knows I love it more than him ..we think that all these stereotypes are really really harmful..
Laugh or not 4 years ago
My dad taught my sister and I (also female) how to repare or DIY'ed many things, because everyone should know how to do some basic work around the house. When we left home, he gifted each one of us a big tool box and I have used it a lot and bought more tools.
Load More Replies... Ozacoter 4 years ago
Yes. We should get rid of gender altogether. The only moment where sex is relevant is in sexual situations and in the doctor. For the rest we do not need to know so gender is useless. Also a toxic idea (as we saw in this post).
Load More Replies... ivan bolitekurac 4 years ago
I worked in a company where 70% are females.I was daily harassed by a female coworker.She snitched every little mistake i made to my boss,she manipulated others against me and she made me doing her work.I had a really good paying job.I told my boss and he was like "yeah we will talk to her" and the situation never got better.Because the company was mostly female i had no chance to "survive".The worst thing is that i had a really good paying job and i had to quit.This happened 6 years ago and now i am almost broke.I had to do the worst jobs becuase others wouldn't hire me becuase everyone is asking why i quit such a job.Whatever i say it is the wrong answer in interviews because "you just can't quit such a job".I never recovered and my life is hell to the point where i thought about suicide.Therapy,medication,working out and eating healthy didn't help.
Ashlie 4 years ago
I’m so sorry you went through that. The effects of toxic people can last years. You had to quit your job due to a health (mental health) problem. No interviewer should ask more information. Many communities have low cost mental health clinics. I hope you give therapy another try. Sometimes talking to the right person can make all the difference.
Load More Replies... John Montgomery 4 years ago
I can think of a few my dad did. One, he'd ask how I'm doing. I'd say "pretty good". He'd say "I don't know about this "pretty" thing. I think it was meant to be a joke, but it just came off as stupid. His views on Trans people were particularly disconcerting. I went with him when he met some of his biological family. One of his cousin had a trans girlfriend or something. He commented something along the lines of "men who do that are mutilating themselves". This one I'm not sure if it's toxic or just terrible, but growing up; especially as I got close to adulthood, he would say "If we were ever to be in a fight, I'd win. You know why. You'd hesitate thinking "I can't hit him. He's my father." I however would not have that". I always thought " gee. I Feel loved". My own father wouldn't hesitate in hitting his son.
ALonelyPanda 4 years ago
There is only about 3 things, if not less, that apply to only one gender. Almost nothing should be categorized under one gender. BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE, NOT WHO OTHERS WANT YOU TO BE!!!
Aroace tiger 4 years ago
You are allowed to have emotion you are alowed to get help you are allowed to not enjoy sports you are allowed to be kind you are allowed to not want to f**k every girl you see! It does NOT make you gay (even though its 100% ok to be gay) you do you and don't worry about the world stupid gender roles!
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago (edited)
This post was needed. Toxic masculinity is rife and often (as proven in this thread) is scoffed at and has a limited voice to speak out against it. It's a cog in the gears of toxic identity culture: stand up for yourself/another gender, or even race or religion (not to get sidetracked btw), standing up like that is shot down. The more we can support each other and listen, without "not all's" and "but your gender does it too's" the more we drain the misery out of our society. I know reading this thread and comments has given me some more insight into what I need to be aware of in my behaviour so as not to prop this toxic s**t up
A.M. Pierre 4 years ago
I know this gets said every time, but I still think it bears repeating. “Toxic masculinity” does not mean that being masculine is toxic. It means that in our culture there are certain specific traits that are pushed as being masculine but that are actually harmful to both men and women.
Doggo Froggo 4 years ago
Please do keep repeating that!!! We all need to be reminded so thank you.
Load More Replies... Doggo Froggo 4 years ago
"Toxic Masculinity" is not the only issue shown in this post. Homophobia and sexism are also there.... we need to show all these issues more and do more about them to achieve equality.
Francesca Annoni 4 years ago
My husband loves cuddles and kisses more than me..He is cuddly and sweet with our two kids and he is raising them in a very sensible way.. in our house it's me who does all carpentry works and repair jobs because my father taught me these things even if I'm a woman...my husband lets me doing all these things not because he's less masculine but because he knows I love it more than him ..we think that all these stereotypes are really really harmful..
Laugh or not 4 years ago
My dad taught my sister and I (also female) how to repare or DIY'ed many things, because everyone should know how to do some basic work around the house. When we left home, he gifted each one of us a big tool box and I have used it a lot and bought more tools.
Load More Replies... Ozacoter 4 years ago
Yes. We should get rid of gender altogether. The only moment where sex is relevant is in sexual situations and in the doctor. For the rest we do not need to know so gender is useless. Also a toxic idea (as we saw in this post).
Load More Replies... ivan bolitekurac 4 years ago
I worked in a company where 70% are females.I was daily harassed by a female coworker.She snitched every little mistake i made to my boss,she manipulated others against me and she made me doing her work.I had a really good paying job.I told my boss and he was like "yeah we will talk to her" and the situation never got better.Because the company was mostly female i had no chance to "survive".The worst thing is that i had a really good paying job and i had to quit.This happened 6 years ago and now i am almost broke.I had to do the worst jobs becuase others wouldn't hire me becuase everyone is asking why i quit such a job.Whatever i say it is the wrong answer in interviews because "you just can't quit such a job".I never recovered and my life is hell to the point where i thought about suicide.Therapy,medication,working out and eating healthy didn't help.
Ashlie 4 years ago
I’m so sorry you went through that. The effects of toxic people can last years. You had to quit your job due to a health (mental health) problem. No interviewer should ask more information. Many communities have low cost mental health clinics. I hope you give therapy another try. Sometimes talking to the right person can make all the difference.
Load More Replies... John Montgomery 4 years ago
I can think of a few my dad did. One, he'd ask how I'm doing. I'd say "pretty good". He'd say "I don't know about this "pretty" thing. I think it was meant to be a joke, but it just came off as stupid. His views on Trans people were particularly disconcerting. I went with him when he met some of his biological family. One of his cousin had a trans girlfriend or something. He commented something along the lines of "men who do that are mutilating themselves". This one I'm not sure if it's toxic or just terrible, but growing up; especially as I got close to adulthood, he would say "If we were ever to be in a fight, I'd win. You know why. You'd hesitate thinking "I can't hit him. He's my father." I however would not have that". I always thought " gee. I Feel loved". My own father wouldn't hesitate in hitting his son.
ALonelyPanda 4 years ago
There is only about 3 things, if not less, that apply to only one gender. Almost nothing should be categorized under one gender. BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE, NOT WHO OTHERS WANT YOU TO BE!!!
Aroace tiger 4 years ago
You are allowed to have emotion you are alowed to get help you are allowed to not enjoy sports you are allowed to be kind you are allowed to not want to f**k every girl you see! It does NOT make you gay (even though its 100% ok to be gay) you do you and don't worry about the world stupid gender roles!
Lauren Caswell 4 years ago (edited)
This post was needed. Toxic masculinity is rife and often (as proven in this thread) is scoffed at and has a limited voice to speak out against it. It's a cog in the gears of toxic identity culture: stand up for yourself/another gender, or even race or religion (not to get sidetracked btw), standing up like that is shot down. The more we can support each other and listen, without "not all's" and "but your gender does it too's" the more we drain the misery out of our society. I know reading this thread and comments has given me some more insight into what I need to be aware of in my behaviour so as not to prop this toxic s**t up
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