People Are Sharing The Things Those “Without Siblings Will Never Understand” And Here’re 30 Of The Most Accurate Ones
There’s an abundance of scientific research made on how having siblings affects our lives. Sometimes best friends, sometimes rivals, they are a quintessential part of our lives and there’s not much we can do about them.
No wonder, after many years without contact, people feel an urge to reconnect with their brothers and sisters as no matter what, they’re still the closest people they have.
So when someone posed a question “What’s something that people without siblings will never understand?” it surely hit a soft spot for many. Thousands of people started sharing their experiences and it clearly seems like life with siblings is full of weirdly particular quirks that they feel like only they can get.
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You don't apologize after a fight, you just start talking to them again
To find out more about the complex workings of sibling relationships and in what ways they influence our lives, Bored Panda reached out to Helen Marlo, a licensed clinical psychologist and Jungian Psychoanalyst, certified through the C.G. Jung Institute of San Francisco. Helen is also a tenured Professor of Clinical Psychology at Notre Dame de Namur University where she is the Department Chair.
“Research, as well as my professional and personal experience, confirms that sibling relationships exert a powerful influence on one’s life and development,” Helen told us. “So, the presence or absence of siblings is significant in shaping one’s experience although one is not necessarily better or worse. They are different.”
Helen explained that while we know siblings are influential, the effect of growing up with a sibling is not linear because the sibling relationship is complex. “Some siblings become best friends while others are arch enemies. Some people are fulfilled by having siblings while others find fulfillment as only children. Their life experiences, however, are different,” the clinical psychologist explained.
Why it's a bad idea to put a light switch OUTSIDE the bathroom door
They'll add the "OoooOoooooooOoo" sounds and you have trauma for lifetime
"Please don't tell mum! Look, you can hit me back!"
And the amount of fear, anxiety, dread, waiting for them to accept the offer before mom hears the cries 😭
The fact that as the oldest sibling you may give the younger siblings s**t. But nobody else is allowed to give them s**t.
You also love them more than they could ever know.
Moreover, Helen argues that findings that generalize about siblings can be misleading. “For example, findings on the influence of birth order or recent research asserting that sibling relationships are more important than parent relationships. Often, these findings do not also acknowledge the influence of other important variables, including psychological, family, systemic, developmental, environmental, and cultural factors that mediate the influence of the sibling relationship,” she said.
Helen continued by saying that this explains why such findings do not fit for many people. “Take sibling conflict. It is not necessarily negative. Parental warmth during sibling conflict, for example, influences if the sibling conflict leads to healthy rather than divisive sibling relationships. It can help prepare one to develop problem solving and negotiation skills.”
“Dude come here”
“Why?”
“I wanna show you something”
“No, you’re gonna hit me”
B- "QUICK! QUICK! COME HERE YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS!! YOU'RE GOING TO MISS IT!! QUIIICK, YOU PIG" Me (running at a speed I've never known myself to achieve): WHAT!? WHERE!!? B- (holding a mirror infront of my face) "Oh lookie, a real life DUMBASS"
Hating someone who is literally just sitting in the same room as you and isn't doing anything, just their presence is annoying
It's funny when you're in third person, watching two siblings fight. I've seen my cousins throw slippers, and utensils at each other for a KitKat piece. That was the highlight of my day!
The clinical psychologist also noted that “while generalizations do not fit for many sibling relationships, growing up with siblings generally is accompanied by having a stronger sense of being part of a family and with feeling less alienated and alone.”
Helen argues that siblings have a daily influence in our lives. “Therefore, [siblings] can be associated with many strong emotional memories including sharing together in the traditions, joys, secrets, and challenges in family life,” she explained. What’s interesting is that although siblings encounter the same experiences, they experience them in their own unique way and these can be sources of challenge and connection.
The soul crushing grief when one passes away.
Also the connection to another human being that can validate your experiences. Having someone who can say, "yes, that really happened.".
My younger sister passes suddenly about three years ago. I have a younger brother as well and we were all able to call each other when we had nightmares to figure out if it was a memory or a dream. We were each other's PTSD support group.
My brother is currently living with and caring for our elderly father who was our tormentor for decades. I could not love or appreciate him more. I tried. I couldn't do it. He is still abusive and aggressive. When my brother gets overwhelmed, I am only a phone call away, to listen, validate and support him. We are all each other has and I know that I will always have his back and vice versa. Siblings are as big a blessing later in life as they are imagined a curse when growing up.
You may give your kidney but you will never give that tv remote
well the tv remote is a matter of life or death, but kidney not so much
According to Helen, another way having siblings may influence you is that starting one’s own family and having a child can feel more familiar, known and natural when one has siblings.
The clinical psychologist who grew up in a large family herself also said that there are a lot of things her fellow siblings fostered in her. “Personally, having siblings has fostered in me a sense of connection and security; empathy; acceptance; compromise; tolerance; an appreciation of diversity; and having a greater focus on and understanding of others,” she explained.
Making your sibling laugh so their cries are not credible
Having to hide your snacks because they'll be gone in seconds
The amount of blackmail you have on each other that creates a Cold War scenario
When asked what’s unique about sibling relationships, Helen said that they’re unique because “they share together, with one another, in one of life’s most important relationships, the parent relationship, for better and for worse.” It turns out that “sharing in this relationship can readily elicit complex, myriad feelings such as competition, jealousy, intimacy, inferiority, superiority, and resentment. Siblings face issues related to the sharing and division of parental resources both material and psychological.”
There are many more ways in which sibling relationships are unique, Helen argues. “Sibling relationships are unique because they occupy a distinct and different role relative to parents and other family members, even in cases when the sibling serves as a parent figure. Sibling relationships are unique because sibling roles are more fluid than the parental role and can include elements of being both family and friend.”
When your younger sibling is allowed to do things at his young age that you were not allowed to do.
For example :
He could go to bed whenever he wanted at the age of 12 when I was forbidden to go to bed past 10 PM at his age.
He got in trouble for worse s**t than me, but got punished less. (Wayyy less)
He got his phone earlier than me.
When he got bad grades at school, my parents scolded him for a few minutes then forgot about it. When I had bad grades, I would be punished (no computer/video games for a week, grounded for a week, etc..)
That was pretty infuriating.
(For instance, I'm 23 and he's 15)
Yesssss. I'm the oldest of 3 sisters and i'm still pissed and will never let it go. -.-
Yep. When you're oldest, your parents are "testing the water" with you. Babies don't come with a guide, so a lot of first-time parents actually believe age recommendations. As a kid, I wasn't allowed to watch PG-13 movies until I was 13. Once my parents realized the movies didn't scar me, they let my younger sibling watch them almost immediately.
I am the one who rates PG-13 movies. If there is a good reason for me to avoid watching them, sure, but other than that, I just fast forward or watch the whole thing.
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My brother can get my parents to buy anything he wants (this is how he bought 6 stuffed animals) but i have to spend weeks thinking about how i can convince my parents to buy just one book
Exactly! I may have an overthinking problem too. If I want my parents to get something, it's a very, very lengthy process involving me yelling at my sister, "Don't tell them!"
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As the oldest sibling my parents banned me from playing Minecraft because of all the killing, yet my youngest brother regularly watches Minecraft YouTubers and downloads mods. So jealous. :/
omg I've experienced literally the exact same thing!!
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Yeah I sometimes feel like I've been the training kid and they avoided most of the things that f****d me up for life when my sister came along. But I'm honestly glad that at least one of us is fine.
I'm the youngest of five. Much younger than the rest. (I'm 24, my siblings 35, 38, 41 and 43) and they HATE me. Because of the freedom I got and they don't. Well sorry I was born...
I’m the oldest of 5, and I am certain if the middle sibling (8 year old male) killed someone my parents would not scold him. Whereas if I forget to take the rubbish out I’m threatened with boarding school lmao (over exaggerated)
We had a rule that you had to be 8 years old to sleep on the top bunk bed, but once, she got to sleep up there when she was 7!
Absolute truth!! My younger brothers got away with alot more than I did. Reasoning of my.parents: because you're older and the responsible one!!
Oh, I detested being "the responsible one" soooo much! And getting lectured for not setting a good example for the younger kids - after a lecture, I would go out to the trash barrel & smash the glass jars & bottles in a nuclear rage!
Load More Replies... It's because your parents aged up and realized a lot of that stuff was petty and stupid.
I wasn't allowed to go out till I'm 18, and got ridiculous punishments for being on the computer all day (what else am I supposed to do all day?!!) ....my sister kept sneaking out at night to go smoke w€€d when she was 16, she was never punished once.
Both pissed and happy for. Honestly when my mom does treat one of my siblings like she treated me I’m more mad than when than when they get away with things.
I'm 40 and still can't forgive my parents for making me wait until age 13 to get my ears pierced, then allowing my younger sister to do it a week later (aged 10) because she sulked for a week until they said yes.
Not surprised! That's teaching someone that sulking actually works. Terrible lesson. They should really have sucked it up and not given her that amount of power. Not fun but that's parenting for you! Large amounts of it aren't fun. We were ALL made to wait until 16. My mother's view on it was that we had to be old enough to take care of our piercings properly ourselves - be responsible for our own health and our own bodies. None of us argued with her either. Just seemed reasonable to be honest. Though my mother had to take me to hospital because my ear piercings went wrong and I ended up with dangerous infections. So that didn't work!!!
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100% add that you also get punished for what they did because you as the oldest should have stopped them...
Yes! My sister got an iPad when she was four, and I wasn't allowed get one until I was 10 (let's be honest, both are too young, but seriously?) just so it wasn't "unfair." She also watches WAY more TV than me and never gets things taken away for more than a day
I completely understand this poster's angst. In high school, I really wanted my ears pierced. My parents didn't see the point and totally blew me off when I asked to have them done. This was in the 70's, and you had to have your parents' permission to get ears pierced unless you were 16. It ended up being my 16th birthday to myself -- they still thought I was nuts. My sister, five years younger than me, got her ears pierced two years later, when she was 13. Her best friend's Mom pretended to my sister's aunt, or something, and was the adult to give "permission". I was sure my sister would get in SO much trouble for sneaking off to get her ears pierced. But both our parents just laughed when she told them, it was aggravating as hell. I also hated wearing glasses, like most teenagers, and begged for contac lenses. My parents dismissed that idea as well. When my sister turned 16, failed her eye test for her driver's permit (like me), and whined about how she didn't want glasses, they took her down to get them right away. No years of wearing glasses first. That did piss me off, I absolutely gave them hell. To my parents' credit, they saw my point, and realized that they had been unfair on that one. They didn't completely buy my contacs, since I was 21, out of the house, getting my degree and working as well -- but they helped with the expense.
I was the opposite. My older sister was wild and irresponsible. Therefore, my wings were clipped before they were ever strong enough to fly. I had to pay for my own contact lenses because she ruined hers. I wasn't allowed overnight trips to the beach with my friends because she got into trouble going on trips with friends. Stuff like that. The thing is, I hung with a timid and scholarly (nerdy) crowd that would never have done anything bad. The worst thing I did in HS was drink a few beers and smoke pot a couple of times. Neither were fun.
For me, whenever I asked when I'd be allowed to do certain things my older brother was allowed to do, the answer was always "when you're X's age." I spent years trying to catch up until I realized I'll never be his age...I'm now 45 and wouldn't you know it, he's still 4 years older than me!
I'm the oldest of 4 - I have 1 sister & 2 brothers. I was "parentified" - when I was 11, the youngest sibling started 1st grade, & my mom went back to work full time. She worked days & dad worked evenings, so neither was home when we got home from school. I was made responsible for farm chores (feeding the cattle & the hogs, etc.) & "babysitting" the siblings after school. They refused to do the chores they were supposed to do, or just half-assed them because "you're not the boss of me". Who got in trouble? Yep, ME. And they all got preferential treatment from both parents too. I love them, but don't really have much to do with them now. Especially the youngest brother, but that's another story.
I'm the oldest but this is infuriatingly true. The amount of s**t she got away with was massive but me? Couldn't get away with anything. I paid for most things i wanted out of my allowance but she threw hissy fits. I wasn't allowed to get a tattoo but they paid for her first one at 16.
I had to explain to my oldest that she had to wait longer for some stuff because younger one shouldn't be exposed so young. I wanted to find a good middle ground for both. But I am the oldest and swear my younger brother got away with a ton more stuff than I did.
oh the anguish this brings up, I'm 59 and still suffering, sisters are 56 and 45.
Big sister here.... My kid brother was spiked rotten, parents did everything and mire for him, and as much as I love him (there's a big gap so there was no growing up rivalries) as and adult watching my parents with him, I felt a sort of grief fir the childhood I didn't have with them. I overtly treat my 2 daughters equally... Even with 8 yrs between them, they both have my tiem, financial support and love in equal measure, something I have promised myself and them since the day they were born. Husband is eldest of 3 boys and he was lucky to have had fair parents so he gets exactly where I'm coming from. His sibling and him are super close.. Even though they are now in their 40s, it's really sweet
Being responsible for the younger (sibling & cousins) despite being literally just 2,5years older than the youngest. Getting scolded & grounded b/c you're reading and those 3 decide to walk away to play in the woods. --- You're the adults! You're 6 persons and I'm 7y/o! Watch your Kids!
I got my phone at 12, my sister got hers at 11, my brother got one at 3. Granted, he can't call anyone on his phone or anything but still
Okay so I got allowance first when I was 8, but my sister got it at the same time as me when she was 4. It pissed me off so much. And even with her own allowance she would still steal mine and I would have to secretly steal it back!
im the second youngest, my little brother got his phone at the same day as me. Like, seriously?
Exactlyyy, my sister is 5 years younger than me, and she was allowed to do wayy more things than I was at her age -_-
Specifically for older siblings:
The wave of fear that shudders through you at the moment that your younger sibling breaks into tears within earshot of your parents because of something you did.
Getting offered something by your parents, saying no, and then when you see them ask your sibling, you're like, 'Wait a minute, I want that.'
There's a part missing from this, it is only when the sibling says y- that you scream and say BUT I WANTED THAT! Then proceed to throw a big tantrum in public, then when you get the thing, not even use it because the satisfaction of stealing something is way better than the atual object you threw a tantrum for.
Ultimately, siblings have a different function in the family than the parents. “For example, siblings support separation and independence from the parents and family; they share in a lived, joint history and experience of their family life, even if their experiences differ; they directly shape the experience of daily family life; they are uniquely able to help their siblings understand dimensions of their family life; and siblings help socialize their siblings in ways that parents cannot,” Helen concluded.
Having someone to complain about your parents to. I love my parents very much, but they are crazy sometimes
This hits home, now that our parents are mid 80s. It doesn't feel disloyal to rant with someone who you know cares and loves them as much as you do
Having a completely different perspective on your childhood is interesting. I have a brother and a sister and their memory of the household when we were kids is completely different than mine.
Hand-me-down clothes:
Knowing that I would "inherit" my older brother's clothes, he'd take me shopping with him so we could together choose things he'd like and that I'd eventually enjoy wearing once they became mine.
Idk if its just my siblings but they would come up to my door and just stand there. "What do you want", nothing just dead silence. And then they walk away with your door wide open
Literally dehydrating yourself so you don't lose the prime seat that if you get up from, will be stolen within seconds
or risking a UTI because you didn't dehydrate yourself and you really need to pee but can't give up the spot
That’s it’s possible to love someone who you usually hate
Siblings are the only people (mostly) around the same age you spent your entire childhood with, if you complain about the annoying habits of your parents, they will understand. And I can still call my brother "little brother" even though we're both in our late thirties and he's taller than I am
Haha yes! My brother is 28 and so much bigger than I am but he will always be my little brother.
How to love someone who's a total pain in the arse
Love? What love? I will tear him limb to limb next time he tries to touch my hair
It's so satisfying finally being player one when you were player 2 for years
my brother banned me from being player one on the WiiU after i accidentally deleted everything we had done on Rayman
Oldest gets the front seat. I am the eldest of 4 and had a monopoly on that front seat until we were all old enough to have our own cars
we also did this in my family, and the youngest had to sit in the middle of the three seats in the backseat
"Mom said it's my turn to play the Xbox"
Note: this post originally had 78 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
When I was little, the door on my room locked from the OUTSIDE. My little brother would lock me in always and it was the worst feeling ever. I got my revenge on him though eventually.
I am an older sibling of 2 people and this is the most relatable most ever.
I love my brother. Yes we had a lot of these posts growing up, but we also had each other's backs. Mother clearly favored him. We both knew it too. He did what he could to help. I knew then, and I still know now, that it wasn't his fault or doing. Our mother wanted boys only. I was treated like a leper. My brother took care of me, took me under his wing. I learned all kinds of cool stuff with him. To anyone out there who has a sibling like mine, Thank You, for being there.
My mother does tend to listen more to my brother, but we get our heads together and decide what needs to be said, and he does the saying. Here's to good brothers!
Load More Replies... What about that thing where you're dividing a drink between each other and you spend too long staring at the water level to make sure your siblings never got a single millimetre more than you?
The other day I taped a knife to my Kirby plush and left it on my brother's computer before he came home from school. The scream followed by hysterical laugher could be heard from the other side of the house.
When I was little my brother looked up to me always. But because of my anger issues he was always scared. We could never mess around or have the kind of relationship that other kids do because my parents were scared that I would hurt him. I love him so much and I just wish we were closer.
I am the eldest and i hate the way my brother breathes and how he exists but once every few somethings we have so much fun together that we forget we are sworn enemies
Me and my Twin will always help the other out, but you want the last pudding, yogurt or the TV remote, things won't be pretty.
My brother had a little cubby under his bed and he used to stick he in there and stuff pillows in after me until I cried that I couldn't breathe, also used to tie me to a chair and leave me there until I could wiggle myself out when he didn't want to play...I must have been a really annoying little sister
As an only child currently raising 3 children of my own, I've got to say sometimes sibling relationships are just baffling. They do seem to like each other far more often than they seem to hate each other so hopefully we are doing something right.
fck, i didn't have any of these. ,y brother was part of the satanist plan with the family, they kept talking together about me but never told me why, maybe the securitate knows, where they passed it, and all relatives, friends, neighbors, colleagues etc.
Mum only had me as a carer for her pfb male, spoilt handicapped brat with learning difficulties and he he bullied me right from birth. I hated my family which was a good Christian family. My schoolwork suffered badly because of and no one noticed or cared about my welfare
As the second oldest of 11, I am once more left to wonder about how weird other people are XD.
This is super relatable as being 2nd oldest of 5 kids. Like since I'm not the oldest I'm not always that "free babysitter" or the one to take all the responsibility. But that's a double edge sword as you're not always looked up too. Also I'm surprised they didn't mention about theft of clothes in this thread. Seriously that's a common crime among sibs.
They did. They mentioned trying to put together the perfect outfit, giving up, and coming home from school to find your sibling wearing the item you were looking for.
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I don't have any siblings so I really appreciate these posts that give me an insight into what it's like and I must say, while I absolutely love my alone time I do sometimes wish I had a sibling. It might have helped with my social anxiety or you know, having someone to relate too.
When I went to the arcade when I was little with my grandma, she always made us split the tickets. It really pissed me off becuase I usually won more than my brother. I love my grandma but yea, she was a ticket communist.
As a parent, can I just say - treating younger ones favourably only happens in the older ones' heads. My eldest complains that he got a phone before she did, he was allowed out longer, etc. Nope. Didn't happen. She just has a skewed memory and wants to think that she is being treated unfairly, so she 'remembers' not having a phone until she was 15. She was actually 13 and in her first year of secondary school (high school in the US) - same as her brother. So all you who complain that they got bigger, better things earlier than you did - re-examine that memory. You WANT that to be the case, but 9 times out of 10, it isn't.
That's a strong claim you make there. I believe it's pretty normal for parents to not want to admit to favoring the youngest. At least in my experience. Strange of you to make it out to be something that really doesn't happen. Yes we misremember but saying that parents basically are always right is just wrong. I have seen the youngest be treated very mildly very often.
Load More Replies... When I was little, the door on my room locked from the OUTSIDE. My little brother would lock me in always and it was the worst feeling ever. I got my revenge on him though eventually.
I am an older sibling of 2 people and this is the most relatable most ever.
I love my brother. Yes we had a lot of these posts growing up, but we also had each other's backs. Mother clearly favored him. We both knew it too. He did what he could to help. I knew then, and I still know now, that it wasn't his fault or doing. Our mother wanted boys only. I was treated like a leper. My brother took care of me, took me under his wing. I learned all kinds of cool stuff with him. To anyone out there who has a sibling like mine, Thank You, for being there.
My mother does tend to listen more to my brother, but we get our heads together and decide what needs to be said, and he does the saying. Here's to good brothers!
Load More Replies... What about that thing where you're dividing a drink between each other and you spend too long staring at the water level to make sure your siblings never got a single millimetre more than you?
The other day I taped a knife to my Kirby plush and left it on my brother's computer before he came home from school. The scream followed by hysterical laugher could be heard from the other side of the house.
When I was little my brother looked up to me always. But because of my anger issues he was always scared. We could never mess around or have the kind of relationship that other kids do because my parents were scared that I would hurt him. I love him so much and I just wish we were closer.
I am the eldest and i hate the way my brother breathes and how he exists but once every few somethings we have so much fun together that we forget we are sworn enemies
Me and my Twin will always help the other out, but you want the last pudding, yogurt or the TV remote, things won't be pretty.
My brother had a little cubby under his bed and he used to stick he in there and stuff pillows in after me until I cried that I couldn't breathe, also used to tie me to a chair and leave me there until I could wiggle myself out when he didn't want to play...I must have been a really annoying little sister
As an only child currently raising 3 children of my own, I've got to say sometimes sibling relationships are just baffling. They do seem to like each other far more often than they seem to hate each other so hopefully we are doing something right.
fck, i didn't have any of these. ,y brother was part of the satanist plan with the family, they kept talking together about me but never told me why, maybe the securitate knows, where they passed it, and all relatives, friends, neighbors, colleagues etc.
Mum only had me as a carer for her pfb male, spoilt handicapped brat with learning difficulties and he he bullied me right from birth. I hated my family which was a good Christian family. My schoolwork suffered badly because of and no one noticed or cared about my welfare
As the second oldest of 11, I am once more left to wonder about how weird other people are XD.
This is super relatable as being 2nd oldest of 5 kids. Like since I'm not the oldest I'm not always that "free babysitter" or the one to take all the responsibility. But that's a double edge sword as you're not always looked up too. Also I'm surprised they didn't mention about theft of clothes in this thread. Seriously that's a common crime among sibs.
They did. They mentioned trying to put together the perfect outfit, giving up, and coming home from school to find your sibling wearing the item you were looking for.
Load More Replies... I don't have any siblings so I really appreciate these posts that give me an insight into what it's like and I must say, while I absolutely love my alone time I do sometimes wish I had a sibling. It might have helped with my social anxiety or you know, having someone to relate too.
When I went to the arcade when I was little with my grandma, she always made us split the tickets. It really pissed me off becuase I usually won more than my brother. I love my grandma but yea, she was a ticket communist.
As a parent, can I just say - treating younger ones favourably only happens in the older ones' heads. My eldest complains that he got a phone before she did, he was allowed out longer, etc. Nope. Didn't happen. She just has a skewed memory and wants to think that she is being treated unfairly, so she 'remembers' not having a phone until she was 15. She was actually 13 and in her first year of secondary school (high school in the US) - same as her brother. So all you who complain that they got bigger, better things earlier than you did - re-examine that memory. You WANT that to be the case, but 9 times out of 10, it isn't.
That's a strong claim you make there. I believe it's pretty normal for parents to not want to admit to favoring the youngest. At least in my experience. Strange of you to make it out to be something that really doesn't happen. Yes we misremember but saying that parents basically are always right is just wrong. I have seen the youngest be treated very mildly very often.
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