There are some things that men will just ‘never’ understand—that’s how some women feel. And they shared these things in a thread on the r/AskReddit subreddit. User u/Top_Run4841’s question inspired them to open up about the unique issues that women face, from handling sexism at work and having to face stalkers to dealing with periods and more.
Scroll down to read about the most important women’s issues, according to the internet, dear Pandas. Upvote the posts that you think need to be seen by everyone, and let us know in the comments what you personally think that men will never get about women, ever.
Previously, human rights advocate Elizabeth Arif-Fear explained to Bored Panda that the most obvious marker of gender inequality is the gender pay gap that exists in the workplace. According to her, this is “a gross violation of women’s rights.”
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Men will never understand what it feels like to be sexually assaulted, impregnated, and then told they can’t abort the fetus.
I feel like you don’t get to have a problem with abortion if you can’t experience it. Goodness it makes me so livid when I hear a man, talk about protecting the fetus moreso than protecting the woman carrying said fetus
Aye, and those men are mostly offended by the unauthorized sex the woman had. As a man you can f**k away, but as a woman you're suppose to have restraint or you're a whore. And who does a pregnancy effect more if not entirely? They see pregnancy as a well deserved punishment
Having guys assume that smiling, talking, or otherwise showing basic human decency to them means we're flirting.
Even making eye contact, or just existing. We want to go about our daily lives without being hassled or hit upon. As for those men who will come to whinge about not being able to swap numbers with a girl anymore or what's wrong with flirting - there is nothing wrong with it, in context. If I am sat on a train with my headphones in then I DO NOT WANT CONTACT. If I am in a hurry on my way to work, if I am going for a jog, if I am doing the food shopping, etc I DO NOT WANT A STRANGER HITTING ON ME. It's that simple.
What an absolute annoyance having your period is. Everything about it is horrible.
Arif-Fear feels that, in the West, the talents of female employees are definitely recognized. However, there are still obstacles that they face. Obstacles that need to be torn down.
“Discrimination includes women being denied work, in preference for men due to maternity leave allowances. Due to the imbalance between caring for children and housework among male/female partnerships—which is still prevalent across the globe—women are left juggling a high amount of childcare and work which places extra demands on women,” she pointed out.
Laughing, coughing or sneezing - and promptly giving birth to a red jellyfish.
The excitement of pockets in our clothes. Actual, helpful pockets.
Last weekend I wore a pair of my boyfriends old jeans and he was so confused when I was so happy that my phone fit all the way into the pocket.
How young being preyed on by men starts. I was first ogled and cat called by men when I was 9 and was groped when I was 11. At a public library. While playing runescape.
This is not to say this doesn't happen a.t all to boys. It just happens to girls at a far higher rate
1 in 9 girls experience sexual abuse. 1 in 53 boys. https://www.rainn.org/statistics/children-and-teens
The human rights advocate believes that employers could help solve some of those issues by allowing flexible schedules so that parents can drop their kids off at school in the mornings. But even that, in her opinion, isn’t enough.
“Practical barriers add an extra burden onto women. Beyond childcare, women in leadership is an area that is evolving but there is still a massive glass ceiling. We need more women in leadership positions,” she said.
How the safety of where we go is always there. Like, I would love to go camping alone somewhere… would I? Nope. Leaving a store at night, we have to be on guard. Walking the dog at night or through woods alone? Always on guard.
Men say they feel uncomfortable walking alone at night too, but I think women feel it for different reasons. Men don't want to be mugged or jumped. Women don't want to be sexually assaulted, raped, mugged or jumped.
How much effing free labor we are expected to do for everyone, at home, at work, and everywhere. Planning, preparing and cleaning up from office birthday parties, holiday meals, weddings, funerals, etc. etc. Being the “default parent” who knows the family schedule, the pediatrician’s number, whether we need more peanut butter and eggs. Always running scripts in the back of your mind to make sure you’re not being TOO friendly to your male coworkers/boss/a stranger so you’re not giving anyone the “wrong idea,” but also being friendly enough to not bruise a man’s ego. Being a woman is a full time job that we aren’t paid for and it’s f**king exhausting. InB4 “I’m a dad and I know my kid’s doctor’s number, my wife doesn’t do anything” Good for you, you’re an outlier and get a cookie.
That even though we might be "prettier if we smiled", we literally can't do that even if we want to, because smiling is interpreted by too many men as a sexual invitation. Men are drawn to smiling women like sharks to a bleeding baby seal.
Please, just let me laugh at my comedy podcast in peace, I implore you all.
One extremely frustrating issue that women face is the fact that many of their clothes either don’t have pockets at all or the pockets are non-functional. However, this issue might be a practical one, not a political one.
Sewing and design expert Roxanne explained to Bored Panda during a previous interview that it’s normal to want pockets for their functionality.
"I think women love pockets for the functionality. We don’t always want to carry things in our hands, especially our phones. When I wear a dress with pockets, my hands naturally gravitate toward the pocket. I’m not sure why. It’s just comfortable,” she said.
How your issues are never taken seriously and are always either chalked up to your period or a moral failing.
I first started getting symptoms of Celiac disease when I was fourteen. I was diagnosed at 21. I spent seven years getting told my constellation of horror show symptoms was just my period.
I was diagnosed with autism at 26. I spent my entire life being told I was a s**tty person because I didn't understand socialization like other women. Every faux pas was just viewed as intentional malice on my part, and treated about as harshly as you'd expect.
You know. Little stuff like that.
They will probably never understand the things we do out of fear. Also, when a fart rolls up to the front of your vag lips.
That turning us on needs to happen waaaay before you even get our clothes off.
“I think a lot of women’s clothing lack pockets for one simple reason: women have curves. When there is an opening at a stress point, such as at the hips, the fabric will naturally flare out. This is particularly evident in form-fitting clothing,” Roxanne suggested that the lack of pockets in women’s clothing has barely anything to do with political or social reasons.
“There are several ways to solve the problem: redesign the garment with a looser fit, secure the fabric with a zipper or button closure, relocate the pocket, or, here’s the big one… redesign the pocket shape,” the expert said.
Bras hurt. Sometimes the wire breaks free and attempts to impale the [chest].
I just want to say that this is true, bras can be uncomfortable, especially if they don't fit well, and if the underwire breaks it can be painful. But I like wearing a bra, I like the way it looks, I have well-fitting bras that I don't notice I'm even wearing and don't feel the need to take off as soon as I get home. And when I have mastalgia for a week or two before my period, wearing a bra definitely eases the pain. Just another point of view on bras.
The social expectation to wear makeup all the time. We're literally told that our FACES are socially unacceptable unless coated in intricate and expensive layers of artificial substances. How screwed up is that?
See also: Shaving. I cannot believe we're this far into the 21st century and people still get freaked out by a woman with armpit hair
“Shaping the opening into a slant or curve will allow the opening to wrap around the curve without resulting in bulging, excess fabric. This pocket style does change the original look of the garment, so the designer would ultimately decide if it works with their vision. I recently drafted a curved pocket pattern for a form-fitting dress, demonstrating that it is possible!”
“I don’t think there is any political or social reason for the shortage of pockets. Most designers are trying to appeal to the desires of their target demographic, in this case, usually a slimming silhouette that doesn’t draw attention to areas many of us want to minimize.”
What it's like to live in a society that favours men in most things.
Look at the comments here. As soon as women try to say that they aren't treated the same at school or work etc then men say it's not true. But how would they know? The vast majority have never had to experience inequality because they are a man.
We say we're scared of walking at night but then we get gaslit from men who say that crimes against men are higher. Men are rarely targeted because of their sex, women are targeted because they are a woman all the time. Look at the news for example, hundreds and hundreds of women getting attacked and murdered in the street by men. Ask yourself how often that happens the other way round? Where women stalk men in the street and come behind them and beat them to death? Or pull them into alleyways and sexually assault them?
The vast majority of men haven't had to think about what they're wearing to try and improve their safety, or walk with their keys in their knuckles because you're on alert from a random attack walking to your car. Or how unsafe you feel when you have to get a plumber or electrician to your home and you live alone.
All of these are real issues for women that men deny despite the majority of them never experiencing sex based crimes, and definitely not in the numbers women do.
And of course men's issues are equally important. But if you only bring them up in response to a women bringing up issues about women's rights then you're doing it to deny what she's saying about her own experiences. There's a reason why women protest in the street and have womens marches to advocate for basic human rights. I've never seen a male protest to highlight gender based inequality for men.
I've seen the same glib, smug reaction from my fellow white men when they talk about people of color being shot at traffic stops. Since they never expect to be murdered by cops for the fun of it, they don't think it's real or that it's a problem at all.
Having your opinions taken less seriously because of your voice. I am trans and recently got surgery to feminize my voice. It has been wild seeing the difference in how people react to me online. My game knowledge is doubted, and my competency is always open for debate.
How little I care about a man's opinion on my hair, clothing, or makeup. I am not dressing for you. I do not care if you think red lipstick is too much.
Also just how often guys touch you without permission.
Man: "But I'm SUPERIOR! You should pay attention to what I think, what I want, what I say." Woman: "Get lost." Man: "Hey! I'm being nice here, trying to help you! You can't be anything without me!"
Why we are terrified of y’all as strangers whenever we go out alone. I’ve tried to explain it to some and always get “well all guys aren’t the same” THATS NOT THE POINT.
Like the bad ones have a sign over their heads reading I WILL FOLLOW YOU HOME AND ATTEMPT TO RAPE. You kind of have to assume every male stranger is a potential threat, because from looks alone you can't tell an assailant from a normal guy apart.
The many and subtle ways the world around us tells us we're never beautiful enough.
How exhausting/depressing it is seeing so many sexual overpowerment scenes on TV and Film.
It’s like they are trying to inform us of how vulnerable we are to sexual assault, when we are fully aware and live with that knowledge on a daily basis.
I hate when movies and tv show a woman saying NO and the man kisses her anyway, then she suddenly likes it and kisses him back. In real life this is assault. Don't do it.
How sometimes you can never feel successful in your career because you’ll always be accused of sleeping your way to the top, or being a difficult woman. Never on merit.
This this this this!!!!! I'm a manager (was an engineer) in a male dominated manufacturing business...been there 27 years and still get the questionable background problems pop up now again....I'm a middle aged, perimenopausal mother...I have enough s*** to deal without this demerit!
That “good men” and “bad men” are often impossible to tell apart. We’ve all had the experience of a man we thought we could trust turning out to be terrifying, and we learned from that. So no, we don’t think that all men are predators, but we do know that many of the bad ones are very, very good at appearing to be good ones, and we have no choice but to behave in ways that protect ourselves.
High quality toilet paper is deeply important to women because we use it every single time we pee or poop and extra when we’re on our period.
*meanwhile school bathrooms* edit: men also like good tp
That until you guys come together and force real change to happen, women will continue to perceive all of you as a threat and will act accordingly and you have no right to complain when we do.
That many women live in constant fear of getting pregnant and having to give birth in the future. All the scenes in movies, all the info about death risk of pregnancy and diseases and stuff connected to it.
That many women are scared of picking a wrong partner because we know that we'll most times end up alone with children if anything goes wrong.
Feeling sad and tired for no reason, because my body is starting to produce less serotonin before my period. I get so sad and I can’t do anything to feel happy for like 2-3 days a month.
I suffered with this from age 15 until I was 27. It was so bad that I was given a hysterectomy at 27 years old.
That we really can’t stand unsolicited d**k pics so Please for the love of god stop sending them. They take a conversation from 0 to and “ya lost me” real quick
How exhausting it is to see your gender constantly objectified. Middle aged and older women are practically absent from media.
How your brain gets re-wired by pregnancy. And I don’t just mean the “I’ll kill anyone who tries to hurt my little bologna loaf.” I mean how some foods you loved now taste like c**p. And others you only tolerated taste like heaven. How some smells are now more intense or slightly off from before pregnancy. That you can’t remember how to drive a stick shift (true story, ground the gears for at least a month) but can put together some complicated as s**t storage unit with no instructions and nothing but a pair of pliers and a nail file, while 8 1/2 mos pregnant.That you can spy a poisonous plant from 50 yards away but can’t find the orange behind your water glass. And that if/when you get pregnant again everything will get re/wired in a different way.
Just like men, we can have what are deemed "negative emotions" (fear, anger, etc), that doesn't mean we're being hysterical, dramatic, annoying or whatever else invalidates feelings.
This! When I'm in a bad mood or just plain annoyed by his actions my boyfriend always says "Eat something, you're cranky." and it drives me crazy! I feel like he's not taking me or my emotion seriously and he tends to do this all the time.
My male friends are always like 'everyone should travel solo across Europe at least once in their life'… like no thank you I don’t want to disappear.
When you’re on your period, and stand up and feel the gush.
The universal scare. It might just be sweat or discharge… but it could be blood too. And you’re not able to make a quick getaway to the nearest bathroom to check.
The sensation of menstruation itself Not just the symptoms. It's almost indescribable. Like someone ripping a scab off of your insides or dispensing warm soup from your nethers.
How much of our behavior is influenced by fear that a man will physically harm us. By 18, I stopped smiling at men 25 and up in passing because too many took it as sexual interest. At 23 I stopped jogging near streets or apartment buildings because the cat calls were too aggressive. And at 31 I cut a married, super religious, father figure from my life because he couldn't keep his eyes off of my body and started talking to me like a mistress. Right now no man I've had any sort of relationship with knows where I live and I feel safer than ever before.
I grew up super religious too and others should know. Your daughters are not safe with someone because they hold the title Preacher or Deacon or Sunday school teacher. Protect your children from everyone you do not know very well and by all means tell your daughters and sons they do not have to listen to anyone who says "don't tell anyone". Anyone who says that to you is doing something wrong to you.
Holding my [chest] means nothing s*xual. Sometimes I do it instinctively. It's comfortable and warm.
How terrible it feels to pull a dry tampon out.
Honestly, this is dangerous. Tampons need moisture to expand and work properly so you should never be putting them in when you're not bleeding sufficiently to make them damp enough. You should never use a tampon for spotting. You should never use a tampon in anticipation of bleeding. These are basic 'Don'ts' and companies like Tampax explain things like this on their websites. You should not put yourself in the situation where pulling one out dry happens. If you unsure better to use a pad.
The feeling of taking off your bra after a long day.
How much society influences how we behave — from being polite when men creep on us to working a full-time job and still doing the majority of the work at home.
I work in retail and for fear of being rude or hurting feelings I'm very polite and act interested whenever one of several old ass men, 50 years old or so, who're also regulars, start talking to me about crap I don't care about. Couldn't imagine the hell I'd be in if I had tits.
In corporate culture:
being mentored by men is more difficult without the comraderie that men share. Male leaders see themselves in young men.
women need to assert professional boundaries CONSTANTLY.
the connection between beauty and perceived ability. Ugly fat men are very common in leadership. Ugly fat women, however...
working in compsci is off-putting because many compsci dudes only interact with women in romantic contexts, and find it difficult to treat them as fledged colleagues.
How we're expected to be extroverts -- to smile and coddle everyone's feelings. I constantly used to catch myself indulging men in "conversations" that were really just them showing off. They would never do that for me, but I was socialized to be a polite, attentive audience to stroke a man's ego. Needless to say I do not do this any more.
Having your words minimized. Telling symptoms to a doctor, they ask when my last period was or if I’m pregnant. If they can’t figure out what’s wrong with me, it’s hormones, and loads of young women have similar unexplainable symptoms.
Idea at work? Tell it to the boss, they think it’s stupid. A male coworker says it louder, and he’s employee of the month.
Tell your partner you’re not in the mood for sex? It becomes a negotiation.
Tell your kids to do something, they ignore you and just say mom’s being boring again.
Tell your parents about sexual harassment, they say you just need to grow a thicker skin, and it isn’t nearly as bad as it was in their day.
Telling a guy friend about period pains, he immediately tries to one up it by talking about skinning his knee or getting kicked in the balls.
Not all of these have happened to me personally, but they have happened to my friends and sisters. It’s definitely a common occurrence.
Every girl has different symptoms in her period so stop assuming things. I don’t get mood swings, cramps nor cravings, but I do have other symptoms like back pain or oily skin.
Our empathy.
During the 2016 election, I had a coworker look up at our TV mid shift at Hillary Clinton giving a speech. She shook her head and said a "Women can never be qualified enough to be leaders, they're too emotional."
She was covered in bruises and sporting a black eye that her boyfriend had given her the night before.
A woman who has been systematically beaten and abused by the men around her had enough empathy to give men the benefit of doubt regarding leadership, but most men cringe at the word 'feminism' because it uses 'fem' as its etymological root and most men will never be able to see past that.
I feel for her but I wouldn't describe what she said as empathy, I would describe it as gaslighting, self-preservation or cycles of abuse. She wasn't empathising with men, she was repeating what had been beaten into her.
As a girl you are talked to about how strangers want to touch you before you get the sex talk. At that point it’s too late because you’ve already been violated and feel like your body is dirty but you are just a kid…. You don’t learn that your body is actually your own until you are much older.
I'm 55 this month. My mother handed me little black book thee week before my first wedding. And told me "sometimes he's going to want to do stuff you don't want to do, but after you are married, you have to do these things" the book was anatomy of male and female genitalia. Think high school anatomy text books. No how to on anything including hygiene. 0
The fact that you have to take a “compliment”. If a friend, colleague etc says something inappropriate it’s just easier to accept it / laugh it off because if you make a scene you’re the party pooper / sensitive / can’t take a joke person.
To be fair it is changing though
When purchasing something new or expensive such as a vehicle as a young woman, being accused of using “daddy’s money”.
The discomfort and anxiety, of needing to bring my vehicle to a garage and the worry that we're being ripped off, because we're women and supposedly easy targets for that kind of shit.
A lack of sex drive has nothing to do with a male partner. We have a whole heap of hormones that can cause it, and it doesn’t mean we don’t love you.
Yep but I think it might be stereotyped to point out the obvious that men "supposedly" have this high drive and women "don't" and that it leads to these misunderstandings. I had this experience of the difference in my 2nd relationship and it led to a breakup. So sometimes you need to decide what it means to the other person. Or ask them.
Almost all of the time, you're always going to be considered second rate compared to a man whether at home or work.
No matter how more educated you are, no matter how much more you've worked, no matter how much you've achieved, a man's opinion is listened to more.
I worked automotive for over 20 years, and during that time, my FIL never thought I knew more than a loaned OBD.
Menstrual pain and child birth.
I know you can describe it to us, but it’s one of those things that I don’t think can be truly comprehended
How a woman’s body changes after giving birth (losing their hair, etc).
Women losing hair after pregnancy is more of a function of the fact that you shed less hair during pregnancy due to hormones and after you give birth you shed everything you haven't been shedding over the last 9 months.
Going to the bathroom in groups because we feel safer, can do a period leak/outfit check, and have someone to talk s**t with while we wait in line.
Even though we love our partners, it can be exhausting to be your only emotional outlet. Women spread their support network across different people.
The constant sexualization of women like when bending over to get something you drop, they get stared at, but when men bend over no one cares
The sacrifice she will make to carry a child, birth a child, feed and care for that child. And not to mention the monthly cycle she has to endure for majority of her life.
I saw some research that you CAN go on the pill indefinitely and that the red ones were put in there by a man who thought it was unnatural to not have the cycle. So that should stop it all. Unless of course you have side-effects from it which are unpleasant. My first long-term partner did the continuous pill thing but my 2nd could not due to side effects so with her we just had to reduce frequency and use alternatives.
Feeling something hard or pointy stab your boob when someone hugs you. Our breasts are so sensitive.
I don't think mine are more sensitive than any other part. I don't want to stabbed by something pointy in my tummy or arm, either
In my experience, post partum depression takes the crown.
My grandmother kept trying to murder my mother in her crib, wasn't til years later docs figured out there was something called post partum depression. "Would stand by her crib and stare at her, and hate her. Would see the blanket on the edge, and kept thinking if I just nudged it onto her face, she would suffocate and I wouldn't have to deal with her anymore". That shi*'s super frightening, watch and support new momma's like hawks!
Dealing with excruciating pain from breastfeeding. The constant engorgement is ungodly. And my baby couldn’t latch correctly, so I would always be in extreme pain — blisters, cracking, bleeding nipples.
Hell yeah, I can relate to this. Not being able to feed in public even if I wanted to because the baby would pull away and my breasts would shoot milk at innocent passers-by. I also had mastitis and trying to feed a baby on breasts that were infected, swollen and sore was agony. But I felt I had to get through it as I would have 'failed' if I chose the bottle.
plucking the black hairs that randomly emerge on my boobs. or having to try on several different bra's because of the difference in breast shape each bra has. or maybe the awkwardness of having to ask strangers for a tampon because your 3 seconds away from everyone knowing you're on your period.
The assumption that everyone knows exactly what I want without me telling them.
Peeing on the toilet a little and feeling it flow up your buttcrack.
I would also like to add pelvic organ prolapse. Two weeks after I turned 40 I tried to lift something heavy and 3 organs fell into my pelvis and has really complicated life big time. It is even more common in women who have given birth.
This! My mother blames me for her bladder prolapse, which is true. Lol Many mothers have it, a bladder or womb or both prolapse is also known as the motherly prolapse.
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Pleased to see that there are plenty of men here who fully understand that this was a post about some things women go through and not a post about men. No one, at any stage, said all of these are issues exclusive to women. However, to the guys saying "but men XYZ" or "not all men XYZ" then you've failed to grasp the very simple intent of this article. When women say "I have to be alert walking alone" and you're not an evil dude then WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU. We have some fantastic guys in our lives - we know it's NoT aLL mEn.
I find it hilarious that I have seen more "this comment is hidden"s on this one article than on the last three or four combined. Not surprised.
I wonder how much percentage of them are by our "old friends".
Load More Replies... I would also like to add pelvic organ prolapse. Two weeks after I turned 40 I tried to lift something heavy and 3 organs fell into my pelvis and has really complicated life big time. It is even more common in women who have given birth.
This! My mother blames me for her bladder prolapse, which is true. Lol Many mothers have it, a bladder or womb or both prolapse is also known as the motherly prolapse.
Load More Replies... Pleased to see that there are plenty of men here who fully understand that this was a post about some things women go through and not a post about men. No one, at any stage, said all of these are issues exclusive to women. However, to the guys saying "but men XYZ" or "not all men XYZ" then you've failed to grasp the very simple intent of this article. When women say "I have to be alert walking alone" and you're not an evil dude then WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU. We have some fantastic guys in our lives - we know it's NoT aLL mEn.
I find it hilarious that I have seen more "this comment is hidden"s on this one article than on the last three or four combined. Not surprised.
I wonder how much percentage of them are by our "old friends".
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