“Are Men OK?”: Men Answer A Poll About What Makes Them Most Uncomfortable, Results Go Viral On X
Despite the traditional norms of masculinity depicting men as obsidian sentinels, capable of withstanding anything, this couldn’t be further from the truth. So researchers set out to make an attempt at getting some hard data on what actually makes men not feel comfortable.
YouGov, the market research and data company recently published a poll asking men what sort of actions would make them uncomfortable. They posted the findings and a comparison to similar answers given by women. Users on X (formerly Twitter) shared their thoughts about the state of the male psyche and their own experiences.
More info: X
Public opinion and market research company YouGov posted its data on what makes men uncomfortable on X
Image credits: Nathan Dumlao (not the actual photo)
The poll asked men how they would feel about different activities
Image credits: YouGov
They shared the generational breakdown of the data
Image credits: YouGov
Image credits: YouGov
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One result of toxic masculinity men feeling isolated
Image credits: Ivan Samkov (not the actual photo)
In modern discourse, the term “toxic masculinity” gets thrown around so often that its meaning might slip through the cracks. Terry Kupers, from the Wright Institute, a private graduate school focused on psychology, has attempted to define it as “the constellation of socially regressive male traits that serve to foster domination, the devaluation of women, homophobia, and wanton violence, the need to aggressively compete and dominate others.”
Image credits: Pavel Danilyuk (not the actual photo)
While this definition focuses on the actions, most men probably don’t think they are attempting to dominate anyone else. So instead, it’s perhaps more worthwhile to explore the effects of toxic masculinity, instead of arguing about the semantics. The poll data provided by YouGov is a great example of this. Simply put, large swathes of men feel uncomfortable doing fairly normal, innocuous things, either out of shame, emotional insecurity, or fear of appearing weak or homosexual.
The inability to communicate means that many men will never seek the help they need
Image credits: Ladanifer (not the actual photo)
This data shows a clear and persistent generational fear of most normal forms of intimacy. While there could be leeway in situations where an action can be misinterpreted, the fact that some men fear telling an actual loved one that they love them shows that something is not okay. The depths of miscommunication run so deep that applying sunscreen to a friend, a situation that is purely practical, seems uncomfortable. Despite the fact that, practically, both parties are completely aware that this is a platonic case of one friend helping another, just the idea still makes men uncomfortable, as they are just not socialized enough.
Image credits: Tirachard (not the actual photo)
This isn’t the only bit of data indicating that men are perhaps also victims of toxic masculinity. Depression, stress, and a negative body image can all stem from a man feeling isolated and inferior because he doesn’t match up to what he thinks is the right form of masculinity. Because communication skills are so underdeveloped, men can’t even start seeking help, allowing small problems to just keep getting worse and worse. Researchers have found that even men who do seek out therapy can struggle with being open and honest, making it a lot harder to get to the root of the issue and fix it.
The negative effects of toxic masculinity aren’t limited to just one group
The result isn’t just that certain men are more sad than others, it has a pretty sizable spillover effect on society. Depression, surprise surprise, is often self-medicated with alcohol or other substance abuse. The resulting addictions, cancer, and other health issues are carried by society, either through publicly funded healthcare or just the effect of such people on the day-to-day activities in any urban area. These aren’t fringe cases, numerous studies around the world point to the costs society bears because it struggles with allowing men mental health support.
The medical results for men include shorter life spans across the board, considerably higher risks of violent death, and more instances of lung cancer and cirrhosis of the liver. All that hardship is just compounded by the everpresent stress of, perhaps, needing to help your buddy apply some sunscreen. The old cliche of men not going to the doctor is based on reality, resulting in very treatable conditions not being noticed in time. The same is just as true for mental health, where, outwardly, a man won’t let anyone in on the fact that they are struggling. As in most parts of life, things don’t just improve by themselves. The result is that in most countries, men are significantly more likely to commit suicide. But if a man feels uncomfortable telling their literal romantic partner that he loves them, how can he even start discussing mental health?
The post got a lot of reactions as X users shared their thoughts
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I love the comments, "men need to grow up" etc, the question is what makes a man uncomfortable, and these people answered truly. So are people actively shaming them for their answers, they haven't given a reason, just filled in multiple choice answers. I would feel uncomfortable receiving flowers as a gift, as I don't like them, I would feel uncomfortable because I would be lying saying thank you. I would feel uncomfortable putting sunscreen on another man, but I would also feel uncomfortable putting it on a woman. Reading data doesn't give the whole answer.
Great point. As I was reading the comments "Are the straights ok", "fragile masculinity", "toxic masculinity" etc comes off as pretty obnoxious. So many judgmental comments from people with no real information to back them up. Hell, from what I can see it just says "Men" doesn't even make a distinction whether they're gay or straight. I don't usually wear pink, there's no secret to it, it's not a colour I particularly like, I also don't wear green for the same reason, and orange and baby-s**t brown. Doesn't mean anything other than I don't really like those colours. And a lot of the other questions have more than one root cause behind them. Don't like getting naked in a room with strangers? I wonder why 0_o
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Ironic how we talk about "toxic masculinity" while simultaneously shaming men for talking about what makes them uncomfortable and telling them to man up.
It's not ironic; it's hypocritical, ignorant, exclusionary, and dismissive. It's hypocritical because the people who perpetrate this nonsense would absolutely lose their shît if someone shamed them this way. It's ignorant because it fails to recognize that people are the products of their environment and their society, and if you change the environment, people will change too. It's exclusionary because it insists that everyone behave in the exact same way or be canceled. And it's dismissive because there's no allowance for personal growth at all; if you don't conform you're just considered subhuman until you die with no chance for redemption (which, as a GenX, offends and disturbs me). You can't say, "Ok, Boomer," then behave just like the stereotype of a Boomer.
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This data presenting feels all over the place. The 18-24 year old category is only 6 years, yet there's also 25-49 and 50-64? It just seems like a bad way to present statistics.
I think the age groups are well chosen. Life from 18-24 is usually full of school, learning and still discovering a lot of new things. Then comes the first big phase where everyday life and work, possibly children, lead to a certain routine. In my experience so far, this time is actually about as long as calculated here. Time passes surreally quickly and slowly at the same time and at 40 you don't feel much different inside than you did at 20. The next level is roughly the boomers who are better insured, perhaps just becoming grandparents, have more peace and feel more to the ground (also according to statistics i've seen) and maybe already thinking about retirement....
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And the comments in the article show that sexism is very well alive everywhere - maybe disliking things aren't "straight male toxicity" but are based on different personalities with different reasons to it? I'm shy AF, so things like touching or being naked in front of others is something I absolute would avoid at all costs. Telling familiy member "that you love them" isn't a thing in general where I live. I have no problem to acompany my best friend and her GF to LGBQT clubs though.
Personally, I don't think it's weird to not want to be naked around strangers. But a lot of these, like wearing pink, are frankly ridiculous. What a lot of these answers say is men don't want to do things that are associated with women (such as wearing pink) or gay men (putting sunscreen on a same-sex person's back), because those things are bad or somehow less-than.
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Seems worthy to note that in every single scenario, it's less than half of men who would be uncomfortable.
Why? When you reach a certain age some things become less important. The shy 20 year old in the locker room will be used to it by the time he's 30? 40?
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Why is the fact that some men are uncomfortable in some situations described as "toxic masculinity." If women were uncomfortable in situations (where they weren't in actual physical danger, of course), and a man described that as "toxic femininity", there would be an outcry, with people shutting him down right and left.
I know. I see nothing toxic about any of this, and I’m not sure why others do. It doesn’t say they asked only straight men, just men. And even if they’re straight, why is the data being twisted onto “toxic masculinity”?
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Those commentors are telling these men to stop sharing what makes them uncomfortable and man up... I don't think they have the high ground here.
I'm guessing that gay bars are out of the question because the straight guys are worried about being hit on - now learn that lesson, thank you - kind regards, women. PS - actually, as part of the lesson you should go - watch the guys hit on each other, notice how they get non-verbal consent (locked eyes, open body language etc) before making a move?
Nah, make a move, it's just about taking no for an answer! I'm female and I've been to lots of gay bars, been approached by quite a few women, and I just said I'm flattered but not interested, and 99% of them just left me alone immediately.
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These are all about being overly concerned with what others think of you. Trust me when I say that people will judge you harshly regardless of your appearance and behavior, and they'll nearly always be dead wrong. You might as well dismiss the opinions of others from your mind and enjoy your life, because you'll be a LOT happier.
A lot of these are ridiculous (aside from the naked thing), but the sunscreen 1 is so stupid. If someone needs it, help them. Also, gay bars are fun! I had a boyfriend once whose best friend was gay, and went all the time with him... he had no issues supporting his friend even tho it was in a more "unsupportive" part of the US: Kansas city. Where I come from in the US, was way more inclusive at the time, and the hate in K.C. was startling! You go George! wherever you are!
The amount of homophobia in a lot of these answers saddens, but doesn't surprise me. (Though not wanting to be naked in front of strangers isn't weird)
I'm a 45 year old male. Nothing of these makes me uncomfortable..actually I've done all of these. I would be interested in seeing the nationalities of the respondees. Some of these results scream USA
Likewise - done ‘em all, and the idea of someone even thinking twice about wearing pink is just bleak.
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I am (62m) who I am, and anyone that doesn't approve can go frack themselves because they are pompous entitled little turds. You do NOT get to decide what is right for others. Not now and not EVER. Am I clear?
Jesus this is cringe. What the hell is wrong with people? In the same breath calling out toxic masculinity AND telling people to man up? So we want men to share their feelings, but when they do, we shame them? Huh. Wonder why they might not like talking about their feelings?
¨StRaIgHtS ArE NoT OkAy¨ like shut the f**k up lmfao like your worse than everyone who answered that damn poll
*Twitter. If elon's gonan deadname his child, we can all deadname "his" website. It's Twitter. Anyway, even if some of these answers are a result of toxic masculinity, lets not belittle a man for being willing to open up about what makes him uncomfortable, because there are, unfortunately, plenty who won't.
The one that stood out to me was how the younger men are much more uncomfortable being naked in locker rooms than older men. I'd like to see the same data on women with additional survey questions, because I am curious if it has more to do with younger people in general being more self-conscious about body image or more to do with homophobia.
None of those things bother me and I am in my 70's. What happened to the rest of the country?
Can I point out those comments are exactly the reason why we don't open up about anything? Because we'll get ridiculed and shamed for doing which is why most men keep things to themselves and dont get too emotional unless the situation calls for it or we just snap.
Yep, some men and women have a lot of hang ups. These stats show that the majority of men, actually don't. But it's being spun into being that they do. If 44% of men feel uncomfortable about something...56% (THE MAJORITY) of them don't. If anything most of these show men progressing out of toxic masculinity. But please, keep saying stats mean exactly the opposite of what they show. If you're falling for this, please learn math.
Interesting how younger guys are not comfortable with having dinner with a friend. Is it because they will be considered gay? I have nothing against gays, but I don't want to be called gay, because it is untrue. And when young guy say "I'm not gay" five times after being called gay, he will hear "ah, so you are still in the closet? Sorry."
There is so much going on here that is just plain wrongheaded, and frankly disgusting. Apparently, it's going to be a looooong time before we can really have an honest discussion about where men are, how we got here, and what to do about it. Until then, I guess we'll just keep on laughing at men and telling them to fix themselves, and all the violence and SA will continue. (I swear, social media is such a double-edged sword.)
I'm a man in the 25-49 age bracket and I think the only one of these things that would make me feel uncomfortable would be putting sun screen on a male friends back. I don't know why, but that is jus weird. Putting it on a female friend would weird me out slightly as well. That's something that is fine for wife or kids, but not friends. Not sure why.
If I had been polled for this I would've said everything on the list made me uncomfortable even though none of them do (except maybe 'sharing a bed', which would depend entirely on circumstances). The reason I'd answer them all that way is because I'd figure it was probably just another stupid - *ss 'masculinity' study.
okay but for a lot of these, the reason we're uncomfortable is because of the social standards, like people think its gay or feminine to wear pink and stuff. It's funny because these people talking about toxic masculinity are often the same people saying its gay to drink lemonade
I mean, going to a gay bar and changing in front of other men would make anyone uncomfortable. Bars in general are so loud and bright and noisy, and changing in front of people is uncomfortable no matter what
I grew up with changing rooms where there were few or no cubicles. Only young people (the same age at the time) made it strange for me one day because a lot was happening to the body at that time and unfortunately a lot of insecurities were being fueled. Otherwise, especially when swimming or doing other sports, it was and is very common to change in a large room (separate by gender) where I live
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In one way, this just makes my heart hurt, why are any of these things an issue....
Being gay is so awesome!!!! None of these make me uncomfortable. 💜💙💚💛🧡❤️🩷🩵🤍🩶🤎🖤
"Toxic masculinity" is a mirage. It does not exist. Be yourself, who is bound to like you will like you.
This poll shows that it is a thing. It's sad how uncomfortable men are doing common things and the control with women shows how much higher the percentages of men are. I wish we lived in a world where people didn't feel pressured by dumb gender norms and stigmas. There's nothing wrong with wearing pink or receiving flowers as a gift, but so many of these men are uncomfortable at the sheer thought of it.
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I love the comments, "men need to grow up" etc, the question is what makes a man uncomfortable, and these people answered truly. So are people actively shaming them for their answers, they haven't given a reason, just filled in multiple choice answers. I would feel uncomfortable receiving flowers as a gift, as I don't like them, I would feel uncomfortable because I would be lying saying thank you. I would feel uncomfortable putting sunscreen on another man, but I would also feel uncomfortable putting it on a woman. Reading data doesn't give the whole answer.
Great point. As I was reading the comments "Are the straights ok", "fragile masculinity", "toxic masculinity" etc comes off as pretty obnoxious. So many judgmental comments from people with no real information to back them up. Hell, from what I can see it just says "Men" doesn't even make a distinction whether they're gay or straight. I don't usually wear pink, there's no secret to it, it's not a colour I particularly like, I also don't wear green for the same reason, and orange and baby-s**t brown. Doesn't mean anything other than I don't really like those colours. And a lot of the other questions have more than one root cause behind them. Don't like getting naked in a room with strangers? I wonder why 0_o
Load More Replies... Ironic how we talk about "toxic masculinity" while simultaneously shaming men for talking about what makes them uncomfortable and telling them to man up.
It's not ironic; it's hypocritical, ignorant, exclusionary, and dismissive. It's hypocritical because the people who perpetrate this nonsense would absolutely lose their shît if someone shamed them this way. It's ignorant because it fails to recognize that people are the products of their environment and their society, and if you change the environment, people will change too. It's exclusionary because it insists that everyone behave in the exact same way or be canceled. And it's dismissive because there's no allowance for personal growth at all; if you don't conform you're just considered subhuman until you die with no chance for redemption (which, as a GenX, offends and disturbs me). You can't say, "Ok, Boomer," then behave just like the stereotype of a Boomer.
Load More Replies... This data presenting feels all over the place. The 18-24 year old category is only 6 years, yet there's also 25-49 and 50-64? It just seems like a bad way to present statistics.
I think the age groups are well chosen. Life from 18-24 is usually full of school, learning and still discovering a lot of new things. Then comes the first big phase where everyday life and work, possibly children, lead to a certain routine. In my experience so far, this time is actually about as long as calculated here. Time passes surreally quickly and slowly at the same time and at 40 you don't feel much different inside than you did at 20. The next level is roughly the boomers who are better insured, perhaps just becoming grandparents, have more peace and feel more to the ground (also according to statistics i've seen) and maybe already thinking about retirement....
Load More Replies... And the comments in the article show that sexism is very well alive everywhere - maybe disliking things aren't "straight male toxicity" but are based on different personalities with different reasons to it? I'm shy AF, so things like touching or being naked in front of others is something I absolute would avoid at all costs. Telling familiy member "that you love them" isn't a thing in general where I live. I have no problem to acompany my best friend and her GF to LGBQT clubs though.
Personally, I don't think it's weird to not want to be naked around strangers. But a lot of these, like wearing pink, are frankly ridiculous. What a lot of these answers say is men don't want to do things that are associated with women (such as wearing pink) or gay men (putting sunscreen on a same-sex person's back), because those things are bad or somehow less-than.
Load More Replies... Seems worthy to note that in every single scenario, it's less than half of men who would be uncomfortable.
Why? When you reach a certain age some things become less important. The shy 20 year old in the locker room will be used to it by the time he's 30? 40?
Load More Replies... Why is the fact that some men are uncomfortable in some situations described as "toxic masculinity." If women were uncomfortable in situations (where they weren't in actual physical danger, of course), and a man described that as "toxic femininity", there would be an outcry, with people shutting him down right and left.
I know. I see nothing toxic about any of this, and I’m not sure why others do. It doesn’t say they asked only straight men, just men. And even if they’re straight, why is the data being twisted onto “toxic masculinity”?
Load More Replies... Those commentors are telling these men to stop sharing what makes them uncomfortable and man up... I don't think they have the high ground here.
I'm guessing that gay bars are out of the question because the straight guys are worried about being hit on - now learn that lesson, thank you - kind regards, women. PS - actually, as part of the lesson you should go - watch the guys hit on each other, notice how they get non-verbal consent (locked eyes, open body language etc) before making a move?
Nah, make a move, it's just about taking no for an answer! I'm female and I've been to lots of gay bars, been approached by quite a few women, and I just said I'm flattered but not interested, and 99% of them just left me alone immediately.
Load More Replies... These are all about being overly concerned with what others think of you. Trust me when I say that people will judge you harshly regardless of your appearance and behavior, and they'll nearly always be dead wrong. You might as well dismiss the opinions of others from your mind and enjoy your life, because you'll be a LOT happier.
A lot of these are ridiculous (aside from the naked thing), but the sunscreen 1 is so stupid. If someone needs it, help them. Also, gay bars are fun! I had a boyfriend once whose best friend was gay, and went all the time with him... he had no issues supporting his friend even tho it was in a more "unsupportive" part of the US: Kansas city. Where I come from in the US, was way more inclusive at the time, and the hate in K.C. was startling! You go George! wherever you are!
The amount of homophobia in a lot of these answers saddens, but doesn't surprise me. (Though not wanting to be naked in front of strangers isn't weird)
I'm a 45 year old male. Nothing of these makes me uncomfortable..actually I've done all of these. I would be interested in seeing the nationalities of the respondees. Some of these results scream USA
Likewise - done ‘em all, and the idea of someone even thinking twice about wearing pink is just bleak.
Load More Replies... I am (62m) who I am, and anyone that doesn't approve can go frack themselves because they are pompous entitled little turds. You do NOT get to decide what is right for others. Not now and not EVER. Am I clear?
Jesus this is cringe. What the hell is wrong with people? In the same breath calling out toxic masculinity AND telling people to man up? So we want men to share their feelings, but when they do, we shame them? Huh. Wonder why they might not like talking about their feelings?
¨StRaIgHtS ArE NoT OkAy¨ like shut the f**k up lmfao like your worse than everyone who answered that damn poll
*Twitter. If elon's gonan deadname his child, we can all deadname "his" website. It's Twitter. Anyway, even if some of these answers are a result of toxic masculinity, lets not belittle a man for being willing to open up about what makes him uncomfortable, because there are, unfortunately, plenty who won't.
The one that stood out to me was how the younger men are much more uncomfortable being naked in locker rooms than older men. I'd like to see the same data on women with additional survey questions, because I am curious if it has more to do with younger people in general being more self-conscious about body image or more to do with homophobia.
None of those things bother me and I am in my 70's. What happened to the rest of the country?
Can I point out those comments are exactly the reason why we don't open up about anything? Because we'll get ridiculed and shamed for doing which is why most men keep things to themselves and dont get too emotional unless the situation calls for it or we just snap.
Yep, some men and women have a lot of hang ups. These stats show that the majority of men, actually don't. But it's being spun into being that they do. If 44% of men feel uncomfortable about something...56% (THE MAJORITY) of them don't. If anything most of these show men progressing out of toxic masculinity. But please, keep saying stats mean exactly the opposite of what they show. If you're falling for this, please learn math.
Interesting how younger guys are not comfortable with having dinner with a friend. Is it because they will be considered gay? I have nothing against gays, but I don't want to be called gay, because it is untrue. And when young guy say "I'm not gay" five times after being called gay, he will hear "ah, so you are still in the closet? Sorry."
There is so much going on here that is just plain wrongheaded, and frankly disgusting. Apparently, it's going to be a looooong time before we can really have an honest discussion about where men are, how we got here, and what to do about it. Until then, I guess we'll just keep on laughing at men and telling them to fix themselves, and all the violence and SA will continue. (I swear, social media is such a double-edged sword.)
I'm a man in the 25-49 age bracket and I think the only one of these things that would make me feel uncomfortable would be putting sun screen on a male friends back. I don't know why, but that is jus weird. Putting it on a female friend would weird me out slightly as well. That's something that is fine for wife or kids, but not friends. Not sure why.
If I had been polled for this I would've said everything on the list made me uncomfortable even though none of them do (except maybe 'sharing a bed', which would depend entirely on circumstances). The reason I'd answer them all that way is because I'd figure it was probably just another stupid - *ss 'masculinity' study.
okay but for a lot of these, the reason we're uncomfortable is because of the social standards, like people think its gay or feminine to wear pink and stuff. It's funny because these people talking about toxic masculinity are often the same people saying its gay to drink lemonade
I mean, going to a gay bar and changing in front of other men would make anyone uncomfortable. Bars in general are so loud and bright and noisy, and changing in front of people is uncomfortable no matter what
I grew up with changing rooms where there were few or no cubicles. Only young people (the same age at the time) made it strange for me one day because a lot was happening to the body at that time and unfortunately a lot of insecurities were being fueled. Otherwise, especially when swimming or doing other sports, it was and is very common to change in a large room (separate by gender) where I live
Load More Replies... In one way, this just makes my heart hurt, why are any of these things an issue....
Being gay is so awesome!!!! None of these make me uncomfortable. 💜💙💚💛🧡❤️🩷🩵🤍🩶🤎🖤
"Toxic masculinity" is a mirage. It does not exist. Be yourself, who is bound to like you will like you.
This poll shows that it is a thing. It's sad how uncomfortable men are doing common things and the control with women shows how much higher the percentages of men are. I wish we lived in a world where people didn't feel pressured by dumb gender norms and stigmas. There's nothing wrong with wearing pink or receiving flowers as a gift, but so many of these men are uncomfortable at the sheer thought of it.
Load More Replies...
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